


A Simple Game Of Genius

by Denymeister



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Family Feels, Gen, Post-Canon, Time Travel, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-01-25 01:15:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 189,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21347863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denymeister/pseuds/Denymeister
Summary: A month after the events of "Take Us Back", the death of a loved one leaves Clementine at an all time low. When Louis discovers a chance to redeem her, she is sent back to the beginning of the apocalypse with one goal in mind: to secure her family's future.Follow a Post-S4 Clementine who reunites with old allies as she battles the harsh side-effects of time travel.
Relationships: Clementine/Louis (Walking Dead: Done Running)
Comments: 204
Kudos: 163





	1. Falling Down

**Author's Note:**

> Major choices throughout the series that affected this version of Clementine:
> 
> -> She shot Lee  
-> She watched Carver die  
-> Clementine, Kenny and AJ left Wellington together  
-> She injected AJ with the medicine  
-> Saved + Romanced Louis  
-> She trusted AJ to make the hard calls
> 
> This is the first proper story I've ever written, so go easy on us! I hope you enjoy.

_This wasn’t the result of his victim’s wounds however; it was a result of his own._

_“…Clem?”_

***

_“Give part of yourself so others can live. It’s how the world works now.”_ These words echoed through Clementine’s mind as she stared down at the mattress where her left foot was supposed to be occupying. She overheard a St. John brother desperately trying to lecture Lee before he rightfully got what was coming to him. The St John’s were a family Clementine considered ‘evil’ in her young age, yet somehow, she’s drawn to this quote for the first time in her life. In a way, she had achieved what the St John said: by sacrificing her leg, she made sure Minerva was stopped, and that Louis and AJ safely returned to the school. It was only down to Alvin Junior’s incredible resolve that caused a twist of fate, changing her life forever. Her boy. Her little angel. Her Goofball. Not a day goes by where he isn’t the main topic of Clementine’s morning rambling routine.

Successive thumps on the bedroom door snap the brunette back to reality. Louis would always wake her bright and early once a week for what he deemed ‘rehab’ exercises. He claimed it would be beneficial for her to build up stamina by doing a lap of the nearby area, though she knew this was just an excuse to get to talk with her alone. Well, when AJ didn’t insist on joining the training session every single time.

“C’mon Clem. Let’s get this over with,” Louis muttered through the door with a sense of fatigue. For as long as she’d known him, Louis always displayed positive spirits even in the worst times. Although ever since a few days ago, he seems to be struggling with something.

“Alright, be there in a minute!” she replied with through a deep yawn. No more time for inner monologues; it was time to start the day. She hastily grabbed a support beam from the bed and pulled herself up where she proceeded to heave herself off the bed using her trusty crutches. It had only been a month since the raid on the Delta’s boat, yet the set of crutches that brought her off her fee-_foot_ had fallen apart not too long ago. But thanks to the improved handicraft from Ericson-enthusiast Willy - and a little flair thrown in from AJ - the second generation of supports had served the handicapped teenager perfectly.

***

Steadily making her way through the dust-ridden hallways of the school, Clementine bumped into – or rather, they bumped into her – Alvin Junior. “Good morning Clem!” he greeted her with his usual cheerful tone. It was common practise for AJ to wake up early in order to rush by Clementine’s side on her weekly walks. And every time he’d be equipped with a big, goofy smile.

“Morning kiddo, did you sleep well all by yourself?”

“Yep! It was kind of scary at first but once I re-checked the windows for danger and saw none, I was asleep in seconds.” Violet had suggested that AJ should try sleeping in his own room at night, this very thought worried Clementine to no end, but it seems to have turned out just fine. If only Violet could physically see how happy AJ is nowadays. Poor girl… She became more reserved lately, possibly thanks to her injuries but more likely because she was still guilty over her actions on the Fitzgerald. Clem had forgiven the now blind-blonde, but it seems Violet has trouble being in the same room as her for this reason. Maybe she should confront Violet about this and set things straight…

Recollecting her thoughts, the brunette gestured outside towards the gate. Louis stood nearby with a ghostly expression staring at the floor, but once he noticed the pair approaching him it quickly shifted into a welcoming smile. “Hey you two, I hope you’ve got your running shoes on because we’re about to take part in the national Ericson’s marathon hosted by yours truly!” Now _that_ was the Louis she had grown to know. Deciding to play on this sentence that would seem normal to any other kid in the school, Clementine put on a convincing poker face and raised an eyebrow, quickly glancing from her missing foot back to the self-proclaimed comedian. Following suite, he too glanced down then back again with a look of guilt enveloping his face.

“Uh… Running _shoe_ then. Sorry I didn’t mean to-”, he fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Clementine let out a small chuckle at his reaction.

“All too easy Lou! Come on, let’s get this show on the road. I don’t need two feet to put you in your place,” she mused while interrupting him before she received a full-blown apology. She was well aware it was cruel to play on her injury but there were some golden opportunities she couldn’t miss out on.

“Hey! What’s the supposed to mean?” A flustered Louis replied, and noticing how spirited Clementine was this morning, began grinning childishly. “No-one else is awake yet, meaning we unfortunately have no spectators for when I gracefully cross the finish line first.”

“We can’t race that’s not fair on Clem,” AJ chimed in, always prepared to support his motherly figure even when it’s unnecessary, “besides even if we are racing I can run so fast I’ll leave you for dead. I can run fast can’t I Clem?” AJ stared at her as if demanding a serious response. That was AJ alright, never one to back down from a challenge. Clementine somewhat admired that about him even if he didn’t understand the humorous intent behind some of Louis’ speeches. But for a kid whose legs were half the size of his competitor’s, she could only let out a small giggle from how confident he sounds.

“Oh yes you can kiddo. We’ve got ourselves out of more than one sticky situation, when it comes to running you had to be a _fast_ learner.” Louis was really starting to rub off on her, she never would’ve made a pun like that before crash landing at Ericson’s. Speaking of which, she thought back to how they barely escaped the train station a few weeks ago. Seriously, who booby traps the supplies they left behind? Who would’ve thought a couple that wanted a peaceful exit in each other’s arms would be willing to blow up a couple of kids just to get them off their property. It’s a good thing they were already dead, because they would’ve ended up as walkers for hurting AJ.

Finishing her inner rant, she turned back to Louis. He shook his head and (almost reluctantly) proceeded to open the gate. For a split second, she could’ve sworn Louis looked in total shock after AJ’s comment. His mundane wake-up call back at the bedrooms, the grim look covering his face minutes ago and now this? Something was definitely off; she would make sure to ask him about it during their trip. AJ himself looked a little worried, but before long he darted ahead leaving the two young adults to follow behind.

***

The morning walk was always peaceful. Sure, the occasional walker would appear out of thin air, but AJ would always carry his pistol in case of emergencies. When danger was nowhere to be seen, that was when Clementine could feel truly relaxed. It became easy over time to focus her attention from the creaking her crutches often made to the forest itself. She took a deep breath, and silently took in everything around her. A gentle breeze swayed the ends of her hair just as it did to the golden autumn leaves above the trio, as they reflected the sun’s rays onto the path in front of them. Clementine never thought that since ‘it’ happened so many years ago she would ever be able to enjoy nature’s beauty again. She was now in a position where she’d catch a glimpse of a squirrel scurrying around, or a bird chirping in harmony with the nearby flock and would not have to think about it being her next meal. And in these moments, surrounded by the most important people in her life, she was at peace.

“Hey, uh, Clem? Do you mind if I ask you a quick question?” Louis decided to break the silence shared between the group. Since they left, the oldest member of the trio seemed as if he had a lot on his mind. Clementine noticed he lagged behind slightly, where he’d stare at AJ from behind, take a quick glance back up to meet her eyes, and finally begin frowning at the long path ahead. AJ had run ahead to get a better view of some animal rummaging around; this was her chance to find out what’s been bothering all day.

“Of course, what’s on your mind?”

“What’s the most important thing in your life? Like, gets you out of bed in the morning. I know it can’t be you being eager to listen to another one of my concerts.” Clementine was instantly reminded of a similar conversation she had with Luke, and how she said “family” with no hesitation. After everything she’s been through, her answer is the same.

“AJ without a doubt. Ever since he was born I’ve loved him from the bottom of my heart, and I have a duty to make all the sacrifices it took for us to get here worth it. Me and him are all that’s left. Kenny, Luke, his parents… I just hope I’ve done a good enough job…”. When she opened up to AJ the day after she got bit, her adopted son couldn’t have sounded more grateful for the protective role she’s played all his life, but she couldn’t help but think how it could be different if she hadn’t made certain mistakes.

“I know Clem, I know. You’ve done the best job anyone here could have hoped for,” he continued with a weak smile. Clementine thought she had gotten pretty close to Louis recently, albeit she hasn’t spent much time with anyone since her accident, but perhaps beneath the class-clown attitude lived a more sombre view of the world. The pair were just about to catch up to AJ, so the brunette wanted to squeeze in one more attempt to help him.

“Why do you ask? Louis if there’s something on your mind you know you can talk to me, right? I’m sorry I haven’t been able to spend much time with you, but if you ever need someone to open up to you know where to find me,” Clementine said in her motherly tone. It’s true that in the small time they’ve been together, neither had been completely transparent with each other – the furthest they’d gone is when Louis revealed his past the night before the raid. She herself regretfully never got around to sharing her own tales, but maybe this could be the catalyst to supporting each other more.

Now was as good a time as any.

Louis paused for a moment, studying Clementine’s features for any sign that she wasn’t serious. Finding none, he marched on. “Um, well to be honest, it’s not something that’s happened while you’ve been here. Other than the fact that people have gunned their way into our home and almost trained us into toy soldiers, these past few weeks have really been some of the best days of my life.” Louis turned to Clementine and matched her worried gaze. “I never had someone who would willingly come and listen to my piano playing, hell, or even just to talk outside of card games and daily jobs. I’m not worried about anything that’s happened. I’ve just can’t shake this horrible feeling it won’t last much longer, no matter how much I’ve tried.”

“Louis I’d never turn on you, you know that. All of us,” Clementine gestured to AJ, who they had now caught up to, “are doing the best we can to make this work, okay? We have, and always will continue to fight for a better tomorrow. All of us, together.”

Clementine rested her right elbow on the corresponding crutch and raised a palm to the teenager’s face. Louis’ cheeks radiated a small warmth towards the gesture as he stared off into the fish traps they were approaching.

“What brought this up Lou? Why do you suddenly feel as if you’ll be alone?” If she wasn’t so heavily reliant on her crutches, she’d no doubt embrace him in a hug. This was clearly a dark time for him, and she wanted to help the best she can.

Louis took one last glance at the girl opposite him and she could see all the pain in his misty eyes, before he shifted back to the direction of the fish traps and pointed towards the treeline behind them.

“Because of _that_”.

“That?” AJ hadn’t heard the majority of their conversation but picked up on Louis’ concern. All eyes were focused on a single figure shambling towards them from around the fishing hut. It turns out they had only reached the first checkpoint in their lap before running into trouble (which itself wasn’t exactly unusual). “It’s just a monster Louis, don’t be scared.” AJ tried to reassure him as he casually grasped the pistol around his waist and aimed at the walker’s head like a professional.

AJ was right. What made this walker special to kill off his usual upbeat attitude for the whole day? Did he know someone who turned in the area? It would make sense if they had died recently, but in the end, Clementine was only asking more questions. It was only until she heard a gunshot ring out in front of her that she would start receiving some answers.

The walker dropped to the floor. It was a routine kill as far as she was concerned. Despite this, Clementine could sense something was wrong. The shot created chaos among the nearby wildlife, causing birds to frantically call out the each other as all types of animal were fleeing the scene. They were alone. The sudden panic initiated a chain reaction of hurried sounds around them, and just as she could hear rustling coming from the treeline, it was at that moment she realised it. It wasn’t the walker, it wasn’t Louis, it was the sound. That gunshot wasn’t a pistol.

Clementine froze. She could make out two additional figures hastily approaching the trio and she was defenceless. Louis always had Chairles tucked behind his iconic jacket, but that was no good if these strangers were both armed with rifles.

Firearm training or any type of combat wasn’t part of her recovery period, so the only asset the group truly had right now was Alvin Junior. She knew this was never going to end well. With her limited mobility, the brunette would be stuck to this spot during this encounter but that doesn’t mean she can’t try to get the others to safety.

“Get down!” she screamed to the pair next to her. The figures ahead were easily visible now as they reached the walker’s corpse. They had to act fast. AJ was way ahead of her, and was almost about to dive off the path into the cover of the trees. But before he could, another gunshot brought the boy to a halt like a roadblock; the bullet landing in the tree AJ was moving towards.

Clementine was relieved to see her son unharmed, but also anxious that these guys weren’t messing around. She noticed the two were sporting some kind of blue and green uniform as they crossed the bridge near the fish traps to meet the trio face-to-face. Both of the men looked to be middle-aged, one of them was bald who wore a desaturated red scarf in what looks like an attempt to hide a scar on his neck, and the other had almost completely shaved off blonde hair. Oddly enough, Louis hadn’t moved a muscle since the walker appeared.

“We got ‘em boss.” The bald man spoke into a walkie-talkie, with whoever talking on the receiving end being inaudible from their distance.

“Morning kids! Out for a nice Sunday stroll are we?” The blonde joked to himself before fixing his rifle on the youngest member in the trio. The men were standing mere metres away. “You alright there Chuck? Lookin’ a little shaky there. That thing’s not a toy you know. Put that gun away before you hurt yourself with it.”

AJ looked furious; this was bad. Clem was worried about his attitude towards murder back on the Fitzgerald, and she was barely able to convince him to spare Lilly. Right before she threw away her promises and stabbed James…

“Stop dickin’ around Del we gotta job to do, seriously. Come on kid, just put the gun down so we can talk.” The bald man stepped in, trying to ease his excitable friend. He held his rifle towards Louis, figuring he’d be more of a threat than a girl with one leg.

Wanting to bring the attention away from AJ, Clementine quizzed their intentions. “What the hell do you want and why do you know us?” This caused a reaction from ‘Del’ who frowned at the enquiry.

“Listen here missy, we’re gonna be the ones asking the questions when I’m not staring down the barrel of a gun. The pistol goes away, or we’ll do this the hard way.” As seen earlier, these two weren’t doing this for fun. AJ had to surrender otherwise they’d all be in danger.

“Lower the gun AJ,” Clementine uttered to him in a hushed tone.

“We can’t trust these people Clem!” AJ barked back.

“AJ. We’re outgunned here. Put the gun down.” Her voice was stern. He was only getting himself in more trouble.

“Come on little dude, please?” Louis spoke up for the first time in a few minutes, no doubt worried about her son even through all the darkness in his head.

AJ glanced back and forth between his guardians, silently asking _“Are you sure?”_, and when he received subtle nods from the two, he finally agreed. AJ slowly placed the pistol into his back pocket, much to the dismay of Del. “It’s not going any lower.”

“For God’s sake… Fine. I hope you kids remember roll call ‘cause we need to take your names to make sure we got the right people.”

“…Roll call?”. Poor AJ, of course he wouldn’t know, he never got the chance to go to school after all. Hell, the only time Clementine’s had to go through this name checklist technique in the apocalypse was during her time with The New Frontier. She shuddered at the thought. After every mission they’d take names to see injuries, casualties and sometimes those gone MIA. She guessed this was mostly cases of desertion seeing as though she was about to something similar with AJ until David took him.

“Hey you, Pogo stick. Is it Clementine?” Del pocked fun at Clem’s disability and she was having none of it. This guy really thought he was clever didn’t he? Unfortunately, she couldn’t lose her composure as it would only put AJ in danger. Taking a deep breath, she wouldn’t let anger take over.

“That’s right, _Goldilocks_.” That last bit escaped her breath, how sick do you have to be to make of this?

“Heh, that’s the spirit Bouncy.” Del, seemingly unphased, brushed off her comment. “Short hair is a survival tactic Sunshine, but I don’t think bouncing around everywhere you go is that smart don’t you think? The walkers will wanna have a go.” If this guy didn’t have a gun on her forehead, Clementine would already be knocking his goddamn teeth out.

“Fuckin’ hell Del would you quit it? I just want to get this over with,” the bald man gave a long sigh. Figuring it would be best for him to ask the boy himself based on the terrifying scowl he was giving Del, he continued, “And you kid, your name AJ?”. After AJ gave him a slow nod, the man sighed again, but this time in relief.

“Fuck. This girl’s only got one damn leg, the boss ain’t gonna be happy about this…”

“Yeah no shit Del, but orders are orders and we’re taking them back.”

_‘Back’? Why are me and AJ needed but not Louis? And **where** are we needed? _Clementine thought to herself, her mind racing to find some clues as to what’s going on.

Del took a step towards her. “Now usually I’d tie your hands together and ask you to come quietly but that’s just not gonna happen is it? Instead, I’m gonna tie your hands to those crutches of yours and you’ll hop nice and easy for me won’tcha? Try to keep up a good pace.”

As Del swung his rifle over his shoulder to gather the rope in his pockets, AJ sprung to action and drew his pistol on the blonde. AJ no, please…

“Where are you taking us? Why won’t you just leave us alone!” He was desperately trying to take control of the scene.

“Woah there kid, we’re not gonna hurt you. We’re just taking you to our leader, she wants to make it up to you apparently.” Clementine was grateful the bald man decided to speak up first, he seemed somewhat reasonable compared to Goldilocks over here, even if they’re both in the practise of abducting kids. It’s not like anyone at Ericson’s is unfamiliar to it though.

Noticing AJ was about to shout, Clementine quickly interjected and asked, “Wait wait wait, who’s this leader of yours that wants to show their gracious generosity by ‘making it up to us’? What can you possibly give that I don’t already have?” These were questions that Clementine would come to regret asking for the rest of her life.

The bald man provided a full explanation. “The story goes that she was surprised by your ‘kind farewell’ the last time you met. You especially girly would be a VIP back home. We’re not fighting any kind of war, or some battle, we’re just a division from a larger group looking to protect ourselves. She considers you the only family she has left…” Only family? Clementine couldn’t understand who out there could possibly know her so well that they’d… Oh no. “…so I’m sure you’re already well acquainted with the boss, you probably know her by the name -” _Oh no_. She had only ever told one person in the last couple of months that they were once family. And that person was… “-Lilly.”

And by that point, it was all over. Clementine’s blood ran cold as she could see AJ in the corner of her eye. His expression mimicked a man she had grown to fear within seconds of knowing him. Alvin Junior looked exactly like Carver when he was beating Kenny. His eyes were wide with murderous intent. This was going to get violent fast. “AJ, please wai-”

“These people are with Lilly, Clem! She killed my friend! Made Violet blind!”

The bald man had his finger on the trigger. The iron sights lined perfectly between the boy’s eyes. He was waiting for less than an inch of movement.

“AJ I know, but please, you have to calm-” Clementine tried to reason with her son with every fibre of her being, but she knew full well that once someone had that look on their face, words would not do the talking.

“These people are bad Clem! You trusted me to know when to use my gun and I will! I can protect us! I can and I will! Just watch!” By this point AJ wasn’t going to be stopped. Bullets were about to fly in a few moments and she needed to act fast. The three of them could all make it out alive if…

Before she could create a plan, she caught sight of Del who hadn’t made a sound since AJ drew his gun. He was pissed, and AJ was about to have two guns trained on him. He wouldn’t make it out of that. If she was going to act it would have to be now! There was no going back from this.

The next few seconds happened in what felt like slow motion. Clementine launched herself from her crutches onto the man opposite her. The bald man, quickly turned to take aim at the girl, but AJ was a step ahead. Clementine was struggling with her lack of stamina, so she shrieked out for Louis to help. Louis, who was standing idly by looking in total disbelief charged forward, wielding Chairles in the process. Before he reached Del, Clementine had pushed his rifle off-centre where two shots rang out, a bullet skidding past her cheek. Without hesitating, Louis fiercely swung Chairles into Del’s left knee. The man collapsed to the side. Clementine, wasting no time, pounced on his falling body as he screamed in agony. She caught sight of the bald man lying dead on the floor with a crimson red circle in the centre of his forehead. Good, now all she had to do was disarm Del and the trio were safe.

“Again!” she bellowed at Louis, directing him to the remaining knee. And with a swing gaining even more momentum than before, the bones exploded beneath the skin, piercing the surrounding muscles. Del released his weapon with a deathly cry as his hands were frantically grabbing his broken knees.

Phew. She really didn’t want it to come to this but even with her handicap she still proved to be a vicious fighter. That was good to know. She felt rather proud of herself but congratulating herself would have to wait. Panting heavily, Clementine took the rifle from behind who she could hardly call the same person now their cocky attitude magically disappeared. She gripped its barrel as if to use it as a walking stick, where she would proceed to check in on Louis and AJ.

Louis wasn’t looking in her direction. He didn’t make a sound, he didn’t even blink. He stood still emotionlessly but had thin streams of tears flowing from his now reddening eyes.

“Louis, hey, are you oka-”

“AJ.” He only spoke at a whisper. It was all she needed to hear before she turned her son’s direction, and her entire world began to crumble.

Alvin Junior was standing in front of the bald man, surrounded by a pool of blood. This wasn’t the result of his victim’s wounds however; it was a result of his own.

“…Clem?”


	2. Don't Believe In Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was happening again and Clementine can't handle the situation. Feeling responsible for what happened to AJ, she talks with Louis who pitches a crazy idea. But one that might just work...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably went a little overboard with this one but I just couldn't stop. Hope you enjoy!

All of a sudden, the forest didn’t seem so peaceful. The stunning scenery Clementine experienced before now only served to taunt her. Everything around her displayed so much life, so much innocence. Yet she could never have prepared for the sight before her. Underneath this illusion of a pre-apocalyptic environment lay dormant the end of the world. And now – at least for this teenage girl – was it finally coming to life.

Standing in the glow of the sun’s beaming rays stood Alvin Junior clutching his neck. Between his tightly enclosed fingers escaped a stream of blood. It was the source of the growing pool Clementine had initially noticed, and now her precious boy was beginning to drown in it. Fully grasping the horrific sight, she screamed the name of her beloved goofball while desperately hopping towards him, “ALVIN!”

The scream echoed from tree to tree, but despite his name ringing for as far as the eye can see, she received no response from the boy in question. Instead, buckshot made of blood sprayed onto the path between the mother and son. AJ desperately tried to breathe, to find a passage not blocked by the seemingly endless waves escaping from his wound. But there was no way up. Beginning to stumble, Clementine abandoned her rifle-support and dived to catch her son before he could fall to the ground.

Losing all strength, AJ fell into her arms as tears landed on his cheeks. Clementine’s one job in the world, was to look after and protect Alvin Junior with her life. But now, her clothes were thoroughly soaked, drenched in everything she had ever cared for. AJ provided hope in Clementine’s world, a true reason to live and enjoy life, but the more and more she was being stained in his own blood, the quicker that hope was vanishing. She was lost for words. Never in a million years had she ever thought AJ would die before her, let alone dying _because_ of her. This was all her fault.

“…no, no no no AJ please you can’t just…” Clementine was barely audible under her constant sobs. “Wait, AJ please, I need you…” The boy faced upwards and weakly stared into her eyes. “AJ _please_…” Her voice was thin. Clementine could do nothing but beg for her son to hold on, but she knew it would be to no avail. There was no recovering from that wound, especially when they were half a mile away from the school. There was no chance in hell she could bring him back with her crutches, let alone carry him in the first place with her lack of strength. She racked her brain for any way she could help the dying child in her arms. Anything at all.

And that’s when a spark of adrenaline awakened inside her. She wasn’t alone. Maybe _she_ couldn’t get AJ back to Ericson’s where Ruby might be able to help, but Louis could! Without a second to waste, she darted her attention to the man who was silently observing the scene unfold. “Louis! Please! You have to help! Take AJ back to Ruby she can help him! Please!” The final plea was more of a command, but if there was any chance she could save AJ, she had to take it.

“Clem I…” Why? Why was he hesitating? They had to act _**now**_!

“Do you want him to die Louis? Do you!?” It was harsh but she had to convince him whatever way possible. It wouldn’t matter if Louis didn’t like her after this, at least AJ would be alive!

“He’s…” Louis could no longer control himself and tears began pouring. Clementine had never seen Louis this way before, but feeling even remotely sorry for each other would have to wait.

_He’s what? As long as Louis can actually goddamn do something for once AJ will be fine! We just need to get -_ Clementine’s thoughts were becoming infected with anger, but before she could finish, a painful voice attempted to speak next to her.

“C-C-” AJ tried with all his might to squeeze out the name of his guardian but doing so only caused his throat to tighten. Clementine went to embrace the boy in a hug, but before she could lean in, attempting to speak caused a vicious reaction on AJ’s body resulting in him coughing up blood all over Clementine’s face. That was when it truly dawned on the now fragile teenager that AJ was on the verge of death. His skin had already lost vast amounts of colour, and now some of the last shreds of life he had left were coating her skin. Her eyes widened at the realisation, and immediately rushed to grab a hold of his pale hands. In response AJ clutched onto his mother for dear life. He looked terrified.

“My little Goofball…” she whispered into his ears. Her tears acted as a waterfall for the blood on her cheeks, causing the static shade of red to be spread down and shine in the sunlight. His hands were losing temperature, and the child lay on top of her began shaking. After a few seconds, there was a stillness, and Clementine felt the pressure of AJ’s hand losing grip. He was gone.

“…”

Her mind went blank. She held in her arms everything she ever wanted and could have dreamed of in a world as cruel as this. A month ago, she believed her luck had finally run out but in a way, it was a fitting end. As long as she knew AJ would be safe back at the school, she was more than willing to sacrifice herself to see it through. But _this_ could hardly be called a ‘fitting end’ for anyone. She heard footsteps approaching from behind. Louis crouched down next to her as they shared a look of total grief.

“What do we do?” Clementine asked the teenager, hoping for any sort of comforting words. Louis reached to her left and picked up AJ’s pistol. She knew what he about to say. First Lee, and now AJ? After all the tragedy’s she’d endured on her travels, she didn’t know if she had the strength to pull the trigger once again. She braced herself for the bitter truth Louis was preparing for.

“I’ll do it,” Louis offered in a hushed tone. This caught the brunette off guard, as Louis gently picked up the body and moved towards the tree where the first bullet of the encounter had landed. Clementine was stunned, she didn’t think Louis ever had it in him to do something like this. Not saying a word would spare her the pain of holding a gun for that purpose again, but AJ was her responsibility. She couldn’t allow Louis to go through this mess any further, when she was the one who had failed to protect him. Louis had placed the body against the tree, moving AJ’s arms to rest on one another above his stomach.

“Wait, wait. No, I can do it. It’s my responsibility,” she shakily called out to him.

Louis looked over her. He didn’t wasn’t any reason to argue at a time like this, so he sighed and simply asked, “Are you sure?”

Clementine closed her eyes, knowing she was about to go through the same torture she had endured when shooting Lee. There was no running away from it, it had to be done or her little Goofball would become a monster. She couldn’t let that happen. “Yes.”

And with that, Louis retraced his steps to find her crutches. Holding them with his right arm, he offered his left hand to help the girl still lying in her son’s blood. She was practically pulled from the floor from Louis, who proceeded to place the crutches beneath her shoulders.

Approaching AJ’s lifeless corpse felt like she was marching towards her own death. Not wanting to waste any time, Clementine gestured for the gun. Louis handed it to her but rooted himself to the spot. “I’m not going anywhere Clem, you can do this.” She began tearing up again, as the two stood tall against the boy who had barely turned six years old.

“Thank you,” she muttered under her breath. Leaning heavily one crutch, she raised her arm to take aim. A light pressure formed on the other, as Louis raised her hand to her shoulder. Exchanging one last glance with him, she took a deep breath and lined the iron sights with up with AJ’s forehead. _You should be doing this to me_ is all she could think to herself. Her finger lightly pressed against the trigger. No, how could she do this again? It was bad enough with Lee, but she had nurtured this child from birth. She couldn’t do it; tears were now streaming down her face as her vision of the lifeless child in front of her began to blur. Her hands were visibly shaking. There was no way she could-

“DO IT!” Louis bellowed next to her, making Clementine jump out of her skin. Taken completely by surprise by the man who had been so silent next to her, she hadn’t realised the shock made her pull the trigger. That wasn’t like Louis at all, but then again, he hadn’t acted like himself all day.

“Oh it’s… it’s, it’s over,” she trailed off, not being able to process what just happened. A fresh red ring leaked blood from the child’s forehead and down his nose. All she could do in this moment was follow the stream of blood trickling down AJ’s face. She noticed that the skin now serving as a path for the river of blood to flow had becoming incredibly pale since she held him in her arms. Clementine knew well enough by now that a few seconds of hesitating more and AJ would have completely succumbed to the infection and turned. Knowing this brought a slither of relief over her now wrecked state of mind. The day started so cheerful; how could it ever end up like this?

“Goodbye little dude,” Louis timidly gave one last goodbye, as he gestured for the pair to leave. The two turned their back on AJ for the last time, as the sight of walkers approaching past the fishing hut.

The slight anger Clementine had felt towards Louis earlier had vanished, but instead was beginning to boil at the sight of the two men who lay on the floor before them. It wasn’t directed at the bald man she had never gotten to know the name, but instead the one a metre away from him. Del. The blonde had passed out from the pain shortly after being brutally crippled in the knees with the work of Chairles. This is the man who had shot AJ. This is the man who stole everything from her. The more Del entered her thoughts, the more she felt an animalistic rage building in the back of her mind. Her breathes became shaky, as she noticed the man beginning to wake up.

Louis picked up on the girl’s sudden change in emotion and tugged at her shirt for them to leave. For all the support he had given her over the last few minutes, Clementine wanted nothing more than for him to be safe. Leaving with him now would obviously be the safest choice and would prevent anyone else she cared about from being under any more harm. She _wanted_ to leave. But this anger swelling inside of her began to take control.

“Give me Chairles.” There was no emotion in those words but staring down at Del gave them all the meaning required. She wanted to make him pay, make him suffer just as she had. He took her family away and he wasn’t going to get away with it. Her heart was beating to the rhythm of an African drum. Louis was shocked at the order.

“What? Clem, I know you’re angry but in your condition this isn’t going to end well! Look, the walkers are already on the bridge.” The brunette hadn’t payed any attention to her surroundings but looking back to the path revealed Louis was speaking the truth. “Look, this is gonna sound fucked up okay? But you aren’t gonna have enough time to…” His eyes began flickering from Del to the slowly approaching walkers. “We’ve gotta go!”

She clenched her fists. “It’ll only take one swing.” Her voice was cold and deep. Louis was speaking so much sense and she knew this well. So why couldn’t she go along with him? Clementine felt as if she gained a purpose from the prospect of revenge. She began to believe that if this was AJ in her position, looking over the murderer…

“AJ would want this.” Her tone hadn’t changed, eyes glued to the crippled raider. If Louis wasn’t going to help, then she would only have to do it barehanded. She heaved herself forward, taking one long step. The rugged nails on her fingers now digging into her skin.

“Oh god, please don’t hate me for this,” she thought she heard Louis mumble to himself from behind. It didn’t matter. This needed to be done. _How could they kill a fucking child?_ she thought to herself, her mind engulfed in a storm that saw no sign of calming. A depthless voice in her mind began to wonder how she had been completely consumed by this craving for bloodshed so quickly, but she silenced it, leaving any rational thoughts remaining to be blown away. She was about to make sure he would never hurt anyone again. He wouldn’t even get the chance to turn once she had finished. That was, until Louis stood in front of her.

“Hey what’re you-” SLAP. A sharp sting in her right check through her off balance. Her mind returned to a blank state, wondering what the hell just happened. She looked up at the source of the pain to see a Louis glaring at her with furrowed brows. Clementine was in disbelief.

“This,” he pointed towards the walkers,” is not what AJ would want! AJ would want you to escape from here and be safe! Not looking to get yourself killed over a bit of revenge! Come with me, we’ll leave these guys for the walkers as bait. That’ll be a suitable painful death, wouldn’t you agree?” Louis had snapped at her. In her selfish desire to make Del suffer, she had completely ignored the fact she was putting herself and Louis in danger. He was right, regardless of what she did the walkers would still use the raiders as snacks, the only difference being in one scenario Clementine would be part of the snack instead of walking away with the last person she considered herself to share a connection with. What was she becoming?

“…yes.”

“Wonderful, then let’s get the fuck out of here. I may be a fuck-up, but I am _not_ letting myself lose someone else today…” he seemed to cut himself off at the end, like he wanted to say more. Clementine stared at the teenager stood inches away from her, as his face tilted off to the side. She stuck to the spot, knowing he had more to say. Death itself was walking towards them, but she couldn’t move. For as hopeless as she currently felt, it was almost as if everything was depending on Louis. Before raiding the Delta boat, the two had begun to form a close bond, even going as far as to share her first kiss with him. All of that seemed to fall under the radar during her recovery period. But now she was starting to see flashes of the Louis she had gotten to know previously appear from out of its shell. He always considered himself a screw-up, but when he put his heart into something his attitude was night and day. Earlier today she hadn’t seen an ounce of the man show his true emotions, but right now in the moment, he had a purpose. Louis pulled on her shoulder to face back the way they came, and lightly pressed her back as he started walking. He took a step forward, his eyes narrowly looking back on the still idle Clementine and after pausing for a second, he finally spoke before quickly looking forward again. “…especially someone I love.”

If it wasn’t for the walkers gaining ground on the pair, Clementine knew this would be a heartfelt moment between them. With Louis’ words bringing her back to life, the pair began making the tiring trek back to Ericson’s. Sparing a second’s pitstop to have a look at AJ, they carried on down the path under the cover of the forest’s trees. Taking a dejected look over her shoulder back towards the opening, she caught sight of Del staring at the scarf that had come loose from the bald man’s neck as he hit the ground.

“…Rich? Hey Richard! Are you- Oh my god…” She could hear Del fully coming to his senses in the distance. He hadn’t noticed the ten-or-so walkers slowly surrounding him. Though before they got out of sight, Del had spotted them. “Hey! Where the fuck do you think you’re goin’ huh?! What the fuck did you do? You killed Rich, and you think you can just-” Del was barking at the pair, but this only served to make himself better bait for the walkers to lose track them. By the way he was cut off, Clementine was sure he had noticed what fate had in store for him. Louis and Clem in unison looked away from the scene behind them. Without the use of his knees, this was the next best way she could have hoped AJ’s murderer would go out. She didn’t need to look, and – as sadistic as it sounds - just hearing his screams would bring her enough closure. Soon enough, she got what she hoped for, and the pair disappeared down the trail without a second glance.

***

Every corner of the room was lit by the rising sun. She couldn’t have been in a darker place, yet at the same time, everywhere she went was bright. She simply could not escape it. Clementine sat in solitude on her bed for what must have been at least a few hours now. Louis gave her the motivation to keep moving forward after AJ was… after he passed away, but once they returned and Louis had left her side to complete some job, she had fallen back into darkness. All she wanted was a place to be alone, without anything to disturb her. It was a foolish desire on a day with weather such as this.

The bedroom felt as if it was filled with the ghosts of those she had just failed. All of those people, all of those sacrifices to keep little Alvin safe. Wasted. And it was all. Her. Fault. She wasn’t strong enough to protect him, she was the one who made decisions that lead to his death. It was Lilly who sent the goons to retrieve the two, and who did Clementine not have the guts to kill on the boat? Lilly. All because she maybe once considered her ‘family’. She wasn’t family. Family doesn’t force you by their side. Family doesn’t let their murderous slaves do their dirty work. A sudden wave of guilt washed over her. _You let Lilly live. **You** killed AJ._

She felt the leftovers from the rage she experienced earlier begin to claw its way back into the centre of her thoughts the more she heard the name ‘Lilly’. Why did she insist on taking kid soldiers? Why did she kill Mitch? James? The boat rescue led to the death of Tenn, Violet becoming blind. And now AJ. Almost every single tragic event from the former Ericson students could be tracked back to that name. Lilly. She may not have wanted to cause them harm today, but again her involvement caused more pain than it was worth. The rage was soon overpowered by guilt once more, as Clementine asked herself, _How could I let her live?_

She was clearly lying through her teeth as she begged for her life. By letting her live, she put the entire group in danger, not just herself, all because she couldn’t allow the final living memory of her original group die. That selfish act was going to haunt her for the rest of her life.

Lee would never have made the same choice. Lee knew how to protect a group. He died saving people, not being the cause of it. Clementine couldn’t help but draw a comparison to her old saviour: no-one but herself was the cause of Lee getting bit, but he used every last second of his life to protect her and ultimately, he succeeded. On the other hand, AJ had already saved her life once, but now died because of a stupid decision she made, and she could do nothing to stop it. She wasn’t a scratch on Lee Everett. No doubt if it weren’t for her, he and Kenny could have been raising the child and having a peaceful life. Oh, and then there was Kenny. For only a year or so of his life, AJ had a fatherly figure. The man fought tooth and nail to protect AJ on multiple occasions, even though he wasn’t blood related. In his dying breathes, Kenny entrusted, and truly believed that Clementine would protect AJ. All his sacrifices? Gone to waste. She felt as if she had failed every important person in her life.

Clementine would continue to isolate herself for the remainder of the day, locking the door and ignoring all requests for her to attend dinner. There was no way she could face the other kids the way she was. Exhausting her guilt-ridden rant, Clementine fell back onto her bed and simply stared up at the bed railings above. Not a single thought crossed her mind. Her mission in life was to raise AJ, and now because that was gone, she had nothing. She had lost her main reason for living.

The only thing the slightly comes to mind for _any_ kind of hope was Louis. The only problem being she hadn’t seen the man all day since they returned. She wouldn’t be surprised if he abandoned her after seeing the state she was in when she asked for his trusted weapon. She must’ve looked like a monster. Louis wasn’t exactly the bravest soul; it would be no shock if he began to fear her after what she tried to pull. Despite all this she desperately wanted to feel his comfort, he was there with her every step of the way, but now she might have lost him too.

After a while, her head must have gotten tired of the constant war she was mentally having, and she found herself falling sleep in the early evening. Before her dreams had the chance of beating her down too, a knock at the door disturbed her slumber.

“Hey Clem! Hellooo? The door’s stuck,” she could vaguely hear someone attempting to loudly whisper through the door. Was that Louis? It was almost pitch-black outside, what was he doing at this hour? If this was him, she would finally get the chance to talk with him. The idea was captivating: he was there for her; he might be the only one who understands her pain. And for as much as she had already tormented herself, she was desperate to confide with him.

Clementine jumped off the bed at the prospect. Still overcome with fatigue from waking up, she got a hold of her crutches and gradually made her way to the door. Giving the lock a turn, she felt butterflies in her stomach as her hand touched the doorknob. Was it really him? She really didn’t want to see another kid right now. What if it was Violet who had come to apologise again, Ruby to check on her leg, or Willy with some absurd invention? She wouldn’t be able to handle it. Twisting the knob, the door sluggishly creaked open.

“There you are! Whoa, you aren’t lookin’ too good there Clem. I mean, you look good, but you aren’t lookin’ too good _right now_… Uh, sorry.” It was Louis! Clementine felt incredibly relieved, but at the same time all the thoughts of AJ’s death and the guilt behind it suddenly rushed back. The crutches thudded to the ground as she burrowed herself in his chest, tears beginning to form in her golden eyes.

“Louis, it-- it’s all m-my fault, I should’ve-” She sounded pathetic, but she couldn’t hold back. All the emotions she had bottled up began to leak out as she wept into his signature brown coat.

“Hey hey hey! Easy there Clem, I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. Plus I wanted to show you something.” Louis seemed an awful lot more positive than he had been earlier. What could possibly have lifted his spirits after a day like today? “Can I come in?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, sure.” Lifting her head from his chest, she wiped the away the tears and welcomed him inside. Any conversation they were likely to have would be better off not heard by the other kids. It wasn’t fair to wake them up or make them depressed for that matter.

Louis knelt down and handed the crutches back to Clementine. She returned to her seat on the bed, the proceeded to signal for him to sit adjacent to her. Getting off his feet, he groaned out a lengthy sigh as he cupped his head in his palms. Maybe he wasn’t so cheerful as she initially thought.

“Clem I am so sorry for what happened today… No-one deserves this.” Louis decided to get straight to the point, though she wasn’t sure if he was referring to AJ or herself. “I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through; anyone could tell I’m probably not parent material.” He directed his gaze down towards his feet. No doubt he felt guilty for his part in all of this. “I just can’t help but think, maybe if I didn’t force you into this week’s rehab session, none of this woulda happened. Me making both of you step out of those gates in the morning started all of this. It’s all my fault.”

Clementine felt sorry for him, there was no way his actions lead to AJ’s death. How could he have known more raiders would come? They’d completed laps of the same journey a few times already, plus even if he _did_ know something he’d call it off. She couldn’t let anyone blame themselves for this, this was her burden to bear, no-one else’s.

“Please don’t blame yourself, you couldn’t have known. If I had just,” tears were taking shape again, “if I had just killed Lilly then none of this would’ve happened. AJ would still be here, my little goofball…” She didn’t need to finish the sentence before falling into another fit of sobs. She clutched the opening of his jacket and burrowed her face in his warmth for the second time. She found a great deal of comfort from his presence alone. Louis wrapped his arms around her head and hugged her tightly.

“That’s what I’m afraid of, you know?” Louis glared into the opposing bed. Clementine looked up to see anger sprawling across his features. “That no matter what we do, it would be impossible to save AJ as long as she’s still alive.” Louis was spitting daggers when referring to Lilly, hell, this was the first time she had ever really heard Louis sound so negative towards someone. This must be affecting him more than she realised.

The pair tilted their heads towards each other, making eye contact half-way. “I know what you mean. Whatever death I think of, it always comes back to her. How could she? How could she take my little Goofball away? That big beaming smile,” Clementine thought back to just this morning, where he greeted her shortly after waking up, “I’ll never get to see it again…” Louis’ shirt was soaking up the majority of Clementine’s tears, but it only got worse every time she thought back to her son.

“I know Clem, that’s why I…” That’s why I… what?

“Louis?” His name was muffled beneath his own shirt, but if he had something on his mind she wanted to know.

“That’s why I uhhm…” Louis trailed off again but this time he examined the girl’s expression. He looked as if he was deciding something on the spot. All he would’ve seen is a mess of a girl crying her eyes out into his shirt, still wearing the same blood-stained clothes from earlier. Overall, an emotional wreck. He eventually came to a conclusion.

“Okay, well, here goes nothing. Clem, I need you to promise me you’ll take me seriously okay? Pretty please?” She wasn’t expecting that. She had no reason to not agree, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t worried about what impossible scenarios he might be making up.

“I pinky promise,” Clem wrapped her finger around his, “if you’re serious, then how can I say no to that?” She gave him a weak smile, the first she’s shown since before…

Sighing, Louis steeled himself. This must be extremely important to him.

“What if… well what if we could maybe… bring AJ back?”

“…”

“Louis we can’t think like that, AJ is…” Clementine shifted her gaze down to the floor. It pained her to say it, but it was true. There was no use working on hypotheticals that would only end up hurting in the end.

“No, I’m serious Clem. Look at me.” The brunette looked up to see a sharp gaze, his eyes were fuelled with determination. He really was serious about this, not that she had doubted him, but this was a strange subject even for his standards.

“What do you want me to do Louis, turn back time?” She really could not see what he was getting at. What happened, happened. There was no going back for as much as she hoped.

“I don’t want you do it, I want _both of us_ to do it.” What was he…? She was completely lost now, and her face reflected this. Taking notice, Louis continued before she could become any more confused.

“Okay wait before you think I’m totally a lost cause… Hmm let’s see… Ah! Let’s play a game. Oh wait, but before we do can you hold out your pinkie please?” Her pinkie? She just went along with it at this point, without knowing if she was just humouring the boy or actually taking him seriously.

“Okay, so! What we’re gonna do is you’ll pick a random number between 1 and 100, and I will ‘guess’ what you picked.”

“Louis, a number game? What are you doing?”

“Clem, please, just let me show you. Think of a number.” After saying this, Louis appeared to be dizzy. He didn’t look too well himself, but she might as well go along with his ‘game’ if it made him feel better. 62 would do.

“Okay I’ve picked, now what do I-”

“62”. Wait what? That number had no meaning to her, there’s no way in hell he could’ve known something about her that would’ve led to that number. She was dumbfounded at the response.

“See? I told you to take this seriously,” Louis chuckled to himself. Clementine had absolutely no idea or how exactly he just did that. She was about to believe it wasn’t dumb luck, but there’s no harm in taking a precaution.

“I wanna to do it again,” Clementine said quickly. She wanted to make sure this wasn’t some elaborate trick to try and cheer her up. Then again, if it were, she would admire the effort.

“Up for round two are we? Great, then how about you hold out your ring finger for me?” Again with the fingers… She held it out and picked 15. This number had no correlation to her as far as she was aware, so it would clearly be Louis outright knowing the number if he guessed it.

“…”

“…” The same spell of dizziness seemed to hit him again. Recovering quickly, a large grin spread across his face.

“15.” What? How? A million questions flooded her mind in the second it took him to answer, and the second it took him to burst out laughing.

“Louis okay please stop messing around with me just tell me what’s going on,” She need answers ASAP. And how did this relate to bringing AJ back? Her questions would soon be answered, as Louis stated she needed to see it for herself, and that they needed to go to the music room to do so. She didn’t see any reason why not, and if he was telling the truth could they really bring him back? Did she even deserve to care for him anymore? Her questions were now directed at her own ability rather than Louis, as the pair quietly made their way towards Louis’ favourite room. What the hell was going on.

***

The moonlight eased through the cracks upon the boarded windows, dimly lighting the room. Still, it was so dark the only object Clementine could visibly make out was the piano. Louis rubbed his hand along the edge of the instrument as he took a seat in front of the black and white keys. He shifted to the side a little, giving Clementine enough room to fit on just as they had on the night before the raid. That seemed like a lifetime ago now.

“I wanted to teach him, you know?” Louis sounded almost heartbroken. He looked towards the highest notes on the piano, where AJ played the first time they met. “One day while you were still mostly bed-ridden, I told him to come join me in the music room for a lesson. He was so excited. I told him _‘You’ve got to be familiar with the notes to create a song!’_, but he spent the whole day happily just hammering away without a care for how chaotic is sounded,” Louis returned his view back to the brunette, “I joked that he was Jerry-Lee-Junior because of it. From the only lesson I ever gave him, I saw AJ truly enjoying himself. And that was a first for me! I never thought I’d see the kid smile when he wasn’t with you, let alone have the time of his life…”

Clementine looked on with the motherly gaze she had often used with AJ. She had no idea the two had bonded over music, and now she felt as if they understood each other’s pain. Louis pushed himself up from his side of the seat, standing with his palms face down on the piano’s now closed fallboard.

“I want to teach him again. I want all three of us in this room, laughing to the songs we sing, dancing to the songs we create… So that’s why we’re gonna use this.” Louis had disappeared into a corner of the room untouched from the moonlight. After what sounded like the rummaging of a bag, he returned with some sort of box. It consisted of a metallic exterior, though it was heavily rusted especially from the bottom. Nails were coming loose from their panels – it looked like it’d been a quick build.

“…A box?”

“Not just any box! This little force of nature was the ace up my sleeve during a little numbers game.” At this point, Clementine only wanted answers before her brain fried from confusion.

“Honestly you confused me so much back in the room that I’m not even gonna bother asking myself how that thing works. Care to help me out?”

“Fair enough. For you see!” Louis flipped the box around to reveal the outline of binoculars with small indents where the eyes should be. “If someone were to look into these little holes, you’ll see your recent memories appear on a little screen, or something, to be honest I have no clue how the hell this thing works but basically if you focus on a specific time you’ll be… teleported? Kind of? You’ll go back to that time, but in your current state. So you’re presently travelling back to the past, where you can change the future… I think. …You get it?”

It really doesn’t help that the person who’s trying to explain how they supposedly travelled back in time to beat you at a numbers game, doesn’t actually have a clue of what they’re talking about. Clementine just stared back, brows raised, and jaw thoroughly dropped.

“I’ll take that as a noooo… Look, how about this? They way I was able to guess your number was I went and asked you straight out what it was, then ran back here, used the time-cube thingy, chose the moment you held out your pinkie, then dramatically blew your mind.”

If what he was saying was true, then she hadn’t even felt anything when it happened. This almost scared Clementine, but she didn’t even know why. Trying to piece the game together, she asked Louis, “Is that why when I was picking a number you looked so… dizzy?”

“Did I? Shit… Well then I guess so. You know, travelling between two different time periods isn’t exactly an easy ride, right?” With this new information, everything was starting to make sense, the only possible way he could ever know her number was if he was physically told and that’s exactly what had happened. It did, just not for her.

“Whoa…”

“Whoa indeed.” There was just one thing that didn’t add up. Where did he even find something like that in the first place? Willy couldn’t have built it. But by now the brunette was willing to believe anything was possible. They were living in an apocalypse after all. And it’s not like that makes any sense.

“Uh Louis? Where the hell’dyou find this magic box?”

He placed the box on top of the piano and relaxed back into his seat. “Do you remember the caravan?”

“The one I sent you and… you and AJ to scout out right?”

“Yes well, Aasim thought he saw a group of survivors in and around that dusty old wagon. It turns out whoever was there had abandoned it apart from this one old dude. He had some musty grey coat on, you should’ve seen it. His pockets were _full_ of letters and notes.” Clementine never got to hear the full report of that mission, she was told at the time it simply led to nothing, other than that the two recovered a few bottles of water and a ‘cube-thingy’.

Louis proceeded to give a full explanation of the trip, and how the old man believed they would need it more than himself. Thinking it had no use, Louis placed it in the music room to tinker with it, hoping it would be useful. Though it sounded more as if he was trying to prove to himself that he hadn’t spent the day talking to some creepy camper in the woods.

“It wasn’t until…” Louis looked at his wrist expecting to find a watch, but finding none, stumbled on his words. “Uh, I guess today then, that I finally found a use for it.”

“You mean, that’s what you were doing after we got back to the school?” That would make sense for why he didn’t come to see her until this late at night. But as always with Louis, nothing is ever simple.

“What? Oh no no no, Ruby got me cleaning out the greenhouse all day. That place is so dirty… I even messed that up when I slipped and got some weird yellow coloured liquid in a test tube up my nose.” He sniffed to make sure there was nothing left in there, Clementine only found herself laughing at how clumsy he could be. It was unbelievable that this was the same person who figured out how to reverse time.

“Alright alright it wasn’t _that_ funny, it wasn’t for me anyways Ruby really whooped my ass, but back to the point! I only managed to figure it out shortly after AJ died the first time.” Louis looked into her eyes as he said this, giving her an all too familiar pained expression. She would’ve moved to comfort him, but what he said didn’t make any sense.

“Wait, what do you mean ‘first time’?” Tears began forming in his eyes at the question. Without inquiring further, she tried theorising why he looked at her in so much pain. She hadn’t felt anything during the card game, and she hadn’t the slightest clue he was messing with such power. If he said this, then surely that meant he’s already been through this day once before. Today was potentially the worst day of her life, and she couldn’t imagine experiencing it all over again. Her heart ached for the man at the thought. She needed to know if her suspicions were true.

“Louis… How many times have you… restarted today? How many times has… AJ died?” Louis let out a stuttered breath as he closed his eyes. This was so hard for him and she couldn’t have even known. How many times had he been through this traumatising day? She readied herself for the answer she would receive after a brief moment of silence.

“…Four…”

“Oh my god, Louis you-”

“…Teen”. Fourteen times?! That explains all of her questions from the start of the day regarding his attitude. No wonder he was so scared and depressed… How he managed to keep his act together at all was astonishing, but that would soon come to end.

It was Louis’ turn to cry on someone, as he rotated on the piano seat and wrapped himself around Clementine. “I’ve tried _so hard_ Clem! You don’t even understand… I’ve tried everything, literally everything! I tried cancelling the walk, I tried going a different path, I tried handling Lilly’s men differently. Everything! And nothing worked…” Louis was wailing on her shoulder, gripping her tight as he continued, “sometimes I thought it worked, then those guys or Lilly would show up and fuck everything up again and again and again and again! I’m so sorry Clem! I can’t do it anymore! I’m so sorry…”

Oh Louis... Clementine felt a stream of her own tears rushing down her cheek at the heartfelt apology. The saddest part for her, was that he was apologising in the first place. He had endured so much pain and suffering all to try and save her boy, and now she was witnessing the man who tried his hardest until he eventually broke let it all out.

“Louis you… went through all that, just for me?” She could feel his head nodding from the side. He let go of her and sat back up straight in an attempt to compose himself.

“Mhm… It was for AJ too of course, I want him to live just as much as you, but the hardest part was your reaction every time it happened. This was my 15th and final attempt. Do you know how hard it is watching you lose yourself that many times?” He had fallen to a whisper, “Especially when this time felt the worst.”

Clementine was lost for words. She stared hopelessly at him, she wanted nothing more than to comfort him, but it was clear he still had more to say. Sometimes it was better to allow someone to vent without interrupting, and Louis was so mentally fragile by now that she wanted to let him take this at his own pace. Before long, he opened his mouth to continue, but turned shy of her before beginning.

“I was ready to give up after the first few attempts, but one time you…” He held his fingers up to his left cheekbone, she hadn’t noticed it before, but he had a light scar where he touched, “one time I messed up, bad. It was just as I was learning how it all worked and I did something that directly caused AJ to… And when it was all over you… you beat me.” She hurt Louis…? So the rage she directed to the raiders could have been on him instead? Clementine felt her stomach drop, now terrified of what she was capable of. She was responsible for beating a guy who was trying so unbelievably hard to help her, she didn’t feel it but also wasn’t stupid enough to not believe every word coming out of his mouth. The intensity of the guilt rapidly crushing her matched how she blamed herself for AJ’s death. First AJ, now hurting Louis?

“I am so, **so** sorry Louis whatever I did I didn’t mean it… I swear I would never-” she found herself frantically apologising. It was all she could do, the pain she suffered didn’t even compare to his, and the pain she created couldn’t be forgiven. Before she could finish however, Louis was sniffling loudly and coughing to clear his throat. His head snapped to the cube shaped object sitting close by, where he was looking deadly serious.

“That’s why we’re going to fix this.” He rose from the seat and walked around the piano to where the device was resting. Louis looked back to her, “Look Clem, I can’t do this alone. Not anymore. If there’s a way we can save AJ, then I’m going to have to go further back than today. To be honest, I don’t know if I have it in me to set things right… Will you help me?” After everything she had done to him, he was still asking for her help. Her heart began to pound, if he was offering the possibility of bringing her son back into this world then she would damn well not let him do it alone. If she wasn’t going to shake the overwhelming guilt from today, then the least she could do was try to create a better life for the people she cared for.

She joined him in around the piano, as she approached Louis, she cupped his hands between her own. “Of course I will, there’s no way I’m letting you do this all alone any longer,” she replied, now looking into the eyes of the man who was brave enough to ask for help of someone who hurt him. She was fuelled with the desire to make it up him, and she could start right now. With that in mind she was softly spoken and said, “I’m with you. ‘Till the end.”

Louis was visibly relieved at the statement. He muttered a “thank you” under a deep breath before regaining focus on the task. “Right, so I should probably explain some ground rules before I throw you into this, or at least some things I picked up on along the way.” It wasn’t like him to take control of a scene, but like she thought earlier, when he wanted something, he’d give it his all. “So the first thing’s pretty simple, when you time travel, our bodies and everything attached to it stay the same. Like clothes, boots, uh, in your case, _boot_, for example, everything.” His hand was drawn to the scar on his cheek she must’ve made. He shook his head, not wanting to kill his own momentum. “So if you want to take anything back you think might help us, be my guest. The old dude gave me a couple notes to work with and one had some advice related to this, but we’ll get to that after. Rule number two! Fish traps!”

“Um Louis? What the hell do fish traps have to do with anything?” She prayed he hadn’t abused his power to learn the intricacies of their simply put together mechanisms.

“It’s not the fish traps themselves, it’s what I discovered from them. On my second restart I thought I found something that worked, so before waking you up I scouted out the fishing hut to find those raiders. I couldn’t even find a camp they made, so I thought I might as well do something useful and check the traps for food. As I got to the bridge, a school of fish swam up the stream and eventually some of them got caught. Thinking nothing of it, I harvested what I could and carried on with the day.”

Louis recounted a story about how he went back to the lake after many restarts and begun to recognise the fish. The same ones would get caught in the same traps, so he thought it would be interesting to disable some of the traps to see if the fish would make it.

“Of the ones I disabled, obviously nothing got caught in them. When I checked the active ones though, the same fish had been caught, just in different places. I thought ‘Well that’s one helluva coincidence! These fish must be the stupid ones of the group’. So for a few restarts, I’d meddle with different combinations of traps to see if the same stupid fish would meet the same fate. They did. Every single time. It wasn’t until I finally disabled them all that they happily swam away as a family.”

Clementine wasn’t quite sure what Louis was getting at, she wondered how these fish had anything to do with keeping AJ alive. “What do you mean Lou?”

“The old dude ranted on and on about fate and all that kinda crap. I didn’t believe him, I just thought he was just some weirdo in the forest! But now what he told me makes sense. If I was involved with those fish traps, something ended up dying. I could twist and turn the traps as much as I’d like, the fish would still die unless I removed myself entirely. You see what I’m getting at?”

Clementine was no stranger to being responsible for people’s deaths. She knew full well her actions directly led to people dying, even if they hadn’t deserved it. This was the case for the early years of when the dead started walking, and it wasn’t until she was all alone with AJ that she felt like she’d escaped her misfortune. But now he was gone too. _Is he trying to say AJ would be safer without me? No…_ The thought of her son with a target marked on his back all this time was unnerving to say the least.

“Louis… does that mean that… AJ would be alive without me?”

“What? No Clem of course not! You’ve got this all wrong. Look, _we_ are the school of fish in this example, but you know who the person setting the traps is?”

“…”

“It’s Lilly. Remember how I said I tried different methods to save AJ? It’s no different to changing the traps if you think about it. Say if Lilly were to, I don’t know, be resting in a coffin right now, then there’s no traps. And with no traps…”

“AJ would still be alive!” Clementine’s golden eyes were gleaming in the moonlight as the words escaped her mouth. The sudden epiphany filled her with a hope she hadn’t felt since AJ was born. Louis smiled back at her reaction, probably excited he had managed to somehow explain all this without someone thinking he’d lost his marbles. That in itself was an achievement, especially for someone who failed to even clean the greenhouse properly. “Well what are we waiting for? Let’s get started!”

“Hold your horses Clem there’s just two small things you need to know! I promise.”

“Ugh fine, just make it quick.” She really didn’t want to waste any more time. She looked towards the metal box, by using this, AJ could be right in front of her again. She would be able to see that big goofy smile, to watch him practise reading, to hug her little Goofball. _Pick up the pace Louis!_

“Clem, I know you’re eager to jump straight in but I haven’t even explained what to do yet! It’s real simple, because only one person’s supposed to use it at a time, both of us are gonna have to shut one eye as we use it together. I’m pretty sure the old dude never mentioned if there was co-op play with it but hey what could possibly go wrong? Once you look inside, tell me when you can see any moment from… let’s say before the raid. That’ll give us enough time to form a better plan and take Lilly out. We can even save Violet, Mitch and Tenn while we’re at it!”

This plan of Louis’ sounded too good to be true. Clem wasn’t sure how they would come up with something better than what they had the first time around, but at the very least they could give it a shot and hopefully save their friends in the process.

“There’s just one thing…” Oh. Here it is. “I haven’t ever travelled back further than today. And, if I’m gonna be completely honest with you here, I don’t have the foggiest clue how this’ll work.” That... didn’t inspire confidence. But it doesn’t matter, as long as she could return to a time before the raid she had the chance to save AJ. No matter how long she would have to wait, she would give her life for Alvin Junior, just as he did for her a month ago.

“It’ll be fine Lou, as long as we have a chance to change the outcome of that raid, we’ll wait as long as we have to.”

“So, you won’t be mad if I mess up?” Louis was beginning to look nervous, of course he was afraid of screwing up. Clementine wouldn’t allow him to keep doubting himself. She was tired of seeing him like this, especially when he was giving her the chance to amend her mistakes in the first place. Before they snuck onto the Fitzgerald, Clem had seen Louis act like this when they prepared a walker for gutting. He was scared of getting all of his friends killed, but in the end, he came out on top. She knew of one way to make him focus during times like these, and it worked perfectly before. Wrapping an arm around his neck, she pulled herself forward and pressed her lips against his. They closed their eyes and enjoyed the serenity of the moment they shared together. After putting himself through the wringer all for her sake, this was the least she could do to show her appreciation.

After a few seconds, she pulled back to reassure him with a comforting smile, “I could never be mad at you Louis, not after everything you’ve done for me. Thank you… thank you so much… I mean it.”

Louis was as red as a tomato. He scratched the back of his neck as he was sheepish in saying, “Heh, I really have the best girlfriend in the world, don’t I?” He couldn’t have come up with a cornier line, but Clementine only found herself gazing into his eyes at the statement. Despite how clumsy he made himself out to be, deep down was a sweet and caring soul she had grown fond of since they first met. “In a way, that’s actually the last thing you need to know before we do this.”

Louis disappeared back into the pitch-black corner of the room and returned with a stack of papers in his hands. “These are some of the old dude’s notes he gave me… now which one was it… Ah ha! There it is.”

The page he pulled from the stack was generally crumpled all round, but contained a message written in all capitals, it read, “REMEMBER – GO TOO FAR BACK, BODY CAN’T STACK , ME NUMBER TWO , WILL BE THE DEATH OF YOU,” with a small tally that added to six scratched on underneath.

“Told you he was fuckin’ weird.” Being weird didn’t bother Clementine, she was prepared to go through anything for AJ, she just couldn’t decipher what the poem and tally marks meant.

“Any idea what this is supposed to mean?”

“Actually yeah. Me and AJ had enough of the guy and left him in his little caravan, but he called out to us from behind. He wouldn’t stop shouting… Like, I was about to throw this little metal box in his face to shut him up before he grabbed my attention. He was going on about how the device was broken, and it couldn’t handle transferring his conscience anymore. He apparently met himself but it caused ‘the great rapture upon us’,” Louis impersonated the man during his last sentence, making himself sound old and deranged, “Seriously Clem I’m not joking this guy was nuts, but he was a goddamn genius at the same time.”

She wasn’t going to argue with that logic, if someone was able to construct an item that could manipulate time – even if it didn’t work properly – then they would probably end up going at least a little crazy by the end of it. She looked back towards the tally marks.

“If you’ve caught on, you’ll probably understand why I’m a bit worried if I screw this up eh heh… I mean, this guy’s talking about some end of the world shit if there are two of us. He didn’t exactly strike me as a sane individual, so if what he’s saying _is_ true and we look at the tally marks here…” Clementine didn’t like where this was going. _If we’re going to end up far back enough that the machine can’t handle, our bodies can’t ‘stack’ so there’ll be two of us? And if two of us is going to cause some insane natural reaction, that means…_

“We’ll have to kill our other selves.” Louis stated out loud. There was a moment of silence between the two.

“…Holy shit.”

“You see why I really don’t want to mess this up?” The very idea of having to kill another version of herself sent shivers down her spine. Throughout her apocalyptic ‘career’, Clementine had to kill tens of people in order to keep her loved ones safe. But she never thought it would ever have to go _this_ far. She would end up having to murder a version of herself that had no part to play in all of this; she’d built up enough guilt over the course of the day and she couldn’t take on anymore.

“Louis I-- I don’t know if I could do it, I’d be denying a version of myself who still had AJ the chance to live on happily without us intervening.” Louis sighed; he was most likely prepared for that answer.

“I was afraid you’d say that, follow me, I need you to see this.” Louis turned his back on her as he made his way over to a wall still lit by the moonlight. He pointed towards a small mirror and gestured her to stand in front of it. For the hundredth time today, Clementine was confused by his intentions but looked into the mirror anyway.

“What do you see?”

“It’s a mirror Louis, I see myself.”

“Exactly! Now,” Louis approached the mirror himself and slammed his fist into it, shattering the glass into smaller fragments of itself, “Ow fuck!” His knuckles were slightly bleeding, and he seemed totally distracted from the point he was trying to make, whatever it was.

“Uhh are you okay there? You know if you wanted to break the mirror you coulda just used Chairles. You could technically time travel back if you wanted…”

“No no! It’s fine, just… forget about me being a dumbass. What do you see in the mirror now?” He was putting on a straight face, but she could tell that hurt more than he anticipated.

“I see myself, just a lot more times now thanks to you.”

“Yeah that’s the point Clem,” he rubbed his other hand over his now damaged one and muttered a curse under his breath, “Sorry, I mean, there can be so many different versions of us, but each time, it’s still _you_. Every Clementine you see in that mirror is at some point – if they haven’t already – going to lose AJ. Meaning every version of you is going to feel shitty, I’ve seen it with my own eyes around fifteen times. That’s not going to change unless we do something. Besides! It might not even come to that.” Louis tried sounding confident towards the end, but his natural instincts would never allow him to be so straightforward. “And with that, you have everything you need to know. Hopefully.”

The brunette was well aware using this time machine would probably cause some side-effects, but if Louis had given her all the important information then she was ready to go. Whatever happened to her, she needed to do this for AJ. He would do this same. “You ready for this Clem?”

“More than I’ll ever be.” She looked at Louis with fire in her eyes. He took that as confirmation and made his way back to the piano. Sitting down on the stool again, he positioned the device in front of the sheet music. Clementine took a seat next to him as nerves started to settle in. She hoped and prayed this would work, taking one final look around the room, her eyes were drawn to the ‘potato’ with initials ‘C + L’ etched into the piano’s bodywork.

“Man, I really hope we’ll get to see that again,” Louis’ voice was reflective, the engraving meant a lot to him. It served as a reminder to a happier time, and the night he got his first kiss.

“We will,” she assured him. His face lighting up, Louis ran over the plan once more.

“Right, so, we look into the box, we pick a time and focus on whatever image is shown, when we’re sent back we’ll… we’ll kill our other selves if need be, then we do everything the same until we plan for the raid, kick Lilly’s ass, save our friends, teach AJ piano, and then I can finally have a nice hot bubble bath when we’re done. Does that sound right to you?”

Giggling over the end to his plan, Clementine responded with, “Damn right!” Though, if there was one topic she was uncertain about, it was needing to do everything the same. She figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask, “But why do we do everything the same? Wouldn’t it be better to figure out something better even before the we plan the raid?”

Louis paused, and reluctantly replied. “…Because it’s how I treated this 15th attempt. How things played out this time was the exact the same as the first. Despite this being probably the hardest method to go through, I figured it was the easiest way to make you agree to this. On my 14th try, I came to you about this idea of time travel, but because the circumstances were so different, you wouldn’t even listen to me… Look, what I’m trying to say is, if we don’t set the conditions for Lilly showing up when she’s supposed to, she could appear differently. Think about it: We know exactly how everything up until the raid will turn out, but if we do something like not kicking you and AJ out, Lilly would never find you and have a reason to attack when she did. We don’t know what’ll happen then, and we’ll be back to square one! Besides, all it really means is that you and me get to spend more time together in front of this here piano, doesn’t that sound nice?”

_That does make sense, not only can we then take out Lilly during the raid, but also the rest of the Delta at the same time. And if we act quickly, whoever’s left on the boat can’t put up that much of a fight. Okay, we can do this!_ Clementine then realised that Louis must’ve had a long time to think all this through considered everything he’s explained throughout the day has made sense in the end. She wouldn’t do this just for AJ, but also for him as payment for giving her another chance. “Right! Are we ready?” She was getting excited thinking about getting to see AJ again, as soon as Louis gave the go ahead, Clem would find the boy as soon as possible and embrace him in the tightest of hugs and never let go.

“Yes ma’am! Alright so look into- Oh wait!” Forgetting something, Louis darted out of the room. With his mind pre-occupied with making sure she was fully informed, it was no surprise he would’ve forgotten _something_. She thought it must be pretty important if he ran off that quickly, but the item he held in his hands upon returning melted her heart.

It was her hat. Louis promptly fixed it to her hair, tucking loose strands of hair over her ears and behind the hat. “You uh… Still need to give this to AJ when we’re back to normal”.

“Oh Louis… thank you… so much,” the all too familiar sense of tears emerging settled in, as she embraced him in one last hug before they departed. Her heart was pounding, she had completely forgotten how much her hat meant to her and it belonged in her family. How could she have forgotten is so easily? She would add that to the mountain of debt the man was already owed.

“Come on Clem, let’s get this show on the road. Try and peak into that bottle-cap sized hole.”

Following his instructions, the brunette pressed her head onto the device and stared down into darkness. “I don’t see anythiiiing…?”

“Huh? Oh right, it’d help if I started the thing huh.” They were off to a great start.

Suddenly, she could make out shapes forming deep into the void, it was almost as if she wasn’t looking into a box at all. “Whoa…” A circular shape gathered her attention. It was a little jagged, and underneath stemmed the frame of a human body. But the circular head…? It quickly dawned on her that this was supposed to be AJ and his afro. “Louis! Louis I see him! What do I do? Do I concentrate now?” Her heart was racing, AJ was right in front of her, with just a little push she could be right next to him and-

“What? I don’t see anything!” But before long, the image of AJ had vanished and a jumbled mess of shapes, colours, and environments began tearing across her vision.

“Uh Louis? What’s going on?” He did mention he hadn’t travelled back past today… This was quickly becoming a recipe for disaster.

“Wait no no it’s fine! I can see the school hallways, oh wait they’re gone. Now they’re there again. But… clean? Uhhh oh fuck it. On the count of three, concentrate on whatever’s in front of you as hard as you can!”

_I guess that’s as good as I’m gonna get…_ By this point the device was showing an array of cluttered rooms, people, weapons you name it. She only just started thinking that maybe a device with 2 eye windows was only meant for a single person’s use. This wasn’t going to be pretty, but they’ve come this far, no way was she chickening out now.

“Okay, okay, 3…” Louis started the countdown, he could no longer hide the panic in his voice.

“2…”

“…1,” With barely anything distinguishable, Clementine prepared to look for the first thing that caught her eye, be it a colour, a chair, a field, literally anything. Here we go…

“NOW!” Her eyes darted around the void, wildly searching the amalgamation of images for a clear view… Come on… There had to be something! Beginning to panic herself, she could hear Louis murmuring to himself, no doubt he was in the same position as she was. Wait, was that a bed? It could be one from the Ericson bedrooms, this was the best chance she was going to get. “Louis! Aim for a bed! I’ll see you on the other side!”

And with that, Clementine strained her eyes until they were sore, before a wave of nausea came over her and her vision cut to black. Louis never mentioned anything about what it physically felt like to time travel… Was it working?


	3. Through the Wringer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clementine achieves some success with time travel, but she was not prepared for the toll it would take on her body.

The image Clementine had chosen to step in to was originally a bed. A bed could mean many things or many places, but the ideal scenario would be to find herself under the covers of a thin – but nevertheless comfortable – greyish duvet and lifting her head to reveal the bedrooms of Ericson’s Boarding School For Troubled Youth. There she would find sleeping in the opposite bunk, the boy who she’s defying her own concept of reality to try and save. Then, she would meet up with Louis, prepare a new plan for the raider’s attack on the school, take out Lilly and ultimately save AJ. Despite the circumstances relying on some busted rusty machine, the plan was sound. The execution on the other hand was not.

The bed rapidly coming into view was lined in a navy-blue colour scheme all the way from the pillow to the footboard. It was becoming apparent that with only one eye, focusing on a single object was becoming increasingly difficult with the swarm of everything else the machine was throwing at her. The bed was becoming hazy, and Clementine knew this was her one and only shot at getting this right. She pressed her head against the corroded metal with enough force to create an instant indent around her eye. The image continued to deter, but by practically forcing herself inside the machine, the colour navy was soon enveloping her vision.

She hadn’t managed to achieve perfect results but getting away with any single feature from the target was better than nothing. Her entire world was blue, it felt possible to look around but at the same time she could feel her head remain stationary. In fact, she wasn’t sure if she could feel anything at all except for endlessly staring into the colour she willed into creation. Her nausea had completely faded and the sensation of floating soon had Clementine fearing if she made a mistake or if this was a routine experience for Louis or the caravan man.

It almost felt peaceful. There was not a sight or sound of danger as far as the eye can see, and if it weren’t for the constant anxiety of if she’ll even get out of here, she might’ve found the whole experience relaxing.

Minuscule white dots appeared around the brunette’s vision in a blur. On the belief that focusing on something new might help somehow, she pierced her gaze onto any blurred areas she could make out. This caused the dots to become more prominent across this navy landscape, and many heavily unfocused, but partially transparent, oval shaped sections of white were becoming clearer, but barely changed shape.

The larger of the bright objects began to move at a crawl all in the same direction as one another. Clementine felt a growing pain in her head as she watched her surrounding come to life, where she attempted to close her eyes only to be met with a pronounced case of tunnel vision. As she lost track of her peripherals, darkness was entering her eyesight. Just before it totally enveloped her, she was overcome with a sudden surge of speed. Her eyesight returned in a flash and before she knew it, she was brought to an abrupt stop and was staring into a night’s sky.

_Is it over? _Was Clementine’s first thought as she finally saw something recognisable. The clouds, the stars, the moon, they were all there. Sound returned to her ears, as the cracking of burning wood provided a calming ambience to wherever she was. Speaking of location, Clementine couldn’t help but notice the stars and moon were somewhat wobbling in the sky, and this was the catalyst for the nausea she originally felt to return in full force.

“Whoa Clem, are you doin’ okay there?” Clementine heard a rough, but also comforting voice in front of her. Her hearing hadn’t become crystal clear yet, but it was obvious to her that this was a familiar sound. Who was that? She dropped her head to face the source of the noise and discovered her vision too was not in great condition. The sudden movement caused the already wobbling stars to merge into what looked like the tops of trees with a substantial blur. Before she had any time to stop, Clementine felt extremely lightheaded with a sharp pain emerging from her stomach. _Oh god…_

“Oh my god, Clem!” A voice called out to her as the nauseous girl fell to her knees and fell forward only to be held upright by her stretched arms. Clementine instantly felt a burning sensation in her throat as the taste of vomit escaped her open jaws and onto the cold floor beneath her. She was clutching her stomach in pain; as much as the seasoned survivor she was, a certain degree of resilience for the disgusting sights she commonly witnessed had been gradually built up over the years, but she was not immune to her body not taking too well to the idea of time travel.

_Holy fucking hell!_ Clementine thought in between heaves. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been genuinely sick, of course she inevitably ate some dodgy food in her travels, but they were instantly rejected by her digestive system and that was the end of it. Here however, her gut up to her throat was crying out in agony. _I knew there would be side effects of using that thing, but none this painful! _She winced as her breathing was disorderly. The cool clean air entering her lungs was highly refreshing compared to the stream of fire on the way out. It was as if she was being strangled from the inside by her own organs. How could she have possibly prepared for this? Louis looked dizzy from travelling back only a few minutes, and here she was going back half a decade…

She felt a hand rubbing her back as she was slowly losing consciousness. She couldn’t keep this up; by now, passing out sounded like a reward and it was one she was willing to accept. Trying to regain your five senses all at once was hard enough, let alone when your body can’t handle it. All her muscles that were fully functioning five minutes ago were forced to contract at a grind, and like a bicycle chain without oil, screeched in protest. Her entire body was being crushed down under its own weight. Before losing strength in the arm holding her up, another arm pressed against her chest, preventing her from falling into the putrid mess she had created that was still growing with no sign of stopping. “There there Clem, it’s alright, it’s alright…” were the only words she needed to hear before inviting the heavenly peace to take over.

***

“You know, you can’t really take watch if you’re not gonna watch anything.” Clementine delicately opened her eyes, trying her hardest not to regain awareness of her surroundings. She was frightened of the chances that looking around again might cause the same reaction, so opted to focus on the first thing that caught her eye. A fence only a few feet away towered over the girl, but it served as a perfect way to test her eyesight. Various danger signs were scattered across the railing, she was at the power station.

Strangely enough, all her senses seemed normal. She could make out every bit of iron the fence had to offer, the hand on her back had been replaced with a solid but cold structure, and she faintly heard someone make a joke next to her when waking up. That voice was instantly recognisable now she was fully aware, and it was the same who had come to her aid before passing out. Hesitantly moving her head again, Clementine already felt her eyes begin to water.

It was Kenny. And in his arms wrapped beneath a single blanket, was none other than AJ.

…She did it. The vomiting session was worth it; here he was in the flesh, Alvin Junior. Her son, her little Goofball, was alive and well. And, as an added bonus, so was the man she had once considered a father in all his bearded glory, Kenny, alongside a baby AJ, was sat next to her. They were there. Not getting mauled by walkers, not getting shot in the throat, they were just there. She couldn’t believe it…

“Don’t look at me like that darlin’, it wasn’t _that_ funny,” Clementine found herself unintentionally gawking at the pair, still in utter disbelief that the broken metallic box had actually worked. Here she was, sat with her old family once again under a starry night.

It only just occurred to her that her legs were a lot shorter now than they were ten minutes ago. Wait… Her _legs_. Clementine was staring down at her left foot in perfect condition, complete with a black shoe and no crutches in sight.

Looking further only revealed the iconic blue jacket given to her by Bonnie and worn for around two years of her life. The leg, the jacket. _Does this mean…?_ The brunette brought a hand to her face. It felt smaller than usual, her jawline and cheekbones felt more defined. There was no doubt about it, she was in the body of her 11-year-old self again. The realisation made her heart begin to thud at an increased pace.

_Holy shit_. That meant her conscience had successfully been transported back in time without creating another version of her. This was perfect. Sure, it sent her further back than she had hoped but as long as she had AJ again, nothing else really mattered.

“You’re actin’ a little strange even by your standards Clem. Then again, after watching you go through that shitshow of a performance I don’t blame you… You feelin’ better?” Kenny noticed how she was now all over herself, not being able to decide whether to look at her foot or feel her own face. For Clementine who always looked calm and collected, this was fairly out of character for her. She faced the man whose eye was locked onto hers, clearly worried about her wellbeing. It was the same look she’d received many times throughout their journey, and the sudden rush of memories of times they’d spent together broke her composure. The sensation of talking to your deceased family members was something Clementine relished in, but it also caused years of grief to resurface. She flung her arms around the man’s neck and buried herself in his beard.

“Kenny! You’re here, you’re alive! You’re-” Her voice was muffled beneath the hair and she had once again fallen into a fit of tears from the overwhelming emotion, “y-y-y-y-you’re really here… I can’t believe it…” but just as she was reminded of all the good times, they also served as a reminder for what she had lost, “Kenny… I-I-I’m so sorry, I hurt you th-th-then I lost him too… It’s all my fault! It’s all my fault… You trusted me but I couldn’t-” She felt nothing short of terrible. How could she possibly tell him AJ had died under her protection? He had trusted her with the job of protecting AJ in his dying breathes, and ultimately, she had failed. Clementine truly believed it was her fault, but deep down she was begging for forgiveness.

“There there darlin’, it was just a bad dream,” Kenny raised a hand from underneath Alvin and rested it on the back of Clementine’s head. He affectionally looked down at the crying girl, closed his eye and began rubbing her head, “I’m right here, there’s no need to worry, hey look at me,” Clem raised her head and saw all the love and care in his eye she had received for over a year of surviving together. “Me and AJ are alright, okay?” He raised AJ closer to her, the three now sharing each other’s embrace. “All of us are fine, nothin’ bad’s gonna happen. As long as we got each other, we’ll be fine Clem,” Clementine suddenly felt all the happiness of being with the two for so long rush back to her, but also the pain experienced when she caused both of their deaths. With the memories flooding back, she returned to his beard and cried her heart out, her whimpers no doubt loud enough to be heard by the group members sat around the fire. What a day it had been. Kenny gently patted her head, uttering a “Shhh” here and there, as Clementine eventually wore herself out and fell asleep.

***

It was still dark. Clementine awoke to a chilling breeze tickling her face, causing her to shiver. The rest of her body was warm though. Looking down, she was under the covers of a makeshift blanket. A dark green coat covered her from the neck down which had prevented the wind from disturbing her slumber. Her head leaned against something not as soft as a pillow, but also comfortable enough that she hadn’t any neck pains after waking up. She was facing in the direction of where she first ‘landed’, and behind the transformers shone stars that were now contrasting the pitch-black sky. They were ever so slightly wobbling again, but only enough to make her feel uneasy. Her body simply didn’t have the strength to cope with another barrage of bile.

“…Katjaa, Duck, Sarita, please forgive me…” Tilting her head almost upside-down revealed a jacketless Kenny whispering to himself. He’d given Clementine his coat while she slept, and now he was visibly shaking thanks to the lack of protection. His legs were stretched out to give room for her head to rest on his lap, a gesture she was grateful for but also made her concerned for how long she’d been asleep while he froze on the spot.

“…Kenny?”

“Huh? Oh hey Clem, thought you’d be out a little longer…” He seemed surprised to see her awake, but he was cut-off by a sneeze that caused AJ to cry. “I’m sorry little guy, I gotcha, I gotcha,” he cradled the baby in his arms to little effect.

“Kenny, your jacket… you didn’t have to…”

“Nah nah it’s fine. You looked so peaceful when you fell asleep it woulda been wrong of me to keep you in the cold lookin’ as pale as you were.” Wait, was she really looking that bad? The consequences of time travel had a much bigger impact than she ever anticipated, and she still wasn’t through it all. The uneasiness from earlier had settled into making her now feel constantly queasy, there was no way she was moving from this spot. Otherwise she’d be back to square one, and square one was not a fun experience to say the least. She gripped the collar of the coat and pulled it over her mouth.

“Kenny I don’t… I don’t feel too good…” She sounded like a helpless child, but in her situation, it could hardly be argued against. She may have hated sounding like or being treated like a kid, but right now she was truly scared of how fragile she was.

“I know darlin’. I know, and I’m sorry, but once the sun comes up you know we have to keep movin’. We’re low on supplies, and AJ here won’t make it if we don’t find that house soon.” The future hadn’t even crossed Clem’s mind… How was she ever going to walk across the frozen lake like this? She was a burden. Kenny had his work cut out for him this time around if he was going to be carrying a baby and dragging her along too.

She would have to make a plan, there were too many awful events about to happen. Luke… Arvo… Jane… She couldn’t go through all that again, especially in this condition. She might end up in the bottom of the lake with Luke, Arvo’s shot could be lethal, and she might not even make it to the rest stop through the upcoming blizzard. She had so many things to think about in such a short space of time, but right now she wasn’t interested in any of that. She’d figure everything out in the morning once she felt better and could think straight. With that in mind, she closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep, but was interrupted by a deep sigh.

“…Look, I’m sorry Clementine I shouldn’t have kept you out here. You should be by the fire and gettin’ warm, instead I was selfish and now we’re both freezin’…” She looked up at the man who was staring down at the snow. Kenny would always feel and look visibly guilty when he thought he made even the slightest mistake when it came to his loved ones. On the contrary though, hiding under the covers of his jacket led Clementine to be considerably warm despite being surrounded by the cold snow. She wasn’t sure if it was the jacket itself, or the leftover heat in her stomach from before. Of which, she could tell a new batch was simmering and was ready to be unleased at the slightest movement which most likely contributed to her warmth. The thought alone made her nervous.

“It’s just… you’re usually your own little leader. Normally, you take care of yourself just fine and don’t even need me… But when I look down on you now… I’m sorry, you just… You remind me of Duck is all.” Kenny proceeded to cover his eyes with a free hand. The man was still grieving the loss of Sarita which would’ve only been yesterday, and his family were always on his mind during times like this. That explains why and what he was whispering to himself before.

“I… I miss my boy. I miss him _so_ much…” He was staring at the sky, almost as if his son was looking down on him. The first time the brunette had heard all this, she could only be sympathetic towards the lonely father. This time around however, sympathy turned to empathy. His words struck a chord deep inside that felt as if Kenny was speaking directly through her. She couldn’t have related more to him if she tried – they had both lost their sons through the actions of others but would ultimately come to blame themselves. She was all out of tears but looked up at the man with all the misery he was no doubt feeling.

“I didn’t raise him like I shoulda, made mistakes. Wasn’t there a whole lot for a couple years, off on a boat somewhere or other…” The context may have been different, but their situation was the same, only Clementine was given a second chance unlike Kenny. She greatly wanted to pitch in, to admit her mistakes with AJ, but figured it would be better to let him have this moment.

“I thought I enjoyed that time away from them... From my family… But I’d give anything for one more second with them. To play catch with Duck, to touch Katjaa’s face. Anything in the world.” Hearing the pain in his voice a second time only left Clementine feeling somewhat guilty: she too knows what it’s like to lose family, but she found herself being able to bring them back to life. She couldn’t say the same for Kenny, he would go on to hold this pain until the day he died and there was nothing he could do about it. Compared to a man whose death was to ensure their safety, Clem began to feel truly undeserving of the hope given to her. It could’ve been given to someone like Kenny, who she knew would never allow a psychopath like Lilly to run around doing as she pleased. The guilt found itself causing her to feel even more sick.

“…How do you do it…?” The words escaped her lips without her realising.

“Wha? How do I what sweetheart?”

“You lost everything… Your wife, your son, your best friend… How do you carry on? When… when _he_ died, I was just… I was just lost. I couldn’t even bring myself out to eat…” It must’ve sounded like she was referring to Lee’s death, but in reality, it was AJ almost a day ago. “I’ve never felt so… so…”

“I know darlin’… It may seem like I’m always… always chasin’ yesterday, you know? But when you find yourself lookin’ back on everything, somethin’ always turns you back around.”

“What do you mean?”

“Clementine, listen, it’s hard and it’s always gon’ be hard. But that doesn’t mean you can just give up. Somewhere out there, folks are battered and bruised, folks you could be helpin’. You stick it out as long as you can… You help the folks you care about… And eventually you’ll find your feet again.” He gestured down to AJ. “I spent almost a year alone after Savannah, probably the worst part of my life… Sarita she… She gave me hope, took me under her wing, and now all thanks to her… Here I am lookin’ after this boy.” He turned towards the attentive girl and smiled, “And right now I’m lookin’ after you too.”

If her eyes weren’t as dry as a desert, she’d be on the verge of tears from Kenny’s story and advice. She only just learned what it was like to lose a child you hold so close to your heart, yet she found hope after a single day. Kenny on the other hand, spent a gruelling year all alone under the impression everyone he cared for was dead. Yet here he was, urging her not to give up. She had no right to. He’d endured however many times more suffering than her, and if he wasn’t willing to give up, neither was she. She opened her mouth to thank him but was abruptly stopped from doing so by the man she laid her head on.

“Oh… Clem you’re lookin’ even paler than before…” Kenny trailed off before sighing. “No, it ain’t right for you to be out here on watch with me. We need to get you by the fire.” The very thought of moving terrified her. She had to at least try convincing him she was fine, even if what he was saying was the best for her.

“Kenny, _please_… can I please just stay here with you? I’m… I’m… I’m scared, okay? I don’t wanna go,” she wasn’t too pleased to admit it, but it was the honest truth. All she wanted was to enjoy the company of her family without any worry, it could be such a nice night… but it would be asking for too much.

“Clem listen, I know bein’ under the weather ain’t very nice, but if you stay out in the cold you’re only gonna get worse. Hell, I didn’t even know you were sick until a little while ago. Come on, I’ll help you up.” Kenny positioned AJ close to him as he began pushing himself up. She just wanted to stay here resting on his lap, but she couldn’t argue that how she felt right now would only be doubled by the morning. There was no getting around this, the fire was only a short walk around the transformer, but it didn’t stop her from shaking in fear as her head now lay in the snow. Kenny placed an arm under her back so she could wrap an arm around his neck for support. “C’mon darlin’. Up’n’at ‘em.”

“Don’t let go…” Here goes nothing. How has she got to a point in her life where the idea of standing up scared her?

“I’ve gotchu Clem don’t worry, we’ll be on our feet on the count of three, okay? One, two, three!” Kenny pushed her back up straight where she was heavily leaning on him. Still not used to having a foot back or even walking for that matter, she used the supporting Kenny as she would a single crutch. As she was on her feet again, she could already feel the bile rising in her throat.

“Keep it down Clementine… It’s only a short walk… You can do this,” she repeated to herself for motivation. The pair took short steps because of Clem’s preference to hop on her right foot, and every time she put pressure on it her senses deteriorated.

After a few hops, she was already gasping for breaths. The world around her started to become fuzzy again as bits of railing, electrical conduits and even Jane stood off in the distance were blurring together. It was happening again. She would be put through the same sick-ridden torture. She couldn’t go any further; she had to stop.

“K…Kenny… I can’t…” She stumbled before finishing her sentence, throwing both of them off balance. She found herself losing grip of Kenny’s shoulders and slipped from his support, landing on both feet and hunched over with a hand on the nearby transformer.

“Whoa there Clem! You okay?” Was that Kenny? The sudden pressure she found at her feet caused a shockwave throughout her body. The urge to vomit rapidly returned as Clementine found herself gradually losing sense of her surroundings. Whoever called out to her was imperceptible. She felt cold. Her teeth were chattering but right before they would be flooded by various bodily fluids, she once again found herself lightheaded. _Kenny… Help me please… Please help me…_ She attempted to cry out but found no words coming out of her mouth. Her heart was racing, it was about to happen again, and she was petrified. She begged for someone, _anyone_ to help even though it would be all in vain. Losing all balance, she closed her eyes and tumbled to the ground. Had she even made it to the fire?

“Oh my god, Clem, not again!” …Who was… It had to be Kenny, but his voice was becoming ever more distant and she could only focus on the sound of her breaths. They too, were becoming thinner and thinner.

“Clem… come on! Clem! _Clem_!”

“…”

***

As it was, a dream was all she needed to cope with what was about to come. At least in her mind’s imagination, she wouldn’t be suffering from some ghastly illness and she could take some time to relax, even for just a second. Unfortunately for Clementine, the world wasn’t finished giving her a hard time. She had no indication to how much time had passed since her fall, but instead of finding a dream, she felt her eyes opening.

_No, I never want to wake up again. As soon as I do it’s right back to…_ She had escaped the worst of it during round two, but she knew she would not get so lucky with round three. The thought of waking up to that again made her shudder and on instinct slammed her eyes shut again.

She could feel a warm material covering her, blocking any source of light from her skin. Not only that, but a soft and almost bouncy one underneath. Kenny could have given his coat away again, but that didn’t explain why the floor wasn’t rock solid. It almost felt like a bed, except as far as she was aware there weren’t any at the power station and there definitely wasn’t one at that half-built house.

A bed… That’s what she originally aimed for in the machine. Did that mean she had finally landed at the right location? She could still feel her left foot, so she must still be in her 11-year old body. If she were to turn up at Ericson’s like this, Louis’ reaction to her being so young would be priceless. Maybe if she were at Ericson’s she could go see what he was up to, after all, he most likely would be going through the same journey as her. In one sense he was lucky, from the start of the apocalypse he’d been living at the school, meaning if he was sent half a decade back too then at least he might have Ms Martin to take care of him. Clementine had… a fisherman and a baby. That couldn’t be called fair.

With the anticipation of her location now building, the troubled teen raised her arms and pulled her cocoon of a bed duvet from over her head. She was in total shock. Dead ahead was a normal bedroom light with a lamp shade designed with pink flowers on a white surface. To anyone else in the world, this would’ve looked like just any ordinary room ceiling. But to Clementine, she was staring at the lamp shade she had grown to love over many years of sleeping in her room. Of course, this could be one hell of a coincidence, but rotating her head to the left revealed a slightly opened windowpane uncovered by the partnering purple curtains. The wall was painted in a light pink colour scheme, and a wardrobe was planted parallel to the wall next to the bed’s headboard, blocking a view of the entire room. There was no mistaking it, she was lying in her house, in her room, in her own bed.

“…Kenny? …AJ?” she called out but gained no response. Using her elbows, she angled herself slightly higher than being lay down to get a better look of the room. She began to wish she didn’t. The movement ignited the sickly feeling to circulate her system. _Oh fuck…_ She wasn’t out of the woods yet. Her heart violently thudded against her chest as the idea of round three was quickly becoming a potential reality. It wasn’t too bad though, it was roughly the same as when she was resting with Kenny, if she just took her time to adjust to the environment everything might go-

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a child crying outside. Her motherly instincts reacted immediately as she bolted up straight and called out for her son, “AJ?!”. This would prove to be Clementine’s biggest mistake of the day so far. The spike in movement – especially because it used the lower abdomen – inflamed her gut into a terrifying uproar. It was bound to happen eventually, but that didn’t stop the girl from mourning for herself. The heat was rising once again and there was nothing she could do to stop it…

But if she was in her own home, then the bathroom was right next door. That would be a more suitable place; feeling the bile reaching her throat, Clementine dashed out the bed and scurried along the floor, still not used to the concept of having two feet again. With no crutches in sight, she had no choice but to drop on her hands and proficient foot to make a desperate attempt of reaching the toilet. She felt a tremendous amount of weight slowing her down, but despite her body placing every possible hurdle in front of her, Clem reached the bathroom and promptly kneeled over the toilet. _Here we go…_ Even her thoughts were shaky and sounded scared.

The next half an hour was grim to say the least. This time she didn’t have the pleasure of passing out like the last two rounds, instead she suffered through each and every heave until she was finally emptied-out. For some reason, this time felt even worse than before as it wasn’t necessarily more painful, she just felt the pain had corrupted a larger portion of her body. This left her heavily sweating, and a dire sense of dehydration overcame her, along with the strain given off from her organs and muscles. This was probably the most damage she’d ever endured in a short space of time; sowing up her own arm paled in comparison to three rounds of a body self-detonating. With one final heave, she prayed that was the last of it, and crawled to the sink to get cleaned up.

Where she only felt an unmatched weight dragging her down just before and during her vomiting sessions, the struggle was constant now and she was about to find out why. Lifting her head level with the mirror provided yet another surprise. Clementine looked at herself in the mirror. She was 17 again. Her hat was in almost perfect condition, and her foot showed no sign of being recently-chopped. She wore the exact set of clothes she had originally set out the day with (the cargo pants, shirt, white hoodie, blue jacket etc.), only when she marvelled at her new left foot, unlike the opposing side, it was completely bare, and her pants were rolled up passed where AJ cut-off. The foot and leg were completely shaven, and her nails were pristine. She speculated whether her body had gone under some form of reset while time travelling. Not only that, but it was the same with her hat. The rest of her clothes showed signs of age with the faded designs and scratches, but her hat didn’t have a mark on it bar one. The only sign of its nine years of history… was Lee’s blood.

_What the fuck is going on…_ She wondered, curious as to how she first wound up in her 11-year old body, but now she was back in her ‘original’ self without the major injury. She investigated the rest of her body. The dog-bite scar still stretched itself across her left arm, and just above that the New Frontier brand showed the deep trenches it had formed in her skin. She wasn’t exactly pleased to see it again, but she considered her new/old foot as a physical reward for her efforts today.

Still, she felt as if she was missing something. She hadn’t yet identified when she had awoken to, but apart from the cruel amounts of pain she was - and still is - in, everything seemed normal. Even though things were finally looking up, she couldn’t shake this unsettling feeling she got from just being back home.

That was enough dilly-dallying, she had work to do. First find a new sock and shoe for her bare foot, then identify the source of the crying she heard earlier. A weapon would also be preferable, but there was a high possibility the house was already ransacked. Clementine was so caught up in the excitement of time travel that the thought of protecting herself didn’t even come to mind. If they ended up at Ericson’s this wouldn’t have been an issue.

Fumbling around her pockets to see if she’d accidently brought anything, her fingers landed on a cold metal in the back of her pants. Breathing a sigh of relief, Clem pulled the object into daylight. The relief turned to sorrow, as she pulled out the pistol she had used to shoot AJ. Of course _that_ was the only thing to come back with her. She couldn’t tell if this was lucky or if it was another way of the world tormenting her. Checking the ammo revealed it was fully loaded except for one missing bullet. Despite the emotional baggage that came with the gun, a weapon was a weapon, and one she wasn’t willing to waste. She returned it back to her pants and wet a nearby wash cloth under the sink to wipe away a combination of sick, dirt and specks of AJ’s blood still lingering on her face.

She used the sink as normal without a second thought, but it only dawned on her now that this was the first time she’d seen running water from a faucet for almost a decade – minus once or twice with her time in the New Frontier. Her barren throat cried out for refreshment at the sight, and soon enough, she tilted her head under the metal as cold water cleaned her gums and soothed her aching throat. It was heavenly. Today was probably the final day fresh water ran through Atlanta, so in case she needed any on the go, Clem filled a nearby empty water bottle to the top and stashed it away for safe keeping in an inside pocket of her jacket.

Going in a mess and coming out in style, by clutching strongly to her stomach, she attempted to walk with both feet into the hallway. Needless to say, this was going to take some adjustment, but wasting no time she set her sights on her parents’ room. She had doubled in age the last time she was here, there wasn’t a chance in hell of finding any kind of clothing that would fit from her wardrobe, so her parents attire would have to do. It was only a sock and shoe after all.

Twisting the doorknob to her parent’s room hit her with a wave of nostalgia. All the times she would sit on her mother’s lap eating pancakes on a Saturday morning… Those were some of the best moments of her pre-apocalyptic life and she couldn’t help but faintly smile at the memories. _Poor Mom and Dad… By now they’ve probably turned and wandering the streets of Savannah, maybe I can find out how it happened this time… _Her parent’s death was something that hit extremely hard at the time of discovery, but even after she had soon accepted their fate, it left a permanent element of sadness engraved into her mind as the pile of deaths only continued to stack over the years.

Fiddling around with the wardrobe, Clementine exited the room with a clean new pair of black socks and an old black running shoe. All of the boots her mother owned weren’t quite Clementine’s size, and this was the next best option. She sure as hell wasn’t going to abandon her trusty right boot just to make it look a matching pair, it was strong and reliable and if it weren’t for that psycho bitch with the axe, the left footed boot of the pair would’ve kept that walker bite out tidily. Though she had to admit, getting used to walking again was made an even more difficult task with an odd pair of shoes to work with.

The next plan of action was to identify who was crying. She figured it also wouldn’t hurt to scavenge the place for a melee weapon to reduce noise as much as possible, so she would have to make a sweep of the garage in the hope it hadn’t been touched. The first obstacle in the way of those objectives however, were stairs. Stairs that also had a bookshelf fallen near the bottom. In a way, she was grateful her stomach was recently cleaned out. It was only temporary, but at least it would give her enough time to tackle these stairs without too much trouble. Ascension only brought the worst out back at the power station, so she had no idea if descension would be any more forgiving.

Walking a few laps of the upstairs landing for balance practise with her new foot, Clementine approached each step with extreme patience. She was becoming a little dizzy at most, but pushing her luck by upping her pace wasn’t the smartest option. This was at least manageable, and when she reached the bookshelf, she lifted it to the side and slipped by before it fell back down. Having her feet back on the ground floor felt like a proud accomplishment; she was expecting that to go horribly considering her recent track record. _Okay! Now, where was I?_

Truth be told, she did not and wasn’t going to remember exactly how each day/activity played out. She was only eight years old after all, and back then she was more focused on hiding than watching Lee. She would get need to be prepared, then figure out some sort of plan.

Not knowing when danger could strike, she rummaged around the garage and found a brand-new looking screwdriver for her arsenal. Feeling satisfied with her discovery, she headed back into the main room to find whoever was crying. Nearing the television with ‘No Signal’ plastered over a blue background, Clementine’s attention was brought to the answering machine, which displayed a total of three new messages. Curious, she pressed play.

“Message 1. Left at… 5:43pm.”

“Hey Sandra-”

_Mom…_ It had been so long since she heard that voice but she recognised it instantly. She hadn’t had the chance to use the answering machine the first time, and this only made her more intrigued. She might finally find clues as to what happened.

“-this is Diana we’re still in Savannah. Uh Ed had a little incident with some crazy guy near the hotel so we had to get him back to the ER and have it checked out… Anyway, he’s not feeling well enough to drive back tonight so we’re staying an extra day. Thanks so much for looking after Clementine and I promise we’ll be back in time for your spring break!”

_Dad had an ‘accident’ and wasn’t feeling well? Oh… _Clementine was well acquainted with the apocalypse by now that she knew this means Ed was bitten. Hearing the news so many years later didn’t make it any better, but she was somewhat glad this mystery that remained unanswered to her was finally solved.

“Message 2. Left at… 11:19pm.”

“Oh my god finally! I don’t know if you tried to reach us but all the calls are getting dropped. They’re not letting us leave and aren’t telling us anything about Atlanta. Please, _please_, just… leave the city and take Clementine with you back to Marietta, I’ve-I’ve got to get back to the hospital… Please let me know that you’re safe.”

_They were trapped in Savannah? With all the chaos going on she was still worried about me… _

“Message 3. Left at… 6:51am.”

“Clementine baby? If you can hear this… call the police,” Could she hear the moaning of walkers in the background? She figured this must’ve been recorded moments before they died, “that’s 9-1-1. We _love_ you… We love you…… We love you-” the message ended with a beep, and the answering machine’s number display faded.

Clementine stood staring at a family picture. She knew they couldn’t be saved, but she felt obligated to mourn her parent’s death a second time now that she knew the details. Scared and alone, her mother’s sole focus was the brunette’s safety. Calling the police would’ve been futile at the time, but her mother’s final words on the brink of death only brought a tear to her eye.

“…I’m sorry…” She muttered under a heavy sigh.

The last place in the house she hadn’t yet checked was the kitchen, so if anyone was crying it had to be in there. A vast red stain covering the kitchen’s tiles lay between the wall and opposing countertop, and without achieving perfect balance on her new foot, Clementine slipped and tumbled to the ground with a thud. Just as quickly as she’d cleaned herself up, her clothes were now covered on the right side. She had closed her eyes during the fall, but once opening them to the slightly blurred image of her kitchen did a sinister rumble emerge from her stomach. She bolted up straight and rubbed her eyes out of pure fear. Thankfully, her razor fast reactions prevented any further… inconveniences. No. She would not end up in the bathroom again, at least not so soon.

Much to her confusion, looking through the kitchen revealed that no-one was hiding inside. _If the crying hadn’t come from here than where else could it have? _She asked herself, now finding herself digging through every drawer in case other scavengers had missed anything. Nothing – nothing – junk – rotten cookies – and… a walkie talkie?

Ah. This must’ve been the one Lee found originally. But there was only one of them, and her parents always bought them in pairs, never singularly. In that case, who had the other one? She couldn’t have lost- _Oh no_. A horrifying revelation suddenly dawned upon her. She _knew_ she was missing something. Making her way over to the window, her suspicions were correct.

Peeking through the door of the treehouse was a young girl with a purple and white baseball cap. No wonder she could hear crying from the bedroom but nowhere else – the treehouse was on the same level as and was in direct view of the bedroom’s window. The figure immediately retreated back into the wooden structure upon being noticed, but the short glimpse Clementine got of the girl sent the same shiver down her spine as when she first heard Louis’ words, of which were now repeating in her head.

_“We’ll have to kill our other selves.”_


	4. The Good Samaritan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clementine prepares to meet Lee, but has to take care of the little girl hiding in her treehouse first.

They had both agreed to it. If the plan took a turn for the worse, one of the consequences would be the machine sending their entire bodies back in time instead of just their conscience, therefore creating two versions of themselves. Keeping them around was said to bring great danger, and the only way to safely carry on would be for only one version to exist at a time. That’s what she was told. Clementine had every faith in Louis, and doing so had already brought her this far, but even he wanted to avoid this scenario at all costs.

Clementine was stood before the sliding doors to her backyard. Outside these glass doors lay her greatest time travel-related challenge thus far. Her eyes were glued to the treehouse, the overlapping leaves and branches blocked the afternoon sun, leaving the wooden structure in a shadow. Inside was a lonely, scared little girl of whom shared the same name as her. The girl was innocent, she hid in the safety of her treehouse purely out of fear and the simple desire for wanted her parents to come home. She knew what happened to her babysitter, her parents had unintentionally abandoned her, and now for the sole reason of existing in this very moment would she end up with a bullet in her head.

Guilt began creeping into the back of her mind because of what she needed to do. She trusted Louis with her life, he was the last person Clementine was fully comfortable with back at Ericson’s, and now she had to put her full trust in him if she would go through with this. He specifically mentioned this effect for a reason, and Clementine knew him well enough to know that Louis would’ve never had the courage to talk about a sensitive topic like this if he thought she wasn’t outright committed to saving AJ. But killing an innocent version of yourself just for a second chance… how far was she really willing to go?

_To the ends of the Earth_ was her initial reaction. Without her, AJ would only grow up again to be shot by that bastard in the woods. Clementine remembered the mirror demonstration Louis gave her before making the jump. The person in the treehouse was _herself_. That scared and lonely little girl would only grow up to experience the exact same pains over the years and ultimately, end up as a broken shell of her old self with almost nothing left to live for. This was going to be an extremely disturbing incident, one that may haunt her for the rest of her life in this new timeline, but she owed it to her son to amend her mistakes. She would do this for herself, to atone for her sins. She would do this for Louis, who has the confidence and belief in her even in such a depressive state. And finally, she would to this for AJ, of whom her actions had robbed the boy of a better life.

She closed her eyes. “Come on Clementine, you can do this. It’ll be over before you know it, AJ’s counting on you…” She would often be found talking to herself when alone, but it did help her to focus on the task at hand or work up some confidence. Killing her younger self would officially set her on the path to redemption. It would be a slow journey, but if she were to be convinced that she’ll from now on dedicate her life to protecting AJ, this is how she would do it. This must be done.

Sliding the glass door open, Clementine practised her walking again as she approached the treehouse. She had completely forgotten that on the day of the outbreak, she pulled the ladder up to the structure’s base platform for protection, allowing her to freely choose when to go down, but preventing anything from coming up. Ironically, her intellect was now working against her. The ladder needed to be back in place, and there was only one person who could do that. Here goes nothing…

“Hello?” Clementine questioned in a half-hushed voice. This was going to be hard enough, let alone with any walkers crashing into the garden fence. There was no response from the treehouse, but she didn’t want to start shouting in case it frightened the poor girl. With no other options, Clementine decided being indirect wasn’t going to get anywhere.

“Clem… Clementine? Are you up there?” The brunette was uncomfortable using her own name like this, but she never thought the years of talking to herself would one-day come in handy, the only difference being she would actually receive a response this time. Being direct had worked, as a quiet gasp could be heard a few seconds before the girl poked her head through the doorway. The girl looked somewhat excited, but upon scanning her other self her wide expression soon turned into one of confusion.

“You’re not my mom…”

“Uh… No… I’m not…” Clementine knew already that this was going to be one awkward conversation, but alas, she was a pro at making things up on the spot. Even if she had planned out how the conversion could go, making a convincing story would have been difficult in itself. Improvising seemed like the best approach.

“Um… How do you know my name? Do I know you?”

_Shit, maybe I should’ve at least thought of something beforehand, how the hell would I know her name? Think Clementine, think! Anything, it could literally be anything… What did I do when I was a kid?_

“Huh? Oh, well… I uh, I… used to go to the same school as you. I’ve had to pick up my son-_little brother_ AJ a few times and chatted with his teacher Miss…” _Shit, what teachers did I have?! Come on…_ Clementine quickly glanced around the garden looking for any kind of inspiration. The leaves… Miss Moore taught her leaf rubbings back in school! That would have to do. “…Miss _Moore_ who talks about the other students now and then. She’s mentioned you a few times after showing me some leaf rubbings, mentioned you were a natural.” That covered everything the young girl asked, but didn’t explain why she was here, hopefully the younger Clementine wouldn’t catch on.

A faint smile appeared over the girl’s face which probably meant the story was believable enough. She stumbled over her own words a bit but in the end produced something she could work around. This was as good of a start she could have hoped for, now all she had to do was keep it up until the time was right.

“Ohhh okay, sorry but I don’t know you. Do you want to come hide in my-” the younger Clementine paused, had she realised something? The older Clem felt butterfly’s in her stomach. It was a welcome change of pace from being nauseous, but she couldn’t help feeling nervous that her cover was blown. She crossed her fingers as she was being analysed by the younger girl. A few seconds later, the child’s face lit up. “Hey that’s my hat! You’ve got the same hat as me! Did your dad give you one too?”

_Phew_. This was exactly the luck she needed.

“Yep! Gave it to me a few years ago as a souvenir, been wearing it ever since. How about you?”

“My dad’s letting me wear it for a while. Mom and dad are on vacation right now so I’m keeping it safe until they come back! Hey, do you want to come in the treehouse with me? It’s not safe down there.”

The treehouse wasn’t the most ideal place, but with no other options available, Clementine agreed, and the ladder dropped down to the two wooden planks nailed into the tree. By using the planks, she would be able to easily get a grip of the ladder and climb for the first time since losing her leg, not that it was a problem now.

What _was_ a problem, was that as she lifted herself onto the flimsy ladder, she was no longer being supported by the ground. She took a glance down, only to find herself succumbing to a familiar sense of falling she had experienced when using the time machine. It only occurred to her now that she might have rushed into this without thinking and should’ve been more patient as she had done with the stairs. Her body hadn’t been responding to quick changes in gravity smoothly after all, and now she found herself dangling in the air. The subtle swaying of the ladder caused the brunette to feel lightheaded, as a faint blur covered her vision of the grass below.

_No wait… Not again so soon… It hurts already, argh fuck it burns so much I… Oh what have I done? I can’t see the… grass… I’m out of breath already, holy shit…_ Strength in her arms gripping to the handlebars was beginning to fade and once again was a hellish recipe beginning to brew from inside. A rumble much fiercer than earlier erupted from her stomach, and this brought Clementine back to her senses at the realisation of what was about to happen.

“Um… are you okay down there?” A squeaky voice called out to her from the platform. The honest answer was that she most certainly was not okay and was about to be a whole lot less if she remained on the ladder any longer. Her stomach was burning, and the wildfire was quickly spreading through her digestive system. There wasn’t any time left to hang around, she needed her feet on a floor right now. Strength returned to her arms in a flash as she rapidly ascended to the treehouse. If she was fast enough, there was a slim chance her body’s onslaught could be contained. _Up! Up! Up!_

“Woah!” Clementine tumbled onto the small wooden platform supporting the treehouse where her younger version wasn’t expecting an arrival with such careless speed. Without a single thought about the little girl, Clementine darted inside the wooden box and pressed her back against the opposing wall. She could feel the bile edging at her throat, sending her heart beating in a frenzy. “Come on keep it down, just keep it down!” She muttered to herself between rapid shallow breathes. There was a small window to her left, but the last thing she wanted was to use it for disposal purposes.

Her other version creeped inside the treehouse but immediately wished she hadn’t. “Oh my gosh, you look really bad, are you okay?” Clementine ignored the question, instead focusing all her attention on the more pressing concern. Unfortunately, waiting alone wasn’t doing any good, and keeping the sick inside only added fuel to the fire, forcing a pained expression to her face. She shut her eyes and desperately thought to herself, _Why can’t you just stay the fuck down?! Jesus Christ this hurts so much… What the hell is happening to me? Please just stop, I can’t take it anymore… Kenny… AJ… please help me! _Of course, no-one would be able to help other than herself. This was the fourth time in one day; Clementine was at her wits’ end. Only then did she remember she somewhat prepared for this when scavenging the house. _The water!_

Clementine’s hand almost ripped her jacket as it reached the inside pocket for the water bottle she’d packed. She unscrewed the lid so quickly it flew across the treehouse as the now very-troubled teen gulped down half the bottle with no hesitation. She wasn’t sure if it was going to help even in the slightest, but trying anything was better than the alternative.

“Oh… are you really sick? I don’t have any medicine or anything… Um…” Looking across the treehouse revealed the alternate Clementine staring at her feet in between taking tiny glances from her radio and her older self.

Goddamnit… She still needed to somehow kill the younger girl, and she already felt like shit. Luckily, the water pushed some of the bile back down and had a somewhat soothing effect, one enough to make the raging fire retreat into the pit of hell known as her volatile stomach. It was by all means still there, eager to be released, but this gave Clementine the break needed in order to deal with the more drastic concern sat before her.

“It’s fine… Really, just pass me the bottle cap please,” her reply sounded as if she was being strangled, but she couldn’t waste all the water in one go - there was a high chance this was going to happen again soon enough. The cap was returned to her, and the bottle returned to its safe haven inside the jacket pocket. She survived. Granted, it was probably only delaying the inevitable, but just knowing it could be stopped brought her a small sense of accomplishment. Taking a deep breath, the stress had brought a minor tiredness to take over. Sleep sounded oh so very refreshing right now, but she still had a job to do.

_Just go and get this done already, you can rest later. It’ll be over before you know it._ It was all well and good thinking it’ll be easy, but how was she going to do it? Just pull the gun out and shoot like some cold-blooded killer? That’s what she should do for the least amount of trouble. It wouldn’t be the first time she’s pulled the trigger without even getting to know the person, but this wasn’t just anyone, this was just a kid. Before she could further contemplate the morals behind shooting your child-like self, a quiet voice questioned her.

“Um… What’s your name?”

“Huh? My name?”

“Yeah… I invited you up here, but I forgot to ask you before, do you mind telling me?”

Well, saying ‘Clementine’ sure as hell wasn’t going to go down well. _Just pick a name. **Any** name. It won’t matter in a few minutes._

“Oh, well… it’s uhh… V-Violet.” That was the first girl’s name that came to mind and it would have to do.

“Violet… That’s a pretty name,” Clementine received a warm smile, the younger girl probably thought she was about to make a friend. How painfully wrong she would be. “Um, Violet? Do you mind me asking if-” the squeaky voice was drowned out by a thundering set of crashing sounds that couldn’t have come from very far away. “Eeek! What was that?”

Crashing in the woods? At this time on this day, that could only have been the car wreck from the first time she saw Lee. In an hour or two, he’d be here and Clementine was still stuck with not knowing how to kill off her other self. A spark of inspiration hit her. Originally, she had climbed down the treehouse and hopped over the fence to see the wreckage. That meant the young girl next to her would be thinking about making a move sooner or later. This could be taken advantage of. The brunette reached into her back pocket and placed a hand over AJ’s pistol, this was the opportunity she would have to take.

“Hey Clem? That sounded really bad outside, could you take a peek out the door and have a look? It might be monsters.” There was no way she was pulling a gun on a child while their eyes were staring into her own. Not again, not so soon after what she had to do to AJ…

“I know… I don’t want any more to show up. They’re so scary…” The girl’s voice became distant as she pushed the door open. With her focus now set on the forest behind the garden fence, the girl payed no attention to the gun being drawn to her head. Clementine’s arms were shaky, the gun rattling in her hand. This was the second child she would be executing in the span of two short days…

_It has to be done. There’s no Louis this time, it’s all on you. Come on Clementine, just pull that trigger, and it’ll all be over._

“I think I can see a car, and there’s a policeman! Hey Violet, should we-”

“I’m sorry…” She looked away from the girl and closed her eyes. The metal framing produced unnerving clicks in her unsteady hand, why wasn’t she pulling the trigger? _What are you doing Clementine? You can’t hesitate. Not now. You need to be strong, for AJ!_

** _Bang!_ **

The girl began turning back around but was only met with a bullet through her left temple. The inner walls of the treehouse were now painted in a fresh coat of blood as the body slumped before the doorway. A hammer and walkie-talkie bounced from the falling body to Clementine’s feet. Lettings her arms weakly fall to her sides, she tilted her head up to the roof and after a small peak at the body, re-closed her eyes. _It’s over… You did it._

Lee would soon appear but worrying about that could wait. Clementine could only feel relieved about what she had accomplished. It was a gruesome task, but she pulled through. The fatigue growing from a few minutes ago was spreading through the relief, becoming far more concentrated than it had previously been, and Clementine felt herself slowly drifting to sleep as a single sentence played through her mind on a loop. _You did it... You did it… You did it…_

***

The crackling of firewood flowed through the air. Clementine hadn’t felt her eyes open but was looking into the flames of a small campfire on an angle. It was so calming, but where was she? Behind the flames revealed a man wearing a washed-out orange shirt and a woman with ginger hair in front of a tall grey structure. Luke and Bonnie… She was back at the power station again. The two weren’t talking, and on closer inspection Clementine realised they were both fast asleep. The only sound in the area came from the fire; no-one was talking, there was no wildlife, all that could be heard was the relaxing snapping of wood under a gentle breeze.

Bringing her attention back to herself, she wondered what her head was resting on. Looking down towards someone’s lap, she shifted her gaze skyward to find Kenny sleeping soundly with a baby AJ cradled in his arms. It was then she noticed his jacket covering her, meaning once again she was cuddled up beside him, only this time he wasn’t shivering thanks to the warmth given from the fire. All of this combined made the world around her seem so peaceful, it was almost as if she hadn’t just ended the life of an innocent girl only minutes ago. When she pointed the gun at the child, she was worried that she didn’t have the strength to pull the trigger, and that she would throw away the life-changing chance given to her because of a few seconds of hesitation. Here in this moment however, she had no worries. The jacket and fire provided a comforting heat that eased her muscles from the remnants of tension clinging on from her time in treehouse, and for the first time in what felt like years, Clementine felt relaxed.

She closed her eyes and soaked in the scene around her. This is exactly what she was begging for – a moment of peace to clear her mind, to forget the horrors that plagued her presence. The combined warmth of the jacket and fire, the support from Kenny’s lap, and just being with her family again was all she could ever have hoped for. And to top it all off, the intense nausea tormenting her all day had vanished. _Finally_ she had caught a break. It wouldn’t last long, but Clementine basked in the moment of peace.

_I feel normal again… Wow… No burning, no headaches, it’s so nice… Just lying here with Kenny and AJ, feeling **normal**._ A tear was brought to her eye as she marvelled at this perfect world. Being conscious in a time without all the pain and suffering was overwhelming, especially just after the events that occurred in the treehouse.

“…”

She didn’t speak a word, and for a short while, not a thought crossed her mind. She was fully immersed in the dream; it was so good that it was best experienced there and then. No plans or actions, just living in it to the fullest.

“…”

Eventually feeling curious, she began to wonder if she had travelled through time again or if it was simply a dream. Checking beneath the cover of the green jacket unveiled her current outfit, and her body was most definitely not the size of an eleven-year old’s. Ah. If Clementine was ever grateful for one skill she’d accidently learned over the years it was the ability to lucid dream on a fairly regular basis. A dream meant she wasn’t thrown into another complicated scenario, which itself provided an additional sense of calmness.

With no one to disturb, her eyelids dropped as she endlessly gazed upon the flourishing red flames. Tranquillity tugged at the corners of her lips, as she continued to enjoy every last second this dream had to offer. Her weary eyes took one last glance up at the pair next to her. Seeing Kenny and AJ so innocent like this warmed her heart, and despite everything she had gone through today, Clementine was happy.

She cuddled closer to the pair before letting her eyelids completely enclose her vision. She allowed herself to enjoy the warmth for as long as she could, and after a long minute passed, she soon found herself falling into a quiet slumber. A final thought ran through her mind, feeling so grateful for this chance to rest at ease. _Thank you…_

“…”

“…”

“…”

***

Her dream-like state had translated a broad smile over to her real figure, as even opening her eyes to the bloodied treehouse couldn’t erase the immense sense of peace still lingering from the power station. Clementine awoke in the same position she had in front of the fire only without Kenny’s leg keeping her neck up. Her eyes landed on the walkie-talkie; it was emitting a deep voice through the static radio noise.

“Hello, is anyone there?” It was Lee! The brunette scrambled for the device as she sounded eager in her response.

“Yes! Where are you?” Her dream had left her in a positive mood, so she couldn’t help but feel excited at the chance of meeting her old guardian again. Picking up the nearby hammer, she made her way over to the treehouse entrance.

“I’m in the kitchen looking out the window. Can you see me at all?”

Pushing the small corpse blocking her path to the side, she muttered a quick, “I’m sorry,” before crawling out into the late afternoon sunlight now unblocked by the tree. Visibility through the glass was poor due to the reflecting sunlight, but there he was dressed in his traditional blue shirt, with one side covered in the blood she too had fallen in. Huh.

“I’m up in the treehouse, see?” She gave Lee a wave before noticing just how high off the ground she currently was. She wouldn’t be able to stay up here for very long. As if right on cue, Clementine noticed movement coming from the sliding doors. Lee was still at the window, so that must mean… It was Sandra. _How the fuck did she get there? I checked almost every inch of the house before coming up here!_ As the walkerfied Sandra lunged for the unaware man, Clementine slammed in the walkie-talkie input button with her thumb. “Lee, behind you!”

“What? OH SHI-” his voice cut out; she could see Sandra’s arms flailing around the kitchen in an attempt to grab Lee. She needed to get down there. He only survived the first time because she arrived hammer in hand for him to use, so that’s exactly what she would do again. Only this time provided an extra challenge.

Taking her first step down the ladder, reality completely broke Clementine apart from any dream-like state she was still under the influence of, as she was quickly made aware that she was carrying a full tank of less-than-savoury fluids from earlier. Where she would usually be afraid of this now common sensation, it only left her frustrated. _Will you just fuck off for five minutes?!_ She needed to reach the house and save Lee. No matter how painful this is becoming and will come to be, nothing would stop her. Slamming her eyes shut to ignore the fast changes in vision her body wasn’t accustomed to, she rapidly descended the ladder and upon feeling no steps below, jumped to the ground.

_OOF_. A tremble from the floor rocketed upwards through her. That might not have been the best idea, her body could barely handle a ladder and now she was attempting to fall from height. The tremble caused a reaction as the crammed pit of hell from inside was beginning to open again. _No, I’ve got to reach Lee before…_ A burning gas emerged from her throat, interrupted her thoughts. Whatever was brewing wasn’t going to take ‘No’ for an answer this time, forcing Clementine to her feet as she dashed up the patio stairs and opened the sliding doors.

Sandra was all over him as Lee desperately tried kicking the walker away to no avail. Holding her up by the shoulders, Lee was gradually losing the battle as the walker moved in for the neck, but not before Clementine dropped the hammer next to the man in danger. “Use this!” There was no way she had the strength to fight a walker right now, and it was taking all her willpower to make sure Lee would be safe instead of releasing her inner demons to the floorboards.

Lee hastily grabbed the handle and proceeded to fling the hammer into the walker’s skull. It fell to the side and just like before, Lee gave Sandra a brutal beatdown. “AH! HU! ARGH!” And with the fourth and final blow, he let out a fierce roar. Sandra’s skull was in pieces, and the dark crimson blood was leaking onto the carpet.

Lee didn’t even get the chance to introduce himself before Clementine had to take care of the next order of business. She tensed her entire body to slow down the process, but without any more threats, she could ‘relax’. The train of fire was swiftly making its way through her system. Yep, no amount of water was going to hold this back.

“You’re safe? Wonderful, now if you’ll excuse me-” it felt like someone suddenly sent a fist straight into her gut causing her to flinch, before continuing “-for just one moment…” And with that, she could no longer hold it in. She held onto the right-hand frame of the door and kneeled behind the wall so Lee didn’t have to witness this monstrosity. Here it comes…

“Holy shit Miss… are-are you alright?” Lee walked outside to see a teenage girl barely able to hold herself up as rounds of vomit clashed against the wooden floor. “Goddamn…”

This was the last way she wanted her reunion with Lee to go. She wanted to jump into his arms, this wasn’t the fictional character she had created in her dreams, this was the _real_ Lee. She had longed for this day to come, but now that is was finally here, it couldn’t have come under worse circumstances. Clementine was starting to get used to this sick-fuelled routine but that didn’t make it any less painful.

“Miss, are you on some meds I can get you ‘cus this is-”

“Heh. No meds are gonna be able to fix this,” she replied between a heavy heave. Each one was starting to violently sting, that couldn’t be a good sign. She looked up at the man who was giving her a look of total horror and tried to give him the faintest of smiles. Turning back down to her mess, her eyes widened at the sight of vomit mixed with hints of blood_. Holy shit… This is bad, that hasn’t happened before,_ she managed to think to herself shortly before her organs tightened and it was back to another heave.

She carried on for another few minutes, Lee stood off a foot away from her awkwardly. This was one hell of an introduction to a stranger, especially one that saved you. In his defence, there was absolutely nothing he could do apart from wait around until she was finished. The brunette heard over her shoulder, “I’ll uh… find you some water. You need it more than I do,” before hearing footsteps re-entering the house. While he was out of sight, Clementine had (hopefully) cleared out her system and fell back onto the door frame taking deep breaths. Looking back to the pile revealed that a higher volume of blood was appearing through each heave, it was only a few specks at first, but they had grown in size enough to make her even more concerned about her health. As far as she was aware, she was sent back in time twice so the damage she originally sustained at the power station could have at least doubled by now. It was safe to say she urgently needed rest, but this only frightened her as the only time she could find any was at the motel, which was over a full day away. And she needed to go through the drug store drama first…

_I’m so fucked._

Lee returned with a cup in hand, filled to the brim with cold water. Handing it over, Clementine weakly thanked him before downing it in one go.

“Are you uh… are you good now?” Clementine looked up towards the man towering over her. He was just as she remembered, he was looking down upon her with compassion marking every corner of his face, a look she had often received under his care but now she was getting it as a complete stranger.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m… I’m _good, _thanks for the water you have no idea how much it helps.”

“After chocking up all of _that_, I think I have a pretty good idea. So what’s your name?”

“I’m Clementine, this wa-is my home,” saying she didn’t live here wouldn’t have made much sense, she would probably have to tell a couple lies so she didn’t sound crazy.

“Hi Clementine, I’m Lee. Wait…” he looked down to the walkie-talkie seeping through one of her cargo pant's front pockets. “When that thing attacked me, you called out my name. Do you know me?” And there was another person asking if she knew them. Clementine made a mental note to be more careful of that. But what story could she give this time? Maybe playing it off would work… This was Lee she was talking about though; he would see through a lie like that without any trouble. In fact, anything she said wouldn’t sound convincing, it might have done to an 8-year old who places their trust in others far too easily but not to a genius like him. Her mind going blank, Clementine just stared back with a bewildered expression. Silence is always a valid option. A few moments of silence passed, before Lee decided to drop the matter.

“Okay then… So Clementine, why were you hiding in that treehouse up there? Is that blood?”

“Um… Well you’ve seen this mess beside me, I must’ve coughed some up getting up there.” Luckily the child-murder was mostly inside the wooden structure, but a few sprays had found themselves stuck outside the doorway.

“Oh my god…”

“Yeah, I’ve had a rough day.”

“That’s not up for debate. Have you been hiding out here all alone? Should we go looking for your parents?”

With a heavy sigh, Clementine got straight to the point. “…They’re dead.” There was no point in hiding the fact, he would be better off knowing right there and then. Originally, Lee was the one to discover her parent’s demise through the answering machine but now she might as well give him the blunt truth.

“Fuckin’ hell… I’m sorry Clementine. Um, sorry to ask, but did those _things_ get them…?”

“It’s fine Lee, really,” she had already accepted the reality for over 8 years, any normal person would have seemed a lot more depressed than she was acting right now. Her voice sounded too casual despite being more or less emotionless. “They went on vacation to Savannah. My Dad got bit, turned, and I assume he and some other walkers got my Mom. Now they’ll wander the streets of Savannah. Forever.”

“Oh my god, I am so sorry Clementine… that’s…”

“It’s… It’s fine. This is just what happens sometimes.” She repeated the same words she told AJ on her what-should-have-been deathbed. That was the harsh reality of the world she lived in, and now she was about to go through it all a second time. It was sad to say that she was already prepared for it.

Lee kneeled down beside her, wincing from his leg that had a deep cut around the knee. He looked at her with soft eyes, “How? How could you know all this?”

“You saw the answering machine inside? Mom sent me three messages. They told me everything I needed to know.” Her gaze was fixated on his leg. Now that she knew the basics of sewing up her own injuries, it was possible for her to treat Lee’s wound instead of that farmer. “Your leg’s looking pretty bad there, I can find something to patch it up.”

“Sorry Clementine, but I’ve been through your house and the place is ransacked,” of course it was how could she forget? She felt annoyed with herself for overlooking such a detail. “Plus, I think we need to look after you a lot more than we need to look after me.” Lee looked down at the bloodied mess she’d made. “Eugh…”

Clementine stared down at the floor at the statement with furrowed brows. She felt like a burden. An 8-year old is easier to manage than a sick girl who can barely stand on her own two feet without falling into a fit of blood and bile. Would she even make it to the Motor Inn?

“Look… I’m not gonna leave you out here all alone okay? Come along with me, and we’ll try to make you feel better. I’m kinda out on my own here too, so we’ll have a better chance of survival if we stick together.” Lee was probably the nicest man she had ever known. Here he was once again offering to take care of her even under different circumstances, and it was an offer her heart could not refuse.

“Ha. As if I’ll be of any help with the state I’m in… You don’t know how grateful I am for this Lee, thank you so much.”

“It’s no problem, we have to look out for each other. Now, we should probably get a move on before it gets dark, are you okay to start moving? Or do you want to rest up first?”

The sooner they get to that farm to sleep the better, in truth she was in no condition to move but there were no other options.

“Let’s get out of here before dark, can you help me up please?”

“Sure, here we go.” Clementine extended her right arm to which Lee used to pull her off the ground. Her legs felt seriously unstable, though it came to no surprise with the day she was having.

“Right, are we ready?”

“Hold on, just one sec.” There was something she didn’t get the chance to do before and she damn well wasn’t going to miss another opportunity. She turned to his direction, wrapped her arms around his waist and embraced him in a tight hug, just as she had done in so many of her dreams. This was the real deal, the Lee she knew and loved was back. She couldn’t bottle up these emotions, she had to express them somehow, even if the man in question didn’t understand the reasoning for such a loving act. Tears were forming as she pressed her head against his chest and said, “Thank you… thank you so much.”

Lee was a little shocked from the sudden embrace but didn’t spoil the moment for her. “There there, Clementine, it’s gonna be alright.” He placed a hand lightly on her hat and another on her back. The gesture opened the floodgates as tears poured down her face. She couldn’t help it, years of blaming herself for his death only made her feel ever more grateful that he was standing in front of her. “Come on, let’s get going.”

Snivelling, she pulled her head back, “Yeah… yeah let’s go. Can I maybe hold on to you? I’m not feeling very strong. Oh wait, is the water still running? Can I re-fill my bottle quickly?”

“Of course, here.” He extended his right arm for her to wrap her left arm around. With the other being used to cover her aching stomach, she went to restock her water supply before the pair walked over to the gate where two guys were pushing a blocked car in the road. She vaguely remembered this encounter; they’d get the truck free and be on their way to the farm. Hopefully it would play out the same too.

Lee pushed the gate open, letting out a noticeable sound that alerted the guys. “Hey man!”

The two turned around, looking terrified. “Holy shit!”

“Don’t eat us!”

“We’re not gonna hurt you,” Lee reassured them by holding his free arm up. He would’ve held them both if it weren’t for the girl clinging to it for dear life.

“Phew. Thought for a second you and the girl were gonna give us the chomp.” The man with black spikey hair seemed to calm down much faster than his friend. She couldn’t remember their names, but she recognised one of them as someone who was devoured at the farm. Maybe it was possible to save him? Then again in her condition, maybe not.

“Do you know what the hell this is?” Lee was asking the wrong person. Clementine was sure she could provide a 1000-word essay minimum for the question, regardless, she kept quiet and let the conversation flow as it had previously.

“No idea! So you’ve seen them then?”

“…You could say that.”

“I’m Shawn. Shawn Greene.”

“Lee. This here’s Clementine, she’s uh… she’s not doin’ too good.”

“And I’m Chet.” The quieter man spoke up, seemingly relieved to find people instead of walkers.

Shawn surveyed the area, behind their truck were the corpses of her old neighbours slanted against various broken cars. “We shouldn’t be out here in the open. How about you help us clear the way, and we’ll take you and your daughter out of here, and down to my family’s farm. It should be safer there.” The offer sounded luxurious compared to the first time she heard it, a quiet farm with a good excuse to hit the hay.

“I’m not her dad, I’m…” Lee looked down to the girl still tightly gripping his arm. Clementine could only stare at the pavement, hoping the conversation would finish. It was easier making up a story for finding a little girl than a sick teenager. “Uh…”

“A good Samaritan?”

“Yeah, a good Samaritan.”

“Well let’s get going, staying put for too long is a mistake.”

Lee nodded in response but wanted to confirm whether she wanted to leave her house. “What do you wanna do?”

“The faster we leave the better, let’s get that truck free.” Clementine released her grip of Lee’s arm and held out her hand to quickly balance herself. She walked by Shawn and Chet, placing her hands on the wrecked car’s bonnet. She definitely didn’t have the strength to move the car at all, but it would at least encourage the others to do the same. “Come on.”

Chet picked up on the walkers shambling from around her neighbour’s fence, “Them monsters comin’, we gotta go!” Both Shawn and Lee joined Clementine at the warning and pushed the wreckage clear. She tried to help, but it was obvious that her frail attempts were in vain. With the walkers gaining ground, the small group climbed inside the truck and made a quick getaway. Clementine was sat in the middle seat of the three, taking one last glance over her neighbourhood before Chet who was sat in the cargo bed and the surrounding forest took it out of sight. It was strange, she had lived there her entire life as a child, but now it didn’t feel like home at all. The only place that did was Ericson’s.

“You know, for a good Samaritan, you’ve saved a lot of people today,” Shawn directed at Lee from behind the wheel. He wasn’t wrong, she probably wouldn’t have made it out of the neighbourhood if it weren’t for him, which was just another reason to be thankful for everything he’s done. Still, something about the car ride didn’t feel right. The car jolted as they encountered multiple bumps in the road and pathways, but she still couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Shawn at some point hit a pothole, causing Clementine to bring the side of her hand to her forehead. All of the movement was beginning to make her dizzy, as her head swayed on the head rest around every corner. Fuck. She had forgotten how they reached the farm in the first place.

“Lee…?”

“Hm? What the matter Clementine?”

“Can you roll the window down please?”

“You feelin’ hot? Sure thing.” The cool refreshing air filled the car, but that’s not what she was after.

“Great, now… I’m gonna need to trade seats with you.”

“Huh? Why’s that-” Lee was initially confused at the strange request but upon seeing the green tint radiating from her cheeks, he soon got the message. “Oh shit…”

“Everything okay over there?” Shawn kept his eye on the road but couldn’t help but wonder what these strangers were up to.

“I told you she wasn’t doin’ good.”

“…Shawn…? How long is it gonna take to reach that farm of yours?” If she was going to have her head propped out this window for the entire ride, she needed to know how much suffering she was in for.

“It’s almost evening now so we should probably get there by nightfall.”

_Oh dear God…_

***

With the truck coming to a stop, Clementine burst out the door and fell to her hands and knees. _Sweet beautiful ground… After the treehouse and truck, I swear I’ll never leave you again_. Lee gave her a look of genuine concern as he closed the door behind him, ignoring Chet who was saying his goodbyes and instead focused on the girl he just met. The ride here was rough to say the least, Clementine had single-handedly given the truck a fresh coat of paint down the bodywork. She was sure Lee noticed this as he exited the vehicle but cleaning up her mess wasn’t her primary goal right now.

A door opening caught their attention. Out stepped an older man in a green attire with a white beard, it was Shawn’s father. “Thank God you’re okay.”

“I was worried it’d be bad here too.” Shawn and his dad greeted each other with a warm hug. Just like the son though, Clem couldn’t remember the parent’s name. There had been so many names in her life that eventually she only remembered the important ones. The two caught up with recent events before the dad brought his attention to the unfamiliar faces who arrived on his land.

“You brought a couple guests.”

“C’mon Clem, let’s meet Shawn’s family.” Lee offered a hand down to Clementine who still had her hands in the dirt. Never before had she appreciated the ground so much as she does now. She took a hold of his hand, and the pair walked around the truck to greet them.

“Your boy is a lifesaver.”

“Glad he could be of help to somebody. So it’s just you and your daughter then?”

“Oh, not his daughter. He’s, well… a good Samaritan,” Shawn chimed in. It would’ve been easier to play along but there’s no harm in telling the truth.

The older man shifted his gaze to meet Clementine’s eyes. His eyes were narrowed as he asked, “Miss, do you know this man?”

Clementine was confident in her answer. She’d spent half a year with him in the beginning then he provided guidance from her mind for the remaining years. It sounded like a silly question to her, but in the context of them only just meeting, it was fair. “Yes. This is Lee, he’s been helping me before Shawn picked us up, I owe him a lot. My name’s Clementine, nice to meet you.”

“Don’t be humble, if you hadn’t arrived with that hammer I’d be dinner by now! I owe you just as much.” The pair shared a quick smile.

“Pleasure to meet you, I’m Hershel Greene. Now, it looks like you hurt your leg pretty bad there Lee.”

“Yeah, it’s not doing too good.” He sounded worried; he was probably hiding most of the pain for her sake, but after taking another look Clementine realised just how swollen it had gotten.

“I can help you out. Shawn, run on in and check on your sister. You, take a seat up on the porch and I’ll go see what I have.” Clementine found this good intention amusing; she was living in a world once again where strangers were nice enough to offer up their medical supplies for no reward. What a crazy world this was…

As Lee took a seat on a bench, Clementine sat on the stairs facing the ground. _What a fucking day. The power station, head in a toilet for an hour, the treehouse, the other me, meeting Lee, the saving Lee vomit round, the car ride vomit round, and now here we are. Only a few more minutes and I can finally rest…_ She was hoping her mind would be generous enough to place her right back into her power station dream, it was heavenly the first time round and did it ever sound like a welcoming comfort after such a long day. She payed no attention to Lee or Hershel who was bandaging the swollen leg, their conversation being relatively the same. Eventually, one of Hershel’s question’s peaked Clem’s interest.

“How did you stumble upon Clementine here anyway?”

“I jumped a fence trying to escape some of those things you’ve been hearing about. I landed in her house, but when I entered, I was attacked and she came to my rescue. Then I found out how sick she was. It’s nasty.”

“Nothin’ a good night’s rest can’t handle.”

“Uh, no Dad, he’s not kidding. She’s _sick_. I’ve seen it for myself.” Shawn joined the conversation after finishing his business inside. She wasn’t sure if he was defending her or making it sound worse. He then brought up that the farm needed protection, and that they and another family could help out in the morning. Another family? That’s Kenny! Clementine was visibly excited by the chance to meet her old companion for real this time, without getting sent back in time for another few years. Lee glanced over to her, raising an eyebrow as he could only wonder why that lifted her spirits so much.

Finishing his treatment, Hershel offered the two to rest in the barn for the night and asked about Lee’s plans. He was interested in heading towards Macon again, most likely because of his family. Clementine knew he wouldn’t be happy with his findings, but it was something that couldn’t be avoided. Heading towards Macon meant dealing with the drug store and setting their sights on the Motor Inn. There she would figure out a plan, but right now all she wanted was to get some beauty sleep.

Entering the barn, Clementine glanced up to see three people sleeping on the highest layer. There he was… But meeting him would have to wait. Clementine pulled the thin bedding stacked in the corner to the centre and climbed in. It wasn’t anywhere near as warm as being by the fire at the power station, but maybe she wouldn’t have to worry about that once she fell asleep. Getting herself comfortable, it felt amazing to get off her feet and not have to worry about her stomach imploding. A waft of typical countryside smells entered her nostrils, as she said out loud, “It smells like shit huh?”

“Clementine!” Lee looked shocked, but before long his face turned to one of amusement before replying with, “Hm, I guess it does.” Honestly, she only said it to see how he would react with using his old words against him and it was more than worth it. She would have to use her knowledge to her advantage to make some priceless reactions, but not enough that people become suspicious of her.

“Hey, Clem?”

“Hm?”

“I didn’t want to ask when we first met because you were… you know. But now that you seem alright, I’m just wondering…”

“Lee, whatever’s on your mind, just ask. It’s fine.”

“Well… Why are you wearing odd shoes?”

Seriously. That’s what he was struggling to ask? He was referring to the fact that she had one of her mother’s old running shoes on as well as her trusty boot. She sighed, but would give him an explanation. No doubt it would look strange to just about anyone.

“I had a little…. Accident. I had both of these boots originally, but let’s just say there was some crazy bitch with an axe and now I don’t. I’m _real_ lucky to have my foot again.” That last part slipped out, she hadn’t meant to reference losing her foot entirely. Hopefully he wouldn’t catch on to her odd choice of words.

“Jesus, what the hell have you been through these last few days… What happened to her?”

“Hm let’s see… she tried cutting me in two, then deciding she wasn’t satisfied, went to finish me off. So I shot her,” Lee’s eyes went wide. This must have sounded like the strangest girl he could have come across. “It wasn’t lethal or anything, just enough to stop her. And stop her it did.” Her voice was stern at the memory of Minerva being devoured. The only reason she attacked them on the bridge was to get Tenn killed and that’s exactly what she did. “Good riddance.”

The was a moment of silence as Lee processed the story. “…It sounds like you’ve had it a lot worse than me that’s for sure. You uh… got any family left?” That was a good question, the only people she considered family from this farm was Kenny and Lee, but now she’d only just met the one and the former didn’t even know her. Then there’s AJ who isn’t even born yet, and won’t be born for another two or so years… The only person she could reliably say was Louis, and that was assuming he ended up in the same time period as her.

“I… don’t know how to answer that. I have a… a boyfriend… but I think he’s in a different state.” This was the first time Clementine had used the word ‘boyfriend’ when referring to Louis, her cheeks were dyed in a light blush as she thought of everything he’s done for her. She didn’t notice the soft grin forming on her lips, it was all thanks to him that she met Lee again, and soon would meet Kenny. Louis is the only person whose bond with her might have stayed intact in this new timeline, and she wondered how he was getting on. If he was back in his original body too, then that meant he has to spend his time around all the Ericson kids, of whom had actually turned back into kids. That can’t be fun.

“I’m so sorry Clementine, if there’s anything I can do just let me know.”

Lee’s question brought her back to reality. “It’s okay Lee, you’re doing enough as it is. Just keep an eye on me in case I look, you know, dizzy or something. You know what’ll probably happen,” She said with a shudder. Just because she had been through it five times that didn’t make it any less scary. At least when her leg was cut open that only happened once, this was on a whole new level.

“That I do… When did this sickness come on?”

“Would you believe me if I said last night?”

“It’s that bad already!? If you start feeling anaemic or anything, you let me know okay?”

“I will. Thanks again Lee… for everything,” she whispered that last part under her breath.

Lee looked like he wanted to ask something else, but he was done grilling the girl for the night. “Good, now we should get some rest, they’ll be ringing the bell early in the morning.”

“Way ahead of you.”

Closing her eyes, Clementine drifted off to sleep. _What. A. Day._


	5. Ducks and Trucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Kenny's family. After another awkward reunion, Clementine finds some time to think, where she discovers a new danger from within.

Clementine’s mind was a cage. She was locked in and endless cycle of despair for years now without any escape. Death after death empowered the chains oppressing her, making any chances of breaking out slimmer by the day. Occasionally, signs of hope would filter through the iron bars enough that she would be inches away from a long overdue rescue. All of these signs had names. They were the names of people, places, or even the brand of food discovered on the brink of starvation. On a day when freedom looked so far out of reach, she found a key. It didn’t have a scratch, and the warm metal shone from the palms of her hands that illuminated her prison, revealing everything she could ever have hoped for behind the bars. Love, laughter, belief. It was all there and by using said key was Clementine able to release a chain from holding its firm grip. Over time, the key started showing signs of use, but she protected it with her life. It was her ticket out, the more chains she unlocked the more she began to feel alive again. Then, when only a single flimsy restriction remained, did the key break. All of her hard work was gone in an instant. The light began to fade, and once more did she feel truly trapped, before an unexpected turn of events broke her from all confinement.

She should have been the host of the party. One could even call it a reunion. The feelings she’d strived to reach for so long were there for the taking. Unfortunately, she had only made the guest list. By being gone for so long, they felt unfamiliar. A place she had thrived in as an innocent child now felt like new territory. The writing was on the wall, and despite achieving her goal, reaching the end after so long only caused confusion. She didn’t know how to feel. She broke the key; did she even deserve to be set free? And how could she possibly ensure she would never be trapped again? These were questions Clementine may never be able to answer, but she would take it upon herself to prove her doubts wrong, and the best way she knew how was to keep moving forward.

Her vision painted a tall silver fence under a pitch-black sky upon her eyes. The canvas was instantly recognisable, as Clementine breathed a sigh of relief in knowing she was back at the power station. This was the only cage known to provide comfort. It offered protection, and inside could you find the warmth of people’s company instead of punishing isolation. She had hit the jackpot; all she wanted was to experience this luxury once more after such a demanding day and her dreams were providing just that. To an extent, her dreams had been a sign of hope from within her cage. The ability to converse with her fallen fatherly-figures provided a support now more important than ever as she stepped into this old world. They may be alive again, but the version’s she had gotten to know and subsequently cherished in her mind were invaluable.

“Good mornin’ Clem, did you sleep well?” a softly spoken voice called from behind. From the angle her head was titled, she knew exactly who was talking. She’d picked up right where she left off the last time she was here, where she was still under the pleasant heat of a jacket and resting on the owner’s lap.

“You have no idea,” her voice was mellow. She had gone to sleep under the pain of an aching nauseous body, and in this world where she controlled her normal self, she found it to be an exceptionally relaxing experience. Her reply earned a brief smile from Kenny, before his expression morphed into one of sorrow as his eyes were trained on one of the group’s still sleeping members. Looking around the same direction, Clementine noticed the original group she was with at the power station had vanished. Where Luke and Bonnie had previously slept was building up thin layers of snow, and the sight further to the left puzzled the brunette. On the corner of the opposite transformer was Lee fast sleep. And this wasn’t the Lee she had just met back at her house, this was the one she talked with on the train so often in her dreams, with his classic shirt having the colour faded from so much use. But why was he here? And why weren’t the others here like last time?

“In your dreams huh?” Kenny’s voice disappeared under a passing breeze as his sombre eyes fell upon the flourishing campfire. It was as if he had read her mind…

“Kenny, are you ok?” she looked up at him with a worried gaze; this was supposed to be a moment of calm, he was sleeping so peacefully before, along with everyone else. She could only wonder if something was wrong. The question only served to make Kenny shut his eye for a brief moment, before opening them and turning to match her gaze.

“Clem… Looking at where we are, right now… What do you want in this exact moment? Be honest with me.” If she were being honest, then it would be to hide under his jacket and enjoy his and AJ’s company as she had done once before. Reliving that dream and the sense of peace it brought… It would be perfect, though it was becoming apparent it would not be so easy to replicate this time around. Kenny sighed and returned to view the flames. “That’s what I’m afraid of Clem. As much as I want to I… I don’t think we can keep goin’ on like this.”

“Huh? What are you saying?” He really could read her mind. It made sense to an extent since he was a figment of her imagination, but even if this was all pretend just like her talks with Lee then he should have nothing to worry about.

“Exactly… I’m just something you dreamed up. Lee over there and myself we’re… we’re just not real. I mean, it was fine for all those years before but now… now there’s a real me, and a real Lee stood outside this gate.” There was no point questioning herself, she might as well say what’s on her mind if he was going to know regardless.

“Outside this gate? Do you mean in the barn where I’m sleeping?”

“Yeah… It feels as if… I don’t exist anymore. It’s like what that boyfriend of yours said with the mirrors. When you did that time jump thing, everything you went through with me and Lee just didn’t happen anymore. There I am, standing in a barn without any of the pain we shared, yet I’m still here…”

“Kenny… please, it doesn’t matter to me if I reversed everything we did, I still just want to be here with you… and AJ… it all happened to me, I felt it all! I won’t ever forget, and-”

“And that’s the problem. It’s just like you said, only one version of us can exist at a time. When you wake up and meet me, are you gonna see me as a stranger or as I am now…?” Clementine could feel her heart pounding against her chest.

“…Kenny? What are you saying?” Her voice was fragile, what he was hinting at terrified her. Maybe she was just exaggerating possibilities in her worried state, but she desperately wanted to act like this conversation never happened.

“What’ I’m sayin’ is… We can’t go on like this because you’ve gotta see me for what I am, and in the real world I’m…” he pulled a pained expression and paused, “…I’m not your guardian, I’m not your family… I don’t even _know_ you. We can’t go on because… It’s no different than what you had to do to your other self.”

Clementine’s heart sank. No… Was her mind about to undo everything? To make her forget years of bonding thanks to another side effect from time travel? Tears welled in her eyes at the thought. There was no way she could just forget… But with how much damage she had physically obtained, there was every chance her mental state was also affected in some way. Her heart was now beating in an uncontrollable frenzy, was he saying goodbye? On behalf of Lee too? “I’m sorry Clementine…”

Her body violently shivered as the icy breeze assaulted her skin. Her cheek was stung by the frozen ground. She was no longer under the protection of the jacket, and her head had fallen from Kenny’s lap, of whom had stood up beside the fire. Looking almost upside down, she could make out Lee approaching the hole in the fence, sparing her a heartbroken glance before exiting the power station. Wait, had she let him just up and leave? That might mean as soon as she wakes up, all of her memories could be wiped… “Wait… no, you can’t just…”

Kenny turned his back to her, taking one last look back, he muttered, “Goodbye, Clementine,” before taking slow steps towards the exit. He was about to walk out of her life too. The fallen snow began absorbing falling tears as she watched two of the most important people in her entire life abandoning her. Everything they had gone through, all the times she watched the man in front break and rebuild himself time and time again, it was all about to be erased. Every step he took brought upon the sick-fuelled state her real body was undergoing. Her aching muscles returned, and she felt genuinely sick from the sight before her. She was being forced into the illness she had so desperately tried to avoid in this dream, and now on top of that she was about to lose everything. This moment was a contender for the most scared she’s ever been. She couldn’t stop them…

Passing the corner of the transformer, Kenny swung around to face the fence, his head dropping down to the hole he had previously taken watch on. Everything fell apart. Before he could take another step, Clementine’s fear took control, as she sprung up onto her feet and sprinted towards him in pure desperation. “No no no no Kenny… KENNY PLEASE!” She flung her arms around his waist, stopping in him his tracks. All she could do was beg and pray she wouldn’t get left alone again. They were both alive again, but forgetting the journey they had all travelled made her feel as if she was losing herself.

“Kenny! Please! Please don’t leave me!” Her voice cracked as she squealed at the top of her lungs. “I beg of you… Please don’t leave… I won’t forget! I promise I won’t _ever_… **_Ever_** forget… Please don’t leave me alone again…” Her voice had drowned beneath the sea of tears flooding down his shirt. She could no longer speak over the intensity of her sobs as she clung on to the man, unwilling to let go of any strength in case he moved for the hole again. As long as she held on, she wouldn’t be abandoned. Her hands were shaking as they clutched his jacket. She was unable to talk through her persistent cries, so her thoughts would have to do the talking. _You can do anything, just don’t leave me alone again… I can’t do this without you… Both of you… Please…_

“Whoa there missy! Goddamn, you musta had one helluva bad dream.”

Her head bolted up. “Kenny!?” Looking down on her was none other than Kenny himself, except his beard was cleanly shaved. Her eyes were locked onto his, but her peripheral vision revealed they were surrounded by red and white painted wood. If she was in the barn, then how long had she been awake? Her thoughts were an incomprehensible mess; if she had woken up, then she might have forgotten everything. Her mind promptly uncovered every memory of the two men all at once. The motel, the train, Howe’s, Wellington… It was all there! Clementine buried her face in his shirt and continued the momentum carried by her tears as the should-be-stranger she latched onto looked down with a look of total shock. “I remember… I remember…” escaped between heavy breaths.

“Uh yeah, you were just wailin’ on about forgetting somethin’ or other… Are you okay there miss? Runnin’ up and screaming for a stranger ain’t the most normal way to wake up, and how do you know my name?”

“She knew my name too.” Lee’s voice had a hint of suspicion as he approached the pair. She couldn’t see his face from the Floridian’s white shirt, but she could tell both of the men were giving concerned glances. “Name’s Lee. And this here’s Clementine, she’s had a… traumatic few days. Go easy on her.”

“No kiddin’… Well, you heard the lady, I’m Kenny,” Clementine tightened her grip of the man at the sound of their names. Her dream had been able to instil this sheer dread in her mind in such a short space of time, and she was beginning to wonder if she hadn’t woken up. For all she knew this could just be another cruel twist to inspire confidence, only to rip it all away once her eyes opened. The idea of forgetting the two might have only been the story of a nightmare, but considering how inexperienced she was with time travel, she believed it to be a very real possibility.

“Dad we’re gonna build a fence! There’s a tractor and everything!” Clementine’s quiet sobs were silenced by an excitable boy who poked his head around the barn door before running off. She caught a sharp breath realising who it was. It was Duck. Her first, and possibly only real friend from the start of the apocalypse. She didn’t know whether to be happy or sad in seeing Kenny’s son so healthy and energetic compared to how she last saw him.

“We better get goin’, or we won’t here the end of it. But uh, Clementine is it? You mind releasing this bear hug you’re givin’ me? It’s nice and all, but soon enough that boy of mine is gonna give me hell for standing around in this barn all day.”

It was as if she was still in the power station, preventing him from leaving. She could hold on for as long as she liked but eventually the day would begin. It was only delaying the inevitable, though being in her dream-induced state only served to draw a comparison between leaving the barn and forgetting everything. There was a moment of silence before her arms tensed and she worked up an ounce of courage to say, “Just promise… promise you won’t leave me again, both of you… please…” as she used the dampened shirt to wipe the tears from her eyes.

“Uh, sure… I promise I won’t leave you.” Kenny’s voice was full of confusion, but it was better than nothing. Lee knelt down beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Clem, I promise I won’t leave you, okay? There’s nothing to worry about.” She turned to face the man whose eyes looked up at her in understanding. He couldn’t have known how scared she was from her dream, but he’d seen enough yesterday to realise how much of a fragile state she was in. His voice was a soothing harmony to her restless mind, his reassurance came to Clem’s relief as she had just witnessed the man abandoning her at the power station. Still, she wasn’t fully convinced if she was awake or not, so she decided to ask the man she could rely on to always be honest with her.

“Lee…? Please don’t think I’m being weird, but… am I awake?” She was worried he wouldn’t take her seriously, but it didn’t take him long to provide confirmation.

“Yes Clem, you’re awake. You woke up screaming Kenny’s name and ran straight into him, going on about us leaving or forgetting you. It was just a bad dream alright? Look, we’ll all talk about it later, but right now we’ve gotta go.”

_So when I felt my body weakening in the dream, that was me waking up? Holy shit… I didn’t even realise. Now I’ve gone and made Kenny suspicious of me and given Lee another reason to be more concerned. Pull yourself together Clementine! Come on, take your deep breathes, nice and easy. In… and out. In… and out. See? You’re fine. You’re fine…_

Psyching herself up, she released her hold from Kenny’s waist. Memories of her dream lingered, and before she knew it, she had grabbed a hold of an arm from each of the men stood next to her. She looked down to the floor, partially embarrassed by her feeble display, and said, “Just until we’re out of the barn, okay?” They exchanged a questionable look, but finding no reason to disagree, Lee, Kenny and Clementine exited the barn and made their way over to Katjaa and Duck.

The sun’s light was a reminder of current times. Stepping out of the shadows allowed the troubled teen to relax, she squinted at the change of lighting, but it confirmed she was well awake. Walking through the door was like a gateway to a new era, she had no idea if the twisted games played by her imagination would lead her down a path impeded with amnesia or one dressed in old scars. The latter would come at the price of inflicting the old wounds upon herself on top of new additions, but at least she knew where she was going. Here her memories were still intact, and the people she clung on to were alive. Breathing a sigh of relief, she eased her grip as she gave them a quiet, “Thank you,” for putting up with her strange request.

“It’s no problem, I’ve had to deal with my boy’s antics for years and it ain’t gettin’ any easier. Your little stunt was a walk in the park compared to the racket he makes.”

“DAAAAAD!”

“See?” Kenny responded to Duck losing patience with a smirk. He looked so different without the beard and being so young. _Wow, he looks so happy_, she thought to herself. _He was the same when it was just me, him and AJ surviving outside the gates of Wellington. That was before I… _The car crash played in her head like a broken CD. The scene of him getting eaten alive repeated on a loop, wracking her with guilt. But now was not the time to mourn him again, if she wasn’t careful, then she might let another of her memories slip out, making her look crazier than she already did. She needed to focus on something else. Regaining Kenny’s trust and loyalty would be crucial in this world, especially now with how mentally and physically weak she currently was, so showing an interest in his family would be a good place to start.

“He seems like a nice kid, what’s his name?” Obviously, she already knew who Duck was, but it wouldn’t do any good to know Kenny’s entire family without even meeting them.

“My boy’s Ken Junior. We call him Duck, though.”

“Dodging, or quacking?” Lee chimed in with a humorous tone.

“Quacking. You’ve only heard a bit of it.” Approaching the hay where Katjaa sat by her bouncy son, Kenny turned to face Lee. “The word is you were on your way to Macon.”

“My family’s from there,” Lee responded in a hopeful matter. How that would soon change…

“Well Macon’s on the way, and personally I’d appreciate the company of a guy who can ‘knock a couple of heads together’ if he has to.”

“I’ll see what the girl would like.”

“Ah! Gotta consult the misses. I understand.” Huh, that exchange was different than last time. If her memory served her correctly, Lee vouched to tag along on her behalf. Maybe because she was older, she was being treated with more respect? Kenny brought his attention back to his family, as he began introducing everyone to each other. “Honey, Duck, this is Lee and Clementine.”

“Oh sweetie are you feeling okay? You don’t look too good.” Katjaa asked the girl she just met with her established motherly tone. Katjaa was nice to just about everyone, and Clementine loved how concerned Katjaa always was with her and the rest of the motel groups wellbeing despite rough circumstances. But now that she mentioned it, the brunette hadn’t thought of the condition she was in this morning. She originally thought she couldn’t have looked worse than yesterday, but after remembering how many times she spewed her guts everywhere she went, the aftermath can’t be too pretty. Other than her appearance, her muscles weren’t aching nearly as bad after a night’s rest, still noticeable but not enough that it hurt. In terms of the pit of misery known as her stomach, she had grown nauseous from her dream which developed some unwanted activity but since then everything’s been under control.

Her mental state was an entirely different story, but if she were to summarise how she felt in one sentence, it would be, “I’m fine, really. Just… tired.”

Kenny looked down and gave her a closer look after noticing his wife’s worried gaze. “Oh, Kat’s right… You mustn’t have gotten a great deal of sleep with that nightmare or whatever it was you had. I don’t know if Hershel would take too kindly to it, but do you wanna go back to bed for a while?”

“No, no, really I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” With all the talk of her tiredness, she began to notice that she was struggling to keep her eyes fully open alongside having a slight headache. Getting some extra sleep wasn’t sounding like a bad deal now, but she couldn’t have people worrying about her all the time. She wanted to show her independence, she had almost singlehandedly raised a child from birth in a world gone mad and she was proud of the woman she became during those years, but right now she wasn’t fooling anybody.

“I don’t know Clem, it might be best if you lay down for-”

“Well, we should get to work.” Lee was interrupted by Shawn who appeared from around the building where he was working on the fence. He began explaining the need for the fortifications, and swiftly recruited Duck as his foreman. As the two walked off, Clementine debated whether she should interfere to prevent the walker attack. It was the right thing to do, but she had quite a while to go before that happened and right now getting some rest was becoming more appealing. The attack could be stopped closer to when it starts.

“Why don’t you sit with me Clementine, we can visit the others soon.”

“Now that’s an offer I can get behind.” Clementine sounded too exhausted in her response, but Katjaa’s offer was one she couldn’t refuse. A chance to sit down to clear her mind and get her bearing sounded fantastic. She took a seat on the partnering stack of hay as Kenny went to work on his truck, shortly followed by Lee who quickly struck up a conversation.

It felt great to get off her feet, which probably wasn’t a good sign for her stamina but regardless it was nice to take in the fresh air and relax. Katjaa introduced herself and the pair discussed various topics, Clementine found it difficult talking about life before the apocalypse since she’d spent most of her life in it, and when it came to her ‘illness’ she told no more than she’d informed Lee the previous day.

The time between conversations gave Clem the chance to think about what would come next. First, they’d leave the farm after an incident she could – hopefully - prevent, then Kenny would offer them a ride into Macon on his truck. Her stomach let out a rumble at the thought, sure enough her body wasn’t prepared for another car journey. She brought a hand to delicately cover the anxious organ as she stared at the blue pickup truck behind Kenny and Lee. At least this time she would have the chance to mentally prepare for another breakdown, there was no way it was being avoided with such a long drive ahead of them. Letting out a heavy sigh, the rest of the day’s events returned to her mind. Before reaching the motor inn they would arrive at the drug store, there she would meet Carley, Doug, Glenn, Larry, and **_Lilly_**.

“…”

_Thump-thump… Thump-thump… Thump-thump…_

Her heart beat to the rhythm of an African drum again after thinking of the name. It was the same as when she looked down upon the man who murdered her precious goofball. Each thump pounded against her ribcage as her headache was slowly becoming worse. **_Lilly_**. The woman who took everything from her, ruined the lives of dozens of Ericson kids, and walked away without a scratch. Every time she heard the woman’s name, she could feel the blood in her brain rioting against her throbbing forehead. Her breathing became irregular as the rage she was unable to release at the time was silently emerging from its cage.

_This time could be different. Yes…_ Clementine’s hand fell upon the handle of the screwdriver hidden in one of her pant's many pockets. _It’s her fault AJ was killed in that forest, it’s her fault Violet was blinded, it’s her fault Sophie and Minerva were ripped from their family and forced into slavery_. Her eyes rapidly snapped to random blades of grass below in quick succession like a camera lens with her focus set on the kill. Her head began to quiver. _She won’t be cutting off anyone’s fingers when I’m done with her, no… How should I do it? Maybe send this screwdriver right into her eyes, and-and then maybe into the back of her throat like she did to James… Or maybe just a **bullet to the throat**-_

“Oh dear Clementine, you’re really not feeling well are you?” The brunette felt a hand gently press against her strained forehead, breaking her from her rage-fuelled thoughts. _Huh? Wha-What?_

“Your temperature’s rising, and you’re looking a little pale. I had a feeling you were acting strange…” Katjaa wasn’t wrong, Clementine got herself so worked up that she was becoming dizzy, and her stomach began production on the solution it was so experienced with that had been halted after her dream.

_…What just happened?_ She needed to calm down, or else she’d take a turn for the worse. She closed her eyes and took a sip from the water bottle stashed away in her jacket. Taking a moment to ease the heat radiating from head to toe, she questioned how the rage was able to take control so easily. _What the hell was that? I couldn’t stop myself, holy shit… It’s like I blacked out for a moment, all because I thought of-_

Clementine stopped herself as the rage began to infect the back of her mind. Darkness was already seeping into her stream of thoughts, but she had luckily caught it in time to hold it back. She was beginning to become scared of her capabilities again. _Whoa, it’s that easy to take control? I need to calm down, fast. This is exactly what Louis said, when he showed me the scar on his cheek. I beat him… Some version of me, no, **I** beat up my own boyfriend because I couldn’t control myself… And it can happen at any time if I’m not careful._

Her expression unintentionally showed elements of fear towards her own instability, as the worried mother next to her gazed upon her in silence, patiently waiting for an explanation. “Clementine?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, I’m… I’m fine.”

“You are most certainly not fine, I can tell.” Katjaa let out a deep breath, as she eyed the truck of which Lee had disappeared from. “Go and have a look in one of the sun visors mirrors. See for yourself.” This would be a welcome distraction and she would finally get some answers on her physical condition.

Making her way over to the truck, she passed Kenny and asked, “Is it open?”

His head was buried beneath the bonnet but brought himself up to see what she was up to. “Yeah, what’s Kat got you doin’ anyway?”

“She wants me to see how I look in the mirror, but to be honest, I think I already know how bad it is.”

“Go ahead, I was serious about you taking a rest earlier. God knows you probably need it…” Kenny returned to his truck as Clementine opened the passenger side door and pulled down the visor. Her generally pale skin came to no surprise, but a black aura dangled beneath a pair of bloodshot eyes like a plague. There was no doubt about it, she looked terrible. It wasn’t the first time she’d taken on this appearance however, and both times were a result of pushing her body to the limit. Once was when her leg was axed and subsequently bitten, and the other was shortly after McCarroll Ranch, where she was awake night and day trying to find food, water and a home for a growing AJ. She was never sure if she fully recovered from the latter, but she was sure the former had a big part to play in this. The recovery process after the bite took nearly a full month, and now it was impossible to make any progress thanks to her time travel troubles.

“…Fuck.” She looked and felt absolutely miserable.

“That’s what I figured.” She could hear Kenny mumble to himself from behind the windshield. “Look Clementine, I wanted to follow up on what me and Lee discussed earlier.”

“About Macon?”

“Yeah, you wanna tag along with us? I don’t know what sorta plans you got in mind or if you’re just travelling with your dad but it looks like you could use some help.”

“Oh he’s not my dad, my parents are… they’re dead.” Kenny stopped working on the truck to give Clementine a sympathetic look after a brief moment of shock. She could only return a tired stare, before he continued in a much darker tone.

“Fuckin’ hell… I’m sorry to hear that Clementine. You been all on your own through this mess?” That was a difficult question to answer… She could say he was by her side for almost 2 years, and that they made for an abnormal parent dynamic when raising a stranger’s baby. Hell, she’d only known Rebecca and Alvin for under a week and ended up raising their boy for many years to come. Not any more though…

“Yeah… My entire family’s gone… Well, maybe apart from my boyfriend, but he’s up in West Virginia. I hope he made it back in one piece…” There she goes again mentioning something suspicious, maybe it would’ve been best to not mention Louis at all, but she couldn’t help her heart aching to know whether he’s safe. Still, saying that he returned somewhere when he’s only ever stayed in the school wasn’t a good idea. Thankfully Kenny didn’t know this, but she was proving to be bad at keeping her past under wraps. In a sense, she could say her family’s not gone because Kenny and Lee are both alive again, but she would be kidding herself if she believed it felt the exact same. They were the same people and she knew this well but taking away the bonds they shared was still painful. Then there was AJ, who was an entirely different story. “…I was surviving alone for a while until Lee found me, thank god.”

_“I’m sorry darlin’, I wish I could’ve found you sooner. But everything’s gonna be fine now.”_

“Wait, what did you say?” ‘Darling?’ It sounded exactly like what he had said when they reunited at the ski lodge…

“I said that maybe if we found you sooner things coulda been different is all, sorry,” he reiterated before sighing. Had she heard him correctly the first time? Or was her mind playing tricks on her again? There was no way he was comfortable enough with her to speak in that manner, they’d just met after all. Clementine would take it as a reminder that the old Kenny she knew and loved was here, just under a fresh start. Even if he hadn’t actually said it, the memory brought a smile to her face. “Sorry, we got a little side-tracked there. You wanna pass through Macon with us?”

“I’d love to. Thanks so much for the offer, me and Lee’ll gladly join you.” In truth, she was thrilled at the opportunity of uniting forces with him and Lee again, and this time she can truly appreciate the friendship they’ll all come to share. That was if all goes well, and the first obstacle was a ride in the truck she was sat in. Whatever she was about to go through didn’t matter, being together as a group was far more important. Her voice was soft as she cherished her old memories, inspiring her to say in a hushed tone, “You’ve got a special family Kenny, I can feel it…”

“You can feel it huh? Funny you should mention that…”

“Hm? What do you mean?”

He paused for a few seconds, looking down into the truck’s engine compartment. His eyes darted from part to part, but eventually he began explaining. “I mean when we were in that barn and you came up to me screaming my name, the hug you gave me for a little while just felt so… _right_. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a goddamn clue how you knew me and you still haven’t given me an explanation, but I don’t know… When you were screaming about forgetting something and me leavin’, I was a little shocked yeah, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop you. Like I said, before Duck brought me to my senses it just felt… _right_. I don’t know what other word to use for it. You were a complete stranger, but…” He fell silent.

Clementine took a moment to process the information she’d just received. _Holy shit, does… does that mean he’s still in there? Does Kenny feel something from before!?_ Her eyes lit up at the prospect and her heart was pumping excitedly. She may have been exaggerating his meaning, but the thought of Kenny or even Lee having their connection to her hanging by a thread instead of completely severed filled her with hope. She reminded herself to not blow her cover, and that it would be best to be patient in figuring this out as to not ruin any chances of rekindling an old spark within them. _Don’t get too excited Clementine, you don’t know if your body can even handle excitement right now, just do your breathing and calm down_. Her efforts were mostly in vain as she couldn’t control her heart that was begging to embrace the man in a hug like they had so often done sat around the campfire outside of Wellington. As much as she wanted to, she would have to earn the right to enjoy such gestures. It wasn’t wise to go jumping into the arms of people you just met after all.

“Anyways, since we’re headin’ on down to Macon, you know any folks there? We could make a stop along the way if you want.” Well, that was one way to calm her enthusiasm. _Oh, I know someone in Macon alright. Yes, her name starts with an ‘L’ and ends with a knife in your-_ Clementine was found stopping herself again. The rage had burst onto the scene at Kenny’s innocent question and was steadily gaining momentum before she locked it away again. Her chest was beginning to feel tight the more she needed contained it. She was experienced enough to know that bottling up your emotions would only aggravate the moment in which they escaped. This was getting worse, she needed to release some of her anger otherwise she could end up verbally or physically abusing the wrong person like she had done to Louis. _Just take a deep breath, don’t let it take control. Nice and easy. Just say you don’t know anyone, and it’ll all be fine. …Fuck, that came on fast._

“Um… No. I do not know anyone in Macon.” She sounded unconvincing with such a robotic reply, but it was the best she was going to manage without spitting bitter words at him. Her body wasn’t calming down as much as she tried. When she believed she was making progress, an image of one of Lilly’s cruel acts ravaged through her breathing meditation. It needed to come out, suppressing the darkness only encouraged a larger shadow to envelope her mind. She needed something, _anything_, to come along before it was too late. But how could she release it with Kenny’s family and Lee around? There was no way she was putting them in danger because she couldn’t control herself. _Fuck, Louis would know what to do… He was an expert at this sort of thing._

“It’s alright, I was just wonderin’-” Kenny was cut off by a tractor engine roaring into action alongside a horrifying scream. Fuck! She was so caught up in talking with Kenny she’d completely forgotten about the danger the two boys were now in.

She dived out of the passenger seat and shouted, “Duck!” before exchanging a nervous glance with Kenny and sprinting off to his son’s direction. She saw Lee standing before the tractor not knowing what to do, as Duck was about to be eaten. Clementine eyed the walker grabbing a hold of his shoulders. Duck… her only friend in the past was in danger because of her_. If I hadn’t been so fucking ignorant and thought about a scared little boy instead of myself this never would’ve happened_. Stopping to look at the walker for half a second, she felt the rage truly thawing from its temporary slumber. Her chest was almost cramping, begging for her to rid her body of the anger she was holding back. If there was any time to unleash it, now was the time. This was her chance. She invited it in; she was the host of the party now.

Her heart welcomed the fiery spirit, as she could hear sudden thuds materialising beneath her ribs that urged her to take action. Allowing herself to embrace her darker side felt good, almost natural. She equipped the screwdriver that she’d envisioned Lilly’s head on in a clenched fist, as she sprinted towards the fence. “Get the fuck AWAY FROM HIM!”

Jumping the fence, she charged into the walker sending it backwards, before swiftly grabbing it by the neck and throwing it to the floor. She felt so powerful… Like she hadn’t spent the last two days barely being able to walk. The Clementine of old was awake now, and there was no stopping her oncoming fury. The walker was pinned to the floor, her legs placed to each side of its chest as she held it down with her left arm and brought the screwdriver to the sky. The sunlight reflected off the cold metal, providing it with a source of burning heat, as Clementine slammed it to the ground, piercing the walker’s skull. She was rewarded with the dark crimson blood filling her palm’s creases. The pouring liquid felt like a warm bath to her dry skin, and it was a feeling she wanted more of. She inhaled sharply and brought the screwdriver out for another round. Blood dripped beneath her eyes as she pulled it above her head and sent the tool crashing into the corroded skin once again. Her mind was set ablaze, being able to release the anger that had built up from AJ’s death was immensely satisfying. She couldn’t stop. The walker had been dead from the first strike, but she found herself piercing its skull again. And again. And _again_.

The idea had been to let the rage out of her system, but instead it was thriving in the hostile environment. Finding herself at a loss of breath, she channelled all of the swelling anger into one last strike and let out a deathly roar as the walker’s head crumbled from the force. Its skull had become one with the ground, and upon seeing her success did she feel a breeze of relief flutter through her mind. The rage had retreated, and by taking a deep breath did she feel a strange sense of peace.

“Clementine! Help!” But she wasn’t finished. Lee called out from behind the fence where he attempted to pull Shawn from beneath the tractor. She was brought back to her rational senses. She had been solely focused on Duck and her rampage that she payed no attention to the second victim of the farm attack. _Oh fuck…_

She made a beeline for the two walkers who were only stopped by the flimsy wooden boards. But as she reached the first one, the two walkers broke through. The screwdriver was guided into the first walker’s head, its corpse tumbling down next to the man, though she wasn’t quick enough as the second walker’s jaw encased Shawn’s neck before taking a deep bite. “AAGGGGHHH!” The walker dropped to the floor with a hole in the back of its head, but not before it could take a chunk out of Hershel’s son.

The groans of walkers were replaced with an eerie silence, the only sound to be heard was the footsteps of Hershel rushing towards his son, rifle in his hands. Kenny lagged behind with the rest of his family, just like last time he must’ve run off with Duck. Seeing the bite on his neck, Hershel dropped his gun and knelt beside his injured son.

“I’m ok pop… I’m ok…” Clementine was stunned Shawn was still able to speak, previously, he died before he got to say goodbye. He was bitten, even if he bled out in a few minutes or if his dad could miraculously stitch him up, either way he was a dead man. And this time she was directly responsible. She could’ve saved the life of a kind farm boy in this new world, but instead she was haunted by her past. Shawn was by no means an important figure in her life, but it didn’t stop her from feeling guilty that she could’ve done more.

“I can fix you, don’t worry, we’ll stitch you up.”

“It almost… it almost got me, man. If it weren’t for Clementine, I’d be dead meat.” The irony of the statement made her blood run cold. Of course, nobody knew that a bite was lethal yet and now the boy in front of her was being grateful despite her failure. With her knowledge, the right thing to do would be to end it quickly with a bullet through the brain, but she highly doubted Hershel would be willing to believe anything she says right now.

“I know, son.”

“I…” Shawn brought a hand to the bite, attempting to stop the blood gushing onto the grass. His breathing became a series of shallow wheezes as Hershel looked down on his son in horror.

“Get out… Get the fuck out of here!” Hershel’s demands were directed at Kenny, as his eyes were shooting daggers at the man who prioritised Duck’s safety of Shawn’s. Kenny’s face was drenched in guilt as he saw the results of his actions.

“I’m sorry…”

“Sorry? Your son is fine. You don’t get to be sorry!” He turned away from Kenny and towards Clementine, who was still on the other side of the fence. “Thank you for helping him, at least you tried unlike this piece of shit who left him to die!” He had a right to be pissed, but Clementine thought it wasn’t fair to blame Kenny. It was her fault she didn’t act quick enough; he had his son to worry about while she wasted time bashing the brains out of a lifeless corpse.

“No, you can’t blame him, I… I could’ve done more. It’s my fault.”

“The hell I can’t. Maybe if he wasn’t such a pansy and tried helping this never would’ve happened! Watch out girl… Just you wait, when it’s you who needs his help don’t expect any favours.” She saw Kenny out of the corner of her eye staring at his shoes, Hershel’s words must’ve hurt him the first time, but this was even worse than she remembered. “Please, just go. Get out and never come back.” He showed the group his back as he bent down to inspect Shawn’s injury.

Hopping over the fence, Clementine joined Lee next to the family. Nobody said a word, as Kenny looked as if he was internally debating something. His eyes flickered to Lee, where there was no change in his expression. Looking down towards Clementine, his eyes were fixed on her right hand that was still clutching the screwdriver and was submerged in a layer of dark blood. He took a quick glance at Duck before returning to her hand again, and eventually met her amber eyes while scanning the blood scattered across her face.

“You’ve got that ride to Macon if you want it.” Katjaa and Duck followed Kenny who was making his way towards the truck. Lee stood next to the tractor, no doubt feeling disappointed in himself for what happened to Shawn.

She tugged his sleeve with her relatively clean hand and directed him towards the truck with a simple, “Come on.” He took a glance over his shoulder at Shawn who was still alive and trapped under the tractor’s wheel, before they made their way over to the family waiting for them.

“Do you want to sit in the front sweetie?” Katjaa offered a hand to Clementine while opening the passenger side door. Her voice was delicate, she was still concerned about the brunette’s health and with walker blood contrasting her pale skin, Clementine probably looked like a monster out of a horror movie. She could only refuse the offer; she had already made up her mind where she’d be sitting.

“I’m fine thanks, I’d much rather sit out in the back if that’s alright.”

“It’s okay dear, I won’t mind if the seat gets stained from the blood, it’s dirty enough as it is.”

“No, I just don’t want to cause a different stain,” she said, bringing her bloody arm over her stomach.

“It’s probably for the best,” Lee supported. Katjaa wasn’t aware of how poorly she reacted to car rides, but Lee had a front row seat during the last one. “You want me to sit out with you?”

“Nah it’s fine, besides, I think I’d rather be alone for this.” Clementine was embarrassed enough from her vomit sessions, the least she needed was Lee’s sympathetic eyes looking at her mess the whole way. Climbing into the cargo bed, the starting engine caused the car to rumble, already making her feel queasy. This was going to be another long ride.

The truck was slowly building up speed as the group of five exited the farm and were on their way to Macon. _Another fun day huh Clementine? Hey, you managed to kill three walkers today, that’s more than you’ve killed for the entirety of last month. Not bad. Ugh… the burning’s already started, enjoy these last moments of peace while you can…_ She applied more pressure to the hand covering her stomach as she braced herself. Her head dropped back against the rear windscreen and closed her eyes. _Okay, any second now, you’ll be fine. It’s not like you’ve added your own blood to the mix, no, this’ll be absolutely fine. It’s not like you’ll be in total agony… for the next few hours… crying out in extreme pain, yeah, this’ll be absolutely positively… Oh fuck it. Is it too late to get off this thing? I don’t care if it takes us days to get there, it hurts so much I’ve got to get off! Fuck the drug store, Lilly can-_

Mentioning the name, a spear of lava erupted from inside, sending her eyes flying open as she hurled herself over the rear end of the truck in a panic. Her head dangled above the ground. _At least you won’t ruin Kenny’s truck like you did to Shawn’s eheh… Here it comes… Agh fuck!_

“…”

Next stop, Everett’s Prescription’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor old Clementine hey? She hasn't even got half way through the day and she's still got the drug store to deal with, she's going to have a wonderful time going head-to-head with Larry. Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, my thanks goes out to everyone leaving Kudos or subscribing, it's really appreciated.


	6. I'm A Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Larry. Drama arises in the drug store, and Clementine feels awful over her recent actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been keeping these chapters coming at a nice schedule so far, but I'm not sure if I'll be so consistent with work starting soon. Anyways, hope yous enjoy

_Tck, Tck, Tck… Tck._

“Well, this is as far as we’re goin’.”

“Then it’s far enough.”

The sound of doors slamming could be heard from both sides of the truck as the group, bar one member, stepped into the rundown streets of downtown Macon.

“Lee? Is uh, Clementine ready to go? She hasn’t moved since we stopped.”

“I don’t know, I’ll go check. Hey Clem? We’re travelling by foot from here on, are you… Oh shit.”

Clementine wasn’t aware of who was talking. She lay slumped over a corner of the cargo bed with an arm over the front, and arm over the side, and her head falling next to the truck’s rear-left indicator. Her eyes were dry, it felt like she hadn’t blinked in hours but from her limp position could she make out splashes from a miniature trail of vomit that had been following the truck, with the unforgiving fluid still dripping from the desert that was her mouth. She didn’t have the energy to think as for the past few blocks, she had been stuck to this position like a puppet without strings, utterly motionless.

“Jesus Clem! Are you alright? Do you need a hand getting up?” That was definitely Lee. Her initial reaction was to assure him that she could handle herself, but her parched throat was inclined to disagree. She was severely dehydrated, causing her continual headache to up the pressure by the minute. Rotating her head to see the worried man, all the she could manage to say through a rusty voice was, “Water… Inside left pocket… Please…”

“Are-Are you sure?” Lee wasn’t thrilled at the idea of rummaging through a teenage girl’s clothes, especially while she was still wearing them, but she couldn’t care less about morals as having a drink right now felt like the difference between life and death.

“_Please_…” She begged for the water as the slowly dripping vomit sucked any remaining moisture out of her mouth with every drop. A hand pushed against her collarbone creating some room for the bottle to be retrieved, and upon Lee placing it in her right hand did she begin drinking it all in one go.

She heard footsteps moving in her direction during this, where she heard a faint, “Fuckin’ hell…” before emptying the bottle. The desert had grown a blooming oasis, where she could feel her body return to life after receiving some much-needed hydration. The headache almost fully died down after some time had passed, and by pushing herself upwards she found both Lee and Kenny staring at her in complete shock. Their eyes in unison darted up the trail of sick she’d left behind that stemmed from the last corner they’d turned up the street and back to her.

Lee scratched the back of his neck. “Well… Uh, at least there’s no blood in… all of that.” She could only appreciate his attempt to lighten the mood instead of giving her endless sympathy. Unfortunately, his observation was inaccurate.

“Blood? Yeah, I ran out of that a few blocks back. Trust me, I know the pain in my stomach well enough by now to know I lost some blood on that trip.” She attempted to have humorous intent in her words, but with her voice not recovering as quickly as her wit, it made it seem like the truck was her death bed.

“Yeah no kiddin’. You look like you haven’t seen the sun in years…” She wasn’t sure if Kenny was trying to be funny, but it looked like the situation finally dawned on him as his head jolted round to Lee. “Wait, she’s coughing up blood?”

“I’m not sure if ‘coughing’ is the right word, but yeah from what I’ve been told, and seen myself apparently, she’s been having these ‘sessions’ quite often. She had one just after saving me when we first met, and uh… there was a bit of blood in it. I told you she wasn’t doing too good.”

“Well now I know first-hand… Look Clementine, are you uh… good to move? All of us shouldn’t really be standin’ around in the open.” He was right, danger could be lurking around every corner and here she was holding the group back. Not wanting to be any more of a burden, she moved to the side of the truck ready to jump down. Thanks to her last attempt at jumping ending so poorly, she extended her arms and asked Lee for help. With his assistance, she wrapped her arms around him and gripped tightly as she was lowered to the ground. The brunette held on to her grip when touching the floor, patiently waiting for strength to return in her legs. It occurred to her that she must have used a significant amount of her body’s small capacity of energy in her fit of rage back on Hershel’s farm and that combined with the car ride left her in a feeble state.

“Clem? You can let go now.”

“Sorry! Sorry…” Letting go, she took moment to balance herself before the three made their way over to Katjaa and Duck, where the group set out towards the drug store. Clementine’s hand covered her abdomen almost out of habit, as every step she took could she feel herself becoming a little more stable. _Well, it’s good to know I’ve still got some energy in the tank… That motor inn can’t come sooner enough._

Passing a dozen broken cars and scattered wooden planks, they arrived at the main street with the drug store on the corner. Straining her eyes, she could make out ‘Everett’s Prescriptions’ written in red text on a yellow banner, wondering how she never concluded the place belonged to Lee’s parents as a kid. Amidst her daydreaming, she hadn’t noticed Duck wander into the centre of the street, and Kenny calling out to a walker behind a broken car. “Fuck!”

Her survival instincts suddenly burst to life at the scream. Walkers appeared from around street corners, inside cars, and from under fallen lorries from all directions. _Think Clementine, you’ve been here before! Quickly, what happens? Carley and Glenn open the door and start shooting, where we all run inside… Okay, and they start shooting because of… Duck!_ Her thoughts were rapid, and upon remembering the boy was in danger, she swung her body in his direction and saw the silent walker a few steps away from him. Adrenaline coursed through her, as she gripped the blood drenched screwdriver and re-enacted the scene from Hershel’s farm, only without any time for rage to flourish.

“Get away from him!” Her legs felt empowered compared to a few moments ago as Duck turned around to see the walker aiming to grab his hand. The boy stumbled backwards onto the ground screaming for help as Clementine dusted off an old technique. She sent her boot into the side of the walker’s right knee, making it drop in the same direction where she swiftly bent down to finish the job. Turning her attention to Duck who was staring back in shock, she softly asked with a warm smile, “You okay, Duck?” before multiple shots distracted her. Carley and Glenn had rushed onto the street, urging everyone to get inside the building. Taking Duck’s hand, she pulled him from the ground and kept a tight grip as she sprinted for the door, ushering a, “Come on!” to the group lagging behind.

With the gate locked, Clementine knelt down and quickly scanned Duck for any bumps or scratches as she would do to AJ after a close call. After performing the check, she wondered why she got so riled up whenever he was in any danger. He was her former friend, but by the way he acted alone, a small part of her believed she was staring at her adopted son again. Before the time came when it was necessary for AJ to learn how to fight, the two boys acted almost identical to each other. It was like Kenny once said, all Duck wanted was for people to be happy. Sitting around the campfire outside the gates of Wellington, nothing made AJ happier than when the makeshift family of three had finished the day’s duties so they could spend time with each other. Whether it was playing games or just enjoying the company of his parent-figures, even though he was unable able to speak, Clementine knew AJ made everyone feel better. The resemblance automatically caused Clementine’s motherly instincts to make protecting a child like him top priority, even if she didn’t notice it herself.

Seeing Kenny and Katjaa appear through the door, she didn’t stop Duck from running past her to meet his parents before giving both of them a hug. Seeing them all safe and sound was enough to make Clem satisfied, but the look she received from the boy’s father caused a gentle warmth to overwhelm her heart. It was a silent, “Thank you,” one that was filled with pride. How she’d longed to receive that look again… It was always the same. Whenever she protected AJ or simply completed a difficult task, he would always look at her with the same smile and glint in his eyes that made any trouble she went through worth it. It brought such a sense of accomplishment; he was the only one that truly respected her even though she was only a child at the time. It made her feel grown up, valued even. Just earning that look again... Clementine was becoming excited that she was gaining his trust again so soon and silently hoped she would receive the reward many more times in the future. Sadly, this brief moment of encouragement was short lived.

Lee walked up to her asking if she was fine, and upon giving him a, “Yeah,” Clementine began observing her surroundings and that’s when she heard it.

“We can’t take risks like this!” Clementine thought she was hearing things. The voice sounded awfully familiar…

“And we can’t just let people die, either.” That was Carley, Clementine’s mind was running rampant trying to identify the voice. _Who was at the drug store again? There was Carley and Glenn who just saved us, Doug’s on watch by the door, then there was Larry and-_

“When I say, ‘That door stays shut no matter what,’ I fucking mean it.”

It was as if the words slammed against a gong inside her head with the blast continually ringing when she identified the familiar voice. Of course it was her, she tried to stop Carley from saving the group the last time too, and who is in the habit of letting kids die? Lilly.

Clementine was staring at the floor in front of Kenny’s family where she didn’t move a muscle as the argument continued. It was definitely her. Clem was in the same room as the one who almost destroyed Ericsons and its community of peaceful kids and sent the order that got her son brutally murdered. Eyes widening at the revelation, she stood up as her thoughts were falling into a state of war.

She could feel the uncontrollable rage stemming from the back of her mind as it emerged from its short retreat. Letting it take control was something she desperately wanted to avoid after Hershel’s farm, so she promptly began her breathing exercises to sooth her ever increasing heartrate. The heavy thumps from her ribcage disrupted her methodical breathing; the more the argument around her progressed, the more she could hear Lilly’s voice. All of the lies, all of the manipulation she put the Ericson kids through, and finally, all of the friends who were lost. It all came rushing back. She could feel the veins around her forehead thundering against her skin. Her rate of breathing had increased to match the rhythm of her heartbeat as they harmonised in the desire to kill. The insanity was gaining ground with no sign of stopping. She was becoming lightheaded, and was unintentionally allowing herself to be consumed by the darkness before a shred of her diminishing rational thoughts picked up on the fact that her hand was clutching the screwdriver hidden in her back pocket without even realising she’d moved for it. This brought a temporary spark of dread as she knew acting now was the only way to prevent a disaster. She couldn’t hold herself back forever; it was bad enough just thinking about Lilly, let alone being in the same room as her. Knowing what she was capable of, allowing herself to be consumed by anger was something she wanted to avoid at all costs, especially with people she cared about so close.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck whatdoIdo? If I hear her voice one more time it’s over, I’ll be putting Lee and Kenny in danger, thinkthinkthinkthink quick you need a distraction, anything! Something to get my mind off it… _She was losing the spark, as her thoughts descended into madness._ Off it… off it… or, or… I could… she’s right there. Right there. All it would take is one second, the others wouldn’t mind, right? I can kill- No! Shit, shit I’ve gotta do something, come on…_ If on que, she could feel a hand planted on her shoulder. She drew the screwdriver and jumped around on the spot to face Lee with steam emitting from her ears. She looked as if she was ready to pounce on her target just as she had done to the walker attacking Duck, and Lee could see all of the fearsome rage in her eyes as he took half a step back. “…Clem?”

“Those things outside don’t care!” Clementine couldn’t care less about the context of the argument; her attention was brought to the person speaking. Her entire body tensed; her neck creaked to the pitch of an old door hinge as she slowly turned to face the source of her life-changing misery. Then, during the middle of the war raging in her mind, she stepped on a landmine. Seeing the scowl on Lilly’s face caused a barrage of fire sent straight from Hell to break her composure. She stood still, eyeing up her prey, where her scalded mind gave off several murder-induced commands simultaneously. _I’m going to kill her._ The image of AJ’s lifeless corpse flashed before her eyes. _I’m going to fucking kill her!_

“Clementine?”

“What!?” She turned to take a predatory stance towards Lee again whose face was covered in concern and fear. The screwdriver was shaking in her unstable arm. Just seeing him look down on her as if she was a rabid animal was enough to make even her rage slightly falter at the sudden oncoming guilt. _Oh fuck, what just happened…? I almost lost control again. No… I **did** lose control, just look at him. Is he scared… of me? I almost attacked him twice just now, didn’t I? After everything he’s done for me… I…_ The anger that forced itself across her face morphed into the overpowering guilt as she stared into his eyes in silence while her mouth hung open.

“Clem… you look dizzy again, alright? You’ve been stumbling and swaying on the spot for a while now, I’m just keeping an eye on you like you asked,” he held his hands up in an attempt to calm her down before continuing with, “If you’re feeling sick again, there’s a restroom in the corner over there, see? I don’t know how fast it comes on, but if you need a place to take care of business don’t hesitate. I know how bad it is.” Clementine didn’t know whether Lee believed she was actually sick or was just bailing her out, but this was a golden opportunity she couldn’t pass on. In truth, he was correct in that she had made herself dizzy; only after the guilt saved her did she notice the uneasiness of her stomach. It was containable, but she would still enter the restroom if only to calm her rage.

“Oh, uh, th-thanks…” She was almost about to cry for what she did to Lee. Pocketing the screwdriver in shame, she returned her still blood-stained arm over her stomach. With a face full of sorrow, she spared Kenny and his family no glances when she passed them and approached the restroom door. The argument had broken up since she screamed at Lee and she could feel a room full of eyes watching her every move. Nobody said a word, before Larry decided to formally introduce himself.

“Ho-ly shit… Son of a bitch, one of them is bitten!”

_Even when Duck’s not covered in dirt this asshole thinks he’s bitten_, she thought to herself continuing her slow pace.

“We have to end this now.” Clementine thought nothing of it as Lee and Kenny handled it the last time, but it wasn’t until she heard heavy footsteps approaching from behind did she realise who Larry was talking about. She looked over her shoulder to see 300 pounds of pure terror charging in her direction. _Wait, he thinks **I’m** the one who’s bitten?!_

“You’re not laying a fuckin’ finger on her.” The voice was deep and full of spite. Lee appeared from the shadows and asserted himself before Larry, stopping him in his tracks. After almost attacking him twice, she didn’t expect him to come rushing to her aid so soon. She felt truly undeserving of his help but swivelled herself round to see the scene play out in front of her in case Lee ended up getting hurt. It was the least she could do.

“Don’t try to stop me, Everett. You really think you can? All alone? Ha.” Larry was smug in referring to the obvious weight difference. Lee caught on to his surname being mentioned, as he narrowed his eyes and clenched a fist. Clementine noticed movement coming from the same area Lee first appeared from.

“He’s not alone.” The voice was gritty as a second body barricaded her from Larry. “You enjoy beating sick kids, do you?” It was Kenny. The irony of the situation baffled her. She was supposed to be a hardened survivor, but somehow her actions outside lead to her taking Duck’s place and now Kenny and Lee were both sticking up for her. _Why? I almost hurt Lee, and Kenny barely knows me… So, why?_

“Don’t you fucking people get it!? We’ve already seen this happen. We let someone with a bite stay and-and _we_ all end up bitten!”

“She _wasn’t_ bitten!” Lee was looking absolutely furious.

“We gotta throw her out! Or smash her head in!”

“Can you believe this shit, Kenny? What are we doing about this guy?”

Before Kenny could respond, Lilly tried calming her dad from the side-lines. Clementine winced as hearing her voice again caused a violent sting to shoot up the back of her mind. The rage from only a minute ago decided it wasn’t finished, and she felt her heart supplying the veins in her head with boiling blood_. No… I can’t let this happen again. Just try doing your breathing, even if it doesn’t work, you have to try. Kenny and Lee are putting themselves in danger for you, you can’t afford to fuck this up. Come on, just in… and out. In… and out…_ To her great relief, the breathing had stopped her fury from advancing, but she had to be careful to keep it down. After Lilly seemingly made no progress, Kenny broke his silence.

“We’re gonna kick his ass!”

“That’s exactly what I had in mind.” The two crossed their arms in sync, ready for a fight.

“Everyone chill the fuck out!” Carley was running out of patience herself, but this outburst only aggravated Larry.

“Nobody is doing _anything_.” The rage poked a hole through her breathing’s defence upon hearing Lilly’s attempt to defuse the situation. _Just ignore it Clementine, just ignore it…_ She shut her eyes and concentrated on the air entering her lungs. Little did Kenny and Lee know that they were defending a ticking time bomb at this point.

“Shut up, Lilly! And _you_,” Larry turned back around to Carley, “Shut the fuck up. They will find us and they will get in here, and none of this will fucking matter.” Turning back round, Larry leaned in towards Lee as he continued with, “But right now we’re about to be trapped in here with one of those things.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?”

“She’s bitten. That’s how you turn!” Hearing the news, Clementine could see the tension in Lee’s arms loosen as he glanced over his shoulder with a shocked expression. Kenny looked unphased, but she couldn’t help but worry that Lee might believe she had been bitten at some point. They’d only known each other a day, and she’d told him that her sickness only developed the night before, it was the perfect example for someone who might be dying from the infection. “Oh, you look like you’ve got something to say now, don’t you? Out with it. The sooner you admit she’s bitten, the sooner I’m tossin’ her out.”

Ignoring Larry, Lee looked down at her with a sympathetic gaze as he gently said, “Clem, your dad… You mentioned he was…”

This earned a similar look from Kenny, who understood what he meant immediately. She’d shared her family’s fate with him on Hershel’s farm, so it came to no surprise, but this was no time to be dwelling on the past. She gave a quick nod before saying, “Yeah, that’s how my dad died… and probably my mom too, but this isn’t the time for all that Lee.”

“How is it the bite victim’s the only one that sees what’s going on?” Larry was oddly impressed.

“For the last time, she wasn’t bitten!”

“Then prove it! Where is it girly? A shoulder? An arm? A leg?” Clementine’s eyes went wide as the memory of her leg getting bitten replayed in her head at Larry’s accusation. “Jackpot.”

“Who wouldn’t be scared of a towering hunk of meat like you, old man!” Kenny was quick in defending her reaction. She’d checked her leg for the bite mark or even a scar of it in the bathroom of her house and didn’t find one, but she was becoming paranoid that her checks weren’t thorough enough or if it somehow reappeared due to another sick twist in her time travel experience.

“Just look at her! Compare her to those things out there and you couldn’t tell the difference!” Larry was using her ill appearance to his advantage; it was why he accused her of being bitten in the first place.

“Shut. Up!” Lee barked back.

“Roll up the pants. Hm, let’s see…” He scanned her legs and upon his eyes landing on her odd pair of shoes, predominantly the out of place running shoe, a grin formed on his lips. “Bingo. You,” he stared down Kenny, “Roll up the pants so she can’t hide anything. I want Lee here to see this.” Larry’s voice was full of poison, and Kenny was having none of it.

“What don’t you fuckin’ understand? When we say she ain’t bit, we mean she ain’t bit, so back the hell-”

“Kenny.” The man in question turned to face her with the same anger he’d faced Larry with, but it fell to surprise as he was given a look of total seriousness. This was her chance to dissolve the conflict, she just had to hope that her checks within the bathroom were successful. Thankfully Lilly hadn’t spoken in a while, but she was beginning to feel the rage take a liking to Larry. It made itself known as a subtle heatwave passed through her body with it being eager to spread to a new target. With the clock ticking on her sanity, it was the only option she had. “It’s fine. You’ve got nothing to worry about, I’m not going to make it weird, okay? We get this done; we prove I’m not bitten. Sound good?”

“Clementine, you… you sure you wanna go through with this?”

Her reply was stern. “Yes. Let’s do it.” Larry was delighted at her compliance.

“The girl’s just agreed to her death, she’s got more balls than both of you combined!”

“Just shut the fuck up already…” Kenny lost his enthusiasm as he gave Clementine a look to confirm if she was alright with it. She was somewhat grateful Larry suggested that Kenny do it instead of himself, otherwise she’d reject his command no hesitation. When it came to the men shielding her, she could put every faith in them to make the best of a bad scenario.

“It’s okay, I trust you. Go for it.” At the confirmation, Kenny knelt beside her, clearly uncomfortable. Placing his hands on the fold of her pants above the shoe, Clementine was silent but could feel the nerves of self-doubt arise the longer she waited for an answer. He paused for a second and sighed before rolling it up to her knee. Hastily checking the leg from a few angles, he stood back up with eyes shooting daggers at Larry.

“Not a scratch! What do you think about that?” Out of everyone, the news was most relieving to the supposed bite-victim mostly because her body not trying to find away to make matters worse was a breath of fresh air.

“It’s Larry. And I’m fucking sorry. Now, check the other, can’t be too careful.” This enraged Kenny who didn’t want to have to do that again and had lost all patience with Lilly’s dad.

“Oh, why don’t you just strip her fuckin’ naked while you’re at it! Might as well check everywhere right!? You’re not goin’ anywhere near her or my son you creepy old bastard.”

“Fuck this.” Clementine had enough, after all that trouble they’d made no progress, so all she wanted was to escape the room before another argument was bound to escalate. She couldn’t risk listening to Larry any longer, otherwise her rage that was seconds away from thriving again would do the talking. Making her way to the door, turning the knob revealed it to be locked. _Great, all that work for a fucking locked door. Just fucking great. Where were the keys last time? Behind the counter. Someone else can get them for me._ She looked past her guardians to see Katjaa and Duck stood awkwardly off to the side. They’ll do. “Hey, Katjaa. Could you grab the keys for the restroom? They’re behind the counter.”

“Huh? Oh, yes of course, dear. Right away.” Katjaa was thrown off by her sudden involvement but noticed the brunette’s serious intent and made way for the counter, taking Duck along holding his hand.

“How do you know that’s where the keys were?” Carley shot the girl a suspicious glare as she put a hand on her hips. Clementine was in no mood to be answering pointless questions such as this.

“I just know, don’t I?” She replied in a sarcastic tone. Her patience was running thin, Kenny, Lee and Larry were arguing amongst themselves again and she was starting to agree with the anger she was trying to dismiss. Katjaa appeared from behind Larry but stopped when she couldn’t make it past him. Not wanting to waste more time, Clementine ordered her to throw the keys, where she proceeded to open the lock. _Finally, something goes right in this goddamn drug store. Tell you what whatever the fuck’s in my head, let’s make a deal. Anything, or anyone that doesn’t leave me be in that restroom, you can do whatever you want. I wonder if that jackass will be able to keep his mouth shut for two minutes, or else I’m not holding myself back. Wow, I really need some time to cool off huh…_

Turning the doorknob with a click, she welcomed the peace and quiet the restroom could offer, but not before one more obstacle blocked her path. A walker burst through the door, pinning her against the shelves on the left before she had time to react.

“Jesus!” Larry’s yell caught the attention of her guardians who turned around in horror.

“Clementine!” Lee screamed, already taking a step forward to take on the walker.

Noticing this in her peripheral vision, she used the walker’s momentum to her advantage as she flung herself round to trade places with it and slammed its head into the shelf behind, leaving a shallow dent in its skull. A deal’s a deal. Just like the walkers on the farm, this was a chance to release her restraints. Her patience had reached its limit from the corpse blocking her desired alone time, so she was more than happy to grant the rage gnawing its way through her mind time to play. “Back off. _He’s mine_.”

Almost ripping the collar off the walker’s t-shirt, she held the rotting body up with her left arm and sent a right fist soaring into its face. Its head crashed into the shelf, deepening the skull’s dent as the walker fell downwards from the impact. Before it could reach the floor, Clementine grabbed its collar again, bringing it back up and growled, “_I’m not done with you yet_,” before blasting it against the shelf once more. The metal surface reflected the dark blood it sustained, and the walker’s face was deformed from only two punches. Regardless of whether it was still alive, she craved more. Each punch was fuelled by the pain she’d suffered over the last decade, and being able to personally destroy those that caused it felt somewhat therapeutic. But what she thought was a remedial experience only served to enable a psychotic nature. The rage was blooming, was she enjoying this? She stood the walker up again and prepared an explosive fist as her words wanted a piece of the action too. Repeating the same technique, she hit the walker again. “_Just leave…_” and again. “…_Me_…” and again. “…_The fuck_…” and again. “…_ALONE!_” and with the final blow, her fingers felt the stabbing of the shelf, as it eventually created a clean cut through the walker’s skull like an axe through a tree. Standing over the grim sight she’d made, her head spun around to the group where she shouted, “_All of you!_” primarily looking at Larry. Her eyes slammed shut in reaction to meeting Lilly’s gaze, as she entered the restroom with the door closing to a blast that rang around the drug store.

Hearing the screams and shouts, the sounds of chaotic thumps surrounded the store as walkers tried to break in. Clementine brushed off the danger the rest of the group would be hiding from and made her way to the empty cubicles. Gunshots from an unknown source distracted the agitated walkers, and upon finally reaching a quiet place, Clementine closed the lid of one of the toilets and sat down, burying her hands in her face. _What the hell is happening to me?_ she thought to herself after unleashing her darker side twice in one day. She had an excuse for her weakened state with taking such a giant leap back in time, but this was something else entirely.

_I’m losing it. I tried so, **so** hard to hold myself back just now, but I just couldn’t do it. I ended up almost hurting Lee and went way too far with killing that walker. Not only here, but back at Hershel’s too, where that boy Shawn is dead because of me… You’re broken and you know it._ She knew exactly where her problems began_. It happened back when AJ was shot too. My heart just shattered, and now that I’m back here I don’t know how I feel. I have a second chance now, I can give him a better life, so why can’t I hold it together? Since he died there’s been a… there’s been something in my head… or maybe it’s always been there, just not as strong. I’m being sick everywhere, I can’t control myself anymore… What the fuck do I do?_ She could feel the skin on her hands becoming wet as all the consequences of time travel were beginning to sink in. She didn’t want to cry, she just wanted to be herself and show Lee the woman she’d grown up to be, even if it didn’t mean anything to this version of himself. But the realisation of how much AJ’s death affected her and the danger she was putting her loved ones in was soul crushing. _Lilly’s going to be with us for months… I couldn’t control myself now, so how am I ever going to in the future? What if… what if I actually hurt Lee one day? Or Kenny? Or even Katjaa and Duck? I can’t…_

She sat in silence whimpering to herself, she didn’t make any effort to stop the tears mixing with the blood on her hands. She had lost all faith in herself and had no clue to how the other’s reacted to her outburst. _What if they think I’m crazy…? I wouldn’t blame them… I can feel it taking control every single time, and I end up turning into a monster… some-some animal! I’m a monster, there’s nothing more to it. Why does this keep happening to me… My dream might’ve been right after all, what if Lee and Kenny are scared and end up abandoning me? They both promised to never leave, but that was only so I’d stop crying in the barn, and they hadn’t even seen what I was capable of back then… I… I don’t belong here. I come from a completely different world. These are good people… people who are better than me. I’m a danger to all of them… Maybe, maybe it would be best if I-_

“-ell then, where’s the other one?”

“Dude, you don’t carry around a single talkie-thingy, it’s gotta be around here somewhere.”

“I picked it up at Clementine’s house, so if I have this one, then she must have the other.”

“…”

“Oh shit.”

“…”

“Dude, take your finger off the button!”

“Huh? Oh-”

Her inner struggle was interrupted by quiet voices and radio interference. Lee, Kenny and… Glenn? While she was sat sobbing to herself, they were figuring out a plan, meaning Glenn was about to head for the motor inn to find gas. She reached for the radio tucked away inside a jacket pocket and debated whether to respond. Glenn would need the radio to be able to contact Lee for help, it was no good staying with her. As she thought about replying, someone beat her to it.

“Clem?” It was Lee. She didn’t want anyone seeing the state she was in, but the radio was more important right now than her feelings.

She placed a thumb on the button and gave a reluctant, “…Yeah?”

“So uh, we need that radio so we can send Glenn off on a mission, you don’t mind if I come and get it do you?” She was fine with them taking it, just not whilst she sat in misery on a toilet seat.

“No! I mean, yes… Sorry, I’ll come out to you, that’s what I meant… sorry.” Her apologies were influenced by the tears still falling from her amber eyes. She hoped Lee or anyone else hearing didn’t find it strange, not that she could appear any weirder. She looked horrible, she was wearing odd shoes, and she killed a walker with her bare fists in a fit of rage. Not something you’d see from the average teenage girl, especially just after the apocalypse began.

“It’s no problem Clem, see you in a minute.”

With the final message ending in a beep, she held the radio with both hands and leaned forward, pressing her head against the output. _Come on Clementine, Lee needs you right now, you can finish this later. Just go out there and hand them the radio. Easy_. With that in mind, she stood up and walked straight to the door, avoiding seeing herself in the mirror. She hesitated when bringing a hand to the doorknob with knowing the looks she would receive. _Just do it, you can come back once they have the radio. Come on, three, two, one, go._

Opening the door, she was greeted with a corpse whose head was split in two, its brain spilling onto the pool of blood it lay in. _Wow, I really did that? Fuck… I hope Duck wasn’t watching._ She held her head low as she stepped over the walker’s legs and made her way over to Glenn and Lee who were stood in the centre of the store. The tears on her cheeks provided a cool sensation to her skin but she wasn’t bothered to wipe them away, she believed there really wasn’t any point since she’d most likely retreat to the restroom again once the radio was taken care of. Even with trying to hide her face beneath her cap, she could sense that all eyes were on her and it only made her feel worse.

“Ah, there she is. Hey Clem, you uh, feeling any better?” Clementine didn’t show her face to Lee greeting her. Because of his height, he could only make out up to her mouth, and she had no intention of showing any more.

She forced out, “No… I’m not,” to the question through a snivel and lifted the radio to try and change the subject. “Here.”

“Oh, thanks. Here Glenn, you take this one, radio back if you get in a tight stop. Check in with me and get back here as soon as you can.” Glenn accepted the radio and made his way to the rear entrance of the store.

“Now that that’s taken care of,” she could hear Kenny taking charge of the room, “You, what’s your name?”

“It’s Lilly. My dad’s Larry.” Any reaction she might have had to hearing the name was drowned beneath her depressive mindset.

“Keep a good eye on him. These boys will work on getting you your medicine.” As Kenny assigned roles Carley and Doug, Lee filled her in on what happened to Larry after she left.

“So Clem, basically when you went into the restroom, those walking corpses started attacking the building. We think the military rolled through so maybe it’s not so bad out there, but once those things were distracted, Larry over there started ranting on about making noise and his heart started playing up. I’m working on finding the keys for the pharmacy and… hey are you alright?” She was hardly paying attention since she already knew what was happening, and during his explanation she found herself staring at the floor. In response to his question, all she could do was shrug her shoulders. She didn’t want to be here but hiding your emotions from someone like Lee didn’t get you very far. He knelt in front of her just like how she would do to AJ, but she turned away before he could get a good look of her face. “Clem, if something’s bothering you, you can always talk to me about it. Hey, look at me.”

She turned towards him slowly, revealing a set of puffy red eyes and her tears mixed with the blood from the hands she cried in to. “Oh my gosh, Clem… Is this about what happened with Larry and that thing that attacked you?” She gave Lee a short nod, that was the basis of the problem but not all of it. “Do you want to talk about it?”

_About you dying? About Kenny dying? About AJ dying? About being abandoned? About my sickness? About my anger?_ She couldn’t. There was no way she was telling him about the previous timeline, and her current problems were too much to handle, he had a job to do and she would feel terribly guilty for wasting his time. “I… I can’t.”

He brought a hand to her left shoulder, causing her to flinch. He retracted it for a second upon seeing her reaction, but placed it lightly against her jacket and said, “That’s fine Clementine, I’ve gotta take care of this but if you need to talk to anyone, come see me okay? It’s no problem.”

“Thanks, Lee…” she muttered before he stood up giving her a comforting smile and made his way over to Doug. She couldn’t talk to anyone about her problems without them thinking she’d gone insane. But now that the walkie-talkie was taken care of, she didn’t know what to do with herself. She thought about seeing if Lee needed any help, but he didn’t need any the last time so she’d probably only get in the way. There was no way she was ever talking to Lilly, and she didn’t have anything to say to Carley who was fiddling with a radio of her own. Standing around doing nothing, Clementine felt a subtle wave of sickness overcome her. Her stomach wasn’t on fire like normal, but she moved her right arm over her abdomen out of habit at the familiar feeling. She closed her eyes before the tears escaped; all she wanted was a break from the pain but it followed her as if it were her own shadow. She was under the constant threat of receiving or supplying it in this new world, and it only made her feel like an outcast more than she already did.

“Clementine, you got a second?”

“No Ken, she’s gone through a rough day. Leave her be.” Kenny was standing with his family in the corner next to a drink’s station, he wanted to ask her something but was immediately shot down by his wife. She was more inclined to talk to them since they weren’t getting up to much, but she still preferred the idea of being alone for a while, more now thanks to her queasiness. She could see Duck looking at her with big soft eyes and looking at the innocence of a child she’d protected was enough to convince her. Slightly hunched over her left shoulder, she trundled over to the family and gave Kenny a weak, “…Yeah?”

“Sorry, Kat’s right I should probably wait ‘til later but, I just wanted to thank you for saving Duck. Not only once, but twice. On the farm and now outside this drug store, he wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you, so… thank you.” She barely managed to make a small smile at the praise. It made her feel a little bit better, but she would’ve protected him in any situation. She was more concerned about why he shielded her from Larry and if he was scared after her vicious display.

“Why…? Why did you help me against Larry? I was a… a _monster_ back on that farm and-and it happened again in here… And for all you know I could’ve been bitten so… why?” Her voice was barely raised to a hearable level, but she at least wanted some answers to her endless collection of questions.

“Aw don’t call yourself that,” from the way his sentence was shaping, Clementine’s heart selfishly ached for ‘darling’ to be his next word, but it sank back to reality when it wasn’t said. “Yeah you mighta gone to town on that thing, but you still saved my boy twice. When that old man started givin’ you hell I couldn’t just stand by after what you’ve done for my family. I won’t forget it, trust me. Call yourself whatever you want, but someone who saves a little boy twice a day is certainly not a monster. At least not to me.”

Clementine wasn’t prepared for such support and tears were forming faster than she could anticipate. It was like the old Kenny she’d grown to love was speaking through him, she could see him with his greying beard giving this speech around the campfire. They hadn’t shared the same experiences anymore, but this confirmed to her that this was still the same guy she’d raised a baby with. She stood rooted to the spot, not knowing how to process the information as her eyes were flooding her cheeks with tears again. “Oh shit, sorry! I didn’t mean to-” He tried to apologise but she wouldn’t allow him.

Finally knowing how to deal with her emotions, she rushed up to him and embraced him in a tight hug. She cried into his shirt just as she had done when initially arriving back at the power station, and issued an almost inaudible, “Thank you,” every few seconds between breaths. After a few moments, she felt a hand rest on her cap and upper back, which only further added to opening the floodgates in her eyes. She couldn’t contain the great amount of relief she felt after hearing they didn’t fear her, but not being called a monster had the biggest impact. His words replayed in her head every time she thanked him. _“Someone who saves a little boy twice a day is certainly not a monster. At least not to me.” _The words wrapped themselves around her heart, with every heartbeat sending a flurry of warmth throughout her entire body. Even after losing herself, Kenny and Lee were both willing to stand by her so soon just after they met, and she couldn’t be more grateful for their support. Holding onto him like this when she was in such a vulnerable state caused her to feel an immense comfort, it was like she was right back in the happiest days of her life outside Wellington, except now he was alive again, and she relished every of it second. It was moments like these that made all the pain worth it. “_Thank you so much_…”

“Oh, sweetie…” Katjaa commented in a motherly tone.

“There, there, Clementine. I made a promise, remember? We all appreciate what you’ve done, you can count on us to help out when you need it. We sure as hell aren’t gonna abandon someone like you.”

“R-really?” She looked up at the man giving her a look of pride again, but with also a sense of care. Her biggest fears were being resolved, and after receiving a relaxed nod, she buried her head in his chest once more. She wasn’t expecting them to warm up to her like this, at the very least she believed Kenny would see her as a threat, so he would prefer it if she didn’t go near his son. She couldn’t handle the joy of proving her dismal expectation wrong.

“That’s right dear, you come to us anytime you’re feeling down, okay? We all need a helping hand now and then.”

“Yeah! I can help too!” Clementine tightened her grip at hearing the comments from the entire family. Even Duck was offering support… She didn’t feel like she deserved to be shown such positivity after what she’s done, but at the same time it was everything she needed to hear. She wasn’t a monster, she wouldn’t be left behind… There was a small group of people that didn’t see her as some wild beast despite her actions and that was enough to fill her with hope again. She never realised how much she truly missed being around such a caring group of people that wasn’t exclusively people her age. It almost felt like she could be a normal kid again…

After another minute of crying, a deep rumbling from within broke her from the hug as she quickly stepped back put her arm back over her stomach. She was so caught up with the family that she completely forgot about one of the biggest problems troubling her. There was a hint of heat passing through her system as a fiercer sound made itself known to everyone standing by. Knowing where this was heading, she said, “I’ve… I’ve gotta go…” Well, it was nice while it lasted.

“Sounds like it…” She received sympathetic looks from the three. From her performance on Kenny’s truck, they most likely had a good idea of what it meant as well.

“See ya… and thanks again…” She trailed off as she turned her back to them and walked slowly to the restroom, trying not to provoke her stomach. Returning to the cubicles, she sat down on the same seat feeling much better than how she left. Mentally anyway. Right now, she would love to have said something like “What a day,” but the truth of the matter was, it was only halfway over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of an emotional rollercoaster for our Clem but I'd like to think it ended on a more positive note. Stuff like this is really fun to write, so hopeful I made everyone act like they would in the game. Thanks for reading as always


	7. Alive Inside (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clementine eavesdrops on her companions before joining them on a rescue mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right! Sorry for the long wait it's been really tricky finding time to write around work. But here we are now with a double chapter, I hope that makes a nice Christmas present to make up for the wait. Think of the two chapters as a double A-side record.

Being forced to spend the day in a restroom was just another card played in a deck of taunts. The world around her found amusement in the same tired tricks it was using to torment a sick teenage girl over the last few days. They were repetitive to a point where the victim knew exactly what was coming but still had no hope of stopping it. Each method used in the world’s relentless pursuit of inflicting despair on the poor girl was equivalent to that of a royal flush; each card it collected was a guaranteed success, and yet, for the first time, Clementine was happy while suffering the punishments for another loss.

Finding herself at the mercy of her body’s onslaught was common practise. Her stomach became further blistered with every heave sending oceans of flames that demanded new fuel to burn. The pain was something she could never get used to, but even the uncurable torture wasn’t able to extinguish a newfound fire of her own. Kenny and his family programmed a hope into her she had been missing since the day AJ died: acceptance. With the loss of her son, any purpose she had in the old world had been stripped away and upon taking the life of her younger self to steal their place, she felt a disconnect from those around her. Unintentional or not, she believed her actions to be unjust in deserving support, and the guilt from previously causing her saviour’s deaths loomed in the air. But here, bent over a toilet seat in a soon-to-be overrun drug store, Clementine felt as if she finally earned her place amongst her old allies. She had so far saved the life of her childhood friend on two occasions, and the family he belonged to rewarded her efforts with the faith she’d most recently lost in herself. It was truly the beginning of a second chance, not even her sickness could ruin this moment. All thanks to a single family, she found the strength to smile - albeit somewhat weakly - through every heave.

Allowing the last of the burning fluid to drip from her tongue, Clementine’s spirits were slightly elevated at the sight of a lack blood from the end product. She theorised that it was most likely due to practical reasons, seeing as how for once she had not directly caused the reaction. This being true or not wasn’t as captivating as the fact that, for better or worse terms, she didn’t feel like complete shit after finishing a vomiting round like normal. Again, this was likely due to a lack of stress placed on her body beforehand, but any further thoughts regarding her health slipped her mind as she used some toilet paper from a dispenser to wipe her mouth while making her way over to a mirror opposite the cubicles.

_Welp, you look like complete shit, but you don’t feel like complete shit. That’s an improvement, I guess._ Clementine stared into her bloodshot eyes; she was becoming well acquainted with donning a red colour scheme. Her eyes, the blood spread across her face and the dried blood that drenched her right hand were looks she’d obtained mostly through her own doing. She hated to admit it, but Larry did have a point. Her appearance couldn’t be described by any means as normal, and it only occurred to her now that Kenny and his family looked at her with all the care in the world as she presented herself as some extremely-ill-walker-killing-machine. He may have said she wasn’t a monster, but he’d be hard pressed to deny she at least looked like one. It only made her appreciate their gesture even more. With her thoughts returning to the rest of the group, she wondered what happening in her absence.

_While my sick tank’s nice and empty I should probably keep up to date with current events. Plus, before we leave, there is one thing I want to keep from this place_. Upon searching for Wellington, Clementine was heartbroken at the realisation that she had lost the photo of Lee she’d grown to cherish all thanks to being imprisoned in Carver’s camp. Apart from the blood stain on her hat, it was the only physical memory she had of him, and when her backpack was lost to Howe’s Hardware, so was the picture.

Not wanting to be stuck in a restroom any longer, she opened the door with more confidence this time around and wandered over to the office, where she found Lee in conversation with Kenny, Katjaa, and Duck. Seeing her approach, Lee shared a short greeting with the brunette and both of their neutral faces were overcome with warm smiles. The three people behind him, however, did not share the same look.

“Hey Clementine, you… Ya know, feelin’ any better?” Kenny’s voice called from the corner of the room, where she turned to face the family who all gazed upon her with concern, her reason for re-entering the restroom still fresh on their minds. “That… didn’t sound pleasant.”

“’That’? You don’t mean…” Not entirely sure of his meaning, she noticed his eyes fluttering between her and the restroom. Taking a look for herself, she continued with, “Yeah, I’m good. For now anyways… Wait, you heard all of that?”. Initially she believed he was only referring to her stomach’s growls they all heard before she left, but the thought of everyone in the store having to listen to her being sick for ten or so minutes was quite unsettling.

He hesitated and shared a look with Katjaa before answering with, “Yeah… It was pretty loud.”

“Hm? Did something happen?” Lee questioned the group.

“While you were looking around outside, she came up to us and-” before he could continue, Clem shook her head to prevent him talking about how she cried on him again. Deep down she loved being able to share moments like that with him, but it didn’t make it any less embarrassing with the others around. “-_and_ she was falling sick again. She’s been in there a while, and yeah, it don’t sound good.”

“Sorry, I-I didn’t know I was being so loud...” the news came to her surprise. She thought it wasn’t so bad as previous times had been like on the two car journeys, but she wondered if going through the pain so many times was beginning to wear away at her ability to handle it. “Um… Anyways, what’re you up to now, Lee?”

“I was just about to check the office for anything useful. You wanna come with me?” He offered. It was the place she was already going to, and just being able to spend time with Lee would make it all the more worth it.

“Sure, I could use a change of scenery.” The two bid the family farewell, and after a moment of hesitation when Lee saw the sign reading, “Alive Inside”, the two entered the back room.

Closing the door behind her, she turned to see Lee standing over a bloodied piece of bedding that left a trail from the door to the thin mattress. She heard him mutter to himself, “I can’t… I can’t think about them in here,” before he noticed the family-photo at the heart of the crimson stain. Clementine stood to the side as he knelt down and brought the photo to his hands, a delicate smile overlaying his gloomy face upon observing the family portrait. Seeing the way he reminisced upon his dead relatives, Clementine remembered how he’d previously dealt with the grief alone and was not about to let that happen again. As he tore away his portion of the photo, she spoke up.

“Lee? I’m so sorry about your family…” Her voice was full of understanding, Lee was caught off-guard and swung around to face her. He was shocked at first, but it didn’t take long for his face to fall into sorrow.

“Thanks, Clementine…” He took another look at the photo of his parents and brother again, the regret of his decision to leave the family was clear as day. “They were good people. I shouldn’t have left… Maybe if I was here when all of this started, none of this would’ve happened.” The tone of his dejected voice only made the girl feel even more sorry for him, she hated the way he was blaming himself but at the same time she could understand why he felt that way. She was no stranger to feeling responsible for people’s deaths, and knowing how awful it was, she extended her arms and invited Lee into a hug. The grief lingered on his face as he accepted the invitation almost immediately. By sharing each other’s embrace, Clem could sense the downcast aura he emitted as she felt reluctant heartbeats against her right ear. Even after around eight years of growth, the former teacher still towered over her just as he had in her dreams. After a few seconds, Lee let out a heavy sigh before saying, “Thanks Clem, this means a lot.”

She gently patted a hand against his back. This was the first time in this new timeline that she’d given someone a hug to support them instead of it being the other way around, and she was more than happy to provide comfort to the man who’d risked everything to save her. Keeping her head against his chest, she replied with, “It’s alright. Don’t go blaming yourself, okay? There was no way you could’ve known all of this would happen.” Her hand became still against his back as she could feel his grip abruptly tighten.

_Oh Lee… Was it really this bad for him before? I can’t believe I let him go through this alone. I’m not making that mistake again. I won’t just sit around, if anyone’s in a dark place I’m going to be there for them. It’s the least I can do…_

He was silent for a few seconds but eventually loosened his grip and acknowledged her statement. “I guess you’re right… My family’s… gone. I wish things would’ve been different, but at least there’s one good thing to come out of all this.”

She looked up at him in confusion, wondering how leading up to his parent’s death bed could be positive in any way. The thoughts drove her to pursue an answer. “What do you mean? What’s good about any of this?”

A heart-warming smile succeeded his sad expression as he looked down straight into her puzzled gaze. “Well, I got to meet you, didn’t I?” Her eyes went wide, the same warmth she’d experienced with Kenny earlier flowed through her once more as it tugged at the corners of her lips. Both of them had looked at her with the same sense of care, both of them had accepted who she was even after the terrible things she’d done. The memory of regaining control from her rage to the sight of a scared Lee as she aimed a bloodied screwdriver at him came flooding back. With the guilt still fresh on her mind, she couldn’t help but apologise after hearing him talk with such kindness.

Her eyes fell to the floor, the tone of her voice matched the disappointment she felt in herself. “I’m sorry Lee, for how I acted back there… I couldn’t help it, I swear. I’m losing myself… a second more and I know I would’ve attacked you. You tried to help, and I could’ve killed you for it. I’m so sorry.” She looked up at him, almost pleading for his forgiveness. Putting your loved ones in danger was one of the worst kinds of guilt she’d come to experience, and the weight of keeping it to herself on top of her other troubles was becoming too heavy to carry.

“It’s alright Clem, I know you didn’t mean it. But that does add to the list of things we need to have a talk about.” His smile didn’t waver, but she could sense the hidden uneasiness of his words.

She let out a small chuckle. He was right, she did have a lot of explaining to do after all. Ultimately, she was simply relieved to have been able to establish a good relationship with him despite the many mysteries surrounding her. “I guess it does, huh?”

“Am I interrupting?” The voice was cold, as if the person didn’t care at all whether they were or not. Clementine looked over her shoulder to see Carley giving the two a serious expression.

Lee and Clem exchanged a quick glance, before he pulled away from the lengthy hug and responded with, “Uh… No, I guess not.”

“Good. Did you find anything in here?” Carley was not messing around. The teen moved herself to the side of the room after remembering the two having a rough conversation the last time, and it played out exactly the same this time too. It began when Lee mentioned the family photo which brought Carley to uncovering his identity and her attitude seemed to ease upon revealing he could be useful to the group. Clementine was half-listening since she’d heard it all before, but Carley’s next point caught her attention. “Did you tell anyone out there,” Carley’s gaze was fixated on her for a second before continuing, “_or in here_ who you were, or that you were tied to this place?”

Lee didn’t look impressed. “The world is ending out there, who cares who I am?”

“If you don’t think people will find any reason to turn on you, especially when the shit hits the fan, you’re insane.” Clementine was suddenly intrigued; Lee was under the impression the girl he was protecting had no idea he was a convicted killer. It had taken months, but before he had revealed his past on the final days of staying at the motor inn, and she couldn’t help but wonder whether he’d do it sooner this time if at all. The two finished their conversation on neutral terms and Carley headed back into the other room.

Letting out a defeated sigh, Lee was ready to get back on track with finding the keys. Making a quick search of a desk blocking the pharmacy door, he discovered his dad’s TV remote and pocketed it for later use. “I’ll move this thing when I’ve got the keys. Well, I’ve got this picture for Doug, and maybe this remote can be useful, you want to head back into the drug store with me?”

She could see the scrap of Lee’s picture swimming amongst the sea of blood in the corner of her eye. “You go on ahead, I just uh,” she brought her right arm over her stomach. She wasn’t feeling sick, but it was a better excuse than saying she wanting to rummage around his parent’s death bed for his photo. “I just want to sit down for a bit, if that’s alright.”

“It’s no problem, I’m not willing to argue with that stomach of yours. Take as long as you need.” He gave her a tender smile, she felt bad for deceiving him like this, but that photo meant a great deal to her. “Right, I’ll see you soo- Oh wait, I forgot to give you this.” He reached for his back pocket and pulled out an energy bar. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to eat anything, but hold on to this just in case you start feeling anaemic. It was bad enough getting you off that truck earlier and we don’t want that happening again.”

He raised a good point. She had no idea how her trigger-happy stomach would react to digesting anything, and now that she thought about it, she hadn’t eaten for days. The last time would’ve been Omar’s stew the night before AJ died. For whatever reason, she hadn’t been hungry once since arriving at her childhood home, but she thought this was most likely due to having a constant source of bile filling her stomach. Right now, she believed herself to be generally weaker than normal, but it was unclear whether this was down to a lack of food, the sickness, or a combination of both. Regardless, she accepted the gift and thanked him before finding herself alone in the office.

She picked up the photo of Lee from the heap of dried blood and stashed it away along with the energy bar in the endless void of space that was her inside jacket pockets. Feeling satisfied, she made her way to the door wondering if Lee needed any help with the keys, but her hand froze on the doorknob as voices travelled through the thin walls.

“Lee, you got a second?”

“Sure.” It was Lee and Kenny. It was wrong to eavesdrop, but she was constantly wondering what they had on their minds. She had no clue if this conversation happened the last time but pressed an ear up against the door when the thought of the two talking about her came to mind. Listening closely, a pair of soft footsteps moving in front of the doorway could be heard before Kenny eventually spoke.

“Back on Hershel’s farm…”

“Yeah?” The voices were muffled through the door, but it was clear enough to relay the emotions their words portrayed.

“I panicked, you know? I’m not proud of it.”

“It happens.”

“I guess… But I can’t stop seeing him in my head.” He was referring to Shawn, who Clementine was also responsible for his eventual death. After being bitten on the neck, he would most likely have turned by now, and Kenny must have realised this upon hearing Larry’s rant from when they arrived.

“Yeah, that’s rough.”

“I killed that boy. Clementine had those dead things covered; we could’ve saved him together.”

“You didn’t have a choice. You think you do when you look back on it, but in the moment, when things are really outta control, you don’t have any choice.”

“…I guess.”

“Try to let it go?”

After a moment of silence, she thought that was the end of it. She was unaware that Kenny felt so guilty over the death of Shawn, which probably meant the same would also apply for Duck, of whom caused the tractor to trap the farm boy in the first place. She made a mental note to be considerate about the topic if it were to ever come up, and that maybe she should talk to them about it herself. As she was about to head back inside, she pressed her ear tighter against the door when the pair of voices were engaging in a much more interesting topic. “And uh, one more thing. It’s about Clementine.”

Her heart skipped a beat. A flurry of nerves emerged from her stomach, here she would find out whether the two truly thought she was crazy, a monster, or anything at all. Her breathing fell silent, she wanted to make sure she heard everything they had to say. Lee took a second to reply, and in that time her mind had become solely focused on securing a clear sound from behind the door. This was the most focused she’s ever been since staring into Louis’ time box.

“What is it?”

“That might be the toughest girl I’ve ever met. She’s got that crazy illness, but she was able to save my boy twice and I can’t thank her enough… But I just can’t help but wondering how she knows us, you know?” Clementine could feel the vibrations of her now thumping heartbeat against the door. Would they lose trust in her now that they had time to think? She was becoming increasingly worried about where this conversation could go.

“You mean back on the farm?”

“Yeah, when she woke up screaming my name… You said she knew your name too, right?”

“Yeah, she did. When I was in her house, she called out my name when a corpse started attacking me. I hadn’t introduced myself then.”

“It can’t have been coincidences, right? I mean, what are the odds she dreamed about a guy with the same name as me, and knew who you were the day before? Hell, I’m not even from around here, we were only passin’ through.” Both of their voices were full of suspicion, yet neither seemed to possess any malicious intent.

“Well, in that sense, she _could_ know who I am…”

“Woah, really?”

“Yeah, I was a professor up at UGA before this started. Being her age, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d heard about some of us. She could’ve gone on one of those taster days or might’ve even started a course this year, but then again I’ve never seen her before in my life…” The thought of going to university or college had never crossed her mind seeing as though her education years were halted at first grade but Clementine knew Lee might also be anxious over whether she’d heard about his criminal actions.

“So, we’ve got some kinda explanation for you, but what about me?” The two men fell silent. The longer it continued, the more she herself grew anxious about their suspicions. She could hear one of them let out a long sigh before Kenny spoke up again. “I don’t think we’re ever gonna get an explanation unless it’s from her, but you know what?” Her ear was glued to the door, the next line could change everything.

“Hm?” Clementine braced herself as the nerves crept up her spine. The seconds it took for him to respond felt like minutes, and her mind prepared for the worst-case scenario. She thought she’d conquered it, but the memory of her dream in which they abandoned her never truly left and it was clawing its way through her diminishing confidence.

“I’ve never seen someone warm up to me that fast, let alone put their life on the line for me and my family so soon after meeting us. This girl should be a stranger, yet when she was hugging me in that barn and again a little while ago… It doesn’t feel wrong. Almost natural. It’s like, I’ve known her all my life, but at the same time I haven’t. Does that make sense?”

“…”

“…You feel that too?” Time seemed to slow down upon hearing the deep voice. Clementine was astonished; this might have confirmed her theory about the two of them keeping a remnant of the bonds they’d created. Like the label on the door, assuming her theory was correct, it was almost as if the old versions of themselves were alive inside of their younger bodies. Her heartbeat was gradually upping its pace at the possible conclusion, and the feeling only served to direct even more of her attention to the ear pressed against the door.

“What do you mean?”

“When we first met back at her house, she was having one of those vomiting sessions, but soon after, she came running straight into my arms. I didn’t think of it much, but when she hugged me again in the office just now, she said something that just… I think it made me feel the exact same way. When it hit me, I started holding on to her tight, like I couldn’t let her go… I didn’t even notice I was doing it for a few seconds.”

_Wait, that’s why he suddenly gripped on tight? My hug… did that? Holy shit, I think by becoming closer with him I brought out a spark of the old Lee. Ho-ly shit!_ Nothing was set in stone, but it didn’t stop her from becoming rapidly more excited. She knew his reaction had a chance of not meaning anything, nevertheless, she was getting carried away with the idea that months and years of bonding may not have gone to waste. Noticing the guys continuing their conversation, she immediately calmed herself down and listened in.

“What the hell… Somethin’ similar happened to me. Don’t know if it had anything to do with how sad she was though…”

“Hm? Was this when I was looking around outside?”

“Yeah… Uh, earlier she didn’t want me talkin’ about it but, well, she was calling herself a monster, man. At least she looks a little better now after… nevermind.” She was a bit disappointed to hear him reveal all of that, but it did make sense why he’d tell Lee. At least he stopped himself from exposing any details involving a tsunami of tears on his shirt.

“Jesus, poor fucking kid. She only told me bits and pieces, but I can’t imagine the things she’s gone through the past few days. It must’ve traumatised her; God knows what’s happening in her head right now.”

“I couldn’t believe it when she said it…” His voice trailed off and he paused for a couple of seconds. “I think I’ve got more questions now than when I started. Like, why was she holding that screwdriver to your face when we got here for starters?”

“Oh, you saw that? Shit.” Clementine had the same reaction.

“Who didn’t with the way she was growlin’… You musta _really_ pissed her off.”

“Uh, well that was uh-”

“Hey there, this is Glenn and uh, I’m kinda in a jam here.” Clem was relieved to find the conversation from escalating any further; Lee would try to defend her but there was only so much that could be said to make her act of rage seem somewhat rational. With Glenn needing a rescue, it was a chance to do something useful other than lazing around the store waiting for the others to take care of everything. Walkers could pose a threat along the way but killing them just so happened to be one of her specialties. She could hear the radio voice impatiently waiting for a response as she prepared to re-enter the other room. “Guys? Guys, are you there?”

Closing the door behind her, she received almost surprised looks from Kenny and Lee before the latter took the walkie-talkie from his pocket and replied. “Uh, sorry. This is Lee, what’s up?”

With Glenn explaining his situation, Lee decided a small group should go to which Kenny agreed, and began debating who to take with him. “I think Doug’s not great around zombies…”

_‘Zombies’? Are those supposed to be walkers?_ She pondered over the foreign word amid Lee’s summary upon hearing this nickname for the first time. There had been walkers, lurkers, muertos, monsters, and even creepy crawlies, but never… _Zombies_. It sounded horrifying. Breaking from her vocabulary-filled thoughts, she noticed that Lee turned towards Kenny before saying, “And you’ve got your family here. Lilly’s not going to want to leave her dad, I don’t know if I should bother Carley with this, hmm, how about…” With Carley not needing to kill the restroom walker thereby not demonstrating her shooting skills, this was an opportunity for Clementine to take her place.

She brought the blood-stained screwdriver to her equally bloody right hand. “I’m in. Let’s go.”

Lee was visibly surprised at her fast interest. However, he was still under the impression of the lie she had told in the office and therefore valued her health more. “Nah it’s alright Clem, if you’re still not feeling well you can always stay here.”

“That back room was hardly a change of scenery. I’m fine Lee, really. I could use some fresh air anyway.” Lee looked as if he wanted to say something, but Kenny stepped in before he could do so.

“I think you oughta take her with you. Put a hundred corpses between you and Glenn and you’ll come back without a scratch.” Clementine gave him a silent ‘Thank you’ in the form of a nod, and Kenny’s simple argument was enough to persuade Lee.

“Yeah, you’re right about that…” So she was being viewed as a walker-killing-machine after all. She wasn’t sure whether to be proud of this or not. “I guess that settles it. You want to head out now, Clem?”

Teaming up with Lee on a rescue mission? It sounded like something not even her dreams for the last eight years could have provided. She was oozing confidence when giving him a confirmation, and the pair headed for the office once more with the her long awaited reunion with the motor inn finally in sight. With her stomach currently providing a generous amount of time for its inactivity, taking to the streets of downtown Macon with a weapon in hand caused a small adrenaline rush to coarse through her veins. For the first time since losing her leg, she felt like her old self again, ready to take on the world and all the bullshit it threw her way. She took on a fearless smirk as they stepped out into the night, and the two took to the streets where they began the short trek to the motor inn.

***

At least, she _thought_ it was short. A tall sign illuminated through the shadows as the long-awaited motel came into sight. One could call it a literal beacon of hope. Before she could indulge in the luxury of having a good night’s rest and taking time to recover, a handful of obstacles surrounded the building:

1 - From the time it took to walk there from the drug store, Clem concluded the two locations were at least over a mile apart, meaning she had to go through another rocky car journey. Even for maybe a single mile, the chances of her holding it in were slim, and if she were to be successful, her stomach would happily remind her that she would be working off a full tank at the earliest convenience. She’d already experienced it back at her treehouse and it was something she desperately wanted to avoid despite the impossibility to do so.

2 - The motel looked jam packed with walkers. They had no idea where Glenn could be hiding, but it would become a much more challenging task if he was stuck in one of the bedrooms.

Taking cover behind a short wall bordering the hotel, Clem and Lee pushed forward to scout out the area. Upon closer inspection, the teen could make out less walkers than she’d originally anticipated, and the subtle sound of the opening and closing of a metallic door caught her attention. _That small container has handles on the outside, meaning a walker can’t be in there because they shouldn’t be able to fully pull it open and climb in. So that must mean…_ “There’s Glenn!” She exclaimed in a hushed voice.

“Huh? How do you know? It could be one of them.” Lee was right to question her certainty without her knowledge of the walkers. Of course, it _could_ be a walker, but she was sure it was highly unlikely.

“Just watch.” Going with her gut feeling, she moved behind the wall to where the container was, and eventually the door opened enough for Glenn to notice the two.

“_Guys_! Oh man, I’m glad you’re here!” Swiftly getting on his feet, he vaulted over the wall and the three crouched behind cover.

“All right, that wasn’t so hard.” Lee sounded pleased at the rescue going so smoothly, but Clementine knew that if they were to stay here then the walkers would need to be cleared out. She considered herself to be the perfect candidate to get the job done and was about to make the guys aware of her plan after checking in on Glenn’s progress with finding the gas.

“So, did you find anything?”

“I found a couple cans of gas, it’s enough to get Kenny’s car here no sweat. I also found that pizza delivery car parked up over there and filled it up but just as I was about to leave, I heard crying coming from inside that corner room.” He gestured to a room surrounding by two walkers. _Wait, someone was at the motel before we got there? And the balcony’s in good shape too… Why didn’t I ever see them before?_ She was about to ask Glenn about the mysterious survivor, but Lee beat her to it.

“Who is it?”

“It’s a girl. We talked and she got frightened. I was trying to get in and help her and she started yelling and saying I was bitten. I tried to convince her I wasn’t and that’s when all of these guys came out of the forest. A couple almost got me, and I ended up hiding in the ice machine.” Clementine became even more intrigued by the person locked in the room. She wasn’t thrilled about adding another member to the group’s already large numbers, but it was interesting to know what Lee originally went through without her. It also served as an excuse to take out the roaming walkers. With this in mind, she proposed an idea.

“Okay, to see if we can save her, we need to get to that room.” She drew her screwdriver before continuing. “You guys hang back. I’ll take out the walkers and once we’re done, we’ll grab the gas and loop back to the drug store.” Killing half a dozen walkers was an easy task for her, especially with them being so spread out across the motel’s car park. 

Lee was initially in favour of her plan. “You’re goddamn right we’re saving her. Wait, you want kill them all by yourself? It’s too dangerous, Clem. I’ve got nothing on me, but I can’t let you do this alone.”

She was flattered by his offer to help, but with all the hoards she’d walked through, all the walkers she’d cut down in her pursuit of and to protect AJ, a simple task like this didn’t even compare. Her voice was deep, she’d already started making her way over to a walker occupied by a body as she said, “This is nothing.” With her back turned to the two men behind, she ignored any protests and silently snuck behind her first victim. It didn’t take any notice of its predator standing tall, readying her weapon.

Normally, she’d have made an easy job out of a single walker and prepared herself for the next, but instead, she found herself getting lost in thought. Travelling back in time to a world on the brink of collapse put things into perspective; she’d been to her normal house, talked with normal people, and now, knelt before her was part of the source that took it all away. They stole any hope she had for the future, and just when AJ was becoming a true reason to believe in the world again, it shredded that hope beyond repair. Being able to move past each pain was something the troubled teen couldn’t do, she carried them deep in her heart with no exceptions. But the death of her beloved son was the final straw and facing the source of her problems caused her heart to crack under the pressure of its timeless scars. Trapped in a body brimming with despair, Clementine was desperate to get even a little bit of it out. Taking a few second’s glance at the blood covering her right palm and the tool in her hand, a tame flicker of the rage responsible for the red coating emerged at the sight of its handiwork, spurring her to waste no more time. The walker became its prime target which resulted in the metal piercing through the decaying skull with more force than necessary. After being out of action for over a month, she couldn’t deny the ability to fight for one’s self was immensely satisfying.

The remaining four walkers around the car park were no trouble. Taking a route behind the familiar broken RV to avoid being flanked, she made quick work of one standing by the vehicle’s door and another near the flight of stairs using her trusty knee technique. A lone walker slumped against a car required her to backtrack slightly, but after taking care of it with an easy stab to the head she ordered the three to regroup by the stairs. Glenn and Lee were awkwardly trailing behind taking cover near the RV, and Lee was the first to speak up after gathering around a nearby fire axe. “You make it look so easy… How’re you so good at that already?”

The answer was quite simple. “With _lots_ of practise.” The response caused him to faintly raise an eyebrow. With what she overheard him and Kenny discussing back at the drug store, she wouldn’t be surprised if this only created more questions about her backstory. _Yeah, maybe that wasn’t the best way to say that._

“Nevermind all that, guys, look what we’ve got waiting for us.” Glenn was smiling at the fire axe protected behind a layer of thin glass on the wall. Realising this is where Lee first obtained it, she aimed her screwdriver at the transparent material. Having Lee armed with a weapon instead of being defenceless like he currently was sounded far more comforting.

“Clem, no! The noise!” Lee was quiet in his protest, despite the concern fuelling his words.

Still on a high from taking out the first set of walkers, the flicker of her unruly rage had built up a little more with each kill to where it influenced her thoughts and injected sarcasm into her response. “What? The walkers stop banging on that door for a few seconds? It doesn’t matter who they’re after, I’ll kill them all. Just leave it to me.”

She was already aware that something broke inside of her following AJ’s death, but because of that she was now beginning to feel a new experience; through this newfound anger issue, she found some form of satisfaction in killing walkers. Looking back on Hershel’s farm and the restroom walker, it was clear to her that this rage she had no control over was directly responsible for the thrill of every kill. Every time she’d offed a walker in this new timeline, she could feel it burning the back of her mind, eager for more chances to grow. And yet, knowing how dangerous it was to endorse the vicious nature, she couldn’t help herself from craving more. It was indescribable. Though the more she craved, the more it sent her mind into a limbo – the bounty of every kill was shared by two parties: one that wanted to release her pain, and another that indirectly caused more. The latter turned her into the monster she was ever so ashamed of being, and yet, when it came to walkers - and only walkers – it made the process of the former feel more natural. To feel a greater satisfaction but also becoming a danger to others was a line Clementine wasn’t sure whether she wanted to cross.

With her mind becoming largely dominated with the walkers upstairs, she smashed the glass, handed the axe to Lee, and hastily began climbing the stairs without a word. The walkers were in sight, and her grip on the screwdriver tightened as each step towards the two became slightly louder the closer she got. Not bothering with her knee trick, the walker turned its attention towards her but not before the metal slammed into its left eye-socket and through the back of its head. As soon as it made contact, Clementine felt a powerful heartbeat against her rib cage, sending a momentary spike of adrenaline throughout her body. She paused for half a second. There it was again in the back of her head; every kill was only adding more fuel to the fire._ I should stop, I’m getting carried away so it’s becoming stronger again. This weird feeling’s not worth it. Maybe I should just let Lee handle this one…_ As the first walker’s head slid off the screwdriver, her heartrate suddenly increased at the sight of the corpse and the final walker shambling towards her. The adrenaline was pumping through her veins, her muscles nagging to take action. _But then again… There’s only one more…_

Falling into temptation, she unintentionally let out a small roar as the screwdriver met a walker’s eye socket once more. The warm blood spewing onto her hand sent a wave of similar heat down her spine. As the walker fell to the floor, Clementine took deep breathes while standing over the corpses. She was uncertain whether that last kill was relieving at all, but she brought her cleaner left hand to her forehead upon feeling a thumping sensation against her skull. She could also feel the built-up anger slowly diminishing, but as it faded away, it seemed to take her energy with it. Her breathes were becoming heavy and the adrenaline suddenly vanished, leaving her in a much weaker state. Clearing out the motel’s walkers used a lot of the dwindling amounts of energy she had in her, and she found herself leaning on the balcony’s railing with her weight heavily placed on her right arm being used for support. _Woah… Fuck, I’m so tired… That happened… so fast… _Having lost trust in herself, she replayed each kill in her mind to test her sanity. _Shit, I didn’t lose control again… did I?_

“Woah, Clem! Are you alright?” Lee rushed up to her, closely followed by Glenn who both had worried expressions. Her body felt so heavy against the railing that she wanted to simply let go and fall asleep on the floor, but there was still a job that needed to be done.

“I… Don’t know…” She was finding difficulty in speaking through such deep breathes. “I was fine… Then I killed the last one… And now I’m…”

“Oh shit, you’re looking paler than your usual pale. Do you still have that energy bar I gave you? I don’t know if this means you’re feeling well or not, but I think you’re gonna have to eat it, Clem.”

She was terrified of how her stomach would react, but her drooping eye lids were proof enough that he was right. She needed to bring those she cared about to the safety of the motel, and she couldn’t do that by falling sleep.

“Yeah, yeah okay… Could you maybe… Get it for me…?” It was a similar situation to getting off Kenny’s truck. This time however, she was mostly able to move, but her right arm was glued to the railing making it difficult to reach the pocket storing the energy bar. Lee caught on to the familiar task and was more accepting as he gave her a sympathetic look.

“Sure, Clem. Which pocket?”

“Same as before, inside… Left...”

Pulling the jacket away from her chest, Lee retrieved and proceeded to unwrap the bar before handing it over. Her jaw snapped at the first source of food she’d had in days and it wasn’t long before the entire bar was gone. Still wrapped chocolate was an extremely rare find in the later years of her old life, but she unfortunately didn’t have the chance to savour the bar’s taste as her hunger instincts took control, which in itself was a nice change of pace.

“Man, you were really hungry, huh…” Glenn’s voice trailed off behind her. She looked up to see Lee breaking a wooden barrier on the door as a hint of power was returning to her legs. Add that energy bar to the list of debt she was in to him. After multiple failed attempts of gaining access to the room, the mysterious survivor reluctantly revealed themselves, and Clementine understood the situation immediately. Their shirt was torn above the hip, blood seeping out of a bite wound. With there being no way to cut it off, she knew what had to be done.

“You’re hurt…” Lee was the first to comment on her condition.

“I… I said stay away…” Her voice was racked with fear.

“We need to get you help!” Glenn may have been inexperienced with bite victims, but it was still strange for Clem to hear people still hopeful over trying to help them.

“It’s too late for that…” As the woman explained to Glenn and Lee what would happen to her, Clementine hovered her free hand over the gun tucked away in her pants. In truth, this was just another poor soul she had to send on their way, but where this was standard practise for her, it could be a valuable lesson for her companions. The brunette believed in this moment that it was her responsibility to make sure Lee would adapt to the horrors he would come to witness just as she had. It may be cruel but learning now would make it easier in the future.

“Okay, we’ll leave. Just try to take care of yourself, for whatever time you have left.” The woman looked lost upon hearing Lee’s proposal and a silence succeeded the tragic conversation. Nobody moved. Clementine sighed, it was time to get this over with.

“Miss.” She pushed herself off the railing and after steadying herself after wobbling slightly, she held the gun by her waist. Staring into the woman’s hopeless eyes, she said in a serious tone, “If you want to… I can end this right now.”

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Clementine!” She didn’t break eye contact, ignoring the men who were appalled at her sudden actions. After a moment of shock from the woman herself, her dejected expression was overcome with a broad smile.

“Would you do that? Thank you so much, I know how terrible this must be.”

“Clem! Seriously, what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Lee was looking down on her, almost in fear. Unphased, she turned to match his gaze.

“What needs to be done.” Lee leaned back with wide eyes at the gravity of her intent. A teenage girl willingly offering to end the life of another in such a way would’ve been shocking to just about anybody, but at this point she didn’t care how insensitive she appeared.

“There’s no way I’m watching this! Come on Lee, let’s go.” Glenn was about to turn back taking Lee with him before Clementine stopped them.

“No. Lee, you stay here.”

“Huh?! Why do I-”

“I need you to see this.” If Lee didn’t look fearful before, then he definitely did now. “Glenn, get the gas and be ready to move. We won’t be long.” The man in question was frozen for a few seconds and muttered something under his breath before leaving the scene. Lee’s gaze was fixed on the man walking down the stairs and turned his head back around slowly to the girl holding a gun. His extreme discomfort of being forced to stay was written all over his face but Clementine was just glad he didn’t object, though she wondered if this had anything to do with either her being armed or the talk he had with Kenny. She switched the gun to her favoured right hand. Her voice fell from being serious to soft and looking back up at the bite victim she said, “Just close your eyes. I’ll make this quick for you, alright?”

“Clem…” Lee whispered to her but again she didn’t break eye contact.

“You’re a good person, thank you so much for doing this…” She sounded at peace. Removing an arm from the bite, she held her chin high and followed Clem’s instructions. As she drew the gun to the woman’s forehead, she could make out Lee’s eyes growing even wider.

“Clem… You’re not really going to…”

“I’m sorry for making you stay, but this is the world we live in now. These are the choices we’re going to have to make for maybe the rest of our lives… You need to get used to it.” She took a glance at the man who was staring at her in silence. Not getting any further comments, she sighed and turned her attention back to where her pistol was aimed. She gave the woman a short, “I’m sorry,” before taking a second to pull the trigger. Her eyes following the corpse collapsing to the floor, the gunshot was a message she hoped Lee would read. Clementine was prepared to ensure every step was taken to avoid losing him again.

Tucking the gun away, she looked up at Lee to see if the message got through. His face was a mix of the initial shock but now it was predominantly full of sorrow. Well, that was better than nothing. As the two shared a moment of silence, Clementine spoke up, causing Lee to almost flinch. “You understand why I had to do that, right?”

He looked lost in thought before he reluctantly answered. “I think so… If what Larry said is true, then a bite is a death sentence, right? But… Still, how can you be so… _calm_ about this?” Her eyes fell to the floor at the question. She wanted to tell him everything, for someone to understand what she was going through. Her vision was met with darkness as she debated her response. Maybe it would be alright to confide in him? There was no way to explain her past that made any logical sense, Kenny and Lee both wanted answers so she would have to tell them eventually. There would come a time where she couldn’t lie to them any further, but even thinking about it made her terrified that they’d lose faith in her. Regardless, doing so now would only slow them down and with this in mind, she shook her head.

“Don’t… Don’t worry about it. Come on, let’s just go-”

“_Guys_!” Clementine was interrupted by a voice coming from the car park beneath them. Glenn was seen staring into the nearby forest, and on closer inspection, she could make out a swarm of walkers appearing from the shadows. “Guys, we gotta go! _Now_!”

“Shit, come on, Lee!” With no time to hesitate, the pair bolted for the stairs. They were mere metres away from the turning, but mid-sprint the already out-of-breath Clementine tripped upon placing too much pressure on her left leg, in which she felt a jolt of pain soaring through it. The energy bar wasn’t enough, the strange pain was gone in an instant, but the lower half of her body refused to counter the fall. As she tumbled to the balcony floor, she propped her head up to see Lee sprinting back towards her.

“Clem! Fuck, are you okay?” He knelt beside her frantically glancing between the walkers and her motionless body. She tried hauling herself up with her right leg but only slipped to where her face met the ground. This wasn’t good. She didn’t have the energy to get down the stairs, let alone walk all the way back to the drug store. As she lay there, her thoughts were filled with the idea of being a burden again and how she was putting Lee in danger.

“Just… Just go… I can deal with the walkers, I’ll be fine…”

“Not in your condition!” His voice was commanding, he took a final look through the balcony’s railing at the walkers and made up his mind. “Oh, fuck it.” Her body was flipped over and she felt a pair of arms lifting from her knees and upper back. Before she knew it, Lee resumed his sprint as her head dangled upside down, rocking back and forth from the sudden motion. The moment she caught on to what was happening, her stomach reacted to the oncoming information immediately. With Lee descended the flight of stairs, she could feel the chocolate morphing into something far more sinister. Her gut became a choir of deep rumbles with each step down, and as Lee skipped the last one to make a leap for the ground, a scorching gas tore through her throat as a severe warning to stop.

“Put me down… Put me down _putmedown_!” It was getting worse; she knew what was about to happen in a few seconds, yet Lee was still going. She tried to speak up again but was cut off by an abrupt gag reflex at the taste of her stomach’s persistent toxic gases, causing her entire body to sharply tense. Nothing came out, but her stomach was set ablaze at the reaction and she was silently begging for her saviour to stop. _Lee, please… It hurts so much… Please stop…_

“Hang in there a little longer, Clem! We’re almost at the car!”

“_A** CAR**_!?” Nope. Going straight from one torture-filled mode of transport to another wasn’t happening. The sound of the pizza delivery car’s engine was a battle-cry, and fighting her body again in quick succession was a war she’s did not want to take part in. Her eyes drifted in the moonlit sky as she was reminded of a similar scene at the power station. Every time she’d experienced this pain back then, she’d passed out, and that luxury was sounding more inviting the longer she stared into the stars. It was the only way to stop it. Still in Lee’s arms, her earlier fatigue was now in full force, and Clementine’s vision soon became one with the pitch-black sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we move on to the escape, exciting times are ahead. Sorry if there were any bad grammar or spelling mistakes littered around most of my writing now gets done in and around midnight.


	8. Alive Inside (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the dead of the night, the walkers begin their attack.

“Clem…”

_Huh? What… Who’s there?_

“You… ou… prot… me” The voice was barely audible. Various sentences and words were distorted by a fuzzy mist enveloping her mind. Despite the lack of clarity, she could make out the voice containing childlike characteristics. It was male but somewhat high pitched. Was this a dream? That would be the most straightforward answer, but it didn’t explain why she couldn’t see. Tiredness hindered her senses, making the possibility of arriving at a conclusion for the voice more of a challenge. Thinking of where her body could be right now, she speculated Duck being the possible speaker. That’s right… If she passed out, then it’s likely she was back in the drug store, and Duck wasn’t exactly the quietest kid. It all made sense, but why him? Another string of audio appeared, one that was clearer and therefore easier to identify. It was short but was enough to disprove her theories.

“_Clem_.”

It was AJ. For the first time since his death, she could hear her son’s voice.

_AJ! Where… where are you… I can’t… see…_

Her thoughts followed the same fatigued pattern as the rest of her senses. Each word made her feel more out of breath than the last, but even if this was only a dream, she was desperate to see his face again. He sounded just inside her arm’s reach, if only she could wrap them around his body and hold him close, never to let go. She wanted to say how much she loved him, to listen to his morning greetings, but most of all, to say she’s sorry. Before long, his voice was becoming lost beneath the black mist.

_No… Wait, AJ, don’t go… I’m sorry, I’m so… so sorry… Please don’t go-_

“Ken, I think she’s waking up!”

_-don’t leave me again… Please forgive me… I didn’t mean for this to happen-_

“Uh, Clementine?”

_-My little Goofball…_

“Clementine!”

“AJ!?” Her eyes flew open at the sound of her name as she propelled the top half of her body upwards. Frantically glancing at her surroundings, she was in fact back at the drug store. Rapid breathes matched the speed of her heartbeat as she found herself sitting on a countertop. Looking to her sides revealed Kenny and Katjaa close by, of whom the latter placed a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her down.

“It’s okay! It’s okay, it was just a bad dream.” Katjaa tried putting on her usual motherly tone, but even she couldn’t hide the genuine worry behind her reassurances. Clementine cycled between glances at the two at either side as she sat there trying to slow down her breathing. The reality of the situation hit her. AJ was _this_ close, but not even her subconscious could provide his image for a single second. Waking up before she could meet him hurt her spirits, and she wondered why she had been lying on the drink station’s counter.

“What… What happened?”

“We were gonna ask you that…” Kenny shared the same worried expression as his wife but decided to provide an explanation. “You guys got back a few minutes ago. Lee burst through the door carryin’ you and asked if we could take care of you. He said you looked like you were about to be sick but passed out before you could. So… are you gonna be okay?”

A raging rumble erupted from her stomach at the reminder of her condition, causing her to bring her arms over the fragile area on instinct. A wave of nausea soon overcame her after returning to her full senses thanks to the sick having time to settle in. It was safe to say by now that the chocolate was a bad idea. She turned to meet his eyes looking like she was about to cry which gave him his answer.

“It’s just... Lee said he’s off to get the keys, meaning we’ll probably be outta here in a little while.”

_Meaning another car ride…_ She already felt like shit, the last thing she wanted was to endure another vehicle. They seemed to cause the most damaging reactions, and knowing the ride would be inevitable, a sequence of tears were brought to her eyes upon thinking about how much pain she already was - and would be - in. She squeezed her lower abdomen and slammed her dripping eyes shut as the torture finally broke her. The more she envisioned herself on the back of the truck repeating the same events as before, the more she couldn’t stop herself from crying. It wasn’t like her to cry from pain but stitching up your own arm or getting bit didn’t even compare to this. At least those scenarios only lasted half an hour at the maximum, this was constant.

“Oh shit! It wasn’t something I said, was it?”

“Oh sweetie, it’ll be okay, I promise.” Those words couldn’t be further from the truth. Katjaa rubbed her shoulder but the kind gesture only felt hurtful because of the promise it was backed behind.

“No Kenny it’s fine, it’s just… You don’t have any idea how much this hurts…” She trailed off after a faint bubbling sensation emerged in her stomach taking on the usual burning heat which caused her to squeeze her abdomen even tighter in fear. How she would give anything right now to go back to sitting in the barn with her leg chopped in half. “Not even dying was this painful… It gets worse each time… and-and now it’s about to happen all over again when we l-l-leave…” Her voice was shaky, saying all of this would, by her normal standards, make her sound absolutely pathetic but for once she didn’t care. Nobody knew about or would ever feel the same type of pain and this time she couldn’t keep it to herself. And for a brief moment, she acted like an innocent girl as her next words carried the weight of all the tears that they were muffled by. “Just make it stop… _Please_…”

Both of the parents were at a loss for words. There was nothing they could say to make her feel better; witnessing how bad it was for themselves, they must have understood how terrified she was of car rides. A gentle hand rubbed against her back as Katjaa inquired about her illness in a soft voice. “Did a doctor ever tell you what you’re sick with? I can try to find you some medicine when Lee comes back.”

“No medicine can stop this…”

“But… How do you know?”

_Because no-one's ever been stupid enough to send their body back in time twice in one go… Who ever heard of a time travel doctor? Other than if that caravan guy knew anything, nobody could've ever made something to help with this. I fucked up using that device. I was too hasty. It's my fault this is happening to me. God, I hope Louis is okay… If he's going through the same thing all because of me…_

"Um, Clementine?" 

"Huh?" Kenny broke her from her thoughts. Answering the question fell behind blaming herself for her boyfriend's potential suffering which only made her feel worse. 

"Ken, maybe it's best if you take her to the restroom for a bit. I'll make sure Ducky's ready to leave." 

"Yeah… that sound alright to you, Clementine?" She didn't want to be sick again before they leave, but she wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she had an accident over them. Maybe it would be best to keep away from them while she was in such a nauseous state. The cuffs of her jacket's sleeves were used to wipe away the still flowing tears before agreeing.

"Yeah, yeah okay…" She twisted round to the right to meet Kenny as she gave him a quiet, "Thank you…"

"It's no problem, really. Right, you ready to get down?" He offered his hands so she could use them as supports to get off the countertop.

Taking a hold of him, she braced herself for what even a small drop could do. Before shuffling herself off, she warned him, “Just… just be careful. I don’t want to…” her cheeks displayed a dim red tint in embarrassment for what she was about to say. “…you know, _hurl_ on you…”

“We won’t let it come to that, alright? Come on, the sooner we get you to that restroom, the better. Let’s get you down, nice and easy…” And with that, Clementine pushed herself off the counter. She landed steadily on both feet, but it didn’t go as smoothly as possible as taking the fall caused a surge of bile to spring to the back of her throat. Noticing this immediately, she slammed her eyes shut again and brought a hand to her mouth as her heartrate acknowledged the danger.

“Woah woah woah! Just take deep breaths! You’ll be alright. Take as long as you need.” The voice came directly from above. She hadn’t been aware that at the taste of the bile, she’d naturally rushed up to him for help. Her left arm clung onto his shirt as she began following his breathing advice. Her air intake was loud and disorderly, but she seemed to be making good progress in calming herself down. That was until the bubbling sensation in her stomach eventually advanced to boiling point, inducing a harsh queasiness to spread up her body.

“Eughh fuck…” She clung on for dear life, but the bile wasn’t going down. Her rate of breathing increased as a trail of fire shot up her digestive system. The oncoming extra oxygen fell on trembling nerves; ‘it’ was coming, and she wasn’t ready. Her breathing was changing into a set of whines, and noticing her sudden scared behaviour, Kenny spoke up.

“Hey… Oh shit, are you alri- Fuck!” She couldn’t hold it in anymore. As she exhaled, a large portion of the boiling liquid escaped through her fingers, and she pushed Kenny to the side when she felt more on the way. Falling to her knees, Clementine endured the pain of one big heave infested with the energy bar’s taste. Still having the urge to vomit, she violently coughed to release any leftovers but to her surprise, that was all this round had to offer. By now she was used to requiring multiple heaves to empty her gut, so for there to be only one left her feeling as sick as she started. Taking some time to release the steam emitting from her stomach, she could hear Katjaa swapping her attention from Duck to her and Kenny.

“Ken? What’s… Oh my god, what happened?”

“That’s not comin’ off… Shit, Clem! Are you alright? She’s been sick.” Clementine rotated her neck to see Katjaa looking horrified from over the countertop. Deciding there was definitely no further sick on the way, she pushed herself off the ground but as she turned around, the sight before her fuelled her dried tears with water. Kenny was stretching his shirt away from him as a splatter of her stomach’s produce dripped down the left side of his chest. The one thing she was afraid of doing presented itself for all the world to see. Guilt spread across her face as she couldn’t believe her actions.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to, I swear!” This wasn’t just anyone she’d been sick on, this was _Kenny_. The very person in this new timeline who’d given her hope again and put so much faith in her, and this was her way of repaying him. She continued apologising feeling as if she’d betrayed him before he let out a suppressed chuckle.

“It’s alright Clementine, this just means both of us have a reason to go to the restroom now. More importantly, you okay after that?” She would’ve expected it from the old Kenny, but for this version of him who probably viewed her as a stranger to value her health first caught her by surprise.

“Oh… Well, I guess…” She didn’t really know how to respond. On the one hand, it felt relieving to drain her system of it all but on the other hand she still felt nauseous.

“I suppose that’s the best we’re gonna get, now come on. Let’s got off to that restroom, I don’t want this to dry.” Despite him assuring her it was fine, taking a look at his ruined shirt caused her to feel a discouraging guilt. Returning to the habit of holding her right arm over her stomach, she held her head low as she nodded and the two headed for the restroom. Just wanting the day to end, a voice called out the them that made Clementine freeze in her tracks.

“Hey, um, Clementine, is it?” The instantly recognisable voice from behind sent a shiver down her spine. It was Lilly. For a moment, she simply stood there without a thought crossing her mind. Her face was unintentionally showing signs of fear; she wasn’t afraid of the woman herself, but instead what would happen if she talked to her. Just hearing her voice earlier was enough to light the spark on her rage, and she dreaded what she’d be capable of without Lee around to stop her. Her eyes darted up at Kenny a few steps ahead, silently asking for help as her darker side was reawakening. The man looked puzzled by her strange behaviour, but assumed it was because of her illness.

Answering in her place, he looked over to Lilly and said, “Yeah? You might wanna make it quick, she’s really sick.”

“Sorry, it won’t take long.” Clementine’s heart began pounding like a drum. She mentally ordered herself to keep a blank mind; she’d accepted an inability to control this sinister nature so believed this might help to slow down the process. “It’s just, I wanted to apologise for how my dad acted back there.” Keeping her thoughts at bay was more challenging than she anticipated. One side of her understood Lilly’s good intentions here but the other couldn’t care less. It was the same side that wouldn’t be satisfied until it saw a bullet through the woman’s neck and would stop at nothing to achieve its goal. Feeling the war overcoming her mind, she resorted to her breathing technique and locked her eyes on Kenny as a reminder of the danger she could put him in. The man in question was beginning to look worried as his gaze flickered between her and Lilly. She tried focusing on the air entering her lungs over the woman behind her. “I know he’s got a temper, but he really doesn’t mean it. So, I’m sorry for how he pushed you.”

The room went silent as Kenny and Lilly both assumed that she’d say something in return. She was treading on thin ice for even thinking about responding, but the situation was becoming more awkward the longer she took and saying anything at all would end the conversation quicker. Pausing her breathing, she didn’t waver her gaze from Kenny as she replied with, “It… I-I-I-It’s f-fine…” Even her rational side was disappointed in her response. _“It’s fine”!? She puts a bullet in your kid, and the next thing you say to her is, “It’s fine”!?_ She closed her eyes as a stampede of madness rushed through her mind. The restroom. She needed to get to the restroom now.

“…Clementine?” Her vision was greeted by the sight of Kenny looking even more worried than before, almost scared. It was a mild version of the way Lee looked after almost being attacked.

“Hey, is she okay?” Lilly’s voice struck her mind like a shockwave. Her eyes widened as she looked down towards her blood-stained right hand. Her nails were digging into her skin, the unintended force used to clench her fist resulted in her entire arm quivering. She was reminded of when she attacked Lee; falling any further into madness could lead to Kenny taking his place. _Get to the restroom. Now!_ Not willing to risk any more time, she immediately took action and stomped her way over to her destination, taking a hold of Kenny’s hand in the process and dragging him along.

Practically throwing him inside, she pressed her back against the door she slammed behind her and let out a loud sigh of relief. Crisis avoided. She never knew going to the toilet could be so difficult; on the way she’d spilled her guts over someone and almost lost her mind over another, so to finally be here felt somewhat accomplishing.

Kenny was standing idly by in a state of confusion but looking down at the stain on his shirt reminded him of his original goal. “Um, right. There’s still rolls of toilet paper in here, right? Think I’m gonna need some.”

“Yeah, there’s loads.” With the rage settling down, the guilt she felt beforehand was slowly reappearing. She watched him walk past the cubicles to where he cursed at the lack of running water from one of the various faucets. Grabbing a roll of paper, she folded a few stacks together and joined him by the sink where she offered to clean up her mess. “It won’t get it all off, but I’ll try to get most of it.”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to.”

“No, it’s my mess… I’m sorry, again…” He stretched out the shirt and she began soaking up the thin layer of vomit.

“Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t your fault, okay? I signed up for this when I agreed to take care of you, you can’t control what’s gonna happen when you’re sick.” His kind words were appreciated, but it didn’t stop her from finding some way to blame herself.

“Maybe not… But I can control if I’m sick on someone.” The two shared a moment of silence before she realised more paper was required and returned with a clean set. There was a lot more than she initially thought, and the smell only served to reignite her nausea. Trying not to think about it, she hoped Kenny would want to talk about something, in which he eventually did.

“So… what happened back there?”

“Back where?”

“With Lilly, I mean.”

“Ah.” This was going to be awkward to explain. How could she possibly say she was a broken shell of her former self who didn’t have full control over their actions? There was no time to brainstorm a suitable response however, as Kenny explained his concerns further.

“…I’ve seen that look before. When we first got here, you looked like you were ready to tear Lee’s head off. I’ve gotta ask… What was that all about? Why?” Her arm stopped its cleaning duties. She couldn’t lie to him, not after the mess she’d made. The stain was taunting her; despite how hard her attempts to clear it were, it wasn’t fully coming off. It almost summed up her actions in this new timeline perfectly, especially the situation with Lee. She _tried_ to stop it, but…

“If I tell you, please don’t think anything bad of me… please?” It was personally shameful enough and her stomach became a pit of nerves at the thought of either him or Lee thinking of her as a problem. She couldn’t hide this broken nature forever, if they’re all going to stay together at the motel, she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she somehow put one of them in danger because they were unaware of her faults.

“Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. You can tell me, Clementine. You willingly saved my boy’s life twice now, there ain’t nothin’ that could make me think worse of you.” Clem took a deep breath and took a few seconds to prepare herself. Here goes nothing.

“Okay… So, I have uh… I have a… A p-problem.”

“A problem?”

“Yeah… It started a few days ago, around when this sickness started. But I only really noticed it yesterday on the farm… I…”

The words were stuck in her mouth. She looked up at Kenny who was listening intently, and she continued after he issued her a, “Go on…”

“I… If I’m being completely honest with you, Kenny… I-I can’t control myself sometimes… When you saw me nearly attacking Lee earlier, I just… Couldn’t stop it. And it’s all because of Lilly.”

“Couldn’t stop what? And why Lilly? Do you know her too?” He was sounding more intrigued when she brought up Lilly; this was a way for him to get answers to the questions she overheard him and Lee talking about. Their eye contact was broken upon Clem staring into his shirt after having difficulty thinking of a believable explanation.

“L-let’s just say something happened a few days ago, and she was involved. Please believe me when I say this… but when that thing happened, something broke inside me.” She looked up at him on the verge of tears after thinking about AJ’s death again. He looked shocked at the barebones story, but patiently waited for more. “And-and now… Whenever I think of Lilly, or those walkers that took everything from me…” Her tone became bitter momentarily but prevented herself from falling down the slippery slope into pure anger. Taking another heavy breath, she continued with, “Whenever I think of them, or see them, I just… I feel this rage slowly taking control. And when Lilly was arguing with you guys earlier on it just… reached a breaking point. That’s why I was going to attack Lee… I stopped myself before we came in here but…”

She closed her eyes upon feeling a single tear sliding down her cheek. She was desperate for someone to help, to get this madness out of her head. This was the furthest she’d gone with talking about her uncurable problems, but as embarrassing as it was, she couldn’t stop. The amount of times the two sat around the campfire outside Wellington listening to each other’s problems… It almost felt natural to confide in him. Opening her eyes, she stared straight into his soul as a cry for help. “I don’t know what to do! I’m terrified I might put you, or Lee, or Duck in danger and it’ll be all my fault. I don’t want this to happen to me anymore… Please help me, Kenny, please… I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Her pleas were directed straight through his pupils. It was selfish asking such a request to someone you’d supposedly just met, but right now she was desperately looking for a sign of the old Kenny. His eyes now in this younger state were the same as she’d grown to love, she just hoped they’d display care towards her now that she found so comforting in her times of need. She stood there scanning them for any change in emotion as he processed the information, but her hopes were too unrealistic, as the question she eventually received was soul-crushing.

“Clementine, you’re not… _dangerous,_ are you?” It was as if her biggest fears had come true. If he felt the need to question her, then a part of him must have believed it. Her mind switched off. Had he given up on her? She looked into the man whose expression was one of genuine interest. Like with his conversation with Lee, he didn’t possess any malicious intent, but it didn’t stop the accusation from breaking her spirits. She didn’t know how she felt. Betrayal? No, she couldn’t blame him, he was only putting his family first and needed to know if she’d pose a threat. Realising Kenny’s intentions made her understand that it wasn’t betrayal, but instead disappointment in herself. Any amount of excuses couldn’t prevent the fact that she herself was to blame for her actions, and ultimately, she alone let everyone down. She couldn’t keep running from her problems anymore, she had to start fighting it. And the first way to do so was right here in this restroom.

“Yes…” Finally admitting she was a danger to her loved ones opened the floodgates in her eyes. “I’m dangerous… That’s why I called myself a monster, okay? I’m a broken mess… I’ve been trying to hold it together but…” She didn’t want to keep lamenting the past which he could never understand but it was the truth. The temptation to reveal everything grew stronger every time they shared these moments. But without establishing a strong bond with any of them, there was no way they could ever trust her. To carry on confessing how unstable she was brought on the ever-present fear of abandonment, and a last-ditch effort to keep him on her side caused a sudden determination to inspire her into action. “I’d never ever hurt you. Please believe me… You, Duck, Katjaa, I’ll protect all of you, I swear… I know I might lose control, I know I’m a burden being sick everywhere, but I swear on my life I’d never hurt any of you! Please believe me… Just please…” Her voice was quickly losing confidence as it was drowning beneath her tears. Dropping the dirty paper, she pulled herself into his chest, ignoring the remnants of vomit clinging to his shirt. She had already lost him once, and all she could think about was losing him again, whether it was by death or simply walking away. “…Please don’t leave me… I’m begging you…”

She took a few seconds to brace herself for his response, but upon receiving none, she reluctantly looked up. She could never have anticipated the sight before her. Through her watery gaze, she saw Kenny with his mouth dangling open and tears of his own welling in a set of puffy red eyes. “Wha… Why are you crying?” She was stunned, seeing him cry was a rare sight but one she secretly wished to see more of.

Through a fragile voice, he said, “I… I don’t know…” He stood with his arms rooted to his sides, he seemed more unsure of his demeanour than she did. “Everything you said just… I’m not gonna lie, it was horrible listenin’ to you say that about yourself, I’m so sorry for askin’ that…” His face was full of guilt and he couldn’t match her gaze. “And then, when I regretted it most, you go on about protecting my family and I just… I couldn’t handle it. I don’t know what came over me, and I still don’t know why you’re doin’ all of this for us, but…” Her eyes went wide as an arm wrapped around her back and another on her cap. “Thank you… for sayin’ that. Really.” Silence flooded the restroom as a tear fell from her cheek. Clementine couldn’t believe it; she was under the impression he was scared of her but in actual fact it was quite the opposite. That made it twice he’d reinstated hope into her during a dark time. Whether this was a gift from the old Kenny or if it had nothing to do with it, she couldn’t be more grateful for his continued faith in her. “Fuck, look at what you’ve got me doin’…” he said in a humorous tone, “You’re really something, you know that, Clementine?”

A broad smile spread across her face as a gentle laugh escaped her lips. The look they shared was beaming with pride, and she felt inclined to give her perspective of their interaction. “How did we somehow manage to go from cleaning my sick from your shirt to this?”

He let out a small laugh of his own. “Ah shit! Forgot all about that. Uh you do realise you’re gettin’ it all over your jacket, right?” She pulled herself away and brushed herself off with a clean roll of toilet paper.

Looking at the spot he was referring to on his shirt, Clementine grabbed a new cleaner set of paper. “Guess I should get back to that, huh? Isn’t that what we came here to do anyways?”

“Yeah. Guess we’re slow workers.” The mood in the restroom was shining compared to its dull state a few minutes ago. Clem used the paper to wipe away her tears before getting back on track with her cleaning duty.

“Oh, and I wanted to ask a couple more things, if that’s alright.”

“Fire away.” She was sure nothing could ruin the mood now, or at the very least, sure she wouldn’t have a mental breakdown again.

“So, first of all, when you were wakin’ up a little while ago, you were acting the same as you did in the barn. This time you were asking someone to stay… and for their forgiveness. So, if you don’t mind me asking… Who’s AJ?” It seemed as if all her positivity was released with a single sigh. If there was one topic she couldn’t, but more importantly, didn’t want to talk about, it was him. “I mean, you called him _‘Goofball’,_ so I was just curious…”

Not wanting to force herself through another uncomfortable conversation, she said under her breath, “I don’t want to talk about it,” before dropping her head to the floor, muttering, “Sorry.”

Kenny seemed understanding to her reluctant. “No no, it’s alright. If it’s a sensitive subject I won’t ask again. Now-”

A deafening ringing rebounded off the walls. Panic filled the restroom as the two were startled by the sudden noise and were looking around manically to find its source. During the few seconds of confusion, it was then that Clem realised what had happened. “Shit! Lee’s gone into the pharmacy, we’ve gotta go!”

“That thing’s a goddamn dinner bell! Let’s go!” The two burst through the door to find the drug store in a state of chaos. Doug, Carley and Glenn were gawking at the shabby fortifications on the windows as the wood bounced back and forth. Lee and Lilly ran through the office door, with the latter immediately supplying Larry with a handful of pills. Kenny shot off to his frightened family by the drinks station, and Lee ran the opposite direction, shouting, “Clementine!” as he hurriedly checked in on her. “We got the pills, it’s time to go!”

With the ringing circulating a frenzy of nerves throughout the survivors, it didn’t take long for Kenny to take charge of the room. “I’m gonna get the truck pulled up ‘round back!”

“Do it fast, I’ve gotta get my dad outta here.”

“I don’t plan on dilly-dallying.” Lilly and Larry disappeared into the office, and Kenny turned his attention to everyone else while keeping a calm composure. “Honey, take Duck into the office and barricade the living hell out of the door behind me.” He gestured the two to the room who immediately took off for his directions. “Glenn, when you hear me honking in the alley, start getting people out of here!”

“You got it!”

“Doug, Carley and Lee, you guys make sure out defences stay up ‘til then. And Lee, I better take that axe in case I run into any of them on the way to my truck.”

“Here you go!” Lee tossed him the axe as scraping metal against a concrete floor screeched through the front entrance.

“Guys, that door’s not locked anymore!”

“Shit. You three get on it! I’ll get back as fast as I can! Clementine,” she stood idly by, confused on her role in the escape since she did nothing last time it happened, but her ears perked up upon hearing her name. “You’re out the back with me. While I’m getting the truck, you keep the exit clear of those things ‘til I get back. Let’s go!”

“Uh… Right!” She followed him through the office and out the back door. A cold gust of wind settled on her skin as she stepped outside, and Kenny didn’t hesitate in sprinting towards a back alley as a shortcut to his truck. Luckily, the majority of the walkers had gathered around the main entrance of the store, but a small number were scattered across the street heading in the same direction. She could hear Kenny commanding her to get to it, before vanishing beneath the shadows of the surrounding buildings.

Equipping her trusty screwdriver, she wasted no time in taking the few walkers head-on. She zigzagged across the street going from target to target. The body’s dropped like flies, making the various blood splatters look like steppingstones between each adjacent walkway. It was an easy enough job and she’d successfully cleared the scene. Glenn’s delivery car was parked nearby and the sound of an engine roaring in the distance made her realise the corpses could impede both vehicle’s paths, so wasted no time in dragging them off the road and onto the walkways. She was the drug store’s sole protector; her head shifted from side to side in rapid succession to make sure no walkers crept out of the shadows, and eventually a blue truck came to an abrupt stop a few feet away from her.

Kenny jumped out of the driver’s seat. “Good job, now get on! I’ll get the others.” She climbed aboard the cargo bed without a thought about her illness. Her mind was engaged on making sure Lee, Kenny, Katjaa and Duck all made is out safe and sound. The sight of Kenny returning through the door not even a minute later filled her with hope as the first set of survivors raced to the two vehicles. Kenny’s family settled into their truck as Glenn made a mad dash for his car parked behind, closely followed by Lilly, who looked like she was missing something. Her appearance unnerved the brunette, and she began doubting herself that this escape was going more smoothly than it seemed. Perhaps she was forgetting something as well. Wondering why no-one else was coming through the door, it suddenly hit her that Larry almost got Lee killed the last time. Her heart skipped a beat as Larry alone appeared through the door and marched towards Glenn’s car.

Knowing Kenny saved Lee the last time, she shrieked his name. The two appeared to share similar worries, as he didn’t even respond before rushing back into the drug store again. After freezing for a moment, she jumped off the truck herself, but before she made it to the doorway, it swung upon with Kenny making a beeline for the passenger seat. Lee’s figure appeared in his shadow, and she enjoyed a second of relief before hearing Kenny barking at them to get on. The two crashed into the cargo bed as steam from the spinning tires was the green flag for a reckless getaway.

The truck span around to retreat through the alley it arrived through and the group were officially on their way to the motor inn. The sudden 180 threw Clem and Lee to the side of the truck which was the catalyst for her stomach to lose its strength. Trying her best to ignore the oncoming nausea, she noticed Lee bringing a hand to his face. “Hey, Lee, are you okay?”

“Agh… I’m fine. That fucker knocked me flat.” So even in this timeline Larry tried to kill Lee. She made a mental note to personally make him pay for the attempt at murder at some point down the line. She was happy to see him make it out, but it didn’t last long as the car hit a variety of bumps in the road. The fast movements around her brought upon a dizziness she couldn’t simply ignore, and the first sense of fire was being ignited in her stomach.

Finally arriving at the moment she’d been dreading half the day, she clenched her arms around abdomen as the previous fear she’d experienced unfolded itself upon her in a matter of seconds. Like she stated earlier, every time she’d been sick the pain had gotten even more cruel, and now she was about to experience the worst one so far. It was the final price to pay in order to achieve peace at the motor inn. “Lee…”

He removed the hand from his face and understood the situation instantly. Turning himself around, he placed a hand on her right shoulder and tried to sooth the terrified teenager he was facing. “It’s gonna be alright, Clem, okay? I’m gonna be here with you. Can you… can you hold it in? At all?” She shook her head and her stomach interpreted that as permission to begin its heartless torture. The truck hit another bump which caused her to gag. The wildfire was in full effect, and Clementine dragged herself to the rear end of the truck where she propped her body shoulders-up over the side. She shut her eyes and clenched her teeth. No amounts of preparation could have readied her for any one of her vomiting rounds, and this was no different. Feeling a hand on her back, she cringed at every heartbeat, with each thump against her chest lighting the fuse on her stomach’s cannon. Feeling the first shot rising, she automatically gagged again and waited for the wildfire to spread to her throat. _Here it comes…_

“…”

But nothing came out. She managed to inhale sharply before the urge to vomit took control again, but despite how strongly this feeling was, her stomach’s hellish potion refused to release itself. The blood circulating from the organ spread the intense heat throughout her entire body where she began to sweat. _What? What’s happening? Why won’t it come out!_ She tried to force it out herself, but no matter how hard she tried, no progress was being made. Her stomach was already engulfed in flames, and the longer whatever was brewing down there stayed inside, the hotter it was getting. It had never been this bad before, she was stuck in an endless cycle of ineffective gags that used up her body’s strength in its pointless endeavour. She collapsed on her arms and fell back into the truck, desperately trying to breath beneath the wildfire’s smoke.

“Jesus, Clem!” Lee looked truly horrified. There was nothing he could do, and although she was well aware of this, she couldn’t stop herself from begging for help.

_“Make it stop… Just make it stop…”_ that was all she could manage before the pain was becoming unbearable. The gagging slowed but it only increased her stomach’s firepower. Lying on the truck’s bed, she curled into a ball with her arms applying strong amounts of pressure to her abdomen in a fruitless attempt to ease the pain. Nothing was working, and the sounds of the wind and cars began blending into one. Slipping into unconsciousness was on the horizon, but before she completely lost touch of her senses, she could hear Lee panicking above her as she closed her eyes.

“Clem! Fuck,” she could make out a faint banging behind the source of his voice, “Kenny! Stop the truck! You gotta stop! Clem’s…” the power vanished from his shouts as Clementine lost the will to listen. The sounds of her surroundings soon fell to darkness, and so too did her mind as she couldn’t hold on any longer. The increasing pain won yet again, and she finally passed out.

***

“…no problem. We have to take care of each other.”

“Yeah, we do.” Clementine delicately opened her eyes to the sight of the motor inn. She was still in the back of the truck and stood before her were Kenny and Lee engaged in a firm handshake. In the drowsy state that she was, she weakly concentrated on her hearing to understand their conversation. The more the world around her became clearer, the heavier her body felt against the cold metal as she lay in the same position she’d passed out in.

“Don’t go worrying all by yourself.”

“Shit man, what’s there not to worry about now?”

“With Clementine, I mean. Earlier, you said you weren’t sure if you could help her. I just want you to know that I look at you, and I see the type of guy who makes the best of a bad situation. We’ll all do our part; just remember you aren’t alone on this. That girl’s gonna be just fine.”

“Thanks, Kenny.”

“You got it.” Throughout their talk, a mild headache grew that countered the cool sting of the truck against her right cheek. She saw Kenny making his way back to the truck after using both hands to hold herself up, and it didn’t take him long to notice she was awake. “Speak of the devil. She’s up, Lee.” Before long, both men had crowded around her before Kenny muttered under his breath, “Damn, it’s still bleeding,” and handed her a piece of paper towel. Wondering what he was referring to, she looked down to see blood splashing between her fingers with the source coming from her nose.

Blocking the dripping blood with the towel, Lee informed her, “I saw it bleeding just before you passed out. I got Kenny to stop the truck but we didn’t have anything on us at the time and couldn’t get it to stop. You went through hell and back getting here… How are you holding up, Clementine?”

Squeezing her nose to stop the blood flow, she replied through a nasally voice, “Like shit. But I guess that’s normal now…” She took a moment to absorb the area around her. “We’re here… We’re _finally_ here. That’s all that matters.” And after breathing a loud sigh of relief, a faint smile formed on her lips as she tilted her head back, saying, _“Thank God for that…”_

“Yeah, I think you out of all people deserve a good night’s rest.” Kenny gave her a comforting smile as Lee was quick to agree.

“Heh. You’re right about that.” All she wanted to do now was climb into a bed and heal her breaking body, but there was something on her mind she needed them to know.

“Guys?”

“What’s up, Clem?” Lee looked instantly worried thanks to her record of needing help every minute, and it only made her appreciate the work he was putting in for her even more.

“I just wanted to say… Thank you. Both of you.” She moved herself to the end of the truck closer to where they stood. Crossing her legs, she stuck the crumpled paper towel up the still bleeding side of her nose so to unblock the other, allowing her to speak in a much clearer voice. “I wouldn’t have made it here without you guys. I know I’ve caused more than a few problems for both of you, so thanks for not giving up on me. You don’t understand how much I owe you both…” The last part referred to the previous, and current timeline. Her appreciation for them radiated from her gleaming eyes as her speech spread positivity among both men.

“Aw, don’t mention it Clem. We have to look out for each other, right Kenny?” Lee displayed a proud grin as the man opposite mirrored his expression.

“Yeah, we do.” They enjoyed a brief laugh between them as they made a perfect rendition of their last conversation with the roles reversed. “So, anyone got their eye on a room? No-one’s picked yet, so it’s first come, first serve.”

Clementine immediately spoke up in a humorous tone. “I don’t care which one I get, as long as it’s on the ground!” With the car ride getting here hopefully the last she’d have to suffer for a while, she could finally laugh at the difficult journey she’d endured for the past few days.

Kenny seemed to take the joke in good spirit and chimed in with, “Yeah, I don’t want to wake up one morning to get drenched in sick again”. She still felt guilty about the matter but seeing the pair in front laugh together was something she’d missed for almost a decade. Shaking her head with a wide smile, she looked around to see everyone else who made it to the motor inn. Glenn was missing, though that was to be expected since he didn’t stick around the last time, but his absence alone didn’t suggest why the group’s numbers felt so small. Doug didn’t make it out of the drug store previously so she didn’t hold high hopes for him, Katjaa and Duck who were rummaging through various boxes, Lilly was attending to the pile of walker corpses, Larry was leaning in the distance on a balcony support, herself, Kenny and Lee were right here, and that just left…

“Hey, where’s Carley? …Or even Doug?”

Lee’s mood went downhill fast upon hearing her question. He sighed, but eventually gave her a blunt answer. “They didn’t make it.”

“What?” She gasped in her response. Clementine knew Carley as a survivor; among the motel group, her shooting skills were unparalleled, and she’d gotten herself out of tricky situation more than once. The troubled teen was almost devastated at the news. She loved having Carley around, the woman was so caring towards her during their three months’ stay at the motel but now she wouldn’t get the chance to enjoy their interactions this time around. What could’ve possibly happened for Carley to not make it out?

“Those things – what do you call them? Walkers? They got through the windows and I was stuck holding the main door closed. Glenn ran off beforehand to help Katjaa with something, and that’s when they were both grabbed at the same time. I couldn’t get anything to brace the door… And because of that, I could only watch as Doug was pulled through a window and Carley was dragged to the floor… I barely got out myself. I could’ve saved them.”

_Wait…_ She realised something upon hearing how it happened. _He couldn’t find anything to brace the door… **I** found and used his dad’s cane the last time. So, does that mean Carley’s dead… because of me?_ It made sense, if she were there, Lee would’ve been able to help Carley. Even worse, if she were there in her current form instead of the scared eight-year-old she once was, Doug could’ve been saved too. It was just a simple case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It made her feel disappointed in herself, but she wouldn’t allow Lee to blame himself over their deaths. “You can’t save everyone, Lee. Trust me. This is just what happens sometimes. I know you did your best.”

“I don’t know…” He was unsure of how to react to the support, that was just the type of guy she knew him to be. Unless he made sure that everything went perfectly according to plan, he always arrived at blaming himself.

“Well if it makes you feel any better, you holding up our defences made sure everyone else got out alright. That’s gotta count for something.” Kenny joined in trying to make him feel better, but he only shrugged in response. Trying to lighten the mood, Kenny brought attention to their current situation as gunshots and a tank could scarcely be heard over the nearby forest. “I hope that’s the sound of us winning this thing! You know, this motor inn’s pretty damn defendable. We block off the entrances with some cars and keep someone on watch and we could stay here until the military rolls through.”

“Don’t get your hopes up about the military… But yeah, we should stay here.” She didn’t want to break his enthusiasm, but it was better than him living in false hope. Covering her face with her hands, she accidentally knocked the paper towel from her nose to find it was still bleeding. The sight of her own blood reminded her off the trouble she went through just to be able to sit the truck at this very moment, and beneath the shield blocking her vision from the outside world, she let out, “And it only took a few _long_, painful days…” beneath her breath. Thankfully, her guardians didn’t hear that last part, and they continued feeling hopeful.

“Yeah, it’s not so bad here.”

“We’ve got beds, we’ve got water and most importantly, we’ve got light.” He looked up towards the motel’s glowing entrance sign, and Clementine couldn’t help but think about how dangerous it with how easily it could draw walkers to the motel. Luckily, she didn’t have to worry about that for much longer. “There are worse places to call home.” And if on cue, the lights on the surrounding streetlamps vanished one after another like dominoes.

_Welp. Here’s to a new life. A new day. A new beginning. I swear, AJ, I won’t let you down again. That’s a promise._ Finishing her inner monologue, she watched almost in amusement as Kenny and Lee were looking around nervously, before the man who was placed the light so high on his priority list realised life wasn’t about to be so easy.

“Oh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, 'A New Day' is finished. Clem can finally start recovering and making plans, but who knows if things will go smoother just because she's older. How were the chapters? Let us know if you enjoyed them or if you can think of any improvements. You don't know how satisfying it is to finally get these last two released lol


	9. To Live In A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clementine begins to truly appreciate the comfort her dreams provide, but it's back to work as soon as she wakes up. The motel needs fortifying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE - If you enjoy this series, consider voting for it for the Best Fanfic on the r/TheWalkingDeadGame 2019 awards! Here's a link if you're interested https://reddit.com/r/TheWalkingDeadGame/comments/ehwmui/best_of_rthewalkingdeadgames_2019_awards/  
Now, back on topic...  
So it's a little shorter than usual but I didn't want to make it too long like I usually end up doing. This is kind of the set-up for the next phase in Clem's journey (and sorry if it's riddled with spelling/grammar errors, I may have wrote most of it in one sitting)

The first night at the motor inn. Her aching body rested on top of the bed’s covers; it was a strange sleeping habit brought on after many years of makeshift beds, but it was enough to provide the long-awaited peace. The groans of her battered stomach were silenced by a place free of any troubles, and it didn’t take long for Clementine to find herself slipping into the world of dreams. She was weightless; a far cry from the constant strain placed upon her shoulders for the past few days, and just being able be to escape into her mind away from it all was a luxury she revelled in.

Eager to put the day behind her and to see what her subconscious had prepared, her eyes leisurely opened as a gentle heat wrapped itself around her body. It didn’t take a second for her to recognise her surroundings. A small campfire burned bright against the midnight sky with the sound of crackling wood bringing a sense of calmness over her mind as she entered the scene. It was the power station. The angle her head was tilted, the coat covering her, there was no doubt about it.

Just as she was settling into the cosy environment, her thoughts were directed to the owner of the warm clothing. The last time she had this dream was on Hershel’s farm, and the memory of Lee and Kenny abandoning her caused a rush of panic to awaken her senses. Were they still here? It might have only been pretend, but these dreams felt more than real, and she couldn’t bear the thought of her companion’s dreamlike counterparts vanishing so suddenly. Her head jolted up to see the person whose lap it rested on. The brief panic was put to rest as the sight of Kenny and a baby AJ entered her vision, only something was slightly off. Regardless, her nerves escaped through a sigh of relief and she closed her eyes when her head returned to its temporary pillow. Here she was again, back with her family without a shred of the pain she’d gone to sleep under. She simply lay there, allowing her eyes to flutter upon the gentle campfire. For a few seconds, she did absolutely nothing, absorbing the serenity carried through the winter breeze. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling. The warmth, the people around her, it felt so good.

“Oh hey, Clem. You awake?” Her eyes were fixated on the flames as a soft voice drifted through the air. She quietly giggled at the irony of the question; her mood was almost the polar apposite from how it was back at the drug store.

“I’m not _awake_, but I’m here now. That’s all that matters…” Her voice trailed off as she snuggled closer to him. There was no danger, there was no pain, it was nothing short of perfect. It might have only been a dream but being with him and AJ like this made her feel a safety she couldn’t experience in the real world anymore. Looking up at her guardian again, she immediately realised what seemed off. “Kenny, what happened to your beard? And your hair… it’s so dark.” She was so used to envisioning him in his older form, the one she’d last seem him alive and well right before his death. But now, his almost fully greyed beard was missing, and he appeared just as he did outside of her dream.

“Dunno. Why, do you miss it?” He offered a comforting smile as he asked out of genuine interest. She would be lying to say she didn’t – it was present from the moment they were reunited at the ski lodge and its aged colours represented over a year of happy days they’d spent raising AJ together. Furthermore, she secretly loved the additional comfort it provided when they shared a hug, it was as if that beard was a part of him. So many great memories could be associated with it; she only now noticed that she was disheartened to see it gone, whether it be in the real world or in a dream.

Her voice was low as she returned her gaze to the campfire. “Kinda… Yeah.”

“Well, technically this is _your_ dream, Clementine. You could probably just give me one next time you come here. But I guess that means you’ve accepted it, huh?”

Wondering if this had anything to do with their previous dream conversations, she pressed him to explain. “’Accepted it’? What do you mean?”

“I mean the guy sleeping in a different room to you at that motor inn who’s back with his family is the same guy you’re talkin’ to now.” His eyes reflected the warm orange light of the fire. His _eyes_. Just like with his beard, his eye patch was no more. From the angle she looked up at him from the comfort of his right leg, the previously beaten left eye was a projector for the flourishing flames. The light cast upon it as they were matched in a compassionate gaze was a gateway to the hardships he endured, which was countered by the moonlight dawning upon the other. It was like looking at two sides of him. She lay there engrossed by the imagery painted across his face. Through his left eye she could see that it was still there - all of the times she’d took it upon herself to rebuild him, all of the grief they shared over countless deaths… In the orange tint that glazed over his brown iris could she see their campfire outside the gates of Wellington burning as strong as ever. And despite how much these flames refused to die, in the other eye was a sense of purity. It reflected the shining moon like a mirror, possessing no motives for spite, and it wasn’t cursed to burn the fuel of past mistakes. Each eye displayed a different story but were drawn together like magnets. This is who he was now. By going back in time, she hadn’t just given herself a second chance, she’d also offered one to Kenny even if his real counterpart would never know. He was right, through his eyes alone she could tell they were the same person, and this time she owed it him to do her absolute best to protect his heart from breaking again. It was the least she could do.

The moment she’d finished her inner monologue, Kenny seemed to directly respond. “Uh… Yeah… I wanted to touch on that, actually.” In this world of dreams, he’d already proven himself to be able to read her mind, so she didn’t react in shock as she had the first time it happened and instead patiently waited for him to continue. “You said some tear jerkin’ things yesterday… I just wanted to thank you again for saying you’d protect Kat and Duck the way you did.” The smile she received filled her with hope, she was so relieved that he still believed in her after the trouble she caused on the way to the motel. “I know it’s a bit weird comin’ from me, but you take care of them, okay? They deserve so much better… I know I can count on you, Clem.”

“I will.” Her reply was natural, when it came to Katjaa and Duck, she didn’t even have to think before the idea of protecting them became top priority. “I’ll do whatever it takes. They’ll be safe with me, I promise.” Kenny seemed more than satisfied with her assurance as his gaze lazily drifted back to the campfire. Crackling firewood became the soundtrack to the peaceful scene once again as the two shared a minute of silence. No words needed to be spoken, Clementine was simply incredibly grateful to be able to spend this time away from her real body. During the minute’s silence, she focused on the flow of air entering her nose and making its way through her lungs. A cooling sensation swept through her body and was most noticeable on the organ at the source of so much of her recent pain. Her stomach welcomed the coolant with open arms, the soothing stream passing through her scarred digestive system was nothing short of heavenly. Each breath added to the overwhelming sense of relief of her real body’s absent pain. It wasn’t here. She couldn’t stop tears from welling in her eyes as she took a moment to truly appreciate this gift of a dream. It was rare for her to cry tears of joy, but she didn’t let any escape as she took a deep breath and let out of loud sigh of relief. It caught the attention of Kenny, who immediately became worried about her.

“Hey… You doin’ alright? I’m sorry for what you’ve had to go through, darlin’. These last few days must’ve been hell on earth.” Even if she wasn’t a child anymore, she still loved being called ‘darling’ by him. Upon hearing the nickname, she curled herself closer beneath his jacket and closed her eyes.

“I don’t even want to think about it. Everything right now is just…” her voice gradually became quieter before whispering, “_perfect_…” as a broad smile spread across her face. “This feels so, _so_ good Kenny, you don’t understand. I can finally just… relax…” Fatigue was beginning to settle in, and she knew that meant the dream wouldn’t last much longer. She was determined to make every second count; not wanting to return to her real body just yet, she needed to concentrate on something to prevent the dream from collapsing, resulting in her subconscious ordering Kenny to strike up a conversation.

“So… is there anything you want to talk about?” His tone was almost robotic, but it did get her thinking about how these dreams of hers even worked. People had told her about lucid dreams so she just assumed she became really good at it, but the majority of the ones she had usually consisted of either being with Lee or Kenny, but their pretend-counterparts acted so differently from each other she felt compelled to ask about it.

“Um… Why do you act different to Lee? I mean, when it’s just the two of us here, you can read my mind or whatever, right? But when I’m on the train with him, he doesn’t do any of that so I’m just wondering why you can…” She wasn’t really sure where she was going with the question, and it felt particularly strange asking a part of your mind how it functions. Nevertheless, Kenny took it seriously where he took on a small smirk as his eyes were fixed on the campfire.

“He doesn’t do that? Heh. Amateur.” He sounded somewhat proud of himself and Clementine could only find his remark funny enough where she found herself giggling at the humorous answer. There was a moment of silence that followed, and the tiredness was creeping back, but it didn’t get far enough before Kenny decided to continue. “And uh… I can probably do all that stuff because I’ve had a lot of time to think. What else can I do while you and Lee sit on that train all day? Just to correct you on somethin’, you two aren’t alone on that train, and we aren’t alone in this power station.”

“Huh? What are you talking about? Wait, were you always on the train too?” She thought back to her most recent train dream the night of Ericson’s attack of the Delta boat. It was definitely only the two of them, right? Turns out she was wrong.

“Uh-huh. Who’d you think had to drive the damn thing?”

She looked at him with a mix of surprise and confusion. Now that she thought about it, the only person she saw other than Lee to drive the train was Kenny, so it would make sense if her mind automatically stuck him in the cab while the two spoke in the carriages. “Oh…” She didn’t know whether to feel guilty or plain stupid. “So… Does that mean Lee’s here?”

“Yup. Got him takin’ watch over by the fence.” Wondering if he was really here, she called out to him and before long he strolled around the transformer with a welcoming smile.

“Hey, sweet pea.”

She hadn’t heard that greeting in weeks. No matter the situation, it made her feel better every single time, and just as she opened her mouth to return the warm welcome, Kenny beat her to it. “Aw, thanks Lee!”

“Not you, dumbass.” Kenny burst out laughing to his reaction and Clementine soon found herself joining in. So it was true; even in their respective dreams, the two of them were still there finding a way to protect her. In Lee’s case, it was watching the hole in the fence to stop monsters from getting in, and in Kenny’s, it was driving the train so they could enjoy a safe ride. Scanning the man giving Kenny a scowl, she noticed he was also appeared as he currently did in the real world too. There wasn’t as big a difference since she only really knew him for around three months, but it was still an interesting observation to her.

Her laughter was short lived as it was overtaken by a deep yawn. As disappointing as it was to not have even a small conversation with Lee, she knew this world of peace was coming to an end. “Sorry guys, I-” she was cut off by another yawn causing her eyes to water, “…don’t think I can keep this up much longer.”

“No worries. It was nice seeing you, Clem.”

“Yeah, you too, Lee.” He gave her a quick wave before heading back to the hole in the fence. She readjusted herself beneath the jacket to get comfortable and was ready to head back to the real world. There was so much to do… Establish hunting parties, move furniture for defences, create a watch routine, organise runs into Macon, the list went on and on, but she’d deal with it then. Right now, even if it were just for another few seconds, she’d enjoy the peace to its fullest. The warmth of the jacket surrounded her as good as any blanket would, and her eyes fell upon the campfire as she watched it slowly fade to darkness. Just the sounds of the blowing wind and cracking firewood remained, but right before she could fall asleep, Kenny had one last thing to say. She couldn’t open her eyes to respond, and his words were the last sounds she could make out before drifting away.

“Protect them, Clem. Please… I’m counting on you.”

“I will, Kenny. I will…”

***

The morning sun shone through the gaps in her room’s curtains, Clementine opened her eyes to the dimly lit bed she’d crashed on the previous night. Rolling onto her back, she brought a hand to shield her eyes from the light as she immediately wanted to return to the dream. Her hand slid up to her forehead as a headache was awakening before she could come to her senses. It pulsed against her skull, demanding to get a few more hours of sleep, but sleeping in was a luxury exclusive to living at Ericson’s and no matter how much she may try to avoid it, eventually she’d have to start the day. Her dream had left her motivated to jump out of bed and command the motel into action, but now that she was actually here, the headache was making it sound quite unappealing.

Lying around in her room all day wouldn’t make any progress. She made a promise to protect Katjaa and Duck, and the best way to start would be acting as soon as possible. They wouldn’t be safe without walls. They’d all go hungry if they didn’t find food. With this in mind, she had to get out there. Bringing herself up to a sitting position at the left side of her bed closest to the window, she quickly brought a hand over her abdomen as it cried out in protest. The pain still lingered from the previous night, and now her muscles in accordance with her mind were demanding she went back to bed. She would’ve loved to take them up on the offer; the thoughts of relaxing back at the power station were becoming more inviting the more she realised how damaged her body currently was.

Her attempts to push herself off the bed were grinded to a halt at her abdomen’s outright refusal to strain itself; putting pressure on the area felt like she was being squeezed by a metal chain with the grip tightening the longer she defied it’s objections. She was firmly tied to the bed, where she shortly fell into a series of deep breathes as her small efforts to stand drained her stamina, that is, if she had any to begin with.

Great. Barely five minutes into the day and she already had a raging headache and couldn’t stand on her own two feet. Whatever she needed to tell the others, she was sure to make it fast. “No, fuck it. I can’t do anything like this. Go out there, tell them what to do, get back,” she muttered to herself. Was it possible to live in a dream? Taking a few day’s hibernation might be her best option; fully recovering from her bite took nearly a full month back at Ericson’s but now she was in much more inconvenient circumstances. It’s not like the motel was surrounded by solid brick walls and had a working hunting system. It was selfish, but she truly believed she could be of no use to the group in her condition other than giving directions. All she wanted was to lay in front of the campfire listening to the beautiful sound of crackling firewood and to not be plagued by this beaten body. Unfortunately, that would have to wait - she had a job to do. Hoping it wouldn’t take long, she readied to push herself off the bed once more before three knocks at the door caught her attention.

“Clementine? You awake?” It was Lee.

Her voice was laboured by the constant aches and pains, but said, “Come in,” to where Lee cautiously entered her room. She tried to stand so she could greet him properly and the result was a pained expression growing upon her face as she fell back to her sitting position.

Noticing her struggle, Lee rushed to her side and asked, “Woah, Clem, are-are you alright?”

“Well I… I can’t stand for starters.” Lee knelt down and gave a look full of sympathy. She appreciated his concern for her, but he was about to find out that she wasn’t finished. “And this headache’s killing me… So, uh, no. I’m not.”

“Jesus, I’m so sorry, Clem… I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

“Neither can I…” She thought back to what felt like only minutes ago when she felt so at peace in her dream. Going from perfect to terrible health in such a short space of time was something she wasn’t sure was possible, it only further increased her desire to escape back to the make-believe reality.

“Me and Lilly are rounding everyone up so we can talk about how to run this place, but maybe it’s best if you go back to bed for a little while.” She wished he hadn’t presented the offer to her, but she couldn’t allow herself to chicken out now. _If I’m not going to be helpful for anything else, then the least I can do is get this done. _

“No, no, I’ll be fine. Could you maybe help me up?”

“Sure, Clem. Here.” He offered his hands for support, and upon taking hold of them, she pushed herself up.

But little progress was made. “AHH!” She let out a shriek as she flopped back on to the bed. What felt like the chain squeezing her abdomen reacted harshly to the sudden pressure. The metal was burning, and it would come to no surprise if her organs were branded with the sequence of interlocked shapes.

“Shit! Clem, I’m sorry! Right, you’re definitely staying in bed!”

“I’m _not_ giving up now.” Sitting back up, determination was etched onto her face as she looked Lee straight in the eyes. This was becoming frustrating. She didn’t look forward to spending time at the motor inn to not even be able to walk out of her own room. All she had to do was a simple job, and the longer her body refused to act, the longer it couldn’t rest. “This is nothing. The journey here was worse. You’re gonna pick me up. Then, we’re gonna walk out of here. I’m going to tell all of you what the fuck to do, and _then_ I’m coming straight back so I can live in my dreams instead of this piece of shit body of mine. Sound good?” Lee was stunned by her rant, and noticing the silence he was giving her, she believed she may have gone a little overboard. With her gaze falling to the floor, she said, “Uh… sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so harsh… I’m just really sick of this shit, you know?”

Lee was completely understanding in his response. “It’s alright, Clem. After the last few days, I think you deserve to be.” He took a moment to internally debate the best method for getting her off the bed and settled on lifting her from the knees and back, and slowly allowing herself to drop on her own two feet. She winced at a spike of pain from landing on the ground, but it soon settled down to something manageable. As she steadied herself, Lee tried to lighten the mood. “Alright that wasn’t so bad. Well, if you’re making puns in a time like this, you’re good to join the debate outside. This isn’t gonna be fun…” He started making his way towards the door, but something he said filled her with confusion.

“Wait. ‘_Making puns_’? When did I do that?” He turned around with a grin but the more he explained himself the more it lost its enthusiasm.

“Oh. ‘Cus you said you were ‘sick’ of it, and you’ve been really sick… So I thought you were making a pun to… Uh… You know what? Nevermind. Let’s just go.” She wondered if the wordplay was entirely accidental or natural. _Oh god, Louis really did rub off on me…_

Taking a slow pace, sunlight flooded her vision as she exited the room which caused her headache to thump harder before she got used to the drastic change in lighting. Trying to ignore her pounding skull and the aching that came with every step, she joined Lee by the group gathered in a circle near the front of the RV. The pair received mixed reactions; Kenny’s family was full of worry as Larry was looking impatient. Everyone was present: Clementine, Lee, Kenny, Katjaa, Duck, Lilly, Larry. The group seemed so small without Carley…

Kenny was the first to speak up. “Hey, are you guys alright? We heard a scream…” All eyes shifted towards Clem. The truth was that she wasn’t but appearing like a weakling wouldn’t inspire confidence or get anyone to take her seriously.

“I’m…” She looked down at her right hand covering her stomach. It was a habit the others may associate with pain or nausea, but to her, her feelings weren’t as important as the task at hand. “I’m _fine_. Just… I’m going to make this quick, okay?”

“What do you mean you’ll ‘make this quick’?” Lilly gave her a suspicious glare, placing a hand on her hip.

Clementine closed her eyes; she didn’t want their troubled history to slow her down so took a deep breath to calm herself. A second later, her expression became deadly serious and she took on a commanding tone of voice as she surveyed the group. “First of all - defences. Larry, Kenny, Lee. Find and use any nearby cars or dumpsters to block the exits. If you need to, take any furniture out of the unused rooms to help with the wall. Fortifying this place is our top priority right now. Secondly-”

“Hold your horses, girly! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Of course Larry was quick to object. She’d guessed this would happen and wasn’t in the mood to argue over pointless topics like this.

She shot him a piercing glare, her voice was full of spite as she countered with, “_I’m making this quick._ Now shut up and listen.” Staring up at the RV, she continued her confident speech. “Secondly – watch. We’ll use the top of the RV as our watch post, people will take turns in shifts watching the treeline for danger. Do we have any weapons?” The brunette scanned the group who were mostly looking in shock, and Lilly answered upon meeting her gaze.

“I checked the empty rooms. There was a rifle in what looked like the reception.”

“Good. For now, Lilly you take the first shift. Take that rifle and a chair up with you and watch over the construction team. Thirdly-”

“And when did you start making the calls around here?” Lilly wasn’t pleased, previously she’d figured herself as the motel’s leader but here she was taking orders from a teenager. Again, Clementine wasn’t in the mood for objections.

“**_Thirdly_**.” She paused, taking another breath as to stay on track. “Food. Katjaa, round up all the food we have and search the rooms for anything left behind. You can take Duck with you, of course. We’ll have to make do with what we’ve got ‘till we’ve established hunting parties once the wall’s made good progress.” Now with Carley gone and without Mark showing up yet, she quickly thought of a potential group. Looking up at Lee, she continued her orders. “Lee, Kenny and I will be a part of the main hunting group. Lilly, be prepared to switch out with me if I can’t make it for whatever reason.”

She anticipated a handful of reactions from the group, but she was slightly surprised by the silence dawning over the motel. She looked around for any questions, but Lee and Kenny’s family were listening with full intent, albeit, with a common shock shared amongst their expressions. Lilly and Larry didn’t look too impressed, but she was relieved to know they were at least listening to her. Clearing her throat, she prepared to continue.

“…In addition to our food situation. There’s a stream that leads to a lake not far from the back of the motel. This is where we’ll get all our water. I’ll be setting up fish traps down the stream for extra meals.” Kenny’s eyes lit up at the suggestion.

“Hey, I can help with that! Catchin’ fish is my specialty,” he said somewhat proudly. She knew all about his history as a fisherman and was glad to have someone willingly offering to help.

She gave him a prideful smile. “Great! Then you can also help me carve some spears. I’m also going to set up a little space for spear fishing, so me and you’ll head down after the wall’s sorted and get to work.”

“I can get behind that.” Kenny returned the prideful look, seemingly eager to be able to do something related to his hobby. Clementine turned her attention back to the group, but before she could give further orders, Larry was dumbfounded at Kenny’s agreement.

“What the fuck is this!? You’re taking orders from this girl? Look at her, she can barely stand on her own two feet!” Kenny was furious, she could see him ready to start throwing insults at each other. Katjaa placed a hand on his arm causing him to hesitate, giving Clem enough time to jump in.

Her tone was sinister, her gaze was enough to strike fear into even a retired military veteran like Larry. “I’d be quiet if I were you, _Larry_. This next part concerns you greatly…” So far, she’d managed to power through it, but her growing frustration with Lilly’s family caused her headache to grow stronger again. Bringing her free hand over her forehead, she closed her eyes for a moment to stop the growing headache. The thumps were like earthquakes against her skull, they showed no signs of slowing down and she had to push on. Doing her best to regain her commanding presence, she continued after a short series of deep breaths. “The hunting party will also make runs into Macon. Obviously it’s full of walkers right now, but once it’s quieter the team will sweep the pharmacy for any medicine they can get their hands on, including your nitro-whateverthefuckthey’recalled-pills.”

Larry was brought to silence. Seeing his surprised expression was incredibly satisfying, and Clementine saw his lack of response as a means to carry on. “Of course, this is not limited to the pharmacy. We’ll search other stores for weapons and food at the same time. Lee, Kenny, that sound alright to you?” She received uncertain nods from both men which was good enough for her. “Good. That’s the main jobs out of the way. Katjaa, once you're finished rounding up the food, begin gathering any medical supplies we have together too. You’re the group’s medic. I know it’s not exactly the same as being a vet, but it’s closest thing we’ve got. I’ve stitched up my fair share of wounds, so I’ll help out where necessary. That all sound okay to you?”

The woman in question seemed anxious at the responsibility, but she soon became confident when looking down at her son. If Duck was hurt, Clem had no doubt in her mind Katjaa would be ready to help, so she needed the supplies at her convenience. “Yes, I can do that.”

“Good.” She wasn’t happy to admit it, but Lilly did a satisfactory job of handling rations last time so figured it made sense to give her the same job. “Lilly, once Katjaa’s finished you’ll be in charge of rations. Everyone gets two meals a day maximum. You’re free to distribute the proportions of each meal depending on how much we have left. Can you do that?”

Lilly’s face was painted in a scowl, but finding no reason to object, reluctantly replied, “Yes.” Clementine was more surprised than anyone that Lilly was even going along with her plans. She was silently thankfully that the group was acknowledging her, even if they didn’t end up entirely following her orders. As long as she inspired them into creating a safe enough home for the ones she cared about, that’s all that mattered. Just as she was about to finish up her speech, the headache returned in full force, causing quite curses to escape her lips. Bringing the hand to her forehead again, her legs were becoming unstable as her full attention was brought her throbbing mind.

“Clem, what’s wrong?” Lee’s hands gripped onto her shoulders out of worry. He’d seen how she could barely stand in her room, so was most likely preparing himself for her to collapse. Feeling herself slowly losing consciousness, she concentrated with her might to stay awake. She’d definitely overdone it this time. She was somewhat surprised she’d even managed to keep her composure for so long despite the growing pain in her head, luckily her abdomen had stopped its own pain inducing endeavours since standing still in the group’s circle. But one way or the other, her body’s cries for rest were becoming too tough to ignore and soon she’d find herself in the realm of dreams once again. Lee had deduced this by himself, and immediately sought to take action. “I think it’s time someone ordered you around, Clem. Come on, let’s get you back to your bed.”

She couldn’t lie. “That sounds… amazing, right now. I think I’ve said… everything… Fuck…” She fell into a set of deep breaths again as her headache induced a wave of fatigue in an attempt at forcing her to sleep.

“Come on, Clem. Let’s go. If I was you right now, I think I’d want to live in my dreams too…” He turned her around and lightly pushed her back to her room. Each step she took was a growing invitation to speed up the process by simply fainting on the spot, and just as her grip on her conscious was letting go, it was forced to hold on a little longer as Larry erupted from his spot.

“WHAT? You’re joking! She gives us all this work to do while she goes and has a goddamn NAP?” The motel exploded into an argument between Larry and Kenny, and she could make out Lee joining in now and then as well, but she couldn’t focus on it. Her eyes were fixated on the back and forth of each of her legs as she trudged back to her room. It was directly behind the RV, she’d picked the corner room next to the staircase leading to the second floor because it was closest to a backup escape plan that was the fence surrounding that corner of the motel. It also allowed her to track any movement if anyone picked a room for sleeping or supplies storage above, so her decision was mostly made from practical reasons. All she could think about as the floor below changed from the car park to the room’s carpet was Lee trying to say something to her, before crashing face first into her pillow. Everything went black.

She almost begged to be put straight back into where she left off at the power station. It was the only thing on her mind the moment she woke up, and now she had the chance again to experience the perfect escape if her mind were to be so kind. It was only morning, but she was prepared to sleep through the rest of the day if it meant avoiding all the ways the world found to torment her.

She could feel a floor beneath her, her eyes were closed, and she was hesitant to open them in case this turned out to be another nightmare. _Please… Please let it be what I think it is_. She wasn’t currently in any pain, so that was a good starting point. Moment of truth. Her vision blended from black to orange as a campfire greeted her with a comforting warmth. The sight filled her with hope, and her neck darted upright to find Kenny cradling a baby AJ with the former noticing her instantly.

“Oh hey, Clem. Back already?” He looked a little surprised at her sudden return, but this was confirmation that there was no danger as far as the eye could see, and she could peacefully enjoy however long the dream would last with ease. She couldn’t help but let out a victorious, “_Yes_!” in knowing she could for once spend the rest of the day in happiness. After the rough days she’s had in this new timeline, she deserved to find at least some moments of joy, right? She set out to complete a task and she got the job done, now all that was left was to reap the rewards. And that was Clementine’s first day at the motor inn. It was short-lived, but she slept knowing Lee would take her orders in stride and make it a better place for all of them. And with that, Clem was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life at the motel hasn't gotten off to a great start, but everything's uphill from here on, right?


	10. The Fallen Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the wall taking shape, the motel group has their evening meal. When one member doesn't turn up, nobody's brave enough to disturb them and the task falls on Lee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boss Fight: Waking Clementine. This is the first POV swap of the story where we step into the shoes of Clem's original guardian, Lee! For this chapter, I just wanted to sit our characters down and talk about what's on their minds after the events thus far.

Metal screeched against the concrete. This was the third dumpster to be used in blocking the gaps in the motel’s wall; following Clementine’s orders, they’d been moving dumpsters, cars, and furniture all day. The wall was starting to take shape, and with only a few more pushes would it become safe enough to let the group sleep safely at night. The rotten smell from inside the garbage container made each step more laborious. Lee’s tired muscles yearned for a break in response to the foul odour, so he stopped to take a breather. Needless to say, his fortifying partner wasn’t impressed by his lack of stamina as evidenced by an annoyed sigh.

“Will you just push the damn dumpster?” Lee was expecting such a reaction from Larry, they’d only known each other for two days but his short temper was something everyone at the motel was growing to dislike.

Not having the energy to argue, Lee said, “Sorry, I just haven’t eaten anything for a while.”

“Yeah, well neither have I! Doesn’t mean I’m being a fucking pansy about it.” Lee only shook his head in response. With all of the action surrounding Hershel’s farm, the drug store, and his constant worrying about the misfortunate girl he’d just met, the need to eat hadn’t really come to mind, but moving such heavy objects in order to build a wall highlighted just how hungry he really was. He looked over the dumpster and towards Lilly, wondering how much of the rations she might have allocated his meal. Knowing he wouldn’t get anything until the wall’s gap was filled, he refocused on the task and the pair began pushing again.

The metallic screeching eventually came to an end, meaning the group’s endeavourers to create a functioning wall were over. Well, between the now closed-off entrance and exit of the motel was only a waist-high barrier of bricks, but Lee hoped the monsters – or _walkers_ if he was going off Clementine’s terminology – weren’t smart enough to figure out how to climb anything. As he wiped the sweat from his forehead, out of the corner of his eye Lee noticed Kenny in the car park approaching the pair from behind a bookshelf.

He looked to be struggling moving the furniture by himself, causing Lee to ask, “Need a hand with that?”

Through the grunts that came with each push, Kenny was quick to respond with, “Nah, I got it.” He tipped the bookshelf against the wall so it leaned against the recently positioned dumpster. “There!” He was panting heavily. “That should stop those things from squeezing between the cracks. Now, when do we eat? I’m starved!” With Kenny and Lee on the same page, the latter called up to Lilly, informing her they were finished for the night. She’d taken a break from watch to organise the rations. Standing around the table full of food, she noticed the wall’s progressed and happily invited the trio over for their food.

“Good work guys. You can come on over and get your meal, I’ve just finished sorting them out.” That was good enough for Kenny, who grinned beneath his admittedly impressive moustache and was already making his way over to the food gathering. Lee was keen to join and pushed the dumpster gate open to return inside the motel’s walls but was stopped as he took his first step.

“Lee, we need to talk for a second.” After their verbal fight at the drug store, Lee wasn’t looking forward to this. He turned to face Larry, who was already giving him an accusing glare.

“What do you want?”

“You like my daughter?” Lee took a moment to think of a suitable response. So far, the only thing he knew about Lilly was that she wanted to leave him, Clementine, and Kenny’s family to die on the streets of Macon. Though he couldn’t deny that she - willingly or not - accepted and followed Clem’s orders, and was about to give him his only source of food for the day. So, with that in mind, he tried to give Larry a neutral viewpoint.

“She’s fine.”

Larry crossed his arms; his words were injected with poison. “Fine, huh? Well just fuck you, Lee Everett.” Nerves crept into his stomach at the sound of his own name. There was only two ways someone like Larry could know him, it was either for his teaching up at UGA, or… “That’s right. I know who you are, and I know you’re a killer. And you go near my daughter or step out of line _once_… Then so will everyone else.” Larry took a step closer as Lee shot him a scowl. “I know who you are. And I don’t give a shit about what happens to you! But if anything happens to my daughter… _Hmph_. You watch your ass.” And with that, Larry stormed through the gate leaving Lee to carefully consider his threats. He wasn’t going to let Larry take advantage of him, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t unnerved at the thought of his past becoming public. In a way, this apocalypse couldn’t have happened at a better time. It was a chance to start anew, to sweep his past under the rug, but with Larry around, that hope might become more difficult to follow.

A rumble from his stomach brought him back to the current situation, the desire to eat was certainly more interesting than anything Larry had to say. The man in question had already grabbed his rations and sat on a couch near the RV. Lee went to join Lilly and Kenny, who’d gathered Katjaa and Duck around the table.

“Oh man, I’m _so_ hungry!” Duck was jumping with joy at the sight of the various cans in front of him.

“Settle down, Duck. Don’t make yourself hungrier.” Katjaa attempted to calm her son down to no avail, his wide eyes were glued to collection of food as if it were a shrine.

Lilly ignored his enthusiasm and took charge of the crowd. “We have a good amount to last us at least a few days. Since it’s the first day, everyone gets a can.”

“Yeah! I want that one!” Duck was quick to point out his choice. Who knows whether he was choosing based on the actual food or the design of the cans, but Lilly didn’t stop him from taking one before he darted off to a piece of cardboard he’d been colouring on. Lee was somewhat impressed by the kid’s energy; the kaleidoscope of warm yellows and oranges cascading upon the evening sunset was enough to make anybody feel tired, especially after having to move heavy furniture all day. Knowing Duck, he’d probably managed to wear himself out just as much as the group’s builders just by being himself.

Considering his son’s antics as normal, Kenny was keen to claim a meal of his own. “I’ll never understand where he gets that energy from, I swear… Ah well. Let’s get to pickin’.” Lilly had already sectioned off a can of her own, and that left the three to pick at random. Lee held in his hands canned beef – fully cooked and ready to be eaten. It was perfect after a hard day’s work. Satisfied with his choice, his attention was brought to a lone can of fruit sitting at the centre of the table. It seemed everyone else shared the same interest, leading Kenny to ask Lilly, “Uh, do we just have a spare here? Or…” He trailed off as she seemed reluctant to answer. 

Sighing, her answer was short as her eyes traced the rooms of the motel until they reached a destination where they stopped. “No.” Lee, Kenny, and Katjaa’s gaze all trailed behind Lilly’s until they understood the meaning behind her answer. All eyes were on Clementine’s room. Everyone could sense it was emitted a dark aura, the closed curtains sent a strict message to stay away at all costs. The shadow of the balcony loomed over the doorframe warding off the falling sunlight to create a designated line between where only the bravest of the group members would dare to tread. Throughout the day, her speech hung in the air surrounding the motel with her rage ready to smite anyone who chose to disobey. In truth, a small part of the reason they’d all agreed to follow her plan (including Lilly and Larry) was because other than the fact that nobody else suggested new ideas, they were simply fearful of what would happen if she woke up to find anyone slacking. They’d all seen what she was capable of back at the drug store and some had even seen her actions on Hershel’s farm, so as much as it disheartened Lee to share these concerns, he couldn’t help but fall into the crowd’s general opinion of her current state.

Did this mean they saw her as some kind of leader? Lee found himself questioning the group’s views on her as it seemed like a plague of sudden nerves were infecting the four stood around the table. Lilly was staring at the lone can, Katjaa couldn’t bring herself to look at the door any longer, and Kenny was lost in a world of his own thoughts. Nobody knew what to say. The distant call of an owl echoing through the forest was the only sound to be heard as the four waited for someone to speak up. They all looked at one another, silently questioning who would be the one to go, but all eyes inevitably fell upon Lee. Looks like he was nominated. “…Shit.”

“You’re uh… protecting her, right? So maybe you should be the one to go…” Kenny’s awkward attempts to explain his reasons didn’t make Lee feel any better.

“What happened to, ‘We’ll all do our part’?” He was visibly frustrated by the man’s reluctance to help after referencing the talk they had the previous night.

“Well… I just think that if someone’s gotta do this-”

“What? Are you scared of her?” He’d hit the nail on the head with that one. Kenny’s face was riddled with surprise, and he couldn’t match Lee’s sharp gaze.

He paused for a moment, but under a shy voice he replied, “No, it’s just… Did you see the way she looked at Larry earlier? I don’t know about you, but I saw knives in those eyes, man. She’s not in the mood for any kinda bullshit; we haven’t heard a peep out of her all day so who knows if she’ll take kindly to us interrupting her beauty sleep.” Kenny’s eyes fell to the floor, almost in shame. Lee opened his mouth to retort why that nominated him to go but was shocked by how anxious his next words seemed. “I just don’t want that look to fall on me.” Even Katjaa was confused by his sudden change in attitude. Back at the drug store, he jumped at the opportunity to defend her or help wherever possible, so why was he acting this way? _Does he know something I don’t? What the hell happened when I was getting the keys for the pharmacy? I’ll have to ask him later. _

He couldn’t dismiss his concerns however, Lee knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of one of her death stares, and it almost resulted in a screwdriver meeting the side of his neck. It was one of the most terrifying things he’d ever witnessed, and it came from just a normal teenage girl. But he knew as well as anyone, that Clementine certainly couldn’t be considered ‘normal’ at this point. She was unlike any other girl he’d ever known… There was a look in her eyes even when she was happy that showed years of suffering. It must’ve been obvious to the rest of the group too. Whenever he saw the scars carved around her amber eyes, he couldn’t help but wonder how they came to be. She was always so hesitant to speak about her past, or even why she took such a liking to himself or Kenny, and it only made the former more curious with each question raised.

Sighing, he decided this was clearly something he’d have to do himself. Taking the canned fruit, he gulped as the group’s eyes tracked him like hawks. Even Larry in the distance was taking notice. Each step he took towards the door sent spikes of nerves to his stomach and he couldn’t fully understand why he felt this way. It might’ve been because of Kenny’s statement, but regardless of their source, he had to believe in Clementine, and that he was getting worked up over nothing. He was bringing her something to eat, she surely had to appreciate that, right? His doubts were complemented by the gust of wind sending a shiver down his spine as he stood before her room. He glanced to the window showcasing the curtains that displayed no signs of movement over the course of the day. Everything in his body advised him to head their warning, to let her handle her sickness at her own pace. No, this had to be done. She was growing incredibly weak by the time they arrived here; Lee knew it was for her own benefit that she needed to eat. Even if she didn’t want to, he’d at least hope she’d consider the offer.

Darkness. Twisting the doorknob revealed a pitch-black room as Lee pushed the door only a finger’s width in. Even if she was sleeping, Lee couldn’t shake the unnerving feeling he got from the eery silence. He took a step inside, holding the door open with his left hand. The dim light from the open door illuminated only half the room, but it was enough to easily make out the troubled teen and the bed she lay on. Before making any detailed observations, he propped the door open with a chair and opened the curtains on a smaller window located at the other side of the room before returning to close the door. He didn’t want anyone else to disturb her, and the delicate stream of light from a small window wouldn’t be enough to strain her eyes upon waking up. He wasn’t sure why that last part mattered so much to him, but as Kenny once said, he was going to make the best of a bad situation.

He stood awkwardly before Clementine’s bed, unsure of what to do. Her body was curled to the side facing away from the door, her hands resting idly before her face. It was then that Lee picked up on her strange sleeping habits: firstly, she was asleep on top of the bed’s comforter instead of beneath it, and secondly, she was fully dressed, even her hat was still in place.

He scratched the back of his neck as he questioned how she would react to being awoken. Kenny’s instincts might’ve been right; after the way she commanded the group earlier there was no telling what kind of mood she was in. For all he knew, she could be sleeping with the screwdriver in grabbing distance and he did not want to go through the incident from his parent’s store again.

_What!?_ Fear clawed at the back of his mind as the memory of almost being attacked played like a broken record. The way she roared at him… The walkers were extremely dangerous, but he never truly feared for his life at any point until he heard that single word. If she hadn’t calmed down so quickly, he knew she would’ve had the power to kill him without a second thought. Sweat trickled down his forehead; out of all the people he could’ve stumbled across on that first day it just had to be someone like her. He was beginning to realise the potential of how dangerous she could be if things got out of hand, but despite giving himself such a difficult job in protecting her, he didn’t regret it one bit. There was something about her that struck a chord within the depths of his heart; the sensation was unexplainable. Other than his blood relatives, he’d never experienced such an inclination to protect something like the girl who lay in front of him, and as with the other many mysteries surrounding her, he had no answers as to why. Still unsure of how to wake her, he took a step closer to the bed, hoping that whatever bond they’d formed would be enough to spare him from a violent lecture.

To his great relief, looking down to her face relieved Lee of any built-up nerves. Beneath the shadows of the iconic cap could he tell that she was smiling, and Lee couldn’t help but match her peaceful expression. The sight caught him completely off-guard. He’d never seen her this way before; she was always ready for a fight, no matter how much pain she had to endure. But here… She looked so innocent. It was the complete opposite of the image portrayed by her blood-stained outfit. She was an angel in the devil’s clothing. Lee couldn’t help but feel comforted by the sight before him. To see her so relaxed after everything she’s gone through the last few days was almost rewarding. It made him feel like coming here was worth it; he knew better than anyone how much of a break she deserved.

_Just look at that smile…_ He couldn’t help but feel mesmerised by her genuine happiness in whatever dream she was having. To go from the commanding speech she gave earlier, from all the pain she marched through just so she could stand before them… _Man, she wasn’t kidding when she said she wanted to live in her dreams. Wherever she is now must be a hell of a lot better than here…_ He looked down at the can of food in his hand. It almost felt wrong that he had to go and wake her.

Taking another glance at her angelic expression, Lee took note of the tiny pool of blood dripping onto the pillow. Her nose was bleeding again. On the room’s only chest of drawers lay a box of tissues, and Lee took a handful in order to clean it for her. In a way, it only made him appreciate her tranquil appearance even more; she was still suffering even now, but it didn’t stop her from finding a moment of peace. He knelt beside her and brought the tissue to the pillow. The blood had dried and was barely smudging against the material, meaning it must’ve been bleeding for hours now, making him feel guilty that no-one bothered to check on her sooner.

Making no progress with cleaning the pillow, his eyes were drawn to the source, where a fresh stream of blood trickled down her skin. He hated seeing her in constant pain, and wanting to not be completely useless here, delicately wiped the mess from her nose. When it came to Clementine, no matter how small the detail may be, he felt an obligation to aid her. A nosebleed like this was a pebble amid a war-torn beach. Compared to the unsightly battle she constantly faced against her horrific illness, this seemed so… normal. The road they’d not-long travelled together had led to a point where the former history professor found relief in the brunette suffering only minor injuries compared to what he had come to consider the norm. The paper towel wrapped around his finger was plastered in the girl’s blood, taunting him as it shone in the rays of the rising moonlight from the window. It was a reminder that this post-apocalyptic world would provide greater challenges every time the sun rose in the morning, but none greater than the one lay before him. They were tied together through the loss of their families. Lee was a wandering spirit, looking for a role to call his own, and taking care of Clementine - the only person he could relate to with their family’s fate – seemed to provide him the drive he was looking for. At the very least, it was the right thing to do. To his surprise, his cleaning duties hadn’t woken her up, and there wasn’t even a sign of the slightest reaction from her body.

_Wow, she’s in a really deep sleep..._ Lee pulled the wooden chair used to initially hold the door open over to the side of the bed she was facing and mentally prepared himself for waking her up. _Here goes nothing._ Clearing his throat, he started with a quiet, “Clem?” No reaction. He tried again, only slightly raising his voice. Still nothing. The nerves he’d previously dismissed were beginning to settle in as he wondered if something was wrong. Dragging the chair closer, he gently shook her left shoulder, anxiously saying, “Clem? Clem, wake up. It’s me, Lee.”

_“Hmmmmhmmm…”_ Her smile faded as a long groan escaped her throat. It was almost depressing seeing her happy expression fall, but it didn’t stop Lee from breathing a sigh of relief at her reaction. He continued gently shaking her shoulder, repeating that it was him waking her up. Her groans became louder, but eventually he finally got her to speak, even if she didn’t open her eyes to do so. _“…Lee?”_

“Yes, I’m right here, Clem. You mind waking up for me?”

Seemingly ignoring his request, her voice was barely raised above a whisper as she said in a soft, sleepy voice, _“…I thought you were on watch…”_ His instructions for the day were clear – he was part of the hunting group and those who would build the wall in the first set of days, at no point did she mention he was part of the watch routine. He became worried of the possibility that he may have misinterpreted her speech and began explaining himself to try and not upset her.

“Uh, I was working on the wall all day like you said, so… I haven’t been on watch.”

_“The wall?”_ She returned to silence for a moment. Lee wondered if this meant he should explain the progress they’d made, but before he could, her dreamy voice continued with, _“Why are you working on a wall...? The fence has got us covered…”_

There was no fence surrounding the motel, so Lee was left more than confused by her question. That was his one job for the day – to work on the wall. She was the one who gave the order, and now she was wondering why? It didn’t make any sense. With her refusal to open her eyes and the passive tone of her voice, Lee began debating the possibility that she was still dreaming and decided check for himself.

“Clem, are you… Are you uh, still dreaming in there?”

The tender smile returned to her lips, she let out a lengthy, “_Yes…_” as she curled up closer to whatever was in her dream.

_That does make a lot of sense… _he thought to himself. Knowing just how much she loved spending time in the realm of sleep right now, he needed a way of bringing her back to reality without miraculously pissing her off. “Um… Do you mind opening your eyes for me? I brought you some food if you were hungry.”

“_Don’t want it…_” she said under her breath. Shit. Food was the best lead he had, and she shot it down immediately. There had to be something else to use…

He looked around the room for inspiration but nothing visible from the poor lighting stood out to him. Doubt began creeping into the back of his mind; maybe it would be best to just leave her alone, she was clearly much happier without worrying about the motel’s situation, and she could always have her share of rations for breakfast instead. He continued watching her smiling form while trying to come to a conclusion, but after spotting her nosebleed that refused to stop, he couldn’t bring himself to leave.

“Clem, your nose is bleeding again, alright? It’s getting all over your pillow. Please, if you wake up for me, I can get it off for you.”

_“…Pillow?”_ He’d finally caught her attention. _“Don’t you mean Kenny’s-”_ her eyes marginally opened to the sight of her bed, and upon realising Lee was right, she stopped talking. What followed was a brief silence, her eyes refused to open any further than the slither of vision she allowed herself which was likely all taken up by the pillow. He could only wonder what her next words would have been; Kenny’s… what? Had she been dreaming about the two of them? They were questions he’d never hear the answers to unless he worked up the courage to ask. Focusing on the girl in front of him, Lee had never heard her sound so disappointed before when she let out a quiet, “_Oh…”_ She shifted her eyes over to him whilst giving him an almost heart-breaking expression.

Why? Why did the way she looked at him fill him with such misery? He’d only known her three days tops, but his heart just couldn’t handle it. It was scolding him for waking her, demanding that he looked straight into her eyes as a punishment for his crime. He chose to follow his head over his heart in waking her, but he couldn’t have ever imagined seeing her like this could make him feel so shitty. This intense feeling was similar to when she hugged him back when they first met. They were truly unexplainable, and even Kenny mentioned he was having them. Trying to stop himself from mentally raising even more questions, he explained his reasoning for waking her up. “Hi, Clementine… We were handing out rations, so I just wondered if you wanted to have yours.” The atmosphere became as dark as the rest of the room. She didn’t say anything, choosing to instead return her gaze to the pillow as she tried to keep her eyes open. It was clear she didn’t want it, but Lee didn’t want this ordeal to have been entirely pointless. “Look, Clem, do you remember when us and Glenn we here yesterday trying to save that girl? You were getting really weak so I… I think it’s important we get some food in you.”

The heaviness of her eyes won, and they drifted to a close in response to his persuasions. He took that as a sign of defeat, his body sunk in the chair and he was beginning to accept that this was a bad idea. In truth, it was almost embarrassing. Everyone out there was terrified of being the one to do this, even himself. He’d really been nervous about nothing. She didn’t want to hurt anyone, or make them feel bad about disturbing her, all she wanted to do was sleep. That’s it. And that’s what they were all afraid of? _We should be ashamed of ourselves…_ Can of fruit in hand, he stood from the chair and turned his back to her, taking his first step towards the door.

“Okay…”

“Huh?” He swivelled round to see Clementine staring into the distance wall from the same curled position. Her voice was no louder than it had been so far, but it was more defined, showing she was definitely in the real world this time.

“Could you… could you maybe get me a sick bucket? That energy bar didn’t go so well…” Lee was elated. He was so proud she was agreeing to the meal despite her established trouble with eating from the previous night.

He flashed her a beaming smile – even if she wasn’t looking – saying, “Sure thing, Clem. Just give me a second.” If that wasn’t incredibly relieving, then he didn’t know what was. He closed the door behind him, rather pleased with the sudden turn of events. But where to find a bucket… Katjaa had spent the day organising the food, the chance of her seeing anything remotely close to a bucket was as good a chance as any.

He could already feel everyone’s eyes tracking him from the couches placed around the front of the RV, and approaching the group revealed that only Duck was sparing him the heavy stares. Lilly and Larry soon returned to their meals, but Kenny looked on with guilt covering his features. Nobody wanted to speak up, but the Floridian eventually asked, “So… How’d it go?”

Crossing his arms, Lee grumbled, “How nice of you to ask,” still annoyed about his reluctance to help. Thinking it was best not to cause any unnecessary drama, his tone softened as he said, “I could barely get her to wake up. You wouldn’t believe how tired she is. She wasn’t angry, she wasn’t annoyed, or anything like that. Just… sad.”

Kenny’s gaze was brought to Duck, who was oblivious of their conversation and happily drawing away. Lee could hear him say under his breath, “She saves my son, and I won’t even feed her,” before looking back up at Lee. “I’m sorry.”

Kenny clearly regretted his actions, but he wasn’t apologising to the right person. “If there’s anyone you should say that to, it’s Clem.” Kenny took a short glance over to Clementine’s room but hung his head low as he returned to a world of his own thoughts again. Lee interpreted this as an agreement on the topic and decided to get back on track. “Look, I’m here so I could get something for her. Katjaa, you don’t know where I could find a bucket or something like that, do you?”

“Yes, I moved a few around earlier. I think I left a small metal one in Ken’s truck. May I ask why you need one?”

“Clem asked for one while she eats. You can probably guess why…” Katjaa was quick to catch on, and her face instantly sunk into sympathy.

“That poor girl… I don’t know why she won’t let me have a look at her. I could probably find some medicine to help, even if it’s just a little.” Lee was wondering the same thing, but in the end, it would only amass to the endless mountain of questions he was climbing in order to make any sense of her strange behaviour. Taking one step forward and two steps back couldn’t have been a more accurate phrase. At this point he wondered whether he could even ask her a simple question like what her favourite subject was in school without it leaving him questioning if she even went to school in the first place. The outbreak had only been going on for a few days, surely she did normal teenage-girl things before all this, right? Then again, Lee didn’t know how old she was, so he started believing asking such things would only set himself up for disappointment or more confusion.

“No idea… Anyway, thanks, Katjaa.” Lee departed from the group and found the cylindrical bucket amongst various other small boxes and containers. Grabbing it by the handle, he walked back towards Clem’s room with more confidence than before and gently knocked on the door. “Clem? I found you a bucket. Can I come back in?”

“…”

No response. As he went to reach for the doorknob, he realised he was still holding the tissues and therefore had forgotten to clean her nose before leaving. Lee didn’t have children of his own; taking care of a kid was far more difficult than he imagined, especially when they’re sick. He cursed under his breath at his failure, taking note that he still had a long way to go in parenting, if what he was doing for the girl could even be called that.

Slipping inside the dark room, he closed the door behind him. His eyes were immediately drawn to Clementine’s still figure in worry for her lack of a response. She hadn’t moved from her curled position, and Lee couldn’t help feeling an affectionate smile spreading across his face as the answer to her silence quickly became clearer. In the short time it took for him to go outside and find something, she’d fallen asleep again, and was displaying the same angelic expression he’d found her in earlier.

Lee took his seat at the bedside chair, placing the bucket on the floor. He was dreading seeing her smile fall, but nevertheless, placed a hand on her free shoulder and gently shook. “Hey, Clementine… It’s time to eat, remember?”

And there it went. It was the sign that a suffering teenage girl was returning to the realities of the real world. How he could only imagine how much she relished the comforts made possible in her mind’s own creations. She let out another small groan and cautiously opened her eyes. _“…Lee?”_ She craned her neck upwards to get a glimpse of her surroundings before crashing back onto the pillow with a thud. _“I fell asleep, didn’t I?”_

“Um, yeah, I think you did. It’s no trouble, alright?” He held the tissue high enough for her to see. “Can I get that blood off your nose before we begin?”

Her eyelids dropped to a close as she whispered, _“Sure…”_ Hoping she wasn’t about to fall asleep again, Lee quickly got as much of it off as he could, but by concentrating on her face did he notice even in the poor lighting the dark rings hanging beneath her eyes. They were more than enough evidence to justify her need to stay in bed; after the constant strain on her body especially from the car ride getting here, she must’ve been more tired than Lee ever anticipated. He remembered sitting in the back of Kenny’s truck the previous night, watching her torment accelerate beyond control as she begged for his help. There was nothing he could do, and when he ordered Kenny to stop the truck her body completely froze. His heart stopped; after witnessing the hell she endured up until that point, he truly believed her to be dead. So as he sat here, in front of the girl desperate for a moment’s escape from her torture, he became more determined than ever to defend her recovery from the likes of Larry, and make damn well sure that she would get the rest she seriously needed.

“All right, I’m all done. You ready to eat?”

“…”

“Clem?”

_“…mmm… I’m awake!”_ What followed was a deep yawn, telling Lee enough to know she most certainly was _not_ awake. It only made him feel more guilty about forcing her to do this.

“Let’s get you sat up straight, okay? I’m sorry about all this Clem, but the sooner we get some food in you, the sooner I’ll let you get back to your dreams.”

_“And I was having such a nice one too…”_ She looked and sounded absolutely miserable. It didn’t help the guilt he was building up one bit, but he was undeniably curious of the nature of her dreams, and as she pushed the pillow against the bed’s headboard to sit up, he decided to try his luck in asking. _Please don’t leave me asking more questions…_

“So, um… What was it about?”

_“…huh?”_

“The dream, I mean.”

_“Oh…”_

While she thought of an answer, Lee passed her the bucket to which she propped between her legs and crossed her arms as to let them rest on top of it. Her head was face-first into the bucket as a much louder yawn rebounded around the metallic cylinder. It resulted in her eyes visibly watering, and she looked up at Lee barely being able to keep them open. “It’s the same one I’ve been having for a while now. I just lie down in front of a small campfire in this power station… and that’s it. There’s no danger, nothing hurts… it’s perfect. You wouldn’t understand…”

“No, Clem, I really do. If you find it so nice doing something so normal like that after the things you’ve gone through… Then you more than deserve to enjoy it.” He reached down and took hold of the canned fruit. Something was on his mind. He should just pass her the can and let her finally eat, but the piles of questions he wanted to ask were becoming too heavy to carry. He needed answers, even if it were something small like her dreams. Before handing her the food, he asked, “Listen Clem. Is there uh, anyone else in this dream?”

The corners of her lips dropped as she was clearly uncomfortable with the question. “…Why do you ask?”

“Well it’s just… Earlier you mentioned I should’ve been on watch, and then something about a fence. And then something to do with Kenny so… I’m just curious. Uh, you don’t have to answer, if you don’t want to.” In actual fact, he was desperate to know something about her so was hoping she would, but it wouldn’t be worth disrupting her sleep just to make her feel even worse.

“I said that? _Shit_…” Her gaze fell upon the empty bucket and it stayed there while the room crept into an eery silence again. Had he gone too far? This was hardly the time for such questioning; she couldn’t keep her eyes open let alone think straight. It wasn’t fair on her.

“Uh, sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. Don’t worry about it.”

“If… If I tell you…” Her voice still pertained its sleepy manner, but at the same time he could sense a hint of desperation. He leaned in to listen closer, his attention solely focused on her next words. “_I don’t want to keep everything from you all… but I have to. It’s so hard not telling you, Lee. But I just can’t keep all this to myself anymore, so…_ If I tell you, you won’t think I’m… weird, or anything, please?” For a moment, Lee was silent. The information was difficult to process, but at the same time, it made so much sense. She was intentionally keeping information… Meaning she might know more about this apocalypse than she was letting on. That would explain why she was so accustomed to it, why she was so good at fighting, and, at a stretch, why she knew him and Kenny. “Please…?”

“Oh, right. Clem, no matter what you tell me, I’d never think of you as weird. I promise.” Her pleads interrupted his thoughts, but as he assured her everything would be fine, he became doubtful if this was the right thing to do. She was on the verge of sleep while they spoke, she clearly wasn’t in the right mind to be discussing such important topics. _Am I taking advantage of her with the state she’s in? But I **need** answers… Oh well, no going back now._

“Okay… If I’m being completely honest with you… You’re there. And Kenny is too.” Lee nodded as she explained the dream. He wouldn’t dare interrupt now he was finally getting to know something about her. “…There’s a hole in the fence, and you’re sat on watch so I can sleep peacefully. And Kenny…”

She stopped for a moment. This was getting interesting, that couldn’t be the end. He gently pressed her to continue. “Go on…”

“…And I’m lying there, with my head resting on his lap as we watch the campfire. He used to have this really big green coat, and in the dream, he covers me with it to keep me warm…” Picturing the scene in her head brought a faint smile to her face. “_…Just like he did the first time I became this sick…”_

_What. He used to have a coat… The first time she was sick… So she did know him before. Holy shit. That’s why she’s so fond of him. That’s one helluva coincidence, we happen turn up at the same farm as him and now… Wait, that doesn’t explain why Kenny didn’t know her-_

“Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable or anything, you know, being in my dreams but…” Her watery eyes reflected the raw emotion that filled her next words as she stared directly into his gaze. “…You guys are the only family I have…” He watched Clementine close her eyes as the volume of her voice dropped to a whisper, where he could just about make out, “_I can’t lose you again…”_ before it returned to normal. “So please don’t think it’s weird…”

His heart melted. For her to consider him family after only a few days was overwhelming. This was something he hadn’t even considered, his heart pounded against his chest sending sparks of joy to eradicate any doubts he had about her. He felt like crying. He didn’t know whether he was pitying her or was simply overjoyed. To feel so trusted after the nightmare he orchestrated involving his wife and the state senator couldn’t have made him happier. It turns out it was true: this apocalypse really could be the second chance anyone with a life sentence could’ve ever hoped for. If it weren’t for the girl’s melancholy display, he may not have been able to keep his calm composure. “I… Clem, listen. It’s not weird at all. You do whatever makes you feel safe, okay? And… and thanks for trusting me so much. You saying that really means a lot.” 

“No… No problem. Do you mind if I try eating now?”

“Oh, sure. Here you go.” The sole reason for him disturbing her in the first place had completely slipped his mind. Passing her the can, she held it above the bucket and inspected the label. Lee didn’t know if she liked knowing everything listed as the ingredients or was just being picky, but she was really taking her time. It didn’t take long for him to understand why though. “Uh, I probably should’ve got you something to open it with, huh.”

He received no response, and instead watched as the tired teen drew her blood-ridden screwdriver from her pants. _Jesus. She sleeps with a weapon on her?_ Clementine wiped the metal down the side of her pants in an attempt to clean it, and after achieving mixed results she didn’t hesitate in ripping the lid open. “Uh, Clem? Is it safe for you to do that? With all the blood on the-”

“Worked for me so far.” Her snappy reply signalled that this was a tedious activity. Her method of cleaning the tool, the uninspired gaze she cast upon the can, it was as if she’d done it a thousand times. To anyone else, he’d be questioning the lack of interest in using more appropriate, or at least, cleaner equipment, but this _was_ Clementine after all. Getting accustomed to her strange acts, he shrugged it off and assumed that if she was doing it then it was probably safe. She held the can with her also still blood-stained hand, to where he realised another mistake he’d made. Her left hand was already inside the can bringing the fruit to her mouth, making him aware that not only did he not provide her a means to open the can, but also no silverware to eat with. “Oh, um, did you want me to get you a fork for that? I probably should’ve thought about all this before I…”

“It’s fine Lee. I’m used to it.”

“I’m uh, sorry for not being very good at this.” He scratched the back of his neck and let out a nervous laugh. “The only thing I’ve had under my care in the last few years was a fish I kept on my desk at work. And, um… See, the thing about fishes, is that…” He had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. The nerves creeping into his stomach directed him into explaining his incompetence in caring for her. “…fishes basically only eat these little leaf or pellet type things, and you only need to clean out their tanks once a week, if that.” Was she even listening? It wouldn’t surprise him in the slightest if he was being ignored, but that didn’t stop him from feeling the need to continue his fish-related tangent. “This one time…”

“Lee.”

“Yes?” His reply was instant, he was making himself look like a fool and braced himself for being laughed at.

Through the call for sleep lingering amongst her every word, Lee could sense all the care of a mother in Clementine’s voice, as if she was the one taking care of him. “Hey, don’t worry about it. You’re doing a great job as it is, Lee. Thank you, really. You’ll get better, trust me. _Much better_…” She was caught in a yawn and returned her focus to her food. He wasn’t expecting that kind of response. She sounded so sure in his potential to improve that he was filled with confidence, and hoped that she was right for his, and her sake. He would’ve liked to have said the atmosphere inside her dark room had improved, but her now tensing figure was a sign that the girl couldn’t catch a break.

“Clem, what’s wrong?” She’d placed the can to her side while she gripped the bucket tightly. It didn’t take a university professor to figure out the reason behind her change in demeanour.

“Sorry, it’s just…” She took a series of deep, but nevertheless shaky breaths. “I’m having a hard time keeping this down, if you know what I mean…”

Lee moved from his chair to kneel beside her, placing a hand on her back. Her skin was as pale as it had been since they’d met, and he couldn’t stand the thought of her being sick after the hell ride on the truck she went through only the other day. “I know, Clem. I know. Try breathing through your nose, all right? Take as long as you need.”

Following his instructions, Clementine took a minute to battle her misfortune. Only time would tell whether his suggested technique had any effect and he could infer only from his hand placed on her back the fear passing through her every heartbeat. Obviously _he_ didn’t want her to be sick, but he didn’t want to imagine what it was like to actually be in her shoes every time it happened. After the minute passed, she regained her composure, and was determined to not let it beat her. Taking another handful of the fruit, her face was full of regret as she chewed and inevitably tried to swallow the mouthful. “_Ughhhhh_…” She leaned over the bucket, creating a bridge from one side to the other with her left arm, to which her head dropped so to rest her forehead on it. “_Fuck_…”

Lee was beginning to panic, was there anything he could do? “Clem… Do you think you’re gonna be sick? I can… There’s gotta be _something_ I can…”

“…”

The two of them knew all too well Lee’s assistance would be pointless. She lay their squeezing her eyes shut, the sight fuelling Lee’s frustration in being so useless in the midst of her pain. _Damnit. I can’t let this happen to her again. Come on, think. Medicine, water, I’ve got to get her some-_

“It wasn’t supposed to be this way…”

“Huh? Clem? What are you…?”

“_This_. All of it. I shouldn’t even be here. It was a mistake. A small, stupid mistake.” Her dark tone echoed through the shadows of the room. Her meaning was disguised in ambiguity, but it carried the weight of all her pain leading up to this point. How far it could be traced back to was only known to her, but Lee knew enough about her to understand she was being deadly serious.

“Clem, you… you don’t mean that.”

“_No, Lee_.” She was becoming increasingly bitter, and from his lowered position by the bed could he see a fire beginning to thrive in her eyes. Oh no… He knew where this was going, the rage he’d initially been worried about before entering her room was finally becoming the threat it had been patiently waiting for. “It’s all. My. Fault. Do you understand that? I was selfish. It’s just like he once said. I thought I could make everything different, but nothing’s changed. I’m still taking a beating. Every day.”

Lee couldn’t possibly understand her rant, but it didn’t stop him from feeling sorry for her. To him at least, this was the first time she’d expressed her true feelings involving her endless torture. As cryptic as her words were, Lee was certain she was speaking from the heart and wasn’t intentionally holding anything back. Deciding it was best to not interrupt, he listened closely as her rant escalated with no signs of stopping.

“Why the hell couldn’t that bastard have shot me instead? All those years of work… All the sleepless nights, all the days upon days without food, all of it. Gone, just like that. Because of two lackeys. Two… nobodies. Sent by _her_.” Lee’s skin felt like frost as Clementine’s lips spat out each ice-cold word across the room. The longer he listened in the longer the chill stung his ears. It was painful to listen to; her past was shroud in mystery, but it sounded all too real. This was _real_. He assumed she’d been traumatised by the opening days of the world ending, but this was _years_ she was talking about. Her problems stemmed from far worse problems; for all Lee knew, an end of the world scenario must’ve seemed trivial compared to the horrors she must’ve faced. It was cruel, but he wanted to know more. Her growing rage could spiral out of control if she wasn’t careful, should he stop her?

“And now she’s back again. She terrorised those kids, took everything away from me. I look into her eyes… and every time, I just want to rip her fucking throat out.” Her eyes quivered around the metal sheets of the bucket. The rampant movement reflected the madness radiating the air around them, it was like watching her falling apart at the seams holding her fragile sanity together.

“But I guess I just have to deal with it. Just fucking ‘deal with it’, right? Like I’m not constantly given enough shit to deal with. Anyone else has this illness, this broken shell of a body, for a day and they’d wish they were dead. I don’t even deserve to be sitting on this bed. You’re all such good people, filled with so much hope for a better future… We came here because you just want to help some sick girl, and Kenny just wants to protect his family…” Her hand reached for one of her cargo pant's back pockets. Much to Lee’s utter dismay, Clementine pulled out a pistol. It shook within her right hand’s frail grasp. For the first time tonight, her eyes were fully opened, with her emotionless stare locked onto the side of the corroded barrel. _“But the things I’ve done to get me here…”_

_Holy shit! She sleeps with a gun on her too!?_ This was going too far, the sight before him was nothing short of terrifying. As the sun lost its presence in the sky, all Lee could see was Clementine falling into darkness. The walls took hold of her. Ghastly pitch-black arms wrapped themselves around the heated teen, pulling her down into a void that the Clementine he knew couldn’t escape from. What would remain would be the rabid animal from the drug store who almost attacked him. She wasn’t in there. And now, it was happening again. He had to make a decision. If he tried to stop her, he could come under fire again, only now she was armed and looking _very_ dangerous. But maybe… he didn’t have to worry about that. She was aware of the nature of her rant; if he put a little faith in her, then maybe she’d stop on her own volition. Her words echoed in his mind, ‘_But I just can’t keep all this to myself anymore’. _Whatever emotional weight she carried upon her shoulders, it was undeniable that she needed to release some of it. The question is, is Lee willing to trust her enough to control herself? Or will he take action, despite how much good it may or may not be doing for her. Kneeling beside the now silent girl, he made his decision.

  


[ Let her talk ]  
<strike>[ Take the gun ]  
[ ‘Clem, don’t talk like that’ ]  
[ ‘You’re the strongest girl I’ve ever met’ ]</strike>

  


Lee put his full faith in Clementine. If she trusted him enough to consider him family, then it was only right that he’d return that trust. This situation was different from the drug store – nobody but himself could trigger a violent reaction out of her right now, and he hoped the hand still comforting her back would serve to calm her down. Gently rubbing her back, he looked up past the pistol to the girl whose scars engraved in her eyes were bleeding at the sight of her weapon. They bled countless traumatic memories, the gun in her hand serving only to mask the emotional wounds brought on with every gunshot behind a formidable display. He was seeing her in a new light. Her shaky hand was confirmation that she was in a vulnerable state, but not like any he’d seen thus far. The gun wasn’t a threat, instead, it was a cry for help. In this moment, she’d thrown away her usual confident mask for Lee to see everything. Everywhere he looked was a black haze, whispers from the past were scattered in an incomprehensible mess where they blended together. The human eye was a canvas for Clementine’s soul, and Lee was looking into beaten, bruised, and ultimately broken young woman. This was who she truly was. She hated being viewed as weak, so for Lee, this was a testimony for how much she really must’ve trusted him.

Yet, despite all the pain lurking amongst the haze, her amber eyes shined on in the moonlight. The gun returned to her pants, and her head fell to rest upon the bridge formed by her arm on the bucket once more. A heavy sigh drained the room of any tension as it vibrated against the metal. Lee was glad to see she’d settled down, but that didn’t mean it was over. The energy was sucked out of her voice as it regained its tired condition.

“I need to get to work, there’s so much to do…” She began rapidly listing off tasks at speed. “_Setting the fish traps, making a plan, runs into Macon, hunting, the bandits, the St Johns, the train, the city, the Stranger, the boat- _Agh!” Her body tensed again before she could finish. Lee remembered her having a violent headache earlier in the day, and with her overwhelming fatigue combined with everything on her mind, he guessed it was still giving her a hard time.

“Clem, are you alright?”

“…_so_ much to do… I… I can start by… keeping my strength up…” Seemingly ignoring Lee’s concerns, she reached for the canned fruit as the black rings around her eyes absorbed the shadows surrounding them. Lee didn’t understand the meaning behind half of the tasks she’d listed but overthinking the future in her current state was looking like an unhealthy practise. No, it was definitely unhealthy. There couldn’t have been much left, but she was eating her meal with no hesitation which only worried Lee more. ‘_Sorry, it’s just… I’m having a hard time keeping this down.’_ She was on the brink of vomiting before earlier, if she carried on like this…

“Look Clem, I think we should call it a day. You can have the rest for breakfast tomorrow.”

“I need to start now. I need to… keep my…” Her stubbornness translated into ignoring Lee’s suggestion as well as his concerns. Her voice trailed off when she scooped a couple of handfuls into her mouth and let the now empty can fall to the floor. Lee could tell from the moment a metallic clang rang around the bedroom that she regretted her hasty decision. Her hands were balled into fists as they trembled atop of the bucket, causing it to rattle. A part of him admired that about her: she was so scared of the pain her sickness would cause yet was willing to push through it if it meant helping the group. Unfortunately, it would appear as if she had been _too_ keen on regaining her strength and was already preparing for the worst. She looked Lee in the eyes. “I’m sorry…”

Her head plunged into the bucket. The sight, the sound, the smell, everything that followed was something Lee was heartbroken in getting used to. He rubbed her back knowing full well he could’ve prevented this. _I should’ve taken it away from her. Hell, maybe I shouldn’t have given it to her in the first place, at least then this wouldn’t be happening. Another mistake to add to the list…_

A minute passed, her head flung backwards onto the bed’s headboard, eyes lazily shut and mouth hanging open. The slow rising and falling of her chest was a sign that it was over, but more importantly, that Lee’s time disturbing her from sleeping was also over. He couldn’t bring himself to keep her awake any longer, not after putting her through the wringer when it wasn’t necessary. Removing the bucket from the bed, he tried apologising but received no answer. Assuming she had already fallen asleep, or more likely passed out, he mentally scolded himself for causing so much trouble and decided to leave her be.

Before he could leave, his attention was brought back to Clementine’s irregular sleeping position. He couldn’t leave her like this, sat up straight with those pointy weapons making her uncomfortable. If there was one thing he was adamant about getting right today, it was making sure she was able to sleep soundly from now on without anything to annoy her.

“Come on Clem, let’s get those weapons off you and get you under the covers, alright?” To his genuine surprise, she complied immediately, handing him the screwdriver and pistol before her arms went limp again. That went easier than expected…

“Sleeping in that jacket and hat can’t be too comfy… You want to take them off?” Receiving a small nod, he pulled the jacket from over her head and neatly folded it at the end of the bed, letting her cap rest on top of it. He then proceeded to pull the comforter from beneath her and let it drop over her legs as he realised he’d have to push her down himself since she showed no interest in moving. Sighing, he muttered, “_Come on Clem_…” under his breath as he managed to get the covers to her neck and fluffed her pillow for added comfort. There. All done. Now there was no chance of her strange habits making matters worse.

He refused to look down as he grabbed a hold of the bucket. The smell was a clear warning to save his eyes the displeasure of marvelling at its contents, and it only made Lee feel guilty about the whole event. Her stomach was causing her so much pain earlier that she couldn’t even stand, and he’d just enabled it to get worse. He did manage to get her to eat something, but now it was likely that was all in vein because of what was sloshing around the bucket he dared not look at. Maybe it would prove to have helped in the end, and he would hold on to that hope as he prayed for Clementine’s recovery.

With not a lot else for him to do in her room any longer, he made his way over to the door. All he wanted now was to lie on a bed of his own and put the day behind him. After a day full of heavy lifting, wall building, and riding the emotional roller-coaster that was caring for Clementine, he was absolutely exhausted.

“_Lee, wait_…” A quiet voice called out to him. “_I need… to talk to you… about what to do when I_…”

“Clem, I… I think it’s best if you get some sleep. You can tell me in the morning, just don’t worry about it for now.” Already learning from his mistakes, Lee forced himself to be more assertive. On any other occasion he would’ve liked to have listened, but for her own benefit, he couldn’t let her get worked up any further. “I’ll see you in the morning… Or whenever you’re up. Goodnight, Clementine.”

“Okay… _Goodnight_…”

He opened the door, turning back for a second as the guilt guided his tongue. “And… _I’m sorry_.”

_Man… Taking care of a kid is **hard**. I haven’t even eaten **my** food yet!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story might be taking a break, I've got quite the project on my hands. This other project thoroughly deserves an ending, so I'll probably be working on writing a few chapters for it for a little while before returning to this. Stay tuned. Anyway's let me know what you thought of this chapter! A little different from normal but hopefully we all know now that it's not so easy for Lee either bless him


	11. In Cold Comfort (Part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So about that break I was supposed to be going on... I was actually chipping away at this the entire time. I've had a list of bullet points from the last chapter that I still haven't got through in this, hence why it's so long. I really didn't want to split it into two parts but I guess it's just more convenient for all of you, so here we are again with another double chapter release! It feels like I've written a goddamn theatre play with how long it is...

The night seemed endless. She’d woken up on countless occasions, and through each small window of time her long-overdue rest was interrupted did a fatigue-fuelled haze sweep through her mind, dragging her straight back into the world of dreams. Only on this latest time, there weren’t any. Instead of returning right where she left of at the power station, Clementine felt… cold. It was as if the environment of the frozen landscape lay hidden beneath the bed’s blankets, only without the added warmth of Kenny’s jacket and the campfire. Not only that, but there were voices. Voices that sounded so close, yet so distant. It was impossible to determine a single word from the inaudible echoes, but one voice in particular stood out to her. It was the closest out of the group, and predominantly through her right ear could she understand its nature. Anger.

Her eyes were heavy, unable to be opened as the sound waves to her right were short and snappy. And yet, despite the intended power behind each wave, Clementine could also sense an enormous radiance of despair. They were fragile, full of nerves to a point where they could crash at any second. It gave her the impression that this person was at breaking point. It almost sounded like herself after AJ died… Maybe it sounded like her even now. Where was she?

Clem had never known her eyes to be on lockdown under such a weight, at least, not to where it became a struggle to open them. As she directed all of her focus towards regaining her vision, the voices faded beyond the darkness and a pleasant warm melted the winter frost against her skin. She squinted against a stream of morning sunlight contrasting the sleep-induced blackout, and before long she was staring at the small window in her motel bedroom.

_What was that all about?_ She thought to herself, throwing the bed’s comforter from over her body as she slung on her jacket and hat. Lee was right, breaking away from her usual sleeping habits and instead sleeping closer to, well, how a normal girl would, was a nice change of pace.

On the topic of Lee, she was reminded of how she’d fallen asleep under the wrath of a devastating fire in her stomach thanks to her evening meal, but uncharacteristically of the bruised organ, that pain had completely subsided. By normal standards, her stomach would be stuck in a sort of hangover phase the morning after any violent vomiting rounds that were, unfortunately, becoming common place. Her attempts at standing were met with surprise as her abdomen’s core lacked any resistance, allowing a freedom of movement she’d previously lost.

On the other hand, her eyelids were putting up a fight in her stomach’s place that reminded the brunette of just how tired she really was. A full night’s rest wasn’t enough to earn the recovery of even a wink of sleep. She brought a hand to her forehead, no pounding headache to be found. All that remained from the talk with Lee was the overwhelming sense of fatigue; she wasn’t in perfect condition, but it was definitely a step in the right direction.

Feeling hopeful about her improved health, she ventured into the room’s partnering bathroom to check her appearance in the mirror. She was forced to take slow and steady steps in response to her body’s subtle refusal to work perfectly, her stomach area seemingly not fully recovered from her evening meal after all. 

The reflection was all too familiar. Terribly pale. Drenched in walker blood. Her display behind the stainless glass begged to differ over her supposed improved health. A patch of almost grey skin encircled her eyes, commanding her next thoughts to automatically include its healing by getting more sleep.

_But there’s so much to do…_ She had to make sure the wall was safe enough, she had to make sure everyone had enough food for the day. There was no time to think about rest anymore. Lee, Kenny, Katjaa and Duck, they all came first. Her mind raced through the list of tasks she ranted about to Lee. Setting the fish traps, making a plan, even a run into Macon. _All of it can be done today… I’ve gotta get started, the sooner I finish the sooner they’re all safe…_ The stress of leadership began its routine of wearing away at her, but disregarding her own condition, the tired teen’s feet were guided to the exit in concern for the other survivors.

Her eyes were attracted to her bed like a magnet as she walked towards the door. Despite the fatigue-induced influences, she was determined enough to ward off the idea of skipping a day’s work, and instead briefly wondered about her final dream before leaving the room. The voices, the sudden chill, it was all so strange. To top it all off, trying to open her eyes in a dream had never resulted in her waking up before. _Very strange… Oh well._

Leaving her sleep-related questions back in her room, she stepped out into the sunshine and immediately scanned the homemade wall. All entrances were completely closed off, and a random assortment of furniture, wooden boards and cars made for a passable fortification. In fact, for just one night, she could only say they’d done an outstanding job. The sight left her unexpectedly impressed by their work.

“Morning, Clem. You feelin’ any better today?” Lee called out from on top of the RV. She also wasn’t expecting him to take a morning watch shift, but with the wall in such a good state, she guessed they didn’t need to urgently work on it.

“It might not look like it, but yeah, I am. Better than last night anyways,” she shrugged. Clem was hell-bent on getting to work immediately; with her health talk out of the way, her attention was brought back to the day’s tasks. The first order of business would be setting up the fish traps, but there was something she didn’t get the chance to finish talking to Lee about when he brought her evening meal.

“Uh… About that…”

“Lee, I need to talk to you about something. Meet me in my room as soon as possible. Actually…” If she was going to talk about something so important, then it had to involve the only other person she could trust with her life. “Bring Kenny along with you.”

He seemed surprised at her eagerness so soon after waking up, and in truth, she couldn’t blame him. The shadows around her eyes were visible for all to see, telling just about anyone that she was extremely tired. But none of that mattered, there were jobs that needed to be done, and Clementine hated not being able to help yesterday. The thought of keeping her loved ones in danger when she could be preventing it brought upon a whirlwind of nerves tightening around her chest with every breath, as if each one she took could be someone else’s last. A walker breaking through the wall, the growing risk of starvation, all of it left her paranoid until she would know for sure that the threats were minimised.

Not worried as much over their potential dangers, Lee wasn’t so ready to jump into a new task. “I’m on watch right now Clem, I don’t think I should-”

“Just take a break. It won’t take long, I promise.” She turned her back to him and made her way back to the room. She didn’t want to hear any excuses. 5 minutes was the time limit set for this talk, after that it was straight down to scout out the stream to find suitable locations for fish traps. Sitting on the end of her bed, she impatiently waited for the two to arrive. Being so tired as this yet forcing herself to work reminded her of the years that followed Kenny’s original death in raising AJ all alone. They were bittersweet memories; she didn’t miss the effects of putting in so much effort, but how her heart cried out for her beloved son. AJ didn’t even exist in this world, and all she could think about was how it was partly her fault it had to come to this.

Even now, in a time when he hadn’t been born, she continued mourning him ever since that life-changing morning walk at Ericson’s. She’d already concluded it was the last straw; watching the boy she loved with all her heart slowly choking to death under a geyser of his own blood finally opened the door to madness. Ever since the apocalypse began, her path was destined to lead there, and with death after death leading her a step closer every time, through AJ’s unpredictable demise she finally arrived at the doorstep.

Her first steps in occurred only seconds later. Venturing inside unveiled a discovery Clementine was frightened by in knowing it had been lying dormant for so many years. It was like a replica of her conscience, only everything she’d learnt to determine right from wrong, all of the emotions experienced through love and heartbreak, it all faded to grey. They blended together, the amalgamation melting into an endlessly deepening pool everywhere she went. The liquid poured into her shoes, sucking her in whether she liked it or not. Beneath its depths gave home to inhabitants of the newly formed ecosystem. Dark crimson vines latched onto her legs, immobilising their territory’s invaders as they expanded up her body. They intertwined with each other to create an unbreakable defence as they wrapped themselves around her skin to finalise their trap. She had become prey to her own mind. The leaves stung like needles when they injected her with the liquid - the final product of her combined emotions: anger. It was crushing. Any motives opposing it were savagely burned away the more concentrated the liquid circuiting her veins became. It was a weapon that stemmed from the mind, but the place it had the most impact was on her heart. The rage dripped down her spine and spread across her chest, grasping her heart and tightening its grip with every pump as it demanded to be unleashed.

From there, she was presented with a choice. Try to contain it and suffer or hand it the reins. The latter persuaded with promises of releasing her from its grasp, to provide comfort in its acceptance - something she had already engaged in. No matter how much she resisted temptation, or even how much she agreed to its demands, the foundation of the deal was built upon a deceiving illusion of choice: either way, she had to get it out, resulting in it taking full control. Suppressing the anger only served to pile it up. Hostility would leak into her character, slowly transforming the girl into becoming irritable and dangerous. She was terrified of what would happen if the breaking point to the product of an already broken heart presented itself. It was one thing repairing someone else’s but repairing her own was impossible to prepare for. She needed help.

Louis was the first to pull her out of the darkness. He’d built her a platform solely out of the hope possible from their original plan, but with him now out of the picture for however long and the plan rendered almost obsolete, the only thing holding her back from falling in again are the two people being invited to her room to talk about the very problem. To abandon a world where she was the cause for, bar Louis, all of her loved one’s deaths… Clementine believed it was her one and only mission in life from now on to save them. This was how she would take the second chance given to her; in such a driven mindset, worrying about herself was no longer a priority. They sacrificed so much to get her this far, so now it was time to return the favour. They had to survive. For them to be in her life again was nothing short of a miracle and the thought of sparing them from such terrible deaths was the only thing keeping her sane. Her goal would be achieved by any means necessary. _Any_ means necessary.

“…Clementine?”

She looked up to see Lee and Kenny awkwardly standing in front of the room’s only table by the main window. _Shit, how long have they been standing there?_

“Sorry, I was just… lost in thought.” With her monologue still fresh on her mind, she took a moment to appreciate the two men only a few metres away. Ironically, her mental state was at an all-time low but at the same time she couldn’t be happier. _They’re here… They’re **really** here. I can’t believe it…_ How important the two were to her couldn’t be put into words. A man who put bodyguards to shame - an ultimate guardian who tore through an entire city of walkers just to get her back. And a man she eventually saw as a father – the two fought through thick and thin together, enough to where both began to see each other as one of their own. She thought back to their campfire outside of Wellington, where she first heard the words that were now engraved onto her heart. _Family is what you make it. _It might’ve been the most important lesson she’d ever learnt. It proved to her that hope could be found in the company of others, even if they weren’t the same blood. A hope she was desperately searching for after her parent’s death, and to finally have her old family back together again after so many years… To see them not dying from an infection, not being devoured by walkers, and instead just normal, healthy people with hopes of a better future. To be able to satisfy the innocent, yet utterly starved desire to share a simple hug with them. The feeling was just…

Lee knelt beside her, placing a hand on her right shoulder as he looked on with concern. “Clem… Are you okay?”

“…What? Oh, yeah I’m…” Then she noticed the small puddles spreading down her cheeks. Her eyes went wide at the realisation that she was crying. She couldn’t help it; it should’ve been impossible for her to really speak with them again, but the more she thought about how it was becoming her new reality only made it harder to contain the overflowing dam of gratitude she holds towards her protectors. Wiping the tears away, she gave the two a blissful smile, saying, “I’m just really glad you two are here.”

“Oh, Clementine…” Lee moved into a hug and gentle patted her back. “There, there…” She looked up at Kenny who initially seemed nervous upon entering the room but found himself calmed by her tearful display. She released the supports holding her heavy eyelids open and took a moment to enjoy their company.

“Thanks, Lee…” she said through a deep breath.

“No problem, now,” he pulled away and took his position next to Kenny again. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

“Oh, right. I should probably get round to that, huh…” Looks like that 5-minute time limit wouldn’t be kept to; as much as she wanted to get to work, these types of moments were simply invaluable to her. And for all the hard work the two put in in her absence, they at least deserved to be congratulated. “First of all, well done for getting the wall built. I… I didn’t expect everyone to even listen to me, let alone do such a great job on it. So, thank you.”

Both took the compliment well, urging Kenny to provide a rundown of their progress. “Well we’ve been workin’ on it for two full days now, it’s only right we’d-”

“Kenny!”

She raised an eyebrow. The brunette thought Kenny said something a little off, and it was backed up by how Lee was so quick to cut him off. _They were working for two full days?_ From what she knew, that didn’t add up: it was only morning and they’d only started working on the wall the previous day. “Uh, what do you mean, exactly? ‘Two days’? I don’t get it.”

Now they both seemed nervous. Letting out an uneasy sigh, Lee decided to explain himself after he and his co-worker shared a nervy glance at one another. “After seeing the state you were in the other night, I thought you really needed to get some rest.”

“Yeah… A _lot_ of it,” Kenny added.

“So… I made sure you did. I told everyone no-one’s allowed to disturb you until you next wake up.”

“This guy’s a better guard dog then our Labrador Franklin ever was. Seriously. He even moved into the room next-door to keep an eye on you.”

Clem didn’t know what to make of the information. She appreciated the lengths Lee was willing to go for her sake, but it left her confused as to why he felt the need to change room for just one night. He’d originally picked a room on the opposite side of the motel, so she felt the need to press for a clearer explanation. “So you moved in to make sure I could get enough sleep for the night, but I don’t see what that has to do with you guys working-”

“Clem, you slept through the entire day yesterday.”

“WHAT?!” The stress of setting up life at the motel exploded into a thunderous shout. She didn’t mean to be so loud, but all of a sudden, her worries about getting to work as soon as possible were multiplied by the amount of people looking at her with fear projecting out their eyes. They both took a step back at her outburst. “I missed out the _entire_ day?”

“Um, yeah, you did… But look Clem, it’s not that big of a deal, we’ve-”

“We could’ve had fish traps by now, we could’ve had more food for all of us, we could’ve done a run into Macon, we could’ve scavenged valuable supplies…” Her heartrate matched the speed she was rapidly listing off possibilities. She felt a hand resting on her right leg as Lee knelt beside her again.

“Woah, woah, woah, it’s really okay. Let’s try not to get you worked up over this, remember your headaches? Just take a breath, Clem.” Despite the urge to press on, she followed his advice wanting to avoid a repeat of the violent headaches received through taking on too much stress. She sat there allowing the cool oxygen entering her nostrils to soothe her burdened mind as Lee tried reassuring her. “The wall’s a lot sturdier, and our first hunting trip last night went better than expected. There’s really nothing to worry about.”

His unwavering gaze lead her to believe he was telling the truth. Briefly dropping her eyes to the floor, she accepted the situation and put faith in Lee that he had everything under control. “I wanted to have a fishing area set up by today, but I guess that’s impossible now…” Releasing her disappointment in a sigh, she switched glances between Kenny and Lee next to her, aiming to get their full attention. “Lee, I think you overdid it looking out for me, but I can’t waste any more time. Listen, this is serious, okay?”

Clem could’ve sworn she saw Kenny gulp as the two men shared a subtle anxious look before nodding. “You need to know what to do when I… When I go crazy.” Silence overcame the bedroom. Their eyes went wide, Lee stood and returned to his spot next to Kenny. After that, no-one moved a muscle, their silent stares implying surprise at her willingness to bring up a topic of such magnitude. Her tone lacked any humour as she said in a deep voice, “I know you know what I mean.”

“Like… When you were gonna attack Lee, and then later with Lilly?” Kenny was quick to catch on as he recounted the events at the drug store.

She gave him an affirmative nod and added to his suspicions. “And with that walker by the restroom, and the ones on Hershel’s farm.”

“Wait, what happened with Lilly?” Lee interjected, his efforts to get the pharmacy keys keeping him away from Clementine’s potential outburst when Lilly tried apologising to her. The brunette stared at Kenny, pushing him to answer in her place. She was curious of how the event looked from his perspective.

He was reluctant to answer, but after a moment of thinking he turned to Lee. “You uh, remember what I told you about with Clementine hating Lilly? And what happened ‘cus of it?”

Lee raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“That.”

“Oh…”

He seemed to understand, but Clem was worried by how they’d already talked about it, and how much Kenny might’ve potentially told Lee. She didn’t want anyone knowing of how she cried her eyes out onto his shirt more than once, and even admitting to being dangerous before having a heartfelt conversation. “You told him? How much did you…”

“I only mentioned the thing with Lilly, and that your ‘problem’ was caused by her. Sorry, I… thought he had a right to know, bein’ your caretaker and all.” He became more nervous the longer he spoke and was looking anywhere but the bed she was sat on. Contrary to his nervous attitude, Clem was relieved he hadn’t revealed everything that transpired in the drug store and the restroom. Even if it was Lee, the thought of others seeing her emotionally vulnerable side were unwelcome. If it happened in the moment, it stayed in the moment.

“Thanks, that saves me a bit of time explaining things.” She gave him a gentle smile noticing his still nervous display, to which he sighed and was eased enough to look at her in the eyes again. “I know all of this probably sounds really weird, especially coming from me but… It’s a serious problem, I know that. I trust you guys with my life, so that’s why if this is going to work… I need to know I can depend on you. When you see me going crazy or losing control or whatever you want to call it…” She looked deep into their eyes, taking on her commanding presence. “You need to stop me.”

The room fell into silence again, with Lee and Kenny conversing between each other through blank stares alone. The former teacher was brave enough to speak up first. “How do you suggest we…”

“I don’t care how you do it, I just can’t let myself become a danger to you. Talk me out of it, distract me,” she brought a hand to her left cheek, remembering what it took for Louis to stop her, “_slap me…_ Hug the living shit out of me and don’t let go no matter what I say. All good options. And if it really comes down to it… shoot me.”

They collectively gasped, surprise marked on their faces. It did nothing to deter Clem’s serious demeanour.

“What do you…”

“Clem, y-you don’t mean that…”

Their denial to her final method was to be expected, she interrupted them before they had any more reason to doubt her. “It doesn’t have to be lethal or anything… Just think of it as a last resort, like if my crazy side goes crazy, or something like that. You know what I mean. Look, it probably won’t even come to that, I just want you to know you can do whatever’s necessary. Please… Tell me I can count on both of you.” Her commanding traits vanished and instead she fell into a genuine plea. They may never come to understand just how much putting them in danger terrified her, and she hoped through the following silence that they would be generous enough to agree.

“Of course.” It was Lee. He took a step forward and knelt in front of her, bringing them to the same eye-level. “I’m glad you came to us about this. If it’s that serious, then of course I’ll help. I don’t know about _shooting_… but I know you didn’t want to hurt me back at the drug store. We won’t let that happen again, okay?”

“As long as _she’s_ still around, it’s definitely going to happen again… I just know it. But, thanks Lee.” They shared a tender smile before she turned to Kenny, who’s eyes displayed a list of concerns he was mentally debating over. “Kenny, please…”

He scratched the back of his head, and asked, “You really trust us that much?”

She responded immediately, full of confidence. “Like I said before, with my life.”

“And… you won’t, you know, attack _us_ if we try to stop you?” She hadn’t thought about that. It was disheartening to hear him being so cautious of her, but she knew his concern was valid. Seeing the damage she was capable of after falling into a fit of rage almost four times now left him worried about himself, but she could tell he was hinting at the safety of his family too.

“I…” Speaking with such confidence as she had done before wasn’t possible with knowing how unpredictable the future could turn out to be. She repeated part of the talk they had in the drug store’s restroom, “I’d never hurt you… If I see it’s you, Lee, or Katjaa, or Duck… I’ll stop. _I have to. _I know I’m dangerous, Kenny… but I swear on my life I’d never try to hurt any of you.” Her voice dropped to a mumble, finishing with, “I couldn’t live with myself if I did.”

His eyes sharpened as his gaze drifted to the floor beneath her. She knew this look all too well; she usually saw it whenever he had to make an important decision, and recognising this, Clementine felt butterflies in her stomach, worrying as to why he wasn’t so accepting as Lee. The importance of their assistance with her broken mental state was unquestionable, so in an effort to persuade him she put on her best puppy dog eyes feeling as if she would be helpless without his support. His eyes came to a close and as he sighed, the butterflies fluttered even stronger in anticipation for his response.

“…All right.”

Blood rushed back to her shaky stomach at the short reply. She took a relieving breath, a smile naturally forming on her lips as she asked, “R-Really?”

“Yeah… You’ve been lookin’ out for me and mine since we met and if you’re doin’ this as some kinda safety precaution in case, you know…” His face softened, she couldn’t determine whether this was because he was worried or just scared of her. “If you trust us _that_ much, then yeah, I’m in. You can count on me.”

_You big bearded son of a bitch, you really know how to put me on edge, you know that?_ She thought, keeping the years of dealing with his sometimes-rash decision making to herself. But man, did it prompt her to notice just how weird it looked for Kenny to be (mostly) clean shaved. Turns out she was missing his beard more than she let on.

Bringing her attention back to the present, she stood up and thanked her guardians. “You don’t know how much of a relief it is to hear you say that… I know it’s selfish me asking you of all this, but I really want to make this work. With you two by my side, maybe… maybe it won’t be so bad. So, thanks. To be honest, I don’t know what I’d do if you said no…”

Lee placed a hand on her right shoulder with care shining through his eyes. “Come on, Clem, we’ve got to stick together to survive. You didn’t really think we’d leave you to deal with this alone, did you?”

“Heh… Maybe. I know I’m not exactly normal, but… Look. I’m gonna help the two of you just as much as you’re helping me, so if you need anything, you come to me, all right? I’ll make it safe here. For everyone.”

“Sounds like we can rest easy at night knowin’ we’ve got you lookin’ out for us.” Kenny flashed her a beaming smile to which she returned, feeling far more relaxed now that she’d created a countermeasure to her darker side.

“Of course. I am _not_ losing one of you, any of you. I’ll keep all you all safe. It’s the least I can do.” It may have come off as taking on more than she could handle, but she was speaking straight from the heart. Screw all that bullshit about every leader in a community falling. For once Lilly was right; she single-handedly transformed a group of scared kids into a fighting force, and one that managed to wipe out military-trained soldiers, steal their supplies, and perform a rescue mission all at the same time. Compared to that, this was child’s play.

“Well we really appreciate your efforts, Clementine. But for you to do the best job in the future we need to get you rested up.” Lee was staring into the patch of greying skin surrounding her eyes. “Why don’t you go on back to bed for a while?”

“Goddammit Lee…” Being reminded about potential sleep, she begun to feel the weight of her eyelids eager to accept his invitation. “I completely forgot I was tired ‘til you brought it up. Thanks.” The glare she gave him did nothing to disprove his suggestion, but even if he was right, she had no intention of skipping _another_ day of work.

“But Clem, I really think you shouldn’t push yourself too hard.”

“I’ve already missed out on an entire day of setting this place up. No. Kenny, get your things. We’re heading down to find that stream. We need fish traps ASAP.”

Lee was a firm believer that she was worrying too much and attempted to reason with her. “Our food situation really isn’t that bad, hey, look at me. You don’t have to force yourself to do everything at once. I know you’ve got a lot on your mind, but we can afford to-”

She did exactly what he asked and looked at him, full of determination as she interrupted him. “And we _can’t_ afford to let our supplies slowly drain away. We need a reliable food source. Like it or not, I’m going. Lee, get back to your post on watch. Kenny, meet me by the wall as soon as you can.” And with that, Clementine brushed past the two, making her way towards the door. She paused before leaving the room feeling a strain in her stomach as she walked, so fell into her habit of holding her right arm over the rightfully painful area. Kenny and Lee mumbled something between each other when she left, but she chose to ignore it and took a slow pace towards the opposite end of the wall.

Luckily, Larry hadn’t started working on it for the day and was instead enjoying the company of his daughter as they shared breakfast together on the couches. Huh, food. The thought hadn’t even crossed her mind. The recent experiences she had of eating persuaded her that it wasn’t the best idea to try again, at least until she’d finished the day’s tasks. Planting herself next to one of the dumpsters, she could see Lee watching her from atop of the RV, rifle in hand. Without saying a word, he asked, “_Why?_” through his expression alone. It was for him. For Kenny and his family. This is what it took to achieve the closest thing to guaranteed safety; she was willing to sacrifice her health if it meant the world would treat the others kinder. Lee would just have to accept it.

“…”

By waiting around for the fisherman, she found a moment to think. _I’ve become even more stubborn lately than I usually am… Huh. I guess being around the person you picked it up from will do that to you. Or maybe it’s got nothing to do with that at all… Now that I think about it, Kenny’s a lot less hot-headed than I remember. I only really noticed it around Savannah, and that was just after Katjaa and Duck…_ She sighed, not wanting to give bad memories the spotlight. _Will I even be strong enough to save them this time? What am I gonna do… I need a plan… As soon as I’m finished here, I’ll make one. And then it’s off into Macon… And then I can… Um… Oh, I can tell them what I know about the infection. Haven’t done that yet. And then I can… Uh…_ Finding herself at a loss for tasks, she scrambled her brain trying to think of something else useful for the end of the day, but alas, it came to nothing. Where it left her feeling disappointed in herself, she also found it somewhat amusing. Back at Ericson’s, she often procrastinated getting on with her jobs and even slept through various watch shifts, but here at the motor inn, sleep felt more dangerous than not working at all. How times change. Literally.

“…Helloooo?” A hand swayed like an ocean wave, taking up most of her vision. Following the path of the arm revealed Kenny trying to get her attention with Katjaa and Duck in tow. “Earth to Clementine, you in there?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry… I was just lost in thought. Again…” She rubbed her eyes after falling into a heavy yawn. Drowsiness was eating away at her concentration.

“It’s fine. You don’t mind if I bring Kat and Duck along with us, do you? I wanna get them away from this motel for a bit.” Katjaa forced Clem a smile as Kenny spoke, whereas Duck seemed as excited as ever. She’d only taken one look at her, but that was enough for Katjaa to fall into the same opinion as Lee even if it wasn’t verbally expressed. Not wanting to drag out another lecture about her health, the brunette gave her stance on the topic before any conflict could arise.

“Yes Katjaa, I know I should be in bed. Lee already tried to stop me, but this is just how it’s gotta be.” Not even waiting for the mother’s reaction, Clem turned back to Kenny. “And yeah, I don’t see why not. It shouldn’t be too dangerous. I can’t hear any walkers right now at least.”

“Thanks. Now then,” the dumpster screeched across the concrete as Kenny pushed it open. “Let’s head out. Which way we are going, Clem?”

She remembered Lee only taking her down there once or twice, but if her memory served correctly, then, “Around the back of the motel going down into the forest. If we head straight down, we should come to an opening past the treeline. From there I think we just have to follow a path. I think it splits into two at some point and we’ll need to go down whichever side has this one rock that’s about the same size as me. You can’t miss it.”

“All right. Let’s get a move on.” Kenny gestured for the small group to follow, but Clementine was starting to worry if bringing his entire family along was a good idea after all. What if they got hurt and it was her fault? Another yawn put a stop to her train of thoughts before they could escalate. Looking down at the hand covering her abdomen, she was confident in her abilities even in such a weak state. Her combat expertise had already been proven on multiple occasions; everything _should_ be fine.

She could be as confidently as she liked, but she still frowned knowing just how bad her luck was in times like this. Her most recent venture into taking a family nature walk couldn’t have ended worse, so even an otherwise harmless task like this left her paranoid.

Kenny was waiting by a streetlight at the corner of the motel. Her slow pace thanks to her stomach finding any possible method to torture her allowed enough time for Katjaa and Duck to overtake her on the sidewalk, and not wanting to slow everyone down, she grimaced as attempting to speed up only increased the strain on her body. Tightening her arm’s grip holding the aching area, she muttered, “For fuck’s sake…” under her breath which caught the attention of Katjaa, of whom had joined her husband and was patiently waiting for her to catch up.

“Ken, why don’t you give her a hand? She’s clearly struggling.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” As she finally approached the group, his gaze was drawn to her occupied arm. The bright shining of the sun behind him penetrated her eye’s frail defence, causing her to barely be able to look at him without squinting hard. Noticing this, he put on his ‘decision making’ face again, saying, “…I think you’re gonna need more than just a hand,” and before she knew it, he’d turned his back to her, bent his knees, and invited her into a piggyback ride. “Alright, get on.”

“Oh… You don’t need to, really. I can-”

“Clementine, my knees aren’t as young as they used to be. They’re gonna collapse if we hang around all day.”

Katjaa was in agreement to his method of helping out, but shot him a faint scowl as she remarked, “Don’t be so dramatic, Ken.”

It was another situation where she didn’t want to be seen as weak but declining their help would realistically be a stupid move. The quicker she got this done, the more time there was for a run into Macon and to form a plan. Sighing out of disappointment for herself, her voice croaked a quiet, “Okay…” before climbing on, resting her hands on his shoulders.

“Now before we go, if you start feeling nauseous or anything you let me now, okay? There’s no harm in stopping for a few minutes.” The reminder of her sick tendencies incited the fear instilled within her heart to warn the girl about the potential pain as it thumped against her chest. She’d already gone over the threshold of successfully withstanding each vomiting round, and it was established as the root of all her current movement problems. The thought of making it worse was terrifying.

“Y-Y-You don’t think we could take a few t-test s-steps, do you?” On command, the group began their trek around the motel, with Kenny taking slow but what felt like heavy steps. Getting only halfway to the end of the adjacent row of rooms, he stopped to ask how she was coping. The constant bouncing gave way for a slight sense of nausea, but it was nothing that made her feel remotely close to gagging. At this point, she was used to far worse.

“So, how’re you doing back there? Are we good to go?”

“I… should be fine. Yeah, I can handle this. Come on, we’ve gotta catch up to Katjaa and Duck.”

“All right…” Taking a quicker pace, he began walking again and craned his neck to the left in an attempt to see her as to double check his concerns. “You will tell me if you’re not feeling well or something happens, right?” A nostalgic smile spread across her face; this was just like the Kenny she’d grown to love. Always checking in on her, always showing genuine care for her that only a few people in her life ever had. The question was enough to soothe her impulsive heartbeat.

Feeling more comfortable, she rested her head on his left shoulder and loosely crossed her arms as they dropped over his chest. She was softly spoken, replying, “Of course I will. And thanks…”

“For what?”

Instead of the unsteady bouncing, she tried focusing on being so close to her former adoptive father again. She was actually quite pleased with how things were turning out. First, he agrees to her call for help, and then her sickness is used as an excuse to enjoy his company. He’d done so many things she was thankful about, so in her eyes, the only suitable response was, “Thanks… For everything.”

The sun disappeared behind a vast canopy of green as the group entered the forest. The dim lighting was a welcome sight to Clementine’s heavy eyes, and she found her yawns becoming far more frequent the deeper they journeyed through the trees. Tiredness was swelling in her mind, and it was convincing her of how apparent her current situation was similar to that of her power station dreams. All she had to do was imagine herself in a frozen forest, and all of her troubles would fade away. Her eyes were coming to a close with the comfort of her favourite dream sounding not only inviting, but also most fitting under the current circumstances, but before they could send her into another world, Kenny had something on his mind.

“I… wanted to apologise.”

Her head perked up. Despite her eyelids feeling like dumbbells at this point, it was her turn to ask, “For what?” Albeit, in a far more mellow demeanour than his own.

“The other day, when you were fast asleep after givin’ us that mornin’ speech, we were choosin’ who should bring you your food.”

“Is this when Lee had to wake me up before he let me sleep through all of yesterday?”

“Yeah… We were stuck choosin’ because, well, nobody wanted to wake you. If I’m bein’ honest… I thought you’d tear my head off. So I… chickened out.” Her heart sunk at the regret in his voice. Kenny’s views on her had been at the back of her mind since she reunited with him, and now seemed like the perfect time to get answers for what she was most afraid of.

“Kenny, are you… are you scared of me?” Their conversation was replaced with the sounds of birds chirping throughout the forest. A moment of silenced passed between the two, with the man seemingly not knowing of how to answer. Even if it wouldn’t change anything, the topic was important to her. “Please, be honest with me.”

“I guess I was. Maybe I am now…”

She released a breath she didn’t realise she’d been holding. Returning her head back to his shoulder in shame, she thought to herself, _Yeah… I probably should’ve expected that. I’m only acting like this to protect them, but…_

“You remember what Hershel said? Right after his son Shawn was bitten?” Kenny broke her from her thoughts having more to say.

“Oh, which part?”

“_Watch out girl. When it’s you who needs his help don’t expect any favours_. Been thinkin’ about it ever since…” With the way he trailed off, the brunette instantly recognised he was suffering from a lot of guilt. She’d had been right all along – Hershel must’ve really hurt him after his scolding for Shawn’s injuries. And now, the guilt could’ve only been amplified after discovering the danger of walker bites. “See that stupid kid over there? Runnin’ around the trees like it’s the damn circus? He wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for you… The guilt’s been eating me up inside since I refused to help out with your meal. So that’s why I accepted your offer earlier, about helpin’ when you… you know. I want to make it up to you.”

She crossed her arms tighter and leaned forward so their eyes could meet, an affectionate smile shaping the gentle tone of her voice. “You don’t have anything to apologise for. You brought me to the motel, you stood up for me at the drug store, you said I wasn’t a monster, you didn’t get mad at me when I was sick on you, you’re doing this for me as we speak… I won’t forget any of it. I know I’m scary, I’m scared of myself more than anyone… So I really can’t thank you enough. You won’t ever understand how much everything you’ve done means to me,” she was speaking as if she hadn’t travelled back in time, and was thanking him for the years of living together which proved to be some of the best days of her life. Her head returned to his shoulder, where she leaned it against where his beard should have been as her eyes drifted to a close. “Thank you, Kenny. I can’t say it enough…”

“You’re really somethin’ else, Clementine… Look, I know you’re tired as hell back there. I don’t mind if you wanna get some shut-eye before we hit this stream,” he suggested. That was all the incentive she needed. The weight of her head dragged it down over his shoulder and she brought her arms closer around his neck as if she was holding a pillow. It was an attempt to imitate her sleeping position from her dreams which Kenny took in good spirit, putting on a playful tone as he said, “You comfy back there?”

She giggled feeling relieved to have been able to find a moment to rest amid the day’s tasks. Once more, she had another reason to be grateful towards him. Relaxing in the warmth of his company, a delicate, “Yeah…” escaped her smiling lips, and she began immersing herself in a forest coated in a blanket of snow.

She imagined the trees rustling from the winter breeze, the sound of flattening snow with every step. Then came Kenny’s jacket and the campfire; the former was a small detail, but to be surrounding by such a chilling environment yet experiencing its pleasant heat was one of her favourite parts.

The only problem was that it never came. Instead, Clementine felt… cold. Not just any cold, but one she instantly recognised from earlier in the day back when she was still sleeping. No... She was definitely awake right now, extremely tired, but not even a minute had passed which wasn’t long enough for her to fall asleep with having to adjust to a piggyback ride. Trying her luck with opening her eyes had the same result. They were locked shut. _What the hell is happening?_ She thought, confused by this new sensation.

_Well, I’m not gonna figure out anything staring into the abyss_. As done before, she directed all of her concentration into earning even a slither of vision. The sun pierced through an opening gap in her eyelids, burning straight through her eyes into the back of her head, where a fierce headache emerged at the sudden change in lighting. Taken back by the pain, she paused for a moment before deciding to finish the job. The locks put up a fight, but were eventually brought to a hard-fought demise, and Clementine was greeted with the winter wonderland at the heart of her imagination.

There was no power station in sight. The entire scene was strange from the get-go, but it was made even more so after taking note of her surroundings. She simply gawked as the headache disrupted her ability to make sense of the situation. Walking in front of her was Luke, Bonnie, Mike, Jane, and none other than Arvo. She was following from a small distance behind the group, yet there was no sign of movement from her body. She was even at a height where the closest member of the group to her, Luke, was at eye-level, possibly even taller. But there was nothing strange about that at all, or even her limp figure. In fact, it made perfect sense. From the green jacket below being the difference between her body and the cold floor, Clem figured she was being given a piggyback ride just like back at the motel, and who other was supporting her than Kenny himself. Kenny, with an eyepatch and beard. It wasn’t the headache preventing her from making sense of things at this point, it was her perception of her surroundings in that all seemed too real – too accurate to how she was once part of this group. The rough texture of the jacket, feeling the weight of her own body, these were among many other details missing from her regular dreams. And from the looks of things, Arvo was leading them through a linear forest path towards the half-built house, just as he had done the day everything turned to shit.

But the strangest was yet to come. Her carrier hadn’t noticed she was awake, so she tried getting his attention, simply asking, “Kenny…?” Her voice completely threw her off. It possessed the innocence of a child, something she’d lost many years ago. By her modern standard, it was almost squeaky. The childlike voice was the beginning of a domino effect of even greater changes brought to her awareness.

First, she weighed less. Kenny was having a much easier time, especially without the contents of her jacket and pant’s bottomless pockets, which in itself proved to be the second point. Looking at her sleeves revealed the denim jacket she’d been wearing even before arriving at Ericson’s was replaced by the iconic – but still very ugly – blue jacket Bonnie once provided her with. And following the pattern, her retro outfit unveiled an embarrassing difference she considered the biggest of them all. Where she could feel the majority of her upper body pressed against Kenny’s back like normal, she couldn’t help but notice the absence of her breasts. Confusion toppled her headache the second it hit her. For them to suddenly vanish after having them only a minute prior felt… _weird_. “What the fuck is happening to me…”

“C-Clementine. You’re… You’re a-awake.” Kenny was falling apart, the surprise in his voice being the only thing keeping it together. She could only wonder as to why; this wasn’t like him at all. Clem didn’t know whether this was real, a dream, a hallucination or anything of the sort, but thanks to her mind’s evil tricks, she’d learnt to treat any version of her companions the same as one another, so inquired about his sudden shaken behaviour.

“Kenny, are you okay?” Only being able to see the one side, his face was as still as a statue. The only sound he made was the crushing of snow beneath his boots. She wasn’t going to receive an answer, so opted to try getting information about her environment. “So… Where are we? What’s happening?” God, she hated the sound of this childish voice.

“We’re on the road… You’ve been out ever since you collapsed last night,” he explained. It only left her asking more questions.

“Last night…? I thought I slept through the whole day,” she asked, not understanding how this aligned with what she’d been told by Lee.

“…You don’t remember?” He turned to face her past the blockade of bandages wrapped around his broken left eye. His expression was a bundle of anger, but more prominently, fear. Not fear of the monsters lurking in the darkness, but fear of losing the light guiding him through the cruel world. The sight of his lone remaining eye worried her after noticing he was on the verge of tears. It was the last clue she needed to piece together the mystery of her morning ‘dream’ of darkness. The echoed voices – especially the one closest to her - was Kenny talking to the rest of the group. She’d uncovered one answer, but that left many more to be discovered.

“Like I said, I thought I was asleep, so…” Her voice faded away, unsure of what to say.

His head rotated back to the group in front. The bloodied bandage was at the forefront of her angled view on him, digging out a guilt within her that had been buried for years. “Kenny, you… You didn’t have to sacrifice your eye just for me…”

“…It’s all right, Sweetie.” The volume of his voice dropped, and his head followed suite as he gazed upon the group’s footprints ahead, saying, “We’ve already been through this, don’t go worryin’ yourself over it.” He sighed and shook his head. He was about to get serious. “Look, do you remember when you were comin’ to see me on watch back at that power station? And how I ended up takin’ care of you because of how sick you were?”

“Back at the power station? …And I was sick? But that only happened when…” The pieces of the puzzle finally clicked together. Clementine was wide-eyed at the situation’s consistencies. She brought a hand to her face for confirmation. Her jawline and cheekbones both felt more defined, it lined up perfectly with the features the smaller body lacked. Her heart began to race - she was 11 years old again, and this was supposedly the day after she ended up at the power station the first time her body was sent back in time. “_What the fuck_…”

“It’s uh… It’s n-not like you to swear…” Fragility was wearing away at his voice again, and as it continued to crack under his bottled emotions did his next words break Clem’s heart. “Clementine, I’m… gonna be with you… right to the end, okay? You’re gonna be fine, Darlin’… _You’re gonna be fine_…” A lone tear escaped the covers of his eyepatch.

“Kenny, what are you talking about…?” She was tearing up just listening to him being at such a breaking point. She leaned forward, trying to get a glimpse of his eye but to no avail. He couldn’t look at her.

“When? When the hell were you gonna tell me?”

Her mind came to a blank. She ran through a list of events that happened around this time period in hopes of figuring out what he was referring to. Her list came up short, and she was left with nothing work with, nothing that involved her being in any danger at the very least. There was Arvo’s ambush, but he knew all about that, hell, he _fought_ in it. “I don’t know what you mean…”

He sighed again. There was a tint of anger in it as his breath hung in the air before him. “When were you gonna tell me…” From her piggyback position she could feel his body tensing. Clem prepared for the reveal as Kenny paused for a moment. The growing pit in her stomach was about to become a whole lot deeper.

“…That you were bitten.”

“I’m… _What_?” Her heart thundered against her ribcage just as it had done when the walker sunk its teeth into her leg. Sudden bursts of adrenaline fought against bone-chilling nerves for dominance over her body as both were pumped vigorously through her veins, causing her to unintentionally lock her hands in a tight grip of his jacket.

“When you passed out the second time… I waited until everyone was asleep, and I… I hope you don’t mind, but I was wonderin’ why you became sick so fast so I… checked you for bites. I didn’t go anywhere near anythin’ sensitive or nothin’, but,” his head drifted downwards and to the left. Her grip of the material tightened so much her knuckles became white; she knew exactly where he was looking. “…When I searched your leg…”

“Let me see.” She held her leg out straight and couldn’t take her eyes off it.

“But don’t you already-”

“_Kenny_.” Her mind was filled with too much dread to not see for herself. Beneath the silver pants could lie the mark that once signalled the end of her life, whether or not it meant anything here was unimportant to her, she just _had_ to see if it was there again.

He reluctantly agreed and allowed herself to drop to the floor. She knelt down next to his shadow. Taking a series of deep breaths, her hands pinched the ends of her pants. Frost latched onto her skin as she slowly pulled the clothing upwards.

Finding out if you had been handed a death-sentence for the second time was something Clementine absolutely wanted to avoid, but there was no mistaking it. There it was. Right next to a ravine brimming with dark clotted blood beneath her skin exactly where Minerva’s axe had sliced.

“Oh, Jesus…” Kenny released in a breath as he buried his face within his hands and turned away. Clem’s initial reaction was the exact same. It was one thing to see yourself bitten once, but twice? She couldn’t stop staring, her mind racing with questions. She leaned closer to get a better view of the wounds. There was a sign of hope. On closer inspection, the crevasses in her leg from each tooth mark were disguised under a thin new layer of skin. By staring closely, nothing indicated it was under a day old. Nor was there any blood to be found, just vivid patches of a deep purple where bruises had formed, housed inside outlines of the semi-scabbed skin where the walker’s corroded teeth made contact on the leg. Instead, it looked more like a fresh scar than how she’d last seen it beneath her now long-lost boot. Nevertheless, it was mistakenly a bite mark. The axe wound was no different, though unlike the bite, it looked nothing short of _horrible_, as if the blood inside was ready to burst at any moment. She didn’t want to even _think_ about touching it.

She breathed an enormous sigh of relief seeing they were only scars. Scars that could’ve easily been mistaken for fresh wounds, but scars nonetheless. Questions hung in the air about their presence on her younger body that were much too far out of her reach. Why were they on her younger body and not her older one? Were they supposed to appear on her new leg? And why was she reliving real events instead of relaxing back in front of the campfire? Knowing she’d be stuck in an endless cycle of questioning the impossible, her attention was directed to the man with his back turned to her.

As far as she was aware, if she hadn’t died from the bite after whatever was in it having entered her body for over month now, then she wasn’t dying at all. Her lips tightened at the possibility of being wrong. Logic didn’t count for much with living in a world where the dead could up and walk around, but it was a hope her heart clung onto after seeing Kenny breaking down mere steps away. When he grieved, she grieved, and convinced it was a false alarm, she moved to save him from his heart shattering any further than it already had. That was when she saw Luke hobbling back towards them from the corner of her eye.

“Hey, everything okay back here?” Kenny visibly jumped at his unexpected appearance. She hadn’t heard Luke’s voice in years, a faint smile forming on her lips at the sound of her old friend. It would’ve been nice to talk to him again, but Clementine’s priorities lay in Kenny. The AK-47 Luke used as a walking stick was planted in the ground a few metres away from her, and he immediately noticed her wounds upon surveying the two. “Woah, that looks like a nasty cut, you alright Clem?” He took a step forward, eyes fixed on her leg.

“Get the fuck away from her!” Kenny jumped in the gap between them, shielding her with outstretched arms. Was he blocking Luke from seeing the bite? Regardless, it earned a hostile reaction from the man worried about them.

“What?! I didn’t even-”

Rolling her pants back down, she looked up at Kenny’s back, calmly saying, “Luke.” She’d seen this situation a hundred times, there wasn’t anyone better than Clementine who knew how to deal with one of Kenny’s outbursts. He’d acted the exact same way when Sarita got bit, leading her to assume all he wanted was to spend her believed-to-be last minutes alive alone with her. Once you knew how, dealing with Kenny was actually quite straightforward. Well, at least it was to the only person in his life from this point on who accepted him instead of abandoning him, or perhaps, left his second chance at a son to die in a car and then made a pitiful attempt at murdering him for example. All you needed was patience and understanding. That’s it.

Luke leaned around the great wall of Kenny, giving her a worried expression. “Yeah?”

Her voice took on a gentle tone, not a motherly one – she was saving that for Kenny. Looking the limping man in the eyes, she explained, “There’s nothing to worry about, all right? Go catch up with Bonnie and the others. Please, if you could just leave us be for a bit that’d be great. We won’t be far behind.” 

“Ye-Yeah… Just… Go on back to the group.” Kenny was surprised by the brunette’s maturity about her condition. It made her convincing act seem a lot less believable, but to her relief Luke seemed to understand.

“You sure?” He asked, before receiving a nod accompanied by a warm smile. A cool wind brushed the back of her hair as Luke turned around, but not before taking a concerning glance over his shoulder at her protector as he departed. She stood up, ready for the main event. Kenny’s hands were trembling, and she knew it wasn’t from the cold.

She stood by his side, taking a hold of his left hand to stop the shaking. Her gaze fell upon the eye of a man whose sanity was hanging by the thinnest of threads. She relaxed her face, putting on her most comforting expression possible. “Kenny,” her voice travelled softly through the wind, the man in question giving her a look of undeniable fear. From his perspective, this could look as if she was preparing to say her final words. She asked, “When you found the bite, how long did you look at it?”

“N-N-Not for very long, I… saw it then I just… Oh God, Clem… First Duck, then Sarita… Now you… Please… I can’t be left alone again, Clem. You can’t…” His eye was desperately fighting to hold back a tsunami of tears. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw him like this, their final year together had been filled with such happiness that she almost forgot what they went through to earn those peaceful days. Still holding his hand, she stepped out in front of him only a footstep away, standing directly beneath the morning sun.

Tilting her head upwards in adjustment to him towering over her, she asked, “How much do you trust me?”

His face creased with worry, and his eye came to a close as he insisted behind a fragile voice, “With my life…”

“Then you have to trust me when I say- hey, look at me,” she broke away to ensure he could see the truth in her eyes. He reluctantly opened it again, and she brought her free left hand to his face, letting it float down his beard as she continued with her motherly nature, “I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’ve had that bite for months. The same goes for the gash. I’m sick for an entirely different reason, and it’s something not even I understand. It’s all right, really.”

As she explained herself, he was initially overcome with shock, but it soon dissolved into sorrow. He shook his head, pleading, “Don’t play fuckin’ games with me Clementine… Please.” It was clear he wanted to believe her, but anyone who survived this long knew what a bite meant. She couldn’t blame him. It had turned into a test of the trust they shared in each other, and it was one test she had no plans of failing.

Her gentle tone never wavered, she pressed on in hopes of soothing his pain. “I know what it looks like but believe me when I say that the bite you saw was only a scar. Kenny, I would never, _ever_ lie to you, especially about something this big.” She dropped her arm down to her pants, grabbing the material around her knees. “You can look again if you don’t believe me. Yes, it’s a walker bite, and yes, I…” She thought back to James’ barn where she’d accepted her death, right before her son performed the impossible. “…I should be dead. But I’m not. And now I’m not going anywhere without you. Do you believe me?”

He took a moment to think, his eye darting aimlessly around anywhere but her. _Just keep going, he’ll believe you_, she thought to encourage herself, unwillingly to give up on him. “Think about it, we’ve been together so far today and the entirety of yesterday and haven’t come across any walkers. The last time we were separated was when I went to find the observation deck, remember? That was two days ago, so I couldn’t have been bitten since then. And have you ever known a bite victim to survive more than a few hours, or even a full day?”

Eventually his distressed gaze came to fall upon her again, and she could see the thread holding his sanity together visibly shaking as he put everything into the faith he had for the girl. “You’re… r-really not bullshitting me? You’re… gonna be fine?”

“I’m not bullshitting anything. I’m not dying on you anytime soon, I promise.”

“So… It was just a-a false alarm?”

She gently nodded, giving him an affirmative, “The falsest.”

The tragic father stared endlessly into the distance, tears gleaming on his cheeks in the winter sunlight. For a while, he stood there, motionless, as a glimmer of hope reflected in his now puffy red eye upon the snow-covered landscape. “I… Uh…”

She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him into a warm embrace. Patting his back, she continued using her words to mend his fragile spirit. “Everything’s gonna be all right… I’m gonna be fine…” A set of arms encircled her back as Kenny returned the gesture, accepting the comforting hug to where he began laughing at the revelation.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again!” He exclaimed. His joy was contagious, and Clementine joined in on the laughter as she looked up at him. Mission accomplished.

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” she replied humorously before returning her head to his chest. The tension between the two evaporated, leaving them to take solace in each other’s company with Kenny’s last hope amid his shattered heart absorbing the overwhelming sense of relief. Clementine relished the moment. An early form of the forgotten relationship between the two was back and she felt a wave of nostalgia at having to repair him again alongside the familiar location. It was just like the old days.

A few seconds passed, and his grip became abruptly tighter. She soon found out why when the raspy laugh from above collapsed into faint whimpers, with the Floridian holding on to her for dear life. They became progressively louder, and she stood in silence allowing him to finally release the emotions locked away within his heart.

“I-I… I spent…” He sobbed quietly, “I spent the whole day t-thinkin’ it was your last… And I…”

“It’s okay Kenny, let it out.”

“Y-You look so pale, just like S-Sarita when she… A few hours ago, you started makin’ all these noises and were shakin’, and when you wouldn’t wake up I…” His voice became incredibly thin, it barely travelled through the air as he cried, “I thought you were turning…”

Her head had been locked beneath his chin in the hug, preventing her from looking up at him. As much as her heart relished the opportunity to comfort him, his confession sparked a question about the lengths he was willing to go for her. “Kenny, you thought I was dying… thought I was becoming a walker… and you still carried me? Even though I could’ve killed you…?”

“Yeah…” He managed to say between snivels. “You’re the only family I got left, Clem… _I had to_. I’m with you ‘til the very last breath…” His tears were a gentle rain to the roof of her hat. For years she’d have given anything to hear those words, anything to have him back in her life after killing him in the car accident. And despite that fantasy becoming a reality ever since Hershel’s farm, this was special. Whether or not this sudden leap through time was real or another of her mind’s cruel tricks didn’t matter. The only thing that _did_ matter, was that in this moment everything was, and felt too real to be considered make-believe. At least it was in her eyes, and nothing was going to change that. “If you die on me too… that’s it. I don’t know if I could go on anymore.”

“Hey, that goes for you too, you know. I couldn’t go on without you either.” _Not again, anyways_. Clementine mirrored Kenny’s secure grip of her in gratitude for his actions. The environment surrounding them was bitter; each drop of snow filtered through their open pours, cracking the skin from beneath to invite the relentless winds into an icy burn. But not here. She was safe and snug in his arms, their embrace an impenetrable forcefield from the elements. She gave him his thanks for his refusal to give up on her, it was a measly reward but all she could offer.

Questions remained about her whereabouts, her entire reason for being back here shroud amongst an unending tale of impossibilities with this frozen forest taking centre stage. A few seconds passed, and Kenny released his hold of her but was unable to escape the hug as Clementine blankly stared upon the white trees, her mind swirling with mysteries_. First I’m being carried through a forest in the summer, then a few seconds later it’s winter in a different year, different place, different body… hell, this is the first time in days I’m wearing matching shoes. That bitch just had to ruin the best pair of boots I’ve ever found…_ She sighed, her tiredness taking advantage of the stillness. The weight of the bags under her eyes were at least one connection she could draw between here and the motor inn. _Of course that was the one thing that had to carry over…_

“Uh… Clem?”

The snapping of fingers broke the brunette from her dead-end investigation. “Huh?” She looked up to see Kenny giving her an assuring smile.

“You can let go now…”

“Oh, sorry.” She felt the effects of leaving the hug’s protection immediately. The blue jacket couldn’t withstand the cold by itself where the wind shot up her sleeves, causing her to shiver at the chill spreading from head to toe. It was a stark contrast from the motel’s bustling environment.

Kenny was quick to notice her reaction, with it being the inspiration for them to keep moving. “Come on. We need to get you to that house, or wherever that _Ruskie’s_ takin’ us. I don’t like leavin’ AJ alone with them anyway.”

_AJ_… Talking to the man she raised him with filled her with guilt for what happened to the child. It was so tempting to confess everything to relieve even the smallest amount as it rapidly built in the presence of her and the child’s adoptive father but decided to keep it to herself as to not look delusional or make him worry. She remembered how heartbroken he was after believing his death to be true following the stunt Jane pulled and hated the thought of having to see that sunken face for the rest of his life. At least here both of them were alive… and that’s all Clem could hang onto to keep her grieving heart at bay.

She nodded, and he turned to make his way back to the group. Before he could take more than a few steps, Clem tugged at his sleeve as the fatigue brought out a child-like behaviour her younger body would’ve led him to believe, “Do you think you could carry me again? I’m not feeling great…”

He dawned a playful smirk as he shook his head, bent down and extending his arms. “Alright, alright, I get it. Get on,” he instructed, to which she shortly followed. “Ready?”

Letting her arms droop over his shoulders, she replied, “Yep…”

“Then off we go.” He stood up, and Clementine knew something was off before he took his first step. The sudden change in gravity latched onto the blood circulating her body, as if it were being dragged downwards when they ascended. Her head dropped sharply onto his right shoulder, trying to regain what it had lost but to no avail. She closed her eyes upon sensing a familiar dizziness at the forefront of her mind as it rummaged through her thoughts. The bouncing from every step were thorns to her sense of balance, forcing her to take action in supressing this feeling knowing what it usually results in.

By falling onto the side of his good eye, Kenny was able to notice her predicament as it happened. “Oh shit, what’s the matter Clem? You want me to stop?”

“Yes, yes please,” she confirmed between deep breathes. The sound of crunching snow came to stop, and Clem refused to open her eyes until her condition was stabilised. Dealing with the oncoming nausea was a game she was forced to play, but one she was slowly getting better at. Sight was just one of the many adversaries pitched against her. No vision, no problem. She may have been beaten every time thus far, but there wasn’t a chance in hell she was ever giving in and accepting her punishment. The next order of business was to clear her mind - not let it get a chance to think. The more it was in her thoughts, the more it thrived. She needed a distraction.

“Sorry Clem, I-I shoulda been more careful. You couldn’t even walk yesterday without passin’ out, I shoulda…” Disappointment filled the heavy breath he released. “I’m sorry.”

There was no better distraction than the man she lay on. She decided to rely on the first topic that sprung to mind and got to work. “It’s not your fault, don’t worry… And when we catch up to the others, we’ve gotta work on your anger towards ‘The Ruskie’.”

“Not you too…” he grumbled.

“Kenny, listen.” Kenny’s mental issues were the perfect subject. It was gritty, but more importantly, it was something she could help him with. Her 11-year-old self was afraid to see him walking down such a dark path, but now she couldn’t relate more. “I’m not saying this because I want you to like Arvo or anything, I’m really not. If someone tried robbing me like that, I’d be the first to put a bullet in them,” she said with confidence, so much so that she could tell Kenny was surprised without having to look at him. “It’s just… I know what it’s like. That rage simmering at the back of your mind… It consumes you, turns you into a… a monster.” Her voice was delicate as she recalled every time it’d happened to her thus far, urging her to say, “I don’t want you suffering like that.”

“Clementine, answer me this,” he said with a hint of suspicion.

“What is it?” The wind whistled in her ears as Kenny took a few second to respond.

“I don’t mean to doubt you again, but you’re speakin’ from experience, aren’t you?”

Making progress keeping the nausea away, she planted her head next to his, using his beard as a makeshift pillow. As she tried getting herself more comfortable, her reply was a groaned, “Mhm,” out of shame for her past actions. “We can start moving again, by the way.”

He began walking at a much slower pace than before, and after taking the first few steps, he mumbled, “Thought so…” in response to her answer. “You know I’d have given you hell if I thought you weren’t bein’ serious, right?”

His semi-joking remark earned a smile from the teen who knew him long enough to picture exactly how that scene would play out. “I know, I know… But you agreed to help me, so now I want to help you.” Her thoughts were brought back to their talk at the motor inn earlier in the day. “I don’t want to see you losing yourself to it… so when it starts to happen, I’ll distract you, talk to you or just hug the living shit out of you.” She attempted replicated her commanding presence only for it to fall short to the fatigue invading her voice. Riding the wave of a yawn, she quietly breathed, “_But I’d never shoot you_…” after thinking about her final method. “I don’t care if the others think it looks weird. I’m not letting you go through this alone.” To finish her speech, she imitated the way he assured her when agreeing to her aid, even somewhat mimicking his Floridian accent. “You can count on me.”

He was silent. She debated opening her eyes to see his reaction but the fear of losing progress with her nausea kept them shut, and she most certainly didn’t want to test her dizziness. The two continued down the trail at a slow pace for what felt like hours. The wind was a harsh reminder of their location, unwilling to be ignored by the brunette’s chosen lack of vision. It sliced her cheek as it suddenly picked up, bringing her to realise how only the right side of her face was under fire. The other was enjoying a pleasant warmth while it rested on her ‘pillow’. That confirmed it; she was _definitely_ missing his beard back at the motor inn. She decided against following up on questions regarding whether she would even return there in the near future, and to her relief, the man in question finally responded to her speech.

He was full of suspicion, but still possessed no ill-intent. “…What’s gotten into you?” 

Her heart began pounding from nerves and she couldn’t explain why. He was asking a normal question, but her mind was filled with doubt about just how normal it really was. She was placed back in her younger body; her personality wasn’t the same is it once was, making her worried if that’s what he was suspicious about. “What… what do you mean?”

“Maybe it’s me bein’ paranoid… but I swear you’re… different.” Her heart skipped a beat; she assumed his explanation was going to take a negative turn. He interpreted her silence as a means to continue. “When I first saw you back at the lodge, I thought I was dreamin’… And when you sat down next to me, and we shared that meal… well, I could tell that you were different now. Grown up. I felt… pride… a pride I hadn’t felt in a long time.” The pride he spoke of was radiating in his voice. Her cheeks brushed against his facial hair as a smile was brought to her face. She was reminded of the first time she’d heard this, a time when she was too depressed over the then-recent events to appreciate his kind words. That was only one of his many characteristics she adored. He was never afraid to speak his mind - sometimes for better or worse – especially when it came to telling people how much he loved them. He treated every waking moment as if it was their last; every morning he’d ask how she was, to see if she was happy as she exited her tent. Then to see if she was hungry, then to see if she was cold, then again to see if she was okay… the list went on and on. Everything he did was to ensure that as much as possible, she could live life to the fullest like the child she really was, and throughout all the hardships forced upon her since the world ended, she could safely say there was a part of her life where she genuinely enjoyed her childhood in the apocalypse. And it was all thanks to him.

Having closed her eyes for so long tricked her mind into thinking she was trying to sleep, and after taking in those comforting words, Clementine began falling into the fatigue’s temptation. Her mind drifted in the silence that followed. She crossed her arms loosely around his neck just as she had in the forest outside the motor inn, and just before all her senses faded, Kenny’s voice was the only thing her mind clung onto to stay awake.

“But ever since you woke up today… I don’t know how to say it. When you were tellin’ me you were gonna be fine… It’s like… I was lookin’ at a grown woman. You’ve got a different look about you. Even the way you speak…” Clem was fully attentive as his descriptions developed. She eagerly waited for more, and after a short pause, her patience payed off. “I really started noticin’ it when you were goin’ on about helpin’ me when I… you know… You just seem so mature. Responsible. Like I said, it’s like you’ve grown into an adult overnight. You make the rest of us look like kids… even me. Sorry if I’m wrong and it sounds like I’m ramblin’… I’m just so proud of how far you’ve come from colourin’ with Duck at the motor inn.”

Mature. Responsible. Those words elevated her smile into a broad arc that she hoped the Floridian could see. She felt so accomplished. It reminded her of her parents, and how similar it was to when they used to compliment her about her school projects, soccer practise, or any time she showed independence. In all her years in the apocalypse, Kenny was the only one capable of making her feel like the child she was supposed to be again. The only one to give her a reason to feel proud of herself amongst all the world’s horrors. And right now, just like a little kid, her heart fluttered in excitement; she couldn’t remember the last time she could feel genuinely happy about herself. With AJ’s death driving her to focus on other people so much, it was almost a new experience altogether, and one she didn’t know she missed. Again, it was all thanks to Kenny. They were only his observations, but his words meant the world to her. She never expected a strange phenomenon such as waking up in a different time and place would lead to her finding some form of redemption. Despite him being unaware of the events at Ericson’s, him still being proud of her was like an enormous weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Fighting together, raising a child together, loving one another… She concluded that after the death of her biological parents, if there was ever a person she could confidently label as her father, it was him.

“Thank you…” she sniffled, her closed eyes being the dam holding back a river of tears. “You don’t know h-how much that m-means to me… I…” Oh fuck it. She’d been waiting years to finally say it again, and no amount of snow, wind, or nausea could ruin this moment. It wasn’t a Kenny she’d raised a baby with yet, but it was still him nonetheless, and she needed to make it clear just how important he was to her. “I love you, Kenny… Thank you…”

For once she felt on top of the world. For a while, she simply revelled in the feeling as she silently hung on from his back. The only problem being is that it didn’t last long as a strained voice presented itself.

“_That’s great, Clem… But do you mind easin’ up a bit? I can hardly_…” he wheezed trying to inhale, “_Breathe_…” It then hit her just how tightly her arms were wrapped around his neck, and she immediately dropped them to his chest after realising she’d almost strangled him.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know I was-”

“It’s alright darlin’, nothin’ to get worked up over,” he assured between a fit of deep breathes. Regaining his composure, the visors of their hats collided where she could tell he was looking straight at her. “Clem… I… I didn’t know you felt like that… Goddamnit I’m so happy right now I can’t even tell ya, I… I-I didn’t think I would ever see another day where…” His tone suddenly shifted into worry from seemingly out of nowhere as he abruptly said, “Oh shit.” The contrast in atmospheres caused the affectionate teen to panic.

“W-What’s wrong?”

“We’ve just come over a slope. Down the path the group’s standin’ with the Ruskie in front of a frozen lake.”

“A frozen lake!?” screeched Clementine at the obstacle that was a regular in her nightmares. Her mind became a madhouse of memories fighting for dominance. Luke’s face as he stepped on the cracks, the bone-chilling cold of the hidden water, and the worst one of them all, her friend’s lifeless corpse floating an arm’s distance away. And now the group was way ahead of her, making any chance of preventing the tragedy nearly impossible. Her eyes shot open to see the distance between them, and it proved to be the biggest mistake she’d made that day. 

The forest became a freezeframe. Time slowed down as her tears painted a glossy still image upon her eyes, the small group of survivors almost blurring together from the watery distortion. Squinting to create a sharper view was a feeble attempt at surpassing it. She couldn’t pinpoint their exact location, so to better her understanding of the danger she looked further into the distance towards the half-built house to use as a reference point. Her eyes tracked the movement of her gaze, but the world around her didn’t. The whites of the ground and parallel trees around her slid over and merged with the light blues of the lake, as if water had been swept across wet paint.

Out of shock, she looked away from the jumbled landscape and instead up to the sky which was the green flag for her nausea to set course for her stomach. The combination of blues and whites from the lake dragged into the clouds turning the sky into a fuzzy pale grey as the sun wobbled amongst the blurry chaos. A fuse had been lit through her digestive system, sending a cruel wave of déjà vu to be her final thoughts before her stomach would explode. The blurry colours, the wobbling star, the sensation was identical to that she experienced after using Louis’ time box and arriving at the power station for the first time. And after remembering how that ended, her heart became a drum beating uncontrollably to a faulty rhythm as her breathing matched the carnage, her body falling into an automated defence mechanism with her gritted teeth chipped by the manic flow of air piercing through the cracks. The only thing in her sight not succumbing to the blur was Kenny.

She gripped onto his shoulders as if it were her lifeline. Her mind couldn’t interpret any visual information; she became lightheaded where the constant bobbing from being carried only made matters worse. A series of rough groans escaped her mouth acting as the appetiser to the main course brewing from within. 

“Oh shit!” her carrier gasped. “Clem, what’s wrong?”

The two shared the same fear. She pushed herself away from his shoulder feeling her stomach drowning deeper within its own produce. She didn’t want this to happen. It was bad enough with her senses intact, let alone when her vision became an endless supply of fuel for the fire. Being the only thing still visibly clear, he was her only hope of support as she prepared for the torture to begin, begging him, “Please, whatever you do… don’t let g-”

Her head jolted to the right as she hurled over his shoulder.

“Fuck! Not again… Hang on Clem!” Her arms slid down his back when Kenny caught sight of the vomit, immediately lowering her to the ground. The falling sensation caused her stomach to do somersaults in its already fiery state.

_No… Stop, please…_ The words couldn’t leave her mouth; they were blocked by another stream of fire hot enough to melt the snow beneath them. She fell to her knees, the impact from the ground an earthquake to her body that left her feeling twice as heavy. She clutched onto Kenny’s right leg to prevent herself from shaking. Her vision was filled with the blur that ignited the fire in the first place, making the extra stability from his leg a fruitless endeavour in stopping the onslaught.

“Kat! _Kat_!” she heard Kenny screaming down the path. He knelt beside her all the while she had almost ripped his pants from grabbing onto him so hard. Not having the energy to think, she looked up at him in a pause between hurls out of confusion for calling his wife’s name. His pants all the way up to his beard fell into the blur’s reach, filling her with dread about him completely disappearing and leaving her in the grey wasteland all alone.

She looked into his eyes as the dread settled onto every nerve in her body, causing her to shiver. “Don’t let it happen to you too… please Ke-” Her eyes slammed shut upon her stomach becoming drastically more painful. She returned to inflicting a plague upon a floor that lost its cold bite against her fingers as she fell forward. Her outstretched arms prevented herself from falling headfirst into the puddle of sick, and she could hear the voice of a young boy and his mother approaching directly ahead.

“Oh my God… Ken, what happened?”

“Mommy, is she going to be okay?” She recognised them instantly. They weren’t supposed to be here; her eyes stayed shut out of belief that her eyesight wouldn’t have improved, despite desperately wanting to find out what the hell was going on.

Katjaa couldn’t deny the poor girl’s suffering. She tried reassuring her son for his sake with clear uncertainty carried in her voice. “Y… Yes. She’ll be fine, Ducky. Don’t worry… _Kenny_.”

“I was just gonna ask her for directions! Shit, I didn’t mean to…”

As he tried defending himself, Clementine unleashed one final heave, finishing with a deep scream in response to her burning gut. “_Argh_!”

“Woah, woah, woah… are you alright?” The voice to her left was full of worry. She wanted to see him, to make sure he hadn’t fully become a victim to the blur and that he was still there, but she couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes. The slightest touch and her feeble arms would collapse. Her lungs ached from the shear amount of air passing through them being used to alleviate the heat dripping from her mouth. She silently begged that they’d reached the stream so she could refresh herself, and that’s when she remembered an item stored in her jacket for these exact moments.

_The water!_ she reminded herself, an arm rummaging through her pockets until they found the plastic bottle, and after doing so, she immediately unscrewed the lid and brought it to her lips. She tilted her head back further and further… but nothing came out. Her eyebrows shaped into a frown in annoyance. Every last drop had been used back in Macon after the initial car journey getting into the city. Her stinging taste buds taunted her for the failure. Annoyance quickly evolved into anger as she shouted, “Fuck!” whilst throwing the bottle away from her. The feeling swelled in her mind, cursing the world for the pain she was forced to endure.

_Why? What the fuck did I do to deserve this? I took a whole day’s rest to sort this out, and it’s **still** happening! What the fuck do you want me to do?!_ She’d stepped through the door. A hand had been gently placed on her right shoulder, provoking the growing anger to thunder against her chest at the hand’s impact.

“Clementine, sweetie, could you-” The comforting voice came to an abrupt stop as the brunette growled and snatched at the arm touching her, grabbing it by the wrist and trapping it in a tight squeeze. She turned in their direction, ready to rip them to shreds. Her eyes darted open to see a wide-eyed Katjaa on her knees alongside her son. Both were leaning away from her, with the mother’s eyes going back and forth between her wrist and the girl staring with murderous intent.

Clementine soon matched their scared expression upon realising what she was about to do to them, especially after she’d already recognised them before the rage clouded her mind. An apology was stuck in her throat as guilt overrode her mindset, leaving her more confused than when she awoke in the frozen forest. Her attention was brought to the subject. She was back in the forest behind the motel and her vision was crystal clear. She swivelled round to check on the man also on his knees of upmost importance to her in the group of four. There he was, beardless and without his jacket, but there nonetheless. She flung her arms around him, planting her head against his white shirt following the influence of a great sense of relief in seeing him as normal.

The hug caught Kenny by surprise, and it was evident in his voice. “Hey there, Clementine… You’re not uh… _goin’ crazy_, or anything…?”

“Just shut up for a second…” she said softly, wanting to give herself a moment to regain her composure.

“Kenny, that is no way to speak to a young lady,” Katjaa lectured, and the pair were quick to engage in an argument with Kenny trying to defend himself without revealing what they’d spoken about in private. She did her best to ignore it and instead focused on bringing her heartbeat under control. A mantra repeated in her head, one that reassured her the ground wasn’t covered in snow, that Luke wasn’t about to fall into a frozen lake, and that Kenny was still here. Everything was back to normal. It did enough to convince her and taking a deep breath to sooth her hoarse throat, she pulled away from the one-sided hug. But just to be 100% sure _everything_ was back to normal, she tested for the weirdest part of her misadventure. She briefly looked at her hands and proceeded to press them against herself to feel her chest. Her eyes scanned her outfit at the same time. A boot, a black running shoe, ivy green cargo pants, Henley shirt, and a white hoodie tucked behind a blue denim jacket. Yep. Definitely back to normal.

She didn’t notice the argument had fallen silent some time ago until Kenny awkwardly asked, “Uh… Clementine? What are you doin’?” His eyes were shooting anywhere except in her direction, and she soon caught on as to why seeing where her hands were still placed. She realised how strange it must’ve looked, with only just coming off from a violent vomiting round and hugging him not doing her any favours. Not wanting to drag out the awkward situation, she brushed off the question and used her hands for something more productive by pushing herself off the ground as she stood up, albeit, with some difficulty.

Her struggle didn’t go unnoticed, encouraging him to ask, “Hey, are you okay after all that? I think you should take it easy.”

Being back in the present day, in her eyes she had no choice but to continue where she left off. There would be time to wonder about what the fuck just happened later, if things were back to normal, then that meant she had a job to do. Putting the winter forest behind her for now, the day’s objectives ran through her head before she returned to her leader persona.

“It’s fine. It… wasn’t as painful as the last few times. Now, you wanted directions?” She quickly surveyed the area. “We’re coming to the end of the treeline now for the clearing. And…” Her head tilted to get a better view around the various trees. “There’s that rock I was telling you about. Following that path will bring us straight to the stream.”

“Alright then… Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get a move on,” Kenny readily suggested as he helped his wife off the ground. Where Clementine had grabbed burned a red ring around the woman’s wrist. She couldn’t set off without apologising for failing to control herself, the guilt becoming more substantial with every time it happened.

“I’m so sorry for grabbing you like that, Katjaa… I didn’t mean to.”

Katjaa forced a smile, assuring, “It’s okay… You were just scared,” before her expression dropped. She glanced at the area of ground polluted by sick, before stepping closer to examine the brunette’s face. Clem had already seen her reflection that morning, but she could’ve only assumed her condition looked even worse to those who hadn’t grown accustomed to it as Katjaa’s offer for help strayed more into a plea.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m always here if you change your mind. It wouldn’t be any trouble, I promise. We don’t have much but I’m sure we could find you some medicine…”

Clementine couldn’t look her in the eyes anymore. She _wanted_ to accept the help, but at the same time she was a firm believer there was nothing to cure. She thought of it more as if her body had damaged rather than fallen ill, so that the only real remedy to heal her wounds would, ironically, be time. It could’ve been interpreted in a way that on the day that she and Louis used the time box together, because she ended up occupying her 11 year-old self before returning back to her current form, it was if she was trying to fit two bodies/versions of herself into one. And with that theory being one of the only ones she could think of, it only put her off trying medicine even more. She could barely handle her basic 5 senses; with the amount of possible side effects from certain treatments, who knew how catastrophic it could be on her body. But ultimately, she knew that opening up about it could reveal her secret to the group, something she wanted to avoid until she had time to give it more thought.

Seeing she wasn’t making much progress, Katjaa tried one more time to persuade her. “We care about you, Clementine. You don’t have to keep forcing yourself to do so much…”

_But if I don’t, it’ll be harder on the rest of you…_

“…No-one wants to see you in so much pain. Please, come find me if you start feeling sick again. If you don’t want to take any medicine, we can always find another way to help, even if it’s just a little.”

Enjoying the comfort of a mother’s care was a foreign concept to the young survivor. The offer unintentionally played on the temptation of reliving what she had been forced to grow up without. The last motherly figure in her life was Christa, but deep-down, Clem knew that wasn’t the same. Ever since Omid’s death, the two weren’t happy together, not like she and Kenny continued to be after Wellington. Over a year of her life was spent surviving with her, yet she hadn’t a single proper fond memory of the time. Near the end of their journey, it seemed as if they were connected only through Lee’ sacrifice and Omid’s liking towards her, not for what they actually thought of each other.

Being back with a happy family like Kenny’s highlighted how much she really missed her parents despite having accepted their fate for so long. They couldn’t ever truly be replaced, but Kenny had at least filled the void left by her dad so well that she could confidently call him her own. So when it came to Katjaa, Clem could only hope she could do the same as Kenny for her mother’s place. She didn’t _need_ their support; her survival skills alone had brought her thus far. But the idea of experiencing what is was like to have parents again was something even the toughened survivor she currently was dearly missed.

“I’ll… think about it,” she replied with uncertainty. It earned an understanding nod from Katjaa, and the group looked ready to set off until Duck followed up on his unanswered question.

“…Are you gonna be okay?” he asked in his nasally voice. Stood in his mother’s shadow, Clem noticed how reserved he was compared to his usual cheerfulness.

She leaned over slightly, giving him a gentle smile. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry. I… I didn’t scare you when I grabbed your mom, did I?”

His eyes fell to the floor. “Um… No…” She knew that meant ‘yes’. Hearing such an innocent boy that was also her old friend being afraid of her made her feel even more guilty than what she’d done to Katjaa.

“I’m sorry, Duck. I know I can be scary sometimes…” she trailed off with a sigh. Turning to Katjaa, she requested, “I’d like a minute to talk to Kenny in private, if you don’t mind.”

She glanced over the brunette’s shoulder to her husband then back, reluctantly agreeing. “Okay… Come on, Ducky.”

“Wait for us by the rock, hon. We won’t be far behind.” Following Kenny’s suggestion, Katjaa and Duck continued on through the forest, giving the two some space. Clementine’s gaze didn’t leave them as they strolled ahead, the only thing on her mind was how she ready she was to hurt the woman who only tried to help after she was sick.

“That’s how easy it is…” she thought out loud.

“Easy? What do you mean?”

She turned to face him, sounding defeated. “That’s how easy it is for me to lose myself. You weren’t wrong when you asked if I was going crazy.” Shrugging, she admitted, “I was.”

“Shit… really?” His question was confirmed with a simple nod, making him curious about what led to her latest anger episode. “What got you so riled up? Was it ‘cus you were sick?”

Her eyes fell to the floor and she placed her hands by her hips. “I guess so… All I want is to make this a safe place for you all, but…” Bitterness was settling on her lips, leaking the anger she was trying to contain into her words. “Do you know what it’s like to going to sleep knowing the next time you wake up it’s straight back to a beatdown? There’s so much I need to do… but this piece of shit body makes it so _fucking_ hard to do anything, I just…” The thumping against her chest was getting louder, and her rant showed no signs of stopping. “I _thought_ coming to this motor inn would make things easier. But no, nothing’s changed. Lee keeps me in bed an entire day, and I’m right back to square one.”

Kenny, who had been patiently listening up until now, tried to step in noticing her gradual change in attitude. “Clem, no-one gets better in a day…”

“You think that makes me feel better?!” She lashed out of him, her shout echoing through the forest. His wide eyes were a symbol of how far she’d fallen. First Katjaa, now Kenny. The fierce scowl she didn’t know she was making dropped out of the guilt of realising what’d happened. She grimaced as a clenched fist covered her heart, with every beat feeling like the blade of a knife jabbing her ribcage. It may have only been a small outburst, but to her if felt like a betrayal. “I’m so sorry…”

She closed her eyes and set her attention on her fist. It acted as the barrier between a vicious animal and the outside world, one that was roaring through its cage. She couldn’t deny it. Her heart was infected with rage, and it scared her to think of how dangerous she was becoming when it was free to build up at its own pace like it was.

A hand on her shoulder caused her to jump. Kenny was giving her a comforting look from a crouched position, contrasting that of the distress covering her features. “It’s all right, don’t worry about it. We just need to find you a place to cool off is all.”

She sounded dejected in her reply. “I don’t think that’ll work.” Giving it time to settle down was a luxury she couldn’t afford to try with so many important people around her. She was convinced a short-term solution was the best option. Her mind was instantly drawn to one that she believed had worked for her before _and_ already had lots of experience with. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a walker in sight to use as a punching bag.

“Why? Is somethin’ the matter?”

She looked down to her fist. “I think it’d be safer… for everyone… if I…” As if on cue, the sounds of the dead moaned from the shadows in the far distance. Her ears perked up to the familiar sound, eyes shooting in the direction of her prey.

“Fuck. Shoutin’ musta drawn ‘em. We should get goin’… Hey, Clem? Clementine?” Kenny had already taken a step in the stream’s direction before turning back around. He watched as the troubled teen didn’t move a muscle. Her narrowed gaze was solely fixed on the trees behind them, looking as if she would pounce at the sight of any movement. This was her chance. With her taking on a predatory stance, Kenny pieced together her denial towards his suggestion. “Is this what you had in mind to cool off, instead of what I…”

She gave him an affirmative nod before he could finish. Sensing the walkers were getting closer, her hand reached for the back pocket housing the deadly screwdriver but was stopped as Kenny ran in front of her, gently holding the side of her arms. With her view of the walkers blocked, she had no choice but to listen to the anxious man.

“Hey, um, look Clementine… I know you probably wanna tear those things apart, but I don’t wanna leave my wife and kid alone while they’re roaming all over the place.” Kenny clearly understood what was important to her from her rants, so directly appealed to her protective nature. “Let’s make sure they’re safe, okay?”

_He’s right_, she thought to herself. Her growing desire for bloodlust eagerly anticipated a walker to emerge, but for the sake of his family she tried supressing the urges once more in order to maintain control of herself.

“Y… Yeah.” She lowered the hand itching to get a hold of the weapon and took a deep breath. “Let’s go.” With that, she quickly retrieved the empty water bottle nearby and they began making their way to the treeline where Katjaa and Duck were waiting for them. As they walked, Clem tried to ignore the strain given from her stomach area, feeling the effects of her latest vomiting round. It was a more difficult task than she’d hoped, evidenced by her habit of covering the area with her arm set in motion. Kenny picked up on the repeated behaviour, inspiring him to question her about it.

“So… Kat’s had her suspicions about why you do that…”

Unaware of what he was referring to, she asked, “Do what?”

“Coverin’ your abdomen, I mean. Uh… You said you had a boyfriend, right?”

Clementine raised an eyebrow, wondering how those two things could’ve possibly connected. “Yeah, his name’s Louis. Why…?”

“Well Kat’s been wanting to know, but I don’t think she’s confident enough to ask you herself so… There ain’t a pretty way to say this to you Clementine, so I’m just gonna say it.” From the way he looked, the girl in question knew it’d be a heavy hitter. They walked in silence until Kenny eventually mustered up the courage to open his mouth.

“…”


	12. In Cold Comfort (Part II)

“You’re not pregnant, are you?”

Her eyes went wide in shock. “What? No! Why would you say that?”

“Well I gotta ask!” She could tell he had good intentions, but it didn’t make her feel any less embarrassed as blood rushed to her cheeks. That was Kenny all right. Never afraid to be direct. The embarrassment urged her to defend herself.

“I use my hand to support my stomach, _thank you_! I’ve been throwing up before we even met and it really fucking hurts, got that?” She couldn’t believe it; she’d never been asked something like that before. It took her by complete surprise. The implications behind the question were lost on her. It became impossible in her mind to determine why _that_ was the one thing Katjaa was wondering about. She was only 16! …or 17. To be honest she didn’t really know her exact age but growing up in a functioning society only up until 1st grade left her naïve enough to think such a question was ridiculous for someone her age. 

_Is this the type of thing a normal teenage girl gets asked? Or is she just looking out for me?_ Her head became a circus of questions racing around to find no answers. _How would that make any sense? I was only with Louis for just over a month. That would mean we would’ve had to…_ Steam escaped from her pores; the forest became a sauna as she scrambled to clear her mind of any suggestive thoughts. With day-to-day survival requiring her constant attention, her hormones thrived in any of the rare opportunities they received. There was her poor health, her recent mental issues, both had their own methods to be dealt with, but if there was one battle the poor girl was almost clueless about, it was puberty. Spending next to all of the time she’d been, as Javi would put it, ‘blossoming into her womanhood’ alone didn’t exactly help. Speaking of Javi, she initially couldn’t understand why he was acting so awkwardly when saying it was possible for her to become a mom, but thanks to this she was starting to see where he was coming from.

She shot him an accusing glare. “I’ve never even… _done that_ before… Why the hell would you even think that?”

“Hey, don’t look at _me_ like that. Kat always mentions how you never want to talk about it and thought you were showin’ symptoms. I don’t know, ask her!” Their discussion dissolved into the back and forth of them nervously defending themselves. Little did she know it, but the argument proved to be the perfect distraction from her anger issues.

Unfortunately for her however, they’d soon exhausted any remarks they had on the topic before it ever got going, and eventually the sounds of walkers overcame the forest again. This wasn’t the type of conversation she’d ever thought of having while trying to set up a perfect life for them at the motel; she couldn’t tell if it was him not was taking matters seriously or if her focus on the day’s tasks were putting on a stress she couldn’t handle. A fist covered her heart again. Every heartbeat felt different now than they did at the start of the day, like there was being more force put into them. As if they were more… violent. _That_ was having sort of influence, she was sure of it. She wondered that if the same question was asked of her before they set off whether she would’ve reacted so bitterly. Pondering over the answer dragged a sigh out of her, becoming more worried about her mental state the more it affected her actions. She looked back at him thinking she should apologise for her behaviour.

Disappointment was written across his face as his eyes traced to the grass below them, and she couldn’t understand why. As she hesitated her apology trying to make sense of it, they continued on in silence until he muttered under his breath, “It is kind of a shame, though.”

“And what that supposed to mean?” She unintentionally snapped back with hostility and regretted it upon seeing him act so sympathetic towards her.

“At least we’d’a known what was wrong with you… Yeah it wouldn’t have been great, but we would’ve been able to help, you know?” He sighed, a hint of affection in his voice was drowned in pity as he said, “I’m sorry for askin’ that, I know it’s a touchy subject… It’s just you’re puttin’ in so much effort for me and my family when anyone else in your shoes would be takin’ care of themselves. I can’t imagine how hard all this shit’s been on you… and yet you’re the only one who’s ever put their life on the line for us. More than once. I don’t know how I’d be if I lost my family…” He fell silent for a second, and a prideful smile replaced his previously gloomy demeanour. “I never thought that out of a group of adults in the apocalypse, I’d end up trusting a kid the most.”

His words felt so rewarding, as if going through all the pain was worth it. Twice in one day, and by two completely different versions of himself had he given her a reason to be proud. How he always managed to bring her back into the light at her darkest moments was just another thing she loved about him but hearing that he trusted her the most rekindled the sense of accomplishment experienced in the winter forest.

She beamed at him, always grateful for his support no matter where, or when it came from. “I didn’t know you were only asking if I was pregnant to help me, I’m sorry if I sounded harsh at all… Just know I’ll always put my life on the line for you, I lo-” she cut herself off. She desperately wanted to say she loved him in a moment everything was undoubtedly real, but the reality of the situation forced her to hold back. It wouldn’t sound right after meeting only a few days ago. Thinking of a way to rephrase her affection for him, she carried on with, “…you’re precious to me. You, Katjaa, and Duck. You’ve all been so kind to me; I won’t let anything happen to you all. I already promised I’d protect you.”

“You did?” He was visibly surprised, and it became the reminder for her that she’d made the promise in a dream, not to his face.

“Yeah… Well now you know. And I never break promises. You can trust me on that, I’ve always…”

“AHH!” A child-like scream sliced through their peaceful talk.

“AJ?!” She screamed back on instinct. The pair froze on the spot, sharing a panic-ridden glance. They’d become oblivious to their surroundings walking together. Her senses were on high alert at the sound of danger. Walkers could be heard up ahead, their sickening groans a warning siren at the source of so many painful memories that made her blood run cold in knowing who was waiting for them in the same direction.

“Kenny! Help!” Another scream. Clementine’s survival mode promptly kicked in, lifting her feet off the ground as she was engaged in a full-on sprint towards to meet-up spot, despite her body’s many objections. Sunlight from the clearing shone between the black shadows of the trees like a finish line.

Her boots skidding in the mud to a stop as she raced through the treeline, setting foot into an open meadow. She landed on the path leading to the stream, her eyes immediately setting their sights on the rock dead ahead where the trail of flattened grass swerved off to the right. There they were. Duck was to the right. Katjaa was to the left. Both were slowly reversing towards the rock as a pair of walkers each approached their next meal.

Duck’s frightened expression was the key to unlocking the animal’s cage. Her veins burned from the overwhelming adrenaline bursting out from her untamed heart. She did nothing to stop the rage exploding onto the scene; it had been suppressed long enough and presented itself as the perfect weapon to prevent a tragedy. Her mind was quickly giving in to the bloodthirsty nature. The edges of her vision deformed the vibrant greens of the meadow into a dense black; her entire world revolved around the events dead ahead.

Kenny emerged from the treeline. His shouts were a call to arms. Her favoured right hand eagerly glided towards her back pocket containing the screwdriver, ready to charge into battle. _Finally_ it would get the action it oh so deserved. She couldn’t wait. The walkers needed to pay for endangering the family. Her hand covered every pocket, but the screwdriver never came. Neither did her pistol. She checked her jacket. Nothing. No screwdriver, no pistol. Only an empty plastic bottle.

~~

“_Come on Clem, let’s get those weapons off you and get you under the covers, alright?” To his genuine surprise, she complied immediately, handing him the screwdriver and pistol before her arms went limp again. That went easier than expected…_

~~

Her heart stopped. The memory of handing over her weapons to Lee zapped the anger out of her, leaving shear panic in its place. Having no time to think, her eyes frantically searched every corner of the open field for a weapon. Everywhere she looked was an ocean of flowers or the grass they grew on. She double checked her search. Tripled checked it. Re-checked every pocket just to make sure. But she still came up with nothing, that was, until her eyes fell upon her saving grace. Her surviving right boot. It was as effective as any knife if used right.

The walkers were a few steps away. She still had time, and not wanting to gamble any more away, she placed her hope in the footwear and made a mad dash for the walkers. Kenny wasn’t far behind, reacting immediately to her movement. Any resistance given from her stomach was washed away from the fight-or-flight response empowering her every step.

Left, or right. Katjaa, or Duck. It was impossible to take on both; she had to decide in the next few seconds who to save and pray that Kenny would take care of the other. But to decide who to guarantee the safety of between the two people she promised to protect was heart-breaking amidst the crisis. Hesitating, she slowed down on her approach and watched as Duck turned to his mother on the verge of tears. _“Mommy…?”_

**_AJ!_** Her instincts screamed. It made the choice itself, sending bolts of lightning throughout her body to reawaken the adrenaline clogged in her veins. The walker stretched its rotting arm out to the boy. His shrieks for help were the order for her heart to return to fighting form; the commanding organ fuelled her muscles with blood roaring to save her friend, with the underlying rage sneaking through undercover.

Her left leg was a battering ram to the side of the walker’s knee, shattering the bone and driving its body to the floor. A set of grey eyes stared at her, furious for interrupting their meal. In return, she stared down upon everything she’s ever hated in the world. Her mind was becoming as clouded as the dead eyes inciting its fury. She raised her right leg, her heart the drumroll to a much-anticipated execution. It didn’t deserve any last words. Empty groans filled the meadow, and the guillotine dropped. Its skull was met with a satisfying crunch from her boot. The upper half of the corpse’s face merged with ground. A victorious beat played against her chest, but the longer she stared at the lifeless body, the louder and heavier it got.

Only half of its face wasn’t enough. It was an efficient kill, but one that didn’t satisfy her blackened heart. She raised her foot again, wanting to shatter every bone in its body. The rage was given free reigns, there were no signs of hesitation as the boot thundered against the skull once more, smashing the jaw until it fell apart. She couldn’t deny it: it felt good. To have the things that destroyed your life powerless beneath your wrath brought on a sweet sense of vengeance stimulated by her broken mind. Looking down on the deformed head, she craved more. Her leg lifted on its own. Darkness channelled into her foot in preparation for the next round. And just as it was about to begin…

“Cl-Clementine!” Her neck twisted left to see not Katjaa, but _Kenny_ struggling against the other walker. He’d jumped in front of his wife, where the walker’s arms were flailing in the air as he tried to hold it back. Her eyes went wide. Corroding teeth snapped at his neck, getting closer with every bite. He was a second away from certain death.

Her boot slammed to the floor ahead to face the conflict. Its teeth were centimetres away and continued gaining ground, the sight filling her next heartbeat with pure terror. “**_NO!_**” she howled, leaping forward and tackling the walker to the ground. The two bodies thudded against the floor. Her enemy was delirious from the fall and she used this to her advantage. She was on her knees, pinning its chest beneath her legs with clenched fists shaking from the urge to kill. Before raising the guillotine again, Clementine sought to make this personal. For attempted murder against the one whom she considered her adoptive father, the sentence was a long, brutal and outright bloody death. During the fall, her hat severed its connection with her. It lay as one with the meadow facing away from the execution. It couldn’t watch.

The white from her knuckles were buried beneath a dark new coating. The animal residing inside was clawing against her chest every second her fists weren’t giving the walker a beatdown. Each punch possessed a hatred any walker thus far hadn’t seen. Gearing up for another, phrases repeated in her head regarding Kenny dying, sending her further down a path of no return. Her thoughts and emotions were puppets under the rage’s control; it wasn’t just ‘Kenny’ dying, it was her _dad_ dying.

The right side of its face caved in from the next punch. Bones splintered through rotten skin, spraying the crimson blood across her fists. She wore it like a boxing glove, sending it right back where it came from. Another hit. And another hit. Her heart had never pounding so fiercely before. It spurred her on, pulling her further through the door to madness with every punch. All of the pain inside her was directed into each hit under the impression it was finally being released. Whether this was true or not remained to be seen.

Her arms grew weary, but she couldn’t stop there. She stood tall. The walker didn’t move, and it wasn’t getting back up. The sight did nothing to stop the furious teen from readying her lethal weapon again. Her leg dangled over its mashed forehead. She looked down with dead, emotionless eyes. If they wouldn’t spare her a thought, then neither would she. Such unforgiving creatures deserved unforgiving ends. She thought about Kenny, who almost just died and once got ripped to shreds. The guillotine dropped. She thought about Lee, who received an undeserving death to the monsters. Her foot slammed to the ground, brain matter flying away from the impact zone. She thought back to herself, and how she got bit all because of some brainwashed bitch with an axe. Her growls were amplified with each hit. The leather boot squelched in blood, the walker’s head now lacking any recognisable features. Then she thought about AJ.

All because of these monsters was he was forced to grow up and spend his entire life in world gone to shit. If it weren’t for them, he wouldn’t have had to grow up so quick. They turned a child who once innocently spent his days loving his adoptive parents into a murderer. Without the walkers, he wouldn’t have been so reckless with a gun.

Then came Lilly. Escaping alive from the assault on the Delta boat wasn’t enough. Even after Clem showed her mercy, the raider came back to do the exact same thing. Sending her goons to take the mother and son away from Ericson’s lead to AJ’s careless reaction. Without Lilly, the last memory she had of the boy would’ve been his goofy smile as he ran up to her for a morning hug, not a gruesome death. They’d still be chatting away in the halls of the school, singing the songs they wrote, laughing at Louis’ terrible jokes.

Her leg continued to rise as it fed upon the unrelenting rage setting her mind ablaze. The next strike would shatter the Earth’s plates. She couldn’t raise it any higher… but the kick never came. It hung in the air, frozen. By scavenging her conscience in a hunt for more fuel to burn, the rage had delivered upon her a truth that she couldn’t ignore.

Everything she blamed AJ’s death for all stemmed from her. No matter how many times the blame was shifted, in the end, Clementine knew deep-down that she alone was responsible. It was all her fault.

_My little Goofball…_

A tear daintily slid down her cheek. It was cold, so cold compared to her worn out muscles. It was a cold and bitter reminder that her actions were the direct result of that fateful morning walk. The same conclusion would be met every single time: it was her fault, and hers alone. She couldn’t deny it any longer. Louis said it himself; he tried everything to change the outcome, but the boy’s death was already set in stone. It was a fact from the very beginning, and only now was she starting to truly accept it. She’s singlehandedly shaped AJ into the boy he grew up to be – it was her who raised him and couldn’t prevent his reckless behaviour. And if she had only told the boy to take ‘that’ shot, two raiders wouldn’t have shown up by the fishing hut on Lilly’s orders.

Kenny’s words echoed from a distant memory. _“You’re the only mama he’s got.”_ They were another case of when he’d given her a reason to be proud of herself, only now they stung in the presence of her failure. Clementine was Alvin Junior’s mother, and simply wasn’t strong enough to protect him.

Her boot weakly dropped onto the flattened skull again. Not out of rage, or revenge, but out of sorrow. Tears began flooding down her cheeks, washing away the newly settled blood as she accepted her overall role in her son’s death. She lifted her foot again to soak up the revelation. Lilly wasn’t to blame, she only sent two of her soldiers to offer them a place in a brand new, peaceful group out of respect for calling her family. Her foot went down again. She sniffled as the tears continued to pour, extinguishing the fires lit across her heart and mind.

Losing focus on the beaten corpse, her puffy red eyes landed on the hat present throughout her entire journey. It wasn’t just hers; it was AJ’s too. The iconic ‘D’ logo wasn’t observing her breakdown from its position, making her feel worse. ‘Don’t Die,’ Louis once labelled it. She would’ve given anything for that to apply to it’s second owner, and now, it faced away from her, unsupportive of what she’d allowed herself to become. By losing her hat, along too was part of her identity. She held her hands out in front of her as they dripped in the blood of her victim, looking back and forth between them and the horrifically disfigured head of a walker. Her hat once belonged to a girl who once promised to never lose the light in her, the light that gave others hope for a better world. Not a girl that lived amongst the darkness. _What have I done?_

Her kicks lost all their strength. She felt a hand against her arm, looking over her shoulder revealed shocked expressions shared across both Kenny and Katjaa. Their eyes traced down the river flowing down her face before Kenny looked at her with sympathetic eyes, delicately saying, “Come on Clem, that’s enough.”

She glanced back at her target. Losing any reason to attack any longer, she lay down on a patch of grass next to the family, using her hands to cover her eyes.

“Holy shit… Are you okay?”

“Oh, Clementine…”

She couldn’t bring herself to put on her usual strong persona. Instead, after hearing their comments she curled into a ball, rolling in the direction opposite to them. Her tears were as cold as the frozen forest’ breeze, her wails carried through a similar wind across the empty meadow. The dam holding them back was well and truly broken. The cool sensation told of her failure to a man who would carry her until death and entrusted a child’s life to her through his sacrifice. Her tears carried the weight of a guilt built upon the foundations of not only that, but also countless other sacrifices in her favour. And now it felt as if she’d thrown them all away.

“Ken, why don’t you…”

“Yeah…” Clementine open her eyes amidst her watery gaze to see Katjaa gesturing to Kenny, of whom was on his knees with open arms. “C’mere Clem.”

The offer was bittersweet; on the one hand she wanted to jump into his arms and unload all of her grief onto him, but on the other, him being one of the people she grieved held her back. But after a few seconds, she couldn’t bear the thought of going through this alone and fumbled her way into his embrace. There she cried over his shoulder not sparing a thought for how Katjaa and Duck might view her.

“I’m so sorry…” she sobbed, desperately wanting to apologise to him even if the events no longer occurred. Though she didn’t want forgiveness. Behind a scruffy grey beard and eyepatch could she imagine his heartbroken face portraying the deep depression he’d sink into after discovering AJ’s fate, and thinking about the pain it would’ve brought him shattered her heart. “I’m sorry, I’m s-so s-sorry… I d-didn’t raise him right and I… he… h-he died… I got him killed, and it’s all my fault… _I’m so sorry_…” Her voice drowned beneath the tears as she released a high-pitched, “_My little Goofball_…”

“It’s all right, let it out,” he comforted. He began gently patting her back, keeping his delicate tone with, “_There, there, darlin’_…”

Her head shot back. “W… What did you just say? ‘Darling’?”

“Well, yeah… It just felt… _right_. I’m sorry, I shoulda-” He didn’t get time to finish before her head returned straight back to his shoulder, wailing heavier at the sound of her old nickname. Her ears welcomed it like an old friend. She didn’t think she’d ever hear it again outside of her dreams, especially not so quickly after meeting him again. In spite of how much she adored being called by it, the circumstances lead to her to believe how underserving she was of it. She issued more apologies until she eventually ran out of breath.

A disappointed sigh came from her right. Kenny pulled her back, placing his hands on her shoulders. He regrettably informed her, “Clem… listen to me. I really wish I could give you more time for this but I’m startin’ to make out more of those things in the forest. We gotta move.” He looked over to his wife and nodded. “Put your legs here, Clem.”

He motioned for her legs around his waist. Not wanting to put the group in danger, she followed his instructions unaware of the intention. Trying to sniff away the unstoppable tears, she was about to question him but was surprised to find herself raised off the ground. He’d scooped her legs from under his arms as she fell forward into his chest, watching the treeline behind them. Once again was she a passenger while he carried her, or in other words, gave her a reverse piggyback ride.

She couldn’t keep up the new activity; prolonging the walker’s executions in addition to all the crying made it seem as if hours had gone by, when only a few minutes had at most. Involving herself in so much action drained her of energy, but whatever pride she held compelled her to say, “You don’t… have to do this… again. I can… walk…”

“Do you even hear the sound of your own breaths? You are in no condition to travel.” His response was about what she expected, though she figured it was for the best. “Now, follow the path by the rock, right? Honey, Duck, stay close.”

She didn’t have the motivation for protests and her eyes were glued downwards to the path of flattened grass. With her thoughts fluctuating between AJ and her fall from grace, the troubled teen lost all sense of time and direction. The path went up and down every few seconds. That’s all there was to it. Down, but always rising up. Up, but always falling down. It seemed to last forever.

***

“This looks like the place. Been too long since I’ve been this close to running water.”

“You’re not going to fit a boat on it Ken, don’t get too excited.”

Clementine barely listened to the voices. She couldn’t remember the last time she blinked, the only parts of her eyes not stinging were those absorbing the endlessly flowing tears for moisture. Exhausting everyone there was to mourn along with her regrets left her mind in a grey area. There was nothing more to think about, yet she continued to cry from a sadness hanging over her like a storm of rain clouds. Rain that soaked her to the bone. She couldn’t even see a ghost of her son upon the empty path. It was empty and forever would be. That brave little boy she loved with all her heart would never walk the same road as her again. She didn’t know why she was still moving forward anymore. Because she was forced to? If her feet touched the ground right now, she wondered if they’d ever take another step. If it weren’t for the blood on her hat, what reason would there be for her to go on... Oh, that’s right, she was doing this for them. All the other people she’d let down. Because they were alive again, unlike AJ. There. A reason to keep moving forward. Her lucky day. She got to see her old family at the cost of her child. And that was something Clem didn’t even know how to feel about. Her mind went to a complete blank.

“Clem?” She lifted her head back to see both Kenny and Katjaa sharing the same worried expression. However long they’d been trying to get her attention went over her head. Katjaa took half a step forward, asking, “Do you want me to clean that blood off your jacket, sweetie?”

She shrugged in response, giving her a monotone, “Go for it,” before sliding it off and dropping it to the floor. As the footsteps trailed behind her, cleaning reminded her about her appearance in the mirror before setting out for the day. Figuring she might as well do something just for the sake of it, her emotionless tone persisted as she called the name of her carrier who was standing idly by watching the stream. “Kenny.”

“Hey, what’s up Clem? You alright?”

Ignoring the latter question, she informed him, “I’m going to wash my face. Can you put me down?”

“That don’t sound like a bad idea, I might join you on that. Okay, down we go.” Her right leg felt like jelly as it touched the ground. Taking a moment to balance herself, she noticed the dark red handprints around his shoulders.

“I got blood all over your shirt… Sorry…”

“It’s fine Clem. Come on, let’s get cleaned up.” Instead of following his suggestion, her eyes were drawn to another stain on his shirt. It was faint, but from its location at the right side of his chest she recognised immediately. It was the one she herself had cleaned up after another sick episode in the drug store.

“You’re still wearing that shirt?”

He gave her a weak smile, trying to install a sense of humour in his voice. “Well it’s not like I got any others.”

It didn’t work as intended, and only gave her another reason to feel guilty on top of the piles she was crying over. She looked into the eyes of a man whose life she would’ve ruined if they were still raising AJ together, causing her to mumble another, “Sorry…”

He knelt in front of her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Stop with all the ‘Sorrys’. There’s nothin’ for you to worry about, okay?” He reassured her, before trying to lighten the mood. “We finally found that stream you told us about, so let’s see that big old smile of yours,” he said, a warm smile of his own forming beneath his moustache to encourage her. She appreciated the effort to lift her spirits, but she just couldn’t do it. The corners of her lips were locked down tight, and she couldn’t find the energy to unlock them. He was met with a blank stare.

After a few seconds he got the message. He stood back up gesturing towards the stream, visibly let down with himself. Sighing, he turned to his son, asking, “You wanna come too, Duck?”

Clementine hadn’t realised he was there until Kenny mentioned his name. The boy hadn’t made a sound, the shock of being under attack from walkers was plastered across his face. She only noticed now as a teenager of how phased her old friend would be after a dangerous situation. His hands were held behind his back, and he reluctantly agreed. “Okay…” She drew a comparison between him and AJ again. She remembered her son always having something on his mind when acting like this, so made a mental note to speak to Duck about it later.

Following in Kenny’s shadow, the calming sound of running water filled the air. Upon arriving by the stream, she knelt down and immediately began washing herself off. For the first time in days, her face was cleansed of mud and blood, the feeling somewhat satisfying as the cool water dripped down her pale skin. Her parched throat cried out in jealousy, and soon enough it was relieved of a sickly aftertaste present since the dreaded blur occupied her vision back in the forest.

“_Tck- Argh_…” Her head followed the quiet groans to find Kenny rubbing his left eye with the corresponding arm.

“Kenny, are you okay?” she worriedly asked.

“Agh… I just got water in my eye. Nothin’ to worry about, I promise Clem. It’s been givin’ me shit the last few days anyway…” As he continued rubbing, Clementine took interest in how it was specifically his left eye. The majority of the time she’d known him it was spent behind an eyepatch, making her wonder if this was just a coincidence. She looked down at the leg she wandered around the hallways of Ericson’s for a month without, trying to remember if it had caused her any problems to see if there was a similarity. Other than having to learn how to walk again, she came up with nothing. That was until a memory flashed before her from the Glenn rescue mission.

~~

_“Shit, come on, Lee!” With no time to hesitate, the pair bolted for the stairs. They were mere metres away from the turning, but mid-sprint the already out-of-breath Clementine tripped upon placing too much pressure on her left leg, in which she felt a jolt of pain soaring through it. The energy bar wasn’t enough, the strange pain was gone in an instant, but the lower half of her body refused to counter the fall. As she tumbled to the balcony floor, she propped her head up to see Lee sprinting back towards her._

~~

_Oh shit…_ she thought to herself, remembering she had indeed experienced something similar. Her memories were pinned to an investigation board, she mentally traced a finger from one to another, leading her to her time in the frozen forest. At the end of the line was a photo of her leg as if it had never been cut off, though in her much younger body. There was the repulsive recently scarred gash of her axe wound right next to the bite. She looked down to her odd running shoe, doubting if her leg was in fact in perfect condition like she’d believed.

“Um… Kenny? When you checked my leg back in the drug store… you didn’t actually see a bite, or a scar or anything, did you?”

He raised an eyebrow while squinting from his stinging eye. “I only took a quick look… but no, I don’t recall seein’ anythin’ in particular. Why?”

“No reason…” She unconfidently assured, looking down at the area in confusion. Despite it sounded like some conspiracy, it was impossible for her to write it off. After all, it was shortly after he’d checked her leg when she found out that remnants of the bonds they originally formed were still intact. She added to her mental note to ask one of them about it, but also to pay attention to Kenny’s eye, her leg, and maybe the arm Lee cut off to see if it was a serious matter. But without being able to find more than even the slightest bit of motivation, she disregarded the problem for now not bothered to give it any more thought.

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask since we met…” Kenny trailed off in a suspicious tone.

“What is it?” Her emotionless voice resulted in him hesitating for a second, but in typical Kenny fashion, he proceeded to ask without holding back.

“Why in the hell are you wearin’ odd shoes? There some kinda story behind that or do you just have a knack for bein’ different?”

Katjaa, who was eavesdropping on the conversation, didn’t appreciate his last comment. “Kenny, what do you mean by that?”

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way!” Ignoring their bickering, the brunette’s gaze landed on the flowing water ahead as if it was the river running beneath the bridge that changed her life. Minerva with an army of walkers, leaping from the truck to slice her in two. The scramble for the gun that followed. And then, the worst physical pain she’d ever felt in her life. She winced as the nerves around the sliced area screeched from the still fresh memory. A hand moved to cover the area on its own. She could almost see the redhead’s reflection in the water, ready to strike again.

“Clem?” Kenny asked, getting used to needing to push for an answer. Her eyes didn’t waver from the imagination induced image of the Delta soldier, feeling nothing other than the pain she felt that day.

“Crazy bitch with an axe.” She gently rubbed her uneasy nerves. “I’m not explaining it right now… I’ve already told Lee about it so go ask him or find me later if you want to know more. And yes, I was wearing the other boot at the time. Now it’s lost in a barn… somewhere…” She trailed off, knowing exactly where it would’ve been if she hadn’t gone back in time: rotting away with the rest of her foot in James’ barn.

Kenny was shocked at the story, just as Lee was after she’d told him about it. “Holy shit… Is that why you asked if I saw anything?”

All of the questions being asked and received along with the walker kills was beginning to take its toll on her. With the adrenaline wearing off, her earlier fatigue was sneaking back into her words. “Sure, why not I guess… Anyway, I can look for a new pair of boots and find you a cleaner shirt when we…” a yawn interrupted her. Rubbing her eyes, she carried on with, “…when we do a run into Macon later…”

Kenny was quick to counter, “You can barely walk without fallin’ over and you want to go back into the city? Are you crazy?”

She looked back at him, gently nodding. Accepting her latest actions were her own, she gave him a despondent, “Yes.”

He fell silent, looking guilty over his phrasing. Katjaa took over, her focus shifting between the jacket and its owner. “Don’t call yourself that, Clementine. But he is right, you’ll only get worse if you don’t take the time to recover.”

Clem’s eyes were fixated on a single stone within the stream. Just like the water around it, she couldn’t stop. To keep moving forward, even if it killed her. It was the only thing she felt useful for anymore. “All of you need supplies, more clothes, more weapons… I need to get it all. It doesn’t matter what happens to me, as long as you’re all safe…”

“Well it matters to me.” Clem was taken aback by Katjaa’s stern tone, only ever hearing her speak in such a way to her husband. “We worry about you just as much as you worry about us, Clementine. If you put any more strain on your body, I’m not sure if you’ll ever fully recover…”

“Oh, by the way Kat,” Kenny interjected. “…She ain’t pregnant or nothin’,” he stated matter-of-factly, much to his wife’s shock.

In a quiet voice, she looked at him, saying, “You asked?” And upon receiving an affirmative nod she became even more determined for the girl’s rest. “Then that makes it even more important. If we don’t know what we’re dealing with, then we should not be pushing our luck. I know it’s not what you want to hear Clementine, but please hear me when I say this,” she shook off the cleaned jacket, and rotated round to see its owner eye-to-eye. Folding the piece of clothing and returning it, Katjaa’s voice contained a motherly care Clem could only recognise from herself when talking to AJ. “You are just as valuable as anyone else. I can understand if you don’t want to try medicine… but at least take a few days off and have your meals. I know it’s hard for you to eat right now but if you give up, you’ll only get weaker. We would be much safer with a strong and healthy Clementine looking out for us rather than a weaker one, wouldn’t you agree?”

She remained silent, conflicted over the woman’s points. They were all true. Where her heart rejected them, her head didn’t. The only thing both parties agreed on, was that it was comforting hearing the family value her so highly while in such a lost and confused state of mind. As she was starting to consider her options, Katjaa had more to say.

“You’ve done this family a wonderful service, Clementine. I think it’s about time we returned the favour. Please, take some time to rest. We’ll make sure you have everything you need; you won’t have to worry about a thing. If you think of any more jobs need doing, we’ll take care of them. You’ll be back on your feet in no time. Please, we want to do this for you, don’t we Ken?”

“That’s right. And we should probably get ‘round to this again too…” Kenny walked around her and sat on the floor next to his wife. They glanced at each other, equal warm smiles overcoming their appearances before looking back to her. “We wanted to thank you… for what just happened outside the forest. That marks the third time you’ve saved our son’s life, and now you’ve saved mine too. We can’t thank you enough, if there’s anything we could do for you…”

Her eyes drifted back to the running water to her left, unsure of how to react. Having them alive again was the only reward she needed, and any current ambitions she might have possessed were side-lined from the reality of AJ’s death as it started to sink in deep.

“But you already said all that stuff about me helping me rest.”

“Well, yeah… but… Look, I know our options are limited bein’ stuck at that motor inn and all, but if there’s anythin’ on your mind, I’m sure we can get you somethin’ as a token of our appreciation.”

She shook her head. Saving people’s lives was a daily routine and seeing their smiles after a dangerous situation was more than enough for her. After losing everything, anything such as love, or happiness held a far greater value than physical items. People couldn’t be replaced.

“…I can’t think of anything.”

“Well you better, because we’re not leavin’ until we find some way of repayin’ you.”

She shrugged, deciding to try her luck with what she really wanted. In a low voice, she stated, “I want all of you to be safe, and to stay alive I guess…”

Kenny and Katjaa shared a short concerning look. “Come on Clem, you know what I mean.”

Her eyes drifted back to the stream again. Not even wanting any kind of reward, her mind came up blank again. There was really nothing, or at least nothing that involved going into Macon that she could get herself. But with the parent’s so adamant she was deserving of something, she tried using the environment for inspiration. Just looking into the water brought back the undesired image of Minerva, and its cold touch from washing herself reminded her of the ‘dream’ from earlier.

She wondered how the group were doing in her absence. By now Luke would probably be trapped under the frozen lake for all eternity, and she just hoped her interference wouldn’t cause any consequences for Kenny. She shuddered at the thought up him also falling through because he had to carry her. It wasn’t all bad, however, as she finally thought of an answer to give back to the patiently waiting family. She was reminded of the obvious difference between Kenny carrying her in different time periods. If there was anything that wasn’t supplies or weapons, it had to be that. It was all she had to go off.

She turned back towards them, hoping her request would be enough. Through her tired eyes, she raised her right hand in front of her face, pointed a finger in Kenny’s direction. “Grow a beard. A really long one.”

They raised their eyebrows in sync, her answer taking them both by surprise, but none more so than Katjaa. “No!”

Contrasting his wife’s reaction, Kenny burst out laughing. It would’ve been enough to tug at the corners of her lips, but they remained on lockdown with her response being genuinely serious, combined with her indifference on… just about everything right now. Once he calmed himself down, he made no attempting in masking a goofy grin, asking her, “Is that really all you want?”

Before she could answer, Katjaa frowned at him, visibly not impressed. “You are not growing a beard again. You need a shave as it is.”

Chuckling to himself as he scratched his chin, he turned back to his wife, clearly supportive of the idea. “Come on Kat… A beard, or losing me and Duck, which would you rather have?”

The negotiations were making slow progress. Clem didn’t give the mother’s opposition any thought and just sat in silence waiting for them to sort it out. Katjaa stared into the ground, internally debating the unexpected request. Her frown fell as soon as she looked to the brunette for confirmation. The lifeless expression she received seemed to be persuasive enough, to where she nodded followed by a reluctant sigh.

“Fine. Clementine, dear, is that really all you want? There’s nothing else?”

Again, she shrugged not having much to say about it. “Not really. I know it sounds strange, but… it’s what I want, okay?”

“I haven’t the faintest clue why that’s what you want me to do, but hey, I’m all for it. Just be prepared to deal with a grumpy Kat for the next few months. I grow ‘em fast,” he said in jest.

She made the smallest of smiles at the first sign of a happy memory. It was funny hearing the remark after being the one responsible for keeping it somewhat trimmed for over a year. _I know you do…_ she thought as her imagination visualised herself being back around the campfire outside Wellington. Why something like a beard reminded her so heavily of the good times she didn’t know. Regardless, there she was sitting on a log at peace, staring into the calming fire with Kenny to her left. And to her right… a cheerful young boy. An _alive_ cheerful young boy.

“Kenny, please, I’m not going to make a fuss about it. If that’s what she really wants, then… Oh my… Honey, are you okay?” The pair were joint in giving her worried looks, though she had no clue as to why.

“Why do you ask?” She replied robotically, struggling to keep her eyes open from tiredness derived from the daydream.

Kenny took over. “Clem, you’re crying… again…”

She didn’t move a muscle, only her eyes showing signs of movement as they faced the person speaking behind a blank stare. “I’ve been crying this whole time if you haven’t noticed.”

“I-I know, just… more than before.”

“I am?” She said under her breath, bringing a hand to check her face. The tears glossing over her fingertips shined amongst a golden hue; sunlight reflecting from the dried dirt path they sat on lighted the ends of her fingers like a beacon. Everyone could see, and she’d given up trying to hide her vulnerable side. Noticing he was right, she admitted, “I can’t tell the difference anymore.”

“Well your eyes are the only bit of colour on you, and right now they’re redder than a goddamn tomato.” The trio sat in silence with Clementine’s gaze falling to the floor between them. After a few seconds, Kenny was softly spoken in trying to find the source of her depressed behaviour. “Is this about earlier? About… someone dying?” She winced at the reminder, every second becoming more painful the more she thought about AJ. Without saying a word, she nodded and waited for the imminent set of questions to begin. “I imagine we’re in the clear for a while, so… you wanna talk about it, maybe?”

“I… I can’t…” Her broken shell of a heart couldn’t take any more. A knife by her son’s name was lodged inside, and she was unable to let go as it twisted deeper with every heartbeat. Katjaa and Kenny were an opportunity to pull it out. In all her years alone, Clementine wasn’t accustomed to sharing the light of others, her problems were hers and hers alone to be dealt with. One part of her was screaming for their help, to put an end to her eternal suffering, but the other was rooted in her lone survivor nature. It clung onto the knife out of pure desperation for holding onto the name carved in the blade for a second longer. And she would continue holding on through the pain, even though she knew the person who had become her very reason for living would never come back. And through understanding the butterfly effect of events that preceded the tragedy did it push the knife in deeper, punishing herself in the blame.

“I really, _really_ don’t want to talk about it right now… Please…” She closed her eyes, trying to fight off the images of holding a gun to the child’s head as he began turning into a monster. No matter where her eyes darted in the abyss, they landed at the same pictures, reeling off one by one until the moment she finally pulled the trigger.

“Clem, I think it’s best if you don’t-”

“No, Ken, don’t push her too far. She’s already been through enough for one day…”

Their voices drowned beneath the looping sound of gunshot ringing around her empty mind. She looked back at the pair, picturing their lifeless bodies slumped against a tree as she pointed another gun at them. How many times would it take for executing her loved ones to break a teenage girl beyond repair? First Lee, then AJ, and now, she imagined that pulling the trigger on Kenny’s pale corpse was the same as pulling the trigger on herself.

Whatever hope she had left rested on this new world. Wanting to avoid a repeat of the original events, she let slip out, “I was stupid. I put my feelings over the smart thing to do… And now he’s…” Taking a deep breath, she tried composing herself as much as possible making little progress. “I won’t let the same happen to the rest of you. That’s why I have to keep going, I have to… or else it’ll all end the same way. I _can’t_ let that happen…”

“Clementine, honey…” Tears spilled onto a hand providing a soothing warmth against her left cheek. She narrowly opened her eyes to see Katjaa had closed the distance between them, the mother’s voice an angelic choir hypnotising her troubled mind. “I’m sorry for whatever you’ve gone through, you’ve had it harder than all of us… But you need to understand you’re not alone. We appreciate the hard work you’re putting in for us but you’re only one woman. There’s only so much you can do by yourself. We meant what we said earlier, we’re going to help you as much as we can.” She took a hold of her hands while providing a reassuring smile. “You can trust us. When we get back to the motel, take your rations and go straight back to bed if you’d like. I promise you we won’t let anything bad happen, will we, Ken?”

From over Katjaa’s shoulder, Clem could faintly hear Kenny say, “That’s right.”

“We have to work together to make the best of this. You need to put your trust in us if you’re ever going to get better, Clementine. And once your better, you can get to work on all these important jobs without having to worry about being sick, can’t you?”

Even Clementine’s stubbornness had its limits. She stopped for a moment. This was one of the however many times one of her old allies had expressed their care for her, and every time she either shot it down or ignored it without a second thought, being convinced her health and safety didn’t matter. But there was only so many times she could listen to the words she’d been secretly hoping to hear until she’d eventually have to accept them. Maybe Katjaa was right. Recovering would make her job drastically easier, and for them to care for her so much brought the smallest thoughts about her own desires to light whether she realised it or not. They were extending a hand, offering to bring her into their protection. For her sake, for their sake, for not wanting to be alone… Clem didn’t know her reasoning for doing so but found herself unwilling to refuse their aid any longer. Even after all the pain she’s caused, maybe it was okay to think about herself again. It felt selfish, but if the people she loved believed in her, then she had no choice but to at least give it a shot.

She had no idea Katjaa was capable up such speeches, and after hearing so many times the words her stubborn nature rejected just for the sake of it, she took a deep sigh. Looking down at their connected hands, she sniffled, “If… _If_ I take a few days off… You guys will know what to do? You’ll… take care of things?”

Katjaa gave a subtle nod, looking rather pleased with finally getting through to the girl. “Of course, dear. We’ll be fine.”

“And Kenny… you can make some traps for this place? It won’t be too hard?”

“Clem, please, I’m a fishing captain. Catchin’ fish is what I do. Would be easier if I had some netting though.” He suddenly looked worried about something, and she could practically read his mind once his gaze fell on her.

“Don’t worry I’m not gonna go sprinting off into Macon to find you some… just add it to the shopping list of things we’ll look for when we do eventually go. Hey, that’s another thing you guys can do…” Her mind ventured down the rabbit hole of the countless jobs she could be doing. Even after agreeing to step down, she felt the stresses of leadership and Katjaa soon picked up on it. “Anything you want us to look for in the city, write it down. Food, clothes, entertainment, literally anything. Oh, and Kenny, I don’t suppose you could make the spears could do? Or just gather the wood for them, maybe? Oh yeah, and when we get back up, could someone maybe find me some pen and paper? I need to plan some things out. And… Um…”

Katjaa interrupted before the teen could succumb to the oncoming stress. “That’s enough, Clementine. Kenny can get make some spears and I’ll find you some paper, but I don’t recommend making any plans until you’ve got a clear head. I think you’ve done enough for today. Come on, I think it’s about time we head back up.”

“Yeah, they’ll probably start thinkin’ we drowned down here,” Kenny chimed in. For a split second, Luke’s corpse under the lake flashed before her now wide eyes. “Shit, was it what I said? Sorry Clem, I was only jokin’…”

She blinked a few times, rapidly shaking her head to rid herself off the traumatising memory. “No, no… It’s fine, I just… I have a thing about drowning…” Trying to avoid her trauma ruining their positive spirits, she decided to give them her thanks for their support. “Don’t worry about that… Um, I really appreciate you being so kind to me, I thought you might be afraid of me for what I did to those walkers.”

Katjaa rested a hand on Clem’s left shoulder, pride shining in her eyes. “Clementine, you’ve protected this family better than… well, ourselves ever could. To me, it shows how much of a caring young woman you are. I’ve never known someone to selflessly go to so many lengths for our benefit before. The world is a living nightmare right now… and you might be the only hope we have of making it better.”

She was stunned. It was if Katjaa appealed directly to one of her previous worries. _I’m their hope for a better world? Does that mean I kept my promise to Ava? And… that I haven’t completely lost my light?_ She had to see if Katjaa was being serious. “Do you really mean that?”

“I really do,” she gently assured.

Kenny shifted himself a little closer from being mostly behind his wife. Scratching the back of his neck, he timidly said, “Yeah… I’m not too big to admit it, but you’ve done a better job at protectin’ my family through this mess than me, so… I just hope you’ll always be there lookin’ out for us until things get better.”

Every. Single. Time. The small family somehow provides her with perfect answers to all her doubts. She sat in silence, mesmerised by how much love and support had been gifted to her. To receive such warm attention, Clementine wondered if this is what it was like to live under the care of parents again. When she looked at the pair right now, from her perspective could she envision her mom and dad sitting before her without anything seeming out of place. Kenny’s status as her chosen second father was already established, but she started becoming hopeful that Katjaa really could be like a second mother to her after nearly a decade without one. In short, she was speechless. “I…”

A nasally voice appeared from her right. “Um… I wanted you to have this…” Clem turned to see Duck with his hands remaining in their position behind his back. She’d completely forgotten he was there and was more surprised for how quiet he’d been since arriving at the stream. For him to suddenly speak up now, it must’ve been big. And the second she lay eyes on his ‘present’, the second she confirmed her love of the entire family. “You dropped this back there.”

He pulled out her hat. The realisation that she would’ve lost it if not for Duck kicked in. She held the visor delicately within her fingers as he handed it over, staring endlessly into the logo. He hadn’t just saved _her_ hat, but also AJ’s hat. Where her heart previously couldn’t handle the loss of her child, it now couldn’t handle everything given to her by the people around her.

“Um… I just wanted to say thanks… for saving me all the time,” the boy said shyly, looking nervous about his gift.

Clementine couldn’t look into such an innocent face any longer. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. “That’s okay, kiddo… Thank you so much for picking up my hat, it means the world to me…” Upon feeling a pair of small arms around her back, she let out a very brief laugh of pure delight before pulling away.

She cycled through looking each of them in the eye after finally having a reason to smile. “You’re all lucky I’m already crying, because I’d be a…” Her eyes met Duck’s, and was immediately encouraged to ease her vocabulary, saying, “…_flipping_ wreck right now. Apart from Louis, I… I haven’t been shown this much kindness in years… I…” her voice thinned, and realising the truth of what she just said made her appreciate their support even more. With her hat in her hands, her heart beat to a ballad of a lonely girl who was experiencing a family’s honest love for the first time in years. The melody sung delight throughout her very being, sent straight to the child buried deep inside her soul. She was overcome with joy, so much so that she gave into her long-lost innocence and found herself falling into a fit of sobs. The palms of her hands shielded her eyes from the world, and even through all the pain she suffered on this day, they found a moment to shed tears of happiness. She couldn’t believe what was happening. All of the people she’d mourned for so long were back in her life, and they were treating her better than she could have ever hoped for.

“Shhh… It’s all right, sweetie…” Katjaa sat in front of her, placing an arm around her back and gently stroking her hair. The troubled teen broke down from the gesture, her sobs becoming progressively louder as she cried into the mouther’s shoulder. She’d barely cried at all in the years leading up to Ericson’s, but ever since reuniting with Lee back at her house it’d been impossible to hold back such a diverse cast of emotions. After a few moments, Katjaa pulled away, and the girl’s palms were still glued to her eyes. “Kenny, would you mind carrying her again? We should get going. Clem, why don’t you put your jacket and hat back on before we set off?”

Following her instructions, the crying teen unfolded and slung on her jacket, but couldn’t bring herself to wear her hat again so soon after what happened with the walkers.

Kenny wandered next to her in preparation for his carrier duties. “You’re not going to wear your hat?”

Tears fell onto the logo as she looked down on it. It was more than just a piece of clothing; she would have to make it up to her cherished hat and earn the right to wear it with pride again. Accepting their help today was a great leap forward, and it was just the beginning. “I will once I’ve made and a plan and… figured out what to do with myself,” she admitted. 

“Okay, I understand…” He turned his back to her and crouched down. “Legs.” Soon enough, her arms were drooping down his chest as the familiar mode of transport that was a piggyback ride was well under way. “Everyone stay close,” he ordered, before gently saying to her, “Clem, we’ll call you if any of those… _walkers_ show up. You can go to sleep or whatever you want, okay?”

She rested her head on his left shoulder to get comfier. She sniffled quietly in his ear, “Okay, thanks.”

The journey back would be a long walk; she just about made out in the far distance where the dirt path gets covered from the grass of the meadow, making crying herself to sleep sounding quite appealing with all the bobbing of being carried. Because testing her stomach’s patience was the grim alternative, she settled down letting a blanket of darkness cover her vision. Just as she was ready to doze off, Kenny had something on his mind.

“Hey Clem, just before you nod off, I don’t suppose I could ask a couple questions about what happened today. They’re harmless, I promise.”

He was met with a fierce yawn, before she actually answered, “Mhm… knock yourself out…”

“I get it. Don’t worry, I’ll make this quick. So, uh… when you were beatin’ the livin’ shit out of the walker back there… did I stop you right? I didn’t know if I shoulda stopped you sooner, or if it’d been better to leave you, ‘cus earlier you mentioned you wanted to blow off some steam for our safety, and I didn’t know what to do… but at the same time I wanted to keep to our agreement…”

“Kenny, it’s okay, don’t get all confused about it. To tell you the truth, I… don’t know. Yeah, I think you probably pulled me out of my crazy self at the time… I mean, I wasn’t hurting any of you, so for all I know that might’ve been the therapy session I’ve needed…”

“Well, you’re the first girl I’ve met to describe sendin’ a boot to something’s skull as therapy, but it looked like whatever you went through’s done some good. I’ll keep that in mind if something similar happens again…”

Her voice was becoming progressively softer as she relaxed. “Sounds good… Now, what was your other question?”

“Okay, so, something I didn’t get an answer for earlier. When I called you “darlin’” earlier…”

She cut him off, a warm smile forming on her lips.

She whispered into his ear, “I loved it…” And with her mind put at ease, she fell into a peaceful sleep as the group headed back for the motor inn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, you made it all the way to the end. Good job. Good job. Poor Clem never has it easy, but hey, after recruiting some help maybe things will be better for her. Maybe. No clue when the next one will be out, thanks for reading.


	13. Fish Traps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee doesn't know how to take care of a kid. Clementine doesn't know how to keep everyone alive, and it's getting to her. A lot. Pen in hand, she takes her first steps in solving the game of life and death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this comes after another long wait, sorry about that. As you can probably tell from the size of the page, it's a biggie again, so hopefully that makes up for it.

A rising moon signalled for the day to come to an end. The setting sun gave way for a calming cookfire to burn brightly in the centre of the motel against the darkness trickling into every corner of their surroundings. Lee watched the smoke endlessly rise into the sky from his position on the RV; it was his third watch shift of the day in the group’s relatively fixed schedule. It usually went Lilly, Kenny, Lee, and then Larry on a good day.

Just like in any of his part-time jobs during his teaching studies, they were long and very boring shifts to endure, but every time he sat in this chair with a rifle on his lap did he believe his efforts were far more important than washing dishes ever were. Here at least he could protect people. Protect _her_. His wife, mother, father, even his brother. They were all gone. He barely knew the first thing about her, and yet, taking care of the lone sick girl he stumbled upon in her ransacked house was the only thing on his mind consistently around the clock.

But he was starting to have his doubts. Her condition deteriorated from when they first met. Fast. She looked far worse, and from her body language alone could he tell the amount of pain piling on with every passing day. Pain he could’ve prevented if only he had the slightest clue of how to take care of a child in the first place. Every time he looked back towards her room, the securely closed curtains returned his stares. Even from the elevated spot on the RV would they be looking down on him, as if was his fault they were forced to stay shut to allow for her prolonged rest. Being a teacher, he knew all too well the patience required in learning something new, but he couldn’t help feeling like he was running out of time for mistakes.

He should’ve checked on her at the drug store. He should’ve found an alternative to car rides. He should’ve had her eating more carefully. She had faith in him… but still. That image of her dying in the back of Kenny’s truck would punish him for every mistake he made now until she fully recovered.

His other concerns lay in more current events. Ever since she returned from scouting a water source the previous day, the group acted noticeably different towards her. More specifically: Kenny and the rest of his family. From out of nowhere they’ve been showing an extraordinary amount of care for her.

Where both of the parents were once scared of even entering her room, it was now a completely different story. Clementine had regular visitors; Kenny and Katjaa were in the routine of checking on her throughout the day, even when Lee wasn’t on watch. Surely that was his job? But every time he tried, his offers to go in their place were denied.

At every meal, they’d delivered her share of the rations. Any time she was out getting some sunlight, they were keen on inviting her to sit with them. No, they didn’t even need to invite her. The second her feet stepped out onto the concrete would they soon stand amongst the family’s, like a wolf returning to its pack. Obviously Clem liked them from the start, but he never expected the people feeling the fear of her eccentric behaviour to warm up to the very same person in the blink of an eye.

Looking in the cookfire’s general direction confirmed the family’s strange fondness of her. For the past hour at least, Clementine and Kenny had been sitting around the fire as he gave her some kind of therapy session. Well, one of them was sitting. From the way she’d been lying down, it was like looking directly into her mind. He realised she was imitating a dream she’s told him about with a campfire in some power station, one where he himself was on watch to protect them. Exactly like what he was doing now. Whether it was a coincidence or not didn’t matter, he just couldn’t understand what was going on, and as he stared off into the distance totally clueless about the situation, he noticed in the corner of his eye Kenny carrying a sleeping Clementine back to her room.

Feeling like he’d been useless for her the last two days, he tried to grab the man’s attention, asking, “Need a hand down there? Does she need anything, or…?”

Kenny came to a halt and did not look happy with Lee’s interference one bit. He put on a scowl, gesturing with his head to the girl in his arms as he quietly snapped back, “Hey, keep it down, would ya?”

Seems like Lee had asked a little louder than he should have. Understanding what was being implied, he felt the need to apologise, saying with more consideration, “Uh, sorry… I should’ve-”

He stopped himself going any further upon hearing a set of faint groans from the girl he thought was still asleep. Kenny reacted straight away. Allowing his disappointment to escape in a sigh, he put on a relaxed expression and comforted the brunette back into sleep. He whispered to her, “It’s all right… Go on back to sleep, Clem. I’ll wake you when it’s time for dinner.”

She barely opened her eyes to the sound of his voice. Recognising the man carrying her, she took advantage of her new position. Her arms wrapped around his chest, letting her head sink into an arm of his own like a pillow. Pure relaxation reformed her fixed lips into a broad smile as her eyes fell back into darkness. Kenny returned the affectionate expression, patiently waiting as if he’d know the exact moment she’d fall asleep.

The sight was mesmerising. Despite feeling guilty for waking her, for some reason he wanted to be in Kenny’s shoes right now. To be the one who had to carry her around, deliver her meals, and overall just be able to take care of her to the same standard.

Look at the way she held on to him - Lee could clearly see how much she adored her carrier and could only wonder if the drowsy teenager felt even remotely similar towards himself. Something inside him was saying it was important, the same thing that felt so punishing after every mistake. He couldn’t explain any of it. Kenny mentioned in the drug store that he was having similar experiences; maybe the only thing separating the two was how they acted on them. Either way, almost everything involving Clementine was unbeknown to Lee at this point.

After some time, the scowl returned to Kenny’s face, leading Lee to assume Clem was asleep. Retaining his low volume, he firmly insisted, “When the meat’s finished cookin’, _I’m_ gonna handle her share. She’s gettin’ plenty, along with what we normally hand out.”

Lee was initially surprised. That would mean he’d be bending Lilly’s ration rules, yet he was still being so forceful. “Didn’t Lilly say we can’t have any normal rations if we were getting a full meal from whatever we hunted? I don’t think she’d be too happy if you-”

Lee was on a bad streak of giving Kenny reasons to be mad. He was cut off, with Kenny interjecting, “She. Is. Sick. I couldn’t care less about what you people think, she needs it a helluva lot more than you or me. This ain’t up for debate.” His face softened as he looked over the girl to check he hadn’t woken her up, whose arms didn’t release their grip around his chest even in her sleep. He mumbled, “Jesus, you’d think you’d be lookin’ out for her…” and without giving Lee a second glance, he marched off towards her room.

Lee was almost glad Kenny stormed off because after that, he was speechless. Maybe Kenny was right. Maybe Kenny was wrong. He simply didn’t know. He didn’t even expect to see someone other than himself acting so protective of her, at least not so soon. But here he was sat on top of an RV, watching the girl he’d tasked himself with her care having that one job being done for him. Again. Part of him wanted to scold Kenny for willingly breaking the newfound rules, but the other wanted to share his thanks for putting Clementine’s health above all else. It seemed everything at the motor inn served to confuse him more and more.

Just what the hell happened down by the stream?

***

_Earlier that day…_

With the click of a pen, she was ready to get to work. An entire stack of paper was at her disposal. Finally it was time to form some kind of plan. She set it down on the small table by her room’s main window and opened the curtains. Light flooded the room, her tired eyes having trouble adjusting as it burned the back of her mind. Another full night’s sleep went by without feeling even a second of its effects; she was tired, so tired… But it couldn’t be delayed any longer. She had the pen, she had the paper, and she sat at the table ready to convert her madhouse of a mind into ink. No more nonsense. She placed the first piece of A4 from the top of the pile horizontally in front of her. No distractions. No nothing.

Time to make a plan.

First things first: ground rules. She thought back to the moment Louis shared his time-travel discovery and everything learnt in order for their original plan to be a success. Her pen glided down the left-hand side of the page, separating each point with their own box.

**Louis’ 4 Principles:**

**\- When using the device, everything we have on us will stay on us.**

**\- We may have to kill a younger version of ourselves. **

**\- We do everything the same.**

**\- Fish Traps.**

Before going any further, these were the foundation of her plan; they had to be right. Reviewing what she’d done so far, she worked her way down the list, putting a tick next to the first two principles.

Waking up in her old home revealed it’d worked perfectly, everything came back. Her outfit, her gun… and her hat. She swivelled round to see the restored cap – bar the familiar blood stains - sitting at the end of her bed, watching her. A day had passed since her journey into insanity before finding the stream. Whenever she looked at it reminded her of what happened, of how she was lost inside her broken nature. With that hat symbolising the girl she no longer was, she couldn’t bring herself to wear it again. At least not right now.

All it brought on were negative thoughts. Her focus needed to be on the paper, not the past. She didn’t want the distraction so moved from the chair to place the hat under the safety of her bed. Out of sight, out of mind.

The next principle was… taken care of. Just like with her hat, she didn’t even want to think about. Moving on…

This is where Clementine was stuck. When Louis said do _everything_ the same, did he mean in every sense of the word? If so, then she’d already failed. Carley should be here. Where Lee managed to save someone, she didn’t. Having Carley missing from the group affects rations, watch routines, relationships between group members, hunting, and even the outcomes of future fights. Long story short, the group’s safety was potentially in jeopardy because of the loss of one woman. Clem never once underestimated Carley’s value in combat. Under the current circumstances, it was impossible to follow that rule.

But that still left future events, and how she would need to act. The reason the rule was implemented in the first place was to set up the same scenario with Lilly so they’d meet in the forest, escape, and wait for her to return with the Delta to raid the school. If she were to strictly follow the original plan that would mean going through the St. John’s, the meat locker, the bandit raid, and the RV escape all the exact same way as before… But even that was impossible because for Lilly to be abandoned, she would have to shoot Carley, and with no Carley…

The confusion with every thought caused her to sigh. “What the fuck do I do…?” She asked herself, staring blankly at the shortlist. An old habit of talking to herself emerged in an attempt to make sense of the plan that wasn’t off to a great start. “I can follow the original plan up until the RV. The meat locker, the bandits… I can do all that. But what happens when we escape? Would that mean she shoots someone else? Without Carley, what if it’s Kenny? Or Lee? Do I even have to follow his rule? We’d be waiting around eight years just for one moment…”

She leaned over the table, placing her head in her hands. Katjaa was right; she shouldn’t have started a plan without a clear head, especially when she was this tired. It’d barely been five minutes and her mind was already trying to power through roadblock after roadblock. She took a moment to rest and calm herself down. Louis didn’t hide that he wasn’t confident in it, but she never expected their plan to go this haywire. It’s not like he was with her now to discuss it either.

“Maybe there’s another way… If I killed her now then she wouldn’t attack the school. No, because then that defeats the point of us knowing what’s going to happen. What if the Delta operates differently under a new leader? I could be making it even worse for Ericson’s… There could be more attacks. They could turn up at any moment. And we wouldn’t be prepared for any of it. Will I even be at Ericson’s? Oh Louis, what do I do?”

There was no definitive answer. Knowing she wasn’t making any progress, she pinched the grip of the pen and put a question mark next to the principle, scribbling a few notes about Lilly next to it. With the pen in her right hand and head held up by the left, her eyes landed on the final and most important part of Louis’ lessons: Fish Traps.

No matter how much you interfere with the traps, the fish will still die in them. He tried 15 times to save AJ, with each attempt ending in a resounding failure. And the scariest part? It was happening here too. At Hershel’s farm, Shawn died in the exact same way at the exact same time. Bitten and bled-out. Then at the drug store, Doug died in the exact same way. Only this time, the building claimed the life of another, someone who was involved in a one-or-the-other decision with Lee to make the call. Well, she was before, at least. Now both people involved met the same fate.

She looked out the window and up at Lee who was taking a morning watch shift. Something about seeing him blissfully unaware of his old death filled her with fear. The table subtly shook. From its shadows hid her legs of which her right was furiously shuddering. “If this pattern continues, then that means in 3 months Lee will…”

She dropped the pen, returning her face into the depths of her palms. “I can’t deal with this right now, but I _have_ to…” Louis tried _fifteen_ times; how the hell was she going to save everyone else with just one shot? By looking at how empty her page was and the stress from only a handful of words, she was ready to give up for the day already.

There was a knock at the door. A short break sounded like a welcome idea. Releasing her head from her hands, she unenthusiastically ordered, “Come in.”

A wave of fresh air brushed the back of her neck as the door creaked open. Her eyes were fixed on the paper, and the gentle nature of the voice from behind was passed over to Clem as it sought to ease the tension in the room. She was relieved to find it was Katjaa and not someone like Lilly in a time like this. “Good morning,” the older woman greeted before kneeling beside her chair. “We noticed you were looking stressed out. Are you all right, sweetie?”

“I’m fine, I’ve just…” she covered her list with an arm as she turned to face one of the two people who’d frequently checked on her after returning from the stream. “I’ve got a lot on my mind, that’s all.”

Katjaa informed Clem that Lilly would start handing out the rations at any minute, and proceeded to ask the questions she appreciated every time. How she was, if she needed anything, etc. It really was like living with a mother again…

She displayed her gratitude for the check-up with a smile. “Thanks, Katjaa. You coming to see me so often really means a lot…” Something about her presence was so calming, and she found herself loving every minute of the attention, even if she thought it was undeserved.

“Of course. We said we’d take care of you, Clementine, just as you’ve taken care of us.” Kat’s eyes met the arm covering the paper with a sense of curiosity. With the two falling into silence, Kat decided she’d troubled Clem long enough. “Well, I’ll leave you to it. Try not to overthink anything, Clementine, we don’t want to see you anymore stressed. We’ll let you know when breakfast is ready, okay?”

“Okay, yeah. Oh, and Katjaa?” Clem watched as Katjaa who was making her way back to the door turned back round to face her. For everything they were doing for her, she felt obliged to say it, even though it’d been said a hundred times already. “Thank you.”

Katjaa’s face lit up in appreciation. “You’re welcome. We’ll see you later, Clementine.”

With the door coming to a close, the brunette returned her gaze to the stack of paper on the table. Her refreshed mind was ready to get back to work. Heeding Katjaa’s advice, she took a deep breath and readied the pen.

“Maybe I’m missing the point… Okay, let’s go back to basics. Before I can think of what _can_ happen, I need to think of what _did_ happen.” With the flick of a wrist, she crafted a trail of ink down the page of every major event she could remember.

From the top to the bottom contained details ranging from her time at the motor inn, Howe’s Hardware, The New Frontier, and of course, Ericson’s. Every time, and every place. She scribbled little notes next to each point about who she met and all the deaths along the way. So many names reduced to ink… except they weren’t. She and Louis’ plan might’ve gone horribly wrong, but that opened a whole new window of opportunity. They could actually be saved! Katjaa and Duck didn’t have to rot away in the motel or Lee in a jewellery store. She just had to figure out _how_. At least in Kenny’s case, she knew how to drive nowadays, but she knew all too well accidents could strike at any given moment.

Filled with a newfound hope, she took another page from the pile after running out of room. Eager to put pen onto paper, the words ‘FISH TRAPS’ stood tall, ready for another list to fill the page. “Just like before, I should start with who died and who was responsible first. Then I can look at both lists, and figure out what I’m going to do. Okay, let’s see…” With the amount of guilt plaguing her from the very first days of the apocalypse, she knew her name would turn up more than she’d like. But as difficult as writing this was going to be, the pen glided down the page.

**Kenny – Me**

**Lee – Me, Stranger.**

**AJ – Me, Lilly (Her goons, Del, Richard).**

She briefly paused, looking over the names. “Three of the most important people in my life since ‘it’ happened, and I killed them all…” She breathed a heavy sigh; the rest of this list wasn’t going to be fun either.

**Mark – St. John’s, Bandits.**

**Larry – St. John’s, Kenny, Lee.**

**Katjaa – Bandits, Ben**

**Duck – Bandits, Ben**

**Chuck – Me? Ben? **

**Omid – Me, Bandit/Survivor.**

**Christa (?) – Bandits/Scavengers**

**Ben – Kenny?**

There, that marked everyone she met up in the upcoming future. She didn’t the exact details for everyone but it would have to do. And for good measure, she ended up quickly jotting down those in the cabin group, Howe’s, The New Frontier, and her time at Ericson’s, including Sophie and Minerva. Who knew what’d happen to them this time. The chances of her meeting any of these people again were slim, but nobody knows what the future holds.

There she had it, another page filled. She placed the two side by side to get an idea of how much time was remaining before their functioning lives would begin to unfold. Her attention went back and forth between each page, linking each person to the time and place. But the more she looked, the more her eyes landed on a single name under the fish traps section: Rebecca. AKA, AJ’s mom. And then it hit her.

She froze. “What the fuck am I gonna do about AJ?” She sat there staring blankly into the ink at the heart of her sudden concern. Never before had she realised how different her current situation was to the original plan.

Clementine, Louis and AJ were all supposed to be back at Ericson’s preparing for Lilly’s raid, but now the person the entire plan revolved around saving wasn’t even born. “How the hell am I supposed to know exactly when AJ was born? Not even that… How do I even know how to find them in the first place? It was by complete chance I ended up at the cabin, and complete chance it was when Rebecca was about to give birth.”

She took another page, writing ‘**AJ’** at the very top. She let the pen do the talking, and wrote down whatever came to mind.

**How do I find them? How do I time it?  
State – North Carolina  
Year – (?) Over a year after Savannah. (Went from 9 years old to 11!)**

But as she began thinking about the almost impossible task ahead of her, doubt began creeping in the back of her mind.

**Should I even go after AJ? Do I even deserve to?**

With the previous day still fresh on her mind, she began to question if she had the right to interfere with his parent’s lives again.

**Maybe if me and Kenny aren’t there, he can live with his parents. Like he was always supposed to…  
Without me there, Carver might not find them. If he doesn’t, Rebecca and Alvin will both live (right?). It could go differently. Carver could die sooner. The group might not stay at the ski lodge.  
! – I’m not stealing a child from its parents - !**

The more she thought about it, the more she started to believe that finding her adoptive son wouldn’t be possible. That, or the current circumstances were showing a harsh reality.

**I’ve got Kenny and Lee back… Does that mean I can have AJ back too? But wouldn’t it be different for a baby? They’re the same as I remember because they’re adults obviously, but AJ would never grow up to be the same as he once was…  
I can definitely assume he’ll be born again, but he’s not my little goofball anymore. He’ll be Rebecca and Alvin’s. He won’t need me.  
! – E.g. I can still call Lee my guardian, but I can’t call AJ my son anymore. - !  
Considering what I “know” about the Fish Traps rule, unless I do: **

  * **Everything the same (So Lee, Katjaa and Duck all have to die),**
  * **Somehow travel to the same places alone with Christa for the same amount of time,**
  * **Find a single cabin in the woods at the perfect time without any clue of where it is other than North Carolina somewhere, **
  * **Go through everything the same after that (Escape Howe’s the same way - Luke, Nick, Rebecca, Alvin, Pete + more all dying, Go to find Wellington),**

**Only then would I get AJ back like in the original plan. **

**  
! - For me to have AJ again like before, I’d have to knowingly let his parents, and everyone else die. - ! **

“…I can’t do it.” She looked down in defeat. Strictly following the original plan was looking more of an impossibility the more the white paper became covered in the blank ink. “I’m sorry, Louis… I think the plan’s gonna have to change.”

She felt a pounding against her forehead as her mind ran into the ultimate roadblock. The whole point of going through with Louis’ time box plan was to save AJ, but now it seemed like it was either totally impossible or would cause more harm. From what she gathered from these initial ideas, for her to walk down the path towards AJ would mean losing Lee, Katjaa and Duck again. Kenny could eventually meet the same fate as before too. But if she were to go down a different path… Maybe they could be saved.

The only thing she could confidently say she’d gained from the jumbled mess of words, boxes and lists scattered across these pieces of paper was a raging headache. She didn’t even know if what she’d wrote made sense. She could’ve easily missed something and was getting worked up over nothing. Her head buried itself in her hands again. These weren’t just any pieces of paper. They could determine the lives of however many of her loved ones. Getting this wrong wasn’t an option.

Her brain was already aching after getting only so far into a plan, and with deciding she couldn’t follow Louis’ principles if she wanted to keep Lee and the others alive, she would have to start all over again. The pen slipped between her fingers, crashing onto the table below.

“I need help.”

She grabbed the fallen pen and furiously scribbled on the paper containing future events, **FIND LOUIS**. She wanted to do so anyway, but now she really needed his help more than ever. With that, she had the first concrete idea in her new plan. At some point, she would head up to Ericson’s, with or without the other motel survivors. When was another question altogether, but even if it was an obvious course of action, she was satisfied with finding something productive to write down. No way was she waiting eight years to see him again. Why make a plan alone, when you can make a plan together?

But other than that, she was in a complete mindfuck. Her head felt like it was going to melt inside her skull. There was no way she could keep going. “I’ll have to try this again… I can’t follow our old plan; I’ll just have to figure out how to make the best of this until I find him. I don’t know how the hell I’m gonna get back to Ericson’s but I’ll find you, Lou… I’ll find you…”

There was another knock at the door. _Thank God…_ Anything to get her away from the stress marked in ink she’d welcome with open arms. “Come in.”

Well, wasn’t Kenny a sight for sore eyes? He entered the room armed with a can of food and spoon. She’d forgotten all about breakfast.

“Hey, Clem, you ready for breakfast? Woah, hey, are you alright?” He rushed to her side looking terribly worried and emptied his hands, placing the can and spoon on the side of the table. “If you weren’t already sittin’ down I’d think you were about to collapse.”

It was so weird seeing him after planning about his death minutes ago. Clementine’s mind was lost in a world of stress, fatigue and confusion. When she kept thinking about how he might die again, her only thought was trapping him in a hug and letting the fish traps of fate take her instead. If… if she just never let go… then they wouldn’t hurt him. As long as she never let go…

Her heart was racing. How she was terrified of the very thing she was forced to write down. What if all her attempts were in vain and there was no way of beating fate at its own game? They’d all die again. She’d be left alone again. Alone. Again. All alone. Exactly how The New Frontier left her. Wandering aimlessly. No hopes, no desires, only crippling isolation at the endgame of so many mistakes. All alone. Where nobody loves you. All alone. Because you killed them all.

“Ah!” She cried as a hand against her shoulder caught her off guard. Her breathing deteriorated into short and snappy gasps for air as the thought of reliving her worst nightmare ran around her head to no end.

“Woah! Clem, it’s okay! It’s me, Kenny! See?” All she saw was a man whose near future was destined to lead to a grave. Someone her heart never realised how much she loved until he came back into her life. It was screaming at her to take action. Each heartbeat grew progressively stronger against her chest as they tried reaching out to the man for themselves out of defiance for her rooted position to the chair.

_He’s going to die…_ Fear struck the ends of every nerve in her body. _If I don’t figure everything out, he’s going. To. Die._ Her fingers, her legs, they all began to tremble. A cruel picture was painted before her of his deep brown eyes slowly fading to grey as he began the transformation into a walker. A man once filling her world with words of hope and laughter, reduced to nothing more than a mindless creature. That’s what she once allowed him to become. Everything she both loved and hated that made Kenny, Kenny. Gone. And it was going to happen all over again. Her nerves were set on fire, her body demanding she followed its instructions.

She couldn’t move, as if she was forced to be a spectator no matter how hard she tried to intervene as fate mercilessly dangled a knife above his head. A ka-bar knife. _Her_ old knife. She was powerless, and watched as it dangled closer, and closer, swaying left and right barely grazing his hair from a single piece of string.

And then it dropped to his neck, the tip of the blade aiming to pierce straight through in one clean stab. Her eyes went wide in preparation for an execution. A blinding reflection shone from the metallic blade, laying the foundations for masking its shining silver beneath an all new blood drenched camouflage.

And then it slowly pulled back, gathering as much momentum as possible for the grand finale. The more it pulled on the string, the harder it was for Clementine to breathe. She couldn’t take it anymore.

_HE’S GOING TO DIE!_

She exploded from the chair, thrusting herself forward until colliding with his chest. Coming close to accidentally tackling him to the ground, she flung her right arm around his neck to take the hit from the knife and the other around his back. She squeezed like she’d never squeezed before. The only thing standing between him and a gruesome end was her. If she just never let go, none of the world’s evil tricks would hurt him ever again. She braced for impact. Her body couldn’t stop shaking but had one - and only one - goal in mind: to not let that knife anywhere near him.

“Holy shit, Clem! What’s the matter with you?” He exclaimed from locked inside her tight grip.

“I-I-I’m protecting you!”

“From what!?” It didn’t matter if he didn’t know. None of them knew the things she did. They would never understand, they couldn’t ever understand, but she’d do it anyway. No matter what the cost.

“I won’t let you die… I won’t let you die… I won’t… I… I…” she muttered to herself. Whether it was a stab wound here or a car crash later, Clementine was a puppet under the control of her protective instincts while the rest of her body cowered in fear, and right now they were causing an uproar chaotic enough to challenge fate head on.

Kenny produced a set of forced coughs and Katjaa appeared almost immediately. The world around her lost all meaning, the warmth of one man’s body and the beating of his heart acted as her lifeline from everything fading to black. Words floated around the room with none coming from the terrified teenager. She didn’t attempt making any sense of them, being focused solely on monitoring his pulse so it would never come to a stop again.

“Ken, what happened?”

“There’s somethin’ wrong with her. She looked like she’d seen a ghost and hasn’t been actin’ right.”

“Let me take a look…”

Footsteps.

“Oh God, I think she’s having a panic attack. Did she say anything? Anything before it started?”

“Yeah, she was screamin’ about protectin’ me and then about not letting me die…”

“Okay… Clementine? Sweetie? I need you to listen to me, okay?”

Clementine blinked to find the empty space between herself and the bed occupied by Katjaa of whom had knelt in front of her. The focus on keeping Kenny alive blocked her ability to think, and could only return a blank stare as she trembled against his shoulders.

“Kenny is perfectly safe here in this room. You have done an excellent job of protecting us. All thanks to you, nothing can hurt him or anyone else inside these walls. We are safe from the monsters. Everything is going to be okay, sweetie.”

No-one else knew about the fish traps. She released through a shaky breath, “You don’t know that…”

She heard another gentle voice to her right. Kenny carried on from where Katjaa left off in an attempt to further reassure her. “We’ll all look out for each other, Clementine. Nothin’s gonna happen to me, especially when we’ve got you around. You’re doin’ great.”

She couldn’t handle his confidence in her ability. She pushed herself from his shoulders, every detail of her expression covered in fear as she faced him. “But what if _I’m_ the one who hurts you!?”

The three fell into an abrupt silence. After all of her recent efforts dedicated to their benefit, the parents were astonished to find that one of the greatest threats in Clementine’s mind was herself. The girl scanned the room for danger during the pause and found that Katjaa was right. The knife was nowhere to be found, but noticing the lack of Kenny’s pulse in her ear dragged her right back into the tight hold.

Sweat trickled down her forehead. “I… I have to figure everything… _everything_ out. Everything…” Her head was on fire, ranting away in her panicked state was her body’s automatic defence mechanism to extinguish the flames. “I can make it better, I have to make it better, but if something happens to you it’ll be all my fault. There’s so much to do, there’s always so much to do… And if I don’t find out how to keep you all safe… I’ll be left alone again. I can’t be all alone again, I can’t be…” Even with no plan of action to beat the traps, she begged for her cries to be save her from the painful road ahead. “Please don’t leave me…” Her eyes quivered around the floor below. The dread of abandonment whether through death or not lay deep within her fragile heart, and as much as it was supressed by the family’s overwhelming kindness, it never truly went away.

She jumped at a pair of arms encircling her back. “It’s all right, Clementine…” Kenny possessed a gentle nature best known to Clem for soothing her damaged spirit many times before. She was calmed from the tone of his voice alone, and him returning a hug of his own demonstrated a mission to personally fight off the fear corrupting a lonesome girl on the battlefields of a fucked-up new world. “Do you remember the day we met on Hershel’s farm? In that barn where we all sleepin’, I made a promise. I… mighta said it just to get your off my back, but now I really mean it. Do you remember what it was?”

She could clearly picture it. The power station nightmare, where she watched her guardians willingly abandoning her by the fire. Lee walking off, and not doing anything to stop him. Then Kenny walking off, and becoming overcome with panic enough to desperately seize him in place. Just as she was doing now. Sensing the familiarity of the situation, memories of the promise they made came rushing back.

She needed to hear it again. Whatever comfort it brought her the first time was essential right about now. “Can… can you say it again? Like you really mean it?”

“Of course.” Her ears blocked out any distractions from their surroundings in anticipation. Kenny was taking centre stage, her conscience waiting in silence for his next words as if relying on them to repair her fractured mind. “I promise I won’t leave you, darlin’. And I sure as hell mean it this time.”

His act was short and simple, but quality enough to earn a rapturous applause. She felt a cold drop of sweat gliding down her forehead, draining the stress from her skin until eventually splashing against the carpet floor. _And that means no dying on me, either…_

“Thank you…” she breathed. The parents displayed a righteous act of patience as they allowed Clementine to spend a few minutes clinging onto Kenny’s shoulders in order to let his words sink in. Eventually, her eyes lazed around the room, checking each corner for any signs of danger. As it was, nothing could disprove his promise, yet her hands couldn’t release themselves from his shirt. She was in her room with Kenny and Katjaa, of whom were originally here to check on her then see about breakfast. What just happened? Her stomach was a pit of nerves despite it being just another ordinary morning. She couldn’t understand how it was possible for her to fall victim to her fears so easily.

She looked down at her trembling hands as they clutched the cotton shirt. “What the fuck am I doing…” The troubled teen thought out loud.

Katjaa took control of the scene again. “It’s okay, honey. You’re just having a form of panic attack, they’re completely harmless please don’t worry. We just need to get your breathing under control. With me, okay?” Noticing her irregular breaths, Clementine automatically followed the mother’s demonstration – counting to four breathing in, counting to four breathing out. She was no stranger to the technique and before long it’d stabilised, though having little effect on her racing heartbeat.

“Has this ever happened before, sweetie? You can be honest with us, it’s really nothing to be ashamed off.”

“Um… A few times before I think, but I was always able to control myself. They were never this bad…” In her mind it was another sign of weakness. Another sign of how far she’d fallen after AJ’s death.

“Okay… You’ll be fine, Clementine, all this stress will pass with a bit of time. We’ll all have our breakfast in here so we can keep you calm, is that all right?” Katjaa suggested much to the teenager’s appreciation. As much as she wanted to accept the offer right away, the commotion made her think of one more thing to write down before giving up for the day.

“Could you maybe give me a minute, please? I’ll come and meet you outside, I just need to write something down real quick.”

“Oh, is this plan of yours what’s making you so stressed?” She stood and was about to look over the monstrosity of ink laying uncovered at her table. Clem snatched at her wrist before she could walk by.

“D-d-don’t look at that! You can’t…” It was for her eyes and her eyes only. To any normal person it probably looked like the drawings of someone confined to an insane asylum. She was sure they’d both got a glimpse of it, but they couldn’t find out what she was up to. They just couldn’t.

“That’s a “yes” then.” The older woman sighed, but to Clementine’s relief did she respect her privacy and back away from the table. “I think it would be best if you took the rest of the day off from that, but…” Kat’s eyes were drawn to the tension around her wrist. It wasn’t enough to hurt, but was enough to convey Clem’s stubbornness everyone knew the difficulty of opposing. Her tone was stern while she said, “You will only be _one_ minute, won’t you? It’s not that I don’t trust you, honey, but I know what you’re like with these things.” 

_I mean, she’s not wrong…_ Clem briefly thought to herself, she _did_ have a habit lately of making a mountain out of a molehill. Heading her ‘warning’, she assured her, “Uh, yeah. Yeah, no, it’s… not much. I’ll be out before you know it, yeah…”

Katjaa raised an eyebrow as she watched the brunette trip over her own words, but was satisfied enough and made her way back to the door. Clem was ready to tackle her plan one more time for the day before she realised Kenny was still in the room and still locked beneath her right arm’s grip.

“Hey Clem? Don’t you think you’re forgetting something?”

“Oh, s-sorry…” Even after all that, something inside her was hesitant to let go. She forced herself to pull away, and to protect her plan’s privacy she handed him back the spoon and food lay on the table before he could sneak a peek. “I’m… sorry about everything I just did. I hope I didn’t scare you or anything.”

He accepted the returned items and flashed her a reassuring smile. “It’s all right, Clementine. You never know what your gonna do when you’re scared. I’ll see you in a minute.”

As the door came to a close, she watched the two backtrack to a couch located behind the RV. She couldn’t believe this is how people once used to act before they realised how bad the world really was. Clementine not being accustomed to so much support was an understatement. The parents sat beside each other, and both immediately gave a worried glance back to Clem standing by the window.

“Well, I better get on with is. Otherwise Katjaa’s gonna yell at me…” The faintest of smiles accompanied the thought. She sounded like a normal kid again. But even then she was unable to enjoy the moment - her heart couldn’t stop racing from the leftover anxiety, and believing that their company was invaluable in her current state, she slid off another piece of paper to get this over with as fast as possible.

Wielding the stress-inducing pen, she scribbled the word ‘**ME’** in the centre of the page, letting the pen go round, and round, and round again to enclose the bold text within a circle. She wanted a page dedicated to herself as a means of monitoring her recovery, but its real purpose was to find that hope of becoming the strong and independent survivor she once was again.

She drew a hasty sketch of her hat at the bottom, and quickly jotted down key words and objectives. She had to find a way of properly controlling her anger. She had to be able to cope with living in the same home as Lilly. Then there was taking care of her body, getting her strength back, getting enough rest to put an end to her constant fatigue… And she somehow had to balance it all.

She sighed looking down at another mess of a page. At least this one wouldn’t be rendered redundant once the rest of her plan was created. “I guess that’s all I’ve got time for, Katjaa will be knocking down my door any second.” She organised her sheets into their own smaller pile and placed them upside down adjacent with the wall to hide their contents. “So after all that work, all I’ve decided in the end is that I need a new plan. Great… Guess it’s better than going ahead with a bad one, at least.”

She brought a hand to her forehead as she left the room. The sweat, the heat, the headache constantly banging her skull like a drum, she ignored every one of her body’s not-so-subtle warnings of leaving her bed. She was determined to follow some part of her plan. Getting her strength back meant eating breakfast, and right now breakfast lay in the hands of a man she owed so much to already.

“Right here, Clem!” He invited, gesturing for her to join him and his wife on the couch. The positivity from Kenny’s greeting was transmitted straight to her face. Equipped with a warm smile, she looked forward to spending time with the small family but not before someone else wanted her attention.

Lee called out from his position on watch, “Mornin’, Clementine. I uh… saw what happened in your room. Are you doin’ all right? You don’t look too good…”

Her tired eyes squinted from the sun targeting its harsh beams in her direction. She found his statement somewhat amusing considering her stagnant appearance since arriving at her house. “When do I ever look good? Seriously though, I appreciate you checking up on me. I’m fine now.”

_I think_. She began doubting her certainty the second she said it. Her manic heartbeat left her constantly on edge, and she wasn’t 100% calmed from her latest episode started because of Louis’ fish traps rule. She was most certainly not ‘fine’.

“You don’t have to be. If you need anything, you let me know, all right? I’ll do as much as I can, too.” She couldn’t help but love how hard he was trying to help, even if he was mostly clueless on what to do. It only made his efforts all the sweeter.

“Thanks, Lee. I really do appreciate it.”

He didn’t have to say a word for Clem to see he had a lot on his mind. As per his duties, he surveyed the motor inn and seeing she was wanted somewhere else, he decided against troubling her any further. “No problem. Okay Clem, you can run along now. Oh, and try eating slower for me, would you? We don’t want a repeat of the other night,” he said in good spirit.

“I will, I will. See you later, Lee.”

Departing from one of her guardians and heading towards another, she noticed a lesser amount of pain in the stomach region compared to the previous day. Seeing as though said day involved another violent vomiting session, any improvement probably didn’t mean all that much, but she interpreted as a means for her to start making progress on her recovery. No more being sick. At least, not when she could help it. Converting insane thoughts into ink was a great way of staying focused.

It was only a two-seater couch, but the parents made sure there was room for three. With Katjaa on the left and Kenny in the middle, she took a seat in the empty space to his right, took a deep breath, and tried to relax.

“Here you go Clem; one meal, one spoon,” he handed her each respective item before leaning over the couch. “Aaaand one bucket. You know, just in case.” She accepted it with no hesitation and propped it by the right armrest. “And Clem, if you find yourself feelin’ sick at any point, you can always leave it for now. There’s no harm in finishing it later. Remember, slow and steady wins the race, right? Take it at your own pace.”

Katjaa added, “Yes, and if you ever feel thirsty, I refilled your water bottle when I was cleaning your jacket. I put it back in the same pocket.”

Everything was already prepared for her. She’d been nothing more than a stranger to them at the farm, but after only a few short days in their company she felt right at home. Happiness like this came once in a lifetime to her. Beaming her smile at the two, she confirmed, “Right. Thank you,” and opened the can. Beans. A little boring, but packed full of energy. Just the thing she needed.

“Okay, dig in everyone!” With the trio following in Kenny’s footsteps, Clem took the opportunity to let her mind drift away from her troubles. A cool summers breeze danced with the locks of her hair. Trees rustled in the wind around the motel, the gentle sound immersing the girl inside a ring of nature’s peace. She took a deep breath, inviting the clean air to settle on her anxious heart. It was perfect…

“S_h_o! It_sh_ funny s_h_eeing you without yer hat on.”

“Kenny, please, do you have to speak with your mouth full?”

Well, almost perfect.

“What? She’s my bas_h_eball cap buddy. No-one els_h_e wears_h_ one.”

“Just because you wear that hat all the time it does not mean you can forget your table manners. I’m sure Clementine would much prefer it if you did not speak like a toddler.”

“Alright, alright. Fine.”

Clem sat in silence as the conversation unfolded. She always enjoyed seeing Kenny acting playful, contrary to Katjaa of whom was giving the man a confused stare. ‘Baseball cap buddy’. Something about that seemed so funny to her, like they had their own unique connection among the group. It made her want to forget all about her plan, run inside to grab her hat, and sit back down together as proud ‘buddies’.

“I’ll put it back on once I’ve sorted myself out, don’t worry,” she tried to say positively. They both saw through her disguise, dropping their carefree attitudes in worry.

Kenny was the first to speak up. “Walkers by the stream?”

“Kinda…” That, and everything else. He didn’t know the half of it.

He nodded in understanding, giving room for Katjaa to provide her input. “You mentioned this plan of yours down by the stream too… Clementine, honey, you probably believe you have to think of everything immediately, but that’s not true at all.” Kat leaned forward to directly face her. She briefly looked over the motel, before continuing, “From the looks of things, we’re not going anywhere for the time being. In my opinion, the best plans are made with patience. Ken, do you remember a few years ago when we booked that weekend in Miami last minute, and we had to turn back halfway there because you forgot your wallet?”

Scratching the back of his neck, he admitted, “Heh… Yeah I do.”

Clem was listening intently to the older woman’s advice. “My point is, it would be better if you took your time with it. For your plan’s sake, and your mental health’s sake too. I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but I can see it’s very important to you. You’ve got all the time in the world, sweetie. Just be patient, okay?”

She couldn’t disagree with anything Katjaa just said. “Yeah… Yeah, okay. You’re right.” She might not have had _all_ the time in the world, but there was still 3 months before anything major happened. Her body couldn’t handle any stress; Clem would have to follow the advice whether she wanted to or not. “Thanks, Katjaa, it’s kind of a relief you saying that, actually.”

On the topic of her plan, she turned to face Kenny. “Hey, Kenny? I don’t suppose you could help me with something, could you?”

“Sure, what’s up?” Before she could answer, he took his own guess and ran with the topic. “Is it about those fish traps? ‘Cus I’ve gone an’ made a few temporary ones until I get my hands on some netting ‘n’ maybe some rope, those should make things easier. I’ve shoved them in a box by the wall. I uh… I hate to ask this of you just comin’ outta that attack or whatever, but you don’t think I could bring you along when I go to set them up?”

She was puzzled; Kenny the fishing captain himself needed help with catching fish? That couldn’t have been the case. “I’ll happily tag along. What do you need me for? Protection?”

She hit the nail on the head, and to her surprise, he wasn’t afraid to admit it. “Yeah, I’d feel a helluva lot safer with you watchin’ my back than anyone else here. I don’t really wanna go out there alone, so… And I don’t wanna sound like I’m takin’ advantage of you or nothin’, but-”

“Kenny it’s fine, really,” she interrupted. From the look in his eyes, she could tell he was about to spend half the day explaining himself. “It makes me feel useful anyways; I know I’m not what you’d expect out of a normal girl… so I’m just happy to help in any way I can,” she assured. 

“Thanks, Clem. The world could use more kids like you, even before the dead started walkin’…” She took the compliment in her stride; it got her wondering what she’d be doing if society hadn’t collapsed. She could be a doctor just like her mom, or maybe even a soccer player if many future years of practise weren’t stripped away from her. She always thought she didn’t like it all that much, but kicking a ball around for fun beat kicking living corpses around for survival any day of the week. All the fun she and her old friends used to have on the school playing field… Just thinking about it made her want to play again, if not just to try it. It’d be the first sport she’d played in years.

Before she had the chance to step off memory lane and get back on track, Katjaa had a question of her own. “Pardon me, Clementine, but while we’re on the topic… Our clothes are picking up a lot of dirt these days and I want to have them cleaned. Would you consider taking me down there sometime too? I know it’s not as urgent as the traps, but it is still important we all wear clean clothes.”

Clem could only continue smiling at the request. Being bound to crutches for a month at Ericson’s after her bite made her truly appreciate having others depending on her. “Of course I will. Come see me whenever you’re ready. I won’t let anything near the two of you, you can count on it.”

Kenny’s face lit up, the prideful smirk she always loved to see emerging beneath his moustache with swagger. “You know Kat, it sounds like our family’s got our very own secret agent. She’s doin’ a damn better job than the government is right now,” he joked, and following his lead he and Katjaa quietly laughed between each other. It was nice to see people laughing, and it was twice as nice hearing a joke not tainted with Louis’ signature. They may have been terrible most of the time, but it was just one of her boyfriend’s many charms she couldn’t help but love. With Louis in mind, she felt the need to correct Kenny on one crucial detail.

She cleared her throat and stated, “I am a _ninja_, thank you. Not a ‘secret agent’,” before proudly noting, “I am your family’s very own personal ninja, and my contract expires on… Oh look, it doesn’t!”

“…”

Silence.

_…Oh God, Louis’ sense of humour really **did** rub off on me._

“Well then…” Kenny put his hands together as if he were praying and closed his eyes. “We are forever in debt to your services, ninja Clementine.” The brunette was caught up in all the joy. Kenny looked so happy… Was he always this happy at the motor inn? She didn’t think so. Why on earth she didn’t get to know him properly here like she’d done with Lee was beyond her. If it turned out that her involvement had any relation to his positive mood, she’d be over the moon.

“Now… What was it _you_ wanted to talk about?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”

“You were gonna ask me for help with something? Uh, sorry about going so off course.”

“Oh, right…” It’d completely slipped her mind. It was something about her plan. Ugh, _her plan_. She was getting sick of all its trouble already. “Um… Oh, I’ve got it. Could you maybe… help me with Lilly?”

Almost all the joy evaporated from his face in an instant. He seemed nervous to ask, “What do you mean?”

“It’s not anything bad, don’t worry. Just… Well you know I have a problem with her, but if this is all going to work, I need to be able to live in the same place as her. And you know I’m not the most… _stable_ person.” It was painful to admit, but there was no denying the reality of their situation. “Yesterday with the walkers… that wasn’t me. So if you could, I don’t know, maybe stick by me when I have to talk to her? Keep me close, make sure I don’t go off the rails or anything, that sorta stuff. Kinda like what we talked about yesterday morning. Can you do that, please? I really don’t want to endanger you guys.”

He was relieved to hear a lack of assassination plans within her pleas. “Sure thing. Listen Clem, I don’t know what you thinkin’ at the time, but did you notice me coughing when you first grabbed a hold’a me in your room?”

“Uh, I think so. It was just before Katjaa found us there, right?”

“Mhm. We set up a little call and response thing; if one of us ever coughed twice in a row and you could, you know, tell it was fake, the other would know you were in trouble and needed help.”

Her eyes went wide. “You two made that system… just for me?”

Nodding, he proposed, “Yup. But with this Lilly thing it looks like you might need it too, so if you ever have another panic attack, a nightmare, Lilly gets under your skin, anything like that, you cough twice and I’ll come runnin’. And if I don’t, Kat will. That sound okay to you?”

“Y-yes…” She was impressed. Really impressed. A simple method, but was it ever effective earlier and she didn’t even notice. “Two coughs. Got it. Thank you, that’s really handy.”

Her spoon screeched against the can. She looked down at an empty piece of metal. Being able to see the bottom was a sign of victory with her current eating difficulties. For the first time that day, Clem payed attention to her stomach’s activity. Now that it was on her mind was she noticing a subtle sense of nausea creeping through her gut, but unlike certain previous meals, she could confidently keep it down.

“Oh, are you finished? Here, I’ll take those for you,” Katjaa offered. Clem held out the can now only filled with a spoon and they promptly changed hands. With only a few spoonful’s left, Kenny wolfed down the rest of his meal much to his wife’s disapproval. Regardless, she took the triplet of finished meals in her arms and headed towards the wall’s dumpsters.

Clementine slumped back into the couch breathing a sigh of relief. Ignoring the oncoming nausea, her stomach was smiling at her for not subjecting it to another round at the gallows. It was the first time she’d had a full belly in quite some time. The for-once fully functioning organ suggested she take a nap as a reward as it relaxed her body, allowing her underlying fatigue to take over again.

“Hey Clem, you feelin’ alright after that?” Kenny softly asked to her left.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. All that talking was just the…” A yawn disrupted her flow of speech, the growing weight of her eyelids going hand in hand with her body winding down, “…distraction I needed to eat slowly.”

“I can see why you’re always so tired… You wanna go back to bed?”

There wasn’t the luxury of nature’s peaceful lullabies back in her room. She shook her head, replying, “I think I’ll just stay here… If you don’t have anything to do, would it… be okay if you stayed too? I’d like that…”

“Nice rhyme…” he commented. “Yeah, go on ahead. I’ll be right here if that makes you feel better, you’ve earned it.”

Her eyes fell to a close. “Thanks…” The sound of her voice was lost behind the orchestra of leaves blowing in the wind from all directions. It was already perfect, but there was a way of making it just that little bit better. She shifted herself to the left, and let her body lean limp against his arm. Anything that vaguely resembled the power station dream made the desired sleep that much more satisfying. She took a deep breath, and finally with a relaxed heartbeat, allowed the trees to sing her soul to sleep.

Their melody acted as a cushion between the walls of her skull and the headache rebelling inside. The rest of her body might’ve disregarded it, but her mind took advantage of every second of peace sleep had to offer.

Who knew how much time had passed. Quite frankly, she didn’t care. Outside of the mind-boggling plan sat on her table, her agreement to delay runs into Macon was just the break she needed. They were right; her goals were further away than reaching out to the sun, and for her to have the best chance of achieving them, she’d need to think of herself just as much as the others. Her condition was vital in masterminding this game of life and death, a game she would stop at nothing to win.

“_Nnngh_…” Whatever saving grace of sleep she earned was coming to an end. Something was tapping just above her mouth. Her eyes reluctantly opened to the sight of Kenny with his left index finger wrapped in a cocoon of tissue. “…_Kenny_?”

“Hm?” He seemed surprised to see her awake. Taking on a gentle voice, he apologised, “Shit… I’m sorry, Clementine. Your nose was bleedin’ again, is all. Here, let me get that for you.”

She was more than comfortable with him to accept his help. In a time when Ericson’s was still her home, she really thought she was ‘over it’, but gestures like these always brought her parents to mind. Everything Kenny and Katjaa was doing for her resembled their care as best as she could remember it.

…She wanted to try it again. Just being able to call someone “mom” or “dad”. The closer she was to her old home, the more she was beginning to miss them again. If only she’d gone back another few days. Her father’s cooking would’ve filled the air as she rushed downstairs following the scent of homemade pancakes. Then, after many hours, the front door would open as her mother finished her final day at work. They could all sit around the television at night. Talking to each other, laughing with one another. Sharing the love of a happy family, just like they used to.

She closed her eyes to break off the daydream. There was no way she could call anyone at the motor inn mom or dad, not so soon. She assumed they wouldn’t be comfortable with it, or would give them another reason to view her as weak. If only she’d thought about it when living with Kenny all those years ago… she would’ve asked if she could call him her father in a heartbeat. Well, she would now at least.

Trying to find a distraction from her regrets, she asked, “Kenny, how long have I been asleep?”

His gaze shot up to the clouds, trying to think of an acceptable answer. “Uh, probably about… an hour or two? Dunno, I haven’t really kept track.”

That was a little longer than expected. “And you’ve been sitting with me this whole time? You don’t have to, you know. You could always spend time with Katjaa or Duck if you wanted…” She suggested, secretly hoping he wouldn’t take her advice.

His eyes narrowed, unwavering from a fixed view of the room dead ahead - a display not far off the classic ‘decision-making’ face. Ending a few seconds of silence, he responded, “Nah… Nah, it’s all right. I think they’ve gone back to the rooms anyways. Duck only got up a little while ago and started on some drawing but cleared off, and Kat’s probably reading or keepin’ her diary up to date.”

Katjaa had a diary? Fuck, now she wanted to read it. It may have been a bit hypocritical since her privacy was being respected (hopefully), but she had a natural curiosity to appease! She wanted to know what they _really_ thought of her, and who’s to say it wouldn’t contain any information possibly relevant to her masterplan? Someone like Katjaa could’ve easily picked up on something she didn’t… Surely a little peak wouldn’t hurt some time.

Kenny looking back at her broke the scheming from her train of thought. His solemn expression was overcome with affection, with him seeming confident in his small decision. “I like spendin’ time with you too, ya know. Sorry if this is gonna sound a little weird to you, Clementine, but in the middle of all the madness goin’ on in the world right now,” he gestured with his hand around the motel, “sittin’ here with you - even if you just wanna sleep – feels so… _right_. I know I’m usin’ that word again… maybe ‘nice’ is what I’m lookin’ for. I don’t know. I’m not uh, makin’ you uncomfortable or nothin’, am I?”

She shook her head; he couldn’t be more wrong. Out of everything going wrong so far, at least this turned out exactly as she’d hoped. “Not at all. I feel the same way. Without 15-foot stone walls with barbed wire to protect me, I feel so much more comfortable with you looking out for me.” Being away from the school made her realise just how much of a safe haven Ericson’s really was. Even her first night there was a breath of fresh air from her old car. “So, you’ll stay a little longer?”

“You bet I am. You plannin’ on gettin’ some more shut-eye?” Kenny asked.

“Mhm…” Her eyes wandered down to his arm she’d been resting on, flickering back and forth between the pillow and back to meet his face.

He was quick to take the hint, his smile growing ever larger as he uttered a quiet, “Come on then,” as he lifted his arm for her to get closer. She curled her legs up onto the couch and let her head drop under his shoulder to the side of his chest.

Her tongue was already shaping to say it. A golden opportunity to try calling someone by ‘dad’ - even if it was just an inaudible whisper - was right in front of her. The longer it hung in her mouth the more it fed nerves to her stomach. It wouldn’t make any sense to him, but her heart was crying out for her to say it. She was going to do it. Here goes…

“…”

“Thanks, Kenny…”

“No problem. Sleep well, Clementine.”

She breathed a sigh of disappointment. There was no way, not under the current circumstances. She tried focusing on nature’s harmony to ease herself to sleep instead. Maybe next time, when they, or at least, _he_ knew her a bit better should she try again.

The forest once again sang its lullabies to a gentle breeze. And just as she was about to slip into unconsciousness, they suddenly became deeper. Deeper, and… choppier. Not only that, but they were steadily getting louder, as if the trees were tipping in her direction, ready to fall. It felt wrong, very wrong.

Her danger instincts awakened. She jumped up on the couch and in front of Kenny, shielding him with open arms as her eyes rapidly scanned the environment. There was nothing dangerous in sight, yet the sound was kept getting louder. Remnants of her earlier panic aligned in her heart, sending it in a beating frenzy at the invisible threat.

Kenny called out from behind, “Whoa, whoa! Clem, it’s okay. It’s just a helicopter.”

“A _what_?!” Now her heart was beating for an entirely new reason. She scurried to the side of the couch, leaning on the armrest to get a better view. She twisted and turned trying and get a look at it wherever it was, almost falling back on Kenny in the process.

“Like I said, just a helicopter. What’s got your so worked up about it?” He asked, curious about her strange behaviour.

“I haven’t seen one in years!” The words flew out of her mouth in excitement. Any second now it would appear. She looked over every corner of the motel, until her eyes fell towards the row of rooms housing herself and Lee.

There it was! Her jaw hung low as the helicopter dressed in military colours followed a path in the motel’s direction. A helicopter that worked… and was _flying_! She never thought she’d get to see something like this ever again. She took it all in; this is what technology was once capable of. Put all the walkers in the world in front of her and she wouldn’t have to give a damn! All the places to go, all the sights to see… She thought of them all. She could go anywhere and make all the noise possible without having to worry about a single walker. Her mind darted from fantasy to fantasy, each one sounding more heavenly the more she got lost in the thoughts. But it was the simplest ideas that sounded most appealing. If she ever took a ride in that helicopter, she could fly! How cool is that?

…Wait, did helicopters always leave a trail of smoke behind them?

“That guy’s flyin’ a little low, ain’t he? No, hang on… Holy shit, that thing’s goin’ down!” Kenny gasped from behind. He was right. Debris was thrown rampantly around the motel as it whizzed by. Clementine was engulfed in its shadow for not even a second before she could realise it was heading straight for the city with no signs of stopping. Its momentum dragged it along a slow decline, and it this rate, it was undoubtedly going to crash. Even so, she savoured every last second of the relic from a world once dominated by mankind. Soon enough, the military vehicle and its trail of smoke disappeared behind the opposite row of rooms, possibly the last semi-working helicopter they’d see in their lives.

…Wow. She couldn’t take her eyes off the spot it vanished from. Kenny was giving her a funny look, and understandably so. She really was a stranger to a world she once called home. And she was among a group of people still trying to live in it.

“I thought you were jokin’… but you really haven’t seen one in years, have you?” He asked in surprise.

Accepting it was gone for good, she retook her position back on the couch, staring at the ground. “Um… Nope. Just another reason to think I’m weird… right?” She was finding it so hard to fit in with her old allies in the first place without having to be reminded of how different their worlds were.

His face was struck with guilt from the question. “No, I… You’re not weird, Clem, don’t talk about yourself like that… It’s just you quite clearly aren’t the shut-in type, so I just thought it was a little strange, sorry.” He took a turn of looking at his feet for a while, until mustering up the courage to ask about a tricky topic: her past. “Um… If you don’t mind me askin’, how long ago was it? When you last saw one, I mean.”

She’d already blurted out more suspicious material, she didn’t see any point in lying to cover her tracks. They were far too deep to hide. She matched his gaze, hoping he wouldn’t think of her any worse. She shyly stated, “Oh, you know…” and taking a deep breath, revealed, “Around eight or nine years…”

His eyes showed more white than brown. “Fuckin’ hell.” That’s about what she expected.

The stare she received played at her embarrassment, an urgent need to defend herself in any way possible came on as strong as the nerves steaming off the charred walls of her stomach. “I-I’ve spent most of my life travelling… S-so I’ve… Uh…” She couldn’t find the words as much as she tried. Her gaze returned to her feet in anticipation to be grilled about her past furthermore. Her right leg anxiously bounced against the concrete as the silence she created dragged on until the moment of truth.

“Well, thanks for bein’ honest with me.”

“Huh?” She jolted up straight on the couch. Even her nerves were confused, they didn’t know whether to pester her more or be relieved of their duties.

“I know you don’t like talkin’ about your past… I’m guessin’ that wasn’t easy for you. Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” He looked down, the guilt still tracing his features. “Still, even if it blows my mind, it’s nice gettin’ to know a little about the person carrying me and my family through this mess.” He gave her a comforting smile, which her nerves took as a sign that they were no longer needed.

She returned the friendly expression, grateful for the regard shown towards the touchy subject. “Thanks for understanding. But yeah, I’d rather focus on the present… I’ve probably cried enough on your shirt by now for everyone to know already. Sorry about all-”

She was cut off by an explosion in the far distance, with the source stemming from the road to Macon. Sounds like the helicopter wasn’t in the air any more.

“Uh, should we be worried about that?” Kenny asked, immediately looking to Clem for guidance.

“It just means Macon’s gonna be packed with walkers for a while, we’ll be perfectly safe here,” she assured.

No, there was something else they had to worry about. Something far more dangerous, and a lot closer to home. There was only one voice at the motor inn that carried the threat of resonating with the darkness that’d swallowed a large portion of her mind. So much so that she was scared of what was about to happen to herself, rather than the person themselves.

“You know, Warner Robins isn’t that far from here. We should think about searching there for help, or at least more food. We’re almost out.”

No no no no, she could not deal with Lilly right now, not with recovering from a panic attack. Alarm bells were ringing throughout her body, the sound of her enemy’s voice issuing Defcon 1 with immediate effect. She lightly coughed twice, looking at Kenny for a silent cry for help.

At the call of their system, his response set out to avert a crisis. He whispered, “Clem, c’mere,” raising his arm and gesturing for her to settle in closer again. She followed, and he delivered a solution she had no choice but to hope in its success. “I’ll talk to her, just try to stay calm, okay? Grab an’ squeeze onto my arm if that makes you feel better.”

She pulled the arm to her right around her own, trying to hide behind the stress-relieving device as she held on to it tight over her chest. Clementine avoided eye contact with the woman taking a seat in a chair opposite the couch at all costs. Having Kenny so close by was the only thing preventing the ticking time bomb for her sanity being shown the green light.

They couldn’t sit in silence forever. Clearing his throat, he set the game afoot. “Warner Robins… Ain’t that the air force base?”

“Yeah, I used to work there before I got stuck in Macon in the middle of all this. There might be people taking shelter there, maybe even the military. There’s a good chance that helicopter came from the air force base.” Clementine focused on controlling her breathing, trying to delay another violent reaction as best as possible. She couldn’t help it. A perfect mixture of fear and hatred for the woman ran deep in her blood instinctually. Of all the people she’d killed in her lifetime, Lilly was the only one who slipped through unscathed. And she _hated_ it.

Clem thought it wouldn’t be too bad. She’d hoped to view Lilly with more of an open mind after relieving her of the blame for AJ’s death. Lilly couldn’t have known what would happen. It wasn’t her fault. It was her soldiers, they’re the ones who shot him. It wasn’t her fault…

…

_Do you **really** believe that?_

…

“…so I was thinking we should send a group out tomorrow and check the place out. You and Lee would be up for it, right?”

“Warner Robins, huh…” Kenny scratched his chin with his free hand, the other being subjected to a tighter grip than initially trapped beneath. He took on a relaxed expression, turning to meet her eyes as he asked, “What do you think, Clem?” Thank God for him. Her heart was fighting a war on two fronts, with love to her left and anger to her right. She directed the marching band in her chest towards the former, welcoming herself into his comfort. And just as she was about to share her thoughts…

“Why do you need to ask _her_?” Lilly asked with clear suspicion. The words stung. Kenny pulled her closer into his embrace noticing the disorderly breathing coming from the anxious teen.

“Because if you haven’t realised, she knows a thing or two about what’s goin’ on,” he retaliated in her defence. “I’m not doin’ nothin’ if she ain’t on board.” Her head was planted in the side of his chest, eyes buried in the darkness of his shirt. He shook his right arm trying to get her attention, whispering, “Clem? Clem come on. What do you think we should do?”

Without Carley, she needed Mark. Without Ericson’s reliable traps, they needed the commissary food. She looked up at Kenny, not allowing Lilly to enter her vision by any means. “I-It’s a good idea. I’m coming too. There’s food there. There’s help there. We need to get them both b-before anyone else. We go tomorrow morning.”

“You’re so sure…” Kenny commented, though with no doubts of the girl’s knowledge. He was convinced enough, but his doubts were fixed on another topic. He whispered, “Um, look, Clementine… I think maybe it’d be best if you stayed behind, you know, so you can rest up a little longer.”

He’d picked a fight with her stubbornness that wasn’t in the mood for negotiations. “I can understand keeping me away from Macon, but you’re telling me you don’t want me searching a _military_ base? I’m going,” she insisted, and returned back to the shadows of his shoulder.

Kenny didn’t want to argue with her, he could only pry so far with the danger of causing the girl to snap lurking ever closer. Her grip of his arm kept getting tighter, and at this rate it’d be going blue any second. He turned his attention back to Lilly, hoping to finish the conversation early. “It’s a plan then. I’ll tell Lee when we go huntin’ later.”

“…Right.” Lilly agreed, with Kenny’s reliance on a teenager only adding to her suspicions.

It took everything for Clementine to not lash out at Kenny for his advice. She didn’t want to act so harsh, but having to agree with one of Lilly’s ideas sent her to the doghouse. Her mind barked out memories of AJs death to punish her, under the impression that’s what she just agreed to. And if she was clinging onto yesterday’s revelation about who to blame, it targeted her other sins instead.

_Remember what she did to Carley? To Mitch? Remember how she ruined the lives of so many kids at that school? Just think, what do you think would’ve happened to Louis if you chose Violet? Or you missed?_

…What would’ve happened to Louis? She didn’t know; it didn’t happen. If she were to step inside that cell again with Louis’ back turned to the wall instead of Violet’s… What would be waiting for her?

…

It was just as she remembered it. The rustic panels of wood keeping the boat afloat swaying back and forth from the river’s current. Her boots echoing against the floor. A room devoid of all hope, where shadows being the closest resemblance of the sun became the keeper of a young, music-loving man. He sat on the floor; head tucked into his knees. Quiet whimpers being the definition of someone who did not belong. His back was offered for his predators, as if he was providing them their next meal. The most vulnerable part of the body, and it was all she could see. The only way he could protect himself, was to not protect himself at all.

The first love of her life, and she couldn’t save him. Hunched into a ball, he sank into the darkness of the prison cell. It infected his soul without any resistance. The most positive, carefree guy she’d ever met had fallen into an unrepairable despair. All because of her.

“Louis…?”

“…”

Each step taken towards him poured on waves of nerves, suffocating her in fear of anticipating what scars the Delta had already inflicted. “Louis… please tell me you’re alright…” Her right arm shook on its way to his shoulder. He didn’t have to turn around for her to know something was horribly wrong. The walls of the prison were smiling, eagerly awaiting the grand reveal of their creation.

They unveiled the curtains. Louis’s head craned round slowly like on a broken axle and her heart stopped. His mouth bled a waterfall of the crimson liquid that’d taken the life her little boy not long ago. His eyes cast reflections packed full of a lifetime crushed by torture and pain, all results of his few short days on the boat. He desperately tried muttering her name but to no avail. Laughter echoed all around them from the depths of the blackened room; she hadn’t even got to the best bit.

Clementine followed the trail of blood like a march straight into hell. Louis wasn’t in there anymore, only the shell of a boy whose joyous nature was ripped from his body and fed to the walkers. And that’s when she found out why. They cut out his tongue.

She was going to be sick. No more jokes, no more songs… no more Louis. He kept calling out to her, pushing his body to the limit to force out a single letter. An unending struggle, to never claim the smallest of rewards. It would leave this prison, and taunt him for the rest of his life. His cries evolved into screams, all he wanted was to say her name. The sound of pure desperation rebounded off the walls time and time again, making Clementine fully understand the magnitude of this horror show.

Why? Why could she picture it so well? The last person of whom she truly cared for before the time jump, of whom kept her walking the earth after AJs death, reduced to ghost of his former self. The first person she ever fell in love with, gone. He was alive, but nothing more than that. She believed this fantasy as if it were real, because if she made even the slightest mistake, it would have been. This wasn’t one of her mind’s cruel tricks. It was a realisation. If she hadn’t taken that shot, her boyfriend would be burdened with a living nightmare until the day he died. All because of her.

All because of **_Lilly_**.

…

“Excuse me if I’m wrong, but is she your daughter? You guys don’t exactly look related, but the way you act so close with each other just has me wondering.”

“Nah. Nah… she ain’t mine. She’s uh…”

“Oh, she’s not adopted either?”

“We’re not related at all, actually. And no… she ain’t adopted; we only met her a few hours before you, if you can believe it.”

“Whoa, seriously? I never would’ve guessed.”

“Yeah… This kid’s had it the worst since it began, trust me. We’re gonna do our very best in takin’ care of her, I owe her everything. Say… You don’t know her, do you?”

“Never seen her before, sorry. Why?”

“…Don’t worry about it. Just wonderin’.”

…

“Hey, is it true what you said yesterday? About us all being infected?”

“Clem? Yoo-hoo, you awake?

“Um, Clementine?”

Her eyes burst open. After returning from the stream, she told them all about the infection and how unless the brain is destroyed, you come back no matter what. She then went straight to bed, offering no further explanations, but if Lilly wanted to know more, she’d be more than happy to lend a hand.

The corners of her mouth twitched to the beat of the marching band heading for war. She fell into a fit of giggles as she pushed away Kenny’s arm and sat up straight, looking Lilly dead in the eyes. “How about a demonstration, Lilly?”

“…Clementine?” She ignored Kenny’s worries. Her right hand slipped down her side and towards her back pocket.

“If you don’t believe me, then let’s find out. Together.”

She was no longer afraid. She’d seen everything. The darkness in Louis’ eyes spread into her own. Stepping through the door to his cage was the same as the door to madness. Her hand hovered over AJ’s gun. She should’ve done this a long time ago.

It all faded to grey. There was only Lilly. The cause for so much of Carley’s pain. Omar’s, Aasim’s, Mitch’s, Violet’s, Louis’s, AJ’s, and even her own. All of the names victim to the wrath of one evil bitch pulled the pin on her sanity’s grenade. Her mind was swarmed with the overwhelming desire to kill. All she could do was kill. It was past the point of no return. All she _wanted_ to do was kill. There was a raging inferno inside her head, and looking into the woman’s eyes struck the spreading flames into every fibre of her being. Lilly’s eyes, they weren’t grey yet. That needed to be fixed.

Her hand covered the handle of the gun, and the world around her became a screeching void. Time seemed to slow down. The ringing was deafening, but all she could hear was her son’s voice spurring her on. This is what he wanted, this is what _she_ wanted, and it was what the world was waiting for. The plan was about to change for good.

She stopped breathing. Her ears cowered in pain from the metallic screeching. They couldn’t go on. And despite being overcome by the deadly rage, in the second’s silence following her failing ears did she feel a strange sense of peace.

_“Do it, Clem!” _

One swift motion. The barrel sprung to life out of her pocket, aiming directly at the woman’s neck. It fired. Silent but deadly. She wouldn’t have it any other way. The only problem being she couldn’t hear the screams. It fired again. One for Carley, one for Omar, one for Aasim, one for Mitch, one for Violet, one for Louis, one for herself, and the last for AJ.

It was over… The screeching came to a stop. Time flowed as normal. With the click of a gun, she’d finally won.

_I did it, AJ… I did it…_

Not long after, there was a quiet, but caring voice to her left. “Clem… What are you doing?”

She faced Kenny, the man’s eyes flickering between her and the gun. He couldn’t hide the extreme worry shaping his face, and rightfully so. He shouldn’t have had to see that. No-one did, but there wasn’t any going back now. “I’m sorry, Kenny… But I had to do it. I had to. Please understand…”

Her mind was too clouded at the time to think of his perspective. To anyone else, she’d just murdered an unarmed woman in cold blood. It wasn’t the first time she’d done it… But what would Kenny think? Or Lee? The answer was quite simple, and she knew it all too well. She’d be a monster.

“What’re you… _Oh_. Oh shit…” She was expecting him to be screaming in shock, not showing a calm and composed display in the aftermath of a shooting. Maybe he really did understand? But as it were, she was the one who misunderstood the whole situation.

“Kenny? Mind telling me why she’s pretending to shoot me?” Her heart skipped a beat. No… At the end of her arm wasn’t AJs gun relishing in the glory of its own smoke, but instead nothing. Absolutely nothing, leaving her eyes to land on the space it should’ve been occupying. The space now taken up by Lilly, of whom took on a fierce scowl.

“Sorry, sorry, she’s just… She had a little panic attack earlier; I don’t think she’s doin’ too good right now…”

Of course… She was still disarmed and hadn’t the opportunity to recover the weapons Lee took from her. No matter. Her fingers were itching to get a hold of her throat anyway. Any of the relief she felt from her supposed death fell behind, with the rage taking the front seat of her mind again. She was furious with herself falling for such a hallucination, where the added layer of anger fuelled her desire to rip Lilly apart even more. Who cared if they thought she was a monster… it needed to happen for real this time. She couldn’t stop thinking about the downpour of blood spilling from Louis’ mouth. She would fucking kill the bitch where she sat. If a bullet wouldn’t do the trick, her nails would instead.

She sprung off the couch, but as soon as she did, a shroud of darkness encased her vision. _What the fuck?_

“Well! I think it’s time we set up those fish traps! Come on, Clementine.” Before she could react, her feet floated from the ground and she’d fallen into Kenny’s chest as he dragged her away from the scene.

“Kenny, what the hell are you doing?” She asked with spite, unable to free herself from his grasp. Making no progress, her hands scurried to clear her eyes. She found the source of the momentary blackout fast. Over his shoulders, Clementine held out Kenny’s trusty hat.

“I’m gettin’ you the fuck outta here. I don’t know what’s gotten into you today, but we really need to get you settled down.” He placed her down next to the box of makeshift traps, keeping a hold of her shoulders. He kneeled down in front of her, explaining, “We’re gonna go down to the stream for now, but soon I’ve gotta go out huntin’. When I get back from that I’ll come find you, okay?”

She didn’t respond, it was all happening too fast. Lilly was still back there, but here Kenny was trying to steer her away. Everything she’d tried today ended in failure; she didn’t know what road to take anymore.

Kenny wasn’t giving up on her. “Clem, listen. I saw the same fire in your eyes just then as when you were beatin’ the crap out of those walkers yesterday. You said this isn’t you, remember? So can I speak to the other Clementine?”

Yet again was Kenny giving his all to preserve the good in her. ‘The other Clementine’… She looked down at herself, and all she saw was the thing she’d promised not to become. The shards of her shattered heart were being rebuilt to sculpt a weapon, not a person. No amount of self-awareness helped; she couldn’t stop feeling the anger seething through her scars. Even now, she wanted nothing more than to take Kenny’s words in stride and be able to calm down for him, but it was so much harder than imagined.

Now she really was going crazy. Next to Kenny she could swear was a faint ghost of herself with the same outfit, same scars, same everything. The edges of its blue aura faded into the surrounding air, but it was clear enough to see a warm smile on its cold figure. With one hand on Kenny’s shoulder, it extended the other, inviting her to hold its hand. Kenny and Clem, together. That was the other Clementine. It was her without the car accident, or that morning walk at Ericson’s. The girl who kept smiling through thick and thin. Who people were scared of for her presence alone, not her mental instability. She knew it wasn’t real, but even so she wanted to leave this body behind and follow its footsteps, wherever they may lead. Any path was better than the one she walked. One where she didn’t trip at every step from a terrifying rage or spite for the world. It sounded all to good to be true… because it was.

She looked back and forth between the hand and its face. It was as welcoming as ever. Maybe it could take her back. The road could stretch out for miles, but if there was a chance the woman she’d lost inside was waiting at the end, then she’d try her very best to get there.

She held out her right hand as if to hold the transparent ghost’s, and her skin absorbed its blue light. There was nothing really holding onto her, but it felt real enough for Clementine to believe in it. She was desperate for any help, even if it came down to another fantasy. Tears were ready to fall as she pleaded to her imagination, “Please… Please help me.”

They locked eyes. Instead of receiving a confirmation, it provided a broader smile seemingly pleased with her decision, but only a second later, one quick blink and it vanished into thin air. It was gone, yet she could still feel its presence.

…Or so she thought. Her gaze dropped expecting to find her hand dangling in the air, and in place of the ghost found it holding onto Kenny’s.

“There she is,” grinned the fisherman. “Be honest with me, how are you feeling, Clementine?”

With the wide array of conflicting emotions fighting for dominance in her head, the only suitable response she could give was, “I… I don’t know…” She blinked rapidly trying to see the ghost again. She needed its guidance. That, or anything else it could offer. Its act of disappearing left her in a cloud of mystery, she didn’t know what message it was trying to convey or if her sanity was well and truly broken.

“Okay…” He took the hat from her free hand and held it up for her to see. “I’m gonna let you borrow this, okay? When you wear it, it’ll protect you from all of these bad thoughts you’re havin’. Think of it like I’m always bein’ there to help you. That hat means a lot to me, you know?” In her eyes she was being treated like a little kid, but at this point maybe it was exactly what she needed. She couldn’t find an ounce of strength to object. He probably knew better anyway… His hat’s protection was nice to think about, at least.

He wasn’t finished. His tone was especially gentle, as he continued, “Clementine, will you promise me that when this hat’s on your head, you won’t let this angry version of yourself take over? I really don’t wanna see you any more stressed.”

A gift from her ‘ball cap buddy. She was able to muster a weak smile as her eyes stared endlessly into the white design. It was easier said than done, but maybe this is what the ghost was leading to. In an angry body, but not an angry state of mind. That was setting herself quite a challenge, but she couldn’t say no to all the support he was giving. She’d give it her best shot, for herself, and him. “Yeah… I promise. I’ll try really hard…”

Kenny was visibly pleased with her response. “That’s the spirit, darlin’. Now…” He took the hat and placed it firmly over her hair. “This’ll keep you safe, okay? You ready to head down to the stream?”

Funnily enough, this was the first she’d ever worn his hat. The sensation was uplifting on its own, similar to that of how she felt when her dad let her borrow the hat she’d spent the last eight years wearing. First her real dad, then with the best second chance of a father she could ask for. The parallel revitalised her lips into the sincere display shown by the ghost’s. Now there was only one problem keeping them at the motel. “Kenny, I still don’t have any weapons.”

“Right… Wait here, I’ll go grab ‘em. Pretty sure Lee knows where they are. It was a screwdriver and pistol, right?” He inquired.

“That’s right. Oh, and Kenny, if you’re talking to Lee, could you tell him something for me?”

“Sure, what is it?”

She wasn’t sure whether to thank or scold him for it, but regardless of what might’ve happened to Lilly, she needed to make one thing very clear. “Never disarm me ever again.”

***

The traps were set, and now all she could do was wait for him to come back from hunting. For hours she’d lay in her bed, clutching the gifted hat closely to her chest. She prayed it would work, that it could mend her broken heart all by itself with enough time. Time was all she had, and she spent every other minute looking to see if he was at the door. Her checks became far more frequent in his prolonged absence. And in the small breaks she wasn’t wishing Kenny would burst into her room, thinking about her latest stunt with Lilly sufficed in the meantime.

If it weren’t for Lee’s indirect interference, Lilly would be dead. Ever since AJs death she’d been on Clementine’s hitlist, but now along with her plan was she starting to see the consequences of carrying out the deed. She needed her alive to set up the same scenario at Ericson’s, but she also couldn’t kill her without losing the trust of her closest companions. Aside from eradicating a source of her rage and fulfilling a sense of vengeance, there was nothing to gain from it. The trust of her loved ones fetched a far higher price than the bounty of a single woman. Lilly’s survival seemed the smart way to go, but it seemed impossible to ignore her instincts. On paper, everything was telling her to keep the raider alive. In her broken heart, everything was telling her to avenge her son. And in reality, she was caught in a crossfire without a clear winner.

She clambered from the bed, entering the bathroom as she returned Kenny’s hat to her head. The mirror told a tale Clementine already knew. Her eyes were focused solely on the top of her head. The only way there could ever be a hope of doing the right thing - whatever it may be - was praying for their help. Scratch that, she was _relying_ on their help. The trust she placed in herself was far too low not to.

“Fuck…” Before being able to see her reflection, she never realised how much the stress was contaminating her expression. One of the many answers to her nonstop fatigue lay apparent in the glass. Pale as a walker, a pair bloodshot eyes, bags upon bags taking shelter under her eyes by the day. There wasn’t any need for Louis’ bloody display anymore, she felt sick just looking at herself.

She brought a hand to the side of the hat. “If you really are here, Kenny… I need your help. Can you help me? You always know what to do, you always say what you need to say… Guide me through this, please…” Clementine thought out loud as she held his hat to her chest by arms crossed to her shoulders. She pressed her forehead against its crown, signing off her pleas with the affection she had for him. “I love you…”

Now for what she actually thought about the hat and how it looked on her. She liked it. A lot. It went well with her denim jacket.

A door clunked open in the other room. “Clem? Clem, you in here?” He was back! She propped the hat back in its rightful place and joined him by the bed. “Ah, there you are. I was just gonna call the others to see where you’d gone. That hat looks pretty good on you, you some kind of natural for pulling them off, or- Woah!” She ran forward to trap him in a hug. Her guidance. Her guardian. Her second father. “Aw, it’s alright, Clementine… Were you okay while I was gone?”

“I couldn’t sleep, so I just waited for you to get back,” she innocently revealed, revelling in the warmth of his company. It was warmer than any bed could ever be.

“Clem, we musta been gone at least an hour, maybe even two…” She let her loving smile speak for itself. Everything he was doing meant so much to her, and she wanted him to see that. “Well, I’m sorry I took so long. Good news is, we managed to snag ourselves a deer for dinner. The fire’s already set and it’ll be ready before you know it.”

“Good, good…” Despite their success, her priorities lay in other areas. If it was up to her, they’d never be allowed out of her sight, especially outside the motor inn’s walls. “You didn’t get hurt at all, did you? Trip over a rock… Cut yourself on a branch…” Paranoia about his safety outside of her protection was getting to her as she continued listing off various injuries, making quick work to scan his exposed skin for any minor cuts or bruises.

“Clem, I’m all right! I’m all right,” he assured. “I ain’t got a scratch. Besides, I think we need to worry about you a lot more than me.”

She already knew what he was referring to. “Because I went crazy over Lilly again?”

“Yeah… and what happened before breakfast.” He wasn’t hesitant to admit her rage-induced behaviour anymore. Guess he was getting used to that as well. “You’ve had a real rough day, so let’s make sure we can at least end it on a high note.” Pulling away from the hug, he put his hands by his hips, asking, “So, what do you do to relax?”

“Um… Relax?”

“Well, yeah. I don’t know what you normally get up to, so I thought I’d make sure you can do whatever you want without anyone stirring up trouble. You know, get your mind off the rest of the day.”

“Oh... Thanks, let’s see… _Relax_…. Um…” She really had to think for this one.

_That’s a great question. What do I do to relax? Storytime with AJ… No… Listen to Louis’ songs… No…_ Anything she could think of all came back to Ericson’s, and the people she’d lost there. There had to be something else. _Check over our ammunition count? No, that’s not how you relax… Check the car for damages… the gas, engine oil, the tyres, brake pads… I… haven’t had to think about that in a long time. And it’s not how you relax at all, either. Um… I could read, but there’s only a Bible in my drawer… And I’m sure as hell not reading that right now. Uhhh…_

“Okay… I can see you’re havin’ some trouble with this. And to be honest… that doesn’t surprise me,” she heard him say under his breath amid her spiral of former daily tasks. “Look, if you’ve thought of nothing, then why don’t we just do, well, nothing?” He was definitely getting accustomed to her… _uniqueness_. Shrugging, he suggested, “I can just spend some time with you, if that’s what you want. Unless of course you _do_ have something in mind.”

Doing nothing with Kenny. That sounded all too enjoyable. In fact, she already knew how enjoyable it could be. Thanks to that, it turned out she did have something in mind after all. “You said you guys started a fire, right?”

“Yup. Got the meat cookin’ now.”

“And… who’s on watch?”

Kenny briefly stuck his head back out the door. “Lee is. Looks like he volunteered for the evenin’.”

She stole a hand from his hips and lead him outside. “Perfect.”

Why live in a dream when you can make it reality? If not for the location, she’d be right back at the power station. Without Kenny’s old coat to act as a blanket, her own would have to do. It draped over her upper body, combining with the pleasant warmth of the fire to give rest to her jittery nerves. She took a deep breath, letting her worries get swept away in the gentle breeze. This is exactly what she needed. And who other to thank for it than the person whose lap became her pillow, as she rolled on her side to bask in the crackling flames.

As with most things, this wasn’t at all what Kenny was expecting, but he was more than happy to go with the flow. “So this what goes on in the mind of Clementine at night, is it?”

“Yeah,” she chuckled, pulling the jacket closer around her neck. “I already told Lee about it. You might as well know too. You’re okay with me doing this, right? This, and the dreams.”

“I really don’t mind, don’t worry. I’m more amazed you can keep havin’ ‘em than anythin’. I’m lucky if I can remember 5 seconds of mine… So, what, you control everything? How d’you do it?” He asked out of genuine curiosity.

They started just before reaching Wellington and have been getting progressively more immersive ever since; getting the perfect dream felt like practise at this point. That’s all she really knew. “Dunno. I just… do. When it’s not a nightmare, I can pretty much control everything. The people, the place, all of it.”

She took a look over her shoulder, worried if monologuing about her imagination would be boring for him. Just like Lee, Kenny wasn’t about to miss an opportunity to learn something about her. He nodded for her to continue. “I can feel all my senses perfectly too. It’s trying to sharpen the finer details and making them last longer I’m having trouble with at the moment. Or aiming for, I guess.”

Kenny seemed more interested than initially believed. “Well, how long do they usually last? A couple minutes?”

Her eyes gazed upon the stars hiding behind a dimming lilac sky. Compared to daily life, dreams had something so magical about them. If she wanted to, she could do anything, anywhere, and not have a care in the world. But one area that always seemed so familiar were the beautiful skies. If it was on the train, at the power station, or even Ericson’s, staring off into a sea of stars could always send her floating down a stream of endless deep sleep. Her voice harmonised with the gentle crackling of firewood, with her mind becoming lost amongst the clouds. “I don’t really go looking at the clock, but I’ve had a couple the past few months which have been pretty long… I’ve been trying to make them more consistent. If I were to guess, I’d say they were around… an hour? At most? Yeah, probably around that.”

“How the fuck…” Surprise was written all over his face. She wanted to laugh, but… she couldn’t. From her perspective, it was just another thing separating her from the crowd. Maybe it happened because of her trauma. Maybe not. In the end, what did it matter? She would always be the outlier of the group. Different from the ones she held close. As far as she knew, she could never get her baby boy back again, she’d abandoned all of her friends at Ericson’s, and despite all the love and care shown towards her, she didn’t fit in with her old group. Not anymore.

She rolled onto her back; her vision fully submerged in the starry night. “I’ve had a… a long time to practise. When dreams are the only form of escape you have, I… guess you kinda just learn to have them.” She thought back to months of solitude spent wandering the earth with no destination. Of how she’d wake up every morning without her son’s laughter, or the cheerful greetings of a man finally at peace. Silence upon silence, with the only sounds being the growls of her stomach and the walkers forcing her further and further away from the people she’d lost. A flowing wind brushed a single tear down her cheek. “Especially when they’re the only times you get to talk to someone…”

“Clem…” She looked over to see Kenny terribly concerned for her. Cruel as it may be, she wanted him to understand what she was going through. To be able to say what she truly felt, without being trapped beneath pages of information no-one else could know about. The plan on her table said it all. She was an outsider. Always a step ahead, and never in-line with the rest. But if it meant saving the others, then she’d be an outsider for the rest of her life if need be. She would do it for them, but never really with them.

She returned her gaze back to the sky, knowing she was forced to hide her feelings as usual. “You know, having these types of dreams is nice and all… but it makes the nightmares worse than you can ever imagine. To be honest… they’re fucking terrifying.”

“I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you scared of somethin’…” Kenny commented, much to Clem’s disagreement. She was scared of herself, scared of being left behind. She’d even cried over his shirt about it.

Keeping it to herself, she explained, “Imagine the worst nightmare you’ve ever had in your life. Then, imagine you’re conscious of it being a nightmare, and having no control over anything.” She repeated, “Imagine the worst nightmare you’ve ever had in your life, with all 5 of your working senses, being dragged out for an hour. An hour full of the worst thing that’s ever happened to you, and being totally unable to wake up.” A ring of darkness encircled her vision as her eyes fought to stay open. She turned towards Kenny, with the emotion drained dry from her voice. “Sound fun?”

The brief silence meant she’d got the point across. His brown eyes weren’t corrupted by the same scars anymore, but from his adrift expression could she tell he didn’t need a life of survival to be without some form of trauma. “No… No it doesn’t…” He said under his breath, before refocusing his attention back to the girl using his right leg as a pillow. “I’m sorry Clementine, I was supposed to be helpin’ you wind down. I can’t imagine you’re very relaxed after thinkin’ of all this.”

She wiped away the trail of the lone tear, a melancholic smile forming in the shadow of her arm. “…Is it bad I’m perfectly relaxed as it is? I normally only go on rants like these when I’m tired, so that-” a heavy yawn was all the confirmation Kenny needed to know she was undoubtedly stress-free, “…must be a good sign. But then again… I’m always tired lately, so…” she trailed off, unsure of what to make of her damaged body. It felt like she’d never be fully awake ever again.

“I just thought talkin’ ‘bout more… _upliftin’_ things woulda done you some good.”

“We can talk about happier things if you want… but I don’t have as many topics,” she stated, having to suppress a hollow laugh. There was nothing funny about it at all, but that’s what made it so funny. It was true. As if all she had were bad memories, and the good only made her long for the forgotten. She couldn’t ever look back on all those happy memories spent raising AJ and not be led into guilt or helplessly begging for him to return.

With AJ in mind, she had a question. “Kenny, tell me this. If I’d actually shot Lilly earlier… what would you do?” She asked while looking at him with all the innocence of a child, but the presence of a seasoned murderer.

“Oh…” His eyes drifted around the motel, possibly to wherever Lilly currently was, not that Clementine wanted to know. “I… I don’t know. I’ve never seen anythin’ like that before. I just… I can’t stop thinkin’ about what she did to you, ‘cus it seems a helluva lot worse than I first thought. I don’t know… I’d…” He came to no judgement. He couldn’t, not unless it happened. And she was certain she hadn’t gained enough of his trust so that he’d stand by her after something like that.

She was a risk to his family. If it weren’t for Lee disarming her, she would’ve let herself be consumed by rage for one moment and let it ruin the rest of her life. There’s no way any of them would honestly believe she was safe to live. She’d probably be kicked out of the group. Permanently. And left to hopelessly wander the earth once again. Holy fuck. She never thought about it that way. If Lee hadn’t indirectly bailed her out, that would be it. Game Over. She got lucky back there.

**_Real_** lucky.

“It’s not really what she did to me, but what she did to the others… To _him_. Kenny, listen to me. I want you to know that if I had a gun back there, I would’ve killed her. And I didn’t even hesitate.”

“Okay…” He was wide-eyed, wondering where she was going with this.

“I want you to know that because that’s the type of shit I’m capable of. It’s going to keep happening, and I’m fucking terrified of it… Do you hear me? I am fucking. Terrified. I’m gonna lose my shit one of these days, and it’ll all be over… I’ll hurt one of you, or everyone will hate me and kick me out…”

“Clem-”

“Please, I…” She was a slave to stress; her efforts to relax could come undone as fast as new problems would arise. “I really need your help… I Just wanna go back, back to when I wasn’t sick, or angry, or dangerous… All I do is get in the way of the things I’m trying to solve, and if it ever led to hurting you guys-”

“Clementine, stop!” Kenny flicked the cap’s visor down over her face again. Encased in its shadow, the sudden darkness ceased her rant’s activity as Kenny went on one of his own. “Man are you easy to get worked-up… Clementine, just take a deep breath. Slow down. Remember what we’re trying to do. Worryin’ about what’s already happened ain’t gonna help you get better here. Let’s just try and calm down for a second, okay?”

With her pitch-black view under the hat blocking out any and all distractions from the motel, Kenny’s words brought her back to her senses just in time. “You’re… you’re right. Sorry, y-you’re right…” She admitted and began following his instructions. Basic, but effective. Her tried and trusted breathing technique almost always worked, and here was another sign of its success.

She used the layer of darkness to her advantage. No outside stimulates invited her desire for sleep to do as it pleased. The contrasting cold of the air passing through her body gave competition for the fire; she released a breath holding all her worries away into the sky, allowing for the pleasant warmth on her left to soak through the jacket, wrapping her in a cocoon of soothing heat. Without the dreary sight of the motor inn, she was right back at the power station. A place of no threats, no uncertainties, just the alluring crackling off firewood and a man held so close to her heart. The peace offered in one world was absorbed by another, and every eventual rise and fall of her chest sent her closer to unconsciousness. Under the jacket, she placed her hands over her stomach and accidentally or not, found herself falling asleep.

Now this… this was how to relax.

…Except when Kenny was in the habit of waking her up, anyway.

“So… are you good now?”

“…Huh?” She groaned, lifting her ‘ball cap mask to land her weary eyes on its owner. “Wha… What d’you say?” Fatigue had settled in for the night.

Kenny gave an apologetic look, asking her, “Oh, were you sleepin’ under there? Sorry, Clem, I thought you were takin’ your time calming down for a few minutes.” She didn’t really mind. It was an honest mistake. Nothing wrong with that. She stared back in silence; her eyes being drawn to the space usually occupied by his hat. His hair was so much darker than she remembered… He’d lost almost all its colour by their final days together but here there wasn’t even a speck of grey to be found. Would that mean his beard would be the same too?

Before she had more time to daydream about how he might look, her dreamy display gave Kenny another reason to be worried. “Fuck me, you really are tired all the time, aren’t cha?” He muttered under his breath. “Clem, if you were sleepin’ away just then, just check you’re not havin’ another nosebleed. I can’t really see from up here. And you seem to get a lot’a those, so…”

“I didn’t used to get them…” They were another problem she could only assume were because of using that broken time box of Louis’. And like with the rest of her sickness, the time it would take to recover the damage was anyone’s guess, if she could get better at all. Her jacket’s collar showed only the shine of its blue against the light of the fire as it tested her broken body for blood. She was in the clear. For now. “I’m fine.”

“That’s good…” he assured. Clementine’s head leaned back onto her pillow, and the starry night was slowly becoming lost behind her falling eyes ready to send her into sleep the second they closed. Noticing this for himself, Kenny tried to delay the inevitable so to clear his mind of the many doubts surrounding her. “Just stay with me a little longer, Clem. Can I just say a couple things? Please?”

She froze her barely open eyes just before they could shut up shop for the night. They protested having to work a little longer, but if there was anyone deserving of her time right now, it was him. “Sure…”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Ok, thanks…” Kenny sounded more surprised than anything, but didn’t waste another moment in keeping her attention away from her dreams. “First of all, I just wanted you to know we’re gonna do everything we can to keep you on the right track, Clementine. We’ll work on, you know… “keepin’ your shit together” so you don’t have to worry about hurtin’ no-one, okay?”

She turned to face him, putting on the purest smile she could. That ghost led her into his guidance, and she couldn’t put into words what it meant to her. He looked like a father taking care of his daughter. No-one had ever helped her like this since, well, himself all those years ago.

He gently stroked the back of her new hat. “And remember, ‘ball cap buddies gotta help each other out. As long as this is on your head, you got nothin’ to worry about darlin’. It’ll keep that angry Clementine pal of yours at bay.” He couldn’t have appeared more confident about his hat strategy. “And that’s a ‘ball cap buddy guarantee.”

It was stupid, it didn’t make any logical sense, but she absolutely loved it. His hat was a part of him, as was her own; it really felt like he was always there looking out for her and could – hopefully – protect her mind from becoming one with its rage again. Fuck knows if it would actually work, but there was at least something for her to hope in now.

She dropped the jacket to her legs and sat up straight. “Lean forward,” the tired teen yawned. Her arms lazily draped around his neck, pulling her head into his left shoulder. “Thank you. Thank you…”

“There there, darlin’.” A hand patted the back of her head. She could’ve slept right here, right now. After a short while, Kenny seemed to pick up one this and ushered her back to her previous spot. “Come on, let’s get you back down.” As she returned her head to the makeshift pillow on the ground, she lay with her gaze fixed on his dark eyes where she thanked him one more time. Following a very brief laugh, he took on his classic prideful grin. “You really like your hugs, don’t you?”

She looked back up to the stars shining brighter than ever before. “Let me tell you something, Kenny. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone, but you don’t know what you truly love until it’s back.” The plan may have gone horribly wrong, but she was savouring every last second spent with her old allies. Their acts of kindness, the hugs they shared, it all meant so much more. If it weren’t for the agonising cost of losing her child, she would’ve called it a miracle.

He was there in the moonlit sky, looking down on her. The stars in each his eyes watched from above at a world born on the creation of the boy’s demise. All she could see were tiny dots of light aligning to create a portrait of her little goofball. The afro, the cheerful grin, everything. “AJ…” she whispered to herself, “If you can hear this, I’m so sorry. We tried to bring you back, we really tried… I don’t know if I’ll ever get to see your face again, but I’m going to make the best of this. I… really am.” She fought to suppress the tears; the brunette didn’t want to break-down in front of the boy she was meant to protect. “I just want to hear your voice… one more time. To encourage me, like you always did. What would you say, AJ…? Maybe… that I can’t give up. And keep moving forward, remember? You know, like we did after the bridge. I think that’s something you’d tell me…”

…

_He’s really gone, isn’t he?_

“Hey, Clementine?” Kenny called, with still more on his mind.

She rolled onto her side, breaking from the imaginative constellation and instead returning her gaze back to the fire, letting out an unenthusiastic, “Yeah?”

“Um… I just wanted to check that you’re deadest on searchin’ Warner Robins with us tomorrow mornin’. You sure you don’t wanna sit this one out and get some rest?”

Not like she had anything better to do. And she needed to protect them. “Yes.”

“Okay…” He breathed with a sense of disappointment. At least he didn’t match her stubbornness. All she wanted to do was sleep. AJ’s death drained her off what remnants of energy Kenny dug out from deep within her tired state, and a lengthy sigh escaped her lips.

Kenny observed the sudden drop in spirit and aimed to fulfil his goal of sending her to bed on a high note. As her eyes fell into the depths of the fire, she heard him ask from behind, “So, uh… This boyfriend of yours… Louis, was it? What’s he like? You haven’t told me about him.”

“Louis…” If there was one guy that could always cheer her up, it was him. She dawned a faint smile, staring into the fire as if it were a movie reel showing all the memories they created in her short stay at the school. “He’s the best… _Dashing_ good looks, a terrible sense of humour… His jokes are usually always poorly timed and only he could ever think of them, but they always make me laugh. Always. No matter how bad they are. Because I know he’s trying to make me happy.” Just as he was now, without him even being here.

Kenny was in approval. “Well then I’d like to meet him someday. Sounds like a real keeper.”

“Yeah…” She giggled to herself. “It was pure luck I met him. And I’ve never met anyone like him before in all my travels… When everyone’s looking down, he holds his head up high. …Then he’ll probably crack one of his crappy jokes. Soon everyone’s looking at him, and he’ll step aside and remind us of why we should keep looking forward. He wants to enjoy the present, and make sure we can all enjoy the future too. If he hadn’t done the thing’s he did for me, the things he sacrificed…” She thought back to sitting in her room all alone the night it happened. The worst moment she’d ever felt in her life, and how Louis hadn’t seen it once, but fifteen times. If she were in the forest alone, holding a gun to AJ’s head without Louis there to shoulder the pain… “I wouldn’t be alive.”

“Oh my God, Clem… I’m so sorry to hear that, I didn’t know you…” He trailed off, unable to find his next words. Clementine finally understood why Katjaa did _that_. If it weren’t for the perseverance of one of Ericson’s finest, history could’ve very easily repeated itself.

“I’ll be in debt to him for the rest of my life. A debt I’ll happily pay, but you know what? He probably won’t even want it. He might even pay me back instead by writing a song for me, or something… In fact, knowing him that’s exactly what he’s doing right now.”

He’d already written her a song, and it goes by “Clementine.” Not the most original, but did it ever mean the world to her having one of his creations dedicated entirely in her name. By the time she got back, he may have a whole album ready.

Meeting each other was one of the fondest memories Clementine cherished of him. She wanted to wander through the halls of the school again, hearing the slightly out of tune piano ring around the walls the closer she got to the music room. And there he’d be there with his hands gliding across the keys, singing his heart out right before they rushed into each other’s arms. “I… really want to see him again.”

“I’m sure you do...” She could barely hear Kenny over the crackling firewood and pleasant rustling of the forest surrounding the motel.

…

“I wonder how he’s doing…”

***

**Ericson’s Boarding School For Troubled Youth. Day: [Redacted]. Month: [Redacted]. Year: 2003.**

…Did it work?

They’re all around me. Everywhere. Can y’here them? I don’t want to hear them. I don’t wanna hear it. Not again.

_Ring-a-round the rosie,_

They’re laughing. Laughing at me. Through the walls. In the halls. Are they laughing at me? Can y’here it now?

_A pocket full of posies,_

That’s not laughing. That’s crying. J-J-Just don’t turn around little dude. Just don’t turn around…

I… I can’t breathe. Just do it. Just do it already… DO IT!

_Ashes! Ashes!_

I’m sorry. I’msosorry I’msosorry I’msosorry… Clem… Please… I want to go back. I wanna go back.

I. Fucked. Up.

_We All Fall Down._

**Continue? (X)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Lee's voice) Next time on The Walking Dead... Player Two
> 
> Are you guys alright with how long these are getting? I like to think of it more like content than word count, because if you're going to wait like a month for one of these I like to think you'd want a decent read out of them. It just seems like with the way I'm writing they'll just keep getting longer, so if you have any troubles with that let me know.
> 
> Neverminding all that, let's take a little peak into life at Ericson's, shall we?


	14. Among Your Sorrow's Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at the school, Louis is forced to live the consequences of his mistakes. It's not himself he's worried about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta be honest, I struggled writing this. Luckily for me, inspiration just fell out of the sky one day so most of this was written in the last three days. Well, it's finally Louis' time to shine, and it didn't take me a full month to get this out. Feeling pretty good about this one, hope you enjoy. 
> 
> (It might be worth having a quick glance over the very end of the shitshow that was Chapter #2 AKA where we last saw our main man to see where we're starting from here)

~~

Wait, was that a bed? It could be one from the Ericson bedrooms. This was the best chance she was going to get. “Louis! Aim for a bed! I’ll see you on the other side!”

~~

“Oh fuck…”

There wasn’t a bed. There wasn’t anything remotely close to a bed. The burden of searching a distortion of layered locations and memories fell on the eye scouring through his share of the small metal box. Sweat trickled down his forehead. To the left, the school’s hallways of which bled into the fishing hut on the right. Up was the abandoned gymnasium, falling into the restored greenhouse below it. The images would cycle, disappear and reappear like he’d never seen. Each one was contained to their own little black border on his first few ventures, though he could never make out what looked like text above and below them. It used to be like looking through an old photo album. This, however, was a clusterfuck.

All the previous times had been easy. Take a quick look, see a recent event, concentrate on making it real. Viola. So far throughout his fourteen attempts, Louis kept a clean sheet from any problems the crazy dude’s box might’ve caused. Not any longer.

The school’s halls looked cleaner. His friends kept getting younger. Images cycled in and out of the shadows before he could get a good look at them. It was going horribly wrong. He knew it. Louis moved a hand towards the box, he could feel sweat pouring onto the cold metal before even making contact with it. His grip was unsteady, and the distortion became all the more hazy.

“C-Clem…? I d-don’t see a bed anywhere…”

No response. He could still feel her shoulder and hair fall lifelessly against his own. She’d gone for it already. That left him all alone to deal with another of his fuckups. Messing up was the _one_ thing he didn’t want to do, and now he had no idea how to proceed. The plan was relying on him now. If he screwed this up… that would be it. What would happen to the most amazing girl he’s ever met in his life was an uncertainty his stomach couldn’t handle. 

Louis sat there for what must have felt like hours. In his desperation not to mess up, it very well could have been the case. “A bed… Anywhere… C-Come on…” The longer he waited, the more one felt less likely to appear. He kept asking himself what it would do to Clementine. Any permanent damage dealt to her would be his fault. Or worse, what she might do to herself. All because she got mixed up in his improvised plan.

“Just… Come on!” He clenched a fist, slamming it against the top of the box. “Work! Just fucking work already!” Desperation was the cause for change. Through the dire situation emerged a glimmer of hope as the device took the brunt of the punch, causing an earthquake in the haze as new objects and locations filtered into his vision from out of the blue. “Y-Yes! Alright… A bed, a bed, a bed…”

Finding one right there and then would’ve been too easy. He would’ve given anything to put his growing worries about the girl a step ahead of him to rest. No such luck. None at all. It occurred to him that he’d never seen or been to any of these images before. The people, the places. They were all new to him.

“A city… N-No…” He narrated whatever his eye landed on between each unstable breath. “A giant wall in the snow, no… Come on… There’s _so_ much snow. Fuck, there’s snow everywhere… but no beds. Great! Still no beds. Come on Louis, look harder!” The metal nearly caved in from how hard he pressed his head against the box. “A farm, no! Forests, no! There’s no beds in any of these! How the hell is a power station supposed to help me?”

And then he saw it. “Yes! Okay, okay I can do this.” A bed. Finally. He’d never seen it before. It was surrounded by pink walls, and he could just about make out a treehouse through a nearby window. That was the best he was going to get. Every part of his fuckup instincts screamed danger, but if it was the only way to minimise the amount of spikes he was setting up for Clementine and himself to tread on in the near future, then he would have to take it.

Taking a deep breath, he placed both hands on the box and held on tight. Bile was rising in his throat before he could fully immerse himself in the chosen image. This wasn’t going to be fun. He felt nauseous using the busted device before, but never _this_ bad. “Oh well, here goes… I’ll see you on the other side, Clem…”

***

A door to the music room closed behind him. “Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.” The world was spinning. The double wooden doors acted as a barrier between himself and the foul stench marking a trail of splatters following his stomach’s fiery creation. It was all wrong. Very wrong.

The pair of acoustic guitars Mitch once smashed over walker’s skulls were sitting on their old rack. A tambourine used as a makeshift skipping stone – and subsequently lost to the river – lay on a table, including various other handheld instruments. The piles upon piles of books were neatly assorted into the shelves. Walls were clean. Windows weren’t cracked. It looked like a music room from an actual school again. And that was fucking terrifying. It was the dead of the night, but he didn’t need a light to shine on the monumental fuckup he’d just pieced together.

“We broke those guitars days after ‘it’ happened… Then that means…” A hand acted as a shield for his mouth as he clambered forward towards one of the many drinking fountains in the hallway. With the contents of his gut flowing out of his system, so did his strength. He slumped over a button, and his biggest fears were confirmed to be true. Louis had never been so scared to see clean running water. Returning to perhaps before he and Clementine met was the worst he could think of, but this was beyond reason. He’d committed a failure beyond his wildest dreams. “Holy fuck… you’ve really done it this time, Louis… You’ve _really_ done it this time…”

Then came the other problems. Clementine was nowhere to be found. If she didn’t appear sat next to him in the music room, then she wouldn’t be here at all. Not this far back. Unless by some miraculous luck she’d returned to one of the school’s dorms, Louis believed he’d just sent his girlfriend out into the wild with only a single leg and no-one to help.

Secondly, thanks to his tight grip of it, the busted box of metal came all the way back too. That shouldn’t have happened. He shouldn’t have even woken up in the music room. A bed the piano bench most certainly was not. The aspiring musician didn’t know if he was supposed to be in the same body either. Because if he wasn’t… then according to the crazy dude’s notes he’d have to kill a younger version of himself lying somewhere in this school. Not only that, but he’d agreed to it. With Clementine. Meaning she’d have to do the same, wherever she may be.

A crossbow arrow to Dorian’s head marked the first life he’d ever taken. A delta soldier. _That_ was accidental, but this was a life he’d have to intentionally take. A life belonging to an innocent child, not of someone in the business of stealing them.

He stared down endlessly into the fountain. “What the fuck have I done? No no no no this is bad… Clem’s out there defenceless… And now I’m gonna have to-”

The corner of his eye came under fire from a flashlight’s blinding beams piercing through the darkened hallway. Louis jolted round to its source upon hearing a voice he never thought he’d hear again. It was spoken with great dignity. “Who goes there?”

Footsteps crept in his direction. The tall shadow of a figure soon came into sight through every louder echo disappearing down the hall. Louis looked up with his heart in his mouth. Those glasses, the formal attire, the short blonde hair and moustache, anyone who attended the school for a day would recognise them from a mile away. “M-Mr Ericson?”

The old headmaster, who bailed along with the rest of the staff when the world went to shit, stood before him, briefcase in hand. He seemed to be in a hurry, and Louis knew exactly why.

A draft whistled against the nearby windows. Louis couldn’t find the strength to be mad; they stared at each other in silence as the older man tried to identify him. “I do not recognise you…” he stated, glancing back between the briefcase and the boy hunched over the drinking fountain. “Listen son, I don’t know how you got onto the premises, but it is not safe here. I have received reports of a catastrophic outbreak sweeping the nation at unprecedented speed. You need to get out of he-”

Louis’ mouth moved on its own. His friends were all going to be abandoned again. With an opportunity to get answers for years of betrayal, he snapped back, “Wai-Wai-Wait… You’re just gonna leave everyone? All the kids here are scared. They don’t know what to do. They’re all supposed to be under _your_ protection, and you’re gonna leave them to rot?”

Louis wanted a reaction out of him. Something to show off the evil the surviving students had believed the adults to be. He was ready for a war of words; over thirty of his classmate’s deaths could be pinned on this single act of cowardice, and he wanted to give their screams of agony a voice. But such a reaction he did not get. Instead, the older man sighed, the regret in his eyes shining in the flashlight’s rays.

“…Yes. I wish it did not have to come to this, but I have to leave. The world is being thrown into chaos, son. Like we’ve never seen before.” Louis knew what it meant to be a coward - the teacher’s words meant nothing. Clementine taught him the importance of stepping up, and the difference a single person can make for the good of those around you.

Before her teachings could cut through Ericson’s words, Louis noticed he wasn’t finished. “My wife and daughter are out there, caught up in everything beyond the safety of these walls. I have to find them. I do not want to leave the children to suffer… but I must do what is best for my family. I hope you understand.”

“Wha- I…” He was at a loss for words. Everything he’d hated the man for lost its punch. That was another of Clementine’s teachings: family. Ever since she arrived, the word had new meaning. Look what he was doing all for her and AJ’s sake. For the first time since the dead started walking, Louis felt like part of a normal, loving family again. Maybe even like a father to the goofy little brat. He’d do anything to get it back, and that’s exactly what he’d set out to do. Was it all that different to what Ericson was doing?

There was no way the adults could be forgiven so easily but at least one of them had some form of reason, even if it still meant all his classmates would bear the consequences. “I… I understand.”

“Thank you. Now…” He took a look over his shoulder towards the building’s main entrance. “I have relieved the staff off their duties, it is my belief most have already left. I myself will be heading north to my wife’s current workplace up in Lorain County, I can offer you transportation if you are planning to follow a similar path.”

Louis cautiously shook his head, eyes trained to the drinking fountain. He didn’t know what to do. AJ would still be gone, and that left Clementine in the unknown, now homed to somewhere inside the stories she scarcely shared. Stories taking place far, far away from here. Throwing a dart on a random destination blindfolded would probably bring him closer to finder her than how far his knowledge could carry him. He had no choice but to stay put. Besides, there was something he needed to take care of before anything else, as much as it terrified him.

“Uh… No, no, I… I came here to find someone. His name’s…. Louis.”

“Louis?” Light momentarily favoured the ceiling as Ericson scratched his chin. “Now that you mention it, there is a striking resemblance between the two of you. Ah, I see. Is he your younger brother? Shortly I will be taking my leave, but I can summon him first if you do so wish.”

This was really happening. Chairles lay dormant under his jacket’s protection. That was all he had, and he’d promised to go through with it. Today just couldn’t get any better, could it? The regular visitor that was bile soared to the back of his throat at the thought of his current task. Doing his best to hold it back, Louis responded in a low, monotone voice, “Yes. That would be… great, thanks.”

With a nod, he confirmed, “Ok, please wait by the entrance. He will be sleeping in the dorms as of right now, so I may be a minute or two. Listen son…” In all of Louis’ time studying at the school, he’d never heard his former headmaster take on such a serious tone of voice, even amongst their troubled behaviour. “If you have any close relations… parents, siblings, girlfriend, anything… I would advise that you find them as soon as possible. You must take care of each other. We are facing a threat far beyond national emergency. Take your brother to a safe place and keep your head down.” He turned around, the words, “God help us all,” floating down the hall alongside the light as he left for the dormitories.

It wasn’t long before the engine of a car roared outside. Ericson was gone for good again. Louis found it hard to breathe. Not from his leaving protectors, nor the world still spinning around him, but the click of a door opening. A child had just walked into a death trap, and he was the one forced to set it up. He couldn’t kill a kid. There was no way…

“Uh… Who are you? Come on man, it’s almost midnight. You couldn’t have waited ‘til morning?”

That was him alright. Him, as in, _him_. What the fuck. Louis turned to greet the boy whose feet were rooted in his faded shadow. A boy all too familiar, and one that would soon meet the blunt end of a spiked chair leg. All because he fucked up.

Now he needed a name to use. Great. Just great. Using his classmates wasn’t an option. He wracked his brain for anything to get this over with quicker. Clementine talked about some guys before. There. That’ll do.

“H-hey… I’m… I’m Lee.”

The self-proclaimed comedian was void of any jokes. His comfort zone was a thing of the past. It was time to fulfil his side of the deal.

***

The fishing hut wasn’t always this far away. There was no way he could do it at the school, everyone would know. He’d need a place to hide the blood, and then the body. The river was the only place he could think of, and so the two marched on. One towards their death, one towards a despairing future.

Louis avoided all of his younger self’s questions as best he could. The guilt was crippling, and the deed hadn’t even been done. No, his old pet turtle Geoff was not going to help. Nor was his grandma’s old phone number. The dumbest shit running through his mind was the only distraction away from the harsh reality dead ahead. How the hell was he going to kill a kid? He just kept walking. Planning wasn’t his specialty. As with his usual method for handling things, he’d just have to do it. There and then. Somehow, he just had to.

And do it he would. They passed the tree a turning AJ once lay limp against. He wouldn’t forget it for the rest of his life. That, or the other fourteen times it happened. That vicious cycle of watching a damned child die over and over again was finally at an end, but only at the life of one last sacrifice. They crossed the bridge towards the fishing hut, where the two came to a stop.

If there was anything he was getting out of this, it was that he finally understood how loud and annoying he could be. The kid’s questions wouldn’t stop, Jesus…

“Are you really my long-lost brother? So why haven’t I ever heard of you before? ‘_Lee_’, huh… Oh, and where did Mr Ericson go? He said something bad was happening. But ugh, come on… I’m so tired, man, can I just go back to bed already? What’s so important you need to show me past curfew?”

“Just…” Louis couldn’t handle it even without the constant nagging. “It’ll all make sense… I uh, I need to show you what’s going on.” Clementine wasn’t here to pull his act together like she usually would; he needed to act quickly before his inevitable doubts got the better of him.

_What can you see? The stream. Right, use that. Just find a way to use that. Here goes… _

He pointed towards the normally calming flow of water. Improvisation was all he had to work with. “Y-you know the stream here? What’s happening is really, _really_ bad and… the school’s gonna have to supply itself for a while. What I’ve done is set up a bunch of fish traps, and I… need to show you how they work. So uh, Mr Ericson’s gone off to… get stuff to help us out with them. Do you… understand?”

_Holy hell that was bad_, he believed his explanation to be. Violet would’ve been sure to give him that scary glare of hers, the one that says, “You’re a fucking idiot, just shut up before I shut you up myself”. He shivered at the thought, but if he could’ve been lucky in any way under these circumstances, it was that he was dealing with the exact opposite of Violet. Someone known at the school as, well, himself.

His counterpart’s face was a mixture of irritation and fatigue. “You dragged me all the way out here just to show me how to catch a fish? Come on, man…”

Louis had the smallest of plans forming, and he got to work on it immediately. If he could just distract Little-Lou with the traps, he would probably be able to see it done. The moon was the only guiding light in the forest; they could hardly see in the first place. This could actually work. But if he had to stare the kid down as he sent a chair leg to his skull… Nuh-uh. Wasn’t happening. The fish traps were all he had, fitting as it were.

“It’s important enough for Mr Ericson to get out of bed at midnight to run off on a shopping trip, so… Please. Just… take a look, okay? You can uh, go back to bed after,” he assured, trying his best to mask the malice hidden in every word, an intent Louis was a stranger to working with. Anyone at the school before they used the stupid time box would’ve recognised he was up to no good in a heartbeat.

The littler-Lou folded his arms and sighed. “Fine… Mr Ericson said to follow your lead anyway, so let’s do it before you bore me to sleep. I’d rather sleep back in my bunk than out here in the dirt, you know.”

After having to talk to himself, Louis was really starting to feel sympathetic towards Violet. He couldn’t imagine having to deal with his attitude every night and day… but none of that mattered right now. He motioned for the boy to take a look at his fish-killing handiwork. “A-Alright, um… so if we’re gonna feed the whole school, we need to act now.”

It really took a situation so serious such as having to beat a kid’s brains out for Louis to start putting Aasim and Clem’s views on survival into practise. Only now, he needed their strength too. With a scoff, his target wandered over and knelt down by the stream. His back was turned; this was it. The golden opportunity. His hand shook towards and shortly landed on the weapon buried in the depths of his coat. Wherever Clementine was right now, he desperately needed her support. She’d be strong enough to do this… right? Of course she would if it meant getting AJ back. So, he just had to do the same. No big deal. It was only murdering an innocent child. Nope. No big deal at all.

He couldn’t bring himself to ready Chairles for the execution. As he hesitated, Louis Jr twisted his head back round, causing the elder to nearly jump out of his skin. “Dude. What traps are you on about? I don’t see anything.”

“…What?” The murder preparations were brought to a momentary pause. He approached his counterpart, squatting beside him to take a look for himself. The white light reflecting from the moon was all he needed to make him want to smash his head against the nearest boulder. There were no fish traps.

_No shit there’s no fish traps, Louis. Because you’ve travelled back to a time when they weren’t built. You. DUMBASS._

Granted, he was no delta solder - killing children wasn’t his forte, but the amazement he felt towards his potential to create a never-ending domino effect of fuckups was at an all-time high. “O-Okay, um…” Improvising on his improvisation sounded like a great way forward. “S-Sorry, I… thought I made them further down here. M-My bad, I m-must’ve set them up a little up the ways, nearer the river…” He nervously clarified, followed by an equally nervous laugh. Any more of this and even himself would be able to see through his bullshit.

“Whatever, man,” he said between a yawn, “Just hurry it up already. I’ve got gym in the morning.”

“Oh, yeah… Uh, I mean yeah, sorry… Let me just…” He walked a little further up the stream, pretending to find the location of the traps. He pointed to a spot where the water ran deeper, which, under normal daytime lighting, would’ve somewhat concealed the rigs anyway. “A-Ah, there they are. They’re over there. Go have a look.”

“You’re my brother, all right…” The younger Louis commented, before doing as instructed. At first, he knelt with a single leg again but proceeded to drop down to both knees in order to get a better view. “Bro, you said they’re here? I can’t see anything. You got a flashlight or something?”

“Um, no, I don’t… They’re uh… really far down, like, wedged between the rocks. You might have to feel for them.”

“Seriously…?” Louis could only nod in return, and the boy soon let out a tired breath before rolling up his already short sleeves. This was good. Whilst he was distracted from the sound of the water, Louis could sneak up behind him. Taking ninja-like steps, that’s exactly what he did.

Okay, this time. This time for sure. He yanked Chairles out of its cage, giving himself no time to think. He slowly raised the weapon, each blood-stained nail shining in the darkened sky. In the apocalypse, hope for the future came at the end of someone else’s. Staring down at the boy oblivious to his imminent doom sparked a riot of nausea to rekindle throughout his body. He couldn’t breathe. The weapon dangled in their air, being more likely to drop on the head of its user rather than the target’s. It swayed in the wind like a metronome. Now was not the time for second thoughts, but Louis’ nature was set in stone. Only now did he come to realise how much he relied on Clementine ever since she showed up.

This was all on him. Alone, for maybe the first time ever. His hands were cramping from squeezing the wood so hard. _Okay… On three. I’ve just gotta do it. On three…_ He raised Chairles just a little bit higher.

1.

2…

_3_…

…

It fell to his side. He couldn’t do it.

The sight of the near 10-year-old boy rummaging around the stream terrified him. If this wasn’t taken care of, what would it do to himself? But more importantly, Clementine? One of the crazy dude’s notes told him everything he needed to know. ‘_Me number two, will be the death of you_.’ The man was the definition of insanity, and it would be impossible to prove if his ciphers contained any amount of truth. That didn’t exactly inspire confidence.

Clementine wouldn’t take that chance. He knew she wouldn’t, not if it could lead to her family’s suffering. He’d already seen the depths of her own suffering following every attempt – and subsequent failure – to save her son, especially on attempt number four. That was when he saw depths unimaginable until experienced for oneself. A simple act of cowardice here could make it worse. Much worse. All because he fucked up again.

If Louis couldn’t kill the child before him, then Clementine could. It was obvious from the start; he could never have the courage to pull this off. That’s why he raised Chairles once again. For however long it may take, he tried standing in her shoes, fooling himself into believing he had her confidence. _Clem doesn’t hesitate. You need to be strong, for once in your fucking life._

He closed his eyes and looked away. His lungs were gasping for air; the darkness impeding his vision brought him ever closer to passing out.

_Just don’t turn around, little dude…_ This was it. The muscles keeping the chair leg readied in the air were anticipating the starting gun. _Just do it_… he thought, pulling the weapon further back for a greater swing. Not because he wanted a cleaner kill, but for losing the faked belief in himself.

_Just do it already!_ Clem wasn’t going to save herself here, only he could. Louis helped her end the life of her dying son, now he needed to help himself end another. This was how he was getting his family back. For AJ… For Clementine…

_DO IT!_ His eyes darted open as Chairles swung with full force. He wished they hadn’t.

“Lee…?” The boy turned to face him with the nails inches away from his skull. Time came to an abrupt stop. Louis’ mind captured the freezeframe of a moment to haunt him for the rest of his life. His face was slowly carved into a ghastly fear he’d never ever wanted to see on a child. The fear of knowing you were going to die, and not being able to do a damn thing about it. The outright acceptance of a bitter, bitter end.

A few seconds later, the two dropped to the floor. Louis’ hands drowned beneath a pool of none other than the blood he could call his own. “I’m sorry… I’msosorry I’msosorry I’msosorry…”

He lay there, the wind feeling like frostbite at the ends of his fingers. It spread across every bone in his body at the sight of blood spraying mercilessly between each and every crack in the child’s fractured skull. The restrains on his fragile stomach fell apart. He couldn’t keep anything down. Such a sickening act was met with an equivalent price to pay.

“_What the fuck have I done_?”

He couldn’t prevent AJ’s death. He’d sent a maimed Clementine into the unknown. The entire plan was in ruins. A corpse of the first life he’d ever wilfully taken tainted his hands in blood. A kid with an entire life to look forward to severed from that very hope. And still he still needed to dump the body, like a forgettable piece of trash.

Louis curled into a ball, trembling against the cold dirt below as blood soaked its way through the ends of his hair. There was no-one to shift the blame to. There wasn’t even anyone to support him. He was all alone, and it was all his fault.

  1. _ Fucked. Up._

***

_7 Days Later_

“How are you feeling, Louis? You’ve become my best customer.”

“…Like shit.”

The eight day of living in an old age, and the seventh of his confinement to the Nurse’s Office under Ms Martin’s care. The story went that some of the kids found him passed out after following a trail of sick and blood. A real charming combo. They dragged him straight back here, where he hadn’t seen life outside this room from the moment he arrived. Literally. Ms Martin was the only person Louis had set eyes on in the entire school. Apparently he required so much medical attention that the Nurse’s Office was off-limits for the other students’ minor bumps and scratches.

A nearby sick bucket had become his best friend. This morning’s dose of medicine would have to be the last; Ms Martin insisted he followed a regular schedule, but there was no doubt in his mind it was barely working, if at all. They were just being wasted at this point. Sure, they had _some_ effect. The persisting nausea would cut him some slack when the drugs kicked in, it was when they wore off though did it strike back harder than Violet’s rebuttals.

The only thing he could confidently say it did do was make him feel… _spaced out_. He liked to imagine this is what it meant to be high but much to his disappointment, Ms Martin explained drowsiness was a potential side-effect. The only problem being he was experiencing it like the nurse had never seen. And thanks to that, reading the inspirational ‘Get Well Soon!’ posters littered throughout the room for days on end were the only distraction away from, well, just about everything. It was driving him crazy.

Just because he couldn’t see them didn’t mean he couldn’t hear them. They were everywhere. Day after day, the calls of his dead friends rang through the halls, with the only silence being the isolation within his own mind as he slept. Not even then was he free. They slipped into his dreams. First it was laughter; with only one adult, they all thought it was permanent summer vacation. How wrong they were. How very wrong. It must’ve been five or six days ago that he heard the first signs of the world ending. Crying. Only a few days in, and one funeral later, everything changed. Ms Martin told it all. One of the kids was eaten. Another ran away. They were already down to 40 children barely a week in. She had her work cut out for her.

Then there was the laughing at the door…

_“Look! Louis is bigger!”_

_“He’s grown up into a crybaby!”_

_“Did you eat a Mario mushroom, Louis? Or did’ya snort one?”_

He needed to get out of there. Each squeaky-voiced jibe through the walls invoked the memory of that still image captured on his first day. The face of his unfortunate younger self, and the bloodbath that followed. If it wasn’t the ghostly screams of fallen students set to play on a broken record, it was that. When he was asleep. When he was awake. It wouldn’t stop.

The silver lining? Their voices were unrecognisable. So many died before he could become friends with everyone that he was a stranger to these group of kids more now than ever before. At the very least, it meant _they_ weren’t making fun of him. Marlon, Brody, Omar, Aasim, Tenn, Sophie, Minerva, Ruby… even Violet wasn’t. Except of course, for Willy and Mitch. That was nothing special, the pair were always a little weird, especially the former. The majority of his former friends’ silence amongst the bully-Louis-brigade meant something to him for what it was worth. That’s as silver lining as silver linings went.

…But one voice he would’ve given anything to hear, even if their words sometimes sent his pride to an early grave, was Clementine’s.

It was time to go; the drug’s effects sent him down an endless spiral of hopeless thoughts all too often. The most beautiful girl he’d ever met with such an enormous heart was always the icing on the cake. But fucking hell… could she turn beauty into pure terror fast. He really needed a distraction. And what better one than his trusty piano?

He raised his head from the pillow, feeling like he’d crash land on it again at any second. Having so many thoughts didn’t make your head heavier, did it? That’d be so weird, man…

It sounded like the kids were gathered outside. Perfect. “Hey, Ms Martin…? I’m gonna go for a little walk.” After days of not being used, his knees were jammed with cobwebs. He gradually stood up and immediately made his way to the door. “See you later…”

“Hold on, Louis…” the very lightly southern accented voice called out to him. Maybe that was why she took a liking to Ruby. “If you’re going out, just be careful, okay? Take it slow and steady. I think takin’ that bucket along with you might be a good idea.”

He didn’t trust the medicine to keep the nausea at bay much longer. “Sure…” At least this piece of metal treated him better than the _other_ one. Speaking of which, if the kids explored the music room at all, they’d have gotten their hands on it. Shit. He stood before his inanimate best friend. “Come on, buddy.” It didn’t move. Obviously. Why he expected it to wasn’t even worth asking about.

_I’m talking to a bucket…_

Maybe it wasn’t the right time to grace the Earth with his presence again after all. Squinting his way back into the real world, he reluctantly collected it from its bedside position and entered the hallway, choosing to ignore the concerning glance Ms Martin was giving. “That’s the same kid…?” He heard through the door, not that he had any motivation to turn back and explain the unexplainable.

Even without a drug prescription was he feeling mostly better than his first bed-ridden day. Mostly. Thank God he had experience with the device’s side effects. He couldn’t say the same for Clem though… Memories from that first night were the main source of his sickness now. It turns out that actually taking the time to recover by not putting yourself in danger everyday could in fact help you recover. Who knew?

He glided down the halls and stairway with relative ease. The school was disgustingly clean. So much so that he forgot he was even at Ericson’s. His hand didn’t pick up grime from the hand railings. His shoes didn’t graze past leaves and weeds. It couldn’t have looked so right, but so wrong at the same time. Every tile or window reflecting the sunlight was his to blame for. Getting to that piano couldn’t come sooner enough. The photos of Mr Ericson had already been graffitied, at least that was the same…

Louis turned the corner for the music room without running into another student by some miracle. Ms Martin had come down behind him and was taking roll outside, that was probably why. He hadn’t met his old friends, but something was there in his way, whose nose was rapidly scanning every corner of the double doors. Louis stopped dead in his tracks as a slightly smaller Rosie caught onto his scent.

Her low growls swept through the hallway as she cautiously approached an unfamiliar sight. Rosie might not’ve had the same bulk, but it didn’t make her any less terrifying being on the wrong side of her. “H-hey girl… R-Remember me?” He nervously asked, holding out a flat hand. Maybe she could smell the blood on the weapon beneath his coat. He didn’t want to know. Getting his face chewed off by an old pet wasn’t his ideal way of starting the day.

The sniff test was underway. And just like any test, it started off light until the intensity ramps up. And did it ever ramp up. Louis was taken aback; her sniffs had a higher fire rate than a machine gun. She traced all up his arm until her neck could reach no longer, then down his right leg, then the left, then the left arm until settling on using his left palm as a prime target. This wasn’t normal, at least by Rosie’s normal introductions. Something was wrong… or very right. Luckily for him, the result was clear.

She tried jumping with her two front paws onto his chest, her tiny tail about to fly off into the ceiling. A short and sweet bark brought out a smile he hadn’t made since that final kiss with Clem before he fucked everything up. _Holy shit, does she remember me?_

He went down on his knees and proceeded to get a free wash. Yep. Being forced to lean back, he more than happily assumed that was the case. She only ever took a real liking to him once she’d established herself as Clementine’s pet where he saw a lot more of her, especially after Clem was bitten. Every time he opened the door, Rosie would be lying under her bed as a watchful protector. All of the fuss he gave her back then must’ve finally paid off.

That, or the drugs were making him see and feel things he really shouldn’t be. Nah…

Louis savoured the moment. First thing in eight days that’s gone right. “C’mere girl.” Placing the bucket down, he took a minute to return the love being shown to him. Her eyes drooped as he scratched the back of her neck. “Aww, you like that don’t’cha girl? You remember me, and I remember your sweet spots,” he mused to himself. “Come on then, let’s get into that music room.”

Rosie became his second shadow as he approached the double doors, and it was then he realised what she was sniffing at. The left of the pair swung backwards, revealing an unhealthily large puddle of guess-what acting like a door mat, with a trail leading from the piano seat not far behind. He looked down at his bucket and shivered. “Eugh… Maybe I should go back to bed for a few days… or weeks…” he noted, before taking another look at the mess he’d made. “…Or months…”

Himself and Rosie skipped over the splatters, having to lean over to pull the door to a close. “And maybe I should clean it up, too…” That would have to be some point in the future. Piano. Piano. Piano. That was all he wanted to do; he was already having withdrawal symptoms from being away for a new record of more than an entire week.

His eyes were immediately drawn to the two anomalies. The guitars and the various handheld instrument weren’t gone. The entire room was untouched, and it didn’t take a genius to find out why. The side effects of using that stupid time box were fucking cruel, but at least it saved the apocalypse’s music industry. Again, silver linings of silver linings.

By God’s sweet mercy was the piano itself and its accompanying bench spotless of any you-get-the-idea. He took a seat where Rosie settled down to his left, the closest to him and furthest away from the trail she could get. The stupid, stupid box he took from some equally stupid crazy guy in the woods stood tall and proud behind the sheet music. The thing that ruined everything. His fingers danced over the opening chord of a little number he liked to call, “Clementine”.

Whatever the medicine was doing to his body, damn did it make music feel so good. Perfectly in tune, too. His favourite instrument could never let him down. Fingers gliding from key to key were all set on autopilot as Louis closed his eyes. Each passing note filled the void of tiredness in his mind with their soothing melody. If only he’d been able to teach Clem or AJ, he’d be able to fall asleep there and then while they played…

The song welcomed his troubled thoughts with open arms. He immersed himself in the memories of the trio sitting in this very room having not a care in the world. AJ gawking at how he was able to make sounds with black and white rectangles. Clementine’s gentle gaze with those hypnotic amber eyes. There wasn’t any need for jokes. When the three sat on the same bench together silently listening to his concert was something else. Something he’d never experienced in his entire time in the apocalypse until that point. He’d… never been happier. All thanks to a little goofball, and his hat-wielding guardian.

He turned his head to the left, imagining in the endless darkness that she was really there. He began improvising another part song as it came to its final notes.

_She looked deep into his eyes, full of admiration. “Wow, that’s beautiful, Louis…” she praised, her voice flowing with the melody of lower notes._ Louis followed a lower scale, trying to find a similar pitch to the encouraging words of his imaginations.

“…Thanks, Clem.”

_“Did you write this one too? Have you come up with a name for it?”_

“It’s the song I played on the night of the raid. You know, the one named after my one and only love for fruit,” Louis joked with a teasing grin. “I’m making it up as we go.”

_AJ’s soft voice barely raised itself over the piano. “What’s it called?”_

_“Clementine…” She responded for him with a giggle. There it was. That look of pride._ _A look powerful enough to make even a self-proclaimed fuckup feel worth a damn. And it always had the same heart-warming smile to go along with it._ With motivation like that, he could play for every second the sun was in the sky. They were truly the light that guided him through his once miserable life.

_AJ being AJ came out with something only he possibly could. “Huh… Well if it’s different but the same, shouldn’t you call it something else? Like ‘Clementine 2’?”_

_The parental pair briefly looked at one another and burst out laughing_. “You’re right, little dude! That’s exactly what we’ll call it. ‘Clementine 2’. Going straight to Number 1 on a billboard near you.”

_“What’s a ‘billboard’…?” _

_His confused face only made it funnier. Clem and Louis couldn’t stop grinning at each other, their laughs continually filling the room with joy as he played the final notes of his remastered song. He took his hands off the keys, and the girl to the left proceeded to rest her head against his shoulder all the while AJ to the right was looking as lost as ever. The musician moved to droop his arms over their shoulders in return. To hold his family at their happiest. Just one more time, for just one second…_

He felt nothing. Cold, empty nothing. Rosie’s worried stare wasn’t without reason. His arms dropped effortlessly to the unoccupied seats beside him. “Fuck…” It was a cruel world. Louis had finally found genuine happiness in his life, one where the forced funny-guy persona became nothing more than a mask left in the past, only to have it ripped away only a short month later. And in his eyes, there was only himself to blame. He desperately wanted to go back to that small period of time. The best time of his life. The existence of walkers was completely forgotten. There was only three: himself, Clementine, and AJ. That was more than enough to live life like normal again.

He brought his attention back to the metallic box resting the piano. He couldn’t save AJ no matter how hard he tried, then when he resorts to using this more than it can handle that blows up in his face too. The piano shrieked as his elbows fell onto a random set of keys, his head burying itself in his hands.

“Clem… Wherever you are, I’m sorry. I fucked up.” His worst fears were true. Eight days in, and there was no sign of her. For all he knew, she was out in the wilderness, with only a single leg, all alone. It wasn’t the absent limb that scared him the most. All he could picture was Clementine carving her name in stone the second she woke up.

‘Clementine’ and ‘alone’ were two things that did not mix well. More now than ever. He’d seen it for himself. Her burial would be by her own hand.

The fourth attempt at saving AJ. The failure that pushed him to the brink. He was directly at fault for the boy’s death, making him just as bad as the actual killer. With her only source of support remaining being the catalyst for unrepairable darkness, Clementine…

~~

The unending silence was crushing. The door to her room towered over him, everything was telling him ‘Do Not Enter’ by any means necessary. The line between the hallway and dormitory housing a devastated young mother could be the difference between life and death. Nevertheless, he couldn’t leave this attempt behind without saying something to her, though he didn’t know what. This time was different from the rest. Louis couldn’t strike the balance of going in to say his apologies or his final words. It was one or the other. AJ meant everything to her, and he didn’t mean that lightly. Her boy was everything that got her out of bed in the morning. Everything that put food in her mouth. Everything that kept her alive.

The door creaked open, and he took his first steps into a desolate cave. The walls were pitch black. Shadows directed him to the centre of the room under the moon’s spotlight. Clementine was there sat on the edge of her bunk, not paying any attention to her surroundings. In her eyes reflected the object holding her focus hostage. AJ’s gun. It was like a toy. The magazine span round and round, revealing its six-round chamber with a single empty slot. One shot was all it took to lose a life she would now never find. Her eyes were dead. That bullet stopped a little boy from turning, and a girl from seeing the light of day ever again.

Each step towards her piled on the guilt of his actions. Falling down could be the very thing that saved him, at least for a few more seconds. He knew it in his bones. He would not be walking away from this unscathed, and if he did, it would be the opposite of a miracle. The look on her face had death written all over. For Alvin, and herself.

She finally acknowledged his presence with the click of the gun. His stomach dropped. The magazine retook its rightful spot under the barrel, and he completely missed where the empty slot had landed.

“Louis.” A voice lacking any emotion signalled for the trial to begin. His feet froze before her. She was a judge playing by her own rules, with a plan resting on having nowhere to land. There wasn’t any room for second thoughts for either of them. With the flick of a finger, their lives could change forever.

If looks could kill, he’d be wounded worse than anything a bullet could do. “What do you say, _Lou_? Don’t you think I’m lucky?”

There wasn’t a moment in his life where he’d been in such deep shit. With his experience of making matters worse, he’d be sinking deeper the second he opened his mouth. He clenched his hands to prevent them from shaking with little success. A barrage of verbal assault was just waiting for his first words. “Clem, I’m so sorry, I’m-”

Her eyes flickered with anger. “Answer me.”

The question didn’t have a right answer. Not from his point of view. Whether it did or didn’t, he was shaking like a dog from being so clueless. “Um… N-No…?”

She climbed to her foot, using a nearby crutch like a cane. “Wrong answer.” Louis’s instincts were screaming at him to step back. Her presence shattered his whittling confidence with every bit of ground gained on him. He’d never felt so small in his life. Listening to her did he hear the grit of someone at the end of their road. “_I_ am the luckiest person on this fucking planet. I’m _so_ lucky… that the only thing I have left to win is what I fucking lose.”

Louis kept his mouth shut. Any trust in himself for not fucking this up worse was non-existent. It was a call that was neither right nor wrong, as Clementine continued her rant for a hollow desire. “I’ve survived where people beg to die. Let me tell you something, Louis. Death is a fucking mercy.” Her head dropped to the gun in her hand, waving aimlessly around his stomach. “AJ once told me… that if I got bit, he’d want me to bite him too. I thought he was wrong. But isn’t it lucky he got shot and isn’t here to shoot me, too?”

Fear, confusion, Louis felt it all. His nerves were on the edge of their seat, waiting for the moment her disguised rage would fall on him. “How many times are the people I love going to become another body in the pile of corpses I stand on? How many times? It’s so tall I can’t even fucking breathe. But no-one ever answers my prayers when _I_ wanna go. You wanna know why that is? It’s because I’m so lucky… I. Can’t. Die.” She took a deep breath, giving time for the growing spite on her tongue to flourish. “People die in my place. Walkers forget how to fucking bite. Somehow I’ve been saved by every trick in the book.”

Her eyes widened, taking in the beauty of the gun brought an inch away from her face. “So… Me and you, Lou. We’re going to test that luck.” The gun pointed and swayed dangerously close to her head, where her finger never once left the trigger. “How about it? You feeling like digging another kid’s grave? You’re getting pretty good at that.”

He was in utter disbelief; she’d never acted this way the previous times AJ died. No way was he the last thing her sanity clung onto… Though that might’ve just been the case. She’d totally lost it here! His involvement in his death couldn’t be forgiven, so he could’ve only been as good to her as the raiders that shot him. He had to stop her. Even if she didn’t care about herself, he still did. “Clem, please, don’t-”

“The odds are 1/6.” She ignored him. “That’s not so bad. Do you like those odds? Come on, I’ve survived worse. And isn’t that what we _all_ really want?”

Enough was enough. “Clem, stop!” He snatched the gun out of her hand before she could do anything reckless. An act done for the good of her health, but the misfortune of his own. At the realisation of what he’d done, Louis saw straight through her. Clementine wasn’t in there. Not anymore. He’d awakened a sleeping giant of instinctual rage that had its sight set to kill. It was inside of her the entire time they’d known each other, and all it took was one wrong move for it all to be unleashed. Time stood still. Louis breathed as if it were his last.

But no matter what was about to happen to him, he wouldn’t regret it one bit.

She tackled him to the ground, his head slamming against the floor below. His concentration snapped in half. Her face was spinning…

Pinned to the ground, he lazily tried lifting his head before a fist sent it soaring back down. Animalistic growls had his ears trembling. There was nothing he could do other than accept a bloody beatdown at the hands of his first love.

“You useless FUCKING IDIOT! My little boy, YOU GOT HIM FUCKING KILLED!”

Jesus Christ, she was strong! His left cheekbone felt like it split in two. Louis continued to endure strike after strike. The pain kept piling on. He tried shielding his face, and his arms received the brunt end of even fiercer punches.

“Do you know how much work I put in? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE DIED TO GET US THIS FAR?! ALL FOR YOU TO SCREW UP IT ALL UP?! YOU FUCKER!”

The onslaught showed no signs of stopping. Clementine wasn’t blinking. Her eyes were leaking with rage, becoming fear as it absorbed into his own. “I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”

Punch after punch after punch. They were only getting stronger.

It hurt… It hurt so much… He’d never felt so much pain in his life. No amount of bullying at school or fighting off walkers ever amounted to this. On the end of another strike, he rolled onto his side as a tear shot down his left eye. Oh my God, it hurt so bad… “Clem…”

His nose erupted in pain following a crunch. “What’s the point of me going on anymore? You’ve left me with nothing! _Nothing_! Fucking CHILD KILLER!”

The only defence he had from her assault were the tears flowing down his cheeks. As her screams became louder, so too did his whimpers.

“Clem… Please…”

“JUST… FUCKING… DIE!” The walls of his skull were about to fall apart. He feared the next one would be it. She meant every word. He cut his vision to black, channelling all his might into a first and final scream.

“Clem… _PLEASE_!”

The wind of an oncoming fist brushed against his skin. His eyes anxiously reopened to her next attack frozen right before his face. Through his blurred vision, he looked past the halted arm to see Clementine taking heavy lethargic breathes as she kneeled over him. She was well and truly lost. Her eyes followed no direction, staring deep into the ground before eventually locking onto his.

The second they made contact his body’s prime derivative was to crawl away as fast as possible. What he saw in front of him was the embodiment of terror. All the strength had been wiped out of him; he was forced to stare into the eyes of the person who was almost his killer as he awaited their next move.

Louis only fully realised then that she’d stopped. Her mouth hung open as she looked over the result of her broken nature. All it took was nearly getting beaten to death, but he finally he saw the girl he’d grown to love. “I… I…”

He did his best to push himself up but only collapsed under the weight of his battered body. From the cold floor he tried assuring her, “It’s alright… I deserve this…”

She looked absolutely mortified. “I hurt you…” the fallen mother coldly admitted. “Even after what happened, you came to apologise and I…”

Louis offered a weak smile, the best he could muster. One way or another, she was back, which is all he could’ve asked for. Spitting away the remaining blood and wiping away his tears, he set out to steer her in the right direction. “It’s really okay… After what I did earlier, I-”

But before he could finish, Clementine picked up the gun and crutch fallen wayside and slowly stood up. “Wait, no, Clem… W-What are you doing?”

Her expression hadn’t changed. She shook her head. “I’m so sorry, Louis…” Not having the strength to move, he watched as she brought the pistol to her temple. Her tears were trapped behind a wall of guilt, with her bottled grief about to explode in a single bullet. She couldn’t cry no matter how much they were calling. “I’m… going to test my luck. I’m sorry.” Her eyes slammed shut. She really wanted this. Louis was on death’s door yet was far more terrified for the person stood over him.

Her finger shook on the trigger. A sudden bolt of energy revitalised him at the sight. He charged forward. “No no no no w-w-wait! Clem!”

The gun jolted in her hand. “NO!” A finger squeezed the trigger and didn’t let go. For a split second, everything went silent. He froze to the spot. It hadn’t fired. An overwhelming sense of disappointment emitted from the weapon’s holder, as if that was exactly what they were expecting. She was going to try again. Louis reached out and snatched if off her once more, this time for good. Holy fuck that was close! One of the two couldn’t believe it.

With a set of heavy breathes later, Louis felt the sudden urge to check on her. He wasn’t expecting her to actually go through with ‘testing her luck’! Her mental state was in utter ruins. “Clem, are you okay-”

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me…” he heard her mutter under her breath, staring off into the distance. He could say the same. Holy hell, she was actually right about her fortune. The aspiring musician held the gun close by, looking in almost amazement. “Let me see that,” she ordered before retaking her property by force.

A few seconds flew by without him realising the danger of Clementine having a gun. “Hey, hey! Don’t even think about-”

“It jammed.” She was quietly spoken, conveying the disappointment through a statuesque face. The chamber came under the moon’s reflections.

“…What?”

“The gun was loaded. It was supposed to kill me. But it didn’t.” She practically shoved the pistol into his chest for him to hold as she sat back down on her bed. Taking another look, she was right again. The empty slot was at the bottom. It wasn’t in place for the shot.

“What the fuck…” Wondering about the universe bending to the benefit of her survival would have to wait. Clementine sat in a pit of shadows under the upper bunk. He rushed to her side, now fully aware she was prepared to pull the trigger. “Clem, Oh my God… I’m sorry, are you okay? I…” Louis couldn’t find what he wanted to say. He’d never had to deal with someone like this before. Any clues for making her feel better were lost in the sands of her hourglass, one that refused to let any go.

She pinched the bridge of her nose as if she were in pain. “Aren’t I lucky?” She lamented, waiting for no answer. Louis understood completely. She’d been cursed with so much fortune throughout her journey that it was finally catching up to her. The luck of survival became her daily life’s anguish. He couldn’t imagine how many people she’d seen leave this world behind while her feet stayed rooted to the ground.

Silence was abandoned for a bitter acceptance. She began giggling under her hand. _She’s giggling… Why is she giggling?_ He was clueless _and_ probably the last person Clem wanted to see right now. This was way out of his league. Louis watched in horror as the broken girl started violently rubbing her sleeves against her eyes. The dam of built-up tears burst through all at once, yet she never stopped laughing.

He drank it all in - the sight of the fucking mess that was now his girlfriend. And learning that it was his fault, it became the punishment for any of his next fuckups. This would happen again and again unless he figured out a way to save AJ, or at least make sure she wasn’t alone. However many times it would take, the job would be done. He’d seen enough. There wasn’t a chance in hell he could let Clem live the rest of her life like this. It was insanity.

Now, where the fuck did he leave that stupid thing? The music room.

~~

…

Rosie gently grazed her head against an idle hand, with the other busy tending to the scar on his left check. This dog was better at reading emotion than any human, that was certain. “Hey girl,” he greeted after a long, nerve-wracking daydream. Returning the gesture by giving her some fuss, he insisted, “I’m alright now… I’m alright.”

Yes, Louis was, in fact, alright. But _she_ wasn’t. “If she finds out I fucked everything up and she’s alone…”

He eyed the metal box atop of the piano. Maybe it was the medicine talking, but an idea sprang to mind that he couldn’t ignore. An idea stupider than anything he’d done before. An idea crazier than that guy in the woods. An idea that might just work.

_If this thing can send people back in time… can it go forward, too?_

From the looks of things, their situation couldn’t get any worse. He had to try, right? If he could somehow get them all back to the school like nothing ever happened, in the same style of wiping the save off a video game, they could start again. Think of a better strategy. Prevent AJ from dying. Keep Clem’s fragile sanity intact. It was a long shot… but what other choice did he have? He was always told it was better to try than to not try at all. And if it meant at the very least seeing the colour in those amber eyes again, then he’d try his damndest.

He never _ever_ wanted to see her like that again. He took hold of the box. It was falling to pieces; the silver metal itself was partly corroded to rust, screws were loose, these weird little ports on the back were crammed shut with assumingly more of the crazy dude’s notes. Louis wasn’t great at maths, but he was good at looking on the bright side - a negative times a negative equals a positive. If he combined a fucked-up situation with the equally fucked-up machine… what could possibly go wrong?

“…God she’s gonna kill me if I don’t get this right.”

Welp, it was all he had. A chance to save eight years of waiting around for one person to show up wasn’t about to be missed. Not that he knew what she had planned. Other than that he was a dumbass and told her to do everything the same. So all of the trauma she went through, everything that led her to snap, he basically just said to do it all again. Fuck, he didn’t even know whether to follow that rule himself. He’d be forced to listen to his classmates dying one by one all over again. Forced to relive the life of the child now engraved into his nightmares.

“…She’s going to fucking murder my sorry ass when she gets back.”

He was a sitting duck. The only chance of them meeting each other was for her to find him. Meaning any resemblance of the original plan was relying on her.

“I’m. Going. To. Die.”

She used to tell him he needed to step up, so now he would. For the only person to ever stay with him beyond the jokes, he would climb to the top of a mountain if that was the only way of seeing her again. If it didn’t work, you couldn’t say he didn’t try. He’d figure out how to live at the school amid the chaos, all so she could return with a smile.

By a stroke of utter genius, he flipped the box upside down in hopes it would ‘reverse’ the function. Never question Louis’ brilliance. “Now, let’s see…”

***

Her head was thumping, stomach brutally rumbling, and nose probably bleeding. Today was not gonna be a good day. She devised a plan right then. Search Warner Robins, get Mark, go back to bed. Done.

…She might also need to take her new best friend of a sick bucket along for the ride. Scratch that, she needed it now.

“Well, let’s get this over with…” she yawned, ready to finish her self-assigned tasks before they even began.

Clementine’s eyes gradually opened through the blur of darkness. Behind it was a wooden floor. Wooden walls. Wooden… everything. The room looked unfinished. She shot up straight. It was the house Arvo once brought them too. Right after the frozen lake.

“_What the fuck_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, just for the record, I don't actually know the name of the headmaster other than his first name's supposed to be 'Robert'. I doubt he'd name a school after himself, but I like to think it's a family business.
> 
> Not gonna lie, writing Louis can be a lot of fun. It'd be interesting to see if this made anyone understand anything or confuse them even more, both are a win in my book!


	15. Hope Away From Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up in a familiar place, Clementine falls in love with equally familiar faces. In the meantime, Lee and Kenny take on the challenge presented by the Air Force base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to (just barely!) keep to a monthly chapter update with this one. Unfortunately, I don't know if I'll be keeping to it for much longer as I start full-time work again for a while. Just as I was really finding a passion for writing these last few days, too... Oh well. I hope you like what you see from this!

“Wha… What?”

_Unfinished House, 2005_

Not even a minute into waking up and Clementine was already at the forefront of a wall of questions. The house was practically inviting the harsh winter environment to settle inside, a pair of wooden frames for the entrance’s double ‘doors’ allowing passage for whatever may come by. A structure built upon flimsy planks and plasterboard could barely stand in someone’s way, and despite this, she was unable take a single step forward in understanding what the hell was going on.

A throbbing headache, a stomach growling dangerously close towards the thin line separating hunger and the product of her ‘illness’, these were two things she had come to understand and was, admittedly, getting used to. Waking up in an entirely new/old location, however, was not. Then there was the weird itching on her right arm, though she chalked that up to probably having lay on it for hours.

“You’re up,” a strangely familiar voice called out to her. With an unknown amount of sleep taking its time in relieving its control of her body, Clementine sluggishly rose to her feet to survey her surroundings. Arvo was tied to a flight of stairs. Jane sat close by, looking as welcoming as possible to accompany the greeting. And to her right, on the same makeshift bench as Jane, was a baby AJ well wrapped in a singular pale green blanket, silently sleeping inside a small wooden crate.

At the sight of the one she could call her son, her mind immediately sprung to life. As if the gun signalling the start of the race had been fired, the young mother made a small dash to the crate for a glance at the boy she’d have given anything to get back, all the while ignoring the woman trying to get her attention.

She couldn’t believe it. He was really there, alive. No sick jokes, no cruel twists, no nothing. The miracle went straight to her face. Her mouth hung low as she tried to take in the sight before her. Even if he were only a baby, she looked down upon someone who’d brought her years of struggle, but more importantly, atop all her caregiving efforts, were years of happiness. Whenever she saw his face in the morning, she’d smile. Whenever he playfully tried following her English lessons in the car, she’d smile. As with the others she considered close, an all-too common feeling emerged within her chest of a gradual tightening that spread across her heart and lungs at the thought of him being apart from her protection. It was a feeling that had only become that much stronger in the wake of finding Kenny and Lee alive again all in due part to her fractured heart desperately clinging on to every last second of love it received as a result of the tragedy at Ericson’s. Following instruction, she moved to hold the baby in her arms with a newfound sense of excitement, but not before a disgustingly gentle voice interrupted her.

“He’s really growing on you, isn’t he?”

With a mind free from its drowsy state, the cogs slowly begun turning in her head. Inside her field of vision was the unfinished house as it always was, with Arvo tied up in the background and Jane sat next to AJ. As the cogs _clanked_ and _clunked_ together, processing the information before her drastically slowed down. The machine powering her survival instincts kicked into gear. Trauma-induced danger warnings struck her like a lightning bolt. Jane was sat next to AJ.

This wasn’t just anyone on that bench. _Jane_ was sat next to _AJ_.

In that instance, all of her happiness faded. Red flags raised all around her. Memories of the lone survivor’s plan to ditch the boy in the middle of a blizzard inside a freezing car flashed before her eyes. Clementine hitched a breath. Jane’s sickening smile dropped her stomach straight into the deep end of nerves. Her headache and nausea evaporated without a trace, all that was left was the overwhelming urge to protect her child from any and all threats. A beat hadn’t the time to pass before her body moved on its own – in the blink of an eye, she swiped the baby from the crate and frantically searched her pockets for a weapon with her left hand. Finding a pistol, she immediately trained the gun on the woman’s forehead before falling to the floor and scurrying backwards until her back inevitably hit a wall. The squeakier 11-year-old voice was empowered with the rage of her older self. “Get the fuck away from him you crazy bitch!”

“What?! I-” Jane’s eyes showed more white than the moon, she didn’t get the chance to defend herself before Clementine continued barking at her like an aggravated dog.

Her finger twitched on the trigger. “I know who you are, I know what you’re planning to do! Go near him again and I’ll claw your fucking eyes out! Don’t even fucking look at him!” she screamed, burying AJ under the protection of her shoulder away from his former abandoner.

“The hell’s goin’ on!?” Mike asked as he ran into the room. She didn’t care.

“I don’t know! I didn’t-”

Within her tight grip, Clem thrust the gun forward towards Jane to emphasise her warnings, the desire to shoot growing vigorously by the second. “I’ll fucking kill you before I let you get your hands on him. Do you hear me?!” Her aim snapped towards Mike; another person willing to leave AJ (and even take his food) for the sake of their own selfish desires. “Don’t even think either of you are laying a finger on him! I know what you’re planning, both of you! How fucking _dare_ you?!” she spat, reminding herself of their actions.

For a few moments, the two adults were rooted to the spot in fear. They glanced back and forth between each other, silently debating who should speak first. The raw, terrorizing rage demonstrated further through Clementine’s eyes than the gun itself frightened her enemies to the bone regardless of what form she took on, just as Lee found out back in the drug store. Mike, being the more sympathetic of the two, eventually looked more concerned for her than scared for himself.

Holding his hands up to surrender, he tried easing the situation. “Clem, it’s okay, it’s okay! Shit, you don’t look good _at all_-”

The gun snapped in his direction, his face recovering its fear as if it never left. She didn’t care one bit for how she felt, there was no way she was ever letting these scumbags steal the child’s food or abandon him ever again. She stared back, challenging him to speak some more. “I can’t believe I’m saying this,” he muttered under his breath, before taking off for the rear entrance. “I’ll get Kenny.”

The only target remaining in the room was about to stand up, and Clementine caught the movement before it had the chance to start. “Where the fuck do you think _you’re_ going?”

Jane looked like she was talking to a ghost, sitting straight back down without hesitation. “Clem, what the hell happened to you?!”

She was disgusted by how friendly that sounded to her. “Don’t call me ‘Clem’,” she demanded with a snarl. To think someone who left her child for dead could ever be on close terms with her was sickening, more so than her real sickness.

The iron sights never once strayed away from her skull, and before long, a bearded Kenny burst onto the scene taking in everything playing out before him in a single breath. He marched over to Jane with shaking fists. “What the _fuck_ did you do to her!?”

The threat derived Jane’s face of any colour. With Kenny automatically in sync with Clementine’s fury, the surrendering woman was visibly fearing for her life beyond what any walker could achieve as her problems were quickly doubled. Just like Mike, her hands flailed in front of her in defence. “No no n-no, w-wait! I really didn’t do anything, I swear! She woke up and just started acting like this!” As Kenny took a step forward, her left arm shot down for the knife holster around her leg.

Clem was quick to catch on. “Don’t even fucking think it about it!”

“WHAT DID YOU DO?!” The walls quaked from their combined shouts, Kenny’s withered limits of patience becoming lost to the conflict.

Mike reappeared by the staircase, quick to jump to Jane’s defence. “Kenny, come on, just take a look at her! She’s telling the truth; Clem’s been actin’ weird ever since she got up.”

On the unveiling of Mike’s account, someone of whom he deemed reliable, Kenny’s attention turned to his top priority. Giving Jane an untrusting look, he knelt beside the protective teen, a little surprised himself. “Clem, the hell did they do you to?” Not taking any risks ripping her attention from a woman with a hand prepared on a knife, she offered no response. “Clem hey, look at me,” he pressed, trying to get her sights away from the gun.

“…Kenny?” They needed to lock eyes for only a second, and Clementine breathed for what felt like the first time in hours. Only a quick look at her told him enough to know Mike and Jane’s defence could be justified.

Cautiously bringing a hand to her left shoulder, he coaxed her into calming down from her riled-up state. “Yeah, it’s me, darlin’. Remember what we talked about before the lake? About you bein’ there for me?” She drew her mind back to the last time this happened when they were heading out to spot areas for fish traps, fell asleep on his back, and woke up here without any reason. Her vision traced the patchy floor as she recalled offering her aid in the times such as these, only now the roles had been reversed. Whatever assessment he made of her, the outcome showed he needed to push on. “You’re gonna have to tell me what’s goin’ on Clem, so we can help each other. There’s a pickup out back I was gonna ask for your help with. Come on, let’s get you outta here and talk about it, all right?”

The experience she’d gained of her outbursts favoured his suggestion. Looking into his lone eye for assurance, she lowered the gun, taking a deep breath to stop the spread of this madness. Unfortunately for her, putting her survival instincts into neutral allowed for her body to focus on its other ‘necessities’, or more prominently, the inferno of heat generated in her head. Whether it came from the late-coming stress or another side effect, it was too strong to ignore. Without a hand free, she winced from the pain by jamming an eye closed as a headache pumped sweat down her forehead. As if adrenaline was the only source of power she had, all of the strength she’d gathered to protect AJ was wearing off in favour of combating the damages to her body. Alongside the nausea-induced pool dripping into her stomach unwilling to give her a second’s peace as it returned to its former glory, she faced Kenny with pleading eyes. “Kenny, I don’t… I don’t feel so good.”

“C’mon darlin’,” he said as he helped her to her feet, “Let’s get you some fresh air. You wanna leave AJ here by the fire-”

“I wouldn’t be caught dead leaving him here with those two.” The room was brought to a heavy silence. She briefly leaned around him, giving ice-cold glares towards Jane and Mike silently watching from a safe distance. The distrust shared throughout the group was uncomfortable for everyone, though she wouldn’t have it any other way when it came to child killers. “He’ll be fine out in a freezing car. He’s survived worse.”

Reluctantly putting the gun away, she settled on trying to kill Jane with her glare as she latched onto Kenny’s arm and followed him out the back.

Going out for fresh air couldn’t have been any less of a redundant task with the house falling to bits before it could even stand. Helpful or not, she tried simply _believing_ it would work, if only to focus more on the beautifully freezing-cold wind making icicles out of the pouring sweat.

As the two headed for the broken red pickup truck, Kenny got straight to the point. “Be straight with me, what the fuck happened?”

There was a whole list of things she could’ve said: protecting AJ from their plans, lying about having a bad dream, or even that she was just going crazy. Even through a lie, whatever came to mind would have some kind of truth to it, but not knowing where to start, she chose to remain silent, shrugging as she did.

If it weren’t for Kenny’s arm being in the way, she probably would’ve fallen face first into the snow. Looking down at the support keeping her from something that, in these circumstances, could’ve actually been quite refreshing, was how she noticed his hands were still shaking despite their anger wearing off. Not only that, but his skin seemed a little paler too, something she might not’ve picked up on if it weren’t for being an expert at feeling like utter shit recently. “Kenny, are you… cold?”

“…They didn’t get round to telling you what happened on the lake, did they?” With a sigh, he opened the door to the driver’s seat in the car. “Hop in, I’ll tell you while I get started on this thing.”

Knowing already pretty much exactly how it happened, she was far more concerned for his health than a tale once told. Leaving a gap in the door so they could hear each other, Clem climbed inside and prayed her memory would serve to getting the vehicle running as fast as possible. She wanted him by the fire, not out here in the cold. “Before you start, this car’s probably been sitting out here for years in the snow. You’re gonna want to warm up the battery, it’ll be frozen by now.”

From the other side of the windshield he must’ve been impressed, as a corner of his lip tugged into a noticeable smirk. “Since when were you little miss mechanic? All right, I’ll do just that.”

“And feel free to come by and try the ignition. I don’t think I’ll be much help, not even doing that right now. Sorry if I see a little…” she apologised in advance, bringing the free hand to her forehead, “…spaced out.”

For a moment, he stopped his initial repairs to give her a sympathetic look from behind the hood. “It’s okay, sweetie… I know you’re not well. To be honest, I… thought what happened to Luke and Bonnie mighta had somethin’ to do with why you were so freaked out. But I guess not…”

Her attention span was difficult to manage; the sound of his voice played at the end of a tunnel where the thumping against her skull and snarls of her stomach became its echoes. To her luck, the story was easy to follow seeing as though she’d already experienced it, but the longer he continued, the more differences went from being subtle to drastically different.

“…we got so far, but because I was carryin’ you at the time, our combined weight caused the ice beneath us to crack.”

“Huh?” She responded out of shock, knowing where the story was headed.

“Yeah… Luke noticed it first. If it weren’t for him, I don’t think we woulda made it…” Clem sharpened her hearing as much as possible. As interesting as it was, a growing sense of dread crept into the back of her mind at the thought of the same outcome playing despite different circumstances. Two words: Fish Traps. “He turned back, and the ice started crackin’ under him, too. As far as we knew, the three of us were as good as dead.”

A series of _clunks_ came from the hood as Kenny briefly paused, focusing on the repairs to compose himself. “Havin’ no other choice, I took a step forward. We both went under…” his voice trailed off, the current, and memories of the surrounding cold shaking his usually sturdy tone off balance. “You were so close to sinkin’ to the bottom of the lake, I… I didn’t know what to do. Luckily, I caught on to your jacket just in time. Thank Christ, but… We woulda died anyways if Luke didn’t unload a clip of his rifle into the ice near us. Thanks to that… I managed to break through and pull us out. When I look back, he’d fallen over, just barely holdin’ on. Probably tried the same thing as me. And _then_…”

Unexpectedly, his voice lost the winter’s frost and was instead replaced more of the fiery crunch she’d come to know him for. Sighing, he grumbled, “…that fuckin’ shitbird Bonnie walked over to him. They both fell through. Didn’t see neither of ‘em ever again. We’ve been by the fire most of the day, but I came out here a little while ago to start working on this pickup here. Hell of a day, huh?”

“…Yeah. Yeah it is.”

Her head fell back on the seat’s headrest, a hand moving to cover her burning forehead. If she needed any more confirmation that this fish trap principle of Louis’ was a real threat, she just got it. That was more than enough to solidify its place as one of the many reasons she wasn’t recovering.

Fingers grazed the visor of a cap. Oh, right, she was still wearing it in this… whatever it was. Along with her established reasons, she saw no reason to keep it on here either. It was only acting as a barrier between the winter wind’s gracious yin to her forehead’s boiling yang. Setting it down on the dash, she took a lengthy deep breath and turned to the one thing even the harshest of side-effects couldn’t ruin. AJ.

There was worrying about why she was here, if she were stuck here, figuring out the plan back at the motor inn, how Louis was coping with all of this, the worries were never-ending. Holding the baby out in front of her, she began to truly appreciate that amidst the shitshow she trampled through, it’d gifted her a chance a country’s worth of people would’ve begged for… such as the man out fixing the very vehicle she sat in.

“Hey, AJ, remember me?” she whispered, her gaze lost in the beauty of life flowing in his brown eyes once more. The fallen mother held her child close, gently nuzzling the tip of her nose against his own, captivated by the overwhelming joy a single boy could bring. “It’s me, Clem, remember? I missed you… _so much _AJ, I…”

No… she couldn’t cry. Yes, she may have done so in front of all her old companions as of late, but not in front of AJ. That was the one line she could only ever remember crossing once: the day the two walked the same path for the last time, with the only difference between the way she held onto him then and now being the blood of her life’s work absent from draining onto her skin.

The memory alone was torture. An opportunity to hold the boy she lost felt so underserving, but at this point, she really didn’t care. Fuck what was right and wrong. All she wanted was to see him again, and as long as she had that, she’d be okay. Supressing the growing uneasiness brought on by memories of his final day, she held AJ close against her tightening chest of which welcomed the child with open arms. Wherever this was, whenever it was, AJ was safe again under her care, and taking solace in that hope, she took a long, heavy breath, enjoying the boy’s company for as long as it lasts.

“You really love that kid, don’tcha?” Kenny observed with the prideful grin she loved plastered over his face.

“Heh… Yeah. I really do…”

Broken body problems aside, this was great. Just… _great_. Too great for her to even be sarcastic about it. She was expecting to wake up any second, but no matter how long she sat listening to Kenny’s car repairs, it never came. Clem was back with her old family again, just as the plan originally intended. In fact, it would’ve been the definition of perfect, if not for the annoying itching on her arm.

She scratched and scratched but to no avail. Adjusting the rear-view mirror to angle towards her shoulder, she grasped her three layers of clothing at the neck and slid them down to reveal what she already guessed was causing the irritation. And what do you have it, she was right. The New Frontier branding. The sight of it disgusted her to the very core even to this day. A symbol resembling nothing other than total betrayal, abandonment, and embarrassment. There weren’t enough nouns in the dictionary to describe the resentment she possessed for it. So, yes, as much as she hated it, it was on this younger body as with her other scars. But… was it supposed to?

“What’s the matter, Clem? That some kinda scratch on your shoulder?” Kenny asked, returning to his spot behind the hood after a failed attempt with the ignition. Her hand shot back up to cover the mark. She didn’t want _anyone_ finding out about that. Not Kenny, not Lee back at the motor inn, not even AJ.

“You - You can’t see that…” Hiding the truth would’ve been pointless if he’d already seen it. In fact, she was certain he had. “Um… Kenny? Before the frozen lake, you said you checked me for bites, right?”

He raised his head from the engine compartment, somewhat sceptical. “Yeah, why?”

“How… far did you check up my arms?”

He raised an eyebrow, looking back and forth between at area she just checked. “All the way up to your shoulders,” he stated, remaining silent afterwards as he waited for her to continue.

“Okay. So, uh, did you see anything weird? You know, like my axe wound? …Or the bite?”

He shook his head. “Can’t say I did, Clementine. Nah, you definitely didn’t have a scratch. Did you hurt yourself when you passed out earlier?”

Caught between telling some form of truth or outright lying, she turned her gaze upon the opened hood and chose to stay silent. Another piece of information she had no clue what to do with. Great. And this time she _was_ being sarcastic. The symbol wasn’t there, but now it’s appeared after going back and forth between here and the motor inn. But you know what? Oh well. All it was doing was itching a little bit. It just meant she had to be careful wearing light clothing here, too, which itself didn’t seem very likely for a long time given the weather.

Giving herself brainache on top of a headache sounded like a recipe for disaster, especially with those two leading to a panic attack all too recently. Instead, she opted to set that aside for another day and go back to enjoying the company of the little bundle of love resting in her arms. As time passed without a worry, she could swear Kenny was cursing to himself now and again from whatever repairs were proving a challenge. A healthy AJ, a frustrated Kenny, things were back to normal. Just like the good old days.

A hefty _clunk_ later, the repairman wandered over to the door and put a hand on the keys, ready to try the ignition again. For a few moments, he was as still as a stature, where his eyes never strayed away from the dash, or more specifically, her hat. She opened her mouth to speak but was beaten to the punch. “Hey, Clem?”

The effects of the lake lingered over him as the keys rattled from his shaking hands. “Kenny, are you okay?”

His voice was low, uncertainty slipped into every word as he spoke. “Clementine, you were tellin’ me the truth when you said you bein’ sick wasn’t because’a that bite, right?”

With a baby in her arms and Kenny in distress, a switch naturally flipped inside of her for Clementine’s mothering mode to come into play. Providing the most comforting smile possible, she assured him, “I was, Kenny. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: I wouldn’t dream of ever lying to you about this. There’s nothing to worry about, really. I’ve already proved it can’t be the bite, remember?”

He was visibly torn. Behind all of that stubbornness for believing people would be okay, in reality it was only a front. He was the one worrying the most out of everyone, though, as she’d unfortunately found out, he often lacked the courage to act upon it. And with there not being a damn thing he could do about a bite after this long, he was subjected to a grey area of constant worry battling his last remaining hopes. “I… I know, but…” Sighing, he had no choice but to put every shred of faith he had in her. “You promise me you’re not infected? You promise me there ain’t a chance in hell you’re gonna turn the next time you fall sleep? Or pass out? Or anything?”

A loving smile shaped her lips. Her memory called back to convincing him the first time. “I already have, haven’t I? And I’ll do it again. If it makes you feel better, I’ll make it a double promise. Kenny, I promise you I’m not infected. I might be infected with _something_ right now, but it’s not _that_. I double promise. I can even triple it if you want me to,” she considerately teased. Her heart melted; he was the only one to ever be this overly concerned for her. In him could she only see a reflection of herself towards raising AJ for all those years, but also another reminder of her parents. But before she had the time to think about that, Kenny wouldn’t be sure enough until she was healthy again but was satisfied enough to move onto another topic.

“You remember when we sat down at that Ski Lodge, and I told you of how I got out of Savannah?”

How could she ever forget the day they reunited? “Yep. Sure do.”

“So, with your bite… You, what? You just got lucky?”

…

“…_Lucky_?” Her voice sunk through depths of aversion. The word drained the happiness from her, leaving behind only disdain and bitterness for the world, though she couldn’t explain why. Self-awareness seemed to rid her of the thoughts, but for a brief moment, Clementine felt a surge of anger spike from the corrupted side of her mind last seen in the face of her daydreams about Louis’ torture. That, and an emptiness she hadn’t felt since… AJ died.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean nothin’ by it, hon,” Kenny apologised in response to her sudden change in attitude, snapping her out of her own set of daydreams. “I just thought it’d be nice speculatin’. Like, you might be immune or somethin’. Sorry if you don’t wanna talk about it, I just can’t help but wonder whether or not you figured out a way to stop the infection, you know? Or if it’s just takin’ a real long time to…” he trailed off, caught between denial and facing the reality of his fears.

_Yeah… I, or rather, **he** figured out to stop the infection all right… with the bloody end of an axe_, she thought, looking down into her saviour’s eyes. Kenny might’ve actually raised a good point… Before AJ performed the amputation, whatever infection came from the walkers was inside of her. She’d never really thought about it before, but now that she was, her heart beat as if the teeth hand sunk through her skin again. The same thing that killed Lee, Duck, so many people she cared about, was _inside_ her.

She shook the thoughts from her mind after the discovery that formerly retired nerves didn’t mix well with the volcano that was her stomach thanks to a deep warning grumble. Out of all the horrors forced upon her since her parents left for Savannah, calling herself lucky might’ve unintentional been one of the worst insults she’d ever heard. It struck a chord in her as if Louis’ deliberately played a wrong note - out of place, and out of tune. Though whereas Louis’ antics could infuriate her, Kenny was right. She got _very_ lucky in that barn. Whether it was an outlier in her combat record or not, she didn’t even want to think if it correlated to her other means of survival. With all the people who’d died around her or the amount of close calls knocking at death’s door, there was no way she could ever be considered ‘lucky’.

…Right?

“Uh… Even if I was immune or whatever, I don’t think I’d really want to go testing it out,” she forced herself to say upon seeing Kenny turning the keys in the ignition because of her lengthy silence.

“I know…” he said between the growing rumbles behind the windshield, “It’s just somethin’ we can hope for if the worst happens. Or happens _again_ in your case.” After a few more turns, his frustration with the broken vehicle was rewarded with a mighty roar from the engine. “Yes! Goddamn!”

“Good job, Kenny,” she congratulated, without ever having a single doubt about his ability.

He stood by the door, looking rather proud of his work. “Thanks for the tip on the battery. Think that saved us a bit’a time. Since when did you know a thing or two about fixin’ up a wreck?”

Spending over a year of her life with him and having to maintain the same car for a few years might’ve helped just a little bit. Before she had the chance to respond, the door to the house swung open as Mike and Jane both ran over, giving Clementine a pair of rather concerned glances as they stopped. She sent them straight back where they came from with a great deal of hostility sprinkled in. Making sure they got the idea, she then faced forwards towards the now visible forest with no intention of sparing them a care for what they had to say. Her grip of AJ became ever so slightly stronger at the uneasy feeling in her chest.

“It works?”

“What’d I tell ya?”

Lost in a world of her own thoughts, their conversation muffled as if it was played behind a wall of glass. Mike and Jane were trying to form some kind of plan.

The former started them off. “So, what’s the plan?”

“How much food do we have?” Jane inquired.

Breaking her view away from the greenery, Clem comforted the baby in her arms who was on the verge of breaking into a loud cry. “There there, AJ… It’s okay…”

“At least a week.”

“And for the baby?”

“…Not much.”

“We should head back south.”

Kenny finally jumped in, surprised at Jane’s idea. “What?”

“We’re gonna freeze to death. I don’t know whose stupid idea it was to march up here in the first place, but it was a bad one.”

“She’s right,” Mike agreed.

“What if we went back to Howe’s?”

“Wait, what? Fuck that. I was thinkin’ more like Texas.”

Managing to calm AJ down despite the growing tensions of the group, Clementine couldn’t help but feel something strikingly familiar about her current situation. Not in the sense of living the same events again, but something else entirely. Being sat in that car seat, listening to others form a plan, it was the exact same as her involvement at the motor inn. She felt like an outsider. Unwelcome. Someone else should’ve been in her place. As with the motor inn, it was the same certain someone who’s blood would be left to sink between the planks of a treehouse, whose death was built upon the trust of a lie. Her lie. One she could never amend. It had to be done, but…

Her mind drew blank. Out of all the crazy thing’s that’d happened since waking up in her old home, she wondered why memories of – one way or another - shooting herself came back here of all places. Maybe it was because of AJ. Who knew? All she could think about now was that poor kid’s face. That was enough to firmly apply the brakes on her train of thought.

Familiarity aside, being here felt different, though she wasn’t quite sure how.

With the conversational war still raging on outside, Kenny didn’t approve of either suggestion. “Texas? The fuck?”

“It was just an idea,” Mike replied in defence.

“We already talked about this!”

“I’m sorry, we did?”

“We’re goin’ to find Wellington, right Clem?”

…

“_Right, Clem_?”

She had to blink a few times. “Huh?” To her left behind the car door was Kenny with his arms tightly crossed, giving her a look that demanded an answer. For some odd reason, she found that a little bit funny, or _interesting_ for better use of a word. Two years later into the apocalypse, and there were two sides to the man. The first being the one she’d seen before the frozen lake and during the car repairs. This was the calmer, more rational, maybe even open-minded side only found in the comfort of his family. The other, being this. Hot-headed. Snappy. In a lot of ways, both sides reminded her of herself. So far at the motor inn, she’d seen a whole lot less of this second side. Maybe it wasn’t really there and only came to fruition after the death of Katjaa and Duck. Who really knew? Again, her mind went completely blank.

Oh right, he wanted to know about Wellington. His stare was only getting fiercer, so she guessed it’d be best to stay on topic. Wellington. She knew how all that went. They’d get the supplies, but that’s about it. Was it worth everything they lost on the way? That moment at the gates was one of her most cherished memories. Was it right to rip that away from him? So many thoughts, yet so little answers.

“Wellington… is it really worth it?” Clem found herself thinking out loud. She turned back to face Kenny. She wished she hadn’t.

For the first few seconds they matched each other’s gaze, her mind stayed utterly blank. A stainless sheet of pure white, without a colour in sight. In his eyes she could only see a reflection of her own fury. Her comment opposed his plan, rendering it obsolete. She knew exactly what that was like, and now, for once she was on the other end of it. For the first few seconds, the paper stood tall amongst the fire of his rage, yet it refused to burn. It just stayed blank. Completely blank. She tried to breathe.

And then it hit her. She hadn’t felt this in a _long_ time. The smoke of the paper filled her lungs as it burned like a forest fire. His stare dug through layers upon layers of survival experience and maturity until it finally reached the heart of the little girl hiding behind the woman she was forced to grow into. Kenny achieved a direct hit on the nerves of fear she’d buried long ago. They spread across every inch of her body, the blank portrait of paper quickly deforming into a mound of ash. Seeing what happened to Jane, Arvo, maybe even Carver, and despite all the love she had for the man… a part of her was fucking terrified of siding against him, _especially_ when he was in such a broken state. With that fear being left unguarded for however many years, it proved to be an all too easy target. It hit her. Hard.

“Woah… Clem? You okay?”

Clementine gasped for clean air. She winced as her gut twisted like a sponge, wringing it of any liquid. It didn’t trigger anything to simply fall out, however, but rather, was the cause for an eruption. Her head flung out the side of the car.

“Clem! Oh God, not again!”

“Fuck! What the hell happened?!”

“Jesus…”

Three individual voices called out to her following a splash against the settled snow. The fire spread all throughout her burdened throat. Her stomach became the source of not only her “illness’” produce but also the mainframe of a vicious cramp as it wringed every last drop of it out. One of her arms violently shook as it tried to keep the baby boy from falling while the other clung onto the inner door handle.

“Clem!”

She looked down at the pool from her stomach she’d come to expect, but also the sight of her own blood. She coughed as it trickled down the back of her throat, spraying whatever leftovers remained straight to their destination. Oh fuck… That hadn’t happened in a while, and not in this body either. She was getting worse, wherever she went. After seeing it for herself, it only then occurred to her how much it hurt. It was like her mouth was being forcibly dragged downwards by her stomach, inflicting a rope burn’s blaze on her organs as it tugged.

And despite the glaring danger in front of her, there was only one thing her mind’s alarm bells were ringing. “I’m sorry, Kenny… I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean it, I swear-” the sound of her own splutters cut her off. She had to apologise. The reawakened trauma convinced her that his forgiveness meant life or death.

“Jesus Christ, we gotta get her inside!”

“Yeah… yeah you’re right!” Mike stepped forward, to which she shot him a threatening scowl. Even like this, she didn’t want the help of scumbags. Ironically, the only person who she was comfortable with was the very person at the heart of her problems. “Shit… she’s gonna kill us if we carry her. Kenny, man, this is all you. We’ll get a fire started inside.” Mike and Jane both took off for the house, leaving Kenny, Clem, and AJ alone once again.

The father reached out, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Clem, Jesus, are you all right?”

Steeling herself, she looked into his eyes in hopes it would aid her pleas. “I didn’t mean it. I _really_ didn’t mean it. I swear. I- we should definitely go to W-Wellington-”

“Clem, what the hell’s gotten into you?” He worriedly asked, analysing every inch of her face trying to find an answer. “Ever since the power station you’ve been actin’ different, but this is-!” He suddenly stopped, as if an epiphany hit him straight in the face. His eyes narrowed as the sunk to the floor. “This is my fault, ain’t it?”

“Kenny, I’m…”

“It’s all right, sweetie.” Without another moment of hesitation, he wrapped his arms under her back and legs and lifted, carefully making sure she didn’t drop AJ in the process. “We’re gonna get you by the fire, and you’re gonna rest up, okay?”

An unquenchable thirst scratched her dry throat. On the count of each heavy breath, she felt herself quickly drifting into unconsciousness. But before she could, Clementine tried one more time. “I’m really, really sorry. I am. I really am…”

He looked down on her with sad eyes, guilt finding another reason to mentally crush him. “…You got nothin’ to be sorry for, Clementine.”

Her vision faded to black, all she could hear was the sound of a door opening and the footsteps taking her to the fireplace.

“This is all my doin’.”

***

The crackling of firewood from behind greeted the sick teen as she woke from the unintended slumber. With such a similar sound and environment, she hoped to open her eyes to the power station for a moment’s peace. Instead, she found the unfinished house under the moonlight’s faded hue to be empty apart the man whose head was buried beneath his hands, and the baby lay in the wooden crate next to him on the same bench.

Untrusting nerves spikes in her stomach at the initial sight of him, of which quickly learned to die down once she realised how trigger-happy her sick machine could be. Any recovery from passing out aside, it was already showing signs of use through the persistent aching in the area making it difficult to move; any more trouble could turn a poor outcome into something catastrophic. Plus, she was practically an expert on all things Kenny. His body language told her everything she needed to know that he wouldn’t be a threat, as troubling as it was needing to think about him like that in the first place. Feeling too heavy to push herself up, she opted to tilt her head in his direction. “Kenny?”

“Clem? Oh, Thank God…” He immediately rushed to her side to check on her. “You okay? D’you still feel sick at all?”

“I’m fine…” Her scratchy voice did nothing to back up the claim. Rubbing a hand around the front of her neck, she admitted, “Actually… I’m really thirsty, is there anything to-” she coughed against the raised hand, miniscule droplets of blood finding a new home on her skin, “-anything to drink?”

“Yeah, yeah, there’s… there’s gotta be a… I-I’ll go find somethin’. Wait here.” He took off, his heavy footsteps allowing her to track wherever he went. Eventually, after a moment of quiet, she saw him with a canteen in hand taking on a jog towards the lake. Guess that was all they had.

Realising she was alone, Clem looked up at the wooden crate. AJ… Whatever was happening to her, she wanted to spend every last second she had with the child together again. Dragging herself forward, the crate soon met the ground where Clem steadily brought the sleeping boy into her arms once more and pressed her back nearby the fireplace. If she wasn’t going to allow herself to cry in front of him, then her heart would do it instead. Her arms tensed as she could feel her heartbeat reaching out to him through the walls of her chest. She didn’t want to let go ever again. She just wanted to sit there. For a really long time. Together. Like he once asked.

To watch him grow taller, everyday…

To hear his laughter as they played…

To feel his arms surround her, for nothing more than the love shared between the mother and son.

She couldn’t stop a tear or two from falling after all. As nice as this moment was, she knew it wouldn’t last. Pretty soon she’d wake up back in that dusty motel room. For as long as her hopes would make this moment last an eternity, AJ would soon be banished into nihility. That’s what the pattern followed so far, anyway. Only now, she was foolish enough to become attached to a world she couldn’t live in.

“I just want you back AJ, I love you so much…”

Somehow, the knowledge of their limited time together hurt more than not having him at all. The world was teasing her a hope, letting her indulge in it, then being cruel enough to tear it all away so it could laugh at her forlorn acceptance. That’s what she believed, anyway. And yet, still she would continue holding onto AJ for as long as the show went on. Funny, isn’t it? Being with him would only set herself up for disaster, and at the same time, it was all she had. Whoever was subjecting her to these twisted tricks, she was playing right into their hand. So much so, her desperation had created an entirely new hope of its own.

Maybe it wasn’t foolish. Being here with AJ, this is what she and Louis had planned, right? They weren’t exactly back at Ericson’s preparing for Lilly’s raid, but it was following the plan, nonetheless. Unlike the motor inn, here it’d somewhat worked. Even the circumstances around her last venture into this frozen forest was different: this time she’d fallen asleep and awoke in the same place. That was new. Then again, she never really fell asleep in the first place before the frozen lake, whatever caused to go back just, well, ‘happened’.

The brunette let out a lengthy, hopeless sigh. _Why does this have to be so confusing… I just want AJ back like how we planned. Just tell me if I can’t or can’t have him already, I can’t keep this up anymore._

“Clem, what’s wrong?” Kenny worriedly asked as he placed the canteen on the floor next to where she lay. “Here you go, darlin’. It might be a little cold, but… you use as much as you need. If you need any more, just say and I’ll go refill it,” he offered, being as easy for her to read as ever with his actions driven by the guilt displayed through his eye.

“Thanks.” Her gaze landed back on the literal embodiment of her life’s work. With the thought of being separated from him being right around the corner, her voice was gravelly despite the water’s refreshment after taking a small sip. “No. I’m not all right.”

The tired mother’s desires to vent everything off her chest was materialised by a heavy silence. How could she? The only person who could possibly understand her pain was so, _so_ far away in a hidden boarding school going by the name Ericson’s, and even then, she didn’t know the story from his end. Everything was just…

“You… wanna talk about it?”

She shook her head. “…No.” Her sorry stare that’d been fixed on AJ turned to the fisherman. “What about you? You feel bad about getting angry at me, don’t you?” From the way his face fell, Clementine knew they were both down in the dumps. She patted the ground to her left. “I know, all right? It’s okay. Come on, sit with me.” Without the energy to be surprised by her maturity, he simply accepted the offer and took a seat, leaving only a small gap between them. “You can be honest with me. Whatever you were thinking, I know you didn’t mean it.”

He shifted in a place a little, resting his arms on his bent knees. “I’m uh, not gonna catch whatever bug you’ve got sittin’ next to ya, am I?”

“No. I’m pretty sure it’s not even a bug, more like…” She came to a brief silence, not caring enough to bother explaining something she didn’t know. Giving her hidden New Frontier badge a quick scratch, she tried changing the subject. “…Nevermind. It doesn’t really matter. Don’t stall, Kenny, just tell me what’s on your mind.”

A sigh was all he could do to prepare for venting to a little girl. A near 50-year-old man unloading his problems onto (from his point of view) an 11-year-old? She assumed that was a little awkward. “All right… You were right about me, about my temper. You said before the lake you wanted to help, but… First after Sarita was bit… and now again earlier when I scared you to death. I’m so sorry. I want what’s best for ya, the two of you, so when said that thing about Wellington I… I don’t know what came over me. You’re pale as it is, and when I saw the colour drain from your face, I realised I hurt the only person who’s trying to help me. I’m so sorry.”

Her brow furrowed; her thoughts focused on why her reaction to his rage was so bad. “I don’t know what came over me, either. I know you’d never really hurt me.” Their experience at the gates of Wellington came to mind. “You’d give everything to make sure we were safe, so why…?”

She was already scared of herself, what she was capable of. When Clementine saw a part of, or all of herself in his rage, Kenny became a mirror, making her able to see what it was like for the others. Combine mental instability with a track record of excessive brutality, and the result is what she found out to be terrifying. Was that what it was like for Lee in the drug store? The answer was impossible to deny. She and Kenny here were all too alike in the worst way possible.

His gaze fell to the ground. “I’m startin’ to think I ain’t fit to take care of y’all anymore. You two would be better off without me.”

“Don’t say that,” she grumbled, the hiss of her voice only being directed at herself. Only her imagination could show how much better AJ’s life would’ve been better with his help, someone who actually knew how to raise a child. He probably wouldn’t have been exposed to so much trauma, but more importantly than anything, he wouldn’t be dead. Simple as that. She wouldn’t need to be here. Making such a statement unintentional taunted her.

Clementine released the hint of frustration in a deep breath. Scooting closer to him, she wrapped her left arm around him, resting her head on the side of his chest. Empathy shaped her tone in an effort to comfort him. “You’ve got problems, but so do all of us. I’m just as bad. That doesn’t mean I’m gonna give up on you. I need you. AJ… needs you. Please, don’t ever say you’re not good enough. I meant what I said. We’ll help each other.” Her eyes rested on the baby the two cared for so dearly, the failed mother doing nothing to hide the self-disappointment from pulling down the corners of her lips. “Besides, I wasn’t ready- I’m not ready to raise him. Especially not alone…”

“Hmph. I’ve seen you take care of yourself better than any four adults put together. But, uh, thanks for saying that, Clem. I mean it.” She felt an arm almost hesitantly move across her back, and eventually a hand planting itself around her right shoulder. Clementine made a ghost of a smile as his head tilted slightly towards her own. No matter the circumstances, the comfort of sharing his embrace always soothed her troubled heart and mind. “You know, seein’ you today around AJ… The way you hold him, want to be with him, protect him…” His voice dropped to just above a whisper before falling off completely. A beat passed before he painfully revealed, “It reminds me of how Kat was when Duck first showed up. I didn’t have a clue how to act, but _she_…” The two locked eyes, Kenny finding a genuine smile despite the memories. “You’re just like her. Unlike her though, you’re… you’re fit for this world. You’re a natural born mother, Clementine. I wouldn’t trust AJ with anyone else.”

She didn’t know whether to smile or cry. It would’ve been everything she wanted to hear, if not for the harsh reality tainting those very words. A reality no-one but herself and Louis would ever know about. That only made it worse. A forgotten past would live on in her memories until the day she died, but even as it stood tall making her see the error of her old ways, she couldn’t overlook the hope Kenny was trying to create for her in this new future. For someone to still believe in her, aware of even a fraction of the trauma overriding her persona, was uplifting at the very least, no matter the amount of guilt trying to convince her otherwise.

Well, that was if the guilt was unable to consume any positivity mindset she had, anyway. One way or another, it all looped back to the one and only truth that AJ died under her care. Caught in the conflict of emotions, she forced a weak smile, though trapped within the boundaries of a monotone voice. “Thanks, Kenny.”

The two sat in silence, listening to the crackling of firewood behind them. After some time, Clem looked out by the ‘windows’ to see snow beginning to fall onto the nearby trees and doorway of the house. The night had become so peaceful. It beat waving a gun around at Jane by a country mile. The falling snow shined a light on the warmth of the fireplace and their shared embrace. She shifted closer, if only closing the gap of mere millimetres, feeling a small, yet sharp sting in her stomach as she did.

Her dreams of the two at the power station sprung to mind. With so many similarities between them and the night, she could finally form a genuine smile. “Hey, Kenny?”

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to say, I-” Clementine was once again cut short by a set of her own coughs. The sting in her stomach became stabs through each one as it shot tiny droplets of blood out again onto her outstretched legs. “_Ugh… Dammit_…” She winced, letting AJ rest on her lap while taking hold of the flask and bringing it to her lips. The multiple gulps of water acted like spring cleaning through her battered system, but man, was Kenny right. It was more than a little cold. The two sources of heat close by couldn’t prevent the shiver running through her body in response. Kenny noticed before she could take another sip.

“Oh, are you cold, darlin’? Hold up, I’ll find you a blanket or somethin’.”

“No, Kenny, you don’t…” He’d already taken off before she could finish. Soon enough he appeared in front of the main entrance again, though looking fairly disappointed in himself as he returned bare handed. When Arvo meant the house was empty, bar the two bags of supplies, he meant it was _empty_.

Looking over himself, he seemed to find the answer to his dilemma. “Well, it worked once. Can work just as well a second time.” Clem put the flask down and raised AJ as Kenny slung off his jacket, draping it over her as if he were tucking her into bed before retaking his seat. It might not’ve seemed like much to him, but for the orphaned survivor, it was a comfort she’d long since forgotten outside of her dreams. The gesture warmed her heart; she couldn’t remember the last time someone treated her like this. Actually, there was one time: when Lee once came to give her an evening meal not too long ago. But that was different.

Survival’s dependence on living as a hardened warrior couldn’t hide her deeply rooted love for such innocent care towards her. The tougher she became, the more her desire to live her stolen childhood grew stronger. Lie upon lie she would tell herself while the wish remained the same. Lies that’d kept her alive, but nothing more than that.

Ironically, raising AJ alone robbed her off that very wish. The last people to treat her like a child, other than Kenny of course, was… her parents.

“What’s the matter, sweetie?”

“It’s nothing…”

“Clem…” He wasn’t convinced. She didn’t know if she had the right to go as far as to label herself as ‘depressed’ in times like these, but for now, she wasn’t doing anything to combat whatever sadness her inner monologues brought on from sinking into her features. “It’s gettin’ late. I’ll stay up and make sure nothin’ happens to you or AJ while you get some beauty sleep, if that’s what you want.”

Her eyes lazily drifted from corner to corner of the dimly lit house, the only thing on her mind being the chance of sleep being the go-ahead for returning to the motel. Her voice carried the weight of her thoughts through a rumble deep enough to harmonise with the crackling firewood. “What’s the point? Whatever I want won’t matter.” She automatically looked back up at Kenny, who was visibly caught off-guard by the statement. She might’ve been a bit surprised herself. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so… _depressing_ there.”

“You know…” Glancing down towards AJ, the shock quickly wore off as he mentally debated his next words. It was like a sorrowful version of his ‘decision making face’, though she wasn’t sure why she made such an observation. For some reason, there was no one quite like him who made their inner-debates so obvious to the world. Wondering what would come next, she patiently waited for him to continue.

“Ever since we met up back at that Ski Lodge, Clementine… all you’ve done is listen to me yammer on and on about my problems, just like you are now. I know you don’t wanna talk about yours… and I know you think it don’t matter, but… Why don’t you tell me what you want for a change? It don’t have to be fancy, all you gotta do is be honest.”

“You wanna know what I want? What I really want?” she asked, looking to confirm how serious the offer was. Receiving a nod in return, she sought to finally get something off her chest. “Okay, fine…”

If it didn’t have to be fancy, it wasn’t going to _be_ fancy. When it came to her personal wants, her eyes were naturally drawn to AJ. That was it, really. That was the entire plan: to bring AJ back. Here, that’s exactly what’d happened. Her little ball of sunshine shined as bright as ever. That was the light she’d relied on for so many years, and now that it was back, she never wanted to look away ever again.

But on the other hand, part of her couldn’t ignore everything leading up to this point. The motor inn. For the price of AJ, she had Lee, Katjaa and Duck. Time travel bullshit aside, she wanted both parties to live. Two sides, and only being able to effect one, or at least, one at a time. A situation claiming the rights to so much of her trauma. It would be fine if she regularly went back and forth, but now she was clueless about where she’d end up tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day after that. It was all too confusing.

But if her choice came down to picking just one of them, ultimately, she knew where her heart wanted to be.

[ Stay with Kenny and AJ ] [ Go back to the motor inn ]

<strike>As hard a pill as it was to swallow, she was positive this wouldn’t last. Back at the motor inn, all her old friends treated her so well despite her faults. There, she was making a new family for herself, and one she couldn’t turn her back on after everything they’d done for her. If she were to truly accept AJ was gone, this is what needed to be done. That’s what she thought, at least. It was a gift she was ever so grateful for, but holding AJ closer one last time, she arrived at a decision. “I want to get a good night’s sleep. I know it’s probably not what you want to hear… but there’s things I need to do when I wake up.” And it was then she remembered a promise. A promise made to Kenny to protect his wife and child. With that just coming to mind, it solidified her choice. Getting herself comfy, she prepared for the return while the man beside her offered a piece of advice.</strike>

<strike>“[REDACTED]”</strike>

“Kenny?”

“You can tell me, Clem. Go on.”

“I want to stay here. With you, and AJ…”

He raised an eyebrow. “You mean here, as in, _here_? At this house?”

“No, I mean…” She held AJ tighter against her chest. Her mind may disagree to an extent but judging by the warmth pulsing through her with every beat, this is exactly where her heart felt most alive. No tightening or uneasiness in her chest to be found; when Clementine was with AJ, her cautious restraints opened like a blossoming flower, allowing her to feely express the joy and love those around her could bring. _That_ was what felt different about being here than the motor inn. Where she was a member of a larger group in both, it was here that she really felt like part of a family, as if those days camping outside Wellington had never ended. A man she could call a father. A baby she could call a son. They could even make their way over to Ericson’s and find a boy she could call her first love. Thinking about it like that, it solidified her choice. “I want all of us to stay together. Wherever we go. I want to see you happy again. I want to see AJ grow tall… taller than I’ll ever be, hopefully. Does that, uh… answer your question?”

For a few moments, he didn’t say a word, her answer swirling in his mind as if she were still talking. During the silence, it was then she remembered something that’d been on her mind ever since returning to her old home. Something only he could help her with.

“Yeah… Yeah it does. You got nothin’ to worry about, hon. Me and you, we’re gonna-”

“Actually-”

_A man I can call a father._

“-there’s _one_ more thing.”

“You got somethin’ else? What’s that, darlin’?”

Here, she finally could. The two knew each other, they’d sworn to protect a child together… This was the only real chance she was going to get, if not just to try it. Yeah, she was definitely going to do it! Looking deep into his eyes, Clementine spoke from the heart with all the innocence of a child.

“I don’t really know how to say this, so I’m just gonna say it. Can I… maybe… call you ‘dad’?”

It took a few seconds to process, but eventually his eye slowly went wide as the realisation started to kick in. His voice faded in disbelief, becoming barely audible as he tried to confirm the truth of her feelings. “You want me to be your father? You… want me to adopt you?”

Adoption… That was the legal, or rather, ‘official’ process people used before the apocalypse, right? It hadn’t sprung to mind, but now that he mentioned it, it sounded too good to be true. With a simple nod, a pure, beaming smile grew on her lips. “I do.”

Kenny stared at the floor in front of them though entirely unfocused as if he were dreaming. There it remained fixed to the spot, until rapidly flickering back and forth at her before coming to his senses. Senses that hit him like a goddamn truck. “Uh- Yes!” he almost shouted, matching her bright expression. “Yes, of course I will! We don’t got the paperwork, but uh,” Kenny joked, pulling her closer as he began falling into a fit of giggles from his excitement, “I’d be more than happy to! I’d… I’d be honoured to call you my daughter, Clementine.”

The whites of her teeth were on display for all the world to see. Having AJ back and being able to say she was someone’s daughter again was just… She didn’t know how to handle it. All she did know, was that it was all thanks to him. That couldn’t go unmerited, and why not take her new word for a spin at the same time? “Thanks… _dad_.”

Her heart raced against her chest. Just one little word was enough to make the toughened survivor feel like a little girl bouncing off the walls of an amusement park. She wanted to repeat it a million times, joining Kenny in his laughter as she did, in fact, start repeating it a million times under her breath. “Dad… daddy…” All the words that meant for someone to protect her with their life, she wanted to say them all now that it was real. She didn’t get very far however, as sniff after sniff joined the fireplace in the soundtrack to their heartfelt moment together. “Kenny, why’re you crying?”

When she saw his face covered by the visor of his hat with his free hand shielding his pouring eye (though not hiding the stream flowing from his eyepatch), she realised it must’ve meant more to him than initially imagined, maybe even more than it meant to herself. “Sorry, it’s just… what you said earlier, about you lovin’ me… and now this, I… I didn’t think today would turn out the way it did. I wasn’t prepared for _this_ at all. After losin’ Duck, I never thought I’d live to see another day where I had a child again…” He wiped the tears from his eye, doing his best to show off the pride under the rollercoaster of emotions weighing it down. “I’m gettin’ old, Clem. If you keep this up, you’re gonna give me a heart attack!”

Speaking of getting old… The deep red hue of the fire shined a light on the distinct difference between his appearance here and the motor inn. She would’ve used a hand to hide her laugh, if not for them both being occupied.

“Hey… why are you lookin’ at me like that? What’s so funny?”

“You’re going grey!”

“Wh- _Hey_!”

Their laughter continued into the night. A father and a son to her name… Somewhere out there, even a boyfriend, too. How good was that? The best. Ever. Before long, the fireplace was the only source of light as their surroundings faded to a midnight black. Clem would’ve had this moment last forever, but Kenny on the other hand still had his eyes on the future. “It’s gettin’ real late, the others have prob’ly been listenin’ to us this whole time. We should get to bed. Gonna have to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed if we’re ever gonna find a place for this kid,” he emphasised with a hint of disappointment, to which she shared. “Actually uh, go on and get some sleep, Clem. I’d feel better watchin’ to make sure nothin’ happens to you. I’ll keep watch.”

“Screw the others,” the newly adopted teen refuted. “I don’t give a damn what they think. Besides, you don’t have to look over me. I’ll stay up… I just wanna stay, that’s all…”

“Clem…” Kenny sighed. “You really need to get some rest, okay? You’re in no condition to do anythin’ tomorrow. Once we got outta the lake, I spent what must’a been the most of half an hour goin’ back and forth cleaning my sleeve ‘cus I didn’t have nothin’ else to stop your nose from bleedin’. You got the Niagara Falls from hell up there, Jesus…”

“You- You did?” She asked out of surprise for his efforts over the recurring health warning.

“Yeah. So that’s why I’m gonna keep an eye open-” He stopped bitterly, out of the distaste for his late injury. “So that’s why I’m gonna _keep_ _a look out_. You can nod off here if you want. You want me to take the baby?”

Seeing no way to argue against him on this, her disappointment for this beautiful peace coming to an end dragged her uplifted voice all the way down. “No, I wanna hold him… for as long as I can. Can I do that, please?”

He gave an understanding nod, though without ever being able to truly understand her reasoning. “Sure. I’ll see you in the mornin’. Goodnight, Clementine.”

She kept each arm wrapped around her loved ones firmly in place as if she were holding onto them against whatever cruel trick may drag her away. The very thought struck the nerves of her feeble stomach. Annoying as it was to incite the nausea tormenting her around every corner, it did however, remind her of something. She closed her eyes, whispering Kenny a final warning before letting fate play its game.

“If you’re going to stay up, be careful. They’re going to betray us. All of them. One by one. Mike, Arvo and then Jane. Watch out for them. But whatever happens, please don’t let yourself get hurt. That’s all I ask.”

“Clem, what’re you…”

“And _don’t_ let them take AJ. I’m counting on you…”

Settling her nerves as best she could, the brunette got as comfortable as leaning besides a soothing fire could be. Choosing between families was wrong, _so_ wrong, but in the end, AJ was where it mattered most as it always had. Planting a kiss on his forehead, she breathed a quiet, “I love you, AJ,” before allowing herself to slip into the uncertainty of sleep.

…

… …

… … …

**(?) Kenny will remember that**

***

Lee slammed his finger on the button, scraping the top of his mission’s low volume limit as his patience ran thin.

“Kenny, where the hell’s that escort?”

_Warner Robins Air Force Base, 2003_

“Give me a minute, would ya? God. The piece of shit wouldn’t start; if you wanna blame somethin’, blame the truck,” Kenny’s voice played through the receiver. Putting the walkie-talkie back in his pocket with a scoff, Lee turned his attention to his newest ally, of whom didn’t sound too impressed with their planning.

“Your buddy better get here soon, otherwise we’re toast.”

Mark. A man in his mid-30s, sporting a pair of square glasses and a black jacket proudly displaying the base’s logo on the back. Also, the group’s saviour if all went to plan. Following Lilly’s instructions - and Clementine’s approval, apparently – Kenny and Lee investigated the area, stumbling upon the lone survivor when they hid from a swarm of walkers. The place was completely overrun. They didn’t just find Mark, oh no, they found what’d kept him alive being stuck in the same room for however many days: the entire base’s supply of commissary food.

Kenny volunteered to run back and get the truck. With _this_ amount of food, they sure as hell weren’t dragging it all the way back. From a rough guess, it could last for maybe two whole months. So now, stuck in a dark empty room with hands on both sides of a bag chock full of food, Mark and Lee patiently waited in the temporary safe zone for an extraction.

With counting the growing moans of the dead being the only form of telling the time they had, they waited for what felt like an eternity before the radio buzzed on his side. “Alright, I’m here! Now get a move on! Those things’ve already got their sights on me!”

“Guess that’s our que,” Mark commented while putting a hand on the door, a fire axe dangling above the floor in the other. They were right outside, and there was no other way out. Lee was fully prepared to kiss his ass goodbye, but not if that meant the sick kid he was ‘trying’ to protect wouldn’t be getting a meal. “You ready?”

Taking a deep breath, his nails dug through the material in his tight grip of the bag. “Ready.”

The door swung open, and the two bolted through the ray of bright light now flooding the darkened room, bolting as much as you can while dragging a heavy bag of supplies, anyway.

Lee could hear the splitting of a skull as Mark immediately swung the axe to his right. A walker appeared from the other side of the door, closing in on their new ally, fast. Dropping the bag, the walker stumbled a foot away from its target as the convicted criminal rushed forward, shoving the walking corpse to the ground. “Kill it!” he shouted, and its head soon split in two against the concrete floor.

The sound of an engine directing their next move. Without any time to think, Mark tossed Lee the axe and grabbed the bag. “I know the fastest way there. We’ll have to circle around the building to the opening in the fence. Then, we should have a clear route to the car. Clear a path for me!” Time to form a plan expired as walkers appearing around the side of the building. “Fuck! Come on, this way!”

Heading in the opposite direction, Lee acted as a bodyguard to the bag carrier, killing the odd idle walker who stood in their way. Using speed to their advantage, they quickly reached an opening in the fence, guarded by two walkers wearing the same Warner Robin’s uniform as Mark.

Lee, noticing a slight hesitation from the former employee, charged towards the leftmost walker. It was taken down with a quick and clean chop, though not without danger as the second latched onto his arms, beginning a deadly game of tug-of-war. Being caught by surprise, it was as if he was possessed, as a surge of strength began rallying behind him from out of nowhere. Steadying himself against its manic grip, he managed to pull his arms free, and as it flung itself forward with sights set on his neck, Lee used the same method of shoving the walker to the ground.

It growled back as he stood tall, axe in hand, taking heavy breathes to prep himself for the kill. _A strike to the head… Just like Clem does!_ he thought for motivation, taking his mind momentarily back to the farm and drug store before drenching the metallic white end of the axe in blood. She made it look way too easy.

“Hurry the fuck up!” Kenny’s voice screamed through the radio.

With a clear path, the pair traced the fence perimeter until they turned a corner where their sights landed on Kenny. “There, go!” Legions of walkers stood on the other side of the tall iron wall, the constant banging and growing sways of the only thing separating the living and the dead spurring them to run faster.

“Throw the food in the back and get your asses in here, now!” Kenny bellowed from the driver’s seat. Following instruction, Mark threw the bag into the bed with a _thud_ before the two clambered into the back seats. With no time left to waste, Kenny reversed the car away from the tipping fence. An impressive 180° turn later, and the small group were full steam ahead on the road back to the motel.

Quick to initiate conversation, Kenny, who for whatever reason recently stopped wearing his signature hat, inquired about the results of their plunder. “Fuckin’. Hell. That place was packed. So how’d we make out? Did you get everything there from when I last saw it?”

“Sure did,” Lee replied with a relieved smile. “Mark here makes for one excellent supply runner. Didn’t let a single sandwich fall out.”

Humble as he was, Mark played down his assistance for the group. “I’m just glad I could you guys out. Thank God you showed up today, I don’t think I could’ve survived another day of corpses being my alarm clock.”

In his humble opinion, they couldn’t have come across anyone better at that base. Mark seemed level-headed and calm under pressure, and God knows they could use a bit of that back home. “Like we said, we’ll take you back to our group and hopefully you’ll fit in well. You’ve more than earned it with everything you’ve offered us.”

Looking rather pleased with his fortune, Mark relaxed in his seat as if he hadn’t found a moment of peace for days, which was probably true, actually. “Thanks, Lee. It probably would’ve rotted away before I could eat most of it. Who’s in this group of yours, anyway? Would probably be best if I knew a few names off the bat.”

Kenny started them off. “Right, so obviously you already know me and Lee, I’ve got-”

“Woah, Kenny, you okay man?” Lee worriedly interrupted. With one hand on the steering wheel, the other violently rubbed against the left side of the fisherman’s face, more towards his eye. Taking a quick glance in the rear-view mirror, between rubs could he make out the noticeable red ring at the cause for many tears being wiped onto his sleeve to fight whatever irritation was troubling him.

“Ack… I’m fine. It’s been givin’ me shit ever since we drove down from Memphis. I can’t exactly hide it when- Tck! Motherfucker…” Lee was no doctor by any means, but even he could take a stab at guessing Kenny’s eye didn’t sound good at all. He _especially_ didn’t like the sound of it being an infection so soon after Hershel Greene joking about shooting him if his leg got any worse.

Returning his hand to the wheel, Kenny heavily squinted as he tried to change the subject. “Look, just… Don’t worry about it. It’s just a bit worse today, is all. As I was sayin’ Mark, I’ve got my wife and kid back there, Katjaa and Duck.”

“Duck?”

“Heh. That was my reaction,” Lee quirked at what he still thought was a ridiculous name.

“Yeah. Nothin’ bothers him, like water off a duck’s back, you know?” Kenny tried to justify, before providing a brief run-down off his family’s experience in this catastrophe so far. “…Then we hit Macon, where we meet the troublemakers of the team. There’s the cranky old loudmouth Larry, and his daughter, who we _think_ ain’t so bad, Lilly.”

Mark, understandably, didn’t seem so confident about his high hopes for the group. “Uh, _troublemakers_… how?”

Taking a hand off the wheel, Kenny pointed a thump behind him towards Lee. “Trouble enough he punched Lee in the face first time we met, knocking him flat right as we were leavin’ the city.”

Painful as it was to admit, Lee’s eyes were drawn to the closest window as he stared into the passing trees, remembering the scene like it was yesterday. “Yeah… He got me, all right.” The punching wasn’t the problem. He could forgive that. It was something else about Larry that made his situation that much harder. Why oh _why_ out of everyone in their little group did _he_ have to be the one who knew about his past? What horrible, horrible luck. Going to prison could well have been a better alternative to being blackmailed by a retired army commander into playing nice. If the others knew about his secret, he didn’t like to think what they’d do. Kick him out, probably. Other than for perhaps _one_ person in their group, that was the closest you could get to a death sentence these days.

Lee’s inattentive stare suddenly traced every tree in sight. _She_ knew about him too. To what ends, he didn’t know, but it was the same deal for Kenny. In fact, she seemed to know everything. Did that knowledge go further than just his name, but also include his past? If so, then why didn’t she ever mention it like Larry had? Did she just simply not care? Every time he tried to piece something together about her, it always fell apart. She was a walking mystery, that’s for sure. On the topic of their… _unique_ young fighting force, it was time to introduce the final member of the group.

“So,” Kenny continued. “We’ve got me, my wife, Kat, my son, Duck, Lee, Lilly, and Larry. Then there’s…” After a short pause, the two men were on the same wavelength as they answered in unison.

“Clementine.”

“Clementine…”

Mark raised an eyebrow, looking back and forth between the pair expecting an explanation, and when he was met with silence, asking for himself was the only way forward. It occurred to Lee that his confusion may or may not entirely have been their fault by making the girl sound like some kind of demonic deity. And depending who’s side you were on, that was probably open for interpretation.

“So… should I be more about her than Larry? Who is she?”

The truck was briefly overcome with Kenny and Lee both falling into the same nervous laugh. That should’ve told Mark everything he needed to know. The two guys locked eyes through the rear-view mirror, telepathically debating who should start things off. With the deed landing on the fisherman, he scratched his chin and did as best he could.

“Okay, let’s see… So for starters, she’s really sick, alright?”

“She _is_ really sick…” Lee supported without thinking.

“Yeah… We couldn’t even wake her up this mornin’. She’s gonna kill us when she finds out we went without her…”

“She _is_ gonna kill us…”

Mark was taken aback slightly by their chemistry in describing this mystery girl. “Uh… She’s sick, as in, she’s been bitten? You guys know about that?”

“We do,” Lee replied with a regretful tone. “But it’s got nothin’ to do with that. We’ve got no clue what’s wrong with her. All we know is what we see. Try to go easy on her, in that regard.”

His sceptical look finally dropped as it degraded into pity. “It’s bad enough being healthy and having to deal with these _things_, I can’t imagine what it’s like being ill at a time like this. Must be hard on her.” Once again Kenny and Lee joined each other in a nervous laugh, though the latter wasn’t entirely sure why. He stayed quiet afterwards, waiting to hear what his partner in laughter had to say. “What?”

“It’s not like you’re wrong with the whole sickness thing an’ all… But, uh, when you’re around her for a while you’ll understand. The world goin’ to hell’s just another day in the office to her.

“Pretty much…” Lee agreed with a nod. “Living the way we are, it’s like she knows no different. Heh, the first day we were there, I helped her out of her room, and-”

“When I saw the look on her face, I was shittin’ myself!” Kenny butted in, much to all but Mark’s amusement. Maybe it wasn’t best to scare the new guy off before he’d even arrived. Not like they had any other ways of describing Clem’s behaviour, though…

Playing off the light-hearted fun, he looked into the mirror giving the driver a smirk. “How’d you think I felt when I was told I had to go and wake her up?” Following a shake of the head, Lee turned his attention back to Mark, who was looking increasingly worried with the more he learnt. “As I was saying, I took her to where we’d gathered as a group, and she walks over without even saying hello and laid out exactly how to run the place. Food, water, hunting, scavenging, fortifying, she covered it all. Now, we’ve got a reliable wall, water source, fishing area, hunting parties, watch routines, and now we’re comin’ home with a bag full of food.” With such a long list, looking back on their setup, Lee was pleasantly surprised with how well they had it compared to everywhere else they’d seen. “Thanks to her, we’ve got a great system going,” he shrugged in satisfaction. “We’ve got it easy, all things considered.”

It was like Mark’s emotions were climbing up and down a series of mountains. Some things had him just as scared as them, some things had him genuinely hopeful. For now, he was at the tippity top, starting to believe it wouldn’t be so bad after all. Little did he know how quick things could turn around with Clementine in the mix. “Is she the leader of your group? It sounds like she’s got this whole thing sorted out.”

Lee opened his mouth, but it wasn’t his voice that answered. “Yes.” Despite the one still noticeably watering, Kenny had a sharp look in his eye to back up his determined tone. Mark was satisfied with the quick confirmation, but something about the way Kenny acted towards Clem seemed… off, and it was only getting stronger with time. He’d give them the benefit of the doubt since he barely knew the first thing about her. Clem obviously knew him, so maybe that was why. But still. Especially more so the last few days, Kenny - and even Katjaa to an extent – had become so defensive of her from out of the blue, he didn’t quite know how to react. It’s like he’d totally missed the boat; something must’ve happened between them in his absence. Yet, whenever he asked about it, they’d always change the subject, giving vague reasons like “We’re doin’ what we can for her” or “We’re just tryin’ to help her out”. Of course, they could be right. His confusion could all boil down to one simple truth: he had no clue how to raise a child.

Feeling his confidence dwindle a little, Lee decided to give his viewpoint on the leader situation. “We haven’t really elected an official leader or anything, I know Lilly likes to make a name for herself, but, uh…” Receiving a glare in the mirror, he felt the sudden urge to comply with Kenny even though he would’ve come to the same conclusion, glare or not. Both him and Clem knew how to pile of the pressure using only their eyes, damn. “Well, as it stands, Clem’s the one calling the shots. She set everything up, I _think_ everyone trusts her, so yeah. I guess she is the leader. She’s leading us in the right direction, at least.”

“Oh, okay. That makes sense,” Mark concluded. Thinking that was the end of that, Lee leaned against the door’s armrest letting his vision blur into daydreams. They would have, if not for the man up front taking control of the conversation.

“Now for the nitty gritty part.” Their head both snapped up. Giving each other a confused glance, the pair in the back seats turned to Kenny who’d taken on a deadly serious attitude. If he were to be honest, Lee felt butterflies in his stomach; at times, the Floridian could be a mirror image of the girl he was so protective off, and when the teacher associated Clem with anger, his mind was immediately drawn to the drug store.

Mark eventually spoke up. “Uh, what do you mean ‘nitty gritty’?”

Kenny’s razor-sharp focus on the road ahead never wavered. “She lost her whole family in one fell swoop, alright? She’s got every type’a trauma under the sun, so don’t go sayin’ anything ‘funny’ or makin’ jokes about her. She is traumatised to _hell_. I got a bad feelin’ she’s gonna snap more than she already has…”

The response came to Mark’s surprise, making him look as if he felt bad for asking. “Got it… Is there, you know, anything in particular I should know about?”

A few beats passed as the two backseat passengers waited for the driver to speak over the car’s engine. It seemed that Kenny didn’t really know himself, but nevertheless, his defensive nature managed to scrape something together. “She’s got a thing about drowning, so don’t mention anythin’ about that.”

“She does?” Lee interjected from his own lack of understanding. Acting as if he wasn’t in the same vehicle, Kenny completely ignored him, choosing to carry out further warnings. Okay, that confirmed it, he was definitely missing out on vital information somewhere. Problem is, no-one would tell him what happened down by the fish traps! No matter how hard he tried, he simply couldn’t win.

“She’s also got a thing about Lilly, who we mentioned earlier. Seriously. Do not try gettin’ them to interact with each other. It may be a one-sided thing, but from what I’ve seen, it’s a one-way ticket to a grave.”

“Yeah… he’s not wrong about that.” When it came to the drug store, Lee could only pray to God he’d find a way to get his ticket refunded again if she ever (almost) went berserk on him a second time. As Mark was quickly descending the mountain of hope, Kenny hadn’t finished his talk.

“That’s the next thing. She’s got a temper like a twig. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep your hands to yourself.”

That phrasing took them both by surprise. Mark, who didn’t like what he thought was being implied, accusingly asked for more details. “What do you mean by _that_, exactly?”

Kenny’s serious expression only seemed to enhance in response. “What I mean is, if you touch one of _us_, she’ll probably kill you.”

“_Oh_.” Lee thought out-loud. He fully supported such a statement, but even so, it felt like he was missing a piece of the story. A piece explaining why, or how it became important enough to mention. Thinking about it like this, he related more to Mark at this point in knowing what was about to happen next.

“Man…” Mark muttered in almost disbelief. “How much has she gone through?”

The teacher shrugged. “What can you expect? A girl her age, losin’ everyone she loves bar a boy halfway across the country… When I was a teenager, all I had to worry about was-”

“You guys are run by a kid?!”

The sudden outburst managed to break Kenny from his act, as both men turned to face Mark whose eyes were barely contained within his glasses. Lee found it somewhat amusing, unlike the other man in the vehicle under the teenager’s rule. “Yeah, what about it?” Kenny retorted.

_I think Mark’s had it for one day_, Lee thought as he watched the Air Force employee sink back into his seat, with a hand falling on his brow. Leaning over, he asked in a hushed voice, “You, uh, feel like going back to the base?”

“No, not at all…” Managing to strike the perfect balance between sarcasm and being serious, Mark resorted to staring out the window for what would remain most of the trip. Lee, finding himself showcasing an entertained grin, listened in as Kenny once again, was compelled to defend the teenager.

“She is tryin’ her damndest for us, so quit it!” His grin only got wider. He sat back, ready to drone out what he thought was an inevitable argument, but instead, the conversation took a turn he had to sit forward for to hear. The longer he spoke, the bite in Kenny’s voice faded from a summer’s blaring sun into a relaxing sunset the more his words conveyed the affection he held for the girl. “You wouldn’t believe how lucky we are to have her. Hell… me and my family wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Clementine, she… We owe her our lives. I think it’s amazin’. Put an army of walkers, a bedridden-inducin’ illness, and the loss of her own family in front of her, and she still puts her life on the line to protect us. She may scare the shit livin’ shit outta me, and she may have a lotta little quirks need straightenin’ out, but that girl is somethin’ special. At least she is to me… Her self-esteem’s ten feet deep in the ground, and yet she’ll always…”

The sun seemed to set for the night as he trailed off, a face fully indulging in fond memories replacing his previous defensive front. The way his eyes drooped, the way his smile beamed genuine pride and happiness, something about it made Lee feel… empty by comparison. All those warning, he felt like he should’ve been the one to give them. All those kind, inspiring words in that speech, he felt like those should’ve been his to say. So why didn’t he? Or rather, why _couldn’t_ he? The opportunity was there, but as always, he failed to take it. Longing for more swelled in his chest. Whatever relationship was forming between the father and an orphaned teenage girl, the bond was developing at a rate he couldn’t catch. The feeling was like hearing an old song; he recognised it instantly but had no idea when or when he last heard it. All he did know, was that it was brought on by that smile.

“Kenny?” he called, trying to wipe it from his face. He felt a little bad for doing so, but something deep inside was screaming that it couldn’t watch it prosper for the remainder of the trip.

Kenny blinked a few times, dragging him back to the real world from whatever fond memories he was reliving. In their current situation, Lee was tempted to claim his act was for the good of their health so their driver didn’t crash. “Yeah?”

“Oh, uh, nothing. Sorry.”

“…Hmph.”

Achieving what he set out to do, Lee regretfully glanced out the window until their journey ended. Ironically, asking Kenny for advice was at the forefront of his mind. But even then, it was the same guy whose initial impression of him was someone who “makes the best of a bad situation”. Maybe that was all the advice needed. Maybe not. He didn’t know what to do.

…You know what? He was gonna talk to her, ask her about what’s going on, maybe get to know her a bit, anything to fill this emptiness. As soon as they got back, that’s what he’d do: take initiative for once. If he wanted something, he’d have to do it for himself, not wait for the others to take his place. Yeah, he was definitely going to do it! All he needed to do now was wait for them to get back.

…

Ever since the world ended, Lee didn’t seem to have the best experience with car rides. This one had its ups and downs all the same.

_5 Minutes later_

…

“Here we are, home sweet home. Lee, you wanna hop out and open the gate?”

“Oh, yeah! On it.”

He sprang out of the vehicle, surveying who was around the motel as he moved for the double-dumpster barricade. Katjaa was sat by the RV. She was pretty close with Clem these days, right? That was his first destination. Opening the gate, he didn’t wait for the car to enter. Lee walked towards the mother with an enthusiastic pace, of whom was watching her son passionately draw something. “Hey, Katjaa, you seen Clementine around?”

Looking between him and the people in the truck, she gave him a welcoming smile. “Glad to see you all made it back in one piece. Welcome back, Lee. And yes, I have seen Clementine this morning, she came out not long after you left.”

_Fuuuuck…_ he worriedly thought to himself, now knowing they might’ve only been minutes shy of avoiding a verbal beatdown later.

“She seemed really annoyed about something… oh, but most definitely about you guys heading off, so shortly went back to her room.”

_Fuuuuuuuuuuck…_

“…But I’m glad she did. To be honest, she’s getting worse, Lee. Without hospital treatment, I would’ve thought it was only a matter of time…” Lee wasn’t truly taking in this bombshell Katjaa was dropping. If anything, it only made his desire to speak to her that much stronger before something happened. But now he was thinking about it, his enthusiasm was quickly turning into desperation going of the vet’s judgement. “We haven’t seen her since. I think it might be best if you leave her be.”

“Uh, thanks Kat, I’ll talk to you in a bit,” Lee quickly thanked before excusing himself from the scene. He passed by Kenny taking Mark with him for introductions, and soon found his feet at her doorstep, ignoring the mother’s advice.

Knocking on the door, he asked, “Clem? Clem, you there?” Silence. Placing his ear against the door, that was all he could hear, too. Total, and utter silence. Placing his hand on the doorknob, he slowly peeked into the room to find the bed sheets tossed over the side of the bed, pointing in the opposite direction to the closed bathroom. His nerves briefly settled at the sight. Ah, so that’s where she is.

The hands of his watch ticked, and ticked, and ticked. It was driving him nuts. Minutes rolled by as he sat down at the wooden desk, staring at the stack of paper pressed against the wall. They were all faced down. Whatever words were written onto those pages, it was for her eyes and her eyes only. The cause for so much stress as he’d observed from his position on watch lay right before him, and with just one little peak, he might be able to find a way to help her…

But there was no time for that! He’d been sat there for five minutes at the bare minimum, and he hadn’t heard a peep from the other room. Knocking on the next door in line, he repeated calling her name as before but to no response. Lee, aware this was the room’s bathroom, started believing he should _really_ get one of the other females to do this, but if she needed help, then as Katjaa sort of put it, she needed help there and then. The butterflies began fluttering violently in his stomach, causing a hurricane as his hand touched the cold brass of the doorknob.

Opening the door an inch, he again called out her name before daring anything else. Met with the heavy silence once more, Lee took a deep breath and swung the door open with eyes closed, hoping she’d see him and come to her senses. When this didn’t happen, he prayed to everything holy he wasn’t about to be subjected to not only a verbal, but a real, very painful physical beatdown, too. The results of gambling only a slither of vision later, and his eyes shot open in confusion. The room was… empty?

The empty feeling in his chest had led him to find an empty room. Well that was depressing. Cruelly realistic thoughts aside, he stood there examining every inch of the untouched room. The butterflies in his belly didn’t know whether to flutter faster or drop dead. He took a step forward, scratching the back of his head.

He didn’t really know what to do here. It’s not like there were footsteps he could track; the floor was plastered in a thin layer of mud. Any potential footsteps were concealed in the mess. The only real clues he had to work with was the bed being untidy, and the usually open bathroom door shut closed. And by bed being untidy, he meant in more ways than one. In terms of pillow sizes, a massive pool of blood covered the left side, dripping it’s overflowing remains onto the sheets below. He knew what _that_ was from. Looks like their paper towel blockage before leaving didn’t work as planned in stopping a never-ending nosebleed. He was starting to agree with the point of her getting worse; that was a scary amount of blood for falling asleep. Kat said she definitely saw Clem earlier this morning, so she must be around here somewhere. Putting his detective cap on, Lee sought to uncover the truth.

_Going off Katjaa’s account, Clem hasn’t been seen since waking up, so she couldn’t have gone out the front unless she somehow slipped by._ He pointed a finger at the floor in the other room, tracing her potential path._ She walks into the bathroom and closes the door behind her. Then… _

Without another direction to follow, he followed his finger across the straight line of his steps made walking into the room, going beyond his current position and eventually landing on the wall opposing the door. There, he found a difference he hadn’t yet noticed.

_So she’s in the bathroom, and… Ah! Goes out the open window! That makes sense._

The bathroom window, which he’d only ever seen closed unlike the door, was wide open with more than enough space for someone as small as her to squeeze through. Feeling a sense of accomplishment for solving the case, he concluded the events once transpired in the room. She returned to her room, came into the bathroom, went out the window, now she’s gone, and no-one’s seen her. Huh.

…

_Clementine’s gone._

**Oh fuck.**

In the end, the butterflies chose to flutter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me tell you, I've been waiting so long to reach the next part of the story. It's one of the ideas I had from the very first brainstorm, and it just so happens to potentially be the darkest this story will ever go depending on where I choose to go with it. Sorry about that. But anyways, let me know what you thought of this chapter! Thanks for sticking with us by the way, I know they take a long time to release nowadays.  
Edit: With this release, we're at 100 kudos! Thank you guys so much!


	16. Take Me Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the world will not grant her wishes, Clementine faces the origins of her many problems one walker at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still. Not. Abandoned. Been a while since we've been here, huh? 3 whole months. This one went through a troubled development to say the least, in fact, the only reason you're seeing it on this very day is because of u/changemymindpls1 who provided just a little bit of motivation when I needed it most. And by the way, if you haven't seen his biblical render for the fic already, go do yourself a favour and check it out: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheWalkingDeadGame/comments/i0551o/a_simple_game_of_genius_udenymeister_fan_fic/  
And of course, I've gotta thank u/Mr_Cyn1cal for his constant support. Yous familiar with popular fics for this game might know the guy.  
Should I have uploaded this in two parts? Yes. Did I? No. Why? Why not.  
Welp, I hope this makes up for the long wait!

_ The day of searching Warner Robins - Late Morning. _

Clementine struck a fist into the bed with a _ thud _.

“God-**dammit**.”

_ Travelier Motel, 2003 _

Driven by a newfound distaste for the drab carpeted room designed for living alone, she powered through any leftover scorches in her stomach to sit up straight against the bed’s headboard. A puddle of blood drying on her pillow was the only morning greeting she received, whoever’s failed attempts at containing her nose’s overnight leaks being the paper towels that’d floated down the stream. 

To cut to the chase, it wasn’t the nosebleed, the headache, nor the stomach spikes masterminding her immediate pain. It was the lack of a baby boy in her arms, and the man who’d taken the title as her father. Both gone. Without a trace.

Whatever hopeful spirit awakened within her at the unfinished house vanished alongside its people. Her head dropped into the palms of her hands. An inferno whisking its flames around the walls of her skull spread to, and corrupted the very thoughts setting her mood for the rest of the day. She couldn’t believe how unbelievably _ stupid _ she was to actually believe this fucked up world had an inkling of generosity. The hope it teased lured her in every time like prizes in a claw machine. She thought she’d finally won. Nothing dropped, and now she’d run out of coins to play with.

When her eyes landed on the desk housing her plan, only one question came to mind: _ What’s the fucking point? _ It was supposed to include some kind of personal development plan, but the only thing developing was the idea to scrap the whole project.

The empty space unoccupied by AJ against her chest strangled the remaining hope out of her heart, giving the regular inhabitant that was her growing spite free reign to flourish. Provide something to love, tear it all away - the formula to her life’s disastrous recipe. Losing AJ over the night felt like a carbon copy of the hollowness induced from each escaping tear as she wept over his original death. Only this time she was crying tears that never came, those left behind with her family in the snow.

Having a father again? Null and void. Her son being alive again? A failed plan, one that proudly locked its rewards behind the machine’s glass - always on display, but never hers to claim. Returning to that world would only add insult to injury, yet somehow, that’s all she could ask for.

Her eyes reluctantly landed on the brown baseball cap staring at her from the bedside table. AKA, Kenny’s hat. Taking hold of it, her gaze was endlessly lost in the plain white pattern as if it were a canvas, one in which she ravaged her mind to paint the memories that would bring forth a purpose to guide her through the day.

Searching the Air Force base was a start. She really couldn’t care less for the self-improvement goals documented in her plan, but keeping herself occupied could at least take her mind off being a player in the same twisted games. Infuriating as it was, Clementine forced herself to face the reality thrown at her, at the very least gaining some semblance of gratitude that the others were still alive despite AJ’s absence. ‘Others’ being those she may have deemed second-choice the night prior.

The ‘sickness’, the back and forth between time periods, it was _ all _infuriating. Her broken heart woke up sharpening its daggered claws, and the brunette was more than happy to wield them herself instead of denying her equally broken nature any longer. That settled it. She buried the locks of her hair beneath the hat and prepared for a painful attempt at standing. She was too tired to deal with any bullshit; if the hat’s magic to protect her from all the ‘bad thoughts’ didn’t work, then the day’s inevitable journey into madness could lead however far her deprived reserves of energy could carry.

Like the New Frontier branding, an injury followed her across the alternating bodies, adding to a dumpster fire in need of no additional provocation. Her stomach felt like it’d been swapped with a spear. The recent activity had it heavily bruised and beaten where trying to stand rammed the weapon deeper inside unless she sat back down. Last time she required Lee’s assistance, but being too pissed off to sit around all day, a deep roar swept across the room while she endured the pain. Stood up and ready enough to search the military base, an arm covered the strained area as she made her way outside. 

Doing her daily mirror check to monitor her health was skipped. There was no point; yoyoing between the two bodies seemed to pile on the pressure with every swap. The pain her 11-year-old self hurled through following Kenny’s glare was dumped entirely on her older shoulders. Physically, and mentally. Another factor mixed in the pot of her boiling temper.

Stepping outside, something felt off from the get-go. Katjaa welcomed the girl from her spot on a couch behind the RV, “Ah, good morning Clementine. Did you…Uh- Oh, okay then…”

The girl in question looked down and found the answers she was looking for. The ground seemed... stony, and for good reason. Her odd pair of footwear lay still beside her bed instead of protecting her feet. 

_ Goddamnit _. 

Combine a thumping headache and the partial following of Lee’s advice for a ‘normal’ girl’s sleeping habits, and what you get is one definitely _ not _ normal girl who's far too tired to think straight. If she couldn’t even remember to wear her shoes, then perhaps searching Warner Robins wasn’t the best idea. A base full of aircraft, and somehow she’d manage to find a boat. And as much as that would please one member of the group, it didn’t help motivation to stay away from bed one bit.

She turned back, slipping her trusty boot on the right foot, and giving the left a quick scratch as she slid on the running shoe nabbed from her mother’s wardrobe. The rest of her outfit was double checked just in case, highlighting the missing jacket folded at the end of her bed. So far Lee had convinced her to take off an entire two pieces of clothing for sleeping, a higher count she’d ever achieved at Ericson’s. Pyjamas just wasn’t her thing apparently. A decade’s worth of sleeping without them will do that to you. And if it meant going through all this trouble every morning, upgrading to removing her socks too didn’t sound all that appealing.

There was one positive, at least. Judging by her pillow, her nose had bled so much it managed to clog itself up before she woke up. A few semi-blocked sniffs confirmed it. Kenny _ did _mention it was like the Niagara Falls from hell up there… and that was before the latest body swap. Maybe it wasn’t such a positive after all...

Walking outside hunched over with an arm firmly wrapped around her hurting insides, she tried leaving whatever thoughts remained of the unfinished house back in her room, hoping to crack on with the day’s tasks without meaningless distractions. Something to focus on, that’s all she needed.

The group seemed too small for a regular morning. Lilly sat contently on watch, Duck was fired up about some drawing next to his mom, and Larry slumped himself into another nearby couch with crossed arms and that trademark scowl. Walking around the RV, Katjaa stepped in front of her son’s project, a soaked cloth draping over her hand. “Goodmorning, Clementine,” she greeted leaning in, the mother’s eyes falling down the slippery slope from Clem’s nose to wherever it’s bloody trail ventured until meeting pillow. “Oh dear, it looks like there’s even more up close. Let me just get that for you…”

Appreciative of Katjaa giving her best effort of a comforting smile, the tired teen asked, “Morning, Katjaa… Do you know where Kenny and Lee are? I want to get searching that base over with as soon as possible,” gesturing to her covering arm.

The mother's eyes widened for a split second before any traces of surprise were promptly buried. “Uh- Well… I’m sorry, Clementine. They’ve already gone. But I think it’s for the best.”

The visor of Kenny’s cap split their eye contact in two as her head dropped to the floor. The sun was way too bright; figuring out the situation was a task she wasn’t prepared for with each beaming ray adding more fuel to her headache’s fire, let alone the heat pouring over the motel. A fine layer of sweat was already trickling down beneath the hat, what would go on to be the first of much more to come. “Wait, what do you mean they’ve ‘already gone’…? Gone where?” The guys going off without her was out of the question. 

_ They wouldn’t… _

But as Katjaa knew, they most certainly would. “Off to the Air Force base, sweetie. Ken came back a little while ago for the truck, but-”

“You’ve gotta be fu-” she cut herself off having Duck so close by. The boy's presence stunted her diminishing temper, enough so she had time to correct herself in using more child-friendly naughty words. “-_ Flipping _ kidding me…” Her teeth clenched. Her eyes slammed shut. The _ one _ thing she wanted to do… and they left her. Of course they did. Why would the world let her have her way? It was like a betrayal.

Despite not having the incentive to calm herself down, Clem found herself automatically setting her breathing technique into motion. She just… did. Whatever helping hand she'd taken when accepting Kenny's hat, be it a ghost's or the owner's, it was dragging her along the path towards her plan's goals while her feet chose to stand firmly still.

Trying to restore the girl’s depleting patience, Katjaa defended them as if one wrong word would sentence her to death. “Please, just take a second, sweetie. They tried to take you along but you just… wouldn’t wake up. It happened again, like when you slept through the whole day. They really tried. We figured your body was clearly in need of rest so they agreed to let you have it, and I think it would be best if you got some more now. I’m sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear this morning. Ken mentioned you saying to search it in the morning and he was dead set on following your orders, so… that is what they did.”

The sound of air squeezing through the gaps of her blocked nose seemed to last an eternity. “Okay…” She placed her free hand over her heart, feeling as if somehow that would help contain its hostile beats. “Okay… So they left. Without me. I wanted to search the base, too, but I guess not. They've already left. Okay, fine. That’s fine. They’re out there without my help. They could be in danger. Totally fine.” Finally, through gritted teeth, she fumed, “The one productive thing I could’ve done today, and it’s gone. To-ta-lly fine.”

A pair of feet appeared before her own. Katjaa stood tall, placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder and trying to reunite their eye contact. “It’s alright. Look…” Raising her head, Katjaa’s calming gaze was like a gentle rain on Clem’s sizzling mind. “Let’s try not to get you any more stressed over this turn of events okay? Ken and Lee will be back soon. Back, and safe. They knew you wanted to go, I assure you. I’m really sorry you couldn’t… But they did this for you. We want to see you getting better, Clementine, not putting yourself through mission after mission for our sakes in your condition. Please, try to calm down for a second. Can you do that for me?”

Clem stood there, lost in the woman’s eyes blue as a bright summer’s sky. As much as her head was burning, Katjaa always carried with her a sense of peace the distressed teen was longing for. She’d forgotten all about how strong a mother’s influence could be. “Yeah, yeah okay… Sorry. I didn’t scare you or anything, did I?” she asked with a hint of shame.

Assurance lifted the corners of the woman’s lips. “You didn’t, sweetheart. It’s alright. I know you really wanted to go, but sometimes life doesn’t work the way we want it.”

_ Ain’t that the truth… _ she thought upon her departure from AJ jumping to mind. The baby’s safety coincided with her worries about her two guardians; danger-filled imaginations wound the vice tightening around her chest with every passing minute of their precarious status and there was nothing she could do about it.

The sound of scribbling came to a stop. Duck was lost in thought; their uncertainty a concern shared by both of the kids, affecting the young boy by the absence of his usual energy. His colouring pen returned to the ground. “I really hope Dad comes back okay…” 

Clementine bent down with her knees. As he moved his picture out of sight, she mirrored the calming expression Katjaa had graced her with. “It’s gonna be okay, Duck. Don’t worry. Those two are really strong. Nothing can hurt them. Dad’s gonna come back with lots of food in just a little while.”

From above, Clem caught his mother looking appreciative of the comments and soon enough, the disheartened Duck was back to his normal self. She would’ve shared his enthusiasm if it weren’t for realising the cruelty of her phrasing. To others it was a simple act of support, but to someone whose recent adoption was already rendered obsolete, it meant so much more. Her eyes darted to the floor anywhere away from the two family members, muttering more to herself than anything, “Uh, _ your _ dad, I mean…”

Oblivious as always, Katjaa’s hyperactive son looked ready to blast off from the spot. “Yeah! Dad’s super strong! He could take on an army of monsters all by himself!”

She forced a smile. “Yeah… I'm sure he could…”

As she stood, the weight of her losses kept her eyes trained to the floor. A mother, a father, a head free from a lifetime of guilt - Duck represented almost everything she ever wanted, or once had for herself. Just the chance of having one of those things back would be the water to a desiccated flower. Only a small sprinkle would be enough to make her feel alive again. With that gone so soon overnight, that flower would continue losing its colour, rotting away until the next glimmer of hope rained down on its aging petals. At the motel unlike the unfinished house, it seemed like the sun never had a cloud to shine behind. It kept burning no different from her drive to keep moving forward, a philosophy growing more exhausting with every testing roadblock. Hell, what she’d give to do the opposite and go backwards for a change. Back to the snow, where AJ was waiting for her return.

An observant Katjaa could read Clementine like a book, though a book no-one but the author knew the true meaning to. Approaching the dejected teen, she tried changing the subject. “Would you like some food? It might be the last full breakfast you have for a while.”

In her sad state, she tilted her head to the side ever so slightly like a confused puppy. “Last I’ll have? What do you mean?”

The peaceful morning was about to take a drastic turn for the worse. Larry bellowed to her right, deciding he’d had enough of not being the centre of attention. “It means all you do is sit in bed all damn day eating all of our food! Food that could be used to feed my daughter!” 

A light flickered in the back of her head, its hellish red rays digging out the ashes of her burned-out patience like moths to a flame. Round two. She turned to him, a look of combined disappointment and disbelief dropping onto her features. “What?” 

Katjaa was quick to jump to her defense. “Larry, please. That is no way to speak about a young woman. She is sick and needs the rest.”

He tightened his crossed arms. “So? What does that matter? We’re about to starve, and she sits on her ass all day eating our food while the rest of us get to work! It makes _ me _sick just thinking about it.”

A third, most unexpected ally opposing their cynical accuser rose from atop of the RV. “Dad, please calm down. We can’t just stop feeding each other. I’ve been handling the food so it’s my fault we’re low right now.” Lilly’s support went in one ear and out the other. Clem squinted as she looked up at the woman, her anger latching onto the crack in the presented argument. Of the incompatible pair, consideration for the other's health was undoubtedly one-sided. “Hey, Clementine… Um, are you okay?”

_ It’s a good thing you’re way up there ‘cuz I could fucking strangle you _ … was her initial reaction. Twisting it into more appropriate words, she lectured, “What happened to rationing the food? When I meant distribute the portions where you see fit, I meant _ distribute the portions where you see fit _!”

“Hey!” Larry barked back from behind. “Where do you get off speaking to my daughter like that? She’s United States Air Force goddamnit and doing her jobs! What do you do? Other than being useless and acting like you run the place? So much for your ‘runs into the city’. You don't even go out hunting! We would've had more food by now if you stopped all your yapping and put in half the amount of effort as the rest of us!”

Every comment was taken to heart. All the pain she was enduring just to be able to stand in front of them, every ounce of stress she volunteered for in setting up the motel for suitable living, and her reward was being called ‘useless’? There was a heavy silence. Everyone was staring at her, waiting for a response with enough power to shatter their ear drums. Instead, they got quite the opposite.

Her cap’s visor blocked him out of sight as her face sunk to her feet. “Hey, Larry?”

The innocent tone threw him off guard. A few seconds passed before he regained his act. “What do you want?”

Her voice was ravaged with deceit, the disguise crumbling the longer she went on. “How many pills do you have left?”

“Wha-?” She wouldn’t allow herself the satisfaction of his surprised face. Everyone knew the importance of his nitroglycerin presectription.

“We couldn’t have grabbed that many with the alarm going off in the drug store.” She paused, a passing beat being long enough for the others to catch on to her meaning. “You’re running low, aren’t you?”

The tension in the air took a sharp turn; both of them were participating in a race to see who would explode from the pressure first. “Oh yeah? What are you trying to say, _ girly _?”

“What I’m trying to say is…” She lifted her head just enough so their eyes could lock with both sides shooting daggers at each other in what would be an endless war of attrition. “Even if you were the only one who ate for the next few months, you’d still die. Isn’t that right? We could have enough food to last us a lifetime, but the second you run out of those pills… Your poor little heart would beat for the very last time.” Her mind raced through her nightmares about the meatlocker, turning them into the perfect weapon for modernised use. “All it would take is a little bit of shouting… a little bit of excitement… and before you know it…”

“Just who the hell do you think you are?!” Larry burst to his feet. A trail of thuds ensued as he marched forward, meeting the agitated survivor face to face. “If I recall, _ you _were the one who said you were gonna get more,” he berated, shooting her an accusing finger, ”and now you think you’re all high and mighty because you’re too lazy to get off your ass and get into the city?!”

Her teeth bit down fiercely onto her lip. Like a chain reaction, she was on the verge of countering with an explosion of her own. Every fibre of her being was red hot and raring to go, but the constant sight of Kenny’s hat and Katjaa in the corner of her eye caused her to subconsciously hesitate. This pause was seen as nothing but an opportunity by her opponent.

“You order us around and do nothing! We’re out of food. My daughter will starve. And if your ‘leadership’ could be any more useless, I’m almost out of my pills. So what the hell are you gonna do about it?!”

All her hard work, and all she got was insults.

“You haven’t gone hunting _ once _! You haven’t helped with the wall at all! You haven’t even been on goddamn watch! So what are you going to do about it?!”

Oxygen became the dynamite filling her lungs. “OKAY, I’LL FUCKING GO TO MACON THEN!” she screamed, intent on giving freedom to her eager fists if he ever ran his mouth again. “Day one! We had a wall. We had a watch routine. Now we’ve got fish traps, and Kenny and Lee will be back with a mountain of food, so if you don’t like what I’ve done," she felt herself slipping away, her headache's heartbeat driving her further into rage's endless consumption with every painful thump, "then take that finger and shove it up your GODDAMN-”

Her head swerved round to Katjaa whose hand rested on the girl's shoulder. The mother held her nerve in the face of Clem’s murderous expression, the lack of words shared between the two being enough to let the gesture sink in. Holding the same expression cursed upon the enemies she'd left behind as corpses to first be used against Lee, and now Katjaa stabbed a spike of dread through her chest. The warning sirens raised lasted only a split second, all the time required for their truths to demand action from the little faith she held of herself.

_ Don't you dare hurt her... Don't. You fucking. Dare! _ ** _Control. Yourself._ **

Jamming her eyes shut, she fought against her broken self to hold her crumbling tower of sanity together, trying to suppress the anger forcing its way onto her face.

“It’s okay, dear…” Katjaa gently coaxed, “I think you just need some space. I understand your frustrations. Here,” she held a can in front of her, “Take your breakfast back to your room. Remember,** two coughs** and I'll be right there if you need me. I will have a word with Larry.”

A rumble brushed against the hand covering her stomach at the thought of food. A rumble far beyond hunger, with much graver intentions. Resurfacing a small spell of nausea was the only lesson it would teach before resurfacing the full blown wave buried deep in the night from a resurrected trauma. Clementine waved her free hand in denial. “No no no no, that’s really, _ really _not a good idea…” Her eyes briefly flickered between the blonde and the youngest of the silent observers caught undecided between looking fearful or intrigued. “I want Duck to have it, okay? Make sure that happens, just…” The unfinished house, the air force base, Larry, she couldn’t handle it. “I want to be alone for a bit...” their queasy ‘leader’ admitted, seeing no other options to occupy herself for the day with. 

...That is, if improvising something new was out of the question. Her eyes narrowed. “I’ll be heading back to bed. Please, don’t wake me unless it's important... See ya…” She turned back and headed to her room. Never having it easy, she wasn’t able to walk far without gaining another motive for her anger’s restlessness through none other than the equally restless Larry.

“Going back to bed again, are ya? No surprise there. Run along and spoil yourself. This isn’t your own fucking vacation.” Clementine’s nails struck through layers of skin in her tightly bawled hand as she kept moving forward. Steam escaped her nose like a raging bull, but one that wasn’t going to fall for the bait.

“Will you please calm down? There is no need for conflict between us. The walkers are making our lives difficult enough as it is without us tearing each other apart as well,” was all she heard before slamming the door shut behind her. Clem’s eyes were naturally drawn to the bed her body was crying out for, but no. Oh no. Her baby boy and chance at adoption didn’t disappear into thin air for her to be mocked, insulted, and given the displeasure of her ever malfunctioning body breaking beyond reason with every leap in time.

Sleeping would be impossible with such fury trapped inside her chest, her manipulated heart leading the charge for its release with every booming thump. She wouldn’t accept the consequences of her ongoing torture, not today. She’d take matters into her own hands come what may, all the while proving the old bastard wrong.

Closing the curtains and stepping into the bathroom, she pushed the door shut behind her as her sights were set on a sneaky escape. “Like hell I’m gonna be called ‘useless’...” she spat out bitterly. “Get ready Macon. Let’s see just how useless I really am.”

***

Her feet moved at a slow pace along the sidewalk. Going by car would probably be the death of her; the walk was taking longer than she’d hoped but if it meant avoiding reliving the clusterfuck of pain of her digestive system imploding again, then feet would do for a hundred miles further.

The health hanging by a thread had deteriorated faster than usual that morning. A fearful gasp echoed a sickening rumble spreading around her body. She paused for a moment, convinced another of its episodes was in the works. Out of everything she’d fought against, never in her life did she once think her stomach would be able to traumatize her, too.

Instinctively, her free hand flew above her head to fetch the cap gifted specifically to provide comfort in times like these. Being all alone, Kenny’s hat was the closest thing to act as a therapist. Getting angry at her two guardians, Larry, and now putting herself in situations that defied Katjaa’s advice... all of these were the bad thoughts. The thoughts Kenny was trying his best to help her live without, and she was falling right back into their trap.

With a sigh, Clem returned the therapy item back to its rightful spot and continued on towards the city. There was no turning back now, not after a scene like that. She was already knee-deep in the depths of a rage rooted deep inside her, showing no clear instruction on how to handle it. How could something so complicated feel so simple? If it built up too much, it had to come out. If it didn’t, then the bad thoughts wouldn’t go away. And if they didn’t go away, eventually they turned into bad actions, bad behaviour, bad morals. Bad everything. An unending cycle without a clear form of escape.

The roadside had been completely barren of any walkers. It wasn’t long before her surroundings were packed with rows of houses and family-run shops with each sluggish step. The brunette wandered aimlessly down street after street until a horde of groans had her jumping back behind the nearest building’s cover after unawaringly turning a corner. Where her eyes were once lost amongst the sidewalk, they were now gawking at her new destination.

_ Oh, right. Helicopter crash. _

What looked like the entire neighbourhood of Macon had gathered around the drugstore. The green of the aircraft acted as a lighthouse from it’s crashed position through the damaged drug store’s ceiling, drawing in the city’s entire undead population around the scattered concrete as they groaned and growled in unison. If she wanted targets to relieve her stress, she got them. Standing between her and Larry’s pills was everything a part of her wanted to see, maybe more than she’d come to realise as her free hand already readied the tried and tested screwdriver from out of a back pocket.

Getting through would require dusting off and old trick. She spun the metal around in her hand, admiring the blackened blood reflecting in the sunlight. Trying to follow Kenny’s help or not, covering one’self in walker guts couldn’t be achieved without some bloodshed. So many easy pickings, and all the time in the world. Still out of their sight, she had the freedom to carve a path wherever her weapon may choose. 

...Which is exactly what the bad thoughts wanted. Despite the demanding urge to strike straight into the heart of that undead moshpit, the hat drizzled down a sense of guilt seeing her give in so easily. It was as if she’d sat back and was watching herself be controlled like a puppet in a show by whoever wanted the worst for her, who in this case, could be no-one but herself. When she discovered a walker sleeping against a dumpster and damaged wall in a nearby alley, Clem fought against the urges pulling her strings by forcing an already moving foot back to the ground.

Both influences were impossible to ignore. Kenny was still Kenny; it might not have been one who’d agreed to take her in as their daughter, but at the same time, it was him all the same. And thanks to her dreams, she’d learnt well enough how to treat her friends no matter the time or place. Owning his hat wasn’t being taken for granted.

Then came the backstage - the feelings demanding the show must go on. No one could deny how much she was hurting, but when she played her role... and her fists ended up drenched in a deep, rich, _warm _coat of darkened blood… Did it feel _good_. So good. To finally utilise the power to take revenge on all that’d ruined her life built up a craving her scars were yearning for. Larry’s insults, the night’s events becoming fiction, her heartbeat and breathing gradually increased in anticipation for the opening act to commence. Saying she was well overdue some payback would be an understatement, one her collection of mental and physical scars would be happy to rally behind. They were tired of forgiving.

Two influences, one way to proceed. A matter of who’s hand to take hold of, and bearing the consequences of however they proceed.

…

Not holding back was the idea upon waking up, but now that she was here in the moment, and with what happened during her perceived prolonged sleep, she had to at least try controlling herself. For him. The walker at the dumpster - she’d allow herself just that lonesome one to let off some steam. Just _ one _… After that, cover herself in guts and wander through the city. One little kill surely couldn’t hurt...

Before she knew it, her feet were almost excitedly pulling her towards the lifeless prey. They led into the shadows deep between the buildings where she stood tall above what was the unluckiest walker on the planet. 

The skin of her knuckles whitened from such a tight grip of her weapon as her body impatiently waited for the alleviating rush reaped with every kill. She was still, her pain gathering inside her grip like the nearby herd of walkers the longer she stared at the grotesque body. The second it set its eyes on her, its growls fell on deaf ears. Her only boot echoed down the dark passage under a heavy step forward. Taking a deep breath, she raised her weapon up into the air, aiming at the corpse struggling to stand up.

_ Take my boy away, take my… my dad away... and give me this shitstorm of a stomach? That just keeps… fucking… hurting? _ The rising heartbeat in her ears drowned out all other sounds into a singular blur. _ I’m insulted for all my hard work. After everything I put myself through, and he thinks I’m useless? ME? When he can’t do anything without having a fucking heart attack?! _

The screwdriver sliced through the air towards its target. “Fuck you!” A geyser of blood burst through the walker’s skull. Adrenaline coursed through her veins as the crimson marks tainting her hand steamed against her skin. Every corner of her heart lit up from the burst of energy as it passionately beat for more, although it didn’t seem to reach the same heights her fists did down by the stream. A tiny screwdriver wouldn’t cut it. She wanted more. 

The barely risen body plummeted back down to the ground. The craving demanded a change of weaponry, something blunt that could really pack a punch. Luckily for her, the walker’s head fell right next to the perfect choice. The broken teen lifted her leg, and slammed her boot into the skull beneath it. _ Perfect _. The rage frolicing in her headache certainly agreed.

The show was a reenactment of her killings scouting for the fish traps. Every few seconds, the boot tore through the decaying skull again and again only without the motive of saving Kenny, Katjaa and Duck. She envisioned the walker to be the physical manifestation of the very thing that ruined her life and the cause for all her troubles. She didn’t have to imagine very far. The day they rose from the ground, that’s exactly what they’d been. Nothing more, nothing less. And now, so too had her shunned away problems risen for this very moment, looking only to strike back in long overdue vengeance. With so many to power through, she couldn’t stop. 

Clementine stood far beyond her limits for handling the bullshit thrown her way. Violence would never have been her first choice a long time ago, but each kick brought on a sense of relief she hoped would be the steps taking her back in the right direction. Returning to the motor inn as a potential threat to those she shared a mutual care for was the last thing she wanted to happen. The boot continued its service, with the brunette evolving the walker’s long lost growls into her own gnawing renditions as she tried to stuff as much pain into each kick as possible. Losing herself in the beautiful cracks of bone alone, goddamn was it working. She wanted more of it. So much more.

The combined sounds from her boot and growls hadn’t gone unnoticed. Her ears pricked up to another walker’s footsteps closing the gap between them from the end of the alleyway. A reserve of energy to burn through remaining, and Clementine felt the job unfinished unless it was used to unlock the full potential of her warpath. 

_ Okay, _ ** _one _ ** _ more... _

Unsure if any more were on the way, she bent down to the flattened walker and carved it open with the screwdriver, the weapon crashing to the floor upon finishing its task. As various bodily fluids and intestines were exposed to the air, the wretched smell burned straight through her nose and down to her stomach, causing the volatile organ to churn in disgust. Desensitisation was all that stood in the way of the pain she inflicted on the corpse being transferred straight to her sick machine. 

Feeling the blood drain from her head, she stuck an arm over her mouth as her only possible counter to the bile soaring to the back of her throat and made a hasty job of camouflaging her clothes. Her gut quickly became engulfed in flames the longer she held it in, but with the bleak assumption such a reaction would’ve happened anyway today, she saw no other choice but to fight through it. Like the firefighters AJ always wanted to be... 

The persistent smell shook her insides until they were dizzy. What used to be a regular technique completely threw her off course, leading her warpath straight back into a pit of nausea. As the footsteps grew louder than comfort, she tried to stand only to be met with a grim reminder of her body’s condition without an adrenaline powered painkiller working on overdrive.

“_ Nrrg _!”

Her knee gave way, and her back fell against the rightmost of the alley’s brick walls. Before she had the chance to blink, the walker was on top of her, her neck separated from the snapping jaw only by the hands holding the corpse back for dear life. 

This wasn’t part of the plan. Clementine focused all of her strength into one arm as the other fumbled around desperately for the screwdriver, only to find it just out of reach next to the butchered body. She could hardly move, she could hurl at any second, and her only plausible weapon was gone. Panic set in. Tiny stones of concrete repeatedly scraped against her skin. There was absolutely nothing.

She pushed the walker forward, catching it so her opposite hand could search the street instead. If she did in fact have even a slither of the luck Kenny believed had been blessed upon her, God, did she need it now. The clattering of infectious teeth inched away from her face like a countdown to her own death. Clementine was short on time.

Stones, stones, receipts, a plastic bag, stones, trash, more stones, a brick-

A brick! Without a second to lose, she latched on and thrust it forward. A _ crack _around the walker’s cheekbone sent the weapon bouncing right back, the attack doing little to disrupt the flurry of bites heading her way. Manic beats against her rib cage resurfaced her energy into a second wind for her arms to swing again. 

After one... 

Two...

...Three successive hits, she knocked it off balance enough to roll it over her side and pin it to the ground.

As it raised its head, the brick filled the role of her boot and bashed through skull straight to brain. Every swing was followed with a heavier breath; it wouldn’t give up, and neither would she. Clementine closed her eyes, a moment’s rest to embrace the rage merging with her falling panic. She swung again…

And again... 

And again…

And _ again _... 

_ And… again... _

_ And... _

The brick beat no more. Her lungs pleaded to stop. The hand maintaining its grip lost any remaining strength as the improvised weapon fell back beneath the damaged wall to never rise another day. Neither that, nor the walker lay unmistakably dead with the top of its head shattered like a cracked egg. On her knees and gasping for air, victory hadn’t felt so demanding for quite some time. 

Any time to rest was lost to the sound of the black figures appearing through the harsh sunlight at the end of the alleyway. More walkers were on the way. There was no chance of fighting them like this. No chance. If they wouldn’t give her any time, then she’d make it herself. Pinching her nose, she laboriously crawled her way back to her first butchered victim, applying a second coat of camouflage over any exposed skin and clothes with the other hand.

Deeming the work good enough, she allowed her back to hit, and slide down the wall until her legs could freely go limp. Every last shred of energy she may have possessed evaporated into thin air. Unfortunately for her, a quick fix resided in a can of food back at the motel otherwise known as ‘breakfast’. Another possible solution hadn’t crossed her mind. There was no energy bar to bail her out this time. It came up so blank that if the guts wouldn’t work, then she wouldn’t even care. She was going to sit there. Sit, and stay. Nothing else. Walkers be damned.

As the group slowly trickled in, Clem felt a passive sense of relief watching their rotting feet drag straight past her and further down into the alley’s darkness. With some form of safety secured, her body began to shut down as her eyes drooped in surveying the scene around her. 

_ Wow… Good thing this dumpster was by a broken wall. Without these bricks lying around I’d have been a goner. Guess that was… lucky. _

There was that word again. And just like while Kenny was fixing the truck, it annoyed the shit out of her though not knowing as to why.

In an attempt to quell the bubbling in her stomach keeping her on edge, she retrieved the water bottle tucked away in her jacket and silently gave her utmost thanks to Katjaa for refilling it. Pushing the bile back to whence it came would be more than a satisfactory outcome. After a few controlled sips, the drink succeeded in its job, but only that job. With its cool stream replacing the heat in her throat, her head fell back on the wall as not another thought about the danger surrounding her troubled her sleepy mind.

_ Well that went well… What did I come here for again? I don’t know… I think I’ll just... _

And just like that, Clementine’s survival instincts were temporarily put to bed. Her eyes came to a close, and she soon found the comfort of sleep where none of her friends would dare to tread.

***

Such peaceful nothingness. Hours, minutes, maybe only seconds might have passed. In truth, the brunette wasn’t sure if she’d actually managed to fall asleep. All she _ did _know was that there wasn’t a walker to be heard. Silence amid a crazy, most definitely stupid mission. Something like that? It was perfect...

As her mind began indulging in the wild imagination at its fingertips, a couple of voices crept into the environment. One of them in particular was quickly shedding the shroud of its mystery the closer it got, almost as if it’d found the alleyway and was rushing to rescue her. The distinct accent and roughness brought an affectionate smile to her face. 

“_ Come on darlin’ _ ...” Who else would it be in a time of need? “ _ Time to go, we’ve gotta get outta here. Clem? Can y’hear me? _”

She could hear, alright, and was more than happy doing just that. Caving into her body’s demands for rest, she continued only listening in to the man she wanted to believe had come to save her. 

“_ Damn, she’s out cold… Hang on little Alvie… Okay. Up we go. _” After what sounded like a hint of pain, a pleasant warmth surrounded and wrapped its arms around her, shielding her from the breeze flowing between the parallel buildings. As more of this warmth gradually settled over her, Clem found some humour in the thing worrying her guardian the most.

“_ You were right about them, Clem. You were right. After what you said, I _ …” he paused for a second. “ _ Oh, shit… Again? Heh, that little nose of yours _…”

Maybe it was getting a little _ too _warm. Everything heard told her exactly where she was going and wanted to wake up to. She couldn’t wait to see them, to get out of this stupid mission she’d embarked herself upon all because of a defective temper. Finding some strength through however much sleep this ‘dream’ managed, Clementine, ready to show her love through a big beaming smile, let her eyes lazily open to the snowy environment. 

“Daddy?”

A blinding Sun forced her vision back to black. Adjusting herself to the change in brightness, she tried again only to have her hope smothered by the sight of a walker shambling by in a now brightly lit city alleyway. Clementine had voluntarily been left alone to cook in the blasting summer’s sun while she slept. Sweat raced down her forehead. Wiping it away with her sleeve, she breathed a heavy sigh of disappointment. All the proof was found in her nose - it wasn’t really bleeding which, ironically, marked the first time she actually wanted it to. Why she even bothered getting her hopes up was a question asked time and time again for an answer to never see the light of day.

The brunette crawled to the dumpster, picking up her screwdriver on the way and avoided pushing herself up with her pain-loving abdomen. Back to the city streets she went... 

At this point, any motivation she had for coming all the way out here was officially declared dead thanks to that nap. 

_ I was gonna prove Larry wrong, wasn’t I? _ Her eyes fell to the floor, her shoulders bumping into the odd walker in her path. _ May as well get his pills anyway now that I’m here… God, I’m sick of all this. I just… I just wanna go home... and be with AJ... and Louis again. He always knew how to cheer me up… Always. But that’s never going to happen again, is it? _

She stepped into the middle of the road, her gaze fixed on the hoard still packed around the drug store. Where she couldn’t look forward to Louis’ goofy grin or his piano based remedies, next in line was obviously Kenny and Lee. Those thoughts didn’t develop far, it wasn’t like they were even waiting at the motor inn for her to think about. The homesick teen sighed again. Nothing anywhere had anything worthwhile. 

_ Once this is done I think I’ll just stay alone in my room and… I don't know… There’s no point pretending like I used to do. I can’t even do that anymore. It’ll only make me feel worse... _

Her thoughts came up short. Shaking her head, Clementine sought to get the task over with however long need be. Staying occupied here meant delaying the sadness arriving at her room’s doorstep. _ Well, here goes _.

**Explore Macon**

**(?) Story objectives: **

  * Obtain Larry’s nitroglycerin pills

**(?) Optional objectives:**

  * Obtain:
    * New pair of boots ☐
    * Backpack(s) ☐
    * Weapons ☐
    * Gifts ☐

She looked up as if someone were controlling her, for whatever reason feeling as if she were expecting to find… _ something _ written in the sky. There she stared, and stared some more, her senses greying the longer the mythical text grabbed her ‘attention’ until bursting back to life. Blinking her way back to reality, she wondered, _ What the hell was that? Uh, where was I? Larry’s pills. Right… Let’s uh… go do that. _

The main entrance to the store wasn’t an option, being obstructed by all the fallen debris. Ducking and dodging her way through the swarm of walkers, her first obstacle presented itself high and mighty. Crashed into one of the drug store walls was a white semi truck blocking passage of the road, sidewalk to sidewalk.

There was a ladder on the leftmost side of the truck’s container she could climb, and to the right was a car surrounded by the concrete plugging up any holes she could crawl through. If she were to somehow open and climb through its broken door, that would make it possible to bypass the obstacles and squeeze under the truck instead.

Climbing would be a lot easier, but there was one major benefit to crawling through... 

**[Use the ladder]** **[Use the car] **

The benefit shouldn’t have really been a benefit at all. The tired teen saw the keys still in the car’s ignition and opened the still intact, unlocked door of the pair. There was no way she was climbing. Nuh uh. Her treehouse provided her with plenty of experience of having her feet off the ground. Crawling it was.

Passing over the driver’s seat and onto the passenger’s, the door refused to budge. With nothing to pry it open with at her disposal, using her shoulder would have to do, an action that was bound to make some noise.

Briefly checking to see if it’d gone unnoticed, she returned to see the door only a fraction open, but a fraction nonetheless. Progress was progress. Through the small sightline provided, she could make out a relatively small, in terms of concrete, piece preventing it from opening any further. 

The sleeve of her jacket was pulled back up her arm as it just barely squeezed through the gap. All she could manage was a dainty push, allowing the door the tiniest bit of movement, though not enough for her to fit through. 

_ Crap… _

As the blockage was pushed just out of reach, one more stronger shoulder barge was her only option. 

_ Please don’t hear this... _

…

** _Bang!_ **

More feet than she could count shuffled behind her. With an opening passable at best, Clementine scurried out the other side of the car and down onto her chest beneath the truck. Being small still had its benefits.

The activity went mostly unnoticed on the other side of the road, but not directly inside the blockade. The driver of the car from whose waist down was crushed in a bloody splatter grabbed onto her boot before she had any time to react. Caught in the truck’s destruction, a flimsy spine became her sole saviour holding the corpse in place beneath the rubble.

With the walker out of the screwdriver’s range and her trusty boot burdened to pull away from its grip, the lone survivor had to choose from limited options. Using AJ’s pistol was a death sentence in a city this densely populated, whether that be in an isolated alley or the middle of the horde. Her eyes darted to her left leg and the black running shoe free from any grasp. The time had arrived for its first sight of action.

The shoe bounced off its face using all her weakened might. Making no difference, it disorientated herself more than her foe. She tried kicking again, only to find a _ wobbly _sort of feeling sprouting throughout her leg with each taxing motion.

Some form of fatigue wasn’t important. She tried again in rapid succession barely making a dent in her decomposing captor. With time running out, a revitalised batch of kicks chipped away at the walker’s grip but not without the unstable feeling spreading across the nerves in her leg by the beat. The odd sensation stemmed from her foot, or more specifically, the literal cut off point of her old stump.

While the walker began to flinch from the shoe slamming in its face, she prepared to power through her biggest kick so far, knowing full well this increasing feeling was a bad, _ bad _sign. It’d already troubled her during the Glenn rescue mission, and if it was anything like her stomach, she feared what repeatedly provoking her injured state could do.

Steeling herself, she knocked the walker back finally setting her free only to be followed by a reaction instantaneously shooting up her leg like a lightning bolt. For the split second the pain prepared to explode, she found herself inhaling a colossal breath before digging her teeth into the folds of her jacket’s sleeve to suppress an inescapable scream. 

When the timer ticked for the end, the fabric was hardly a worthwhile container for the cries sounding all too familiar. A replayed experience evoking her howls of the not so distant past - the crackling and snapping of bone. An experience none other than AJ removing her bite.

** _“MMMMRRRRMMRRRMMMMRRRRPPHH!”_ **

Her eyes were on the verge of bursting from their sockets. Getting bit, the initial strike of Minerva’s axe, and finally, those dealt by AJ before she finally lost consciousness. The memories fused into a single kick. Her heart shrieked in response as if it’d been struck by the lightening and had burst open against the confinements of her chest. 

In the barn she had the luxury of passing out. One unavailable in the present day. A handful of walkers a few buildings down her side of the road noticed the commotion and were on the way. 

As with escaping the motel, the pain burst like a firework to shortly disappear without a trace. The aftershock it left behind shook any form of confidence into fright. Her hands trembled upon looking down at herself and the horrors her stomach or leg could achieve. Before she could ride the downward spiral of a panic attack, the oncoming walkers blocked her descent with the threat of their infectious teeth proudly on display. Filling her lungs to the brim with recovery breaths, she crawled her way under the truck to face the small oncoming swarm head on. 

The recently reborn foot gave way at the first sign of pressure. Rather painfully pushing herself back up and without any crutches to rely on, Clementine hobbled to the closest sign of danger before a slick metallic stab blazed through its skull. A silence overcame her. All that played was the sound of her weapon’s performance set on its prime stage and the heartbeat reverberating through her ears. 

The next walker stood only a few feet away. A primal directive to fight awakened. Metal met meat. Body upon body fell to the ground. She just kept going, and for once, with no input in her emotions, out of fear for her own life. 

At least ten had joined the concrete graveyard before those furthest away missed the dinner bell of screams with their destination leading them towards the truck. After being covered in a third layer of guts, that was her ticket to get the fuck out of there. She practically hopped for the store’s office entrance, and as ‘silently’ as she could, slammed the door behind her. 

“Holy… Fuck…” she breathed while trying to regain her strength. The killing quota for the day had been reached; she was well and truly exhausted. Oxygen was in short supply to the high demand her lungs were begging for. At the first sign she could safely pass out at the motel, she was taking it.

Taking a minute's rest, she made her best effort at calming herself down. Without Kenny and Katjaa around, making her stress worse would be in itself the absolute worst thing that could happen. Keeping her mind busy was always a good start, so the primary goal for the day retook its position of importance. Wanting to get moving, Clem tapped her tingly foot against the floor before eventually having enough faith that she could stand again. Other than the slight pins and needles, she was back to normal. For however long that may last, that was.

By a stroke of luck, and annoying as this ‘luck’ of hers still was, the pharmacy itself was scarce of any walkers. From there, everything became so much simpler: she scanned through the various isles, pocketed a handful of the bottled pills she was looking for, and… that was it. Job done. What she gathered would surely last at least until her next trip here. Though, not knowing when that would be in her condition, she spent an extra few minutes scavenging another couple of bottles of Larry’s medicine and whatever was around before finishing up and reviewing her work.

**(?) Story Objective Update:**

  * Obtain Larry’s nitroglycerin pills ✓

A helicopter dangling from the roof wasn’t the most usual sight to see inside a building... 

...

Getting back on track, pockets full of pills was... _ unfulfilling _ to say the least. There was only one question running through her mind: _ Am I really gonna do all of this just for Larry? _ As much as they’d caused her so much frustration this morning, it felt genuinely wrong to come back empty handed for the girl’s carers who actually deserved her help.

Prescribed medicine was something Larry only needed, but maybe she could find something of a little reward for the others. Something they might want. Like a... gift? She couldn’t remember the last time she went gift shopping - or in this case, scavenging - if she had at all, so the premise was sort of alien to her. The only experience she had to work with was receiving presents at Christmas and birthdays, not that she could remember much about them. Her memory may be rusty, but she would always remember being grateful for anything under the tree. Christmas or birthday presents. Anything really. Her dad’s hat was the best example she could think of.

An opportunity to show off her overwhelming gratitude was an opportunity she couldn’t miss. _ Something _was telling her there could be findings for herself, too. Like very specifically, a new pair of boots, or an upgrade to her arsenal.

A considerable crack in the wall presented itself on the other side of the store where a spider web of breakable structure was just waiting to fall apart. Hopping over the counter, she breezed past the idle walkers dotted below the deformed helicopter along with its trapped pilot and sent the stronger of her two footwear into the wall. With the crack broken enough to climb through, she returned back to the streets ready to explore what the city had to offer.

Walking along the sidewalk made her realise the intensity of her tiredness. Not just physically, but mentally too. A moment of calm was also a moment to reflect. Various store names and signs passed by unnoticed outside her narrow area of focus. She just walked on for the sake of walking on. It was what she was always told to do. It was what she was _ taught _to do. Only on this road, where her feet stomped endlessly along a lane of oblivious walkers, something was missing: what made each step tolerable. A hope? A goal? The lack of focus in her eyes said it all. Wherever her work was leading, she wondered if it’d be a place she could walk no more. Something short term, like bed. Anything to avoid being forced down the road she’d travelled all before.

Through all the confusion, though, stood a pair of very clear desires. The longing in her arms to launch into the biggest hug manageable with her new dad, and the dryness of the lips longing to shower a blanketed baby boy in kisses. Two things reality denied the serving off. They became the drivers to her train of her thoughts, like the one she often dreamt about. The carriages could be full of the happiness the motel group would bring but what good was it if none was being taken in the right direction? It all drove back to AJ, and the incomparable misery of his absence.

She looked down to her side, and pretended her little boy was walking beside her like nothing ever happened. Just the two of them. On the road again. Together. She extended a hand, pretending he’d taken hold of it. Her lips twitched downwards as the two continued on hand in hand. His goofy smile was the source of so much of her strength, and now in its transparent figure, when the phantom returned her stare... it broke her. 

Her feet came to a stop. She _ tried _letting go of AJ, but then the power station happened. The unfinished house happened. How could she possibly accept he’s gone if she held him in her arms only nights prior? 

A passing breeze grazed the palm of her hand. Somehow, the cool tickles hurt more than her leg. When it came to the cold, she always thought of AJ. How she raised him in it. How she should still be there, holding him in her arms. And ultimately, how she couldn’t live in a world without him.

Look what she did to Katjaa this morning. Someone so sweet, so innocent. Someone voluntarily offering help at every step. Someone undeserving to be challenged by the eyes of a bloodthirsty killer. She took the hand off her stomach and covered her face in shame. 

_ I don’t deserve their help. _

What if she hadn’t been able to stop? She could’ve elbowed, slapped, punched her. The possibilities were endless, and all it would’ve taken was one more second without thinking. Could she guarantee no-one would be hurt the next time she lost her temper? Or the next? Or the next after that? To her, it was a simple formula. The longer she stayed with them, the longer they were in danger. 

Clem gave the hollow boy another glance. Even if all she really saw was the road, her eyes couldn’t leave his image, looking for a chance he really could be in her life again. But all she saw was confusion. Tricks and taunts. As the hopelessness brought the brunette back to the tears she still couldn’t allow herself to cry, her hand hesitantly let go of her own deceiving trick.

To get out of the scorching heat and go back to the cold. That’s all she wanted. She’d always been happy in the cold…. All of them were happy in the cold. It all went downhill the moment they left. So… if she just went back... then all of her problems would disappear. And the only way to do that... was to fall for the same hope that kept crushing her time and time again. Following the pattern so far, the moment returning to them was her only desire, the odds of it happening went down to nil. 

_ AJ, Kenny… Lee… I don’t know what to do… I just don’t know anymore. _

Her head bobbled in surveying her surroundings. It craned upwards a few seconds later to a building on the left reading, “_ Harry’s Hikes, Hills, and Thrills _”. With a deflated sigh, she trudged inside without a real thought for what it could offer. 

A small group of walkers stood amid a pile of rubble, or what would’ve been the store’s products. Rails had toppled, shelves had fallen, and the place was clearly looted. The palleted walls free from any obstructions faintly shone in the light pouring through the shattered windows as Clementine’s eyes lazed aimlessly around a shop turned landfill. 

A footwear section at the rear face of the building grabbed her minimal attention. Stepping over a range of coats, hats, even bodies, she wandered over and found a pair of boots almost exactly like her own scattered amongst the other products. The citizens of Macon either didn’t know what would be important in the apocalypse, or they _ did _and died trying to get them. The walkers in and around the store probably agreed with the latter.

Slipping the new shoes on, she needed to take only a step for a ghost of a smile to appear on her lips. They didn’t fit. _ Of course _ they didn’t fit. Great... One of the only pairs of boots she could see and they were useless.

The energy to be mad simply didn’t exist. In a quest to find any silver lining possible in her misadventures, that was it. It felt nice in a way... Like the rabid animal that’d escaped her broken heart had been sedated. With what could hardly be called anger falling as quick as it rose, she sighed again and half-assedly dug around to find something else. Most - if not all except the pair previously checked - only came up to the ankle. Shin-high was a bare minimum. It outstanded her that footwear was once designed for hobbies such as hiking and not to protect yourself from bites and permanent trauma. What a crazy world they all once lived in.

Reminding herself of the shop, a hiking store probably wasn’t the best to go to for her specific design. She guessed the ‘Thrills’ part of the name implied it offered somewhat of a larger range of practical items. If she found one decent pair, then there had to be another.

Rummaging through the fallen shelves showed just how awkward her shoe size was. She’d gone through another promising pair that was just too short before hitting the jackpot. Beneath a parka tossed across the room unveiled a hidden treasure: boots much like her own but with a brown leather finish, pastel orange laces, two buckles around the top and a golden zip down the inner sides. All in a package ever so slightly taller than her current pair (or one in this case). 

“Please don’t be bad…”

Neatly covering her shins in a new style, she turned the destroyed floor space into a mini catwalk for a test drive. And the results… weren’t a perfect fit. They were a little too big. But. _ But _. It was workable. ‘Little’ being the key word. An insole or two and she wouldn’t be able to tell the difference from the old and the new. And if this was a hiking store…

_ Those would probably work. _

In a corner littered with general accessories and equipment was a mostly untouched row of shelves with one displaying the key to unlocking the full treasure: an entire section of insoles, albeit with many fallen to the floor all for the taking.

A few minutes later, Clementine was ready to stroll out the front door. The extra padding added made not only the boots fit better, but also provided a boost in all-round comfort, too. Seeing herself with both feet _ and _both being covered by walker stomping material… it brought the faintest of smiles to her face. Looking like this, it was as if she’d never had the ‘accident’, and everything else that came after. She silently marvelled at the nostalgic sight, twisting and turning her reborn foot to fully appreciate it after giving the leg another quick scratch.

_ Still Not Bitten… _she mused, riding the short wave of excitement while it lasted. Despite the ongoing list of troubles stalking in her shadow, it was impossible to deny the enjoyment of a new, shiny pair of shoes. If it weren’t for the fact that footwear basically meant walker-killing weaponry, she would’ve thought this was an experience any normal girl was supposed to have. Oh well, close enough. She was happy with them, and that’s all that counts. Semi-normal would have to do.

That just left her old boot and mom’s running shoe retired on the floor. At the end of the day, they were still shoes that fit her. That in itself was hard to come by. They’d do as spares if any other ‘accidents’ were to happen.

Climbing her way through the rubble over to a wall proudly displaying a small ‘Backpacks’ sign, she dipped her hands into the sea of store products until pulling out another few prizes._ You know, it would’ve been really helpful if I just brought my pack from Ericson’s with me, _ she annoyingly thought upon crouching besides a new batch to choose from, with most being larger than the one left behind at the school.

Picking at random, her guardians came to mind as she held one in front of her. She wasn’t the only person who could benefit from them. Even if, for _ whatever _reason, she wouldn’t be able to attend the next trips into the city, a backpack each would make their lives that much easier.

Getting them home was the only problem. Carrying more than three over her shoulders sounded far too awkward. Looking back and forth at the sizes of each pack, it didn’t take long for her to arrive at a solution.

Stacking them inside one another like Matryoshka dolls, Clementine slung over her shoulder a leaning tower of backpacks peaking to the top of her cap as it swayed. As with the boots, it was workable. Not sparing a thought for how it might look, she backtracked to her fallen shoes, slung them into the top open pack and ventured out of the store, slightly uplifted by the success of her findings. “Harry’s Hikes, Hills, and Thrills...”

“Whoever you are, Harry… Thanks.”

**(?) Optional Objective Update:**

  * New pair of boots ✓
  * Backpack(s) ✓
  * Weapons ☐
  * Gifts ☐

Now, where to next?

The same path only led to the series of shops already passed devolving into a housing estate. Inconveniently, that was the only road she was familiar with, recalling walking it following the dreaded car ride into the city. As the current route offered nothing more in the way of scavenging anything worthwhile, Clem stepped into the unknown with tracking every passing sign for an eye-catching name.

The search was relatively short lived. Her experienced sense of direction brought her to believe she’d taken a wrong turn along the way as her feet stood on the edge of a main road leading out of the inner city. At the end of the trail she’d embarked upon was a disconnect between the pattern thought to be established as the town’s structure. Near the drug store were rows upon rows of buildings acting as walls to the big maze that was downtown, but across from her lost position presented a wide open space, the result of passing by so many growing gaps in the walls gone unnoticed until her downcast gaze was met with grass. From left to right was a gas station, the occasional tree dotted around, a fast food restaurant, and a store just smaller than the station called… “Vintage Firearms”? 

Gun shop. Good enough.

Human-like shadows covered nearly every inch of the windows. Rather hesitantly, she retrieved the weapon residing in her back pocket and silently prayed she wouldn’t have to use it again today. Excuses to uncover any remnants of unsatisfied anger resting for its next grand performance were ones she really didn’t want, nor could handle.

She couldn’t lose control now, not if there was a chance of seeing AJ the moment she lost consciousness. If he could really be alive then she needed to protect, not endanger him. Just like she used to, before he... 

She took a deep breath, visualising the air flowing through her body. Her thoughts were filled with assurances - even if they weren’t true - telling her that she was, in fact, in control of herself and could pose no threat to her loved ones. 

_ I’m not dangerous. I won’t act like a monster again. I am in control. I’m in control… _

Such mantras only made her feel ashamed for needing them in the first place. After taking the time to review her mental stability, she marched on over to the gun shop screwdriver in hand to find some upgrades to the group’s arsenal.

Passing by a trio of cop cars at the entrance, her eyes widened as the double doors slid against shards of broken glass. It was worse than she thought. The people of Macon knew what was important after all.

_ Ho-ly shitbird... _

10, 20, _ 30… _there were too many to count. For the relatively small shop as it was, only a couple of steps could be taken before going toe to toe with another of her rage’s play toys. Corpses that’d stayed on the ground with the occasional bullet through the head and shell casings scattered around were like stepping stones to traversing the shop floor. 

Now that she was standing among them, it suddenly became apparent how _ human _these walkers looked, especially the odd few dressed neatly in police uniform. Their skin wasn’t falling off, wrinkled, or even severely diluted of any colour. Compared to those she faced back at Ericson’s, these ones looked like… people, not monsters. Did that make her feel bad for them? Maybe. Did that mean she’d show them the slightest bit of remorse? No. Monsters were monsters, exactly how she’d taught AJ. And it was all thanks to her hesitance that he was seconds away from becoming one of them.

Shaking her head from the constant reminders of her son, she forced herself to refocus on the task at hand. The walls, the racks, the glass showcases - they were all empty. A sight initially disappointing to most, but not to her. With all the corpses laying around and the ones that hadn’t the chance to leave, where did that leave the guns these people were all after? Right there in the store. 

As with her boots, she got knee deep in the rubble in search of more buried treasure. In such a populated store, it didn’t take long to produce results. The silver of a pistol barrel shined in the pocket of a floor-ridden corpse. Flipping the body over, the weapon slid out of the man’s shallow jeans onto the main stage of a massacre’s remains. She was stunned, silent at the sight. Out of all pistols, it had to be _ that _one. One that meant her immediate future undeniably had a reliable protector, but not without casing her hand with ashes of the traumatising past. She knew full well how reliable it was... because she’d caused a massacre of her own. The Colt M1911. The weapon… no, her partner in charging her way through McCarroll Ranch to rescue AJ. The sole reason guns had become a last resort.

~~

_ McCarroll Ranch _

There was a nervous, but caring voice flowing through the opened door. “Sorry… Sorry… So sorry. D-don’t worry. W-we’re leaving soon. I’ve just gotta grab a few things...” 

“AJ?” 

The guard turned around, drawing her gun on first sight. “No! I won’t let you-”

_ BANG! _

~~

Clem could still see the look on the nurses’ face with a bullet cutting through her cheek. They were all innocent. They were all trying to help him, and she gunned them down without a second thought. She would tell herself she couldn’t possibly have known at the time, but… the memory was ingrained in her much like the manufacturer details were ingrained on the Colt. They were markings that would last forever.

The tumbling of a walker tripping over a body close by brought her thoughts back to the present. Her hand wrapped around the textured grip, watching the slide’s coated silver soak up and glint in the sparse sources of light as it raised. It wasn’t her preferred first choice but if it’d proven itself in protecting all she had left once before, then it would have to do it again. A gun that turned a suicide mission into a rescue was a helping hand no amount of trauma could refuse, and it being the physical reminder of her mistakes may be exactly what she needed to keep herself in check. She needed it.

Being able to loot from so many corpses, she rounded up enough ammunition to last her for months, especially with how little she generally used it. Good timing also happened to be on her side as the pistol _ used to shoot AJ with _ currently in use was down to its last few shots due to Lee taking it out on hunting trips. And, if she were being honest, she would much rather be constantly reminded of saving AJ despite its consequences rather than shooting him.

With an old partner in hand, she set out to see what else was on offer. Nothing else stuck out to her from the front, so she scooted her way through the crowds of walkers to the back of the store. A pair of legs hung out from around the counter like bait on a fishing rod. She tiptoed closer, confused by the complete lack of activity coming from the area. Expecting to find multiple walkers to jump out around the corner, she peered round to once again, have her expectations blown.

A body with a bullet through the head had an arm extended and reaching out to a fallen dead cell phone and M16. That wasn’t all. A stockpile of machine guns, shotguns, rifles, possibly one of everything the store had in stock was amassed in a jumbled mess behind the counter. She quickly looked over the body’s black shirt and the yellow logo proudly on display.

“Vintage Firearms - Bringing High Quality Classics To A New Decade”

_ This guy must’ve dealt with more than he could handle... _ She thought upon finishing the inspection. Whether it was him directly or the ‘customers’ still walking around the store, somehow a bunch ended up here which was all she needed to know. The problem was that she couldn’t carry them all at once, though something did catch her eye.

Out of the store colleague’s uniform she pulled out a knife almost, if not identical to that of the one she left at Ericson’s apart from the handle’s paled shade of black from a presumed long line of service. She and Louis _ really _should’ve put more thought into their plan, huh. To find a model so similar to what she was already comfortable with was music to her inner demon’s ears. In terms of satisfaction, it’d be a major upgrade from a screwdriver. The blade being longer, being able to slash at her targets... It must've been her lucky day. 

...And just like that, any hints of madness awakening at the grip of the knife was quickly put back to sleep after that word popped up again. 

_ Ugh, moving on... _

Clem scratched her chin in deciding what to do next. Staring at the goldmine of weapons, she formed a potential plan. _ You know… We already have a couple back at the motor inn for watch and hunting. I don’t actually need to take any of them right now. _ She briefly glanced over at the small horde behind her. _ And with this amount of walkers… no one but me’s ever gonna try their luck in here. The bandits, the St Johns… If… When we ever need the firepower, I know exactly where to get it. I can always come back later. Yeah, this pistol and knife’ll do me for now. But it also doesn’t hurt to be safe… _

In the corner of the room was a foldable plastic table lined with various weapon manuals and guides. Clearing it of the books, she carried it back to the counter and let it drop against the back wall so that it blocked the stash out of sight from anyone tall enough to spot it from the entrance. And with that, she was done. Two for her today, many for the group in the future. She could think of worse backup systems to fall back on.

**(?) Optional Objective Update:**

  * New pair of boots ✓
  * Backpack(s) ✓
  * Weapons ✓
  * Gifts ☐

Only one thing left. She stepped out into the sunlight and headed back towards downtown, having no idea how long a ‘shopping’ spree could last. The sun was still in the sky, meaning she had all the time in the world to find something special for everyone. And by ‘everyone’, that also included Lilly.

Now that her mind was free from her demon’s whispers (at least for the time being), Clementine had the opportunity to reflect on the woman’s actions since they met in the drug store. The truth was clear as day - this wasn’t the same Lilly that attacked the school. Even Louis would agree.

The former raider in this timeline had already once tried apologising for her dad’s behaviour and even tried coming to Clem’s defense this morning. That counted for something. She had to try making things right. Her mental health was depending on it. Kenny’s hat was brought to her hands again, her own personal symbol of hope. 

...Hope tarnished by her recent actions. It only dawned on her now the promise broken amid the bloodshed spilt in the alleyway. Keeping her in check was its sole purpose, to protect her from the ‘angry version’ of herself pulling all the strings. She held her head in shame.

_ “Clementine, will you promise me that when this hat’s on your head, you won’t let this ‘angry version’ of yourself take over? I really don’t wanna see you any more stressed.” _

She’d failed him. 

“Oh… _ Fuck _.”

Where they had betrayed her in searching Warner Robins, she had betrayed him and the trust he placed in her. All of a sudden, her findings didn’t feel so rewarding. 

The boots, the backpacks, the gun, the knife… They were all prizes won from the claw machine by the very thing she’s promised to keep at bay. Every time the rage consumed her was like finding another coin - in the end, she came out with more prizes, but at what cost? Their trust, their faith, everything that mattered to her. Going back to tell him would be the hardest part.

She wasn’t stupid, either. She overheard what they were talking about in the drug store. The amount of trust they placed in her so far had been enough to delay their ongoing suspicions, but with that layer of protection at risk, they could start taking further steps towards discovering the truth at any moment. Thinking she was outright insane instead of their ongoing denial would soon become the reality for them all.

The road ahead reminded her of the town still waiting to be scavenged. The hat returned to her head, Clementine finding a new reason to wear it of what now might be the last time. For breaking the promise for having such a prized possession, she made one thing crystal clear: she was going to find them the best gift possible no matter how long it may take. Even if it meant next to nothing in atoning for her record of sins, it was the least she could do. They deserved better than a promise breaker.

Or if nothing else, it might help keep them quiet.

Getting ready to head back out onto the road, the brunette started feeling so, so lonely believing the layer of trust between her and Kenny was shattered, she began commentating the uncovered day’s events to herself, not stopping for any embarrassment she might have felt along the way. “Ever since the trouble with my leg, this little trip hasn’t gone too badly, I guess... It was good to take my mind off things for a little while, anyway.” She looked down, faintly smiling at the boots she was already growing to love. “Don’t underestimate the power of new shoes.” 

Despite the new boots looking just as beautiful as her old ones, it was _ weird _seeing her left foot back to its old ways. A sense of curiosity came over her, and before long, she found herself tapping it against the floor. Tapping soon turned to stomping, and gradually getting stronger, she eventually imitated kicking the walker under the truck when a violent shiver shot through her bones.

“Fuck! Okay... Still not good!” she winced while hopping a step back. Her attempts at shaking away the concentrated wobbliness proved to be pointless as everything inside her boot surrendered to the tingly sensation. “Okay… Note to self, don’t aggravate your foot. I’m sure it’ll be fine if I just take it slow. Yeah…”

Shuffling the backpacks tilting to one side, Clem refocused back on the ongoing mission. “Once I’m done finding stuff they might like, I’ll head down to the river so I can wash off all this blood and get back to my room like nothing ever happened.” Heading around a corner leading to the centre of the walker infested shopping district, she adjusted the therapy cap and lowered her head. “Let’s go.”

***

_ A Few Hours Later… _

The sun was falling. The darker blues settling beside the clouds usually meant dinner would be served at any minute, keeping up the pressure to maintain a good pace back uphill to her room despite various growing aches and pains. Lilly distributing the evening’s rations determined whether or not her departure from the group would be noticed, something she’d much rather avoid. The second her tired feet arrived at her room’s window, the most problematic outcome stared her right in the face.

“Oh shit…”

She could see straight through her bathroom, into the main bedroom and out to the parking lot through the doors she purposefully left shut. Coming off a quick pit stop to the stream for a wash, a mostly cleaner Clementine dropped her backpacks inside before climbing back in herself. Hiding everything wasn’t looking to be possible. With her clothes clean from blood marks along with that awful smell, she hoped the more gruesome details of the day could be kept to herself.

While a certainly worried Katjaa was out of sight, Clem snuck back into her bedroom to drop the concrete blocks that was her tower of backpacks. The sound of heavy footsteps circling the parking lot outside became the countdown for her continued act of hiding. There was no time to waste. She took the heaviest, or rather, the only pack holding anything but another backpack and gave herself a minute to reorganise. 

**Inventory:**

  * Pills
  * Singular boot
  * Singular running shoe
  * Gifts
  * Water bottle
  * Screwdriver
  * Knife
  * AJ’s pistol (SIG-Sauer P226)
  * M1911 (Model: Colt MK IV Series 70)
  * Ammunition
  * Energy bar wrapper
  * Photo of Lee

She held the ripped photograph in front of her. The paper quivered in her weak grip; it presented yet another terrible mistake only coming to light from the fire of so many others. With the loss of a certain two people lingering over her and rising by the day, having it in her possession felt almost disrespectful. If she took the time to save something of Lee, then why didn’t she do the same for her parents?

She wanted to slam her head against a wall. Sure, she had her hat, but… There was a photo by the answering machine right there for the taking. Hell, she’d seen if for herself, even gone as far to mourn their deaths over it. So why the hell didn’t she pick it up? The guilt became the icing on the cake to another shitty day. It was like she’d failed them too, forgotten them, deemed them unimportant. That was the first time Clem had seen them in any shape or form since Savannah right in the middle of that undead horde. For the colour in their eyes to not have faded to grey, their skin not decayed of any life, her heart ached to see it again, regardless of it being just a picture. No matter how much she might have wanted it now, going back to her house was nothing more than a childish dream. 

_ Why? _ She thought, coming to a miserable realisation. _ Why did we have to go back to the day I met Lee? If we’d only gone back a few more, I… I could’ve saved them. They could be alive right now. Instead... _

Clementine sighed, adding another regret to the bottomless pit burying her for years. The death plaguing her every adventure became the dirt tumbling down at every step. There was no escape, not anymore. She’d accepted that. Maybe when it wasn’t so deep, but now? AJ and her parent’s corpses were tossed inside, causing a universal blackout blocking any last glimmer of light guiding her climb to freedom. At first she struggled, burning through any remaining hopes of breaking free to find said light still extending a forgiving hand.The unfinished house was her one and only chance, and now that that was probably gone too, her fingers dug no more. They _ couldn’t _dig anymore. She was buried alive.

“I’m sorry, mom and dad…”

She stood in silence staring into Lee’s portrait before reorganising on a sluggish autopilot. The trash joined the rest in the tableside trash can, the old shoes went under the bed, the screwdriver and P226 - of which she still didn’t know why AJ had in the first place in favour of his regular revolver, though chalked it up to Louis’ meddling - went in a drawer, the gifts-

“Just where the hell is she?!”

“I don’t know… I don’t know! Do you think she left anything in her room, _ something _to tell us where she went? We need to double check.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right! I’ll take a look.”

Footsteps thundered in her direction. Whoever it was, they couldn’t see the packs. She simply lacked the strength to deal with them finding out. With no time left to hide the gifts, the troubled teen walked outside and closed the door behind her, much to the sudden surprise of Lee a few feet away. “Clementine!”

She watched with dull eyes as he made an abrupt sprint to close the small gap between them. He stood, almost jittery on the spot, not knowing how to express the surprise and great relief plastered over his face. “A-Are you alright? Where were you?”

Her gaze drifted off into the distance away from the man in the photograph. She spoke lowly, the hopelessness of her voice speaking louder than her words. “Oh… Hey, Lee.”

As his relief degraded into worry, she noticed behind him Katjaa making for a speedy approach of her own. Before long, she was under fire from the same questions as the two pried for answers. Clem couldn't find the words to say even if she _ wanted _ to speak. "I…" she forced out, shrugging when an excuse didn't come to her.

Seconds rolled by in silence; both of the adults stumbled in their questioning. Katjaa, coming to an understanding faster than Lee, was reminded of the search party they'd sent out to find her. "...Ken's only just set off. Lee, radio to tell them she's here, please?"

"Oh, right. Yeah." Her eyes narrowed on the radio brought to his face. Another small difference to what was otherwise a similar chain of events for this refreshed world. “Kenny, you there? Clem came back. She’s fine.”

It buzzed to life not even a second later with an excited, and like the others, heavily relieved voice on the other end. “Really!? She’s there? Put her on!” 

Lee handed it over which she accepted rather hesitantly. The last time she talked to someone at the motel over one of these things... was _ that _guy. She could hear his voice even now, that deceivingly sweet manipulation her 9-year old self’s judgement innocently fell for. Blinking away another tape from her collection of bad memories, the moment she placed a finger over the button, Katjaa stepped in with sharpened eyes. “Kenny, do not use the radio and drive at the same time!”

“I’m not! I’m not! But is she there? Clem?”

Katjaa stared deep into the speaker, her gaze flickering in a flash to Clementine every other second. She opened her mouth to speak having the same lack of words as before, wondering more about Kat’s serious behaviour when the subject regarded the two ball-cap buddies together. “H... Um… Hello?”

“Clem!” The voice boomed through interference. “Oh, thank God. What happened? You okay, darlin’?”

The term rang around her head with its endearment. It might’ve brought the faintest of smiles to her face if he stood before her and not on the end of another fossil dating back to her troubled past. “Yeah… yeah, I’m… I’m alright,” she disclosed unconvincingly to everyone, especially when it came to herself.

Life father like son, the sound of their ‘leader’s’ voice alone was all Kenny needed to be put at ease. She stood there savouring the last moments of his own, being able to pretend he was away in that snowy environment instead of on the urban road. He continued, “We found a mountain of food but goddamn, that’s the best news I’ve heard all day… All right, we’re comin’ back. Hold on, Mark!”

“What’re you- Woah!” Was the last they heard from the newest addition to the group before the radio abruptly cut off. Katjaa, for one, didn’t hide how unimpressed she was. So much for driving safely.

Clem’s golden eyes were fixed on the receiver speaker, unable to focus on the overlapping thoughts playing inside her head. The others stood around awkwardly, Katjaa’s expression only becoming further lost after the radio exchange had finished while Lee began scratching the back of his head. Nobody knew what to say, and the two adults didn’t want to force any answers she didn’t want to give. 

The trio turned towards the road hearing the distant gasps for gas of an engine working under the pedal of an urgent Kenny. Noticing the empty couches by the RV, the idea of rest became the only matter of importance - to be able to just accept the darkness of her mind’s guilt-induced blackout instead of the monotonous attempts to escape failed throughout the day.

She dragged her left foot almost like a walker against the floor, limping on the way to the seat when the chance of returning to AJ came to mind. That, or a dream about the power station could substitute. Anything with them. Anything at all. How she once loathed the idea of another day of snow, but how she’d take it all back in a heartbeat if it meant _ he _could live again. It was the entire reason for her being there. She became so lost in her imagination that the truck pulling into the motel had gone by unnoticed until the couch was mere steps away. 

“Clem!”

“Huh?” Her unfocused gaze was unexpectedly met with Kenny running towards her, and before long, crashing straight into her with a tight hug much to the intrigue of a watchful Katjaa. For a split second, she caught a glimpse of Lee hanging back with a look that could only be described as disappointment.

“Oh my God! We’ve been so worried! Thank God you’re okay...” She let her eyes drift to a close, entering herself into her sleepiness's home while the words burst from the worried fisherman. Like this, it was no different to holding his older counterpart, one who’s trust in each other was stronger than ever. The worry of her own clamped around her chest since the morning was finally released, his comfort alleviating the girl from her many pains for the short while it remained. 

The dust of her depleted energy was swept into the first genuine smile of the day. Clementine’s arms moved on their own to return the gesture, granting her shaky legs permission for throwing the responsibility of balance onto Kenny’s chest as she fell straight into it. Such a hug was a long time coming, and next time, she hoped it wouldn’t take going through Macon and back to enjoy his embrace. A breath of laughter needed suppressing before it could escape. After today, happiness was practically a stranger. “Hi, Kenny...” 

“Hey there, Clementine…” he softly replied, his voice as deep as the care quickly establishing itself in her name. They could’ve stayed there for the rest of the day and she’d have been happy. Sitting together beside the fireplace as the moon drifted along a sea of shining stars... If there was anything she _ did _want out of this world, it was to give something like that another shot. 

Time would not call for her wishes, however, as Katjaa fell under the impression that Clem’s distant behaviour applied to her husband, too. Trying not to cause offense, she whispered, “Ken, give her some space.”

“...Right. Uh, sorry. Don’t know what came over me.”

Having become lost in a dreamy-like state inside his hold, her arms were left dangling in the air as he pulled back, holding out for the hug that was no longer there. Heat swelled in her cheeks from the concerned glances coming from all angles.

The awkward silence served not only to embarrass her, but also to highlight the new pair of footsteps approaching the group. Kenny, trying to distract the visibly timid teen, used their newest group member to his advantage. “So... Clem, this is Mark. He helped us get all this food back from the air force base. Uh, sorry about that by the way. You know, leavin’ you an’ all.” 

Ignoring the annoyance for now, she sought to introduce herself to someone she already knew with the couch still calling for her much needed rest. It would’ve been an easy job, if it weren’t for Mark being unable to hide the eyes widening behind his glasses. “Jeez, you weren’t kidding…” he thought out loud.

Kenny answered for her. “What do you mean?”

“Uh-” he stuttered back, feeling the pressure of multiple raised eyebrows. “It’s just that she looks so ill. I know you mentioned she was sick but…. I didn’t think it would be this bad.” He looked back to her apologetically. “Sorry, probably should’ve kept my mouth shut. I didn’t mean to make things awkward for you, I’m just… surprised.”

“Weren’t we all…” Lee commented to the side.

Mentally shrugging, she offered a handshake and made for blunt introductions. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Been like this for days. I’m Clementine.”

Despite her pale skin giving him second thoughts, the two locked hands and formally introduced themselves. “Mark. Pleased to meet you.”

Too tired for her usual commanding presence, she explained their system through the heavy eyes looking for someone to pass the newcomer on to. “Watch routine shifts usually go by the hour. Volunteer however much you want. There’s uh…” Looking to see who was in the RV hot seat, her gaze bypassed Kenny who was oddly sniffing his arms to find Lilly keeping to herself. “... Lilly. She’ll show you the ropes. Hey, Lilly?”

The once raider’s glare lasted only a second before sympathy for Clementine’s sick display inevitably took over though not without any frustrations lingering on her tongue. “You’re back. Are you gonna be okay after…“ Lilly shook her head, not expecting to receive an answer overhearing Lee and Katjaa’s failed attempts. “...Nevermind. What do you want?”

“Could Mark come up with you to learn the basics so he can settle in?” she asked more as a plea than an order. When her old nemesis eventually agreed, she gestured Mark towards the RV and swivelled round to meet the glorious couch just waiting to be used as the perfect bed. Once she was on, she already knew she’d never want to get off. A timeout from the world’s constant beating, and maybe if she was really lucky, it would be her last round in the ring. Weren’t the punches supposed to stop if you already lost? She didn’t know anything anymore. She took her first step, and…

“What’s that smell?”

Pausing for a moment, Clem carried on limping forward, unconcerned for Kenny’s trivial question. The various sniffs circling the group didn’t grab her ear’s attention, but what _ did _made her feet freeze to the floor. 

“It smells like… those walkers.”

She took a deep breath, sensing the trio already staring at her in total shock.

_ ...Oh shit. _

Desensitisation wasn’t so helpful after all. She turned around slowly, her eyes only meeting the floor as she was sure everyone had arrived at the same conclusion. Katjaa in particular was scanning her head to toe, coming to another realisation possibly slipping right past the two guys. “And where did you get those new boots?”

Their reactions were exactly as expected, and exactly like she’d wished to avoid. She was barely audible, ambiguous replying, “Oh, um… _ Around _.”

Lee stepped forward, bending down on one knee. “Clem, we just want to know what you’ve put yourself through. Can you show me your weapon? That uh, screwdriver of yours?”

A hand moved for her back pocket. At least here there was no reason to object. It’d been cleaned down at the stream so any remaining evidence of her brutal killings had been washed away. She held it out and let them judge for themselves. 

“Clementine…” 

“What?” She didn’t understand why their shocked faces continued to rise after a straightforward reveal. Looking down at the weapon herself, she found another reason to find a suitable wall to slam her head into.

“...Where did you get this knife?”

Her mouth hung slightly open as the forgetfulness displayed in her hand simply dumbfounded her. It could’ve only been 5 minutes at most, and she’d completely forgotten about reorganising her arsenal. The screwdriver was in a drawer. The knife was in a pocket. Out with the old and in with the new. How could she possibly forget something that happened five minutes ago? Have a girl who’s too tired to think straight, that’s how.

_ You know what? _ She thought, impressed she could even think in the first place. _ I’m done. _ And without another word, Clementine crashed on the couch, shielding her eyes from the falling sun despite having Kenny’s hat to do so for her. As with everything else going wrong in her life, she just accepted her broken nature had finally spread to her brain, not in that it transformed her into a monster - _ that _was already demonstrated - but that her mind was instead actually broken.

Kenny tried to say something only for her to brush him off. Nothing would get in her way anymore. Such a concentrated impulse to hit the hay turned more into a desperate plea as another headache flourished in the chaos of the group’s surprise.

_ Please… let me fall asleep, pass out, slip into a coma, anything. I don’t care what… just get me out of this fucking nightmare… _

But the most important thing wasn’t herself. A pattern, however painful it could be, could be the very thing that saved her.

_ If falling asleep means I can see him again... Just hold on AJ. He’s been alone with those snakes almost a full day now, Oh God... Please be alright, I’m coming AJ- _

A door burst open like a grenade, blowing her eyes wide open, and off the hinges to her mind’s realm of madness. Only two people were missing from the parking lot, and only one with the ability to push her temper beyond all limits. “What’s all the ruckus? Wha- Just where the hell have you been!?”

She shot up. Larry was the final straw, and the spear-like stabbing in her stomach killed off any semblance of her tested patience for good. The self control she'd desperately clung onto snapped like a twig, her withering petals being burnt to crisp. All three of the surrounding spectators knew in an instant, Kenny mouthing, "Oh no…"

She screamed. She held her head in her hands and fucking screamed. Everyone took a step back, everyone except Larry. The self proclaimed monster flashed her fangs at him, barking, “Get the fuck over here! NOW!”

His march over exhibited the military experience responsible for toughening him, her demand leaving him completely unphased. Without a word he crossed his arms, sparking the dare, the _ challenge _ to crumble his towering presence as he awaited her next move. 

Both hands dove into her pockets. The shuffling of fabric orchestrated her search to silence him once and for all. From beneath her jacket’s shadow a hand enclosed itself in a firm grip. Her pride had no more hits left to take. It would be the end for the insults, the arguments, the conflict. Without a thought to spare, she struck straight into the centre of his chest. The terrified survivors circling around could only stand and watch the empty shell of a girl act solely on raw emotion as her arm rammed back and forth against his rib cage.

It was what she wanted. The walkers she killed in Macon, they were all imitations for what should’ve been this very moment. In the city was, as the silver lining, the relief of somewhat satisfying her rage, yet all she felt after experiencing the real deal was emptiness. 

A collection of capsules clattered against each other as bottled pills continuously rained into the man's arms. Clementine emptied her inside pockets of the medicine, glaring at a face of total, and utter shock. “There! You happy now? There’s your pills! _ Sorry _if I seem a tad frustrated, Macon wasn’t very welcoming with the entire city full of fucking walkers!”

Nobody moved. Larry couldn’t decide whether to look at her or the pills, his expectations positively shattered about her downplayed ability. Feeling the weight of a day’s struggle lifted from her shoulders, Clementine crashed back down onto the couch without a care for the other’s reactions. The only reaction she cared for was her own. Another full day of pain just to prove herself. And to who? Larry of all people? What a waste of effort it would’ve been, if only she knew what was worth her continued torture to begin with. In the end, all she felt was nothing but the fatigue of chasing a dream the girl could never reach. She stared off into the clouds, picturing her little Goofball waiting for her under another sky. A sky she may not be able to see ever again.

Handing the pills over to Katjaa, Larry dropped the opposing attitude, curiosity flashing in his eyes before they became fixed on an isolated corner of the motel. “Get up. I want to have a word with you,” was all he grumbled before clearing off to wait by the fortified wall. 

If only her tear ducts weren’t as dry as a desert. She wanted to cry; after everything the day had thrown at her, there was still more to do. It went straight to her face as she looked helplessly at her frightened friends, only to be solidified by how her actions had caused a united step away from her. Regretfully, and without emotion for her voice to claim, she asked, “Can someone help me up please?”

The question of who to help was parried around the anxious group until Kenny snapped out of whatever daze subdued him and rushed to her side before giving the others a chance. Helping get both her feet back on the ground, he had an endless supply of questions of his own. In a hushed voice only audible to the two, he asked, “You went into the city all by yourself? Even though you said it would be full of walkers?!”

Giving a drowsy nod, he quick-fired the next questions from his mountain of ammunition. “What the hell’d you do that for? Did you go in just for him? And you killed a bunch of them didn’t you? There’s no way you’d do all that just for his medicine!”

She couldn’t look him head on, her eyes barely meeting his own as she nervously clutched her arm. “...But what if I did?” 

“Huh?”

“But what if I did, and the only reason I went was because I got mad again?” She glanced over to Katjaa and around the lot for Duck who was still nowhere to be seen. Their safety was all in her hands; their lives depended on a once set devotion to making a better future, yet her palms favoured the showering of walker blood than the warmth of love her task rewarded.

_ I can’t keep that kind of promise. Not like _ ** _this_ ** _ ... _

_ How am I going to protect them? I couldn't even protect my own boy… And that was when I wasn't a freak. All I do is make things worse. _

_ I'm not there for AJ when he needs me over there. I won't be able to keep my promise here, either. My plan says it all… I'm the one who got Lee and Kenny killed, and at this rate it's going to happen all over again. They didn’t need me to build a wall. They didn’t need me to search Warner Robins. Not before, not now… _

_ Just as Louis was planning on taking Lilly out to save AJ, they’d be better off without me. It's been clear from the start… _

_ I shouldn't be here. _

"Yeah but… what about your boots? Or that knife? From the looks of things you went in for more than just pills."

“Just stop…”

“Wha...?”

The words slipped off her tongue. Clem never thought highly of her ability to front a lie of her true feelings, the only person who’d wholeheartedly fall for her tricks was a growing AJ, but even she was taken aback by the darkness breaking through her well-worn mask. “Uh- Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so… sad.” 

Despite the confusion surrounding these new depths to her regret-dug pit, the others didn’t deserve to be dragged down from their relatively happy lives. Her problems were hers alone. The classified information cursed upon her prevented any means otherwise. Why she was still hiding the truth in spite of already considering herself crazy was a question beyond her, but if she couldn’t answer her own, she could at least answer the people looking out for her. 

Tired as the bags under her eyes suggested, she followed up about her new boot and knife through telling yawns. “You already know about these, you may as well know about _ those _, too. In my room there’s a bunch of backpacks,” she said as Kenny looked to say something. “Don’t ask, alright? I thought you guys could use them. One of them’s a lot heavier than the rest, you’ll know what I mean. Could you bring it out here? Just… don’t look inside, or anything.”

While Kenny went for her room, she allowed herself to fall down to a sitting position on the couch and gestured for Katjaa and Lee to gather round. When he returned and the pack dropped to her feet, she looked at each of her carers with all the love her crying heart had left to give. “No matter what might happen to me, I just wanted to say thank you for everything you’ve done. I’m sorry for making everything worse all the time... and this probably isn’t anywhere near enough to atone for that, but… you deserve _ something _as thanks. So… I got you some things.”

“You brought us back gifts…?” Kenny asked in disbelief, though whether from being impressed at her survival or the unpredictability of her recklessness was unknown. “You went back through a city full of walkers... just for us?”

“Yeah…” she confessed while opening the bag. “There wasn’t as much killing involved as you might think but, um…” There they were, a small stash of items ready to be handed out. “I don’t think I’ve ever had people to find gifts for... “ Her voice trailed off, a realisation about her cut childhood that hurt more after saying out loud. “...So I don’t know if you’ll like them, but… I tried my best. Here...”

Ignoring the now sympathetic looks, she pulled out and handed the first item over to Lee. “It’s a poster of the US showing where and when a bunch of wars happened. I couldn’t get a good look at the preview ‘cuz the rack was busted but there should be information about them, too. I just thought you might like it,” she explained sheepishly, the nerves of her first shopping trip settling in waiting for his reaction. “Um, I thought it might be nice to have in your room if you like that sort of thing…” 

“This is…” He unrolled the poster, his face lighting up for every drawn piece of his chosen teaching subject’s material as it unfolded. It was the length of nearly both his outstretched arms, a bit bigger than expected. “This is like what I had in my room when I taught up at UGA. Gettysburg… Parker’s Run… Lots of civil war locations…” He brought the poster closer, ironically, getting lost in the map and it’s various contents, smirking, “...My kind of history. How’d you know I’d like something like this?” He innocently asked, though unintentionally or not earning a glance from Kenny. 

“Oh…” As the chance to reveal part of the truth presented itself, her stomach happily reminded her of why that was a bad idea after all. In no way did she want a repeat of her breakdown from Kenny’s glare in the unfinished house’s car. Just picturing it prodded the fear reawakened inside her. Pushing her nerves any further was a test she was not volunteering for. Lying it was. “You guys were talking outside my room and I overheard you saying you were a teacher once so… it was kind of a…” Sighing, she forced out, “..._ Lucky _ guess.”

Pleased with his new decoration, he rolled it up and stood to the side, giving space for the others and their turns. “Thanks Clementine. I’ll hang it up later.”

Nodding, she turned to Katjaa who for not one second thought her constant worrying throughout the day would result in such a reward. From the backpack’s depths she retrieved a series of books and handed them to the mother, visibly not knowing what to do with herself. “Here… I know you used to work as a vet, so I picked out some books that looked like they had some stories about animals in. I don’t know if you even like reading but… that’s all I could find. Sorry if you don’t like them...”

“Oh… It’s not that, I left a lot of my books back home so this is a lovely surprise,” she assured, backed up by her blue orbs shining as they flickered from cover to cover. “It’s what you said earlier... ‘_ No matter what might happen to me _…’” Katjaa proceeded to kneel beside her, the motherly support infused in the next line of the script making it impossible for a hurting girl such as herself to trivialise. “I will say it as many times as I need to. We’re not going to let anything bad happen to you, sweetie, okay? We will protect you just as you have you protected us. It’s what we promised down by the stream, remember?” 

She could only give a small, mirthless smile in response. Did Katjaa’s statement include what she might do to herself? Or let happen to herself for that matter? Running away into the city was far too easy. For an experienced survivor such as herself, it was almost amusing: these people had absolutely no idea how bad the world really was. Whether that was the demons knocking at their door outside the motel’s walls, or the demons dragging her through the door to her mind’s madness by the day. The smile built upon her inner conflict maintained its shape in her unnaturally relaxed reply. “Yeah. I remember.”

For a brief moment she noticed Lee looking around confused, likely from his absence from her and the family’s little heart-to-heart. Choosing not to press his uncertainty, Kat was given time to finish up. “We all know how much you’ve been through, rest assured there’s nothing for you to worry about here. It’s all thanks to your own doing. Thank you very much for the books, Clementine. I will have more than enough time to enjoy these,” she lightheartedly joked about their situation. Clem held up her smile until Katjaa joined Lee to the side, leaving an almost nervous looking Kenny next in line. 

“So… Christmas has come early for us, has it?” 

“You could say that. Don’t expect it to be wrapped, or anything,” she monotonously replied, her hand fumbling around the pack to find his present. “Oh no…”

“What’s wrong?”

Out she pulled a wooden model of a fishing boat, the closest she could find to the one he would often talk about, to find the flag formerly flying high had broken off and sunk to the bottom of the bag. “Fuck… _ Fuck _ , I’m sorry, I should’ve… _ Argh _ of course that would happen…” As Kenny came for a closer look, she could only allow her frustration to drag her features down when their eyes met, feeling terrible for ruining _ his _gift out of everyone’s. “Sorry, I-”

“You got this for me?” He asked excitedly, looking and acting like a kid rushing down the stairs on Christmas morning. “Would you just look at that!” Kenny took the model from her hands, no doubt letting his mind run through years of boating expertise. “Aw man, this is great. Don’t you go worrying about that flag pole now. I’ve had to put one of my own back together out at sea before, and that was in high winds. I’m pretty sure I can handle a few pieces of wood!” 

“Are you sure? I could-”

“No, Clementine, you are not going back into the city just to get me a new one,” he made clear, taking the words right out of her mouth. “Anyways, thanks a lot, Clem. You couldn’t have picked something better.” 

And there it was, that pride shining in his eyes. The look that made her want to run into his arms every time, and even through the blackout, was able to spark a glimmer of guiding light above the endless pit. She practically had to restrain herself from doing so as he leaned in to whisper, “Hey, can I talk to you for a sec? When you’re done with loudmouth over there?” 

Talking to him alone? After what she did in the city? She pulled herself together before a shudder could go noticed. The broken promise hid behind the smiles they’d shared, only now was she starting to feel its effects being so close to the man whose eventual response was unguessable. For what his older counterpart was capable of, the dread kept deep inside began to awaken from its short slumber. 

From over the couch she could make out Larry looking impatient from the fingers tapping against his crossed arms. “Uh… S-Sure…” she finally answered. With little time to spare, delivering the remaining presents quick enough to not give another reason to upset her headache any further became top priority. “Is Duck around? I haven’t seen him."

“He shut himself in his room since we found out you were gone. Did you get something for him, too?” Answering with an affirmative nod, Kenny left to find his unusually distant son. She leaned back, her head falling against the couch’s cushion to listen in and maybe pick up a hint. 

“Duck? Duck, you in there? Yeah… Yeah, she came back… And she went and got you a present, wanna come see?” 

In the span of however long it takes to blink, Duck left his dad in the dust, starting his own race from his room to where Clem was the finish line. "You're back! You didn't leave!"

No-one but her could imagine the type of situation these reactions placed her in. AJ was still waiting in the snow, she'd gone as far to choose to stay there over the motel, but… the relief on everyone's faces, how happy they were to see her safe… it might've left her more conflicted than ever before.

"No… I… I didn't," she settled with, distracting herself in rummaging around the backpack. "I picked these up when I was looking for Katjaa's books. Thought you might like them." Over to the excitable boy she handed a small stack of comics. "They're S-"

"Super Dinosaur?! Cool!!" 

She could practically see the fireworks popping in his head. Hoping not to get cut-off so quickly again, Clem tried explaining what she knew about the issues, knowing full well that hope was probably more laughable than any hopes of her plan actually working, be it the old or new. “Yeah… I just grabbed what I could. I think they go up to the first big fight with Max Maximus, so-”

Another firework was lit, a gasp deafened the air around them as Duck gawked with gaping eyes. “You know about Super Dinosaur?!”

_ I spent three months listening to it non-stop… How _ ** _could _ ** _ I forget? _

Once another yawn finished swaying her towards the makeshift bed beneath her. She only dared nodding while rubbing her eyes. Who knew such a simple movement of the neck could instigate what would be such a terrible mistake…

“_ Oh my Gosh _! You’re awesome!! Have you read them?? Do you know that bit where Super Dinosaur…”

_ Oh God, what have I done? _

“Ducky, please, give her some space. Clementine is very tired.” Katjaa’s rescue couldn’t have come sooner enough. Amending a previously made point, it was clear that out of both Larry and Duck, both had the power to manipulate her temper on a whim where her current impatient state was concerned.. Whereas Larry used traditional methods, Duck on the other hand… her ears begged for mercy.

He took a step back, apologetic in his pose. “Oh, okay. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, don’t... worry about it…” The yawns were only getting deeper, with each newest one chaining her legs to the couch tighter than the last. There was still Lilly, then Larry, then Kenny… combine all that with the incessant heat ringing her thumping head dry of all sweat and the result was the urge to tighten the chains herself. She had to move else none of it was happening. “Can someone help me up, please?”

Getting an arm from Katjaa, she didn’t say a word with her sights solely set on the RV a short distance away. The others weren’t expecting such an abrupt exit however, as Lee reached out, taking hold of an arm before she could escape. “Clem, hold on a sec!”

Grumpy was something she never considered herself, but adding another matter to attend to without a care to spare for almost any made for quite the grumpy attitude. With a tremendous sigh, she asked, “What is it?”

“Well… While we’re still together, do you want us to do anything? Or, uh, is there anything we should do?”

“Yeah…” Kenny agreed, the inquiry to their ‘leader’ gaining immediate backing. How they still viewed her with such high regard after the mess she left herself in truly amazed her. Nevertheless, it took her thoughts barely any time to gather up possible tasks from a to-do list generated on the spot. 

“Okay, fine…” She turned back round, leaving her commanding persona to rest and instead giving it to them straight. “Lilly and Mark are already on watch, good… Kenny, you had time to check the fish traps today?”

“Nah. We’ve been out all day.”

“Okay, go do that. And if you haven’t got started on those spears, find some wood and stones lying around and we’ll see what we can do. The faster we have them, the better.” Despite it meaning her health would take a hit, his safety was still top priority. “Actually, it might be dangerous… I can’t let you go alone out there. I’ll go with you.”

“Oh no you don’t,” Lee interjected. “_ You _ are going to bed. I’ll go down, too. Don’t worry.” 

With the two of them together, she deemed it a safe enough trip if it only meant going as far as the stream. Walkers were scarce, she encountered barely any, if any at all during her cleaning detour. Deeming the new conditions acceptable, she nodded and turned to Katjaa.

“Katjaa, while Lilly’s busy, look through and sort out the food we got from Warner Robins. Just be sure to tell her how you’ve organised it since she’s the one I’ve got handling the rations. Can you do that?” When Katjaa seemed happy with her task, the day’s adventure brought something else to mind. “One more thing, you remember that shopping list I asked you to write? You know, about things you might want from the city?”

“Yes, though I have not gotten round to writing it. I did not think you were serious…”

“Well…” She tapped the backpack at her feet. “Now you know I am. Anything you might want, what any of you might want, anything at all. Write it down, and I’ll see what I can do. That’s pretty much it.” Finding herself finished, Clem turned her heels before announcing her departure. “I gotta talk to Lilly. See ya.”

As she walked off, Clementine thinned her lips overhearing Kenny commenting under his breath, “You aren’t scared of anything, are you…” though thankfully, having Duck to disway the conversation from progressing.

“Nope! She’s like a superhero! And superheroes aren’t scared of anything!”

The tired teen didn’t respond to his childish naivety. Her feet didn’t stop, and her mouth couldn’t contain the small chuckle summarising her thoughts on such confidence. _ If only he understood... Well, I’m pretty sure his parents do. What I told them in the drug store… Yeah, they definitely know. I’m afraid of something, alright… _ ** _Myself_ ** _ . _

The chatter of watch routines and survival stories redirected her attention to the sky, where an almost miserable looking Lilly was in conversation with an attentive Mark on top of the RV. She took a deep breath, constructing any form of defense possible against the violent outbursts capable of striking the second her old nemesis drew near. 

_ It’s okay… _ she thought, trying to calm herself down, _ this isn’t the same Lilly. This is someone who cares about people, not in the habit of stealing them. It’s okay, Clementine… She. Is not. The same. _ For however much it might’ve worked, there was one cruel, concrete reason that convinced her beyond any doubt. _ She’s a different person now, you know… _ ** _like you_ ** _ . She turned back into a nice person, and I turned into a… _

An answer like that need not repeat itself, for it was already a foregone and demonstrated conclusion. Kenny may have said otherwise, but unless something changed, no amount of support would change such a cold-hearted fact, at least, not in her eyes. 

While her mind became fixated on another monologue, one of the pair at work questioned the girl they’d watched walk by, only to stare blankly down to the floor. “Hey, Clementine… Do you need something?”

Lilly gave the impression she’d rather be anywhere but there. Waking up from her monologue’s punitive mental lullabies, Clem’s only intentions were getting straight to the point so to check off one of the last tasks for the day. With a sigh, she swallowed her pride and tried to make good with one of her rage’s main incentives.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for being harsh on you this morning. I didn’t mean to shout at you or anything, or your dad for that matter… Oh, and sorry for pretending to shoot you yesterday. I had a… A really bad dream.” She reached down into her pack, and handed up the gift chosen more as an apology than a present. “Here. It’s a build-your-own-model type thing of a fighter plane. I heard you used to work up at Warner Robins, so I thought you might like it. It’ll give you something to do when you’re bored and you can put it in your room when you’re done if you like doing that sort of thing… I didn’t really know if you actually liked the planes in the first place, but I… Um…”

Apologising to someone you hate is hard. At a loss for further justifications, she settled on giving a simple apology again and giving her time to look over the box. Misery took a turn in the right direction, as upon hearing the girl out and with a new soon-to-be decoration in hand, Lilly showed an appreciation Clem never would have seen from the older, twisted version of the former raider.

“You know, we were watching you hand everything out and I was positive there wouldn’t be anything for me. I probably don’t deserve it; I know I haven’t done anything close to helping you like the others have, but…” With soft eyes and a broad smile, she continued, “This is a really nice surprise. Thank you. Dealing with a plane once or twice a week was actually the only thing making my job tolerable...”

While Lilly squinted in at the small text written on the box, Clem couldn’t help but notice the conflict on Mark’s face. “I didn’t get you anything, sorry. I, uh, didn’t know you’d be joining us,” she lied, concealing her knowledge.

“Oh, it’s not that. I wasn’t expecting anything.” Unlike herself, by the deep stare off into the distance he never wavered from could she tell he wasn’t lying. “It’s just, from a first impression… You know, from what I’ve heard and seen so far of you guys, I can see why you’re in charge. Even if…” His brow furrowed for a moment, before dismissing his own concern. “Hm. Nevermind. This is a good setup.”

“She’s not…” Unimpressed by the motel’s observed hierarchy, Lilly tried to refute, finding no inoffensive arguments to support her claims. “She’s not _ in charge _, just…” Muttering something under her breath, she dropped the trouble with Mark, hiding it behind, and exchanging it for the previous appreciation she held for their ill ‘leader’. “Hey, Clementine? Don’t worry about that dream you had or what you said this morning with my dad and everything. I know he can be a pain to deal with sometimes but all he really wants is what’s best for me. He doesn’t mean any harm. He’s just gone through so much and it’s hardened him, you know?”

“Yeah… I do.” Her voice dropped to the pits of her blackout, the words escaping her in a rumble she only in hind-sight wished no-one could hear. “I’d just like a dad to begin with if I’m being honest…”

“What?” Lilly asked, unable to capture the fine details of her little slip up.

“N-Nothing.” Shaking her head, Clem swept her personal problems under the rug and carried on with the ones right in front of her. In a reasonable manner, she aimed to improve the longevity of their stay. “Just a quick word about the rationing. I’m not trying to have a go at you, but we need to be more careful with this new batch of food so we don’t run out again. I put you in charge because I thought you’d do a good job, and I still do. From now on, give out enough so people won’t go hungry but as soon as reserves look like they’re thinning, adjust the portions until we can find a solution. Can you do that for me?”

Lilly nodded along in acknowledgement, taking in the information without interference of her distaste for receiving orders from a kid. They shared a common goal of improving their livelihoods, Lilly perhaps welcoming the idea more if it meant a greater chance of survival. “Yeah, I’ve got it. Don’t worry. We shouldn’t have run out so soon, I won’t make that mistake again.”

With that, her business here was over. One out of three. That went surprisingly better than expected. “Thank you.” Parting with a forced smile, she inevitably found Larry, and rather reluctantly so. Pushing past the magnetic force reeling her towards the couch, Clem limped forward on her tingly leg, giving Kenny and Lee over by the gate a look for help if only to take comfort in their shared pity of her. 

But what they returned was not the encouraging smiles, nor the welcoming arms she had hoped for. Instead, their backs were turned to her, emitting a cold, repelling radiance protecting their huddled whispers in secrecy. An arm tightened around her stomach; there was no eavesdropping to set her nerves at ease this time. Their expressions - from what she could make out - where deadly serious, and where did their interests lie? The gifts in the palms of their hands. 

They were onto her. If it was anything like at the drugstore, they were onto her. In what way, she didn’t know, but from who was next in line after Larry for her time, the nerves poking at her jumpy sick machine were convinced she was about to find out. Kenny eventually noticed her in the corner of his eye and nudged Lee into joining him in providing the comfort she’d silently called for outside their private meeting. Somehow, it didn’t feel quite the same. She avoided any eye contact, not taking any risks after the night’s auto repair episode readying the lighter against its scorched territory beneath her hand. 

There had come a time in Clementine’s life where, if only for a moment, she felt more comfortable talking to Larry than her carers. She headed back towards him, leaving the two to the classified discussions preparing her for the worst. Going from one to problem to another, she clutched the opposite sleeve of her abdomen’s grip finding herself at his feet. “Sorry I took so long…”

To her surprise, Larry didn’t possess a hint of aggression towards her. In fact, he might’ve shown the slightest sense of pity for her, too. “I saw you made up with Lilly. That’s all that matters.” Unfolding his crossed arms, he didn’t waste a second of her time, seemingly understanding a measure of her discomfort. “What did you do before all this?”

“Huh?”

“You aren’t the stay-at-home type. I can tell. What did you do?”

“Oh… Uh…” Clem cursed herself for being so unprepared, racking her brain trying to come up with a suitable answer. The truth obviously wouldn’t do, ending her education in first grade and all. Jobs people had before, ones that might suit her, she searched throughout her limited knowledge of the old world for something believable. There was always faking her school life. That would at least cover her age, but not her fighting expertise... 

If there was one job/hobby that sprung to mind after raising AJ and especially after returning home, she had to roll with it. “...Babysitting.” 

“...Babysitting, huh?” His eyes narrowed, her answer clearly not of his expectations. “You weren’t in the army?” Clem could only stare back blankly in response. Taking his que to elaborate, Larry continued, “The way you handle yourself, the way you dress, that speech you gave the day after we arrived…” He paused, leaning in a bit as he did. “It reminded me of my old DI.”

She was staggered. From what little she knew about how the army worked… Overhearing stories from The New Frontier’s soldiers was all she had to go off, and if they were true, what that said about her could be taken either way. “DI as in… Drill instructor?”

He nodded, confirming right there and then that her dream version of Lee might’ve had a point about her being a ‘natural leader’ after all. “You don’t take shit from anyone, you put people in place where necessary. Putting me on building the wall, I haven’t taken an order like that in years.” Nostalgia, for the better or worst, flickered in his eyes for a split second before deciding he’d make his point. “I meant what I said earlier: I don’t know who you think you are… But I can’t deny what you’ve done.” If there was any anger in his voice, it was directed towards the pride trying to dissuade him from the facts any longer. “You may not have done much around here, but you’ve proven yourself to be capable.” Larry held out one of the bottles of nitroglycerin pills. “Capable at the table, capable in the field. Following your orders, this place is already better than my life as a private. Just don’t go getting fucking cocky now because I’ve said all this and for what I’m about to say.”

She felt a second pool of nerves circle her stomach for whatever reason, though still under the safety net away from the night’s panic attack, as if she were wired to expect the worst when it came to him and his family. “Um… What is it?”

With a gravely sigh, he admitted, “I know how sick you are, alright? And I can see you’re trying. I haven’t met a girl your age who doesn’t whine and moan all damn day when they’re half as bad as what you’ve got… but then there’s you. I’m… sorry, alright? I might’ve been treating you unfairly.” 

**(?) You gained Larry’s respect**

_ Yeah, respect built off a lie. Let’s see how long that lasts... _

“Hey. Eyes down here, missy.”

“Huh…? W-What?”

He looked her over damn near professionally, his experience carrying on the spirit of various medics the retired military man would've once fought alongside. After finishing his basic analysis of the girl clueless about anything and everything that happened to warrant his concern, Larry finally agreed with the others regarding her condition through a scruffy sigh. “Hm… Maybe you _ should _head back to bed.”

She seriously had no idea what the hell was going on. Did this ever happen before? She couldn’t remember… Perhaps she was more tired than the frequent yawns suggested. _ Yeah, that’s all it is _, she unconvincingly thought, favouring to get back on track.

For what it was worth, the little care she still held for this world was positively blown. For how poorly he always treated Lee, an apology and even a moment of care from Larry could easily have been the rarest things she’d found that day. But surprising as it was, it wasn’t all that far-fetched. “Uh, about the apology. It’s okay, I get it… You’re only trying to get what’s best for your daughter. I can…” She became lost in thought, realising she was no different, and acted no different when it came to raising AJ. “I can understand that.”

That caught Larry’s attention. His gaze sharpened, examining the scars traced across her own. “That’s another thing reminding me of my service. You’ve got that look in your eye. I’ve seen a million men in my time, and in each one you can tell who’s lost, and who hasn’t. I’m not gonna ask what you’ve been through, it just surprises me you hang around with that chump who gave you that hat.”

...And there was the Larry she always knew. Naturally, her eyes floated across to the man ‘comparing gifts’ with Lee. Pleasantly surprised to have gotten on both Larry and Lilly’s good side, she asked if that was all he had to say, much preferring to spend her time with someone kind enough to be called a ‘chump’, apparently, even if it meant not being granted as nearly an easy time shown thus far.

“Hold on. I’m not finished with you yet.”

One sentence was all it took to breathe out what she hadn’t realised was a slither of acquired comprehension for her continued absence from anything that could be called a bed. “What?”

“How much do you know about Lee Everett?”

If there was one thing she didn’t need right now, it was a lecture on one of the few people she held dear to her heart. The brunette glared back at him, forming a plan to make him look like a fool using her past knowledge. “Enough. He was a teacher up at the University of Georgia.” When Larry made the mistake of showing a slight grin, she played her card, wiping it off the face of the earth. “...And that he’s a convicted killer who was on his way to prison when this all started. How’s that?”

Despite her taunt, Larry was serious, re-crossing his arms as a brief scowl headed in Lee’s direction. “I don’t know why you choose to hang around with a murderer like him, either. Civilian murder is different from a soldier’s. He’s dangerous and puts us all at risk. You know what he’s done, yet you act so casual with him… I’ve just gotta wonder what goes through a person’s head to do something like that,” he provoked, his hatred towards Lee pouring over his previous calm display.

“Look.” As much as she did her very best to not fall into her rage’s pull, attacking her friends was always going to get a reaction out of her. “Lee is the only reason I’m here. He saved me back at my house when I could barely move. He’s done more for me than you’ll ever realise. I don’t give a damn if he’s a murderer, what I see is a guy who’s looking out for me and who’s trying really hard at something he knows nothing about.” She felt the heat rising in her head with the progressing rant falling right into her headache’s trap. Nevertheless, she couldn’t stop defending him now, sickness be damned. “He’s not gonna hurt any of us, so don’t talk about him like he’s some villain. And trust me, _ I know villains _. I’m gonna go talk to them now if you don’t mind. Goodbye.”

“...Hmph.”

Leaving him to reconsider, she stormed off in Kenny and Lee’s direction without looking back. Even if it was to defend him, she couldn’t help but feel her soul slip away with every time anger consumed her, no matter how small it might be. Why, she didn’t know. It was like everything she once thought of herself was only a ploy for some savage beast to hide in plain sight behind. All she could make out of who ‘Clementine’ was, who she used to be, was just some stupid ghost hallucinated during another of her late meltdowns. Only her imagination. Not something real, not anymore.

The two noticed her approach, where Lee was respectful of Kenny’s request to talk to her alone so agreed to take their weapons back to the group’s armoury otherwise known as RV’s interior. But before he left for good…

“Hey, Clem? Can I uh, talk to when you’re done?”

…

He somehow managed to find her ‘Off’ switch. Sucking in a long, drawn out breath, she pondered the idea of sticking up for herself or whether to ask her overheated mind to work a while longer for his sake. If she learnt anything about cars, it was that overheating those was a bad idea. It certainly felt like the same applied. So, what did she go and say?

_ Just say no. Just say no… Please. _

“Okay...”

“Thanks, Clem.”

A wall. There had to be a wall close enough to smash her skull into, into little tiny bite-size pieces. She remained powered down, refusing to blink while Lee stood awkwardly in the way of what should’ve been her late adoptive father. Something was left behind back at that snow covered house. Not AJ, nor his older guardian. Something inside that would’ve made this never ending cycle of chores bearable. Looking upon the fisherman’s younger self, whom’s experience of calling her one of his own became nothing but an untold fairytale, she wondered if that same something would be stuck there forever. On the other side was a father to protect her. A son to love and cherish. Any comparison against the motel was no contest - both Lee and Kenny here along with the rest of them were more or less strangers.

The former teacher eventually got the hint he wasn’t wanted. He took a step away, only to turn back, asking, “Oh yeah… Kenny, man, do you want any shaving cream? I’ve got some in my room if you want it.”

He flashed a subtle grin, his eyes briefly finding the time traveller's to confirm his answer. “Nah… nah I think I’m good. Thanks.” The moment Lee was out of the picture, Kenny immediately got to work in trying to cheer her up. His hand traced around his jaw, showcasing the new batch of stubble grown on her request. “So, what do you think? We’ll have ourselves a beard in no time.”

“...” 

The first markings of his iconic style, the hair signifying the age they grew to love each other, the same style found on the other side. She wanted to smile. She really did. 

“Clem, you alright?” His funny-guy act dropped completely, his expression rain to her crushed, colourless flower. “You… want another hug?”

It ran as deep as a river. He was a bridge, a connector between both worlds. She was a traveller, forced into going to and fro. Clem stood before her only connection to the happy life waiting on the other side, and the crossing ending before it began. The bearded version of himself and AJ were waving at her in the distance, calling her name to make the journey over. A journey impossible for her to take.

Her feet guided her forward, pushing her as close to this other side as possible before the harsh reality washed her hopes away. She threw herself into his arms, accepting his offer through the restrained tears prickling at the corners of their tightly shut prison as her misery replenished itself in the rain. “Yes!”

She locked her head beneath his chin, doing her best not to break down while he invited her in, rubbing the snivelling girl’s shoulder. “Aw, there there, darlin’. It’s gonna be alright.”

“...”

_ It’s gonna be alright… _

It was like a penny dropping in the ocean, it’s ripples drowning out any and all surrounding sounds, all except for the feeling against her chest. 

Not a feeling inside, but a _ physical _feeling. The feeling of the pistol she hadn’t the time to reorganise scraping against her rib cage inside a jacket pocket. 

_ It’s gonna be alright… _

Her mind ventured down a dark path it was taught to never go. The signs all lead to peace. There would be no more sickness. No more battles to fight. And last but not least, no more death. All at the cost of her own. To see AJ again if the world would not allow it, that might become the only option left. 

The plan didn’t work. Her current plan wouldn’t work. It was written clear as day.

_ Fish Traps _

_ Kenny - _ ** _Me_ **

_ Lee - _ ** _Me_ ** _ , _ <strike> _ Stranger _ </strike>

_ AJ - _ ** _Me_ ** _ , _ <strike> _ Lilly (Her goons, Del, Richard) _ </strike>

She got them all killed. She was going to get them killed all over again, and anything to stop it would all end the same way. She would be alone. Louis was probably suffering because of her incompetence. They’d all suffer the same fate.

Clementine pulled away from the hug, removing the hat intended to protect her and offered it back to its owner. Kenny asked why, confused by the change of heart over a gift of her own she was once so proud to possess. “It didn’t work. I failed you. I promised not to let my ‘angry side’ take over… but it did. I don’t deserve it,” she painfully admitted.

“Clem…” She couldn’t watch his face match the sadness of his voice. Instead, her eyes were fixed on the hat now only evidence of another promise failed among a line dating back before their consequences could hit so hard. “You can still keep it if you want, sweetie. I know it didn’t work, but…” Clearing his throat, he looked her over, preemptively placing bets on the regret he’d feel from the girl who’s guess for his next words had her frozen to the spot. “So, uh, about all that. I’ve been wonderin’ a few things lately…” He paused, Clementine becoming as still as a statue in anticipation for the moment dreaded by her sickness. “This is probably a horrible time for all this, but look, me and Lee have been talkin’ and... Well, you know a thing or two about what’s goin’ on, don’t you?”

Their eyes were locked. She couldn’t escape. Not the blackout, not this. Her rising heartbeat was second only to the nerves it resumed stirring throughout her stomach. The image of his harsh glare in the snow gradually merged with his younger self, painted on by a cruel sense of déjà vu from the night prior. “Don’t…”

“Clem… You were right about the military… you were right about Warner Robins…”

She was losing control over her breathing with every given word. That glare, even if it wasn’t really there, was clear as day through the snowy fog covering her bridge between worlds. A foot moved backwards, her body demanding she get away from a man it labelled a potential threat. “Kenny, please…”

“I’m sorry, Clem… but you just went through a _ city of walkers _ and came out without a scratch! You said it yourself after that helicopter crashed.” He hesitated pressing further, caught in a battle between finally getting answers and not provoking her fragile state. He gritted his teeth, a new flurry of flames spreading beneath the girl’s skin knowing exactly what side he’d chosen to fight for. “It’s not that **I don’t trust you**, Clementine… But I can’t stop thinking about how this all adds up. You’ve been right about everything.”

Her fingers dug through clothing into skin. “Kenny, _ please… _”

“You knew all of us beforehand, didn’t you?”

“I don’t-”

She covered her mouth, an involuntary gag spreading the heat spiking beneath her face, and none more so than through the matured acid she was desperately trying to hold down. 

The culprit of the same second violent reaction rushed to her side, the returns of his bet leaving him horrified for winning. “Christ, are you alright? I didn’t mean to...” He cut himself short, the hat in his hands stealing his attention. Kenny flipped it over, his gaze taking a shift into serious concern from whatever secret the hat held onto. Wasting not time, he bent down, brushing away the hair across her forehead for an immediate temperature check. “...Fuuuck.”

“Wh-” Her burning insides pushed onwards with another attack, Clementine swallowing hard to prevent it’s advance. “Ugh… What’s wrong?”

He showed her the inside of the cap, and the thick ring of sweat soaking deep into the fibres of the material. It’d spread wildly in her body’s desperate attempts to cool itself down, a grim reminder of the morning nosebleed. This time she had an excuse, or rather, a genuine reason for the accident. The weather. Using her breathing technique to calm herself down, she got her erratic breaths under control and tried her best at thinking straight to not tempt an eventful day into any further trouble.

_ It’s okay, it’s okay... He’s not his older self. He’s not broken like you here. He’s not gonna hurt you... I… I hope. _

“...S-Sorry… It’s just been so hot today, and I tired myself out more than once, so that’s probably why. I’m really sorry...”

The guilt beating her down only added to the sense of urgency overcoming the Floridian in light of her terribly handled health. He looked at her, almost bewildered as he revealed, “Clem, it’s not even been hot today,” before going back in for another temperature check. “It’s been warm, yeah, but not enough to make anyone sweat _ that _badly.” He stared her dead in the eyes. “Clementine, listen to me. Your temperature’s through the roof, you’re looking flushed... When you woke up this morning, did you feel sick like you are now? Have you felt hot throughout the day?”

“Uh… yeah. I skipped breakfast when it started coming on fast. And I _ thought _it was really hot in the morning....”

“_ And you skipped breakfast… _” he commented under his breath, the reality of her carelessness ramping up the importance of taking action for himself. “Right. Don’t worry about the hat, okay? That’ll wash out no problem. This is my fault… ain’t it? I was only gonna ask something stupid after that grillin’ I already gave ya. That’s gonna have to wait.” He leaned over, placing his hands on her shoulders. “I shoulda listened, I really didn’t mean to make it worse for you. All I can ask is please, get some rest. On the couch, in your bed, it doesn’t matter. Please, Clem… You’re going to get yourself killed at this rate.” 

Coming from herself, such a statement might have been alluring. Coming from _ him _, every reason regarding the health she hadn’t catered for begged for the help glistening his worried eyes. As long as she could keep her mind away from picturing his fury, it’d be fine. Caught in the crossfire of two polarising points, under all the innocence she could muster, Clementine asked, “Do you want me to get better?”

He looked back as if he’d been asked a trick question. “What? Course I do!” 

“Then that’s what I’ll do. I’ll try... for you,” she said with a sigh. If it wasn’t for him, she didn’t want to think about the limits of bloodshed that would’ve been surpassed in the city. 

Her apparent anger counselor bent to her side, offering to let her rest an arm over his shoulder for support. “Come on, let’s get you back to bed. Looks like you _ got _a scratch after all… you hurt your leg pretty bad there?" As the two got ready to walk, she dismissed having any issues all the while said leg felt like it could finally breathe after half a day’s suffocation. Instead, she noted how Lee was still waiting for her, much to Kenny’s disapproval. “Fuck, of course he is. Hm… It’s probably important the way he’s been actin’… When you’re done, you go straight to bed, you hear? No ‘ifs’ or ‘buts’ about it. I’ll bring you some food later, you must be starving.” 

From her feeble hops towards the RV could she tell her legs certainly agreed, whereas her stomach itself had alternative interests with a full tank just waiting to be unleashed. Knowing she wasn’t getting around his stubbornness, she accepted the instructions, making sure to ask if keeping, and continuously adding to a full tank was a good idea.

“I know it hurts, Clem… But we have no clue what’s wrong with you. Your body’s probably fighting somethin’ nasty, so if you feel you need to be sick… then be sick. I... wouldn’t suggest keeping it down. Trust me, I know a thing or two about that. I used to party hard as a kid. I can go get Kat if you want her opinion, it’s prob’ly more qualified than mine.”

She smirked, her free hand covering the menacing aura emitting from the erratic organ. “Yeah, that’s what I thought you’d say. Don’t worry about bothering Katjaa over this, I get it.” As the two arrived back at the RV, she couldn’t help but notice the M1911 in her jacket sitting there, patiently waiting in it’s dark confinements for its partner to indulge in their common thirst for blood, whoever’s it may be. Possibly the scariest part of it all, was that she couldn’t tell the difference from it being just a gun in a pocket, or untapped freedom at the flick of a finger. “Just... one more thing before you go.”

“What’s that, honey?”

She swapped arms, covering her gut with the other to avoid all temptations from the hidden weapon. For everything that brought Clementine to this point, she had to make sure the pain wouldn’t catch up to him, too. His biggest regret haunted him until the day he died - it was her duty to make the best for him out of something she’d never forget.

Her question was plain and simple. “How much do you love your family?”

It took him a little off guard, but nonetheless, his response was as genuine as she could ever hope for. “Oh, well... They mean everything. Especially now with all this going on… they’re _ all _that matter. Uh, not tryna say you don’t matter to me or nothin’. You do. Just… You know what I mean.”

She nodded with a grin, happy to hear he thought about and was considerate of her in the same conversation as his wife and child. “I do. And thanks for saying that, but look…” She closed her eyes, the memories of her final days with AJ playing before her in the darkness. Her heart cried out for the boy now doomed to be a figment of her imagination as it watched, for every beat trapped inside walls of sorrowful spikes would they flow into her voice. “Spend every minute with them as if it’s your last. Love them, cherish them.” 

She could imagine him. Right now. On her bed at Ericson’s. Sat around the piano. Even here at the motel. Her heart didn’t care if it made no sense. All it wanted was her little goofball to be back. A single question rang around her mind. ‘_ Was it really so much to ask for at this point? _’ Believing such a wish would never be granted despite her great attempts, she instead resorted back to painful pretending, visualising him in the darkness and letting his image write her next words.

“Sit Duck on your lap, hold him tight. Talk about all the good times you’ve had… Tell each other how much you love each other… Don’t waste a single second. Be with them as much as you can, because one day…” And inevitably, the image of AJ’s corpse slumped against a tree was all there was for her to see. “...There might be a time when you can’t anymore, and you’ll regret every second you spent away from them. Trust me…”

**(?) Kenny will remember that**

Burying her thoughts of AJ beneath the motel around her, she refocused on reality to find him staring off up into the sky, very specifically, upwards and to the left. His gaze travelled back to her, confused as he asked, “There somethin’ on the roof?”

“Huh?” Clem had to blink a few times. This was, what? The fifth, sixth time that day? “Was I just staring off into space?”

“Yeah… You must be getting delirious.” Clem traced a finger over the sweat across her forehead; she was more than inclined to agree with his deduction. “Maybe I don’t really know what I’m doing either… Just… Holler as soon as you’re done with Lee or get him to help you back to bed. God knows you deserve the rest.” He turned his back to her, ready to give the two some space for their talk. Just before he walked off, her guardian had one last thing to say. “And Clem… You’re right. About Kat and Duck. I spent so much time away from them off out at sea I… might’ve even been avoiding them at one point. When everything’s going plain sailing, you almost forget what’s most important to you.” A nod of appreciation was all she needed as thanks. “I’ll remember that.”

He headed off, soon joining the rest of his family and giving her a final smile from behind the couches. “I know you will…” 

She turned around. The door to the RV. The door to her final task of the day. After that… rest up to tackle another day of rotting away in an endless blackout. But maybe, _ maybe _it could mean crossing the bridge again back to the snow. The candle Kenny threw down would only last so long, and once that burned out, what then? If the bridge was closed for good, AJ was never coming back. Not to her, at least. In a few years, he could live happier with Rebecca and Alvin while her tears would go unheard, lost among the memories of a time that no longer existed.. That would be her life. Forever. Constantly trying to repair what can’t be fixed.

Feet shuffled inside the RV. That must’ve been Lee. Taking a step up, she laughed at herself for how quickly the bad thoughts could settle in when someone wasn’t talking over her ‘darker side’. The only guest at her pity party was herself. To leave through the door meant first entering the one before her. She hoped, no, _ prayed _that Lee could provide even a fraction of the same support as her older caretaker. She grabbed hold of the handle, placing one last hope in the world that all would go smoothly.

Just as she turned it... There was a bang.

And everything went black.

…

He could not believe it. Lee simply could not believe it. After all the talk of helping her, finding the motivation to make a difference, he goes and fucks it all up.

He’d paced around the room, furious with himself for letting the others do his job, furious that there was no way in hell he would ever be good enough compared to the two experienced parents outside. In the solitude of the armoury, he finally had a chance to vent. Clementine was his responsibility. He found her, helped her reach the farm, the city, and now the motel. The hug they shared when they first met, the unexplainable urge to protect her in his chest, it all meant something. He was supposed to be her first choice caretaker. So why was he letting himself fall down the pecking order by the day?

And to top it all off, she didn’t even need him. Goes into a city full of walkers, and comes out with gifts. _ Gifts _. He could barely manage to find her an energy bar. As much as he loved the map, the only information it really showed was how little he’d really done for her. 

He placed a hand on the door handle. He needed to keep a clear head for what would come next - if he couldn’t even talk to her, then any hopes whether it be for protection, guidance, or even just getting on her good side would swiftly go down the drain. His hand clenched, ready to part ways with the anger clouding his vision. Plastic sliced through the air as he swung the door open, enough force that it bounced straight back to him. But what it bounced off was something he never could have guessed. Who was waiting on the other side…

Was someone he could not believe.

Clementine stumbled backwards, a hand desperately trying to find her face as she rocked back and forth, the other reaching aimlessly around failing to find something to grasp onto. Lee froze as he witnessed her cringe in pain, restricted only to listening to the cries of his latest victim quickly losing their consciousness. “No, wait.... I didn’t…”

His nails screeched against the frame of the door. Everything inside was telling him to help, to catch her before she fell, to do literally _ anything _. He couldn’t. Where he was rooted to the spot in disbelief, Kenny was horrified to learn of his mistake. “Clementine!”

The older of the two men dashed forward, reaching out to catch the harmed girl just as her swaying legs inevitably gave way. They both fell to the ground, Kenny cushioning her fall with arms wrapped around her as if anything otherwise would be her death. His head took a knock from the impact, though he looked over her without a worry for himself expecting the worst. “Clem! Clem, are you alright? Can you hear me?!” Receiving nothing but the painful groans devolving into helpless weeps, Kenny shot daggers at Lee, shouting, “What the hell’d you do that for, asshole!?”

“I didn’t-”

“Kat, get over here!” 

His defences were promptly ignored. Lee stepped out of the RV, keeping his distance from the man defending Clementine like a wolf defending its cub. It wasn’t that he was intimidated. No, he was scared of fucking things up even further. First his wife, now Clem... He was left to face the result of repeated regrets as Katjaa ran past, joining her husband by his side.

“Oh my God, what happened?”

“Everything okay down there?” Lilly asked from above.

“This asswipe slammed the door in her face!” he chastised with an accusing finger. Once everyone was caught up to speed, Lee became an enemy of the public once more. The grounds of the motel towered around him like the courtroom walls he’d not long since left, those spiteful eyes sending him off to eternal damnation inside a prison cell at the bang of a gavel. Kenny, Katjaa, Lilly, Mark, Larry, even Duck. They encircled him, the murderer feeling ever more of an outcast that could do nothing but stand by while the witnesses cleaned up his mess. The Floridian shook the girl in his arms, calling her name as if to save her just how she had often saved their child. “Clem, Clem!”

Her eyes opened just enough for Lee to embrace the pain radiating from her golden orbs. The pain of someone at the end of their rope, where instead of offering a helping hand up, he’d gone and kicked her another peg down. It was only when her gaze found its way to his own that the question barely escaping her lips subjected his heart to what felt like would be a lifetime of guilt beyond the sentence written to his name.

“Why?”

She released the hand covering her face, and the pinch of what he could tell was a purple, already-bruising bleeding nose. The work they’d put in in the morning to contain a seemingly unstoppable river of blood was completely undone. It filled the pool of her once cupped hand, overflowing and dripping down her jacket as the stream arriving fresh from the crimson water’s spring slithered into her mouth and down her chin. For any short-term injuries causing her previous nosebleed episodes, Lee could be held accountable for the possibility of them now becoming long-term. 

“Oh my god…”

Jesus Christ…”

Gasps rang around the motel. The remaining members of the group gathered closer, even Larry, of whom both Kenny and Lee had eavesdropped on his conversation with Clem. The former commander wore a harsh scowl, especially with the deed being dealt by a man who’s past devoid him of any trust. Clementine wasn’t the only one keeping secrets. “What the fuck is this?!”

He’d created a rarity among rarities; Larry and Kenny were on the same side. The latter shared the same expression, droplets of blood splashing onto his hands directing a new wave of anger in Lee’s direction. “Look at her! Look at what you’ve done, Lee!”

Larry crossed his arms, the hateful watch from his new understanding defining Lee as pure evil. “Oh… Is _ that _what happened?” 

“Ken, please…” Katjaa interjected, intent on giving him the benefit of the doubt. “It was only an accident, right Lee?”

Kenny had no room for sympathy, the girl’s protector continuing to pile on the guilt in his rage. “Yeah, an accident that might’ve broken her goddamn nose!”

He couldn’t refute. It was all valid. He stepped forward, trying to apologise for his actions until he realised it wasn’t an option. Clementine was staring into her bloodied hand as if the world around her had faded to black. Beneath the pain clawing the tears out her eyes, she almost looked… peaceful. No amount of shouting or questions from either side garnered any response. If it weren’t of the brightness of the blood, anyone could’ve assumed she was dead, or as it would be in this cruel world, a walker. It was as if the prolonged beep of death rang around the moel, as the gold being the closest they had to a heart monitor gradually disappeared behind her falling eyelids.

Kenny shook, and shook, and shook to no avail. She was out cold, and the blood draining her of heat and colour left the teen paler than ever before. All because of him. The closest person they had to a doctor took action immediately, the mother coming to a conclusion there and then on how they were ever going to overcome the puzzle that was her treatment. 

“She is already in a life-threatening condition… This is only going to make things much worse. We need to look through the medicine she brought back. There has to be _ something _we could give her…”

Her husband looked unsure. “Doesn’t she avoid trying any? I mean, I agree, I think we _ should _find her some… But so far, she’s been right about everything. Maybe there’s a reason she doesn’t want medicine.”

Katjaa took control of the situation, her tone the most serious Lee had ever heard from the former vet. “I know. Perhaps she’s tried some before we all met up and maybe she had a negative reaction to it, but it’s a risk that might save her life. We have no other choice.” She ran a hand through Clementine’s hair, the pity shining in her eyes before standing up, following through with her act of leadership he had no idea she was capable of. “Lee, come and help me identify a suitable treatment. I need to know what you know about her illness. Ken, clean her up and be very careful with her nose. If you could place her onto the couch that would be wonderful. Can we have no interruptions or disturbances, please? We have to work fast...”

Lee understood the urgency of their situation, but felt as if there was more to Katjaa’s own than first believed. He soon found out why when her strong mentality dropped, leaving in its place a fear infecting her shaky voice. “She said we will all become one of those things. We don’t know how long that process can take…” His eyes widened, the new unforgiving rule of nature slamming him in the face. “But she never explained if that was exclusive to dying… we simply have no idea how this virus works. We have to prepare for the worst. Being unconscious for too long, staying in a coma even… anything could kill us. As she is, she could lose her life at any moment… If we act quickly, we may be able to prevent this process from beginning.”

The only person who could’ve eased their nerves, who had the knowledge to deal with a situation like this… lay unconscious in Kenny’s arms, her blood spreading across his hands. While the man in charge of, and in a second attempt that day of blocking her leaking nose asked Larry to fetch some paper towels, Lee went off with Katjaa for the medicine, passing by a transfixed Duck looking even paler than Clem, and taking a last look over his shoulder at the damage he’d dealt.

He’d hurt his wife. He’d hurt the senator. He’d hurt Clementine.

So many accidents could be traced back to his name. But for how bad it was for him, the only thing on his mind was how bad it was for her. 

The trauma shroud in mystery, the physical pain experienced on the daily. What lengths would they have to go to to grant her a moment of peace? The only person capable of answering that was the girl herself. Out of luck and out of options, as Lee set out to atone for his sins, he could only wonder what it was like from her perspective should she ever fully recover. 

Judging by her actions after her trip to the city, he and everyone knew full well the fight against her mental health was the biggest threat of them all. Thanks to him, there was nothing any of them could do on that front until the immediate war was won. So now, she was left to dwell in her mind’s darkness until Katjaa found a solution. And what that darkness entailed was something he probably did not ever want to know of or experience for himself. But if the pains of being awake was only an aftertaste to the heaps of hurt she faced deep inside...

Then maybe it was better to sleep.

***

_ Ericson’s Boarding School For Troubled Youth, 2003 _

“...”

It didn’t work. No… that wasn’t quite right. It was _ working _. 

Waiting six years for her was far better than waiting eight. 

Louis sat the time box back on the piano. Somehow - through what might’ve been a stroke of utter genius - by flipping it over, he’d managed to reverse the box’s effects if only a little. Being back in his younger body was a strange experience, sure, but it was hardly a sacrifice in a plan showing so much promise.

Unfortunately, in the hopes of making any further progress, using the device so soon after the initial attempt sent him straight back here. Maybe it was like a back and forth thing? He’d not long come back. It was taking an enormous amount of petting a nearby Rosie to keep his mind off adding to the pile of stench leading to the double doors, but sat in front of the device again as the Sun went down was Louis now realising he was finally getting somewhere. Two years forward was a good start, if he could just find a way to push it up to eight… Then everything would be back to normal. 

Clem would be back, maybe AJ too if he were lucky. They could revise the plan or scrap the whole thing altogether. Either way, it didn’t matter as long as he brought her back to the school. Even if he didn’t know the immense struggle happening on her end, it was the only plan he had left. It was just a matter of figuring out how to do it.

He searched the box over one more time. The only thing that struck out to him were the scrunched up bits of paper blocking the various (what he assumed were) ports. Digging with his nails to claw them out, he soon found out his assumption was correct. All but for one of them. 

On the rear metallic panel he ripped off the final piece of the crazy dude’s stuck on, torn up notes. It wasn’t a port it was hiding, but rather a button. A button with a little square painted white in the middle, and a triangle just above it. If he knew anything about symbols thanks to Tenn’s old drawings, it was that that little thing was a house.

In other words, a home button. The first thought that jumped to mind was it acting as some sort of ‘reset’ feature. The first time he used it was after AJ died the first time, so if there was even a chance of it reversing back to where it all began, that was a chance he couldn’t afford to miss. It’s not like it could send him anywhere else - Ericson’s was all he had, in terms of time _ and _place.

He pressed the button, sat back down, flipped the broken box over, and peered in with a single eye as done before for what would hopefully be the last time.

“Whatever it’s doing to you, Clem… Just hold on. I can fix this.”

There was no greater feat to step up to. She once told him to be more serious, so that’s exactly what he would do. Nobody but him could help, and nobody but him was at the cause for all this trouble. He, by himself, was going to set things right.

An uncertain future awaited them both. But if there was anything he was going to do about it, it was steering them away from the chain of catastrophes at his creation. To fix this dismantled chain of events, he’d use the very thing that broke it all apart. Time. With a nervous laugh, Louis got to work, ready to end it all.

“Here we go…”

…

That is, if he wasn’t a complete nervous wreck. No amount of faked confidence could change the fact that Louis was still Louis deep inside. Proceeding with the experiment while still under the previous’ effects _ and _that he was fucking with time itself again sent a shiver down his spine enough so he couldn’t sit straight, let alone taking the step up for such a feat.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow would be the day. The day he set things right. He just needed a little time to recover, that’s all… 

While the rest of the school was more-or-less off-bounds to him, Louis’ only choice was to make himself comfortable on the piano bench. Leaping through so many years was tiring, so tiring in fact, it beat the sleepless night before the boat raid by a landslide. The second his eyes fell to a close, they locked themselves shut for the night not to be opened again until morning. The morning of what would become a day of judgement. Whether he fucked it up worse, or by some miracle, fixed the problems he’d started. Only time would tell.

_ Next Time On The Walking Dead... _

_ A Simple Game Of Genius - Better To Sleep _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of things are happening in a lot of places. Now we're set up, we can move on to what'll hopefully be a biggy. Don't be surprised if you see another chapter pop up between this and Better To Sleep, I feel like you guys are deserving of a couple explanations here and there. If all goes well, it might make the fun that'll follow all the sweeter. Feel free to send any questions you may have about the fic to u/Denymeister on reddit, I'm always happy to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading as always


	17. NEW YEARS UPDATE

**“Chapter 16 - Take Me Away | Release Date: 29th July 2020”**

Last time you were here might’ve been around 5 months ago, something ain’t right about that.

**So what happened? **

For a quick rundown of the sob story, when Chapter 15 was in the works, I’d recently found full-time employment. This whole thing only started because I had a lot of spare time on my hands many, many months ago. But still, it wasn’t so bad to begin with; the chapter was mostly finished. Finishing that off wasn’t really a problem. Then came Chapter 16, possibly one of the largest chapters I’ve released so far. Long story short, I was terribly burned out by the end of it and the process was taking a serious toll on my mental health. Going from full-time work to writing at home like ‘normal’ was no easy adjustment for me, and you guys probably know by now the high expectations I hold for my work at least in terms of grammar, spelling, all that good stuff! So yeah, I guess I’ve put this fic on hold until I could sort myself out.

This is where the good news for you guys comes in. All of that’s not really a problem now because of the ongoing Covid-19 struggle surrounding smaller businesses. Simply put, my short stunt at the company I worked for has come to an end. There’s a decent chance I could soon be recalled once things ease up, but for now, I’m unemployed. While I’ve gained an interest in other hobbies during the last few months, one still includes keeping this story going. And it’s not like I’ve done _nothing_ for it since the latest release…

I’ve had a lot of time to think. About where to take it into the future, what’s already been done, and reflecting on the criticism, which looking back on, I totally agree with. So as it stands today, I’ve mustered up a little plan to work off that has the next two chapters - including bits and bobs about the long-run of the project (if we ever get there lmao) - mostly figured out, so now it’s just a matter of putting it all together and writing them. Yeah, all the previous chapters so far pretty much had no planning at all, a few bullet points on a Notes document to work off at most. So on one hand I personally think I’ve done alright in that regard, but on the other you can see why some parts may seem a little repetitive. We live and learn. “It’s all in the mind, you know?” - George Harrison

Just thought I’d share this little update after so much silence (Not that I know how to effectively communicate these things on AO3!). The story’s not dead, I do still have plans for it, Clementine’s started talking to her best friend the sick bucket, Lee’s had his head glued to Parenting 101 books for months, Kenny’s having major fishing withdrawal symptoms, and I will get these next two chapters released before the day I die lol. Before finding work I’d initially planned to get them both out with a little added bonus lighthearted/funny mini-chapter I had in mind before the end of December, and well, look how well that turned out. Whoops. Once things are back on track, I’ll probably end up deleting this update so if you ever see it’s vanished, you’re not going crazy.

...

**Bug Fixes/Patch Notes!**

Unfortunately, this is the problem putting a story out akin to a “live service”. I’ve picked up on a couple mistakes reviewing these old chapters, and if games are allowed to fix things on the go, then so am I!

_ Clementine’s jacket material: Leather -> Denim _

(This took a lot of convincing from u/thirdcomingofkenny on Reddit. I always assumed because of the S3 ending that she’d switched to mainly leather clothing for protection. Apparently not. And apparently I didn’t have an Xbox powerful enough to notice the fibres on her jacket in S4. That, or I was completely oblivious, shut up)

_ Number of days Louis spent in the medical office: 4 Days -> 7 Days _

(Just a little timeline fix based on another supposed wrong assumption. I always thought Lee met Clem on the day of his car crash, which after doing some research, might not appear to be the case. Everything I thought happened in the games apparently happens 3 days after. Right or wrong, I’m just gonna roll with it)

Then there's the little spelling mistakes I've already gone back and corrected prior to this. There's probably always gonna be that one stupid typo that escapes my wrath, but for now this is what we've got. And like that typo, there's bound to be another mistake or two lying around. For those, I'm gonna use the tactic I'm sure we've all used at least once in our lives. It's not a problem until someone sees it as a problem!

...

So there we have it. On a side note, r/thewalkingdeadgame is hosting their annual awards contest, and I’ve been nominated for Best Fanfic of 2020. I love that little forum, and it would mean a whole lot to win 2 years in a row. If you think we can do it, you can cast your vote -- [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheWalkingDeadGame/comments/km7zfd/best_of_rthewalkingdeadgame_2020/) \-- by mentioning my reddit username [u/Denymeister] under the respective category, upvoting other’s replies, or both! Together, we will make A Simple Game Of Genius great again! MASGOGGA! That’s one hell of an acronym, huh.

All in all, sorry for the silence. 

Stay safe everyone. Peace x


End file.
